New Years Eve

No resolutions, no promises, no real expectations. No review. That was done here, so I’m not going to repeat myself.

Just the normal NYE feeling of impending letdown. I can’t help it – I’m not a fan of NYE (for different reasons to Peter but at a similar level of blah for it) but I try to be optimistic about it, and not expect it all to fall flat on it’s arse.

I try. But I fail.

Have a good one, to all. Seeya in 2003.

Do people still fall for this kind of thing?

I’m not sure if this is the first virus warning of 2003 or the last one of 2002, but it seems like Yaha’s doing the rounds again. I must admit, I find it amazing that companies still allow anything with file extensions like .scr and .exe to get through the firewall. Then again, I’m amazed too that people still seem willing to click on any old attachment that comes through in their email.

Books

Damn, sometimes I love Waterstones (even if they do use the amazon website, which is a bit cheaty, but there we go).

The week before Christmas, I looked on Amazon to see if one of the authors I’d used to read all the time had churned out anything else, as no UK bookshoip seemed to have heard of him any more. Sure enough, he had – three books worth, in fact.

So, because at the time they were listed as “ordered within 1-2 weeks” from Amazon, I wandered into Waterstones. “Can you order these?”, sayeth I. “Yes, no problem. We can’t guarantee they’ll be here before Christmas (which was only three days away) but they’ll be here before New Year”.

And today I went in to pick up all three that I’d ordered. My post-New-Year recovery period is now fully fuelled with books…

Honours

Good to see Stephen Lawrence’s family receiving an honour from queenie in the New Years Honours list. And Brenda Blethyn, Ridley Scott, and loads of others too.

Must try harder

What a pity. Ali G gets missed by a bullet from a suicide – how ignominous would that be, getting shot by someone who only cared about killing themselves. They were probably watching the Ali G movie at the time – I lost the will to live after just seeing the trailers for it.

If you died…

Green Fairy raised this one to my attention, but I’m with her 100% on this – a feature on ‘if you died, who would “they” give your children to?’. It’s one of the most homophobic and vicious pieces of writing I’ve seen in a long time.

And in that situation I’d rather have my child adopted by a loving well-balanced couple who happened to be gay than by some “ideal” couple of god-bothering biased hypocritical ‘holier than thou’ bigots.

After all, isn’t it in the Bible that one should love one’s fellow man? *Grin*

Glowing Christmas Trees

Sometimes the world is just hilarious – radioactive christmas trees from Chernobyl being on sale is one of those times.

Still, I suppose if they glow that well, it saves money on the decorations and lights…

A day (or two) of updates

OK, it’s been quiet in the last couple of days here, mainly because I was away, and wrote some new main pages instead.

So, there’s another rant about trains (yes, they’re becoming quite common in some ways), a “final” piece on the christmas aftermath and the start of a new campaign although that still needs work. That’s my job for tomorrow, anyway.

Oh, and the rants index has been altered too…

Tis the season to be mournful

RIP Herb Ritts.

Bad Examples

Nice to see TV chefs being told off for poor hygiene. I’ve often wondered how they could get away with some of the cooking programmes that are on TV, considering how abysmal the hygiene shown is. As per the story, chefs dipping fingers into their culinary creations to test them, still wearing jewellery while cooking, not wiping down chopping boards between meats etc., you get to see it all. (Maybe I do need to get out more after all)

Unreal

To paraphrase from Victor Meldrew, I just don’t keffing believe it. It’s less than 48 hours after Christmas Day, and I’ve seen the first advert for Christmas 2003. OK, it was for a Christmas Hamper, but that really does take the piss.

Time for another load of Vodka Choccies, methinks.

Poxing Day

Ah, the joys of the festive aftermath. I’ve been working on the laptop doing some redesigns and playing with some ideas, mainly for the index pages in the individual sections. Isn’t that what Boxing Day is for? I’ll upload it all when I get home tomorrow.

Have a good one…

Vodka Shots

The chocolate company Elizabeth Shaw have come up with Russian Vodka Shots which are particularly evil, taste stronger than they are, and really make christmas go with a bit of a slosh. Not bad at all…

Bastard packaging

I don’t know what it is this year, but having spent Christmas Day at a friends who has a 6-year old, I’m completely amazed at the packaging that’s involved in pretty much all her pressies. The plastic is all this “won’t tear, even if you’ve got fingernails from hell – it’s time to break out the chef’s kife from the kitchen” stuff that no child will ever penetrate before the end of the year. Every single battery compartment has a fucking screw on it to open it up – when did that happen? It’s a complete pain in the arse – well, more accurately, in the finger when you realise you haven’t got the necessary screwdrivers, and use a knife blade instead, which (of course) slips…

Also, considering the abuse the phrase has received over the years, how come companies STILL don’t include batteries in battery-driven toys. The main advance seems to have been that plugs are now attached, thank fuck – but still batteries aren’t included in toys that need ’em. Cunts.

Merry feckin’ Christmas

YAY! It’s over! (Well OK, it’s here, rather than over, but for purposes of me, it’s over *Grin*) And I must remember to put Neurofen on the shopping list for next time this bastard season comes round. No hangover, but my head’s bouncing all the same. As an ancient sage once said “My head feels like there’s a rave going on inside it”.

Anyway, have a good time, or whatever, and I’ll write more tomorrow most likely.

