D4D

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Archive for the category “1BEM”

Perfect Timing

On a totally different note, why is it that batteries in smoke alarms and CO2 detectors *always* need replacing at 4am?

Bastard bloody things.

Still, at least I now know – not that I had any doubt, and I certainly didn’t need any proof – that I can’t sleep through a CO2 alarm.

(And of course yes, I can now – because I pulled the dead/dying batteries out of the fucking thing)

Interesting Parking

In today’s news, “Driver crashes through railings into Elephant and Castle Subway” (the underpass, not the fast-food sandwich place)

BMW in a subway

And wouldn’t you know it? It’s a BMW driver.  Colour me totally unsurprised.

Covering All Options

Is *anyone* really surprised at the news over the weekend that it’s “fairly likely” that allegations of paedophilia by famous people in the 70s and 80s were hidden and denied by politicians? I know I’m not surprised at all.

What did amuse me (or made me despair, I’m not quite certain which) was the quote explaining how documents had gone astray…

The Home Office’s 2013 review found 527 potentially relevant files which it had kept, but a further 114 were missing, destroyed or “not found”.

Well, “Missing, destroyed or ‘not found’” pretty much covers every eventuality, doesn’t it?

Getting Out

This current role was a very bad decision – not just the workplace, but some of the people. Indeed, one of those who interviewed me has since spoken to one of my friends at a techie social event – after I’d left – about my progress and how I’m doing, and whether I’ll leave. In front of other colleagues from the same workplace.

He hasn’t spoken to me about these concerns at all.

I get that he was probably somewhat the worse for wear. There’s usually an excuse somewhere along the line. It doesn’t stop it from having been a totally cuntish thing to do, and it doesn’t stop me from wanting to punch him in the throat.

It’s a good sign that this particular workplace is about as toxic a place as it’s possible to be. They bleat on about being passionate about what you do, and about behaving with integrity, but they don’t do it themselves.

So it’s time to move on. Again.

I’m annoyed with myself, that my quality control has been so flawed. I had my reservations, and this current workplace has lived down to them. That wasn’t a foregone conclusion though – I tried to come in with an open mind, that the interview and paperwork process might’ve been an exception rather than the accepted route. Being stabbed in the back by a colleague is a pretty new experience for me, and not one I intend to repeat any time soon.

Thankfully it’s only been three weeks. This workplace will never show up on my CV, it’ll never be called for a reference. And that’s good, because I don’t want to be associated with this bunch of cunts in any way at all.

Onwards and upwards, my friends. Onwards and upwards.

Bad Decisions

For some reason, my quality control this year on the jobs I’ve taken on has been very flawed.

Admittedly, with the current one I had my reservations from before I started – but what I’d been told about the product itself was sufficiently of interest to make me still want to work there for a while. Mind you, I hadn’t actually seen the product at that point – and it turns out that it’s not a fun product, and isn’t actually doing what I thought it was (or what was described to me pre-start)

Before that was the Cambridge contract, which was dire – but at least I stuck it out for the three month duration. Very much Not My Thing.

The previous bad one (also in Cambridge) was actually last year now, so I suppose it could’ve been worse, and at least I’ve been doing some fun stuff in between.

Usually it’s the case that the really bad ones lead to me looking around and being available for something really cool, so I’m vaguely optimistic about whatever’s coming next.

I just hope that’s the case this time. I’ve had enough of soul-destroying roles for the moment…

Acronyms

The current place has just launched a new product for their customers. They’re proud of it, and they’re flogging it now.

It’s been called “Alternative Reporting System for Executive Decisions”.

No-one – not one of ‘em, not marketing, not the board, no-one – has realised what the acronym for this product is. And they’re launching it.

I could tell them. I can’t be arsed.

[I so wish I was making this up. But I'm not]

Minimum Viable Product

One of the buzzwords in the current (but please God, not much longer) workplace is “Minimum Viable Product“. It basically means “The customer gets what they’ve asked for, and nothing more”.  In other words, “Yeah, fuck it, that’ll do”.

It’s a good concept when a business is starting, when you’re writing the first versions, where it’s a product idea and you don’t know if it’ll work, and/or what’s going to be the popular or desired features. So you write the minimum to launch it, make things work without bells and whistles, and find out what people want. It stops you from diving down the wrong path (and yes, mixed metaphors, live with it) and wasting time that’s valuable, that could be better spent on creating the things people do want.

It’s great for a startup, for a new product.

It’s NOT great in any other eventuality, and particularly not for an established product with customers paying shedloads. It leads to inconsistencies, weird functionality, and general oddities. Buttons disappear, sections are different, and it’s all a bit amateur.  And that’s exactly what we’ve got.

But can you persuade them? Nope. It’s the buzzword, it’s How Things Must Be.

Which just isn’t healthy.

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