Couldn’t happen to a finer person

Over in Bradford, a candidate for the British National Party is being investigated for irregularities in the nomination process. The nominations can’t be cancelled before the election, but they can be contested afterwards.

Is that all?

The UK’s firearms amnesty has now come to a close, with 22,000 guns and nearly half a million rounds of ammunition handed in. But will it really have any effect? Personally, I doubt it – I suspect there are at least ten times that many in circulation.

But of course it’s not politically corrrect to say such things, so all you’ll hear is that 22,000 guns off the street is a major amount. And in a way it is – but it’s still not enough.

Ampleforth

There was a fascinating documentary on ITV tonight about Ampleforth College – a private school in Yorkshire run by Benedictine Monks. While I’m sure there was an element of “how weird, to be taught by monks” to the concept of the documentary, what actually came through the entire thing was that the teaching methods and attitudes were a lot more benevolent, understanding and fair than most other educational establishments I’ve seen.

One of the heads of house explained about the pupil’s weekend trips to the local pubs, saying “We understand that they don’t want to be trapped in this place with nothing to do, and it’s better to know where they are”, which struck me as exceptionally understanding.

Even the headmaster’s letter about the programme demonstrates the displayed attitude of the school. All in all, a very impressive piece of TV – not something that gets said too often.

51^st State

In a story in the Register, it’s revealed that Hilary Rosen is helping to write the new copyright laws for Iraq. Rosen is the Chief Executive of America’s RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America), also known as “the people who shut down Napster and many others”.

So – it looks like Iraq is beginning to supplant the UK in the race to become the Fifty-First State of America. What a wonderful concept.

Fits of the giggles

I’ve been hearing some rumours today about a person who wants to stop the use of the word “brainstorming”, particularly in schools, because “it might be denigrating to epileptics”. I’ve no proof, couldn’t find anything online, but all the same, I almost want this exercise in political correctness to be true, it’s so pathetic, so funny, and so insulting in it’s own right.

Of course, if I do manage to find a link, I’ll add it in here. If anyone else knows about it, leave a link in the comments. I could do with proof, and another chuckle.

UPDATED : Thanks, Pat for providing the link to the story

Foodie rantings

The Restaurant magazine released it’s “Top 100” restaurants this week, and in the Guardian, Matthew Fort has some interesting thoughts about the entire process – mainly that there should have been more than just 11 British restaurants. It makes for interesting and thought-provoking reading, even if (like me) you’re never likely to eat at these paragons of gastronomic virtue.

Banking security

When you’re standing at the counter of a packed bank, and the cashier asks you what your security password is, do you…

1. Simply say the password.
2. Tell the cashier there’s no way you’ll say it out loud.
3. Tell the cashier to get stuffed.

Yours truly took (for once) option B – to a look of complete incredulity from the cashier. He then asked me to write down my password – on the back of the cheque I was getting cashed, which would give any potential fraudster all the information they need in one place – Account number, sort code, signature, password, and even handwriting samples. Fuck that for a game of muppets.

In the end, I wrote the password on a piece of paper, then watched him tear it up – and then got the torn up paper back too. Paranoid? Maybe. But I simply don’t see the point in making it easy for people to get access to that type of information – particularly when I’ve already gone to the extent of having seperate passwords for each account, rather than the typical (and still recommended) “mother’s maiden name” gambit.

Oh yes, and then complained to (as it turned out) the branch manager, explaining that I really didn’t think it was acceptable to ask for that kind of ID verbally. I’d be happier if a different form of verification were used, even a keypad on the counter on which to enter your PIN or password or a paper pad that enabled you to write down the password or whatever, then see it get destroyed afterwards. Hardly rocket science, and far better than saying it out loud.

The Criminal Mind – Part Two

Also over the weekend in Manchester, three paintings were stolen from the Whitworth Art Gallery, worth an estimated four million pounds between the three of them.

Less than 24 hours later, they were found “hidden” in a tube behind a public toilet, less than 200 metres from the gallery. Now, seriously, what the hell is happening when a) the police don’t even search a radius of 200metres froma crime scene, and b) what kind of chucklehead leaves £4m worth of painting outside in a cardboard tube? In Manchester, for fuck’s sake – rain capital of the UK.

Not exactly the Einstein of the criminal world, obviously.

UPDATED : According to another source, the entire thing was done to illustrate the lack of security at the gallery, rather than to steal the artworks for profit. However, they may still be damaged due to last night’s rain.

Meanwhile, back in Kansas

Ananova has pictures of the world’s most expensive shoes. Platinum thread, 642 rubies, based on Dorothy’s ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz.One million quid. The world is insane.

The Criminal Mind

Sometimes you just have to decide that people are simply too stupid to remain free.

About 5 o’clock this morning, there were the various sounds of a car being raced through the back streets, including screeching tyres, thrashed engines, and rapid journeys through the gearbox – sometimes even managing to connect with a gear for a while. In the end this car came belting down my road, screeched to a halt slap bang in the middle of the crossroads (more by luck than judgement, I suspect, in light of the later happenings) followed by doors opening, and running feet. Yup, “joy”-riders, or as they’re known now , TWOCers .