Now, where did I put that vodka?

I sympathise

Nice ot see it’s not just me who hates the season for various reasons. Mike’s having one of those days too.

The d4d 2003 awards – launched

Yes, I’ve launched the page – it’s available if you click here to see the initial list of potential awards. Enjoy. I hope the project will become fun – there’s some major potential winners for next year already with the houses in Middlesbrough.

The festering season comes towards a close

Ah, the joys of postal services. Firstly, Ma’n’Pa sent me a pressie – Rick Stein’s Food Heroes (I saw it when I was there, and went for the unsubtle approach) so I spent some of the morning drooling over recipes in there. (Sad, but true) Then got a courier knocking on the door to take back one of the orders that the book club had utterly keffed the other day. So that’s another problem out the way.

Of course, then there was the small matter of helping a friend with Christmas shopping. In Asda. What a joy.

Actually, I was good – I hardly called anyone retarded, and there were only a couple of muttered “For Fuck’s Sake” type comments. Well, except for the chimp who tried to run me over in the car park. Not often I can start an argument before I even get into the store. Although he was a cunt – driving the wrong way up one of the carpark lanes, and not even indicating that’s what he was going to do.

Still, other than that minor incident, I was good. Honest.

New bits

Just a quick set of updates to be going on with.

There’s a page of my mooses along with pictures. Additionally, the photos from the night-tour of the decorated houses of the north-east – be afraid, it’s pretty scary. And I thought the North West was bad….

There’s also a new page in the thoughts section about how 2002 has been for me and d4d. And I’m sure there’ll be more added during the day…

Lord of the Rings – The Two Towers

And it did carry it off. For the huge majority of the film it just raced past (the occasional muttered “OH, for fuck’s sake”, but then I’ve never been much for love scenes, it brings out the 10 year old in me and makes me want to retch.) with little complaint. Yes, so I’m a geek, and Green Fairy will hate me for it, but there we go. I loved the book(s), so I was always going to go and see the film. I even try and accept that of course the film will be different to the books, and go with the flow. So all in all, I enjoyed the film. Sméagol/Gollum is stunning – beautifully rendered, and as somone else said “George Lucas should be shown it to see how CGI characters can interact with human ones“. Is it, as someone else said, possible to nominate a CGI character for an Oscar? I don’t know, but with the appearance of creations like Dobby from Harry Potter and Sméagol/Gollum, I can see that the Film Academy might have to consider a new award in the not-so-far future.

But I don’t feel I can simply rave about the film. (Here come those plot/ending comments,folks) The final twenty minutes left me coming out of the cinema wanting to kick dogs, spit in small childrens faces, and generally utterly pissed off. I don’t know the timing, but the final “Frodo, we must go on because even with all this evil and blackness in the world, there’s still some good out there worth fighting for” speech had every possible ring of the much clichéd “Post 9/11” sentimentality. I freely admit, I need to re-read the book in order to know for sure whether my sphincter has gained teeth and a tongue or not, but I don’t recall a speech like that in the book. It felt tacked on, as though a test audience had objected to the film not really ending (a sentiment echoed by many in the first film, my brother’s “I spent three hours of my life and it doesn’t even fucking end” being pretty indicative) and needed a happy clappy ending to this one. Frankly, I loathed the ending – it sucked the arse out of the entire film for me, and began to be more like an episode of the A-team, Mask or Knight Rider where there was always some kind of moral or message at the end.

If the looks between Frodo and Sam had been any more laced with innuendo and lust, I think the film would have got an 18 certificate, and only been available in (ahem) “certain” stores. I haven’t seen as much homoerotic innuendo since I watched a Jean Claude van Damme film last. (Admittedly, quite a while ago) I’m not convinced that Gimli (the dwarf played by a six-foot two man) should be as played for laughs as it was – in something like Lord of the Rings- actually I’m not really convinced by the need for comedy relief characters at all. Sméagol had the same problem in some places – I did expect him to suddenly transmogrify into Dobby, or even Yoda. Perhaps some of this feeling was induced by the audience reaction – I’d need to see it again before being able properly to comment on that – but laughing at Gollum’s antics was odd – within the book (and I tried, oh I tried to not compare the two) Gollum is a truly vile creature, one to be scared of rather than amused by.

So, all in all, a film I enjoyed – and will definitely go and see again (only this time in a cinema where my arse doesn’t go numb after 60 minutes) – but if I can, I’ll leave after the battle for Helm’s Deep, so that children and dogs are safe for another day.

Bobble-hatted trivia

Found via Slashdot, Forbes magaine is 85 years old, and they’ve done a list of 85 most life-altering inventions which makes for good reading, and brilliant for the trivia-obsessed among us. The actual timeline is here, if you want to go straight there rather than thrugh the initial piece as well.

Nice advertising

I wonder how much the bar paid for the last paragraph in this story. Next week it’ll be on all the flyers – “As featured in the media” and “If it’s good enough for Celtic, it’s good enough for you”. *Shudder*

Riding into town and shooting up the sheriff

Glorious. I know I’ve read about him already in one of the other blogs (Sorry to whoever had commented on him, but I just can’t recall it- remind me, and I’ll add the link) but Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you – The Rawhide Kid the first openly gay comic character.

