Now here’s something I don’t do often – respond in a proper piece to a comment on another piece.

In this case, in yesterday’s “Changing Plans” post, Andy commented…

I have to say, following your blog & Twitter, that your contracting seems like a monumental effort/nightmare/arsepain. There’s a lot to be said for a regular job, not least: a) a bit of security (so you’re not always worrying about what next week brings) and b) the luxury of a bit of time to think and plan your next big move (i.e. away from what you’re currently doing).

You don’t strike me as someone who’d be content/comfortable with a regular job, no matter how short term – but it seems to me like you’re in a cycle that you need/want to get out of as it’s causing you grief.

And I couldn’t agree more, to be honest. Maybe I do need to bite the bullet and look at a “proper job”. I don’t know. This year has been utter shit when it comes to contracts, and work in general. In fact I’d go so far as to say it’s been the worst work year I’ve had.

You’re right, there is a lot to be said for that “proper job”. I get that totally. It just doesn’t (for whatever reason) chime with me at all. I don’t know why – and I’ve looked into it a lot – but it just doesn’t. Maybe I’ve just never had a positive experience of that regular job, but maybe my mindset won’t let me have a positive experience of that regular job. Either way, I’ve never been happy in a regular job.

I’m not happy with what I’m currently doing. I’m good at it, but I’m no longer happy with it. However, I know I need to keep on doing it (whether as contracts or regular work) until I get things sorted for doing Something Else. That doesn’t help. Getting fucked over and treated like crap also doesn’t help. (Although in my experience that’s something that happens regardless of a job being proper or not)

This week, I also feel like crap anyway. I’ve picked up a cold from a friend (who will be receiving a snot-filled slap when I next see him) and honestly, I’d rather be at home.

The change of plans, when everything was ready and in place, has added to that, and knocked my confidence a bit too. That’s down to being a control-freak, and not liking it when I get stuffed over with nothing I can do about it.

I’ve got three or four ideas about what I want to do instead of this, which have been chatted about a few times with friends over the last couple of days. It’ll take time – unless I get incredibly lucky – to sort them out and decide what to do, as well as to implement the ideas, make the changes, and get those things off the ground.

It’ll take time – but the last week has illustrated pretty perfectly why I need to do it, and make the changes. And if nothing else, it should make for some more fun on D4D.