D4D

Dyslexic Cryptic Crossword Compiler

Archive for the category “BMW Drivers”

Jammed

At the moment, I’m doing regular drives on the Northbound M1, which is currently subject to no less than 15 miles (Fifteen Miles! For fuck’s sake!) of roadworks in one stretch replacing the central barrier, and another stretch installing ‘smart motorways’, in a similar way to how the Southbound M1 was screwed over a couple of years back.

Through both of these stretches, we’ve got the 50mph speed limit and ‘average speed cameras’, which seem to also contain some kind of mind-control that turns the majority of drivers into zombies who can’t see an empty lane, but can see a speed camera and slow down for it. (The phrase ‘average speed’ is utterly beyond them, of course)

It amazes me how bad the driving standards are in these roadworks zones – it’s as though people stick to the lane they were in when they entered the roadworks, and aren’t able to move from it. They don’t move in (or even pull out to overtake) despite any available space, or someone else driving even slower ahead.

I don’t know what can be done to change it – it’s just a human nature thing, I guess – but dear God, it’s bloody annoying to be surrounded by that many dickwhistles.

Interesting Parking

In today’s news, “Driver crashes through railings into Elephant and Castle Subway” (the underpass, not the fast-food sandwich place)

BMW in a subway

And wouldn’t you know it? It’s a BMW driver.  Colour me totally unsurprised.

People Carriers

As has been noted before on here, I do a fair amount of driving on any given week, mainly for commuting. It’s about 400-500 miles per week at the moment – although I’ve had greater mileages, and lesser ones.

One of the things I notice during those drives is how drivers do seem to group up, and that certain groups are infinitely worse than others. There’s always the usual culprits – BMWs, Audis, and White Vans, but there’s another one I notice more over time. MPVs, or people carriers.

I don’t know if it’s because BMW et al don’t actually do people carrier vehicles, but it does seem that MPV drivers are on a par with BMW drivers. In particular it seems that Citroen Xsara Picasso (now renamed the C4 Picasso, I think) are a breed of shit drivers. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen these vacuous bell-ends approach roundabouts in the wrong lanes, cut across lines of traffic, cruise across busy roundabouts, stick their cars into the flow of traffic, weave across multiple carriageways, and generally act like cunts.

So yes, welcome to the ‘shit drivers’ group.

  • BMWs and Audis
  • White Van drivers
  • MPVs – and Picasso drivers in particular.

Lit

This morning’s drive in to work was foggy – foggy enough that you could see maybe three or four car-lengths ahead, and not much more.

So it left me quite gobsmacked to see how many drivers today weren’t bothering with their foglights – and in some cases without any lights on at all.

Considering how every pisswit fuck-knuckle in Christendom seems to put their fog lights on when it’s misty – and then leave them on for three damn days afterwards – it’s pretty amazing when you come across cars today (and particularly bloody silver ones) with no lights on at all.

What on earth are these drivers thinking? (And yes, I know, they’re not thinking)  After all, it’s not like they can see any better than I could – I just don’t get the mindset of “Oh well, other people will be able to see me, even if I can’t see them”

I don’t mind people being stupid, inconsiderate, and fuck-witted. If they want to die on the road, that’s fine with me. What I do mind is the other people affected by those decisions. And that’s just cuntish.

Common Sense (Or Lack Thereof)

Following on from yesterday’s horrid (yet spectacular) crash in Kent on the Sheppey Crossing, the BBC’s now carrying a story saying that various people are wanting warning signs, lighing etc. on the bridge to prevent such an accident again.

The thing is, I don’t see how that’s going to improve things. (other than in the context of Being Seen To Be Doing Something)

The accident(s) happened in thick fog. As such, I would suspect that the actual primary causes of the accident(s) were

  1. Fog
  2. Drivers going too fast
  3. Drivers not using their lights/foglights
  4. Drivers being dickheads

I get the idea of warning signs on the crossing – again, in that context of Being Seen to be Doing Something – but I can’t see how they’ll improve safety. After all…

  • If they’re warning of thick fog, will people be able to see them in – um – the thick fog?
  • If they’re giving warnings, won’t they also be distracting the attention of dickhead drivers who don’t seem able to multitask?

If the warning signs just read “Don’t be a fucking moron”, it might help. But even then, it would be helping far less than drivers simply not being fucking morons.

 

Driving Thoughts

A small selection of questions and thoughts from the drive in to work this morning…

1)  Look, if you’re driving so slowly in a car that trucks are pulling out to overtake you, maybe you should speed the fuck up, or get off the bloody road.

2) It’s foggy. So why are so many people driving

  1. without any lights at all or
  2. without their foglights on?

Usually it only takes a tiny piece of mist and they’re all in use, but this, with visibility of fuck-all-squared, there’s loads of people without lights. What the hell?

(And on a side note, bloody hell, I’m glad I’m not involved in this lot in Kent!)

3) Relatedly, why is it that once the fog clears up, you fuck-knuckle bastards leave your sodding foglights on ?  They’re there for a reason, remember to turn the cocking things off when they’re no longer necessary

4) Why is it that so-called “professional drivers” (articulated trucks, delivery stuff, coaches etc.) usually end up being the most dangerous ones on the road?

5) If that’s how you drive, Mr Driving Instructor, then I truly fear for the skills of your pupils.

6) If you can’t steer/handle a shopping trolley, it really scares me to know that you’ve arrived here by car, and will be driving home. Jesus.

 

Foggy

Last night and this morning, my drive from/to work was extremely foggy.  This morning was worse, but even last night was pretty entertaining.

What always gets me though is the way people handle foggy conditions when they’re driving – particularly with regard to one of the banes of my life, foglights.

At night, it’s exceptionally rare to need foglights – they’re only for times where visibility is exceptionally low, and you’ve no chance of seeing the vehicle in front of you without the additional lights. The good old Highway Code says

Rule 236 : You MUST NOT use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced (see Rule 226)

Rule 226 : “You MUST use headlights when visibility is seriously reduced, generally when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 feet). You may also use front or rear fog lights but you MUST switch them off when visibility improves.”

With lights on at night, it’s exceptionally rare to not be able to see the car 100 metres ahead of you.Yet most of the fuckknuckle cunts are there, belting along with their foglights on.

And yet this morning, when it was actually really bad visibility, most people didn’t put their lights on at all, let alone the foglights.

I truly do not understand people.

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