It seems like loads of people around us spent last weekend putting up all their fucking manky house decorations for the Festering Season. some of them really do have to be seen to be believed.
In particular, two houses on my regular commute have gone hysterically over the top. I’m going to have to stop off some time this week on the way home and see what I can do about getting a couple of photos.
The TV’s full of shitty ads about perfume, CDs, chocolates, and fucking scumshit bastard Iceland.
And to top it off I’ve just had a spam email of “Festive Offers from Tesco Credit Card”. Fuck off, you dirtbags.
Well hellooooo, December.
Details of the work Christmas Party are now coming out. I’m still not going, but even I have to admit that the directors here are being remarkably generous…
Consider these points :
- The party has been booked at the (apparently good) restaurant at one of the local NT Properties.
- There’s also a disco/dance thing after the meal
- The company has booked the entire place
- Everyone who’s going will be collected by taxi from home, taken to the do, and taxis have been booked to take them home again. That’s paid for.
- The only thing that people attending the do will have to pay for is their own drinks from the bar. All the food and wine at the table is being paid for by the directors.
- People going to the party can leave work in mid-afternoon to go and get ready. They’re also not expected to come in to work the following day ’til mid-morning.
I reckon that’s pretty generous, and I’m not even going!
Now this is my kind of way to scare kids in a Christmas Parade…
Santa cart with deer heads instead of reindeer...
From There, I fixed it
In a bit of deja vu from roughly this time last year, my new workplace is organising a big Christmas Party, and I’m doing my best to avoid it.
Thankfully I’ve got a couple of decent non-Scrooge reasons for not going (no partners, an hour’s drive afterwards, not actually wanting to be sober amidst a bunch of pissed bastards) as well as the fact that I simply don’t want to go, and have no interest whatsoever in going.
This year I’m not quite in the position of “I don’t like you when I work with you, why the fuck would I want to socialise with you outside work hours” (yet) which is somewhat of a novelty in itself. But just because I don’t (yet) want to maim them horribly doesn’t mean I want to socialise with them on a Festering Season do either.
So I’m making my excuses and not bothering to go. Suits me fine.
In an early front-runner for “Smuggest advert of the Festering Season”, the fuckstick bastards at Tesco have dropped a blinder. Not just smug and insanely early, but as sexist and shit as it’s possible to be.
A rough version of the text (it’s engraved in my brain having seen the cocking advert once) goes as follows…
Toys.
Come December 25th there’ll be Action Man for boys and Barbie for girls.
And yes, we know it’s only October. But Christmas comes quickly round here.
Smug overbearing materialistic shit-flogging sexist fuckbag cunts. Fuck off with your shite, you weaselly tossbags.
The latest marketing ‘trend’ seems to be to emulate Apple by branding any given product with an “i” at the start, in the theme of iPod, iPhone, iDontCare etc. etc.
The one that boggles my brain more than usual in the current adverts is the Babyliss iTrim. It’s a fucking razor. Nothing iconic, nothing trendy. A fucking electric razor. That’s it.
Of course, we’re now in the advertising run-up to the Festering Season, so it’s all go for adverts about shit like this, so I’m sure it’s not going to be the last product this year with an i at the start of the name.
It’s still bullshit though. Sorry, iBullshit.
Now this is my kind of Christmas Spirit.
Random mobs of ‘tree-surgeons’ going round, cutting down christmas trees and shoving them through the chipping machine.
Sadly it’s not the case in this instance, which appears to be more “mistaken identity” than “Bloody christmas”.
Which is a pity.
Still, it gives me an idea for later in the year…
