Donna Tartt, St Anne’s

What can I say? It was great. The church itself is lovely – I’d never been inside before, but I now want to go back, and take some photographs of the interior. The lighting wasn’t good enough today, due to the timing. It’s a stunning place, and the stained glass windows are absolutely beautiful.

Donna Tartt was obviously feeling under the weather – she did say she had a cold, and she was quite obviously nervous to be doing a reading to the gathered 300-400 people. I can understand that – in a similar situation I know I’d have been in a far worse state. Because of her nerves, the reading (the prologue to “The Little Friend”) started off in a very stilted fashion, but as she relaxed it became far better. Once it was done, she took some questions from the audience, but again that was cut shorter than usual because of the sheer number of people.

All in all, it was an interesting hour or so – and I managed to pick up a hardcover edition of Secret History, which is now also signed. Makes it worth the £3 ticket price, particularly as the price is refunded against the book purchase price.

Poodle?

So, according to Tony Bliar (intentional), the UK isn’t America’s poodle. Apparently the UK went to war in alliance with the US “to make our country safer”. Yeah right.

To be fair, I’d agree that we’re not the poodle to the US. I was thinking more that we were the Andrex puppy. (NOT a site for the faint-hearted or diabetic, I should point out)

Readings/Signings

Yes, tonight I’m seeing Donna Tartt doing a reading/signing for the paperback release of “The Little Friend“. It should be interesting – rather than the more normal location, of within the Waterstone’s store, this one is to be done in St. Ann’s Church, which I’ve never been inside before. All in all, it should be interesting. It’ll also give me an opportunity to see if the camera on the new phone is any good, which is a bit geeky, but there we go.

Fucking useless bastards

One day – one fucking day – BT will be organised, efficient, and able to communicate. Unfortunately, that day wasn’t yesterday, and won’t be today either. The cunts.

No, the broadband wasn’t installed – well, they don’t think it was. They’re not sure. One system is saying that I somehow managed to order ADSL and cancel it on the same day, one is saying it was installed yesterday, and one’s saying it was uninstalled. As per usual with BT, no-one fucking knows. I compounded the problem, by wanting to be awkward and keep the same phone number I’d had before. Big mistake. Huge, epic, ten-commandments-level fuck-up. Never again. Because the number had ADSL on it through a seperate supplier, and I’d wanted to move everything over to BT. So I organised with Zen to remove the ADSL – which they did on the 25th, no worries. However, that appears to have crossed lines with the system for installing ADSL, so it’s now saying that the BT order for ADSL was uninstalled, and is thus complete. I despair.

I’ve got to call them again today, find out what the fuck they’re playing at. I could cry.

Broadband

With luck, by the time I’ve got home BT will have finally pulled their finger out and connected my number to ADSL (although this time on BT Openworld) again. I haven’t heard any confirmation of this yet, but still, fingers crossed.

Scary Twunt

As exclusively revealed in his comment here Scaryduck is going to be cashing in on his own infamy launching a mini branding exercise with mugs based on the design I re-did for him. And I have to say that I’m deeply chuffed that he liked the design, and I’m on the “definite purchaser” list already.

Ah, vanity vanity. Help him cash in Order the merchandise (when it’s been costed) on on Scary’s site.

Return

Note to self : Never trust people who use a bus service. When they say “Oh, don’t worry, the last one leaves at seven o’clock on a Sunday”, this (naturally) means that the last one runs at six, and you’re then stuck in the arse of beyond ’til morning. Hence a disappearing Lyle. And even with a 3G phone, it’s still hard to blog when you don’t know the web-address for a mobile-compatible blogging service. *Sigh*

I’ll figure out all this extra tech soon, I’m sure.

100,000

I hadn’t looked at the log-file analysis for a while – since moving in fact – so when I looked at the comprehensive report I was pretty surprised to find that d4d™ is now coming close to it’s 100,000th page impression. By my reckoning, it’ll happen within the next week or so.

3G

More and more I’m sure that I really shouldn’t be let out on my own. After a farcical search that will probably end up being detailed in a mini-rant sometime over the weekend, I finally sorted myself out with a new mobile phone. I can semi-justify it (if I wanted to) because the battery life on the old one was steadily getting worse and worse, to the extent of needing to be charged every day.

I’d managed to avoid most of the hype about 2.5G phones, the camera ones and so on – I wasn’t that bothered, and for me the cons far outweighed the pros. Oddly enough, while I’m pretty geeky, I don’t feel a burning desire to own every piece of new technology as soon as it comes out. However, when I do buy stuff, it’s normally current new/cutting-edge stuff. And so of course with the new phone, it had to be 3G on the Three network. The network has had it’s problems on start-up, including some deeply shonky phones <mutter>NEC 606</mutter> but now the next selection of phones has come out, and they’re a lot better.

I’ve ended up with a techie special, the Motorola A920. If (like me) you’ve only dealt with Motorola’s ultra-nasty flip-phones and clamshell designs, then this one has some major surprises up it’s sleeve. The touchscreen interface is – gasp! – actually usable, instinctive, and comfortable to use. I’m still learning the speed stuff, like handwriting recognition, but it’s pretty good. On the geeky side, it’s got fun stuff like built-in GPS, so you can pull up a map of where you are, and it’ll include nearest restaurants, pubs etc. The built-in camera seems good, and will be acid-tested in the next couple of weeks, I’m sure.

All told, first impressions of it are pretty good. We’ll just have to see what time brings.

As predicted

Yes, it’s true, I didn’t go to see Skin. Such is life. Instead I’ve managed to get tickets to see Donna Tartt doing a reading next week from her novel “The Secret Little Friend” (thanks dvd for pointing out that I’m a twat and mixed up the two titles), and Neal Stephenson in a couple of week’s time for a reading from his new novel, “Quicksilver”. That’ll do me.

Current Thoughts

I’ve just added a new piece to the thoughts section – and in fact a new sub-section too – about the start of SAD. It’s something I suspect I’ll be writing more about over the next few months, I can already feel the curls of it’s tendrils (and yes, I do think that part of that is the reason for the post below) so we’ll just have to see where it goes…

Gig Apathy

I’m supposed to be going to see Skin (ex of Skunk Anansie) tonight, and at the moment I’m really not sure that I can be bothered. I’ve slept badly for the last three nights, and feel shit. Hardly the best mood to go to a gig. I’m trying to keep an open mind, see how I feel later, but at the moment I keep coming back to “I really don’t feel like it”. Getting the ticket was a spur-of-the-moment thing, before I’d heard the album. I know if I don’t go it’ll turn out to have been a sensational concert. But will I care?

Responsibility

At the Guardian, there’s a feature about a study that blames TV adverts for a rise in junk-food consumption. Of course, it’s worth bearing in mind that the report was funded by the Food Standards Agency, so it’s hardly a shocking revelation at the best of times. Their own report on it is here, if you’re interested.

The report says that children are influenced by advertising for junk food, and proposes putting health warnings on junk food. <sarcasm>Well, it’s worked SO well on cigarettes, so why not?</sarcasm> Some of this report seems all too willing to lay blame anywhere it can, although I do agree that the manufacturers should take some (but not all) responsibility for producing complete junk food.

