(via Gordon)
Utterly pointless, but equally quite fun.

1. My uncle once: married my aunt
2. Never in my life: will I stop learning things.
3. When I was five: I was already a little smart-arse, having already been reading for two years.
4. High school was: something that I’d prefer to forget. Particularly the last two years.
5. I will never forget: the things that made me what I am
6. Once I met: John Thaw, while I was working in a pub, and he was filming Kavanagh QC
7. There’s this girl I know: and she knows I know her
8. Once, at a bar: I stuck to the floor-tiles, and could lean at a 45° angle before I unstuck
9. By noon, I’m usually: ready to go home
10. Last night: slept really badly. As usual
11. If only I had: more motivation
12. Next time I go to church: it’ll be my funeral, with any luck. At that point I won’t care.
13. What worries me most: is that I’ll be wrong about everything, and only find out too late
14. When I turn my head left I see: a woodburner, and the TV
15. When I turn my head right I see: Herself, on the sofa, with her foot up, due to those dislocated toes
16. You know I’m lying when: my eyes cross, and I fart the Blue Danube
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: very, very little
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: the storm in the Tempest
19. By this time next year: I’d hope to have completed some more of my business ideas
20. A better name for me would be: That Git
21. I have a hard time understanding: people in general, and the attraction of soap-operas on TV
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: only be there to demolish the place. I’d pay good money for that job.
23. You know I like you if: I stay in touch once I’ve moved house
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the miracle worker who made it happen
25. Take my advice, never: piss on an electric fence
26. My ideal breakfast is: a full breakfast at Garnish House in Cork, Ireland.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Allison Janney as CJ Cregg miming “The Jackal” on the West Wing
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: leave, quickly, by the first available means of transport
29. Why won’t people: learn how to handle umbrellas
30. If you spend a night at my house: make sure you don’t step on the dog in the middle of the night.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: Wedding? Me? Ha!
32. The world could do without: Eastenders
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go on TV with Gillian McKeith
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Hmmm, that’s tough. Can I get back to you on that?
35. Paper clips are more useful than: Post-Its
36. If I do anything well it’s: screwing things up spectacularly
37. I can’t help but: I know someone who might be able to
38. I usually cry: when I least expect it
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: Do as I say, not as I do
40. And by the way: I still have dreams. Lots of them. I just don’t publicise them.

If you want a go, feel free. I’m not going to nominate anyone to do it – just have a go. You can even download the blank sentences here, if you want. I don’t mind.