Underworld

Most reviewers have been saying that Underworld is a waste of celluloid – but all the same, I still wanted to see it. The trailers had looked good and the premise of the storyline – vampire vs werewolf (well, called Lycan in the film, but that sounds more like a brand of cling-film) – was something that appealed to me. So yes, I went to see it

And yes, it really is complete bollocks. Absolute utter 100% bollocks. And yet I thoroughly enjoyed it all the same. The storyline is – well, clichéd would be complimentary – and I found myself predicting at least quarter of the lines. The acting is, for the most part, the dictionary definition of risible. Visually, it’s an absolute stunner, which helps a lot – and the soundtrack is pretty damn good too, although the costumes owe one hell of a lot to the Matrix. Some of the effects (particularly one in the finale) are abysmal, while most are good. It’s a film that could’ve been SO much more than it’s turned out to be, and yet I still like it, and will almost certainly end up with it on DVD when it comes out too – although it’ll be loud enough to upset the neighbours when I do.

So – completely undecided about the film – but I’ll look forward still to seeing Van Helsing and LXG.

Helpful

One thing I find I get more and more ratty about now is the way “customer service” and being “helpful” now seems to get in the way of actually facilitating customer’s requirements. Mainly, this is down to getting through the tills. Now OK, I understand that most people are completely thick bastards, and simply don’t read the stuff on the shelves about “buy one, get one free” and so on, but so far as I’m concerned, that’s their problem – no-one else’s.

So – is it actually helpful to say to a customer “Oh, there’s a buy one get one free offer on this, I’ll just get someone to get you the other one” when there’s a queue of ten people waiting to be served. It just means you end up with ten very fucked off people who’ve also had to wait for the fucktard sales assistant to come over to the till, then try and find wherever the item on offer is, and then slop back to the tills with the extra product. In fact, it seems a pretty good way to lose ten customers in the name of keeping one. I will definitely think twice about using that shop again.

Matrix Reloaded – On IMAX

Yeah, I know, Matrix Reloaded as a film is pretty shonky. It’s not the best, and it’s a bit wiffly in places. There’s holes the size of canyons in the plot, and a couple of the effects definitely fell off the back of a lorry. However, for all that I still didn’t mind it at the cinema when it was first released- hell, even for all it’s shortcomings, I enjoyed it. So when I knew it was being released on IMAX format, well, there was no doubt – I was going to be there.

And the verdict? Well first of all, as always with Imax films, the brains just screams “Fucking hell, that thing’s HUGE!” – it brings everything up in more clarity, and that’s a double edged sword with Matrix Reloaded. I loved it, but sometimes the Imax format shows too much detail – the effects are easier to spot, in a way that’s sometimes almost distracting. But it also increases the canvas that the film is made from, brings it back to the total absorption that’s required by the Matrix – and for that, Imax just can’t be faulted. Some of the scenes actually feel to be in 3d because the field of view is so huge, and so clear – you feel you’re floating through the Matrix.

Overall, Reloaded is still a flawed film – Imax shows some of them more, and hides others. It’s interesting – I know I’ll be seeing it again, as other friends want to see it in the same format. A hardship I know, but I’ll live with it – however, I may just end up timing it so I can go to the bog during Morpheus’ speech in Zion – five minutes that really deserved cutting.

Problem with the Equation

The BBC has a piece about the amount of packaging that’s around our shopping, and what can be done to improve our recycling abilities.

The amounts of packaging are actually quite surprising – I knew we were packaging mad, but I hadn’t realised how far the insanity went.

Um – coincidence?

Maybe I should start worrying. The same day I post about Toyota using d4d™ as a description, and should I send them a letter, I get a visit to d4d™ from these people:

Exceptional search

Sometimes, you catch sight of a search request and just have to think “what the hell?”. Today’s example of this is the wonderful

I have no further words to describe that one.

Ha-haa, Scupper yer Landlubbers

Yes, it’s Friday, which means that as well as the standard Friday Farce Five today is also International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which seems appropriate, considering the nefarious brand-stealing piracy detailed below. Avast, ye scurvy dogs, what a rum excuse to be a daft bugger. *Grin*