Grrrr

It would be sweary, but I can’t be keffed. Wireless Networks. ADSL modems. Routers. Firewalls. Printers – Network Ready. (HA!) An extra day. Already. Forgetting to set my email to forward to somewhere locally. Dreading the amount of spam tonight. Knackered. Ratty. Vey very fucking ratty.

*sob*

Brief Hi8

Ooops, forgot to say, I’m off for a couple of days, putting in a nice big wireless network and the like, so blogging will be in short supply. I’ll be back tomorrow evening, honest.

Photos

Oh dear. The originals at full size are available if necessary (and why on earth _would_ you want to?), but photos of the BM4 (Blogmeet 4) are now available here. Lori’s photos are available here. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Back

I really should be more hungover than I am. Come to that, I really should be hungover.

And did you remember to put your clocks forward?

Out – BlogMeet 4

Yes, today’s the day of the infamous Blogmeet. I think this is the fourth one now, and it’s the first where we see people in daylight! Be afraid…

Photos will follow, tonight, tomorrow, sometime. The camera’s got a 256Mb card in it, so there should be a couple of good ones. *Grin*

Fan-Mail

An email received today.

Just had to say I loved your rant about Virgin Trains. I work for the lovely company and have put up your rant on the mess room notice board and everyone thought it was well class! apartfrom the management that it becuase it can’t possible be true, its a world class service! Ha Ha

Guestweek

Chuff, that was a struggle. An inspired (if slightly surreal and double-entendre-laden) tale of “The Littlest Cucumber” (each word there links to a different section of the piece of crap silly tale) got me through, and now it’s just the cocktails to organise, so we’re doing OK. God knows what next week will bring.

In other news, I’ve now got to “prettify” a section of the intranet for the council. It’s purely functional at the moment, and the smegwits on the Fourteenth Floor now want it to look pretty, in order to enter some kind of executive pissing contest with another local local authority. Ah joy.

Personally, I thought the point of putting the Chief Execs on the 14th floor was to prove that they actually do shit on people from a very great height…

Why Me?

It always happens like this. Every time I think I’m sorted, that I’m paid up on all my bills and with no more due in for a month or so, one always turns up. Completely unexpected, and a total pain in the arse.

This time, it was my old battlepals, British Gas. The motherfuckers. Apparently I’ve managed the impossible, and have two electricity accounts for the same property. I paid one electricity bill about six weeks ago, which they conveniently have no record of. This account has been overdue for about three months, so it’s snotty letter time. It’s paid now, and I’ll keep on looking into how they’ve managed to get two accounts, only one of which is traceable.

Of course, British Gas themselves are about as useful as condoms in a nunnery, and can’t trace payments, can’t list payments coming from one account (“That might break Data Protection” “I authorise you to do it” “No, it still might break Data Protection” Cunts) and are basically as un-fucking-helpful as it’s possible to be. So I pay twice for a cockup from British Gas – and they’ll do cock-all to try and find out why it’s happened. When I find out, I may just swear lots, and be rather unpleasant.

Document Structure

Over the last couple of years, one of the big buzzwords when it comes to web page design has been “document structure”. Because of the rise of technologies such as CSS and XHTML, the actual HTML in a page has finally become more about the content, instead of primarily being involved with the layout of the page. As this has happened, the structure of the content, the actual text, has become more important.

Headings are now one of the major parts of document structure – for instance, a page title should be an <h1>, the next heading should be an <h2>, the next one an <h3> and so on. Having the correct structure like this helps with bookmarking pages, with producing tables of contents, and many other odds and sods.

Here at work, Stinky® is supposed to be the evangelist for all things to do with accessibility, page structure, CSS, etc. While he’s been on holiday, I’ve been working on a couple of sections I don’t normally touch. These sections are – to be polite – an utter sack of shite, don’t have any document structure, the CSS is abominable, and in fact it looks like the Legoland® version of a website. Total bobbins.

