This is something I've been thinking about writing for a while - it's a rant that I've run through more times over the years, as convenience food becomes more and more commonplace.

  More and more, we're becoming a nation, even a world, of instant gratification. Things have to happen now, or within 30 seconds, having to wait is simply unacceptable. Mail is being superceded by e-mail - instant communication with anyone else who has email. Mobile phones enable instant contact, rather than waiting for someone to be at home. SMS (text messaging) has become easier than speech - a simple message communicating thoughts, meeting points, times, anything - immediately. The internet has meant that rather than looking in a library or in a book, we go online and the information is there. Broadband just makes the internet access quicker. And with everything else becoming quicker, even food has followed on.

  For once, I'm not actually referring to Fast Food, to things like Macdonalds, Burger King, all that kind of crap. Instead, I'm talking about things like convenience food, frozen stuff that just needs microwaving, or whatever. There's some of it I can't complain about too much, because I'm as guilty as anyone of using it. However, as with anything, there are levels. Frankly, we can't all be arsed to go through all the steps to make a steak and kidney pie, or blend your own soup, that kind of thing. That's convenience food that is actually convenient.

  The things I truly loathe are the ones for people who are lazy. Things like microwaveable porridge, pre-mixed tuna and mayonnaise, tinned breakfasts (bacon, sausage, beans and egg - IN A CAN! - I shudder to think...), and instant or frozen mashed potato, that type of thing. Occasionally, i'll go to a supermarket and/or a shop like Iceland to see what the latest things are, purely because they still amaze me so much of the time.

  I still believe my all time favourite was the frozen jacket potato (baked potato, for Americans). It took an hour to cook in the oven. Now that was a real beauty of a scam - and is still sold today. Frozen mashed potato and frozen rice also took my breath away. There's so many different items that completely boggle my mind for this kind of thing - and now we're in what appears to be the start of a new phase - the "easy cook" items.

  Walking around the supermarket, it's always seeing things like "Quick cook" pasta that amazes me the most. Now, maybe I'm wrong about this, but pasta's hardly something you need to cook for hours beforehand - in fact, how the hell can pasta be cooked quicker than the time it takes anyway? I don't think i've ever needed to cook pasta for more than about 10 minutes - and that was the bastard wholeweat stuff. (And frankly, if it takes that much longer to cook, I don't want to think about how much longer it takes to digest) So what's been done to make pasta quicker to cook? Christ only knows - I neither know nor care, because I simply don't want to buy fucking "easy cook" pasta or "quick cook" rice.

  And for crying out loud - frozen mashed potato? How the hell can anyone justify buying that crap? There's convenience food, and there's completely bone frigging idle. Frozen mashed potato comes so far into the latter category, it's crossed the line into "you have to be kidding me!" The same goes for things like frozen roast vegetables, frozen stir-fry veg, and many others - I'm sure there's plenty I haven't noticed yet as well.

  I think that the other thing that worries me in conjunction with the entire "ease and convenience" ethos is that all this stuff is packed with extra additives, e-numbers, flavourings, fat, salt, and who knows what else. At least when we cook this stuff ourselves (and it's hardly rocket science to bung pasta in a pan of boiling water and leave it for 5 or ten minutes) we know what we've done to it. Instead, in the name of quick food, of saving 5 minutes of our precious time in the pursuit of instant gratification, we fill our bodies with chemicals, additives, excess salt, and endless amounts of other garbage. All to save five minutes.

  This is the age of instant everything - instant messages, instant information, everything there is has to be done quicker, easier, faster, better, and to hell with the consequences, the hell with the future, who cares so long as everything can be done now, and we have what we want right now.