Vomitarium

Today’s travelling has taught me one thing, and one thing only. That lesson is this :

Train air-conditioning does not get rid of the smell of vomit.

The snot-grobbling little squealing hellspawn barfed at Banbury. Then didn’t get off the fucking train ’til Manchester. Two and a half hours of the most vile smells, accompanied by additional retches from people who got whiffs of the chunk-blowing exorcist-reject barfbin’s produce. God knows how his parents stood it – I assume they’re used to it as the incompetent frunts didn’t even take him to the toilets to hose him off.

It was actually a joy to get off the train in Manchester’s rain-clean atmosphere. Of course, the smelly bastard on the bus didn’t help – but even he smelled fresher than vom-boy.

Travelation

Well, sod it, I’m travelling back tomorrow morning. It’s been a good weekend, and I don’t really want my mood altering by Virgin tonight. So I’ll do it all tomorrow, and go into work in a shitty mood instead. Sounds like a plan to me.

If I’m feeling really brave, I may even include a photo of the bruise on my leg incurred while wedged under a table on Friday’s journey. It’s not a sight for the squeamish, let me tell you.

Penetrating

via Gert comes one of the funniest (in a kind of sad and pathetic way) pieces in a while. The Sun’s Dear Deirdre answering some questions about sex. If people keep on asking, for example, “How can I stop losing my erection?” truly should be answered with “Keep it tied to you with reins, and be more careful with where you leave it next time.” As well as being a lousy trainer, I’d make a shockingly bad agony aunt/uncle, although going for the Denis Leary “Shut the fuck up” method from “No Cure for Cancer” would probably be may main oeuvre.

Moving Swiftly

Back in June you may recall I mentioned about my workplace going through a restructuring where Stinky was convinced he’d be fine for his own job and no-one else would want it.

So I stuck in an application for the job. I don’t want it, but well, I’ve never dealt well with other people’s complacency.

I’ve got an interview for it. On Thursday. It’s taken them four bloody months to get round to it. The wheels of local government don’t so much move as drag…

Learning Curve pt. 2

Of course the other problem with the current training course is that it deals with Content Management, and the office’s new Content Management System (CMS). I’m not quite sure why I’ve been told to go on this, as I’ve been using CMS’s for at least the last four years, and I was actually contracted here to – um – install and set up the CMS. (That job’s been taken away from me by Stinky who apparently fears for his little fiefdom, and his *cough* ‘superior’ role within it) So it’s hardly the most stimulating day or subject matter in the first place…

Learning Curve

I now know (well, I knew already, but today is proving it) that I’d never be any good as a trainer. I simply don’t have the patience when it comes to dealing with desperately slow people.

Trainer : “OK, now click on the button that says “close data input””
Slow person (to me, sat next to her) : “Which button’s that?”
Me (already exasperated after ten similar questions) : “It’s the one at the top of the screen. With ‘close data input’ written on it.”

See, sarcasm. Sure it’s supposed to be the lowest form of wit, but sometimes it’s the only viable form that has any hope of conveying the necessary message. I can’t help it, it’s not even a conscious decision to be sarky – it’s just there, on the tip of my tongue, and the brain’s given up on self-censoring.

It’s not really all that beneficial for working relationships – however, with luck it also means she’ll never ask me for help outside this session…

Low Levels of Input

It’s going to be quiet chez D4D for a couple of days. I’m in a training course (AKA learning how to do stuff I’ve been doing for six months) today, then away again for the weekend. I still haven’t decided whether I’m coming back on Sunday night or Monday morning (and to be honest it’s going to be a bit of a 2-person decision anyway) so updates will happen on one of those two occasions.

In the meantime, well, I may update, but I may not. It’s all a bit random really, isn’t it?