I guess what annoys me is the double standards of it all. In a way I’m in the same boat, because d4d™ doesn’t adhere to those standards of document structure etc. either. However, I’ve never claimed it does. The CSS validates, but I’ve never claimed the pages do. (Which is fortunate, as they don’t even validate to HTML 4.01 – Ooops) When I redesign d4d™, I’ll be looking at making sure that it does exactly what it says on the tin, but ’til then I’m not going to make false claims about its accessibility. However, Stinky® is forever bleating on about how sites don’t adhere to standards, aren’t compliant with various definitions, yawn, yawn, yawn. And yet the stuff he’s written for the council actually is some of the most nastily broken stuff I’ve seen in a long time.

Frustrating.

Organise, Pissup, Brewery

We regret to inform you that the CD which was enclosed in the product packs at the LAWs dissemination event in Manchester yesterday contains a virus despite having been scanned before production.

The virus does not affect Windows NT, Windows 2000 and Windows XP, but can have severe effects on Windows 95, Windows 98 and Windows Me.

We would request that you do not place it in your CD drive but that you destroy it immediately. However, if you have already opened the CD, please contact your IT team and tell them that you may have W95.Spaces.1445.

Words fail me.

Meeting – Aftermath

A Lyle Semi-Sweary® Production. © 2004.

Well, fucking hell, what a waste of time/effort/a day. I’ve heard more corporate-speak bullshit in the last ten hours than I have in the last ten months. People from local authorities all over the north of England, and most of them actually look like they’re eating up this guff like it’s caviar.

APLAWS, LAWS, GCL, LACL, XML, XSLT, SOAP, D4D, HP, FLOB, ODPM, OeE, ESD, and many more. All utter utter bollocks. Do you remember Gus from Drop the Dead Donkey? Management guff of the “I’m not here” variety. He had a shedload to learn from the cunch of bunts today.

More to the point, it wasn’t even an informative or useful seminar. In fact it was shit – pure, unadulterated, shit. Nothing of relevance about how all this stuff really works, just about “what we’ve done in the last year with all these TLAs”. It was like the first day back to school after the summer holidays. Attending events like that drives me fucking barmy – such a complete and utter waste of taxpayers money. Grrrrrrr.

This post was brought to you by the ‘words’ (and I mean that in the loosest possible sense) “polyhierarchical” and “productisation“, both of which were bandied about repeatedly throughout the day.

Meeting

Kill me now. Today is not going to be a day where I update much. I’m stuck in a meeting all day about APLAWS (Accessible & Personalised Local Authority Websites), LAWS (Local Authorities Websites – National Project) and the GCL (Government Category List).

As you can probably tell from that little lot, I’m likely to be bored out of my brain, and wearing my world-famous “Oh, Who gives a fuck?” face. There may be ventage later.

Note to Self

Vent about Document Structure later.

Charm

“Hey, Mister, you know drinking Diet Coke’s bad for you, don’t’cha?“
“Yes, and so’s being an interfering mouthy little gobshite. Now fuck off.“

Ventage

Lyle, can you put this document up on the intranet please?
It’s important, it has to be available from Monday, or we break one of our prome Government requirements.
Thanks. I’m now off for a week, so any questions about it will have to wait ’til my return.

Department $#!+

Ok, that’s not a difficult request. One document, to go on the intranet. Knowing where would be nice, but I can probably figure that out. Knowing what the blue blazing fuck they mean by “(link)” (and of course some clue about what the (link) is supposed to bastard well link to) next to some of the document references would be useful. Actually having some of the documents that are purportedly part of this ultra-important e-Government bullshit would be kind of handy too. Come to that, some kind of guidelines regarding how they want the document to look, and what the fiddly shit they’re blithering on about would be fairy usefull as well.

So – do I make sure the document is on the intranet for Monday, cock-ups and all, so that the deadline is appeased, but the originator of the document looks like a moron? Or do I wait for the fucktard to come back, blow the deadline out of the water, get a bollocking, and have a sensible document made available a couple of days late?

End of an Era

It looks like EMAP have pretty much decided that the next issue of The Face will be the last unless a last-minute purchaser can be found. It’s been running now for 24 years, and the last issue will be published on April 8th.

