D4D

Improving sarcasm for thirty years

Archive for the category “Commuting”

15 Apr 2013

Bastardry

Over the last year, one particular section of my daily commute has made me realise two things

  1. People are really fucking stupid
  2. I’m a complete bastard, and still get amused by watching stupid people screw things up

The road section is this one – Junction 13 of the M1.  The particularly bad section is at the top – I come off the Motorway at the bottom right of the photo, have to go all the way round the first roundabout, over the motorway bridge, and straight over the second one to head towards home.

Map of J14 of the M1

Junction 13 of the M1

However, rule #1 above says that people are really fucking stupid. This means that

  • At least once a week, I see people on the first roundabout wanting to turn right (i.e. the same way I go), get confused, and drive back on to the M1, instead of taking the next turn off.
  • Pretty much every day I see people in the wrong lanes on the first roundabout, being in the left-hand lane to turn right, right-hand lane to turn left or go straight-on, cutting lanes across the roundabout, etc. etc.
  • Probably three times out of five, I’ll see people come off the other roundabout, and be totally confused about where to go next. That turn-off has two lanes – the left one to go straight on, the right one to – yes! – turn right. The number of people I follow who are in the wrong lane, and completely bemused by the junction is just unreal.

Of course, with option two there is also the – very minor – justification that it’s a confusing or badly designed junction (and in my opinion it is a bit shit) but it actually isn’t that bad. Slightly obscure, but not bad – so long as drivers read the signs and the roads.  Which is, of course, the underlying problem.

And rule #2 is that I’m still a bastard. I can’t help but laugh at the fuck-knuckles who drive back onto the M1, and also (to a lesser degree) to the ones who fuck up the second roundabout.

I’m not perfect when it comes to driving – and I’d never claim to be – but at least I can read the road and don’t screw up the simple things.

Posted by lyle in 1BEM, Charm School, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Stupidity, Travel | Leave a Comment
28 Feb 2013

Congestion Lane (Again)

Last night, I finally saw the M1 Congestion Scheme in full effect – vehicles in all four lanes, using the whole thing properly.

The only problem?

All the signs were saying “Hard shoulder for emergency use only”, so the scheme wasn’t *actually* active at the time.

Some days I really despair.

Posted by lyle in Commuting, Driving, M1, People, Travel | Leave a Comment
10 Feb 2013

Hire Car

While Mondeo was knackered, I ended up getting a hire car from Enterprise for a couple of weeks.

As it turned out, they gave me a brand new (as in 9 miles on the clock) Renault Megane, which was interesting.  Not great, but interesting.

Personally, I really didn’t like the car – I found it deeply underpowered (dangerously so, when it came to overtaking) although once it got up to speed, it stayed there. I’m actually really surprised by it, having looked at the spec and the pricing.

From the look of it, the engine isn’t much less powerful than the one on the Mondeo – so frick knows what it’s doing with it, because the acceleration on it was dirt-poor. When overtaking, you could actually watch the digital speedo click up mile by mile, and by God it took it’s time.  The fuel-consumption was also well below the advertised/specced 40.9mpg – the best I got was an indicated 36, which is the same as I’m getting on the Saab.

Finally, it’s been a long while since I felt actively nervous driving a car, but this one managed it. In particular, the drive back from Stockport on Tuesday was decidedly nerve-wracking.  The weather was vile, and the car itself felt like a skittish little lightweight tin can, with no protection or security.

I’m glad I’ve tried the car, but I’m also massively pleased to have given it back.  I certainly wouldn’t consider buying one.

 

 

Posted by lyle in Commuting, Domestic, Driving, Getting Organised, Reviews(ish), Thoughts, Travel, Work-related | Leave a Comment
27 Dec 2012
2 Comments

On the Shoulder

One of the developments in the work that’s been going on with the M1 has been a new congestion relief scheme.  It’s been piloted on other motorways (mainly around Birmingham) and has now made its way to junctions 7 to 15 on the M1.

The plan is surprisingly simple, but takes a lot of work beforehand. Basically, the hard shoulder becomes a fourth lane in times of need, and new ‘refuges’ off the hard-shoulder are put in for cars that actually have broken down.

It’s a good scheme, and since going ‘live’ in early December it’s worked well, except for one assumption that has turned out to be rather flawed.  And that assumption is this : that drivers actually read motorway signs.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about drivers who can’t (or won’t) think ahead and so fuck up traffic for everyone, and this is a similar situation.

Basically, when you can use the hard shoulder, the road information signs read “Congestion. Use hard shoulder“.  You’d think that was pretty simple, and easy to understand. But no, most drivers appear to not see it, or not understand it.