I have some doubts of how well this will (pardon the expression) go down with the general public. (Oh god, it’s going to be a Carry On post, I can just tell) I think the quote about “the Kid as the enigmatic cowboy who can get into a fist fight with five desperadoes” is already heavy with double-meanings (providing, I assume, one is familiar with the concept of fisting), and various expressions like rusty sheriff’s badge can get used, I’m sure. In fact, it’s got a lot of potential as an idea. But it’ll probably be more mainstream than that, or try to be slightly more serious about it than I am.

Which, to be honest, would probably be a better idea.

Sick, Sick, Sick

I’ve got to confess that while it’s bizarre, and quite gruesome in it’s way, I did laugh while reading this story on the BBC’s site – a woman faking her child’s leukaemia. About the only thing that isn’t in the story is some numbnuts saying “How could she do this at christmas, of all times” or similar – then I’d have simply rolled.

Tacky house decorations – the follow-up

Well, what a fun evening. most people probably wouldn’t think so, but it’s been real fun doing a quick trawl round the north-east for some of the viler examples of external house decorations. There’s some real stunners here, I tell you. And now I have photos of them. I’ll be home tomorrow, and transfer the photos from digital camera to PC, then up to the photos page, for your enjoyment. Some of them just have to be seen to be believed…

Memory Loss

Today’s been an odd day in a lot of ways – there have been several things I’ve wanted to write about, have even made mental notes what to write about, but as soon as I sit at the desk, keyboard under finger-tips, my mind goes blank.

There’ve been several things I’d wanted to write, and it’s all just gone – disappeared to the great white-on-white blog in the sky. Maybe I’ll remember them tomorrow while sat on trains or something, and add them in then.

dual-subject rant

For the first time in my life, this morning I managed to catch part of the “Kilroy” chatshow on TV. My God, what an unmitigated cunt that man is – gurning, fake-tan-covered accent-changing weasel with all the personality of a roadkill skunk. (Can’t you tell how impressed I was with him?) But anyway.

The main part of this was a simple question really. Why is it that, when faced with someone who’s suffering from depression, most people think that depression can be cured simply by saying “Oh, cheer up. You look dead miserable. All you need to do is smile.”? It doesn’t fucking work. But still they think that’s all it’ll take. A simple “cheer up”, and the person with depression will suddenly turn round and say “Oh yeah, why didn’t I realise it was that simple. All of a sudden that great black cloud over my head, that inescapable deep black hole of solitude and loneliness has just *poof* gone, never to return, simply because some fucking idiot kind person told me to cheer up”? Maybe it’s like that in soap operas (don’t know, don’t watch ’em) but for real people? “Cheer up” is more likely to get you a kick in the head than a happy smile, quite honestly.

OK, I’m sure I’ll rant about that one properly at some point. But I just wanted that one out of my system for now.

Soundtracks

Last week, I finally got round to watching a film by the Coen Brothers that I hadn’t seen before – “O Brother, Where Art Thou“. Hard to describe it in lots of ways – trying to imagine Homer’s “Odyssey” set in 30s/40s America with music and George Clooney, the brain just settles into blancmange mode from the start. And of course any description of a Coen brothers film that doesn’t involve use of the words “insane” or even “completely fucking barking mad” isn’t an honest description anyway.

Still, as always, I loved the film, but I’ve found the music this time is also amazingly infectious – to the extent that I actually bought the soundtrack CD. And even then, it’s only this track that I keep humming. Yes, it got ripped to MP3 and went up to the site, just so anyone else can see how bad my taste is at the moment. *Grin*

Secret Santa and other post.

A nice big thanks to my Secret Santa whose package was delivered today. Contrary to my normal habits, I’m going to leave it ’til closer to Christmas to open it – but whatever it is, whoever it is, the package arrive today, and thanks in advance…

Also encouraging the festering season, my post this morning contained – my phone bill from BT. Lovely – only a few more posting days, so what shall we do to flood the postal system even more than it already needs? Phone Bills. What a sensational plan.

Oh, and a question – I’m also entering (well, OK, intending to enter) a photographic competition (i.e. photo for exhibition) where the entry must be submitted as a print. I’ve “only” got a digital camera – any clues on where I can get prints done from digital film? (For those who haven’t guessed, I’m new to that side of things, the transfer of digital imagery to paper)

Armed Marshals in the Sky

I don’t know exactly what it is about armed “good guys” in planes that makes me so nervous, but the idea is certainly one I’m not keen on.

I think maybe it’s the concept of anyone (good or bad) taking firearms on flights – if they’ve got to be there in the first place, I’d much rather they were equipped with non-lethal weaponry. Stun-guns, tasers, that kind of thing – but nothing that could cause explosive decompression if it’s fired and misses, or that drives straight through a “terrorist”‘s body and out through the skin of the aircraft.

Christmas Rants – The Next Generation

Yes, another one has been added to the christmas rants section. This one is possibly best read in conjunction with Vicky‘s own thoughts about the subject – the hysteria that is the last minute shopping for food.

Paperwork and Bureaucrats

What is it about the week before Christmas that brings bureaucrats out in a panic of activity?