They’re also saying that Just Seventeen is also likely to close down – both of these magazines have been running for over 20 years. It’ll be sad to see them go…

Sod Redux

Ah, I’ve remembered the email and log-in for the domain that’s moved. But what a nad-up – I thought I’d got all my eggs in one basket one account with all the domain names in it, and it turns out I’ve actually got three different accounts, each with a couple of domains linked to it. Ooops.

Also, and this is where it gets really confusing for my poor inadequate braincells, the passwords aren’t what I thought they were either. The subconscious is a wonderful thing, allegedly, but when it comes to registering passwords and log-ins, it’s an absolute tosser.

Communication

Stinky is off for a week (Yay!), so I would like to apologise to the inhabitants of Toronto in advance. However, if someone could push the dirty smelly fucker into the Niagara Falls, it’d be greatly appreciated.

While he’s away though, I’ve got some webpages to write and put up on the council’s site. I’ve been given the set of pages in MS Word documents (well, in one document, to be precise) and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. So it’s going to be a fun day while I try to drain my brain and recall what was said about these poxy pages, and how they should be appearing. Or even where…

Guesting

I must be getting popular in my old age. Either that or desperate for more readers. So this week I’m also writing for Uborka along with qB. So it’s a bit of a mad week, and I’m still not quite sure what I’ll be writing on the Uborka side.

A few ideas are surfacing – slowly – so we’ll see how it goes.

Sod

As I posted a couple of days ago, I’ve been moving a domain from Easyspace to 34sp. The process has been remarkably smooth so far, except for one small roadhump. I’ve forgotten the logon/password combination for the new domain space on 34sp.com. I’ll get it tomorrow, but it’s a bit of a balls-up, and entirely my own fault. Mea Culpa, but sod, all the same.

Zero7 – Manchester Academy 1

Oops, meant to write a bit about this yesterday, but didn’t get round to it. Story of my life this weekend.

Unfortunately there’s no pictures – a) the gig was filled with lanky tosspots, and from the back of the gig, even the 10x zoom struggled to get a decent image. Stunning camera, but needed more light than the “intimate” atmosphere of this concert. Bit of a bummer, but there we go.

The concert itself was pretty stunning – utterly different to last week’s Reel Big Fish gig, in msucial style, crowd-age, lighting, atmosphere, the lot. I’m never quite sure how to sum up Zero 7 – their first album has been heard just about everywhere, from adverts to TV home makeover shows, stopping off on various soundtracks along the way, and in most pubs, restaurants, and shops at some point. It was last year’s version of Moby’s “Play” album, where everyone heard it somewhere.

And as such, the concert was more of the same. The new album has only been out for about a month, but it’s likely to end up with a similar profile – the TV producer’s favourite. Overall it was a good concert – but really nothing special. The stylre of music doesn’t really lend itself to huge lighting displays, or even domineering stage presences. A very laid back “lounge” gig, all things considered.

Mastermind

Off to see Mastermind being recorded in the BBC studios in Water Street. Then onto the Old Wellington for food. A good evening should be had by all…

Arndale

It had never really struck me til today, but shopping on a Saturday, particularly at a shopping centre like the Manchester Arndale centre really is just the scallie version of promenading. Showing off how cool, sexy and alluring you are. 4.5 carat gold, trackie trousers tucked into socks, fake Burberry, the lot.

*Shudder*

Ooops

In what can only be described as a fuck-up, Coca-Cola’s new bottled water, “Dasani” has been recalled. From its infamous “as pure as bottled water gets” slogan (and in fact it’s as pure as tap water gets too) apparently has more than the legal quantity of bromate so they’re recalling about half a million bottles.

Disturbed

I don’t know what the hell happened last night, but I think my pillows tried to attack me. Either that or it was bloody noisy outside last night.

I know I had a badly disturbed night, but when I woke up this morning one pillow was on the other side of the room, and the other was hanging half out of the window I’d left open.

Finances

Ye gods, that’s been a lot of money paid out. Council Tax, Gas Bill, two phone bills (a slight matter of one being way overdue, as explained here), and an outstanding bookclub one that I’d forgotten about. Ooops.