I’ve ranted about this before, but surely more “blame” should be allocated to the people who choose to be bone-fucking-idle and not cook, who think a Big Mac qualifies as a well balanced meal, who buy everything pre-prepared, and who think that food only comes in a plastic carton that can be nuked for ten minutes “because they’re too busy to do anything properly”. As with so many things, personal responsibility comes into this – people choose to buy quick easy things, they’re not forced to do so at gunpoint. (Although maybe that’ll be the next advertising “concept”) Perhaps more food and nutrition information should be available in school, in doctor’s surgeries, in supermarkets – and that should be the Food Standards Agency’s next step, to start thinking about how things can be improved not by slapping a health warning on a pack of chips, but by educating people about what’s good and bad for them.

Stop the World, I wanna get off

via Sapientum, a collection of optical illusions. Be warned, if you’re feeling slightly unwell, don’t look at them – some of them are quite disorientating, and appear to move. My eyes are now thinking “what the fuck was that all about?”, and to be honest, I don’t know what to tell them. I dread to imagine how the artist must have felt while drawing them – to be that close to the image must be weird in the extreme.

Memetic Dining

Further to the post below, I spot a bandwagon to jump on. About a year ago, I did the dinner party list of people, rather than bloggers, and now it’s time for the bloggers one. As I haven’t yet knowingly met any bloggers, that part of the equation isn’t a problem, but I will extend it by saying that I wouldn’t re-invite people that I’d already “met” at other dinners. Variety being the spice of life, and all that.

So, the people that would be invited to mine would be :

• Peter from Naked Blog
• The inevitable ScaryDuck
• bsag from But She’s A Girl
• The (happily now back to blogging) Pogo of Dearie Me

and

• Jane from iCandy

Make of that little lot what you will. And yes, I nearly ended up with eight instead of five – apologies to the nameless ones who got dropped at the last moment. I blame the size of the dining table: that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Social Life Explodo

Over at ‘My Boyfriend is a Twat” (note to self – must remember to add that one to the blogroll), Zoe is talking about which bloggers she’d have to a dinner party, and it seems to have struck a chord with other bloggers. Meme-tastic, as Mike would probably say.

Anyway, it looks like yours truly is getting to be popular (or maybe it’s just to see what table manners an ill- trained monkey possesses), as I’m on Gert’s list of guests, and also on Karen’s list of suspects (although Pete doesn’t appear to have had much say in it, and I’m on instructions to be nice to Americans) so I must be doing something right. Hopefully someone will soon tell me what.

At the same time, there’s been initial discussions on Lori’s site about the potential for a Mancunian blog-meet before the Festering Season™ takes hold – which’ll be interesting. So far, Fab Café is looking like a favoured venue, but time will tell…

Marketing in Action

I’d forgotten I’d taken this photo – it was while I was out in the city over the weekend, and these two girls were running around the Urbis gardens yelling “Got your number!”

A while ago, Meg commented about shirts with 118 on them – I’ve no idea where these two got them from, but they were certainly getting their money’s worth out of them.

Lest ye Be Judged

For sheer light relief, the tale of the pissed Judge attempting to mediate a fight in a Scarborough kebab shop – of all places – is utterly brilliant.

[The judge said] “What proof have you got that you are police officers?” Mr Newbury said: “This rather went to confirm their assessment of him, as both officers were in full police uniform and had a fully marked police car outside the door.”

“Deputy district judge David Messenger called two officers “arseholes”, tried to wheedle favours from a desk sergeant, broke a police station alarm bell and refused to stop banging on his cell door on the grounds that he was “a drummer and enjoyed drumming”.”

I haven’t laughed so much in ages.

Oops

Reading through the current Corporate Communications Plan for the place I’m currently working in, an error has been spotted by myself. It concerns all corporate communications to the outside world, and I quote

All communications should be plain and clear, written using 12pt Anal font.

Obviously they’ve been typed from bad handwiritng – but all the same, I dread to imagine what the O character would look like in that particular font…

Google special

Well, according to Mike’s comprehensive searching of google (and Mike, you really DO need to get out more. *grin*) yours truly comes up seventh in Google. I’m preceded by people like Mr Julia Roberts Lyle Lovett, and – um – Cook with Lyle the Lion, as well as the wonderfully named Lyle H Ungar. Considering Tate and Lyle are at #1, I think they’re a bit out of my league, but it’ll be interesting to see if my ranking goes any higher than 7th.

Gawd, and I said Mike needs to get out more? Ha.

Stable Door – Locked

From today’s news, I find it amazing to hear that Microsoft will be closing all it’s MSN chatrooms in Europe from October 15th. (There’s also an editorial in the Guardian about the same subject) Of course, it’s The Paedophile Threat that’s being named as the excuse, and while I can see some of the reasons behind it, there’s a lot more that just seems to be a knee-jerk “make sure we can’t get sued” reaction.

I’m sure it has happened – people being ‘groomed’ by paedophiles and similar – through MSN chat but mainly it seems that it’s still part of the current demonisation of the internet by the media. According to the Guardian’s story on the same subject,

There have been at least 26 court cases in Britain involving child abuse which have been directly linked to chatrooms.

Now yes, that’s “a lot” of cases – but bear in mind these rooms are used by tens of thousands of people worldwide every day. Suddenly, the figures, the percentages don’t look so high, do they? Ideally, we would have a world where paedophilia didn’t exist, where no-one got abused or abducted – but that’s not reality. Is it fair though that 1% of users should keff the system for the other 99%? And what happens when the first ‘blame everyone but myself‘ paedophile says “well, I used to do all this via Chat, as a fantasy to keep my own urges under control, but when they cancelled chat, I had to go out and do it in reality instead”? The same piece quotes,

Gillian Kent, director of MSN UK, said: “Ninety-nine per cent of chat has been used appropriately by people. It is only a small number of people who abuse the service – but it is really serious abuse.

She said one in five people in chat rooms were spammers and there were a smaller number of paedophiles.

Frankly, that’s bollocks. I’ve used chat for about three years now, and a figure of 20% spammers and even 5 or 10% paedophiles is WAY out of proportion. Maybe MSN’s user-profile is different to the services that I’ve used – but I doubt it’s all that different.

There’s instantly more hysteria when anything involves “the internet” – whether it’s children being abducted, spouses leaving to be with someone on the other side of the world, people re-tracing their first loves through school reunion sites, if it mentions the internet, and can be used in a bad light, then it’s media-worthy.

Every form of communication has it’s bad side, it’s anti-use, if you will. Mobile phones can be abused – for instance bullying by text nessage (for which I still envisage “c u ltr 4 a bting” – but I shouldn’t be flippant) and can be used for terrorist purposes due to anonymity, particularly on pay-as-you-go devices. Telephones can be abused – menacing phone calls, or plunging people into debt through premium rate calls. The post can be abused – death threats, love letters, whatever. Even meeting people face to face can be abused – it’s no less likely that meeting one’s “first love” in a supermarket won’t have exactly the same effect as meeting them via a website.

But it’s the internet that gets the bad press at the moment. It’s made communication more instantaneous, and it’s global in reach – maybe that’s why the media doesn’t like it. Yes, because of it’s global nature it is harder to police – but doesn’t some of that come down to personal responsibility anyway?

*Expletive Deleted*

Still in the Guardian, I’ve had to laugh at the “let’s see how many times we can say ‘fuck” piece regarding the decision of various newspapers to quote fully Alastair Campbell’s diary, saying

I want to expose David Kelly in order to “fuck Andrew Gilligan”.

Of course, the Daily Mail chose to use ‘****’ instead, although I notice that on Sunday they were quite happy to use “Paki” as part of their headline (now there’s a shock – hypocrisy at the Mail).

