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B&Q can't find their arses with both hands and a flashlight

Archive for the category “Advertising”

Night Will Fall

Over the weekend, as part of Holocaust Memorial Day, Channel4 showed a documentary called “Holocaust – Night Will Fall” about the films made by the allied forces as they discovered Nazi Germany’s various concentration and death-camps at the end of World War 2, and recorded what they saw and discovered.

While absolutely vile – despite descriptions, you never really see the true results of those camps – it was also essential viewing, and a fascinating story as well.  No modern film can truly show the effects of emaciation on bodies – no actor, regardless of dedication, would put themselves to that level – so you might see people being “very thin”, but the recordings on Night Will Fall put all of that into perspective. It’s not something you can look away from, but nor can you believe either the way the bodies are/were, or the sheer number of deaths. The piles of spectacles, the boxes of dentures, the sacks of human hair – they all show how many died, but you still can’t actually understand the sheer scale of the deaths.  I truly don’t think anyone can envision millions of bodies.

The other impressive thing about the programme was that Channel4 showed it without adverts. A ninety-minute film, straight through. I thought that said a lot about Channel4 (although the more cynical would say “who would actually buy advertising space in the middle of a holocaust documentary anyway?”) but it’s still a commitment on the part of C4, and I fully believe that should be acknowledged and respected, as they’re primarily a commercial channel.

The film/documentary itself, I just think everyone should see it, and that it should be shown in schools as part of a default history curriculum. That sort of thing just should never happen again. Ever.

Knackers

ScroogeAmong the things that have amused me today, the image on this BBC story about German Christmas Markets made me chuckle.

After all, how many times do you get to see the word “Knacker” on the BBC? And particularly in connection to the whole Festering Season…

Knackers to German Christmas Markets

Knackers to German Christmas Markets

It probably says a lot about my mindset that it was the word ‘Knacker’ that I noticed first out of the entire thing…

Spam Tendencies

One of my geekier interests (and there’s a long list, I know) is that I find it interesting what sort of subjects are used by spammers in their efforts to get people to click on their ropy emails/links.

I’ve got one email account that gets spammed rotten, and I look through it on occasion when I’ve nothing better to do.

In this case, I had a look on Saturday evening, while my brain was somewhat comatose, and found that the following seem to be currently popular…

  1. “You’ve been accepted onto this year’s ‘Who’s Who’ listings – click here to verify your details’ (appealing to the vanity of the vacuous who’ve done fuck-all)
  2. Working from home  (no surprise there)
  3. ‘Super-low’ mortgage rates (again, no real surprise)
  4. And some weird shit about ‘this 57 year-old man cured Diabetes/Alzheimers/Cancer’ which I don’t quite get.

Of course there’s plenty of others, but I’d guesstimate that those four account for about 60% of the shit I receive on any given day…

Shotgun Mop

With working from home, I’ve recently seen more adverts on TV than usual. Every so often, I get to one that just makes me wonder what the hell the advertising agency were thinking of – and what persuaded the client company to think it was a good idea too.

Today’s case is this one for a new type of mop by Spontex.

So what’s the message meant to be here?

Is it supposed to be funny?

Surely it can’t be intended to say “Using our new mop could put you at risk of getting shot by the police”?

And what the chuff is the motive for the hedgehog walking across the floor at the end?

I wonder if it will get pulled as and when the police accidentally shoot someone innocent…

Black Friday

According to half the retailers in the UK, today is ‘Black Friday‘. Except, um, it’s not, not really.

Black Friday is the American equivalent of our Boxing Day sales. It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and is traditionally when American stores have all their bargains and super-deals, because it’s usually regarded as the start of the Christmas shopping season.

Obviously, Thanksgiving isn’t something that we in the UK celebrate – and if we did, it would be more about celebrating getting rid of those puritanical shitbags onto the Mayflower in the first place, going off to found the Plymouth Colony.

So Black Friday means the sum total of fuck-all squared, except as a marketing ploy for people to follow and buy yet more shit they don’t really need.

Racist Epilation

One aspect of working from home on a regular basis is that sometimes I get to see daytime TV – including, on occasion, adverts.

In this case, I saw one for the Homedics Duo epilator, and then noticed the small print at the bottom of the screen.

Not effective on red, grey, or light blonde hair. Not suitable for black skin

Now seriously, what the actual fuck is that all about?

An epilator that won’t work on any hair except brown, black (or, one assumes, ‘dark blonde’- whatever the fuck that is) and not on black skin.  Makes it pretty shit, surely?

Mind you, that’s probably why they’re advertising it on bloody daytime TV…

Christmas Parks

ScroogeI don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a  “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.

This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.

Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.

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