One thing that 2002 helped me realise - or at least helped to make more brutally clear than was perhaps necessary - is that when I try and plan things, it all goes tits up at a devestating rate. Part of it was that I'd become sort of complacent about some things, more expecting things to happen rather than necessarily working to achieve them. I can't blame anyone else for it - in the top 100 people who should know by now that if you want to achieve anything, you have to do everything yourself in order to get the goal, I'm pretty high on the list. But I allowed myself to forget that for a while, to noy necessarily be as hands-on and in charge as I usually am.

  In hindsight, 2002 was very much a "year off" - only my subconscious decided to take it without bothering to notify anyone else, like the conscious part of the brain, or anything else that could possibly be counted as relevant. It just upped and left, packed it's luggage and stuffed off on holiday, taking everyone else with it as slightly unwilling (well, more accurately, completely bloody dazed) passengers. It must have looked like the psychic/mental equivalent of a Shearings coach holiday to Butlins. All very strange.

  Of course, it was also much needed. I can't fault the judgement of my subconscious, merely it's methods of communicating with the outside world. Never a good thing, when that little voice starts thinking it's in control. Even worse when at the end of the year it's also been provbed right.

  So - what're the plans for 2003? In truth, I'm working at not really having many plans - there's one or two things I'd like to have done by the end of the year, and some others that I'd like to do but that I know can wait a while if need be. Knowing how my plans always fall by the wayside, I'm looking at probabilities and possibilities, rather than necessarily saying "I want to have done x, y and z by the end of the year." If everything goes tits-up again, or the subconscious calls another time-out, I won't be disheartened or depressed that some things won't get done. Bizarrely, I've already got a nagging feeling in the back of my head that holding an attitude like that is going to make it into a very productive year. I've always been in tune withh Sod's Law when it comes to life and achievements.

  The strangest thing though is that already things are better this year than they were in 2002. After a year of scraping through financially, within two weeks of the new year, I'm back to working properly, getting paid a decent (well, if I'm honest an obscene) amount, all my bills are paid and most of them are in credit (one of my favourite tactics when I can achieve it - companies love being owed money, but hate owing their customers anything) until March, and things in general are just beginning to look a lot more positive. The negative part of my head is saying "Enjoy it while you can - it won't last" but I'm trying to ignore that part as much as possible.

  So, what would I like to have done by the end of this year? As I've said in a previous piece, the main big thing I'd like to have done, or at least be well on the way to doing, by the end of the year is to have a house of my own, rather than continuing to rent places. It's an odd one for me, because up until less than two years ago, I had no desire whatsoever to own a house, no intention of doing anything like that - but now it's something that feels like the right thing to do. Obviously that old subconscious is still making it's voice heard somewhere along the line.

  Actually, that's the main thing that the ridiculous money the current job is paying me is going towards. Using the money to go towards a decent level of deposit (Well, a Mancunian decent level of deposit - if I were in the London area, it would hardly even make a dent on a deposit) on a house, and work on the rest after that. With luck, it should be an achievable goal - owning a house will be a huge leap for me personally, and will take a huge amount of weight off my mind.

  Ah weight. (Thanks, subconscious, knew there was something else) That's the other thing on the "bloody nice to achieve" list. Back at the start of 2002, I was going regularly to a gym, and I'd lost a respectable amount of weight. However, in the "break from life", the gym was one of the first victims, and I've put back on some of the weight I'd lost. So while I've no intention of joining the hordes at the New Year start-ups of Weight Watchers, Fat Fuckers 'R' Us, SlimFast or any of the other multitudinous dieting plans, I do want to get back into working out regularly, and losing a bit of weight while gaining a bit more fitness. I'm never going to be some 10 or 11 stone beanpole, it's not something I even aspire to, but just losing some excess will be worthwhile.

  And really that's it on the "would really like to have done by the end of the year" list. There's a lot more on the "would like to do, but can live with not doing" page, and there's several on there that I've got every intention of doing this year too - but as the title says, if I don't manage to do them, well, I'll have no problem with that either.

  I still very much want to visit Canada, and particularly Toronto - so that's on the list. I'd like to sort out driving, if only because it now annoys me that it's something I don't do (and have never done, rather than having been banned or anything daft) - again, it was something that I was working on at the start of 2002, and then what with everything else that went on (or didn't go on, depending on your perspective) I didn't manage to complete it and get it out of the way, so that's something I'd very much like to have done by the end of the year, even if I don't own a car in that time. It's just something I'd like to have done, and achieved this year.

  Other than that, there's other bits I'd like to do, but nothing hugely interesting or relevant. Keeping on writing stuff for d4d of course, and seeing where that gets to by the end of the year. Preparing to start off the Open University course I want to be doing from February 2004, and maybe getting into some further education before then. I've also got some other ideas for my won business that I'd like to get under way and working on properly, see if I can make a success of them. It's all things I think will work, but now need to work on proving it.

  So, as 2003 starts, I do feel more at ease, more prepared for the coming twelve months, and generally just more comfortable with life, myself and my subconscious. And that seems like a pretty good way to start the year, to be honest. We'll just have to see how it goes from here.