Two of the car’s occupants ran away – no idea if they were caught or not. But two decided – even with the police car bearing down on them at a rate of knots – to stand outside their mates house and use the patented Mancunian Fuckwit technique to get their mate to wake up, open the door to his house and let them in, so they can look like the sweet innocent little bastards darlings they so obviously really are. I should point out at this time that the “Mancunian Fuckwit” technique relies not on anything sane like doorbells, or knocking on the door to be let in, but instead consists of standing on the path outside the house, and whistling to get the occupant’s attention. To my knowledge, this method has never gained results within ten minutes, and at 5am you can normally be betting on at least double that.

Needless to say, the two gormless little twats were promptly arrested, bounced off the bonnet of the police car while being handcuffed, and taken away.

United Against Racism – Manchester Apollo
RDB, Chumbawumba, Uncut, Alabama 3

Organised by UNISON and the TUC to mark the “no them and us” campaign, this event was always going to be a bit impressive. It was preceded by a march through Manchester (which I admit I didn’t attend) and the tickets themselves cost the princely sum of £6. For four bands.

The first band on stage were RDB (Rhythm, Dhol and Bass), a collective I’d never heard of before. It’s always been a surprise in many ways that bhangra has never caught on with the mainstream music world, particularly those who go clubbing and so on – the beats and rhythms always seemed perfect for clubbing. But I suppose that in it’s own way the music world is as racist as any other – but I hope it will change in the end. RDB were bloody good, and worked the crowd well. It set the mood for the night.

Surprisingly, next up were ChumbaWumba – I’d thought they would be headliners, or one off, not second in line. Still, no complaints for me. I’ve liked Chumbawumba for years now, and had seen them a couple of times before, but not in at least ten years. It seems to be the month for revisiting old bands, having seen Sisters of Mercy, and seeing Erasure in a couple of weeks time, as well as the B-52s (until they cancelled) and now Chumbawumba. As well as performing their best known track, “Tubthumping”, they included several older ones including “Mouthful of Shit” and “Bigmouth Strikes Again” – continuing to get the crowd involved and enjoying the gig. It was a joy to see them again – and scary to know that none of them have really changed all that much at all.

The third band were Uncut. They’re still veyr new to the music scene, and from the music they showcased tonight, deserve to go on and be huge. The crowd loved them, the material went down really well, and they had the confidence to carry it all off smoothly too. In honesty I don’t know how many concerts they’ve done before, but this one will hopefully just be the start of great things to come.

And finally, after an exceptionally long pause, the headliners – Alabama 3. Regular readers will already know I adore Alabama 3 and have done now since the first single, back iin 1996. (And realising that they’ve been going for seven years already is enough to make me feel very, very old!) In the last six months they’ve gone from tiny 300 person venues up to 750-1000 person venues, and now to the Apollo, a 2,500 – 3000 seater. And the transition hasn’t affected them at all – it’s just better lit, with more room to move around (well, when the mic lead isn’t tangled around the stand and allows them to, anyway) and that’s really the sole difference for them. When they finally hit the stage, they hit it running, introduced by one of Stephen Lawrence‘s relatives – apt, in the week that was the tenth anniversary of his death. Starting off with “Let The Caged Bird Sing”, they proceeded to blow the roof off the venue in the way that their fans recognise.

All in all, an absolutely stunning evening – I’d have paid treble the ticket price, both for the cause, and to see the bands, so it was well worth it. I’ve been lucky – three absolutely sensational concerts in a row – I hope the run continues for a while.

Zen and the art of timing

It now looks like I was lucky to see Sinead O’Connor at the Massive Attack concert a couple of weeks ago. According to reports, she’s retiring from the music world (again) so the guest appearances at the Manchester Massive Attack gigs may have been her last live performances.

Celebrate that special day

Fark.com held a competition for people to submit ideas for google to do to their logo on special days. It takes a while to load, but it’s worth it- some made me laugh out loud.

Hen night

I tell you, you do get some funny looks being the only man out with eleven women on a hen night. Thankfully it wasn’t the entire “L-plates, false cocks and dodgy veils” type of event (not that that would’ve stopped me, of course), but instead turned out to be really good fun.

I’m not sure if I qualified as “honorary girlie” or “token bloke”, but either way, it’s been a damn good night. Food at Dmitri’s (Greek cuisine), followed by a night of partying at Copacabana. And yes, I wish I could get the horrendous Barry Manilow track out of my head, but there we go. Turns out Copacabana has been there for about 20 years now, and I can’t believe I’ve never been before. Salsa, drink, excellent musicm and an atmosphere that doesn’t consist of every man being out on the pull. Instead, it’s just full of people who want to dance, and love the music. Long may it last.

The new title

Following several queries (OK, three, if I’m honest) about the new title for this page. There’s no ulterior motives or hidden meanings – it’s simply a lyric from the Sisters of Mercy’s “I Was Wrong“. I’d forgotten the song, and then hearing it live (and surprisingly acapella) on Wednesday made me want to use it. Simple, really.

Tiny PC case

At the moment there seems to be a trend towards smaller PC cases, enabling them to be in living rooms and so on, acting like TiVos, or just so they’re not as intrusive as some PCs are at the moment. But this system seems to be taking it to extremes. All the same – a silent, unobtrusive PC certainly has it’s uses.

Not that I’m a techie or anything.