In addition, new business cards (another Oooops – I’d forgotten about them when I ditched the Three phone – Arse!), Mothering Sunday, mugs, books, and a thank-you pressie. As well as food/drink and changing a domain from here to here. Fairly quiet day, really.

Political

It’s one of those days/weeks/months. Stinky, the manager, is off on holiday for two weeks. Instead of reeking out the office, some 400 people will be lucky enough to be trapped in a metal tube for eight hours with him as he goes to Canada. My sympathies.

During his (much awaited) absence, Yours Truly has been delegated to take all the flak and deal with any incoming workload. All well and good, except that I’m a contractor, and the other person on the “team” (while I agree that “there is no I in team”, there is also no “fuck you” – which I believe to be a major oversight) is a full-time permanent employee of the council. Needless to say, he’s not overly happy that I get to do “da manager”‘s job, instead of him.

The next fortnight promises to be – interesting…

Yellow Brick Road

Having previous commented yesterday about various twadge-ups, the concept of drivers following a police car whose driver had left the ‘follow me’ sign on accidentally simply has to be mentioned.

Along with the word “twunts“.

Sleeeeeeeeeeep

No, it’s not getting any better. I didn’t think I’d had an overly disturbed night, but my entire body – and particularly my eyeballs – are crying out to just go home and go to bed. It won’t happen – I’ve got domestic stuff and shopping to do tonight before a houseful of people tomorrow, so that’s up the creek too. Bugger.

But oh yes, sleep is deeply appealing. Of course this also means I’ll be shattered ’til about 10pm, at which point I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, just in time for bed. I want to break my bodyclock.

Slow Day

I don’t know quite what’s happened today, but there’s very little going on at all. In fact, I almost wish I’d just stayed in bed. It would’ve been a much smarter move, all things considered.

Twadge 2

This morning I collected my ticket for the Barenaked Ladies concert in Manchester on Wednesday May 5th. It had been posted (as per usual) recorded delivery, and because my wanky postal service doesn’t deliver ’til 11am or so, I was at work. So hi-ho off to the sorting office to pick up the envelope. Grand.

Upon opening it, also enclosed with the ticket (for 5th May,let’s not forget) was a flyer for (God help us) Sarah Brightman playing at Wembley Arena. On Wednesday 5th May.

Yet again, I despair.

Twadge

I despair.

“Can you take a look at the homepage of the site?“
“Yeah, what’s the problem?“
“Well, x, y and z, but I wanted to check if your version of the internet was saying the same as mine“

Some people just shouldn’t be allowed near technology.

Diversions

Sometimes the best way to put all the other stuff on hold is to immerse myself in other things – and being a geek that normally ends up being some weird program module or similar. Today it’s been phpBB. Having recently looked at a site where the phpBB installation is – to be civil – a right twadge-up, I agreed that I’d have a look at how to get it working properly, and how customisable it was.

I downloaded it yesterday, and installed it on a client’s site (fortuitously they also wanted a set of forums/bulletin boards) in less than half an hour, including database setup, and initial user administration.

Today’s displacement activity has involved customising all of the output, eliminating stuff that’s not needed, adding in page furniture and look and feel to make the forums match the rest of the site, and a whole range of tweaks that have left me feeling bizarrely chuffed with the amount I can get done in less than 24 hours.

Crash – and rebound

OK, I’m going to close this chapter here. I’ve whinged on for long enough. As per the statement below, life goes on, and it will improve.

And yes, I do feel better for having just spouted all that lot out, rather than letting it fester. With luck, the curve will now be back in a more upwards direction, and we’ll just see where things go from here. Yes, there are some issues that need to be dealt with – but that’s for a time in the future. If I do it right now it’ll just be a case of lashing out while I’m hurting, wanting other people to hurt too – and that’s not my style. So those issues will be on hold, and will get dealt with when I’m ready. The decisions have been pretty much made, it’s now just down to communicating them. *Grin*

Crash – part 3 – the future

As Sarah so pithily puts it

Sob your heart out, but for fecks sake, it does improve.