Today I’ve received a shitty letter from Companies House effectively saying “the stuff you sent us 9 months ago hasn’t arrived, so we’re fining you £500 for our inefficiency”, a shittier one from some debt collection agency for someone who hasn’t lived her in at least four years, a tenancy agreement that’s a month overdue, and still hasn’t been filled in correctly, and a load of guff from BT Openworld, which I’m not even going to open as I’ve already got ADSL, not through BT because BT took a year to get their finger out at all. In fact, ever since I got another company to do the ADSL provision, Openwoe have been bombarding me with bumf and junkmail – although they still haven’t called me back about getting connected to ADSL.

Which seems pretty much the status quo for this time of year.

Click the link to visit the clink

The Guardian comments on jail prisoners with their own websites. My personal favourite is still convicts reunited but then, I’ve got a warped sense of humour at the best of times.

Send out the hugs

Gert‘s had a bad day too. Go over and give her a hug. It sounds like it’s much needed…

Festive – the Lyle way

Obviously someone else feels the same way about the fat jolly red-suited white-haired chimney-stuffing old bastard. Go here and play the game (turn the speakers off if you’re at work, although the music’s “festive” too) and find out why…

Ah, yet more Christmas rants

The next in the series of Christmas rants is now online, this one about christmas decorations.

Enjoy.

Ouch

Weird the way things work out sometimes. Following on from my comment in Kitchentable‘s piece about accidentally punching yourself in the head, I managed to do exactly that last night, and woke up with a nosebleed.

What had happened is that I’d obviously moved around while asleep, and my head ended up using my arm as a pillow – and the arm ended up going completely numb. At which point the brain, even while asleep, figures out there’s something wrong, and starts screaming “Aaaargh! Eeeek! I went to sleep with two arms, and now some fucker’s nicked one of ’em! How did that happen? Arrrgh! Fuckin’ ‘ell! Where’s it gone? I was only away for a few minutes! Bugger! He’s going to kill me when he wakes up! Fuck! I’ve lost an arm!” before it really starts to panic.

So then it gets to a level with some conscious thought attached, and comes up with a plan to try moving the arm, see if it’s still there. Of course, consciousness is still a long way off, so this idea seems feasible. Move the arm (which if it’s still there must be trapped under something, as it’s incredibly heavy and/or gone) by putting as much effort in as possible, and hopefully find out where the hell it’s gone.

Brain sends the messages to the muscles of the arm in the syntax of “imagine there’s something REALLY heavy there, as the arm’s trapped” – the muscles strain to move the arm, and SLAM the arm moves dead easily (it’s just numb after all) and brings the owner to full consciousness with a hefty whack in the face, followed by the adorable feeling of a dollop of blood trailing down from the nose. (AKA “Point of Impact”)

All in all, a wonderful way to wake up. Suddenly a lobotomy has potential.

It’s the end of the world as we know it…

Bloody Hell! On day 69, Mike runs out of shirts! And just in time for people to buy him some new ones for Christmas. *Grin*

I love google

A brief little review of the year from Google.

No Shit, Sherlock: part 4,345,987

Further to comments on the blog yesterday, the Guardian reveals that parents are now over-protective of their children even though the incidence of child abductions has actually decreased. It’s not just parents – the entire credo seems to be “protect children” at the moment, as the story about Edinburgh council explains, along with comments on Green Fairy’s site.

Gifts you’ll want to give away

I can say no more than look here and realise all my claims about Christmas being tacky have been well and truly vindicated.

Also, the Guardian explains more about a Happy Kitschmas (sic)

Stranger than Fiction

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Reading of the ship that’s already collided with the cargo one sunk over the weekend (carrying 3000 luxury cars, no less) was one of those times.

Shopping in the festering season

This was going to be my next rant in the festive session, but looks like Vicky has beaten me to it. Then again, I may still write it anyway.

The Shield

Right since The Shield started showing on Five it’s caused me almost a moral problem. It’s been exceptionally hard to empathise with the characters, particularly the main one, Vic Mackey, a spectacularly amoral police office for whom the end always justifies the means.

In the first episode, Mackey shot and killed a colleague who was preparing to accuse them of illegal arrests etc. – an event that very much set up the moral attitude for the entire series. Throughout it we’ve had illegal searches, violence, and more nasty corruption bits than I can remember seeing on TV in a long time.

Tonight was the end of season one, and it’s been stunning. All through the series I’ve finished watching an episode, and wondered if I’ll bother with next weeks – it’s not often a TV programme can make you feel like washing oyur hands afterwards, but The Shield has consistently managed that feat too. But each week I’ve gone back to it, and also wanted to see how the stories develop, what’ll happen to these characters.

And now season 2 won’t be on until sometime in 2003, and already I’m wondering how things will progress.

So when it comes back to Five, yes, I’ll be there and watching, even when it leaves me thinking “that’s vile, why do I watch it?”

Think of the children, indeed

Much as I understand some of the fear about paedophiles etc., there is such a thing as hysteria too. Banning all photos, cameras and camcorders from school nativity plays is pretty much the definition of hysteria. At the end of the day, it’s just as easy for someone of that ilk to go and get a catalogue from Argos Additions, or Littlewoods, Kays or any of the other home shopping companies.

But do they get banned, or castigated? Hell no – because they’re convenient.

Yesterday was a bad day

Obviously spending the day in the temple of the gods of retail and materialism (AKA the city centre) yesterday had a bad effect on me. Some of it is detailed in this mini-rant about the day. Must remember to update the umbrella campaign too.