Thoughts from a City Centre on a Friday lunchtime

• All people who buy umbrellas should be forced to undergo “Umbrella Awareness Training”
• I will be patenting that phrase
• Or maybe they should undergo IQ tests too.
• Is IQ a diminishing function? It seems like the more people in a crowd, the thicker they become.
• Or maybe it’s just that any amount of space has a finite IQ handling capability
• What is it with the “fashion” for cropped trousers at the moment? The street looks like an Armenian market.
• Wearing cropped trousers accompanied by either knee high boots or silver stilettos is a crime.
• Why is it that shoplifters always look so bloody dodgy, signalling their intent from about 5 miles off?
• And why are they so funny when they get stopped?
• Why can’t anyone walk in a straight line any more?

Thank Christ I never took on that contract

Ah, how we all love Ask Jeeves, it’s shit adverts, and even shitter search engine. Someone came to d4d from ask yesterday, using the phrase “I need pictures of people who are sad for a report“. None of which should result in d4d at all – no matter how ungrammatical the search request. But in Ask’s world, I’m #1.

Bizarrely, about four years ago I got asked to work on the language processing for Ask, when it was just starting up. Having seen the way it’s developed since, I’m really bloody glad I didn’t do it. Who’d want to admit on the CV to working for ’em?

Winnie the Crook

According to the Guardian, Winnie Mandela has been found guilty of fraud to the tune of about £75,000. Hardly chicken-feed, is it? Then again, this was a set of frauds based upon a completely false bank – at which point it really is chickenfeed compared to what she could have done.

All the same, it’s still somewhat sad to see another national hero toppled off her plinth.

Terminator 3 Trailer

If you’ve got Apple’s Quick-Time plug-in, you can now go and see the new trailer for Terminator 3 trailer – it looks bloody good.

Matrix on the big, big, BIG screen

The two Matrix sequels will apparently be released in an IMAX format as well as normal cinema screens. IMAX is a huge film-format, on a screen 27m (80 feet) high and 19m (65 feet) wide. Fucking enormous, to put it bluntly.

So I’ll definitely be seeing each film at least twice. *Grin*

One day in May

It’s all too coincidental for words. On one day, the 18th of May to be precise, there are now no less than four concerts I want to see in Manchester. Of course, it also means there’s a shedload of decent (and sub-decent) venues here, but in one evening there’s Erasure playing at the Apollo, Peter Gabriel (which is the one I’m going to see) at the MEN Arena, Ladysmith Black Mambazo at the Bridgewater Hall, and the Dandy Warhols at Manchester Academy.

Maybe I should just decide to like one type of music, rather than being as varied in my tastes – that might make it all a bit easier.

Geeky and trivial – it’s SO me

Bearing in mind that cricket is, for me, rather less interesting than – say – the Gross National Economy of Outer Mongolia in 1847, it’s somewhat surprising that I actually found this to be of any relevance whatsoever. But there we go. Wisden’s cricket almanac, having been in production for 140 years, has done it’s first photographic cover. It also turns out that it was the last contribution Sir Paul Getty made before pegging it earlier this month.

Arse

Just had a call from the ticket office to say that the B-52s have cancelled their date in Manchester, and no plans to re-arrange it. What a bummer.

Time to digit extractum

According to The Register today, it looks like Nominet are to start charging £35 for transferring domain names from May 19th. Best get my finger out and move d4d over to 34sp.com pretty quick, hadn’t I?

<sarcasm>Another great loss to music

In another shocking piece of world news today, S Club 7 have announced they will split at the end of May. I eagerly await the messages, the pleas, the heartbroken fans, all appealing for them to do it at the end of April instead.

RIP Nina Simone

RIP Nina Simone who died on Sunday. A great loss to the musical world.

Who wants to be a *cough* fraudster

Tonight I’ve been watching the broadcast of the episode of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” where three people conspired to cheat and win the million pounds. In honesty, I’m amazed at how blatant the cheating was – quite stunningly unsubtle.

Also, it’s such a british way of cheating, this complete belief that no-one would ever accuse an ex-army Major, an officer and a gentleman, of cheating. It’s entirely surreal, and exceptionally funny.

But at the same time, what an incredibly contemptuous way of cheating, again, the assumption that no-one would even notice these coughs and ‘whispered’ “no”‘s. It’s a scheme that really carries all the subtlety of a swift kick in the knackers with steel-toecapped boots. The audience noticed, the stage-crew noticed – I suspect you’d have to have an IQ of about 30 to NOT notice. Yet all through the court case too, they didn’t even seem to believe they’d been cheating. They just seemed to have complete contempt for everyone else in the studio. An amazing scheme – both for it’s simplicity and sheer audacity.

May Day Project

Via Gert, news of the mayday project. On Saturday May 10th, people around the world will be taking photos throughout the day, nominally one per hour.

Having looked at the calendar, it’s actually one of my few free weekends between now and July, so I may just pootle off somewhere with the camera – you never know.

Well-balanced?

I got referred today to the Guardian’s quiz about what brain type you have. It’s based on two ratings, empathising quotient (EQ) and systemising quotient (SQ) – and then the two get plotted on a graph to reveal the type of brain you have.

It’s all a bit experimental and theoretical, and the best way for me to know it’s pretty much a load of old garbage is that I come out with a score of 34 on each test, which makes me appear to be a well balanced person. Which we all know is complete shite. *Grin*

Let’s do the timewarp again

Watching The American President on TV, it’s almost like a timewarp into the West Wing. The West Wing’s President Bartlett (Martin Sheen) is the American President’s White House Chief of Staff. The West Wing’s Defence Chief (Anna Deavere Smith) is the Press Secretary for the American President.