And yes, it does – and I know it does. Not everyone’s crap, not all friends walk away, and at the end of the day, the rollercoaster rides always come to a stop, back to where they started. ‘Twas always thus.

But am I being unreasonable with those who do fall by the wayside in my opinion? Yeah, possibly. Maybe I expect them to pick up on more than they do – but is it such a bad thing to assume some intelligence, rather than assuming that they’re pig-thick and need everything spelled out? Mea Culpa, I’m atrocious at asking for help, as I wrote below. But – and this one’s a big but – all the people who know me well know that to be the case, and they also know that in all but the worst times, I’ll say “I’m OK” or “I’m fine”. To hear me say “No, I’m not doing well”, or “I’m doing badly” is/should be the equivalent of a 21-gun salute, along with flares, flags, and “breaking news” announcements. “I need to take a break, a big one” is the Lyle version of “hide all the bladed items and pointy things”.

I’m not perfect – Lord knows, I’m probably more flawed than most – and I try my hardest to not expect too much from people. In some cases, to expect anything at all. But is it not fair to at least hope that people can pick up these things, when they’ve known me for 10 or 15 years? The ones who’ve let me down this time have done so before, it’s not a “one fault and you’re out” scenario. In better days I’ve explained why I feel hurt and let-down by their prior actions – I haven’t changed the ground rules this time, yet the same scenario has played out again. How many times should I try to be benevolent and understanding that I’m not perfect on this either?

Many, many thanks to those who’ve commented – as I said before, it means more than I can say. Yes, I’ll be OK, I’ll get through it, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. The last few weeks have been a pig, and the sense of loss and let-down is still very fresh, and there are still some large repercussions that are likely to happen. But I’ll be OK, and I’ll get through the dark periods. And thank you to the people on here that I’m honoured to call “friends”

Crash – part 2

I think that the other part of why I’ve been hit so hard on this occasion by the Black Dog (Other than my occasional habit of carrying sausages in my pocket – must stop doing that) is the feeling from various sources of not even being noticed. In contrast to that, the responses from the first part of Crash have been hugely appreciated, and thanks to all who have written anything. Some of the kind words there have left me virtually speechless, and I can’t really express my thanks for them.

On the flip side of that, some of the people I’ve been closest to for years have been found to be deeply wanting this year. “Friends” who I speak to at least weekly, if not more often, and who simply haven’t noticed (or at least haven’t commented on) the descent. Some of those have crowed before that they can read me like a book, that they’re great with people and can get to the root of any problem. That their interest and study of psychology means that they’d never miss obvious signs; that they’re so “tuned in” to me (and others) that they’ll “simply know” if anything’s wrong. And while I admit I don’t normally wear my depression on the sleeve (it’s too heavy, and pulls the fabric horrendously) then equally I haven’t gone to any great efforts to conceal it. But it’s been missed all the same.

It’s something where I’m still not quite sure how to handle the situation. Perhaps the depression isn’t helping that decision either – in some ways it’s like a nagging demon on one shoulder saying “Well, they don’t really give a fuck about you, so why bother sticking around to get hurt again?” At the same time, it also says “Well, you know that people don’t really notice much outside their own spheres, so you should be more vocal when you need help” – another notch in the ego.

Admitting my truly black periods is something I’ve never been good at. Many many reasons for it, but when all’s said and done I’m either too independent, or too insecure to ask for help. I know that in the end I will deal with this period the same as I’ve dealt with all the others, without help, without exterior support – because it’s what I’m used to, I expect people to let me down, to not be there when they’ve said they will be. Part of the reason to not ask for help is because I don’t believe it will actually be there, and so asking for it is a self-negating proposition, and just leaves me feeling worse, and more let-down. Also, in my own strange brain, I don’t feel that help should be asked-for. It’s where I possibly expect too much from close friends, to hope that help would be freely-given, that it shouldn’t need to be requested. I hate asking for help, admitting that weakness that says “I can’t handle this at the moment”. With my own friends, I try to not put them in that position, I want to offer the help, relaxation, stress-relief etc., and not have to be asked to provide it. These situations are stressful enough, and people feel inadequate enough during depression and stress without having to come cap-in-hand to friends for some guidance in how to get through. Well, I know that’s how I feel, and I’d hate for those people I care about to feel in any way as low as I do when asking for assistance, for help, to admitting that I can’t fight on my own.