RIP Mog

I can’t believe that Mog has finally died. I remember reading Mog books, and OK, the cat has been going for years now, but all the same – dead? That’s a bit scary – Mog was born the same year I was. You just don’t expect cultural icons to peg it.

The rest of the series is also still available.

Then again, I also can’t believe that the price for this last one is £9.99 – that’s another way of showing my age, remembering that they started off at about 50p.

Tis the season to be a vigilante

Ah, the festering season. A time of drunkenness, office parties, illicit snogs under the mistletoe or on top of the photocopier, and to grass up your pissed mates who are driving home afterwards. A £500 reward? Sounds like a perfect example of “stitch your enemy”, coupled with “How to make a profit from your office party”.

Skiving

As the inimitable Green Fairy also comments today, the story on the BBC about children not understanding the meaning of the word ‘truancy’ is really quite stunning. Of course, I personally object to someone griping about the dumbing down of “truancy” to “bunking off” (a few years ago it was “skiving”, but that now seems even more outmoded than “truancy”) then uses “kids” instead of “children”.

Sorry, but I despise the use of the word “kids” in the media to describe children. Kids are juvenile goats. (OK, maybe he does have a point…) The word has insidiously crept into common usage, and it’s simply bloody wrong.

As for children not understanding the word “truancy”, perhaps it’s a way to persuade people that education should be taking a little bit more seriously by the skiving little bastards. Of course, it won’t be, because most of the parents who were with the children doing shopping and so on were actually “off sick” from work to do the shopping in the first place.

I wonder if the “bunkers off” of today will be “pulling sickies” in five-ten years time? Hardly a piece of rocket science guesswork, is it?

Sad?

OK, do I look like a sad git for not knowing what Fame Academy was, let alone not caring who won it?

I can’t figure out if I’m somehow (as some people have surmised) a completely sad character for not knowing what the programme was, but I’d rather be out going to cinemas, meeting friends etc. on a Friday night instead of sitting in watching TV. And if that makes me “sad” then I think I’ll stick with that, and be content…

Thanks

There’s a word for bands who decide to release tickets to their new tour on the penultimate saturday before Christmas.

That word is “bastards”. There are several more I could use, but won’t.

The tour is in April. And I have tickets. So all’s well in the end…

Gasp!

You’ll have to forgive me for my state of total unshockedness at this “revelation”.

Reception

Fucking useless cunting bastards who don’t answer their own phones, don’t even have voicemail and after ten years in the same office with the same bollocking bastard switchboard still don’t know that they’ve got to dial 9 for an outside line.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Feel better now.

How not to do an ebay con

Through SlashDot I’ve just been reading this story about a guy who got defrauded on a sale through eBay. Interesting, seeing the way he caught up with the culprit, and lo, justice was done yet again…

No shit, sherlock

A truly amazing revelation – Christmas Parties can lead to colds and sniffles. Not exactly surprising, considering that the alcohol lowers resistance to colds etc., and as Christmas tends to happen in Winter (Bloody Jesus Christ, you’d have thought he’d have the decency to be born in July or something – but then, that would have been to close to Easter.) that’s when colds and flu are more prevalent.

Far more interesting was the story about Burger King finally being flogged off for three-quarters of a billion less than the original selling price. Of course, it still went for $1.5billion, which by anyone (except for Bill Gates)’s standards is bloody silly money.

Politics

I find it quite worrying that the more I see of Charles Kennedy (leader of the Liberal Democrats), the more I like him. He’s going to be the host on tonight’s “Have I Got News For You”, and has donated his fee to a local charity.

And yes, I’ll be watching it – he’s been excellent on it as a guest, and from the story, it should be a good one tonight…

Weather

I just stepped outside – not for the first time today, before anyone asks – and I can’t believe it’s bloody snowing. OK, it’s definitely been cold enough to do so this week, but all the same – snow in mid-december.

With luck, it’s going to be a seriously cold winter this year – we need one like that just to kill off most of the colds, flus, bugs and so on that have built up over the last few years of mild winters.

At the moment, the local bus service into Manchester sounds like it’s got a plague ward sat on it, sniffing back vanloads of snot per journey. It makes me retch, hearing that “death-rattle” phlegm-hawking manoeuvre – with a decent cold spell, hopefully it’ll freeze and attach itself to their tonsils…

Bugger. (pt. 3)

Ah. Knew I’d forgotten something. A while back, when the email address I’d added as a mailto suddenly started getting spammed to within an inch of it’s life, I took the link off, and meant to do a contact page instead – the link was there, it’s just I hadn’t put the page together.

And then I completely forgot to do the page. Hence the “bugger” of the title. (Hugh Grant moment)

What reminded me? Well, the fact that looking through yesterday’s logfiles, the “contact.html” page came up with a “404:page not found” error no less than 53 times. Looks like someone wanted to say something. Ooops.

Anyway, it’s fixed now, along with minor spam-proofing of the email address. No idea why I forgot, but it’s fixed now.

Problems with Technology

Hmmm – one thing I’ve just discovered is a problem is having a rechargeable optical mouse. If you forget to put it back in it’s cradle (and hence recharge) for a couple of days, it then takes one hell of a time to recharge.

This post was brought to you with the use of the ALT key…

Pitying

Is it fair for someone in a bookshop to look at me pityingly, just because I said I was looking for the O’Reilly book on “Developing Dynamic Websites with PHP and mySQL”?