However, the piece that made me laugh the most was (I hope) unintentional. The paragraph explained the Financial Times’ first use of “fuck” on the front page, explaining

“The Bush team’s strategy reflects the closeness of a campaign that the latest polls show as a statistical dead heat. They call it their DIFU strategy – Don’t Fuck It Up.”

I sincerely hope that the Bush administration didn’t call it DIFU, and actually called it DFIU. But I don’t know.

In a sort-of-linked way, I’d also like to say that I think the Sun’s incredibly offensive, insulting and bigoted ‘headline’ about Frank Bruno having to be changed is fantastic. The initial headline would have been a disgrace to The Sport, let alone to anything regarding itself as a newspaper – I’m not going to even give it the credit of webspace, or a link. Every time I think that piece of suppurating shit rag can’t get any worse, they prove me wrong. Long may their readership fall.

Taking the Piss

In comparison to the post below, the Guardian also has a piece on the deterioration of the UK sewer system. The infrastructure is generally reckoned to be at (pardon the image) bursting point already, with little or no investment in improving the current system.

This is one of the areas where privatising the water companies has been at fault – the companies haven’t invested in the systems, because it won’t show a profit to the shareholders. That’s blinkered thinking, based primarily on the “safety’s important, greed is good, but profits and dividends overtake all else” concept that seems to have fuelled a huge number of companies since the 80s. Personally, I can’t see those self-same shareholders being overly impressed when their gardens are covered in shit raw sewage, nor when their expected dividends fail to appear because the water companies are all suddenly having to deal with immense sewage bursts, and have to spend the money all at once in order to ensure that there aren’t outbreaks of rat infestation, typhoid and cholera (to name but a few) because of the fallout from the sewage bursts.

Baby Boom

I can all too easily imagine Green Fairy (nice site redesign, by the way) either frothing at the mouth, or simply despairing (more than normal) of the Tories saying that more babies are the key to solving the looming pensions crisis and to helping economic growth over the next 50 years. I’m not quite sure of the maths involved, being neither a mathematician nor a fuckwit politician, but I can’t quite get the theory to add up.

Of course, on a cynical basis, it has got the Tory party back into the news. I’m sure the Daily fascist Mail will approve of the plan.

Geeky Ego

I wonder, is it sad to be rather smug and chuffed when I’ve managed to get something working on the first go? Especially when it’s something that other people in the department have been working on for a month, and failing to be even slightly successful?

The sad thing is, it’s not even rocket-science stuff. Simply getting stuff on a webpage to appear/disappear at the click of a link – and they hadn’t been able to do it. I despair. Anyway, it’s done, worked first time, and yes, I’m feeling slightly smug and ner-ne-ner-ner, but also pleased that I can still get things to work properly.

Here endeth the session of own-trumpet blowing.

Who needs sleep?

Sometimes I wish I could have an out-of-body experience while sleeping, if only so I could see the position in which I sleep. Also, on days like today, it would be useful to know what sleeping position I’d used that’s making my entire left shoulder feel like someone dislocated it in the night, poured sand into the socket, then relocated the joint.

In short, it’s very very fucking sore. And I’ve no idea why, other than a nagging suspicion that when I finally got to sleep last night, it was with my left arm in a strange and potentially uncomfortable position. Any other information would be mere speculation.

The Festering Season™ starts early

I’d attempted to erase forgotten this from yesterday, but while I was out, I saw that Marks and Spencer have already started displaying their stocks of Festive Festering wrapping paper and so on. Their website has a section on preparing for the festering season. It’s not even bastard October. I could cry.

Decision

For those of you who still haven’t altered your bookmarks and blogrolls, I’m just going to say here (and probably remind on Friday) that I’ve made the decision that the original domain for d4d™, destruction for dummies, is NOT going to be renewed, and so it will be dying as of sometime around Saturday. Of course, because it’s on EasySpace they’ll probably take a few days to take it offline, but I just wanted to point out that at that time the original domain will be dead, deceased, and no more. Which, as a final convincing factor for me, will also immediately halve my daily spam count.

Underworld

Most reviewers have been saying that Underworld is a waste of celluloid – but all the same, I still wanted to see it. The trailers had looked good and the premise of the storyline – vampire vs werewolf (well, called Lycan in the film, but that sounds more like a brand of cling-film) – was something that appealed to me. So yes, I went to see it

And yes, it really is complete bollocks. Absolute utter 100% bollocks. And yet I thoroughly enjoyed it all the same. The storyline is – well, clichéd would be complimentary – and I found myself predicting at least quarter of the lines. The acting is, for the most part, the dictionary definition of risible. Visually, it’s an absolute stunner, which helps a lot – and the soundtrack is pretty damn good too, although the costumes owe one hell of a lot to the Matrix. Some of the effects (particularly one in the finale) are abysmal, while most are good. It’s a film that could’ve been SO much more than it’s turned out to be, and yet I still like it, and will almost certainly end up with it on DVD when it comes out too – although it’ll be loud enough to upset the neighbours when I do.

So – completely undecided about the film – but I’ll look forward still to seeing Van Helsing and LXG.

Helpful

One thing I find I get more and more ratty about now is the way “customer service” and being “helpful” now seems to get in the way of actually facilitating customer’s requirements. Mainly, this is down to getting through the tills. Now OK, I understand that most people are completely thick bastards, and simply don’t read the stuff on the shelves about “buy one, get one free” and so on, but so far as I’m concerned, that’s their problem – no-one else’s.

So – is it actually helpful to say to a customer “Oh, there’s a buy one get one free offer on this, I’ll just get someone to get you the other one” when there’s a queue of ten people waiting to be served. It just means you end up with ten very fucked off people who’ve also had to wait for the fucktard sales assistant to come over to the till, then try and find wherever the item on offer is, and then slop back to the tills with the extra product. In fact, it seems a pretty good way to lose ten customers in the name of keeping one. I will definitely think twice about using that shop again.

Matrix Reloaded – On IMAX

Yeah, I know, Matrix Reloaded as a film is pretty shonky. It’s not the best, and it’s a bit wiffly in places. There’s holes the size of canyons in the plot, and a couple of the effects definitely fell off the back of a lorry. However, for all that I still didn’t mind it at the cinema when it was first released- hell, even for all it’s shortcomings, I enjoyed it. So when I knew it was being released on IMAX format, well, there was no doubt – I was going to be there.

And the verdict? Well first of all, as always with Imax films, the brains just screams “Fucking hell, that thing’s HUGE!” – it brings everything up in more clarity, and that’s a double edged sword with Matrix Reloaded. I loved it, but sometimes the Imax format shows too much detail – the effects are easier to spot, in a way that’s sometimes almost distracting. But it also increases the canvas that the film is made from, brings it back to the total absorption that’s required by the Matrix – and for that, Imax just can’t be faulted. Some of the scenes actually feel to be in 3d because the field of view is so huge, and so clear – you feel you’re floating through the Matrix.

Overall, Reloaded is still a flawed film – Imax shows some of them more, and hides others. It’s interesting – I know I’ll be seeing it again, as other friends want to see it in the same format. A hardship I know, but I’ll live with it – however, I may just end up timing it so I can go to the bog during Morpheus’ speech in Zion – five minutes that really deserved cutting.

Problem with the Equation

The BBC has a piece about the amount of packaging that’s around our shopping, and what can be done to improve our recycling abilities.

The amounts of packaging are actually quite surprising – I knew we were packaging mad, but I hadn’t realised how far the insanity went.

Um – coincidence?