Yet at the end of the day, that’s what it always comes back to. Self-reliance. And each cycle of this, every time it happens, it leaves me more self-reliant. Each let-down, each sin of omission is another brick in the wall, another layer to the defences, another slice of “no-one was there for me, the only way to get through was to rely on myself”. It makes me more loath to ask for help next time, because each time I ask for it, and it’s not given, it’s just another scar to add to the collection. And frankly, I’ve got enough scars already.

Those scars, those healed-over (but not actually fixed) wounds, they’re all still there as reminders of what should have been, what could have been, but what ultimately wasn’t. (That’s lousy English/Grammar, but it conveys what I want). Luckily for the most part they’re scars on the psyche, not on the body – but there are enough that are physical, that I can see. Another form of self-harm, the compulsive picking at wounds in order to make sure they leave a permanent reminder. Each one is there for a reason, even if the original cause wasn’t particularly related.

The other really stupid thing is that in some ways this post is inherently pointless. The people I’m thinking off, for all their supposed interest in what I do and so on, don’t even read d4d™. They know of it, but (to my knowledge – I’m working on the theory that they’ve never commented about d4d™, either here, or as in “oh, I saw you say about that the other day” in conversation) don’t even bother to look at it. To some degree I find even that hurtful, that for all the lipservice paid, for all the “of course we’re friends, of course I’m interested” there’s not even the effort made to read, or bookmark.

So – do I feel bitter about that kind of behaviour? Sometimes, yes, I can’t deny it. Unfortunately that also makes me feel crap and selfish, of putting my own wants/desires in front of other peoples, but at some point logic kicks in and says “Yeah, but fuck that, you’re only human – we all want that to some degree or other“. Is it too much to ask for? To actually want (split infinitive and all) the actions to match the words? To want friends who do what they say they will? To be able to say “I’m not doing well, and don’t know if I can get through this period” without the accompanying fear/expectation of seeing those “friends” running for the horizon just as quick as they can? (Even during the writing of this, I’ve had a phone call with exactly that scenario:
“I’m doing this, I’m doing that, I’m doing the other, how’re you?“
“Not good, to be honest – hitting breaking point”
“Right, well, I’ve got to be off, people want to talk to me“)

Or is it just selfish,and I should be, if not content with my lot, then at least just more comfortable with being self-reliant, and just figuring that some of my “friend”s are just self-obsessed lying bastards?

Oh Arse

I knew there’d be something I’d forgotten when it came to swapping mobile numbers, and getting rid of the Three phone. What I’d failed to recall – and this really is a rather relevant point for it to have fallen off the back of my brain – is that all my business cards have a phone number on. Guess which one it is?

Oh absolute twadge.

BO

I’d just like to point out that today, by 9:30am, my boss stinks like a week-dead roadkill skunk.

While unpleasant (to understate the point by several orders of magnitude) I still find myself slightly in awe of someone who can smell that bad by first thing in the week. God help us all by Friday…

Sweary Supremacy

<worship>
The perfect set of swears – NOT safe for work.
</worship>

Twadge Mug

Finally, after one “lost in the post” farce, the first Twadge! mug has arrived. And reet chuffed with it I am, too.

It’s not perfect – the image for the next one will be much larger, as this one obviously had to be blown up to fit (pixellation on the diagonals of the 4 are the main giveaway) but that’s the perfectionist in me speaking. As with several of my own ideas and photos, it’s only when I point out the “defect” that anyone else really notices it.