OK, so I’m a geek anyway, but I need to sort out my PHP skills for a project I’m working on. I haven’t done much with it up til now, so it’s one of those things that I’ve needed to sort out for a while, and now it’s kind of important to do.

And it’s not like I conceal my geekdom….

*Gasp* A sensitive side? Surely not?

A quick question – if you’ve a friend whose fiancee is the type of nork who gets jealous of them meeting friends (i.e. meeting me – yes, I have friends, and other people can see them too) is it acceptable to decide he’s a wanker, and to perhaps say something along the lines of that to the friend?

Strange

OK, not being a fan of the festering season, even I found Mr Ninja’s Advent Calendar quite amusing. And just slightly odd…

Words and their friends

Quite amusing to see that the French, not content with trying to move the Meridian, are now trying to rename the @ symbol. In French it’s either known by the spanish ‘arobase‘ or the English/American ‘at‘. I must admit, I’ve always called it ‘at‘ following the mathematical/stocktaking notation of it, i.e 50@50p (50 items worth 50p each).

So I can’t see the French redefinition of “arrobe” taking off as it’s official name. But I’ve been wrong before. However, look at the bottom paragraph of the story, where they list some of the more colourful translations. I love the Hebrew one of it as a “strudel”.

lyle strudel destruction-for-dummies.co.uk – yeah, now THAT could catch on…

Mayfly Project

OK, so I thought about it, quite a bit, and came up with this:

Bloody Hell

There’s not much else I can say about this posting (thanks, GF) from “Alas, A blog”. Has to be read, really.

What’s the number for directory enquiries again?

And another quickie from the BBC – 118 : the new number for directory enquiries. What is it that makes me think BT are trying to stop anyone from wanting to find out anyone else’s phone number. Ah well, I’ll stick with BTs own website or 192.com.

My kind of festive person

I’ve just laughed out loud at the BBC story of the vicar who’s told children Santa is dead. I could get to like him…

New Nominees already

Following the post I made about the d4d awards for 2003, I’ve just had a call from O2‘s “new customer department”. Stunning.
  “Hello, sir, I’m from O2, just calling to check that your new phone is working, and to check if there’s anything you need to ask, any problems.
  “Well of course it’s working, otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to call me on it. And yes, I do have a problem – you’re charging me for the “free trial” of mobile internet”
  “Oh, well, you’ll have to call member services for that. We’re just a customer welcoming team”
  “So, what’s the point of asking if I’ve got any problems, if you can do absolutely keff all about them?”

The conversation just went downhill from there on…

Insomnia

Well, that was just what I needed. After feeling knackered all day, got home, finally went to bed at 1am, by which time my body was completely knackered.

So, of course, it was the night where my brain decided to run round like a steroid-fuelled hamster on a wheel.

But the body needed sleep, so that went into “I’m not moving for you, or anyone” mode, while the brain kept on spinning. What a fun night…

Additions

Well, the weekend was obviously good for my temper. There’s a piece on modern art, a full chunk on Marsyas, (the main piece I wanted to see) as well as a fairly impassioned rant (as promised) about Oxford.

And yes, I’ve still managed to NOT rant about Virgin Trains (well, except for that little strop-ette just below here) which has to be a first…

Home again, home again

Well, it’s been a busy weekend. But now I’m home. Oh, and I’d just like to point out to (you guessed it) Virgin Keffing Trains that the expression “Thank you for choosing to travel with Virgin Trains” is a total non-starter. If I had the fucking choice, I wouldn’t touch Virgin Trains with someone else’s shit-stained 50ft bargepole.

As it is, I have the choice (regarding train companies to get me to Oxford from Manchester) of Virgin Trains or Virgin Trains. If pogo-sticking down the M6 was an option, I’d choose that over Virgin Trains.

Unfortunately, my pogo-stick broke recently.

Blah – The Weekend So Far

Well, for once the train was on time. Quite amazing, all things considered. Of course, it was a train, direct to Oxford, that thetrainline.com hadn’t even told me existed, but who’s counting?

Other than that, walking through Oxford reminded me of how much I hated it – I’m in the process of writing more about that, but for now, trust me, it was shit.

But the train journey was productive – it meant I could get on with the Christmas rants. Like the Christmas lectures by the Royal Society, only with more swearing and less informative educational matter. Anyone would think I didn’t like the season or something…

More to be added in, but it may be tomorrow, or even Monday by the time it hits the site. In the meantime, have a fun weekend…

What the fuck?

Just looking through amazon, and I got to this page, which is where I took this screen grab:

Of course, I could be wrong…

Announcing : the d4d awards

While I’m away this weekend, I’d like some feedback. Over the duration of 2003, I’m thinking of doing some kind of awards scheme.

The one that’s absolutely certain is <drumroll>The grand d4d “village of the damned” award</drumroll> for which nominations will be taken once I’ve designed the page. (In honesty, I’ve got Christmas and the festering season in general to get out the way first, then the nominations can take place – more of that come January) What I’d like in the meantime though is some ideas for other awards.

There won’t be grand prizes, that’s for sure. However, I want to go through with some kind of presentation to (for example) the mayor of the official 2003 Village of the Damned come the end of the year.

