You know, there’s been a number of things that’ve gone on over the last few weeks that I should write about here. And yet, I don’t know, I just don’t want to.

I don’t know whether that’ll change again in time, but right now it feels like D4D has come to a natural pause. There’ll still be bits here and there, I’m sure, but the personal bits that became a theme here? I just don’t want to go down that road again at the moment.

We’ll see, I suppose.

At the moment I’m commuting between Bury St Edmunds and Cambridge by train. It works out for the best for me – the times work out OK, I’m really catching up on reading, and it’s cheaper than driving.

Currently, a weekly ticket costs me £45 , and parking at Bury Station is £12 for the week (or £3.50 per day…), so my weekly costs are £57.

Having looked around, the next station along, Thurston, is much the same distance from home, and the parking is free. So I thought I’d have a look at the cost of the ticket.

A weekly ticket from Thurston to Cambridge is – wait for it – £77. Yes, £32 more expensive for one station more. It’s not even that much of a distance…

View Larger Map

The actual route is the dead-straight run between the two, not the highlighted route.

Even more bizarrely, a weekly ticket from Thurston to Bury is – um – £14. Still more expensive than parking at Bury station, but less than half the price of the extended weekly ticket from Thurston->Cambridge.

I’m sure there’s some logic there somewhere. But damn if I can find it.

Last week, I made the decision to stop taking the Citalopram.  It hasn’t done much for me in the year I’ve been taking it – other events have had far more effect on depression, motivation etc. than the anti-depressants have.  I’ve also found that they have a nasty levelling side-effect, making me not care more than when I wasn’t taking them. (By that I mean that everything was just same-same in my head, there were no real highs – or, admittedly, lows – and it all became a bit blah, nothing provoking any form of reaction)

Additonally, the anti-depressants just didn’t seem to really work for me. There were still Bad Days on them, but there weren’t really any Good Days- things more levelled out to Just OK Days. (or Blah Days)   My motivation didn’t shoot up – indeed most of the time it seemed to be harder to be motivated, because well, what was the point? I wasn’t Depressed, but more Couldn’t Be Bothered.

So, I’ve come off completely them.  It’s not the method advised by GPs, but I don’t have the time, tolerance or inclination to do a “gradual withdrawal”. If the withdrawal side-effects were to become really bad (not that I expect them to) then I have a new box ready to be started. But I doubt it’ll be that bad.

Weirdly, the worst time (so far) for being off them seems to be early evening, when my head begins to feel a bit wooly, a bit floaty, not really all that level. It’s not debilitating or unpleasant – just a weird sensation.

I don’t miss the Citalopram.

I don’t know what’s next. I’m going to go back to wanting to do things, and then to trying to find ways to motivate myself to do them. So far that seems to be OK. I’m not perfect – thankfully I’ve never claimed to be – and I do have issues with motivation, or at least Getting Things Done.

I’ll still work on the motivation and so on – I’ve still got the ideas and plans, but need to bring them out into the world – but I don’t think it’s actually necessarily related to depression.

And when all’s said and done, I’d rather have the ups and downs of life, depression and whatever else, instead of the flat day-to-day numbness of Citalopram.

Last night I watched Channel 4′s documentary about recreating Barnes Wallis’ bouncing bomb from the second world war. Apparently most of the documentation and research into the project had been lost in a flood in the sixties, so a Cambridge professor recreated the entire project.

However, the entire thing was let down by the first two minutes – it was based on the question “Will they manage to recreate the bomb?” – which unfortunately had been answered in the first two minutes when they showed footage of the new bomb skipping across the water and hitting the purpose-made dam.  Indeed, I think they’d even shown that footage in the trailers for the damn programme.

I don’t know why they did it this way – the documentary was still interesting in all the technical challenges and so on that went into the initial project – but it would’ve been more interesting if you didn’t know the answer before the research even started.

A photo from the weekend, through iPhone and Autostitch…

Panoramic photo of the beach at Felixstowe Ferry

Taken at Felixstowe Ferry (the old end of Felixstowe) on a fantastic day over the weekend.

Forgot to say, Cricket came back fine, and she’s been doing OK since.

The incision’s pretty much healed up, and the fur’s growing back, so all’s good.

And she’s a lot more relaxed again now, thankfully.

Cricket and Madgit, asleep and intertwined