Also, in a seperate branding-related incident, the Scary-Tshirt has arrived. Yay! So for the blogmeet in a couple of week’s time, I shall be wearing a white t-shirt with DCUK on the front. Should stand out…

Reel Big Fish / Goldfinger
Manchester Academy 1

And lo, it came to pass that it was time to attend my first gig of the year. From now, it’s utter gig madness for the next couple of months, putting the average back up to a rough parallel of last year’s gig listing. (18 or so)

Goldfinger were first up (there were two bands prior, but we didn’t get to see them, due to epic disorganisation – the same reason there’s no photos) and were pretty good, although very much a generic LA/California “punk” band. Quite fun, but nothing to write home about. As appears to be normally the case, their sound setup was OK, but not really all that great. They performed with loads of energy, (including getting the crowd to support the singer as he stepped out into the audience – brave move!) but for me ultimately this sound is becoming very formulaic again, and it’s hard to tell the difference on occasion between a variety of bands.

Reel Big Fish on the other hand are a ska/punk band, and much more fun. As soon as they hit the stage, the star quality shines through loud and clear. They played all the crowd’s favourites, and really were just bloody good. It’s hard to identify where they differ from other bands of the same ilk – I suppose the other band they resemble the most for me is Barenaked Ladies. Both seem to have a habit of dragging people up from the audience to be on stage (although this was nearly misguided when one of the brass section discovered that the girl he’d been drinking, smoking and dancing with while she danced in her overloaded bra was actually only 15), talking/chatting between band members (and to the audience) between songs (favourite line : “Look, piss off throwing bottles at me. Just because your girlfriend’s more interested in me than she is in you”) and generally carrying off the idea that they were there to have a good time, rather than just perform songs.

This appears to still be a very American/Canadian trait, most of the UK bands I’ve seen tend to be more music-oriented, and stay slightly removed from the audience. It’s just a difference in philosophies, but it makes things interesting.

Overall, a pretty good gig, and I have to say, it’s good to be back, and to come back to a decent one.

Next week : Zero 7 (caution : link only appears to work “properly” in IE)

Crash

I’ve a feeling this may be one post that doesn’t last long on the site. Then again, I may leave it here, just as a reminder. I don’t know yet. Those four words appear to be one of the tenets of the last few weeks.

There’s been a lot of stuff going on over the last few weeks. Months, in fact. Since last November/December time, there’s been a resurgence in my depression. My workload has exploded, which hasn’t helped matters – sometimes it feels like there’s no escape, that there hasn’t really been time off at all. Yes, I took time out in January – but all the same, the work was still there on the horizon, deadlines getting closer, and although I needed the space, it still wasn’t relaxing. All the same, it was needed.

But since then, it’s ramped up again. Workload is my version of self-harm, it’s the way I have of dealing with depression – or attempting to. Like self-harm, it’s a quick fix, a diversion activity. Long-term it’s ultimately unsuccessful, but still there’s the compulsion to do it.

The depression has built up further over the last fortnight or so – I don’t know why, no real clues or triggers have been present. It’s not seasonal, because the days are (at long last) getting longer again. Instead it’s just a feeling of being constantly in demand, feeling depleted because of that, and perhaps with little to no headspace. I’ve started doing something about it, removing some of the people from my Messenger friends list who have proved that any “friendship” has been one-sided. Maybe that’s nasty, to simply walk away from people, not even letting them know that I’m doing it, but there we go. Needs must when the Black Dog drives. (or rides – whichever. I can never remember that one properly)

Of course, it’s still there – it doesn’t disappear overnight, or with the application of one or two simple measures. My head is still in it’s ever-decreasing cycle, knowing that it’s depressed, yet unable to break out of the thought processes that are a facet of the depression. It’s a downward spiral – and experience has shown me many times that this spiral is one it’s better to ride than to fight. It does end, it does wear off, but if I try to derail it early, it just builds in the background, and eventually comes back far worse. It’s no fun – I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, or even on Blair – but even though at the moment I want to curl up and die (or alternatively simply destroy myself – but that’s not really an option, although it’s bloody tempting on occasion) I know that ultimately I will get through this, same as I have many times before.

And yet…

Ah yes – the flip side. I don’t like the depression – as I said, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But at the same time, it’s vicious, my words flow more when I’m depressed than they do in the normal flow of things. I can write more easily, the ideas spring out fully-fludged, and the creativity surges even while my will to live ebbs. I’m going to be using the time to work through some ideas while also still working on trying to find the balance between depression/creativity and sanity/normality. I don’t want to be like this all the time – I don’t know that I’d last a year.