So any feedback will be joyfully received. *Grin*

I’d never make a politician

Why? Because my first reaction on seeing the story that “same sex couples should get the same rights as heterosexual ones” my first response wasn’t some twee soundbite, or politically thought out comment written by spin-doctors – instead it was simply “about fucking time“. So no, I’ll never be a politician. Which is probably a good thing.

Male Bovine Creations constructed from Element 79
That’s “Golden Bulls” to you and me

Yes, the Plain English Campaign have released their Golden Bulls award for those who have buggered the English language the most this year.

Containing gems such as “I can confirm that you have not inform us a conservatory that has never been built and that you have not been charged any extra for one built.“, it’s well worth a read.

And yes, for those who haven’t figured it out, I prefer plain English (or Anglo-Saxon in some circumstances), which explains why “Die Another Day” was described as “shit”, not “excrement” or “absolute testicles”.

Le Weekend

Yes, it’s the onset of the festering season, so I’m going to be braving Virgin Keffing Trains again on my way to see the parents. What a lucky person I am.

However, I will be off to see the Tate Modern over the weekend too – looking forward to seeing Marsyas, which I commented on here when it was first revealed to the world. I’m being brave, and dragging my father to see it too, which should be “fun”.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll be able to update this lot while I’m away, but if not, I’ll be back on Sunday or Monday, along with pics etc. (and probably another rant about Virgin) and also some ideas for the stuff on the festering season.

But I’m sure I’ll bung some things on tomorrow before I naff off. And with luck there’ll be stuff in the interim, but no guarantees…

Embarassment

Cherie Blair is revealed as having purchased property with a known fraudster. (And for once I don’t mean her husband.)

Her quote of “any misunderstanding between the Number 10 press office and the media that is unfortunate and I regret that” just makes me wonder if the regret is a)being made to look like a fuckwit in public, or b)regret at being found out?

Still, isn’t it nice that a saving of £69,000 on a purchase of two flats worth £297,000 each (i.e. a nice cushy 10% sum) can be put down to “a misunderstanding”?

Magazine Covers

So, today, while picking up the latest copy of Empire magazine, I noticed they’ve done a special “Lord of the Rings:Two Towers” cover – well, four of them. Legless, Strider, Gandalf and someone else.

And I wondered whether they form some kind of demographic on which cover sells the most, and thus which is the most popular LOTR character.

And following on from that, I found myself wondering how they account for really picky bastards like me, who want to read the actual content, and don’t give a single blazing keff who’s on the cover, so they just pick whichever one’s at the front/top of the pile… (Legless Aragorn/Strider, if anyone cares.)

Law and Order

Ok, as with many other times, I admit I’m a geek. In the last few months I’ve discovered Channel Five has improved itself beyond recognition, particularly on a Saturday night.

One of the highlights has been Law and Order, an American import, which I’ve found consistently stunning. God knows why the majority of Americans like it, because it’s bloody intelligent – and doesn’t signpost everything and explain it all for those with a single-digit mental age. Which is part of why I like it.

Anyway, looking at that link, referring to the godlike IMDB (the Internet Movie DataBase), I’ve discovered that Carey Lowell was only in it ’til ’99, whereas on Five she’s still in it. Which means there’s at least three more seasons for us in the UK still to watch.

So yes, I’m a happy geek.

The moose obsession continues

As anyone knows who’s read the about me page, for some reason I like mooses. Not in any weird or perverse way, just *shrug* well, mooses. Or meese. Or moose. Or whatever the keff the plural is.

Anyway, that means that some people decide to send me moose stuff like this about drunken mooses/meese/meese/moose.

Sad, but true…

Hello, Hello, I’m in an ambulance/hearse

I wish I could say I was shocked to see that mobile phones contribute to 1 in 20 road deaths in the US – in fact, the only thing I was surprised by was that the percentage was that low.

Die Another Day

Well, the 20th Bond film. I’m not normally a fan of them, but for once the trailer looked like it might be OK.

Wrong. Yes, there’s some amusing bits, where the injokes or whatever come into play, and yes Pierce Brosnan is probably the best Bond other than Connery. It doesn’t change the basic problem with the film though – it’s shit. And for most of the time it’s not even classy shit, funny shit, or escapist shit. It’s just shit. (No, just say what you’re thinking – don’t hold back)

Whoopy-doo, the stunts are big and impressive. I’d rather see less stunts, and go for a film that doesn’t have basic errors in it. (i.e. you don’t cure hypothermia by chucking someone in a pool of steaming hot water – unless you want to kill them quickly of course) That’s only one of the plot holes – I wasn’t looking for them, they came up and battered me round the head.

And I’m sorry, but what the keff is that Madonna theme “tune”? I was getting used to it on the radio, but in the film it manages to jar with every other musical piece in there – quite an impressive achievement.

Anyway, the trailer did the job, and made me think “hmmm, Maybe.” – the reality did it’s job even better and made me decide “Never ever again”.

Haikewe

Bizarre story about sheep in northumberland being used for poetry. Actually, while it’s bizarre, it also made me laugh, which is never a bad thing…

Weird Links

On the day that d4d just missed the 15,000th page impression (seems like only a month ago I was blethering about 10,000 impressions – Oh look, it was only a month ago *grin*) I’m wondering if I should be concerned that I come up within the top 10 on both AOL and Google for a phrase bearing a more than slight resemblance to “dw*rf fu**ers”.

Ah well…

Israeli Football

I’m the first to admit, I follow football about the same way that a blue whale follows a housebrick, but this story even managed to intrigue me.