Maybe I should start worrying. The same day I post about Toyota using d4d™ as a description, and should I send them a letter, I get a visit to d4d™ from these people:

Exceptional search

Sometimes, you catch sight of a search request and just have to think “what the hell?”. Today’s example of this is the wonderful

I have no further words to describe that one.

Ha-haa, Scupper yer Landlubbers

Yes, it’s Friday, which means that as well as the standard Friday Farce Five today is also International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which seems appropriate, considering the nefarious brand-stealing piracy detailed below. Avast, ye scurvy dogs, what a rum excuse to be a daft bugger. *Grin*

Trademark Infringement

Oh, sweet irony. Toyota have rebranded their range of diesel engines. The branding for them is – wait for it – d4d. Now, following on from all that shite with Wiley’s, should d4d™ write a snotty letter to Toyota, requesting that they cease and desist from using my brand-name on their engines? Or should I (for once) just keep my head down and not piss people off?

From their site (so yes, it’s ©Toyota)

D-4D actually stands for direct Injection 4 Cylinder Common Rail Diesel Engine.

Surely if it stood for that, it’d be “dI4CCRDE” – what a load of old marketing bollocks.

However, we then get

“What D-4Ds are noteworthy for is their unusually high power outputs, equivalent to that of many competitors’ similarly-sized petrol engines. The D-4D’s rev range is also usefully wider than normal, further enhancing the driving experience.“

I can’t deny d4d™’s unusually high power outputs, but I’m refusing to comment on my range being usefully wider than normal.

Talking with Fucktards, Part 1

Of all the things involved with moving house, I have to say that it’s the utilities companies that make life harder than anyone else. Well, that’s my consistent experience, anyway. In fairness, BT have been fairly efficient this time, and my number moved across to the new house with only one brief problem (which still meant I had to call them and sort it out, but at least it was done immediately) that wasn’t of utter urgency. All the same, it’s a simple process and shouldn’t involve even one small cock-up.

Energy suppliers are a different matter. I’d recently swapped suppliers at the old place, from TXU Powergen (*Spits*) to British Gas. OK, so I want the same supplier at the new place, let’s simply swap suppliers. I’ve given them two weeks notice of the moving date – surely it won’t take that long? Guess again. In fact, I’m still with the old suppliers of gas/electric to the house – it’ll take at least six weeks to move the account over to British Gas. Efficiency at it’s best. For now, it’s with NPower, God help me. I rang them up to give them the new meter readings, so we can start the account from the day I moved in (being honest, for once).

Yes, Hello, I’d like to give you the meter readings for the property I’ve just moved into.
What’s your account number?
No idea – I’ve just moved into the property. There was a letter here saying to call you and register the readings
Oh, well we really need the account number, sir.
Well, I haven’t got one. Can’t you check via the address, and work it that way?
*Sigh* Oh, I suppose so…

After five minutes of huffing and puffing, we get it sorted.

OK, I’ll just put you through to the electricity meter department so you can give them the reading.
…
Hello, Gas Meter department…

Talking with Fucktards, Part 2

Then we went on to my old friends, United Fucking Useless Utilities. Again, I’d called them two weeks ago to inform them of the new address, and the date I’d be moving. I’d had to call them, because their poxy bastard online piece-of-shit form for “helping” to make moving house less stressful won’t accept dates in the future. So instead I have to call them, and tell them I’m moving. Another quarter of an hour on the phone. Competence just doesn’t come into it with utilities companies.

Anyway, I get to the new house, and lo and behold, they’ve managed to do it right. A bill for a small outstanding amount – the difference between places because of different rateable values, or somesuch. It’s less than a tenner, that’s fine – about what I’d expected.

Last night, however, I get home to another bill from UU, this time addressed to “the occupier”. Dated four days after the correct bill I got sent out, and for the full amount of a year’s water rates. So, check the account number – What the fuck?!?, it’s the same account number as the one they’ve sent out in my name. Yup, it’s time for another phone call, find out what the feck they’re playing at – last time there was a cock-up like this, it took me 2½ years to sort out – I’m not going through that shit again

Yes, Hello, I’m calling because I’ve received two bills on the same property, on the same account number, and I’m just trying to find out what’s going on.
*bored voice*OK, when did you move in?
12th September
Well, the two must’ve got crossed in the post.
But the one to “occupier” was sent four days after the correct one
Yeah, they must’ve got crossed in the system. It wouldn’t have known you were there yet, would it?
*deep breath*No, the correct one was sent out before the incorrect one. So you’d got my account details, and then another bill’s been sent out on the same customer reference
Yeah, they must’ve crossed in the system. (And I must be in a fucking timewarp) So one’s got your name on it, and the other one hasn’t, right?
Yes
Well, there you go then. No worries.*Click*

NOT the most helpful fuckhead on Earth – I called them back, and finally ended up speaking to someone who understood. The problem’s now been dealt with, and hopefully the little gimp will be getting a bollocking for being useless, rude, and a complete cunt. I doubt it though – with an attitude like that, he’ll probably be getting promoted to manager within the month.

Pre-Raphaelite

Somehow, it doesn’t come as a particular shock to know that Lord Lloyd-Webber collects Victorian and Pre-Raphaelite paintings, some of which are currently on loan as part of an exhibition. Personally, I’ve always loathed these horrendously sentimental and twee paintings – the subject matter is enough to induce mass vomiting, although I can’t help but admire the technique, the accuracy with which the non-human pieces of each painting are portrayed.

If you want a look at some of the collection, it’s visible here. Just remember to pack a puke bucket first.

Nominate your local grot-hole

I suspect that they could end up being busy, but according to this piece in the Guardian there is now a search going on for the most wasted piece of space/ground in the UK.

Wastedspace.org.uk is the place to go to place your nominations (and I don’t think they’ll accept “Coventry” or “Milton Keynes” as an example of wasted space, but hell, it’s worth a go) and to get more information. Oh, and someone’s already nominated the Millenium Dome. *Grin*

Broadband

Having moved, I’ve been back on the joys of a 56k dial-up for internet access, instead of the ADSL I’ve been used to for the last 18 months. It’s quite a shock to the system, and in honesty I hadn’t appreciated how much I’d got used to broadband until it was no longer there. Anyway, I’ve now sorted out getting the ADSL installed again at the new address, and it’ll be done by the end of the month. (I could have done it faster, but I need the account from the old place to be uninstalled from my phone line first, or something) Already I’m counting the days. Sad, isn’t it?

Updates

No, my missive to el Presidente Blair hasn’t been put up on FuckThankyoutony.com – now there’s a shocker.

However, the cheque I wrote out to “The extortionists at Manchester Glass” has been cashed with no problem whatsoever. And D4D™ is now 32nd(ish) in Google for the search phrase “Manchester Glass”. With luck that’ll just keep on going up – when it’s in the top ten I’ll be happy.

Read the License

Via Cryptogram comes an interesting piece about the License Agreements Dell put on their computers. You have to press a key to say you’ve read the license agreement, but there are no available copies to read. Admittedly, most people just click ‘OK’ and get past it – but then you’ve legally accpeted responsibility for whatever’s in the agreement that you haven’t read.

The better agreements are inside the software packs, and once the seal has been broken on the packaging, you’re deemed to have read the license that’s – um – inside the packaging. Don’t you just love lawyers and their language?