Of course, all this is helped by the fact they’re both written by Aaron Sorkin.

Risks of the Season

By a major error of planning, I ended up catching the first couple of minutes of BBC’s “Songs of Praise” – something I try and avoid wherever possible. Today it was being broadcast from the Butlin’s Somerwestworld in Minehead, Somerset, where there’s recently been a huge dose of “mystery” virus (since identified as “probably Norwalk”). Turns out they host Spring Harvest, the biggest Christian event in Europe.

So – 60,000 Christians in a place that has only just had a virus infecting hundreds of people?

God moves in mysterious ways. *Grin*

Domestic stuff

Flipping through various odds and sods today, I found a surreal concept – baths made of wood. Utterly lovely, sodding expensive, and already making me think “I wonder if I can have something like that when I’ve bought a house?”.

And then I also found Sottini’s roll-top baths and just drooled. I need a house with about four bathrooms in order to fulfil my bath dreams now. Oh, and about £30,000.

Watson completes marathon

No, no dodgy jokes about him being accompanied by Holmes or anything. The ex-boxer Michael Watson has completed the London Marathon course. Doesn’t sound like much? This is the man who was told he’d never walk again, never talk again, who was comatose for six weeks after his final fight with Chris Eubank in 1991, and who still has full use of only one leg.

He’s been doing approximately four miles of the course every day, and has raised somewhere between £150,000 and £250,000 for the Brain and Spine Foundation during the last week. An incredible achievement all round.

Names for dogs

Sat down by the canal this afternoon, enjoying the sun reflecting off the water, I heard a man in the field yelling something. At first I thought he was being randomly abusive (some things are pretty common in Manchester *Grin* ) and was just yelling “Wanker!” at the top of his voice. As time went on, it became obvious that he was yelling at the dog that ran past me (not heading towards it’s owner, I hasten to add…) and it was called Franco. Which made a bit more sense.

As he walked towards me, and the volume reduced a bit, it turned out the dog was called Frankie. Which, compared to the other two versions, really was a bit of an anticlimax.

Surreal terrorist targets

A model village had problems getting insured because “it was at risk of terrorist attack”. I’m intrigued to know what type of attack was envisioned that would make it worthwhile to attack a model village. Maybe they could fly a remote-controlled plane into a scale replica of the World Trade Centre? (sorry, Center) Maybe send a model pyramid into orbit? Recreate Hatfield in the middle of the replica train set? A real example of the “shock and awe” method of terrorist attacks.

(And yes, I do realise that it’s more likely to be the recipient of some form of biological weapon, although the same can be said of anywhere that a large group of people is likely to congregate)

Isn’t hacking supposed to be a challenge?

There’s a story in The Register today about passwords. In a very simple survey, 75% of people wrote down their password when asked simply “what is your password?”. In all, 90% of people gave up their password with a bare minimum of social engineering.

It’s amazing to me, that people still don’t realise that things like passwords really shouldn’t be disclosed. It does make me wonder whether they’d do the same with thir cash-machine PIN numbers. In the meantime, I’m off out with a clipboard and a questionnaire. *Grin*

Lunacy

I suspect that Bar-Stool Racing could only be thought up by someone truly stoned out of their mind on some very interesting substances…

So near and yet so far

In the Guardian today, President Blair says he’d have resigned if the Iraq war vote had failed. I hope the “rebels” who suddenly caved in again are now busy kicking themselves.

Page updates

As per Vicky‘s comment about Moveable Type and D4D, yes, it’s still in the process of being worked on. Moving hosting companies is the first part of the struggle – probably to 34sp (thanks Pat and Jez for the recommendation) which has been slightly problematic while still being keffed about fiscally.

Still, all those problems should come to a close next week, so the process may well start up then.

In the meantime, I’ve taken out the code to Stats4All, which also seems to have speeded up the entire download. Once I get rid of the other shonky bastards as well, it should all run quickly and smoothly again. Which would be a shock to the system. I did receive an email a while back from Stats4All saying they were shutting down their free service anyway, and what the hell, I do my own log analysis – having the counters on each page was a pain in the arse, and blatantly innaccurate, but it was nice to be able to get a quick glance at how many people had looked at the page today, rather than just a one off. Just see how it all goes really.

A shocking case

Five police forces around the UK have today started trialling the use of stun guns as an alternative to pepper sprays, truncheons and even firearms. The specs for the stungun they’re using make interesting reading, particularly the fact that each time the TASER (which, for purposes of tragic pedantry, stands for Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle) is fired, it records the time and date it was used, and also ejects AFID tags that can be used to further identify who fired the stun-gun etc. If that helps this kind of device from being mis-used, then I’m all for it.

In the meantime, the forces trialling these things are London’s Metropolitan Police, Thames Valley Police, Northamptonshire Police, Lincolnshire Police and North Wales Police. If you’re in their areas, it’s time to be good, otherwise it could be revoltingly painful. It’ll be interesting to see how the trials go, and how the media reacts when the first person has one used on them.

Not for those of a delicate disposition

Over at Swish Cottage, there’s a shot of a man with a back so hairy it could double as a carpet. I’ve copied it here so as not to nick any of his bandwidth, but for the full glory, click on the image and it’ll link to the full size image. For me it’s not just the hair (which looks like some kind of bizarre experiement in recombinant DNA) it’s the lime-green trunks that add that certain je ne sais quos (French for “Jesus, that looks fucking horrible!”) to the entire image.

