Since the office move, I’ve been cycling a fair amount – I’m still not back to doing the full journey by bike, but that’s because I’m (in my terms) an idle bugger, and can’t be arsed to do it. I will. Just not yet.

Anyway, it has to be said that – on occasion – my cycling doesn’t necessarily happen in complete accordance with the Highway Code. Not really a shocker, is it? Leaving the office is a case in point – the road out of the industrial estate the new office is in is a nightmare, and if you leave at 5.30 the full length of the road is solid with cars, none of them moving. They’re all rammed right in to the kerb too, so there’s no room for a lowly cyclist.

Well, there is. It’s just known as the centre line. And that’s what I use. I belt down the middle of the road, annoying drivers by being just about the only thing moving. Then when the mini-roundabout comes up, I can crease in, turn left, and be done. The road I turn on to has another mini-roundabout at the end, but on this occasion I’m turning right, so I do the same thing, get right down to the end of the line of traffic, turn right at the mini-roundabout, and bang, job done.

Only yesterday, coming to the end of the second road, I belted past a police car. Oops. He followed me, and persuaded me to stop. (mainly by parking in front of me, but there we go)

Did you know what you were doing was dangerous?
Well, yeah, but I figure it’s not quite as dangerous as trying to ride down the correct piece of road when all the drivers seem to be using it. Including yourself.
Ah. But it’s dangerous to be riding in the middle of the road.
Indeed it is. But again, I figure that as I’m turning right at this mini-roundabout, it’s probably safer for me to be out in the correct place – just early – rather than getting down to the end, then trying to get across the road between cars stopped close together.
OK, I see your point. But what do other road users think?
Well, I’d guess they think “oh shit, best not hit that one”. Or “Bloody cyclists – I should get a bike and cut through these jams too”
Not quite what I was meaning…

He let me off – I wasn’t riding dangerously, or even carelessly. Just not in the Highway Code style. Will I change? Nah, doubt it.

Conversation with Twunty Manager™

Twunty, you know that site you wanted me to re-do with CSS?
   [at this point it's worth pointing out that CrapCo knows fuck-all about CSS, or making a site work in anything other than IE *shudder*]
Yeah, what about it?
Well, I’ve managed to reduce the sample file from 32K to 6K, just by sorting out the CSS and so on.
And what’s so great about that?
    [again, I should point out that he truly doesn't see the benefits, it's not phrased in a "that's useful" way at all]
Well, other than that it’ll speed up download times, and save us a shitload of money in bandwidth etc., plus making it easier to change the site should we need to, and reduce production times because we don’t need to write as much code for each page? Not much, really.
Oh.
    [ Cue realising he's just looked like more of a rancid knob-end than usual, and displayed the full range of his technical knowledge ]

So, Lyle, what do you think of the guy who’s been in for an interview today?
He’s a perfect fit to the Crapco blueprint for an employee.
What do you mean?
He’s young, cheap, and talks fluent bollocks.
Oh.

Your challenge, dear reader, is to spot the person who really couldn’t give a sod if people know what he thinks any more.

You know, when I first read this I could imagine Twunty Manager™ thinking he could do the same thing…

Two Star Wars fans are in a critical condition in hospital after apparently trying to make light sabres by filling fluorescent light tubes with petrol.

A man, aged 20, and a girl of 17 are believed to have been filming a mock duel when they poured fuel into two glass tubes and lit it.

© BBC News 2005

Yup, fill fluorescent tubes (already well reknowned for their structural stability, and lack of fragility*cough*) with petrol. Then light them. And hold them while “fighting”.

If only they’d actually died, they’d definitely be in line for the Darwin Awards. Instead, they’re just in a line at the burns unit…

Recently I’ve written a lot of work-related posts, and been stumped on how to give the company a name without using it’s name, if you see what I mean.

I’ve run through a lot of options in my head, including “The Talking Bollocks Agency”, “Twunts’r'us” and “Brewery Pissups Ltd.”

However, at the moment the name that keeps coming back to me isn’t actually one of mine – instead it’s Pogo‘s creation – CrapCo. I think that – short of someone else coming up with a suggestion – is the one I’ll start using when necessary.

As Jane comments in the post below, yes, another leaving card.

In the five months since I joined the company, half the IT team has changed. In that time, three more people have joined the IT team, and one has returned having left 18 months ago. So that’s at least a 50% change rate. Quite impressive.

In the rest of the company of 60 people, I can think of at least eight people who’ve left in that five months. (or will have left by the end of the week/month) That’s quite a turnover of people by anyone’s standards. A good third of those people have left with no new job to go to – they just needed to leave their current situation. And that’s a philosophy I’m understanding more and more.

I don’t know where my plans will take me yet, but I’m at least 90% sure that one thing they don’t include is this company. I knew that already, but looking at the change rates within the company just makes it even more certain. I do wonder how long it’ll be before the directors take a similar look at their company, and wonder just why it’s haemorraging staff in such a way.