Matrix IMAX

Further to comments here about Friday being “International ‘Talk Like A Pirate’ Day“, I suspect I may have a couple of problems with it. The main one being that on that day I’m off to see Matrix Reloaded on the IMAX screen at Manchester’s Filmworks. A combination of Neo and piracy may be a very bad combination for the world around me. *Grin*

Restoration

I didn’t catch most of the BBC’s “Restoration” programme – but I did watch the final. I’m really pleased that Victoria Baths in Manchester won the final prize, and I’ll look forward to seeing the final restored result. While I’ve never been – they’ve been closed longer than I’ve been in Manchester, and I was kind of busy during the open day over the weekend- iCandy went for a visit, and also took some photos. The restoration will be an interesting project – I would just hope now that the other finalists will also get funding from other sources, now that their profile has been made a lot higher in the public eye.

And also this weekend, the (equally Mancunian) John Rylands Library closed for two years rebuilding and restoration work. Again, this is somewhere I’ve kept on meaning to go, and simply never got round to. I will when it re-opens in 2005.

Frankly, my dear

So, according to (among many others) the Guardian, Ben Affleck’s dumped J-Lo. Frankly, who cares? Yet it’s the headline on the Sun (I should point out I only know this because the nork in front of me was reading the rag story.), and I assume it’s been the headline on other papers too.

Of course, the irony is that one of the speculated reasons for this “split” is the excessive journalism around their lives and wedding. (Well shit, what did they expect when they became well-known?) And so now the “split” is in every bloody paper. But I still don’t care whether they’re together, single, or even living or dead. And I wonder how many people actually do care, or believe it’s relevant.

Hell is other people

Why is it that when people move house, they turn into people who make Scrooge look like the soul of generosity? When I’ve moved into houses previously, I’ve found that the previous occupants have taken light-bulbs, light-switches – well, electric points in general – and even plumbing sections (i.e. for the washing-machine’s drain-tube). All of which are a pain in the arse. But the ultimate one for pettiness has to be what I discovered in the new place.

The previous occupants had removed – if you’re not sat down, I’d advise doing so now – the co-ax plug from the end of the TV aerial cable. Cost? Less than 50p. What the fuck is the point of that?

Anyway, it’s all fixed now – and no, I won’t be taking it with me when I leave.

Day One

A first day in the new place, and most of it’s been good. I hadn’t realised how constantly stressed I was in the old place, but now those levels have gone. In some ways it’s been draining, or at least the changes have left me feeling drained.

Today’s been a manic day, but in a relaxing way. It sounds paradoxical – hell, it is paradoxical – but while I’ve been bombing round sorting out the alarm system in the old house, doing domestic stuff like shopping, and sorting out things in town. However, at the same time I also was able to take time out, and ended up going to the cinema to (finally) see “Pirates of the Caribbean“. Amazingly dumb film, but I enjoyed it hugely. Every so often, it’s necessary to just sit and be entertained – and I was. No high art – although some stunning effects – a semi-decent storyline, and even *gasp* some decent acting. Oh, and a completely over-the-top set of fights – it was wonderful.

All things considered, I’m happier. There’s a lot of stuff still due to be happening, changes in the pipeline, and still some of a house to be sorted. But yes, I’m happier, and for now that’ll do.

A Moving Experience

And there it was, done. The mad packing of boxes, the hyper-squirrel moments working out how best to get as many things a s possible into boxes and hiding places, and figuring out where it was all going to go in the new place. Done.

Yes, I’m all moved and sorted. In a particularly genius piece of planning I’m off out in an hour to celebrate a friends birthday. I can’t think of a better way to end a moving day – food and booze, and not having to wash it up afterwards.

Always the techie, the laptop is set up and working (No Shit, Sherlock) and the main PC is just about ready to go back into operation. For the moment I’m back on a 56K dial-up connection, although the ADSL is ordered and waiting on lead-times. The plants are out of their boxes and settling into new homes, the beds are re-assembled, although not yet made. The living room might as well be a shanty town, the number of boxes that are still in there, but at the same time the sofas are sorted, and the TV is in place. Tomorrow all the other bits and pieces, the Tivo, the video, the onDigital ITV Digital Freeview box, and the stereo will all be unboxed and set up. But all of it pales into insignificance (well, almost) in comparison to one simple fact – I’m no longer in the house that was burgled twice, broken into by the same little bastard.

The noise levels are different here – it’s a busier road, instead of a purely residential street. I don’t mind traffic noise, in fact I find it almost soothing, the constant influx of white noise, rather than the harsh instrusions of people, scrotty little sods on illegal scooters, and wheel-spinning teenage poseurs in their GTis. It’s a different place, and it feels good to be here – I’ve worked my bits off in the last month to get here, but it seems worthwhile. Already I can feel myself relaxing, settling.

Suddenly, the future seems a lot brighter than it did even a week ago.

Bet it doesn’t get displayed

Over at the inexecrably unpleasant and sycophantic Thank You, Tony, there’s a page for “send your thanks to Tony Blair”. In typical Lyle fashion, this is what has been sent :

Dear Tony,

Thanks for helping your best mate George to kill innocent people in the name of fighting a terrorist enemy in a completely different country.

Your efforts towards stopping the terrorism by getting rid of a dictator who was a thorn in your side, but keff all to do with the perpetrators of 9/11 makes you deserving of many, many awards. Some of the acronyms might even be printable. I would like to personally put you forward for the Congressional Uninational Nominated Treasure award. I’ll let you work out what letters that’d mean you can put after your name.
Sincerely
Lyle

Any money it doesn’t get added to the list – but if it does, you can be sure I’ll tell all. *Grin*

Twunt

Over at Scaryduck, the merchandising bug has hit. Scaryduck mugs are being considered, with a design similar to this:

(Click on the image for a full-size rendition)

I think that every workplace should be introduced to the word Twunt, and as such I’ve also knocked up a simpler, more minimalist design for scary to consider.

If you’re wanting to order them, or even just like the idea, head on over to Scary’s place, and let him know.

Ooops

Sometimes you just have to despair, don’t you? Following all the stories of the London Blackout last month, National Grid Transco has revealed what caused the power outage. Someone had replaced a 5amp fuse with a 1amp fuse – which then blew.

Admittedly, I’m quite intrigued as to what would a 5amp fuse would be used for in a fecking huge power supply main – but as I’m not an electrician, let alone someone who’d know about power supply mains, I suppose it’s not unfeasible that I wouldn’t have a clue.

Blogger Bits

Oooh – I bet that there’s a few Blogger Pro people who aren’t overly amused today. Blogger Pro ceased to exist yesterday, and most of the features are now available to us miserly Blogger users. I wonder how long it’ll be before there’s a small subscription charge for Blogger use?

Moose-Box

I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t post anything else about moving/packing. I lied. Actually, it’s only a small post, because I’d forgotten I’d taken a photo of the mooses (Meese? Moose?) in their packing box, and I found it again while sorting out other stuff last night. So here you go…

(The purple bits are candles, Anony hasn’t suddenly grown purple pop-eyes)

UPDATED : Following on from the comments below, I suppose it’s possible that some of the meese are actually reindeer. However, as there’s no genetic test to ascertain the parentage of fluffy toys, I’m going to stick with referring to them all as moose. For some reason “reindeer” just aren’t as cool/funny as moose/meese. So there.

The first post of the Festering Season

Regular readers will already know my general loathing of the Festering Season™, and in particular the way it’s now seemingly held hostage by retailers and materialists. Anyway, today’s Guardian has a story about the Crhistian advertising group. (and there was me thinking that Ad execs were strictly Satan’s property, along with lawyers and estate agents) You may recall their other effort, portraying Jesus in a similar pose to Che Guevara.