Summer sunbathing isn’t a right, it’s a priviledge. *Grin*

Catching up with TiVo

Since February, I’ve had a TiVo (Geeky video recorder) and last night I caught up on some of the stuff it had recorded for me. (I should point out that this is one of TiVo’s selling points – based on ratings you give programmes, it then records similar thiings that you might not have noticed. Very clever, but it’s been a slog to get it taught that I really don’t want to watch chat shows, soaps, and bloody Tweenies and Fimbles) Two of the recordings it had made were complete opposites – LA7 and Opposite Sex.

LA7 was definite proof that TiVo isn’t all the way there yet on learning my likings – something to do with S Club 7 – truly dire. Opposite Sex (I can only find this dodgy interview site to do with the series, which is a bummer – more research needed) , however, could turn out to be a little gem. Channel 4 is showing it at some ungodly hour on Sunday mornings (just before 4am, according to TiVo) which is a pity – if it were shown in mainstream times, I think it could take off as a popular series.

The basic show is set in an American High School – very ho hum standard teenish drama. The twist, which so far (having only seen the pilot episode) could be the lifesaver is that the three main male characters are the first male students in a girls-only school that has only just gone co-educational. Obviously there’s all the hassles of bias and sexism, as well as some of the funniest fish-out-of-water scenes I’ve seen in a while. In the pilot episode, the three male characters even performed “I Will Survive” (cliché a go-go) in the style of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Yes, it’s got some of the clichés, and it’s something that will take time to mature – but for now it’s got a lot of potential.

Snd more txts

Interesting piece in The Register today about the rate that SMS (“texting”) has exploded over the years. Worldwide, there are now one billion text messages sent every day. Globally there’s a huge difference in the number of messages sent per person in each country – in Singapore and Hong Kong, it’s about 200 per month, and in the US it comes down to about 7 per month, for reasons that are explained in the article.

The part that I found particularly interesting though, was this : “In the UK nine out of ten children own a mobile phone, and spend £100,000 a day solely on text messaging. Some research suggests that for teenagers, receiving messages boosts their confidence, as they use the number of messages they receive as a measure of their popularity“. At first it depressed me that people gauged their popularity by how many texts they received, but on further reflection I realised that it’s nothing new. It’s just the method of receiving the messages that has changed – but people still gauge their popularity by how many Christmas/Birthday/Valentine’s cards they receive, by how many people are prepared to go out for a drink on a friday night with them, by how many people they have in their address book, and all manner of other methods.

So it’s nothing new – more just a synbol of how ubiquitous the text message has now become. Now if only we could get the little sods to spell their messages correctly, instead of bloody text abrevyashuns abbreviations (it’s no good, I can’t do the text thing to save my life *Grin*). Or, as Vicki would put it, “Tw@s”.

Combine Harvester – a vile “restaurant” with bar attached

Wandering through The Guardian‘s site today to get to the crossword, I came across the “Are you a die-hard townie” quiz – which is very funny, and also meant I came out as pure-bred country boy. (Sad, but almost true)

Train Misery over Easter – now there’s a shock

Yes, in a truly world-shattering piece of news, Guards on UK trains will be on strike tomorrow – no surprises there then.

Actually, I personally don’t see why it’ll cause as much hassle as people say – the position of “Guard” doesn’t seem to exist on trains any more. They’re all “Train Managers”, “Ticket Inspectors” (sorry, “Revenue Protection Officers”), and a role of other job titles that have absolutely feck-all resemblance to the word “Guard”. I did have to laugh at the fact Virgin Trains will be affected – I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been on Virgin Trains and never even seen anyone thinking about checking tickets and so on.

Still, it’s a good excuse for running a shonky service on the days when more people are likely to be travelling so they can get home to families etc for Easter.

Random Bureaucracy

I got a snotty letter today from the personal banking section of my bank. When I called them about it, it turned out that because I now have a Business Account with them too, I should never have received the letter – the Business section should’ve added some kind of new code to my account to say it was linked with the Business one (or something – my brain gave up and committed suicide rather than keeping on listening in detail) so I should disregard the letter they sent.

Isn’t organisation a wonderful thing? Last Friday I got told at 4.45pm that there’d been a problem, and they’d “hoped” it would be sorted by the end of the day, except it wasn’t. My comment at the time about “when did hope become part of professionalism” went down like a sack of shit at a wedding, although I did (and still do) think it was a valid point. OK, I could’ve worded it slightly more tactfully, but there we go.

Anyway, as per usual within the banking world, it turns out that two departments don’t communicate with each other. Big Shock. However, I do find it more than slightly infuriating to know that these two departments are seperated by nothing more than a flight of stairs. They’re in the same building – personal accounts on 1st floor, business on 2nd floor. Despair utterly set in when the person in Personal Accounts said she’d phone the person in Business Accounts.

King to Castle 2

Jonathan King is trying to get his sentence reassessed – personally, I hope that the Criminal Cases Review Commission takes a good look at the case and doubles the length of time he should be in prison for. Even if they just take “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” into account, it’s less than he deserves.

Iraqis Anonymous

I had to laugh upon seeing the headline on this story in the Guardian, that there is now a “13 Step Plan” to rebuild Iraq. Is this just so it’s like one step better than the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step-plan?

It makes me think of the Spinal Tap quote about the amps going to 11 so they could be one louder than everyone else.

