D4D

Abusing fuckwits for 30 years

Archive for the category “Advertising”

Racist Epilation

One aspect of working from home on a regular basis is that sometimes I get to see daytime TV – including, on occasion, adverts.

In this case, I saw one for the Homedics Duo epilator, and then noticed the small print at the bottom of the screen.

Not effective on red, grey, or light blonde hair. Not suitable for black skin

Now seriously, what the actual fuck is that all about?

An epilator that won’t work on any hair except brown, black (or, one assumes, ‘dark blonde’- whatever the fuck that is) and not on black skin.  Makes it pretty shit, surely?

Mind you, that’s probably why they’re advertising it on bloody daytime TV…

Christmas Parks

ScroogeI don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a  “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.

This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.

Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.

Just Over The Horizon

ScroogeThe Festering Season is coming.

How can I tell? (Other than the simple method of ‘look at the bloody calendar’) It really is quite simple…

  1. The bloody X-Factor has started
  2. There’s already a load of TV ads for Perfume, new console Games and shitty music compilations
  3. There’s also adverts from Park for “an Affordable christmas” for Christmas 2015, for fuck’s sorry sake.
  4. Supermarkets, not content with having chocolate selection boxes etc. out are now starting to put decorations and cards on the shelves too. (And yes, it’s still only mid-October, I know)

I’m just wondering now how long it’ll be ’til I hear the first bloody carol somewhere

 

Forskolin

At the moment, I’m getting an absolute shedload of spam for some supposed new wonder-drug product called “Forskolin”

Now surely it can’t just be me that chuckles at the name, and thinks it’s referring to something somewhat ruder? And really? They couldn’t come up with a better name for a slimming product than something that makes you think “Foreskin” every time?

Failed Survey

I got a survey by email today from Randstad Technology, asking about skills required for management and leaders, as well as about Career Progression etc.

Now, glossing over the fact that my version of “Career” is to use the definition of to move swiftly along; rush in an uncontrolled way” (as in ‘Careering downhill’)  – and thus not really relevant to me, and my opinion not being really relevant to it – there’s a couple of pretty glaring errors on the second page, which amused me somewhat…

OoopsSo I’m assuming that the third top attribute should be ‘numeracy’, and one of the three top skills should be “attention to detail”…

Acronyms

The current place has just launched a new product for their customers. They’re proud of it, and they’re flogging it now.

It’s been called “Alternative Reporting System for Executive Decisions”.

No-one – not one of ‘em, not marketing, not the board, no-one – has realised what the acronym for this product is. And they’re launching it.

I could tell them. I can’t be arsed.

[I so wish I was making this up. But I’m not]

The Devil in the Details – Lloyds

Following on from yesterday’s post about Nissan’s dodgy advertising, maths and small-print, the other ad currently incurring my ire is from Lloyds Bank, advertising their new “Club Lloyds” current account.

Now, while I think that clubbing Lloyds would be a fantastic idea, that isn’t the thing with this new account.  Here’s the ad…

And again, here’s that small-print, while they’re bleating on about how great it is to have an account paying 4% interest…

Pay two separate monthly Direct Debits to earn variable tiered monthly interest. 4.0% AER (3.93% Gross) on balances between £4,000 and £5,000. Lower rates apply for lower tiers

So yep – that 4% interest ONLY applies if you keep more than £4,000 in your current account – but below £5,000. And if we look at that Club Lloyds webpage, what do we find? (I’m going to paraphrase, but you can look for yourself)

  • Balances from £1 – £1,999.99 – 1% interest
  • £2,000 to £3,999.99 – 2% interest
  • £4,000 to £5,000 – 4% interest (and note how that band is half the size of the other two)

And right at the bottom of the explanation?

We don’t pay interest on amounts over £5,000.

Yep – no interest at all if you’ve got over the £5,000 in there.

Fuck you, Lloyds.

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