Well, this year they’ve gone one better, and instead have come up with a portrayal of the birth of Jesus, with the baby dressed up as Santa. (A larger version of the ad on it’s own can be seen here Will it be successful? I have no idea – but anything that puts the idea forward that Christmas isn’t all about materialism can’t be all bad.

I am so proud

I’ve just been looking at search referrals (and no, I haven’t mentioned anything about them for a while now – I’ll do a bigger selection soon, promise) and it turns out I’m now #1 in Google for “kenny everett bomb the bastards“.

*proud – sad, but proud*

Techie humour

Today’s User Friendly sums up the techie attitude to so many of life’s essentials. Practical. *Grin*

Pub(l)ic Transport

I have to say, I really don’t find the news that nearly a third of all motorists wouldn’t give up their car and use public transport instead to be all that surprising. Nor do I find it surprising that 1 in 10 drivers have no idea how they’d even use public transport – i.e. what bus route they’d need, that kind of thing. I’m actually far more surprised that the figures weren’t higher.

What organisations like TravelWise (who are organising TravelWise week, a project to get people out of their cars and onto public transport) always forget – and so do the Government when they release all the plans and so on to get more people onto public transport – is that public transport is a pain in the arse. And bear in mind, I use it every day, so I know all too well.

First of all, most people are fucking lazy. It’s easier to “leave the house, get into a car, drive to work, get out in the works car park, and be at work”. Public transport involves “leave the house, walk to the bus-stop/train-station, *wait*, travel, possibly *wait for next connection*, travel, get out, walk from nearest station/bus-stop to get to work” When the weather’s crap, it’s even worse. When it’s winter, it’s worse again. If public transport were to go door to door, people would use it. Possibly.

Second, it’s not reliable. Stuff all the garbage spouted about “investment in infrastructure” – make everything run on time. Not just the oft-maligned (and normally maligned by me, I admit) trains, but the bus system as well. My journey to work involves two bus journeys, and can take anything from 40 minutes to an hour and a half. It all depends on how the buses are running. Some days (as today) I get to the bus-stop and the bus is there. Other days I can get to the stop at the exact same time (or even earlier) and wait 20 minutes for one to appear. The second service is even worse, and the only thing I can guarantee about the “high frequency” service that runs “at least once ever ten minutes” will (probably) provide a bus within half an hour. If the services were reliable, and ran to their timetable, more people might use them.

Third, and perhaps crucially, public transport involves having to deal with other people. For a large number of people, the drive to work is really the only quiet time they get, the only real time to themselves. So why would they want to spend it in the company of yelling schoolkids, screaming babies, and – well – just people in general? I don’t think that one can be sorted out. Just look at the number of people who drive to work in their cars without no passengers, and you’ll see why.

So – is there hope for public transport as an alternative to cars? No, probably not. It’s an essential for those of us who (like me) don’t drive, but getting drivers onto public transport? I doubt it’ll happen, and definitely not in any significant numbers. It’s like smoking – the government can tax it, initiate toll roads and so on, but people will still drive to work. Simple as that.

Insurance

In my junk mail this morning I got a letter from Lloyds Bank’s home insurance people. They were offering me up to £100 if their quote couldn’t beat my current insurance premium. “Aye right”, thought I. And gave them a call.

For one third of the cover, the best that they could come up with was £700. At that point, they explained the small print – to get the £100 back, I’d have to sign up for their insurance first. Frankly, keff that – far more hassle than it’s worth, even neglecting the fact it’d be costing me more than twice as much. Pure comedy.

I hear you called back

The useless bugger called back – maybe he’s not so useless after all. Oh no, he’s telling me that Zero7 have postponed their tour from October this year to March 2004, due to “recording schedule problems”. With luck that means there’ll be a new album sometime in 2004 too. Still, it’s all OK, because the tickets will be valid for the new date anyway.

However he couldn’t provide me with any decent reasons for a) why he didn’t leave a message on the voice-mail and save himself a second call, and b) why it’s taken four weeks since the date was advertised as changing before they’ve started calling the people who’d bought tickets.

I hear you calling

Why is it that so many companies (and individuals, I should add) are completely fucking useless at leaving a message on an answerphone?

I had a call while in a meeting today – obviously couldn’t pick it up, but after four rings it goes automatically to the voice messaging anyway, so no worries. I’ve got Caller ID, so I can call them back, find out what’s going on. Only it turns out it’s the company I use for booking concert tickets, and they’ve feck all idea what anyone within the call-centre might have been calling to tell me. And I’ve no idea, because the gormless cunt couldn’t be bothered to leave a message. Frustrating, to say the least.

Red Sky at Night

I couldn’t resist it – had to take photos of the sky tonight, it was such a stunning colour.

  

And so it starts

Following on from the post below about DNA Testing, the Guardian also reveals that the Government has now announced that it wants to give children ID numbers from birth. (UPDATED : I’ve changed the link on the story (the old one is here if anyone cares) to a better piece by the Grauniad) Seems to me that it’s yet another way – admittedly a long-term plan, but still – to end up with everyone in the country given an identity number.

I wonder how they’ll end up making sure people (particularly children) keep their ID numbers. Tattooed barcodes at birth?

DNA Testing for all

Both the BBC and the Guardian have features on the story about every inhabitant of the UK potentially being required to give a DNA sample. In honesty, I’m not sure how I feel about this. The first reaction is a knee-jerk “No way do I want that” – there are lots of privacy issues to look at, for instance. But if I’m not going to be breaking any laws (by which I’m referring to ones where DNA would be left at the scene) then why would I worry?

I suppose that it’s the extrapolations that are the real concern – if there’s a record of every person’s DNA on record, what’s to stop analysis on that DNA, trying to find “genes of criminality” (for example) and then flagging up the new DNA records that contain those genes? Philip Kerr envisaged a similar scenario in his novel “A Philosophical Investigation“. What else could be done? Would it increase the capture rate for rapists, murderers and the like, or would it spawn a new criminal activity, messign with genetics and genetic records in order to obfuscate identities again?

My first reaction is that if such a scheme came into law, I’d probably leave the country. Not because I’ve anything to hide, but because I don’t like the idea of an omnipresent State, and I like even less the idea of politicians being in charge of such a scheme.

But then I also find myself looking at the potential benefits – the same thing, more murderers, rapists etc would be caught. Also, it would enable (in theory) more genetic research, looking for the genes that are related to cancer, birth defects of all types, and diseases such as Polio and other gene-based complaints. Of course, the flip-side of that is the concept (and I hesitate to use the word, after last time’s furore) of Eugenics, of controlling what type of child is born through genetic manipulation – a scheme which is much in keeping with the kind of totalitarian state that would encourage such a wholesale thing as a genetic database for all in the first place. Such a database would also mean that when bodies are found, beyond all recognition (and also in disaster scenarios) there would be a higher rate of identification.

So – good or bad? As with all things, both options are open. Personally, even with the extra thought, I think it would be a bad thing – the cons far outweight the pros.

That plant is proscribed

Ah, the joys of bureaucracy. Those pen-pushing self-justifying bean-counters lovely essential people at the DTI have now released a 2,000 word set of guidelines on office plants. In older offices, such as the one I currently work in, staff would be entitled to “one display of plants per 120 square metres of ‘useable floor space'”. Who the hell cares?

It also doesn’t seem to take into account things like Sick Building Syndrome, although as it says there is still a provision that

“Staff may continue to provide their own plants, providing they are maintained by their owners and disposed of in an environmentally friendly manner and not a) intrusive or b) a nuisance to others.”