Bunny Suits

I know this’ll mean fuck all to anyone outside the UK, but whyis it that every time I see the Easter advert for KFC (the one with the group of guys in Pink bunny suits) I start thinking that the next time I go out clubbing etc., it’d be fun to go out in a bunny suit for the night?

Not that I’m an attention-seeker at all, honest…

An improvement

Finally, the business bank account is now sorted, as both the bank and Companies House have finally got their combined bureaucracies in order and sorted. Needless to say, my blood pressure is now about 20 points lower than it was before everything was confirmed. The tickets for the Peter Gabriel gig arrived (Now I’ve just got to figure out what to do with the Erasure one for the same night) and having looked at the website, it looks like it’ll be bloody amazing.

So all in all it’s not been a bad day. Which makes a change, recently.

Massive Attack – Manchester Apollo

I’ve been wanting to see Massive Attack in concert for several years now, and when I saw that they’d be doing a concert in Manchester, I was one of the first in the queue for tickets, even before the new album came out. I had no idea what to expect, no idea how their music would translate to the live scene. But all the same, I wanted to see it happen. And last night was the night. Right from the start, it was always going to be different – all that could be seen was some purple lighting, and a red digital clock showing the time. It was dark enough that you couldn’t even see the band come on stage – but when the bassline for “Future Proof” kicked in, the lights came up, the “clock” turned out to be a huge screen, and the gig was utterly stunning for the next two and a quarter hours. The screen displayed various things all the way through the show, it was a geek extravaganza, bits of webpages, world statistics, NASDAQ tickers, news, weather reports, all sorts of things happening behind the band. The entire concert probably is better described as “an experience” – more than the music, more than seeing the band, it was amazing. Oddly enough, the actual members of Massive Attack were hardly visible – always backlit, very very enigmatic. A whole range of different singers for the various tracks – including Horace Andy, and Sinead O’Connor performing the tracks she sings on the 100th Window album. This really just added to my own enjoyment of the gig, because she’s another one I’ve wanted to see for a long time, so to see two long-term “want to sees” in one venue was a true prize. In many ways, it was a strange concert – considering the fact that I really didn’t like the Avril Lavigne concert because it was so technically perfect and passionless, which is exactly the same as the concert last night, but for Massive Attack it was somehow right, it fitted. The entire concert was about atmosphere, allowing the band’s music to speak for itself – and that’s what it did. Loud and clear.

Sitting on the hard-shoulder of the Information Superhighway

Not quite sure what happened yesterday, but the site appeared to disappear off the face of the Interwebnet for a while. No words from my hosting company on why it happened, but normal service has now been resumed. (Well, what I laughingly call normal, anyway)

Soap Box

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never wanted to do what everyone else does. I never wanted the entire marriage, kids, house, car thing that most of my peers seem to rate so highly. I never even wanted the stable job/career – for me, the dictionary definition of career, “to ricochet wildly from place to place” was infinitely preferable.

So for the last decade or more, I’ve lived my own life, never wanted any of the things that the people around me rated as important, and just got on with my own thing. Yeah, most of the time I’ve kind of stayed under the radar of things like authority, banks, credit scoring, electoral rolls and all of that jazz, but it suited my purposes. Because of how I worked, I moved around more in a year than most people do in a decade, so I just really never ended up registered for voting, credit, bills, or anything.

In the last three or four years, things have changed a bit. I’ve settled down, even to the extent of having lived in the same house now for nearly two years, and yes, I do want to buy my own house now. I’ve been building up my presence (for want of a better word), appearing on the electoral roll, slowly trying to fit in with what other people want and dream of. But of course I still don’t have the mental software to fit in properly – if I do these things, I still want it to be on my own terms, have no desire to do everything the way everyone else does.

But it’s hard – every inch of the way is a fight, because of the years I’ve spent not fitting in, it’s a hassle to get anything done. Credit scoring loathes me still, because of the fact that according to their records I didn’t even exist ’til about three years ago. Coming into this world of bureaucrats and computerised records that are “policed” by complete cretins who seem to have nothing better to do with their lives is a frustrating experience.

And I’m tired of it – tired of feeling I have to fight for every inch of every achievement, that anything I need or want to sort out has to be fought for, pushed for, trying to get people to do things they way they should be done, not necessarily the way they’ve always done them. The last two weeks of petty bureaucracy have pushed me too far too quickly, it’s left me in a state where all I really want to do is walk away, admit defeat, go back to the under-the-radar life I used to have. Long-term I won’t do that, because it’s just giving in, letting other people win, letting “the system” win, and I’m utterly crap at doing that. But just once I’d like to find a procedure that works smoothly without any hassle, where I didn’t have to feel I’d fought for it all. I doubt it will ever happen, but hey, I can dream.

I Quit

After two weeks of pure bureaucratic hassle with what seems like fuck all to show for it except higher stress levels, that’s it. They win. I’ve had enough of fighting everything every single inch of the way, of trying to chase up through layers of incompetence, of burning myself out trying to get things done. Fuck it all.

Grooming

Calling it grooming is a complete misnomer really, but it’s to do with haircuts. Close, but no cigar. Anyway, I finally got my hair cut today – it’s been about six or eight weeks since the last one (I confess, I don’t keep track all that well *Grin*) and it was getting ridiculously long (well, by my standards anyway).

Every time I get my hair cut, I find I’d forgotten how good it feels to have short hair. Strange how some memories last so long, and others don’t even appear to last a month.

