Up yours, Kemosabe

Archive for the category “Cynicism”


Well, I’ve now posted my vote/decision on all the Brexit stuff.

My decision can’t be changed.

So can all the political bollocks about it please sod off?

Being A Bad Customer

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been wondering whether I’m a bad customer, whether I expect too much from people. I’ve had a bundle of things where companies have let me down, haven’t done what was expected, and have generally been pretty shit. Nothing major or world-changing, but just constant niggling let-downs and stuff that should be easy, but isn’t.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and particularly those supposedly high expectations – and I still don’t know the answer for sure.

Really though, all I actually expect is for people to do their damn jobs. I don’t ask for some kind of higher-level of things, just to be able to do the bloody job they’re paid for. I assume (and I know that it’s an error, because I’ve worked with too many fuckknuckle shitheads who can’t do their own jobs) that they should be capable.

  • I believe that a delivery company should deliver the package to where it’s addressed, on the day they’ve said they’ll deliver it.
  • I believe that a bank, when I’ve called them, should know who I am, and be able to put me through to my bank manager without asking who that manager is
  • I believe that a recovery company should be able to find a house, and fix a car
  • I believe that my business’s accountants should do things when I ask (or do them proactively) rather than saying “Oh, you don’t need to worry yet, the deadline’s not ’til September”
  • and a bundle of other stuff besides.

But really, I just expect – and hope – that people do their jobs, regardless.

Is that too much to ask?

Stating The Obvious

Why is it that on just about every TV competition show – X-Factor, Masterchef, Bake Off, whatever – when it comes to the semi-finals, one of the hosts always has to say

Any one of these people could win it

Of course they fucking could, they’re in the semi-sodding-final. Stop stating the bloody obvious, you fatuous bollocks-spouting cretins.

Second Thoughts

As I wrote a while back, I’ve signed up to the NSPCC’s “Climb the Gherkin” challenge in about eight weeks’ time. It involves walking (or, if you’re a lunatic, running) up the 38 flights of stairs inside the Gherkin in London to get to the top.

It’s fair to say, I’m having some doubts and second thoughts about the wisdom of it. It’s a lot of steps…

I’ve looked it up – because I’m an idiot – and now know that it’s over 1,000 steps to the top, and that’s making it all a bit real. There’s a lot of me to lift up that many steps, and really not many places where you can get to train or prepare for something like that.

I’ll still go, and I’m sure I’ll complete the challenge. It’s just that it might destroy me along the way…


I think one of the most depressing jobs currently has to be that of a gameshow host on some of the afternoon and evening quiz shows. Quite how they manage to listen to people getting basic stuff wrong without slamming their heads into the desks, or making comments along the lines of “How the fuck do you not know that?!?”

For me, the real trigger points are where it’s a question about (usually) books – although several other subjects get the same kind of responses – and the competitor says “Oh, I’m not really a reading person”. Rage ensues.

Please note, I’m not saying that reading should appeal to everyone, I get that there’s umpteen reasons why people don’t read as much. That’s fine. But still – and maybe it’s me being unrealistic – I kind of expect/hope that people would at least know that Shakespeare wrote Macbeth and Charles Dickens wrote Oliver Twist. You don’t have to have read them to know at least the basics about authors of classics, surely? (After all, I haven’t read either of those, but still know who wrote what)

I think it’s perhaps that the ‘general knowledge’ of a lot of the competitors is really quite focused, that there’s huge gaps in what they know. (And again, yeah yeah, everyone’s different, etc. etc.)  In most rounds – hell, even some of the less-specialist sport ones – I can get a number of correct answers.  OK, I’m lucky enough to be a complete bobble-hat with a decent memory – but I don’t believe I’m that exceptional.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this (you may have guessed) but it’s just something that’s been rattling round my head and annoying me for a fair while.


Yet again, it’s Valentine’s Day.

And verily, I say to thee, Bah Humbug.

I know that’s not seasonally apt, but there’s no equivalent for Feb 14th. So Bah Humbug will just have to suffice.

Missing Letters

Way back in early December, I posted a couple of letters, both by Royal Mail Special Delivery – a service that tracks the letter, requires a signature on delivery, and is guaranteed to be delivered the next working day by 1pm.

In my case, one letter arrived, and the other didn’t.

After a week, I raised this with Royal Mail through Twitter, and they were… pretty slack, to be fair. The letter had disappeared into the system, they needed to investigate, blah blah. At no point did the words “sorry” pass their (online) lips.

Another week or so passed, and they came back with “we can’t find it, can’t you check with the recipients whether they’ve received it or not“. Which is taking the piss, as that was the entire reason for sending the sodding thing by Special Delivery in the first place.  And still, no sorry.

I ended up having to file a compensation claim with Royal Mail – again, the person who paid for the service has to jump through all the hoops, fill in the forms and so on – and wait even more. Still no “sorry”.

I finally got the response today to that compensation claim. They’ve taken six weeks to acknowledge that this “guaranteed service” isn’t, has failed, and I’ve finally got my money back.

The kicker, in my opinion, is that in that letter they say…

“If you need to cover yourself against this in future, I suggest you send items by Special Delivery “Guaranteed”

So the fucking clowns recommend I use the service that lost this letter in the first place – because it’s better. What the fuck?

All told, the customer-service experience of this process has been abysmal.

  • It’s taken nearly two months to get this sorted
  • Once we were past that ‘guaranteed delivery’ timeline, it should’ve been an automatic process to say “Yep, we fucked up, here’s your money back”
  • If you can’t guarantee delivery, don’t guarantee delivery.
  • If you don’t trust your own tracking systems and still require ‘proof’ that the item was posted into the system, you’re doing it wrong

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