Not just for the fact that Israeli “home” football matches may be played at Watford home ground because of the security risk to games in Israel, but also that this is for the European cup.

Has the world changed shape in the last couple of years? Has “Europe” suddenly expanded into the Middle East? Look at this map of Europe – Israel’s nowhere on it. Yes, Israel borders the Mediterranean Sea – but for crying out loud, so do Egypt and Libya. Will they be involved in Euro2008 or 2012?

And also, considering all the stuff about the UK being ‘unready’ for terrorism, and that we supposedly need a counter-terror ‘border force’, does it really seem wise to bring Israeli games into the vicinity of London, particularly considering the heightened threat of terrorist activity they bring with them???

The Festering Season

Reading KitchenTable‘s comments about Christmas, I’m glad to see I’m not the only one.

I’ll confess, I’m planning some form of Christmas (not Xmas, never, ever, bastard Xmas) section, although I can’t say it will be precisely festive. Christmas is, in honesty, a season I despise. To me it’s a time of year where we pride ourselves in greed, envy, and downright commercialism. The Arndale Centre in Manchester is one of the few places I’ve ever seen that actually has some form of decoration that represents what Christmas is about – I don’t mind that, but the sheer commercialism of the entire festering festive process just pisses me off every year.

So no, I won’t be a happy festive bunny. But we’ll see how things go, I suppose. I’m already getting grief about “but you’ve got to have a tree, and decorations”. Frankly, no, I don’t. If I had kids I might consider it, but other than that, while I’m single and staying that way, bollocks, the house is as close to festive free as I can make it…

Blogger

Welcome back to Blogger. It’s been down most of the day, hence why I haven’t updated…

Normal service has now been resumed.

‘ello ‘ello ‘ello

Always a joy to see my local police force in the news. This time it’s proving that as well as everything else they get blamed for, they also make up how good they are at solving crimes.

One crime I don’t think they’ll be accused of making up (but that might get solved suspiciously quickly) is the one in the local paper (although unfortunately not in the online version – but the BBC has the story anyway) about the new Chief Constable of GMP getting his house broken into last night…

Your taxes at work

Always a joy to see the new and novel ways that the government can screw up. This time – a tank carrier that can’t carry tanks…

Degrees of seriousness

You’ve got to love us Brits sometimes. On the same day as it’s revealed emergency teams will have smallpox innoculations, we also list finalists for the Beard of the Year contest.

Mad. Utterly mad…

Bloody Hell

I have no doubt that Green Fairy will mention this too, but a girl pregnant at 12? I find I wonder about the parents in this kind of situation – the girl has 8 siblings, one of whom will only be months older than it’s niece/nephew (never did get that genealogy stuff straight in my head).

I’m probably wrong, but surely if the parents cared a toss for their daughter, they’d work for her to have an abortion or similar this time, encourage her on contraception (obviously abstinence isn’t going anywhere…) and give her a chance at life rather than being just the start of a new generation of breeders?

Amphetamine Logic

This one defeats my little brain, im afraid. The Sangatte refugee camp in France has been a pain in the arse for UK government for years with people trying to seek asylum in the UK by coming through the channel tunnel.

So now Sangatte is closing, and as part of the deal, the UK agrees to take in an extra 1,000 refugees. I’m sure there’s some kind of logic to “close the camp as we don’t want all these immigrants trying to come in, but we’ll take 1,000 to close the camp”. I just can’t quite see it myself.

Thern again, as is patently obvious, I’m not a politician.

Grey bits

Yes, we’re back to normal service and yellow after yesterday’s diversion. My mind was elsewhere.

And if you missed it, the redesign is elsewhere now too, but it’s still sat at this location if you missed all it’s glory.

There’s also a bit of a rant – something that I intend to expand upon as the next year goes on – and it’s visible here.

And now it’s time to think about re-design (Yes, I’m possibly going with the skins idea…), messing about with some stuff in general, and getting on with the rants for the festering season…

Innocent

It wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. I was in a different city at the time.

World AIDS Day

Yes, it’s world AIDS day. My thoughts go out to all the people who know someone with HIV, or full-on AIDS. There’s so much to say, so little space to say it in.

I wish there were people here I could say it to – one in particular – I wish I could share this day with them, but instead it’s a day of memoriam. Too much garbage, not enough emotion. I’ll be at the AIDS memorial tonight, thinking of you, as always.

Do what you will this day, but think of those less fortunate than yourself.

I’m not going to add anything else today. Live with it. My thoughts are elsewhere. Sorry.

UPDATEDish
I wish I could find more within me to say about the entire AIDS/HIV thing. Something has added in information about HIV, in the aim of furthering knowledge. Green Fairy has done much the same, but more regarding today’s attitudes towards HIV infection – a set of statistics that are truly scary. It’s not my place to say thanks to them, but I will, because I think the more people that know about it, the better.

For me, I’m afraid I’m going to be selfish. I don’t have HIV, but I know, and have known, several with it. I’l probably post more tomorrow about information and awareness of this condition, but for today, I’ve got too many thoughts and memories, the stereo has the CD of Diamanda Galas‘ recording of Plague Mass, a bastardisation of the Catholic Mass, in memoriam of those who’ve died of AIDS and AIDS-related conditions.

Events

Happy birthday H