I despair. Are we now really so nannified that we need guidelines on office plants? God help me if the DTI ever look at my “home office” set-up. There’s plants everywhere, and always will be.

Blind Spot

OK, I’m not going to let this turn into a diary on house moving. It’s tedious to read. Even I’ve lost the will to live on it. Suffice it to say that everything’s going on, and will keep on doing so for the rest of this week. And that’s all I’ll (probably) say on the subject now until Friday, at which point a “woo-hoo – new home!” post is to be expected.

Packing – Day 2

Considering how much stuff I thought I’d got, it’s going into a worryingly small number of boxes. Then again, I know I can pack like a professional, so each box is probably pretty much at it’s capacity limit. When d4d’s letting me upload stuff to it again (God knows what’s going on there, but it’s been playing silly knackers all day) I’ll shove up some photos to display the packing levels.

Right now I’m just hoping I haven’t forgotten that someone/anyone’s coming round this week. I think I’m fairly safe on that one – but if anyone does, they’ll have to live with the state of the place – and the fact that all the glassware is now packed, plus half the kitchen. All the mooses (moose?) are in a box too, and the place is beginning to look a bit empty. The fact is, most of the stuff I own is furniture rather than ornamental, so the place will only look really empty once all that’s gone too. The kitchen’s the biggest victim currently on the “looking a lot barer than it did this morning” stakes, as most of the smaller bits of kitchen stuff are also now ensconced in boxes.

Upgrades

Note to self : Hoovering up shards of glass with a hoover that needs a bag is not a good idea. I’ve had to buy a new one, because from the look of it the glass shards whacked straight through the bag and into the fiulter/motor of the hoover. Ooops. From the grinding noise it now makes, and the fact it’s got less suction than an exceptionally non-sucky thing, I’m working on the assumption that it’s knackered.

So there’s a new hoover, and this time it’s bagless. We’ll see what I can do to knacker it…

Preparation

I suspect there might not be a lot of updates this weekend. First of all, Blogger‘s been down all day – piece of shite. Second I’ve been packing – horrendously productive, all the books, CDs, Videos and software stuff is now packed. The removals company dropped off the boxes, packing tape and paper last night – 50 boxes, all told. Still loads to do, but a significant dent in the workload has been made.

At some point this weekend, I’ll also be setting up the new wireless network. I’ve got the router and the laptop card, but the PCI card for the main PC won’t arrive ’til Wednesday (piece of shit places with no stock). So all things considered, I may just be pretty busy…

Extortion – Part 2

Further to the comments earlier this week about Manchester Glass, having checked my bank account online, the cheque cleared today. So that episode is all done, and the point is well made. Now, I wonder if I can cancel the cheque, as it was made out to Extortionists?

It’s also a very handy Googlewhack with only the one answer for that particular search. Now, I wonder how I can build it up to be higher in the normal search?

CO₂ disposal

According to the Guardian, UK MPs are considering a plan to deposit CO₂ (Carbon Dioxide) in what amount to a big cave in the North Sea. Considering that CO₂ is the gas used to make sparkling mineral water sparkle, does that mean we’ll soon be getting Bottled North Sea™, or will it add a different meaning to “North Sea Gas”?

It’s not April 1st, is it?

Security – American Style

Luckily, it’s not just the Aussies who are having problems. Over in South Korea, it’s been discovered that some enterprising naughty people dug a 20metre (66 feet, for those of an imperial persuasion) tunnel into a US base in order to steal beer and wine. To me, that’s brilliant – the world’s superpower can’t even detect a tunnel going into the base – let alone the £1.2million of beer and wine that got stolen. No fucking about, they reckon that they lost 58,000 crates of beer, and 4,000 boxes of wine. You’d have thought someone would notice, wouldn’t you?

Security – Australian Style

It must be hugely embarassing for all involved, but I’ve had to laugh at the story of the Australian security services having had two mainframe computers stolen from their main office. Apparently, the thieves just walked in, provided false signatures and addresses, and walked out with the computers on trolleys – straight past the security desk.

It’s what I’ve always said – if you look like you fit in, no-one will stop you.

For sale: 8 years work

While helping to confirm the theory that the UK has more than it’s fair share of eccentrics, the story today of the man selling his house complete with model railway in the back garden is quite impressive. 600ft of track, tunnels, platforms and sidings – all in the back garden of a normal domestic house. Quite mad, and so very eccentrically British. *Grin*

Geekery

As Peter has pointed out today, those nice people at Blogger have been twonking about again. However, whatever they’ve done has also fixed the problem I blethered about last week, and Blogger now works happily with Mozilla Firebird again. So yes, I’m a happy camper – returning to IE to write d4d™ was a traumatic experience (No tabbed browsing? No geeky toolbars for checking the code? Aaargh, the speed tortoise-like rendering of pages!) that I’m happy to lose again.

In other doses of geekyness, Neil Gaiman and DC Comics have released “Endless Nights“, the first new Sandman material for seven years. While I’ve kind of stopped reading comics again (or graphic novels, if you prefer), I’ll make an effort to get hold of these. The Sandman stuff has always been stunning and thought provoking, so I’m interested to know what Gaiman’s come up with this time…

Battle Cry

If I’d known this earlier, I’d have used it while speaking (and, more amazingly, holding in the temptation to say “For fuck’s sake! Your website’s shite, I’ve got to fucking call you up now to do something that should take 30 seconds online, and you’re insisting on making me hold this call while you type my details into a fucking computer – slowly – and tell me every so often ‘this won’t take a moment’. You’re fucking right, it’s not taking a moment, I’ve been on the bloody phone for ten minutes already – is there any point to this, or are you just an incompetent fucktard with the IQ of a wart?“)

Striding amidst the candy store, carrying a reflective halberd, cometh Lyle! And he gives a mighty scream:

“Blood and souls for my dark lord! I shall paint the town a sanguine shade of doom!”

(The table stuff utterly fucked up on a CSS based page like this, so the link for the battle-cry generator is Here. Enjoy)

Surely some mistake

Looking through the last ten visitors to d4d, the following appears…

I think someone should tell them about the spelling mistake, don’t you? (Of course, there’s also that nagging thing of “Scottish Council? Looking here?”)

Googlism

BT called back – and near enough on-time for it to be a bit of a shock. The move of phone number to the new place is now sorted, although (as expected) ADSL is going to be a total bastard, and there’ll be a break in service. Oh goody – dial-up. <sarcasm>Woo-hoo, just what I wanted.</sarcasm>

Anyway, in the meantime, some definitions of Lyle, thanks to Googlism.

Online Services

There are times where I just want to scream. While preparing for the move next week, I wanted to get a couple of things sorted out with two companies, BT and United Utilities, my lovely incompetent provider of water.

BT, in all their ineffable wisdom, have a service for sorting out getting ADSL installed. I already have ADSL at the current address, but will want it to be installed at the new place, and ideally don’t want to spend a month pissing about with waiting to get it done. When I try organising it online, I have to enter the phone number I want the service to be on, and the system says “you’ve already got it”. It doesn’t even give me a chance to go through wanting it at a new address. I’m now waiting for them to give me a call back, and deal with it that way. I’m not holding out much hope…

United Utilities have the supposedly helpful idea of a “moving house?” form, so that (and I quote) “f you have just moved into a new address or are about to do so, please fill in this form”. Only when you enter a moving date in the future, it responds with “Please enter a valid date of occupancy“. So – that’s fucking useless too, and ensues another bastard phone call.

