So we’re only three weeks into 2018, and already I’ve lost a week’s posts. Just didn’t do them – started stuff, but life and other stuff got in the way, so I’ve started the year by being crap. (Not that that’s anything unusual, but there we go) Sure, I could cheat and backdate some things, but that’s not really the way to go. I could, but I won’t.
It’s sort-of annoying, but at the same time it’s a result of being a) stupidly busy and b) that overall sense of Grey. Thankfully,the tail-end of last week involved some brighter days where blue sky was visible along with direct sunlight, and that’s helped a lot.
This year I don’t know that I’ll always keep to the posting routine – but I’ll do my best.
Anyway, here we go for the rest of the year, and let’s see how I do…
January is a funny old month in some ways – and particularly so when I look at how it affects my SAD and so on.
As usual, this January has been grey. Different degrees of grey admittedly, including some brighter/lighter grey days, and a fair bundle of darker ones.
Grey days are the ones that affect me the most, regardless of the degree. I find that a grey week with no sight of the sun really affects me – I still get out for fresh air and some daylight, but a few days without direct sunlight and it leaves me feeling far flatter and more tired than usual.
As it is, I’ve found more and more that I can deal with shorter days (although obviously I notice them, and they affect me) so long as they’re bright, and have sight of sunlight. The days now are getting longer – almost imperceptibly, but they are. But with this weeks lack of sun, it’s actually been a far tougher week to get through.
Hopefully the coming week will have more chances for some decent daylight.
Yesterday was the Winter Solstice – the Shortest Day (and, of course, the Longest Night) of 2017.
From here on, for the next six months, the days get longer again. Only by a few seconds per day, but it all adds up.
Honestly, the Winter Solstice is more important to me than the whole of the Festering Season.
So every year I’m happy to see it happen. The dark days are finite, even if they come round again next year.
The weekend just gone ended up being a proper weekend “off”, and much needed. The last few weeks (well, months) have been pretty hectic, what with one thing and another. This weekend had been kind-of empty, but that also meant I’d booked stuff in.
I should’ve taken the hint though – a couple of weeks ago I cancelled off my first plan (a restaurant visit) because I just wasn’t feeling it, wasn’t looking forward to it, and where’s the fun in it when every single reaction to it is “blah”? So I sacked that off, and had made other plans, which then fell through a bit. No-one’s fault, just short-notice and other things already booked with the people in question. So I’d made a third plan, a day-trip to Manchester (travelling by train, so it was still semi-sensible, by my standards) which would’ve been fun – I haven’t been back to Manchester in a good eighteen months or so.
And then on Wednesday/Thursday I got an email making me aware that Manchester was going to be full of football stuff, plus a few other events, and I realised that actually I didn’t want that – and I particularly didn’t want that super-packed train home. Not in the mood for the people and the crowds, blah blah.
So I sacked it all off, admitted defeat (not quite the right word, but it’ll do for now) and stayed home. I still did a fair amount – sorted a bundle of domestic stuff, got rid of some things to the local tip, went to the cinema to watch a rubbish and easy-watching film on the Saturday, and then went out with local friends on the Sunday evening.
Basically, it was all enough to appease my brain’s nagging work ethic, but without doing much more than the bare minimum to appease it.
It was good – but also annoying, because I don’t actually feel any better for that quiet weekend. Maybe it’s a lost hope now, but I wanted to sleep, and to feel somewhat refreshed by the end of a peaceable and quiet weekend – but I don’t. I’m still tired, still feeling a bit blah about things, and just trying to figure shit out.
It was needed, but I kind-of wish it felt like I’d had more benefit out of it…
This morning I came across something that sounded really interesting – Yorkshire Sculpture Park are doing a “Room to Breathe : Four walks in four seasons” event, walking and talking around the park, similar to outdoor/walking therapy.
(Facebook event details here, which includes the dates and so on)
Then I looked on my phone at my diary. Oh cock.
So… despite the event being on four different dates through 2018 (right through to September) I’ve already got stuff booked in on each of them. All four, already taken. *sigh*
You know when I said that one of my targets for 2017/18 was to ‘do less’? Yeah, look how that’s already working out…
Despite the best of intentions, this week’s been quiet here on D4D™.
Mainly, it’s because I’ve been absolutely snowed under with work, including beating the living hell out of databases – and cursing the clowns that wrote Microsoft Access, which is what I’ve been taking data out of and putting into something decent. One of these days I’d like to meet the people who created it, and ask just what the fuck was going through their minds when they made certain decisions.
Along the way, there’s been a whole bundle of other stuff, insomnia and the like, and well, it’s just January.
I have a hard time with January, for some reason. It’s part of the reason I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions, because I know I’m never good with the start of the year. The thing is, I don’t really know why it’s such a tough one for me.
I’ve got my suspicions – and primarily it’s about preparation.
I know I get affected by autumn and winter, as the nights draw in and so on, and I can fight it for a long time. Then there’s the standard dislike of the Festering Season, which I’m ready for and can keep on fighting. But now we’re through all that, the days are getting longer, and we’re through the whole Christmas period.
This is where (I suspect) my problems kick in – the days are still short, even if they’re lengthening. It’s just not doing so quickly enough. This week in particularly has been pretty much solidly grey and overcast, with little to no sunlight coming through. And I’m just tired, with no real energy for continuing to fight the whole Seasonal thing.
It leaves me flat, tired and uninspired. It shouldn’t, in all sense, but regardless, it does.
So yeah, this week’s been more about downtime, about being tired and grey, and not really in the mood for doing much. I’ve got a fair amount of stuff in the coming week as well, which will help. But this week’s been a flat and down one. Such is life, and all that rot.