RIP Concorde

Well, after flying since 1969, it looks like Concorde will stop flying in November. Various things have aided in the downfall including technical faults, crashes, and (inevitably, or so it seems) September 11th – but mainly it’s been down to people losing confidence in paying £7,000 for a return flight.

For me it’ll be a pity to no longer see Concorde flying after it’s taken off from Heathrow – of course, I haven’t seen that in a while anyway, as I don’t live in the area any more – but it’s still a firm memory from years gone past.

Unbelievable

Further to yesterday’s post, that selfsame Government agency (and no, Peter, it’s not the Inland Revenue – but I’m sure I’ll have to fight them at some point too) apparently is now taking five days to even open it’s post. Is it any surprise that documents get “lost” (or should that be “filed for later retrieval”?) all the time, if they’re so backlogged that it takes a working week for the useless fuckers to even get round to opening their mail?

Paranoid ?

A question. If you deal with a nameless government organisation who in the last three years have managed to lose seven relevant documents (at least one of which has the potential to cost me upwards of £1000 in fines) of fairly major importance, is it then paranoia or reasonable to wonder if the organisation has some sort of problem with me?

Surely seven lost documents is pushing way past the boundaries of coincidence, and forging it’s way headlong into conspiracy theories? Or is this sort of thing precisely the reason that the word coincidence is in the dictionary in the first place?

Weapons of Mass Invisibility

What a shock. El Presidente Blair is still certain that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. (Of course he is, the UK and US sold the bastard things to Iraq in the first place) None have actually been found yet, but that is because they’ve been so well hidden, not because Iraq got rid of them when they said they would.

However, it does make me wonder if it’s not another case like the SAS in Gibraltar, where the phrase “if they’re not carrying weapons when we shoot them, make sure they are when they’re found” seemed to be applicable.

That personal touch

After three attempts at promised callbacks from the bank, isn’t it amazing the effect that going in to the branch and seeing the people has? I’ve now got a new business account sorted, got the account numbers etc., and things are finally looking up on the financial side of life.

I wish it didn’t have to require a visit in order for them to get their finger out, life would be so much easier if people simply did what they promised they would – but then life would be simple, and I’d have less to piss and moan about. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

Bureaucracy

Utterly crap day – going back to my normal habitat of fighting with banks becuasebecause they’re all inefficient cunts who seem to think they can be as slack as fark because their customers need them, and would never ever consider changing accounts because of shite service.

They should know that I’ll do exactly that, although sometimes it’s a pain in the bum, because they’re really all as bad as each other.

As promised

Yes, I finally got round to it. The page for the photos of chester is now done and sat happily in the photos section.

Who wanted to be a millionaire

Well, the people who wanted to cheat Who Wants To Be A Millionaire out of the top prize have been found guilty. They’ve also been fined between £10,000 and £15,000 each, along with court costs etc.

I’m not sure of how the fining thing works, because the case had already established that all the accused parties had debts already totally at least £20,000 each – so what do they do to pay off the rest? Have another go at a high-prize quiz-show?

Glastonbury Equipment

As a friend has just pointed out to me these are the perfect camping accessory for Glastonbury, and the multiple other music festivals this summer.

Getting out less

At long last, the first half of the second series of the West Wing came out on DVD today – I’ve already watched the first disc.

Yes, I need to get out more – but I’ve been doing that for the last month, so it was nice to have some down time…

Chester

Most of yesterday was consumed by a trip to Chester. First time I’d been there – and definitely not the last. Pictures will follow, when I’ve put the page together.

A bominable name

My favourite band of all time?

Why of course, it’s Bigfoot and the Groincrushers. Let’s get them into Google.

And another petard gets raised

On the same (sort of) subject as the post below, Microsoft has possibly been giving out dodgy copies of it’s own software. At a student conference, M$ gave out copies of Visual Studio .NET, clearly marked “Illegal without license” and no licenses. However, as this story shows, M$ don’t really know what’s happening yet. The tale is still ongoing, but should be fun to see how the M$ weasels get out of this one.

Hoisted by one’s own petard

What a joy. The Home Secretary’s attempts to rescind the citizenship of Sheikh Abu Hamza, the Islamic cleric with hooks instead of hands (which sounds like I’m being derogatory (and I am, in a way) but it’s the easiest way to recognise the name) has started to descend into a total farce.

The process has been started under the new (i.e. it came in last week) Nationality, Immigration and Asylum Act, which among other things allows a person with dual citizenship to be stripped of their UK citizenship if they are deemed to be “a hazard to national interests”. (Which sounds like a very American phrase, but that’s a slight tangent)

It’s now being alleged that Hamza hasn’t got citizenship anywhere else, as they’d previously thought, so stripping him of UK citizenship means he becomes stateless. Which conveniently happens to be a breach of the Human Rights Act, which was so roundly supported by the government that’s now fallen foul of it.

It seems to me that Hamza has put in far more research and preparation on this idea than the UK government has. And also means that the first case under the new Act is a total (to be blunt and non-political) balls-up. Hardly a surprise, but still very funny.

Fun on buses

This morning I got to play one of my favourite mind-games with people on the bus. For sheer comedy effect, it’s best to be done on a half empty bus, but any old time is suitable really.

