Shops closed for two days? PANIC!
So - there's less than a week to go until Christmas, and it's now that the panic buying starts. I'm not talking about the last minute presents, the men saying "Well, she's about this size, can't you tell what bra she needs from that - of course she likes it in scarlet, you fool", last minute purchases of "anything'll do, because I've no idea what they really want" and urgent bullshit. No, this is the important thing - the supermarket shop.
I don't know what it's all about, but people realise that the supermarkets will be closed for two whole days, and pure panic sets in. It's not even as though Christmas falls on a weekend this year- then I could perhaps understand this mad frenzy that seems to sweep people at this time of year. But it seems to be simply that people panic because the shops will be closed.
Try to do a last minute shop for food just before Christmas, and it's more likely to resemble a scene from Dante's Inferno - somewhere around the seventh level of hell, in my estimation. If the Inferno was written now, each level of damnation would be represented by a supermarket at Christmas. I'm not sure which one represents the ultimate level - my personal suspicion would be Kwik-Save, but who knows?
What you find as you enter the supermarket is that it's absolutely filled with people who are doing the same thing - they're all there stocking up on things that they thinky they might have some vague inhuman possibilty of needing during the 48 hours where shopping isn't possible. People who've never bought horseradish in their lives are buying four jars, "just in case". They're not even having roast beef - you can see the turkey sat in the trolley thinking "fucking hell, I wish I'd missed that axe, now look, I'm with plebs who might want to do horseradish with turkey. Now, where's the bastard cranberry sauce - I'll get up and get it off the shelf myself if I have to". As well as the turkey, the trolley's filled with bog-rolls, ("well, it's christmas, we might suddenly use the toilet 15 times more than we do on a normal day") booze and bread. Why they're the essentials, I just don't know. OK, I can understand the booze, but even so, why buy it at the last minute - it's not like it's going to go off or anything.But bread? Are these people suddenly going to start having a toast frenzy, instead of the traditional mince-pie and sherry, they're going to give the fat bearded jolly old sod a loaf with which to feed his reindeer? Are they poor, not going to have a proper roast dinner (despite that turkey sitting in the trolley too - see, I didn't forget, but maybe they have) and just going to subsist on bread for the entire festive period?
I don't understand it at all - thankfully, I've never said I had any idea about the way people think. The last minute shop seems to have some kind of talismanic quality (well, the manic part of it's spot on, anyway) like an act of reassurance that "we haven't forgotten anything; we're prepared, we are" and I suppose it's also fuel for any argument over missing ingredients for Christmas meals or whatever, being able to say "Well, it was YOU who did the list"/"Well, it was YOU who did the final shop" and allocate blame and stress throughout this period of love and happiness. It's not really the season to be jolly - it's the season to bicker with loved ones for no good reason at all.
And with all the last minute panic shopping, is there ever really a chance to get in the Christmas "mood"? If I were in that position, I don't think there would be. I can understand buying vegetables in the last couple of days before Christmas, that's a no-brainer, but I just don't understand the entire philosophy of the last minute panic for essentials.
Big fucking deal, the shops are shut. You're not going to suddenly quadruple your intake of food, no matter how much it's the festival of gluttony. There's no need to buy an extra five bloody loaves of bread, or the extra twelve-pack of toilet-roll (even with food poisoning, you're not going to need that much more than usual), or any of the other crap that you're buying at the last minute. It's pointless - but it's part of the entire ritual of the festering season, and some things will never change.
I don't know what it's all about, but people realise that the supermarkets will be closed for two whole days, and pure panic sets in. It's not even as though Christmas falls on a weekend this year- then I could perhaps understand this mad frenzy that seems to sweep people at this time of year. But it seems to be simply that people panic because the shops will be closed.
Try to do a last minute shop for food just before Christmas, and it's more likely to resemble a scene from Dante's Inferno - somewhere around the seventh level of hell, in my estimation. If the Inferno was written now, each level of damnation would be represented by a supermarket at Christmas. I'm not sure which one represents the ultimate level - my personal suspicion would be Kwik-Save, but who knows?
What you find as you enter the supermarket is that it's absolutely filled with people who are doing the same thing - they're all there stocking up on things that they thinky they might have some vague inhuman possibilty of needing during the 48 hours where shopping isn't possible. People who've never bought horseradish in their lives are buying four jars, "just in case". They're not even having roast beef - you can see the turkey sat in the trolley thinking "fucking hell, I wish I'd missed that axe, now look, I'm with plebs who might want to do horseradish with turkey. Now, where's the bastard cranberry sauce - I'll get up and get it off the shelf myself if I have to". As well as the turkey, the trolley's filled with bog-rolls, ("well, it's christmas, we might suddenly use the toilet 15 times more than we do on a normal day") booze and bread. Why they're the essentials, I just don't know. OK, I can understand the booze, but even so, why buy it at the last minute - it's not like it's going to go off or anything.But bread? Are these people suddenly going to start having a toast frenzy, instead of the traditional mince-pie and sherry, they're going to give the fat bearded jolly old sod a loaf with which to feed his reindeer? Are they poor, not going to have a proper roast dinner (despite that turkey sitting in the trolley too - see, I didn't forget, but maybe they have) and just going to subsist on bread for the entire festive period?
I don't understand it at all - thankfully, I've never said I had any idea about the way people think. The last minute shop seems to have some kind of talismanic quality (well, the manic part of it's spot on, anyway) like an act of reassurance that "we haven't forgotten anything; we're prepared, we are" and I suppose it's also fuel for any argument over missing ingredients for Christmas meals or whatever, being able to say "Well, it was YOU who did the list"/"Well, it was YOU who did the final shop" and allocate blame and stress throughout this period of love and happiness. It's not really the season to be jolly - it's the season to bicker with loved ones for no good reason at all.
And with all the last minute panic shopping, is there ever really a chance to get in the Christmas "mood"? If I were in that position, I don't think there would be. I can understand buying vegetables in the last couple of days before Christmas, that's a no-brainer, but I just don't understand the entire philosophy of the last minute panic for essentials.
Big fucking deal, the shops are shut. You're not going to suddenly quadruple your intake of food, no matter how much it's the festival of gluttony. There's no need to buy an extra five bloody loaves of bread, or the extra twelve-pack of toilet-roll (even with food poisoning, you're not going to need that much more than usual), or any of the other crap that you're buying at the last minute. It's pointless - but it's part of the entire ritual of the festering season, and some things will never change.