How do I know? Because I do use the hard shoulder, and blast past the drivers in the other three lanes. (When I say ‘blast’, I’m usually going 60 – it’s just the other three lanes are stuck and doing 40) It’s perfectly legal, because I’m not jogging between lanes, just sticking to my inner lane and going past slower traffic.  But when I do, a good 40% of the drivers flash their lights at me, implying (I assume) that they think I’m doing something wrong. Which implies that they’ve not read the signs, that they think the hard shoulder isn’t for driving on.

It’s not common yet, which could be the other reason people don’t get it. Whether it’ll catch on, I don’t know. But I do know it works pretty well so long as you can read the damn signs.

Posted by lyle in 1BEM, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, Stupidity, Thoughts, Work-related
14 Dec 2012

Forward Thinking

Last night, my drive home (less than twenty miles, all on motorway) took nearly two hours. The cause? A truck with a blown tyre, needing to get it replaced. Because it was an offside wheel, Health and Safety now apparently means that the inside lane needs to be coned off and closed as well, ensuring a safe (or at least comparatively so) workspace for the people replacing the tyre. And I’ve got to be honest, that’s one job I wouldn’t fancy.

I understand that need though, and it doesn’t annoy me. It’s one of those things – it’s not like the trucker planned it to happen, it’s just a facet of the number of miles trucks do. Shit happens.

But while that was the cause of the delays, it wasn’t the reason for the delays. The reason is something that does piss me off – shitty drivers (and particularly the so-called ‘professional drivers’ of trucks, coaches etc.) who don’t move out of the closed lane ’til the last possible second.

In this case, the ‘lane closed’ warnings were in place for eight or nine miles beforehand – and the delays went all that way back. And all of that distance, people were sticking into that lane that they knew was closed – that the signs were reporting as closed. I kept on seeing ‘professional drivers’ bombing down the hard shoulder as well, trying to avoid the stuck traffic. I truly hope those cunts got hauled in by the police and/or Highways Agency, but I’m willing to bet they didn’t.

The only time these (primarily truck-driving) fuck-knuckles moved out of ‘their’ lanes was once the cones were pushing them out, so they had to come in to the next lane, and squeeze in at the last second. It buggers things up, because the people already in that lane then have to move out, or brake and pause to let the fuck-knuckles in, and every time that happens, the jam behind gets worse.

If people moved out in plenty of time, paid heed to the road signs, and worked with the flow of traffic, the entire thing wouldn’t be anywhere near the hassle it proved to be last night.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? It’s never going to happen.

Posted by lyle in Commuting, Driving, People, Thoughts | Leave a Comment
27 Nov 2012
1 Comment

Little Things

Yesterday morning, the 20-mile commute to work took nearly two hours. The M1 was absolutely rigid, the residue of earlier accidents – and the other side was stuffed as well due to shitbag idiots rubbernecking at the accidents.

About the only high point was that for the entire time, I was right behind a Mclaren MP4-12C (one of the ugliest car names in Christendom) which is a thing of beauty. It’s the little things that make a day easier.

But it was another example of something that’s always left me a bit bemused – in the UK (and probably most other countries too) just what is the point of a supercar / hypercar like the Mclaren? By the time you get to the UK’s legal limit, you’re lucky if you’re in third gear, and the top speed (205mph) is nearly 3 times the legal limit.

I can see the point of owning things of beauty – but to me, it’s also about using that thing, letting it fulfil its potential.

I guess I understand the concept, I just don’t really get the point.

Posted by lyle in Commuting, Driving, Thoughts
15 Nov 2012
1 Comment

Driving in the Fog

This morning, as with several others recently, there was a really thick fog during my morning commute.

Personally, I don’t mind driving in fog – it’s not something that worries me. What does worry me, though, are the other drivers. I’ve driven on empty roads in fog which is fine, and I’ve done night drives in fog which are also fine.

But a rush-hour drive in fog is something else – it’s like people just activate the “fuckwit” button in their heads, and away we go.  Even worse, those fuckwits partake in polar opposites.  You either see people with foglights on when they don’t need to be (for instance, if you’re sat in a jam of slow-moving traffic, you don’t need your sodding fog-lights on) or with no lights on whatsoever. (That’s one that utterly boggles my mind – particularly the drivers of silver cars with no lights)  You either see people driving at 20mph or 80mph.

I don’t know why fog affects people this way – or maybe it just accentuates normal stupidity – but it makes the roads an interesting experience.

Posted by lyle in 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Commuting, Driving, Fog, Work-related

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