All you have to do is get on the bus, and rather than sit down (regardless of the empty seats) stand near the front of the bus. It’s utterly funny to observe how many people will see one person standing, and then become utterly impervious to the empty seats, and also stand. It’s as though they suddenly become blinkered, and if one person is standing then there can’t be any available spaces.

The best punchline though – the one I managed to do today – is to get four people standing at the front, then wander off and sit down. If anyone else has been paying attention (and there’s normally at least one) then they tend to laugh, or at least smile, too.

We wanna get on, we wanna get on

Over the last three weeks, I’ve been working just outside Huddersfield, and getting the train from Manchester to Huddersfield. Every time the train has pulled up at the station, people have been trying to get on the train before anyone who’s trying to get off has managed to. So instead the people wanting to get on the train stand right in front of the doors. What’s the point? If you’re that eager to get on the fecking train, stand to the side of the doors, let the people who need to get out of the train do so, and then the way will be clear to get on.

But no – instead the people getting off the train are treated to cretinous muppets standing in the way, blocking the way out, and then receiving evil glares from these self-same fuckheads as thought they’re saying “I want to get on this train – why are you slowing me down by wanting to get off first?” I despair.

Websites and Banks

Spent last night filling in forms for a new company bank account (bureaucracy in one of it’s favourite environments) and shopping, so I’ve still had no time to build up some of the stuff on the new domain name. The ideas are there – I just haven’t had the time to get it all sorted. Maybe over the weekend, or next week. We’ll see.

Congested

The Government is trying to tell us that tolls and congestion charges are the only way to prevent traffic congestion – absolute bollocks. There are two things I can think of that would massively reduce the number of people in cars etc. (well, three – but I think people might object to a decent dose of bio-war) – the first would be to impose compulsory driving re-tests every five years, and the second would be to invest in a decent public transport system, rather than the shonky excuse that shouldn’t even really be called a system.

Sleepless

Why is it that I feel far more awake and conscious after one night of minimal sleep and another of no sleep at all than I do on the rare occasions when I’m sleeping properly?

I’m sure there’s something marketable in that concept – but hey ho.

The words “rip” and “off” spring to mind.

Australia’s Department of Communications, IT and the Arts has a new website. It cost AUS$4M (about £1.5m or US$2.4m) – takes forever to download, and could’ve been done on a home PC for about £500. Don’t you love to see how taxes get spent around the world? *Grin*

(Thanks to The Register for the link/story)

Email from Stagecoach

After Monday’s hassles with buses etc., where the fucker sailed right on past me (and about ten others), I complained in email to Stagecoach. And got a reply today…
01st April 2003

Stuart Roughley
Operations Manager

So – we’ll just have to see what happens next. *Grin*

Virgin trains

Nice to see it’s not just me who hates Virgin Trains. Anna has written an open letter to Richard Branson – and it’s spot-on.

Props

Has anyone got some matchsticks I can use to keep my eyes open today? It’d be much appreciated.

Anyway, the visit to the bank went quite smoothly, which has to be a first for this week. Looks like with luck I’ll have the necessary bank account opened by Tuesday (the joys of needing stuff to be sorted out that isn’t solely in Manchester) which will then make life a bit easier once stuff gets paid in there instead.

In the meantime, it’s just a bit of a nightmare, but there we go – sometimes we have to have nightmares in order to appreciate how smoothly things run normally.

Not for the faint-hearted

One of the real joys yesterday was that one of the two toilets in the office got blocked yesterday – and we had to email the landlords to get them to get someone out to fix it. Which of course involved having to take a photo. Not a fun task at the best of times, worse when it’s blocked and stinking. Think yourselves lucky I can’t take a compressed sample of the smell too. Guess who got the job?

Nasty image

I really hope I’m not the only one who came up with a vile image upon reading the headline “Missing British war reporter turns up in Jordan” – but common sense assumes they mean the country, not the “model”.

Not suitable for sensitive ears/eyes

Work today has consisted of building a set of dynamic newsletters – doesn’t sound like much ’til you try putting it in (as the fuckwit client wants) an Access “database”. God I loathe Access, it’s a total &*”!)ing *(&-*-@&$£ **((&^&ing hunk of shite.

Still, it’s all working now. And tomorrow I have to go and sort out a business account, so that the fucking cunting bastard bureaucrats in the agency’s accounts department can be happy to pay me. Twats.

Still, it’s been a better day than yesterday.

Interviewing technique

The Bastard Operator From Hell has a quiz in The Register about the best Interviewing Techniques. Amusing, in a geeky techy kind of manner – which would explain why I enjoyed reading it…

Circle line Party II

On a much lighter note, the Circle Line Party 2 was held recently in London. 600 people riding on a tube train round the circle line for two complete journeys, including disco balls, lights, DJs and dancers. And it looks like it was great fun.

April the First

Yes, yes, I’m sure that whatever the papers are doing for April Fool’s Day is very very funny indeed. I’m impressed. No really, I am.

However, I do find myself hoping that this story about Coalition forces being seen as villains in the Middle East “but that’ll change”, says David Blunkett is a huge pisstake. What did they expect? For all the Iraqis to simply turn round and go “Oh yes, thanks for invading our country, killing our (civilian) citizens as well as the soldiers, and for wanting to kill our leader. Would you like a nice cup of tea? Thanks so much for bombing the shit out of that city – it was a real eyesore, don’t you know.“???

Bush and Blair, you can admit it now, this war is just one very large unfunny (and fairly lethal) joke. The problem is, the only people looking like fools are yourselves.