This will mean absolutely fuck all to any non-UK readers, but it's coming towards 5th November. OK, it's important because it's my birthday too, but it's also Guy Fawkes Night. What this means is that between the end of August and about the end of November, fireworks of various sizes, noises, etc. are available in shops for little bastards to buy.

  OK, yes, it's more than that. Plenty of families just have little small family firework parties in their gardens, and they buy them too. But primarily (or so it seems) it's the little bastards who are the prime buyers in this market place, and then they're just letting them off in the streets, no protection, no safety, absolutely feck all idea of what they're doing.

  Every year about now, the Government will release an advert camaign saying "be careful of fireworks. They're dangerous and can maim/kill" blah blah blah. Of course, if they were serious about wanting to cut the injuries/deaths/damage caused by pyrotechnics like this, they'd make them illegal to sell, or at least make them harder to buy.

  Now, don't get me wrong, I love fireworks. I'm a total pyrotechnics geek at the best of times, and come November Fifth I'm like a pig in shit. But even with that, I don't believe that they should be able to be sold to any member of Joe Q Public, particularly when the purchaser is either way under 16 themselves, or is obviously going to give them to people way under 16. Too many people get hurt by them every year, too much property gets damaged or destroyed. Basically, people either forgot or never realise that these devices are essentially just prettily packaged bombs. Nothing more, nothing less. To paraphrase John Carpenter's Dark Star film, they're bombs, their purpose is to explode.

  Now I know that local shopkeepers have to make a profit and blah, blah, blah, but do they have to flog fireworks to little kids (also known as little bastards in the local vernacular) so they can set them off in the streets, drop them through letter boxes, and generally run the risk of hurting either themselves or other people with them. And all for a little bit of shopkeeper profit - is it really worth it?

  As I've said, I love fireworks, I love the displays that can be put on. But no, I don't believe that simply anyone should be able to have a few fireworks in their back guarden, and definitely not just to fuck about with them on the streets. I don't agree that fireworks should be available to the public, much the same as I don't actually believe any explosive devices should be freely available. Every year the government spends millions on advertising about fireworks safety, and I think that money could be better spent on "official" displays, and on making sure people stay safe, rather than just advising them to be safe.

  Actually, that's what a lot of it comes down to - whether a government should act, or advise. In this case, they should act.