You can't polish a turd.

Archive for the category “1BEM”

Average Speed

[No, for once this isn’t about the fuckwits who can’t drive properly with average speed limits/cameras on the M1]

A couple of times in the last week, I’ve witnessed something a bit different when following other drivers on the more rural roads around me.  It’s people who seem to stick to a speed, regardless of what’s going on around them.

There’s a few winding roads near me on key routes – A-roads to get me to see the parents, for example. They’re decent roads, but with absolutely no way to safely overtake when you’re following a fuckwit, crane, HGV etc. – which can make those roads… somewhat wearing.

In this case, I was behind a silly bastard who was sticking to 45mph like shit to a blanket. The road is national-speed-limit, and perfectly doable and safe at 60mph, but no, 45 it was.   Then we get to a village on the road, the speed limit goes down to 30 (for good reason – it’s good a big-ass set of bends in the middle, as well as everything else) including the flashing warning signs if you exceed that. But no, silly bastard still sticks to 45.   So we’ve gone from too-slow to too-fast, without him moving a muscle.  That takes some skill, I suppose.

I’ve seen a couple of other drivers since with the same mind-set, and it’s no less frustrating or weird when you see more than one person doing it.

What I can’t work out is whether it’s pig-headedness (“I’ll get where I need to go at 45, it’s a fine speed”), ignorance (“I don’t care about anyone else, I’m going at my speed”) or just a complete lack of awareness of their surroundings, so they don’t even see the signs, or the line of cars in the mirror.

I just don’t know. They’re bloody scary to follow though…

Self-Inflicted Damage

[Note : As always, I don’t actually give a shit about sport/cricket – I’m more interested in the mindset beneath it in this case]

Over the last couple of days, the news has been full of bloody Kevin Pietersen throwing a strop about not being allowed – yet – back into playing cricket for England.

Apparently a while back it was…

suggest[ed he] could add to his 104 England caps if he joined a county and scored enough runs to merit a recall.

(Quote from the BBC story)

Pietersen did this, and fair play to him.  Earlier this week, he scored a personal best innings, something like 350 not out.  So he’s assumed that on that one showing, he should be allowed back into the England team.

He met Andrew Strauss – the new ‘director of cricket’, apparently – who said there was no chance this summer, and that some people didn’t trust Pietersen.  Which is also fair – Pietersen’s always been an asshat.

But now he’s thrown his toys out the pram about it, and has written about how he feels ‘deceived’ and so on in his column in the Telegraph.

Really, all it seems like is a whining brat. Yes, he’s done what was asked, and had one excellent innings. But that doesn’t make a team player, and doesn’t mean he has to be immediately accepted as part of the England team.

Indeed, if anything is now going to make sure he doesn’t get back in, I’d say it’s his own behaviour in this. (Of course, he won’t see it like that, because he’s perfect and no-one else is. Rah rah rah. Standard asshat behaviour)  I would’ve said he might have a chance if he continues to excel at county level – the same criteria as could be applied to any other up-and-coming player.

But really, how can you trust anyone who throws their toys out like this at any opportunity? When they decide to destroy their own chances and credibility, in a fit that looks more like the act of a stropping toddler kicking their feet and screaming in a supermarket than one of someone wanting to play for – and thus represent – a country’s cricket team?


I will be really glad to see the end of this week, with the General Election being completed and a result being in.

The biggest challenge this year has been in finding someone – anyone – that I actually want to vote for, and wouldn’t want to punch myself repeatedly in the face if they got in.

I suspect today’s election will end up being another coalition and a parliament built on compromise and cobblers, but I still hope that all the punditry and bullshit will be confounded by one party winning enough votes to have overall power.

But that’s it, and I’ll just really be glad when it’s over.  And from there, a new idea/phase/plan can kick in a bit, and see how things go. Another five-year project/plan, shall we say?

A Very Good Deal

Over the weekend, my toaster finally died. (You can tell this one’s going to be interesting, can’t you?) It’s done fairly well, daily service for three years, if not more. Over Easter it had started playing up, but then on Saturday it gave up completely.

So – off to the retail superstore of gloom. (It’s closest, I couldn’t be arsed with faffing about too much, and I had some vouchers to use up)

I had a look, and decided on this one, mainly because it’s purple – I’m shallow like that – and because it was £10 off the marked price, so £40 instead of £50. Fair enough.

But when I got to the tills, it scanned at … hang on … £19?  OK, I’ll check it with the customer services, but that’ll do.

As it was, I also had a number of vouchers (all in “You would’ve saved £x at a different store, so here’s the difference” price-match vouchers) that came to £25. So I effectively ended up with Tesco paying me £6 for my new toaster…

I don’t know quite how it all worked out like that, but I’m not going to complain.

[Additional] : When I went to customer services to check, in case a) the price was wrong or b) their system was wrong, I waited ages to be seen and then the person involved said “Oh, for electrical enquiries you’ve got to go back upstairs and ask them“. To which my thought response was “Fuck that, if you can’t be arsed to check it, I can’t be arsed to report it any further“.

So – a nice new toaster for  the princely sum of minus six pounds.  I can live with that.

Make Up Your Damn Mind

While shopping this morning, I looked at “Glaceau Vitamin Water“. Not for any intention of buying, just out of interest (I got a promo thingy for it, so thought I’d look).

The labelling is….. interesting.

Zero or not?

Zero or not?

So… “Zero Calories”, but 100ml contains 1.5 calories, and 500ml contains 8calories.

All told, that makes it a pretty interesting interpretation of “zero”…

April 1st

And so, another International Day of Japery and Shit Tricks/Jokes/Pranks.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.


Normal programming will be resumed tomorrow.

Six Weeks and Counting

Last night (well, technically this morning, as it happened at 00:01) the UK Parliament was dissolved, in preparation for the General Election on May 7th.

So that’s six weeks of most televised news coverage/programmes, with pontificating ballbags – both politicians and commentators/experts/specialists spouting loads of crap from all the available parties about what they promise to do for the next few years (and almost certainly won’t actually do, once they get in)

As with the run-up to the Festering Season, I’m going to try and avoid as much of it as possible.

I will do (and have been doing) my own reading on who to vote for – mainly by using the actual party’s websites, but also this outline guide, which is vaguely handy – who to support and who not.

I’m still considering (and at this point strongly considering) doing my own party for the next General Election, and seeing how things go. It could be entertaining – which is more than I can say for the next six weeks of bullshit…

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