Online Services like these are supposed to be a) simple, b) useful, and c) convenient. So why are they none of these things, and instead just frustrating, unhelpful, and ultimately apparently designed to piss people off?

Moving

Well, I’m now sorted and booked to move on the 12th Sept. The removal company is going to cost me £300, which strikes me as pretty good – but then, I’ve never used a removals company before. So – what are other people’s feelings about it? Is it a reasonable amount, or am I being ripped off?

UPDATED : I should point out that this isn’t a long-distance move – although it is the full contents of a two-bedroom house.

Brought by the letter “V”

The BBC has a piece that (I suspect) Green Fairy will be frothing about later. It’s explaining how Sesame Street is being used to promote “American values” to other countries – God help us.

One revelation that I didn’t know is that the US Army actually part sponsors the makers of Sesame Street, Childrens Television Workshop – who needs conspiracy theories when reality contains gems like that?

Abduction

There seems to be a theme developing in the media at the moment – and again it’s based around The Paedophile Menace. (with apologies to George Lucas) Today’s Grauniad is reporting that David Milner has been in court charged with “abducting” the 14 year old Stacey Champ. (The BBC’s reportage of the court appearance is here.) Following on from all the gubbins about Shevaun Pennington and the ex-marine Toby Studebaker who has also recently appeared in court on the same charge.

To my knowledge, in neither of these cases were the girls actually abducted – to all appearances they were both willing partners to that extent, and neither have seemed to be exactly traumatised by the entire chain of events. The Pennington girl took her passport with her to meet Studebaker – hardly the act of someone who’s been abducted. She knew she was planning to travel – so how is it “abduction”? In the Guardian’s article about the discovery/capture of Milner and Champ, a witness says

“They looked quite shocked. As soon as he got taken out of the car she became very upset and was crying. He wasn’t upset or angry, he seemed resigned to being caught,” he added.”

The same article reports that

Stacey was “giggling” and seemed “quite lovestruck”, she said.

– again, hardly the actions of someone who’s been abducted and is supposedly in danger.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the charge of “abduction” in relation to either of these cases to be a difficult one to swallow. Yes, perhaps the girls have both been stupid – if that were a crimnal offence, 80% of the UK population would be in jail – but they’ve not been kidnapped and forced to do anything. (Proviso – it hasn’t been reported that they were forced to travel) But at the moment it seems that “abduction” is the only offence they can try and prove – and I wonder what will happen if the cases get kicked out of court. For one thing it’s going to be exceptionally difficult to find a jury of twelve people who haven’t heard about these stories…

Fiscally Unsound

I wish I could say that the story about a quarter of people with a credit-card or loan have no real idea of the amount they owe shocked me, or even surprised me, but it doesn’t. There’s a combination of things on this one – and one is “what was the question that was asked to get this answer?“. For example, I probably wouldn’t know the exact amount I still had left to repay – but I’d know it started off at (for example) £5,000 and was steadily coming down.

The figure I do find scary is that one in five people (20%) have to borrow money to cover their general household bills. I know that some of the blame for this kind of debt-laden society can eb laid at the door of credit-cards and loan companies who always push credit/debt as a lifestyle choice, and some can be laid at the door of an education system that still teaches absolutely nothing about APRs, interest rates, or how to manage finances. But there’s also an awfully large amount of the blame that can be laid directly at the door of the borrowers themselves – the people who don’t understand what they’re paying, who really don’t even have a comprehension that all this credit has to be paid back, and who can’t even balance their incomings against their outgoings.

I’m no angel on this score – I’ve been deeply in debt myself, but am now out of it. I’ve got one outstanding debt of just over £1000, but other than that, I’m currently debt-free, and actually in credit at the bank. (Oh no, I lie – I’m in the overdraft at the moment, because of the shedload I had to shell out on Friday for a months rent plus a month’s rent as deposit on the new house) I don’t have any intentions of going back into the debt cycle – it’s too much hassle, for one thing – although at some point next year I’m also going to be shoving myself into the joys of heavy debt via a mortgage. But the basic idea is to keep myself in credit now, if I can possibly manage it. I don’t want to be part of the majority, one of the people who think it’s an easy life to be in debt all the time.

Armageddon Outta Here

According to both the Grauniad (here) and the BBC (here) are reporting a story of a potential asteroid impact on Earth in 2014. The odds are still listed as 1 in 909,000 – it’s lucky that it’s only 909,000 because as everyone knows, one in a million chances happen nine times out of ten.

A Question

Is it just me who wonders what it would sound like to kick a bagpipe player right in the plums while he’s busy (pardon the phrase) strangling his instrument? I find myself thinking about this every time I go past the scunner in central Manchester.

Club Reps

I seem to recall saying this a while back, so it’s hardly a shock to see that TV is being blamed for a lot of the yobs going off to Faliraki on holidays. The TV Comapny has responded by saying

“Club Reps is a documentary series and as such its content has been wholly factual.

The programme-makers filmed what they saw, and the programmes that were broadcast were simply a reflection of what was already commonplace in the resort.”

So of course they’re not responsible for advertising the place as a destination for those who want to go off and get pissed, fight, fuck, and think that makes a great holiday.

Extortion

Lyle’s Amazing Facts #1 – the first in an occasional series

Maybe I’m naïve, but did you know that if your house is broken into and the police call out a boarding-up service (no matter how shonky the service) then you’re financially responsible for the fees from that service? I didn’t.

After the break-in a month ago, the police called out a bunch of cowboys called Manchester Glass, who boarded up the broken window.
Materials – a sheet of chipboard, and eight screws (at least two of which didn’t even bite into the wood of the windowframe)
Cost to me? £70.50. Bearing in mind that the new window cost me only £50, I reckon that’s a bit of a piss-take, particularly considering that I didn’t even request the service.

Over the weekend, I got a snotty letter from Manchester Glass, saying that if I didn’t pay the amount, they’d take me to County Court. (Quite how they’d manage this without even knowing my name is a seperate question) I spoke to an exceptionally officious member of their staff today, enquiring how I can be financially responsible for a service I didn’t request, and whether a County Court would accept this as a reason for not paying. The answers, in order, were

“You’ll have to talk to the police about that, I wouldn’t know”
and
“we’ve been to court on lots of occasions, and we’ve never lost a case yet”

In the causes of an easy life, and because I can’t be arsed with the stress, I’ve sent them a cheque – recorded delivery – today. Perfectly legal – it’s got a payee in the correct name and everything. Whether they cash it or not is an entirely different matter – it’s made out to “The Extortionists at Manchester Glass“.

Biometrics

On the BBC, there’s a story about how scientists have created a way for computers to detect the way you use your mouse to “sign” your signature, and use it as a method of online ID verification. Already I can spot a couple of potential problems with it – for example, what if a person is using a laptop, with either the touchpad or the “nipple” touchpoint instead of a “proper” mouse? What if (like me on occasion) they use a trackball?

I’m always interested in biometrics, and how they can be used to verify identity and so on, but more and more I find myself believing they should be used as an extra layer of confirmation, rather than an absolute form of identification. Fingerprints are uniquely identifiable, so is DNA (and once we get round to a security system that can sample one’s DNA from skin cells then we’ll be into a whole different world of security, identity theft, and the like), but I’m pretty certain that the way I use a mouse isn’t unique. Maybe I’m wrong – but I’d have to see some pretty conclusive proof before I believed it.