I need the time out – come July, once the contract with the council is finished, I’m going to take a month out if at all possible, use it as recovery time. I want to write more, I want to see how that side of things develops. But more than anything else I just want the time out, the time to sort my head out again, to break away from this mental downward spiral. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m not going to hiate d4d™, mainly because it’s one of my connections to reality, and those are much needed right now. As for everything else, well, only time will tell.

BNL

Woo, and indeed Yay. While I know I should be cutting back on my gig tendencies ( I’ve only currently got about 8 on the agenda… ) I still have a few bands where it’s a certainty that I’ll see them advertised, and just go. One of those is Barenaked Ladies. I’ve seen them three times before, and they’ve always been excellent. I got an email yesterday from ticketline, telling me that they’re playing Manchester Apollo on Wednesday 5th May – and I’ve now got a ticket! Yay!

</livejournal>

Madrid

Oddly enough, I find it quite hard to express my opinions about things like the Madrid train bombs. I wasn’t writing d4d™ at the time of September 11th, and probably wouldn’t have said much about that either – or I’d have probably said something highly contentious about the planning, and the probable effects. I feel much the same with Madrid and the images coming from there – it’s horrendous, but I can’t bring myself to join in a chorus of shock and horror.

Obviously I’ve heard of Eta before, but I couldn’t tell you thing one about their history, objectives, or motivations. On a selfish/solipsistic side, I didn’t know anyone in Madrid, so there isn’t the personal affect there either. (and yes, for the pedants, the word ‘affect’ is the one I wanted, not ‘effect’) Yes, the events themselves are terrible, but they’re also almost certainly counter-productive to the aims of Eta, and that’s what I find most disturbing – that these 180+ lives have been extinguished for no good reason whatsoever. The only real “justification” for the event is that it’s now focussed the world’s media on Eta and it’s so-called portfolio.

The BBC has a further piece wondering who’s to blame? There’s going to be a scapegoat for this, for sure, but at the end of the day it can happen all too easily. This is where the US is still discovering problems – sure, they’ve pretty much closed the door on airline terrorism, but they’ve focussed so much on that one avenue, but this bombing could just as easily have happened on Amtrak, or anywhere else the public can go. At the end of the day it doesn’t need exotic plots or weaponry to perform acts like Madrid, or September 11th – all that’s really needed is some explosives (or even just a handgun) and believers people determined to carry out the actions to further their cause, no matter what it is.

We can’t protect ourselves against fanatics, we can’t spend our entire lives paranoid that these events might occur. They’ll happen, time and time again, because the only alternatives are thought-police, or a public utterly caged and under control, where every single movement is tracked. Blair can pledge to go on fighting terrorism in every corner of the world, but it’ll ultimately be unsuccessful – the terrorists will wise up to the various methods used to track them, and will find new ways to circumvent them. Small cells will still be able to put together events like Madrid – I don’t think there’ll be anything on the global scale of September 11th for a while now – with little communication needed outside the cell. And that’s where things like Echelon, GCHQ and the like also ultimately fail – because in a group of three to five organised individuals, there’s little to no need for extra communication. If those people have never raised their heads into the view of the authorities, then they’re not likely to even be under surveillance.

My prediction is that the Madrid bombs will be found to be caused and planned by a small cell from Eta, all people that have never previously been associated with terrorism. Their neighbours will say “they were nice quiet people, we never thought they would be involved in something like this”. That, of course, is if they’re ever found – something I have my doubts on.

World Domination

It had to happen. I’m now the proud owner of Twadge.com. No idea yet what I’m going to do with it, but yes, the domain is mine!

Bwahahahahahahaha!

150,000

I’m not sure exactly when we went past the 100,000th page (turns out it was October 6th ) impression, but the 150,000th was registered on the 9th March. How pleased am I?

Retrograde

Back at the end of September, I bought a Three phone – a Motorola A920 to be exact. This week, I’ve quit the contract, and gone back to a 2.5G phone, the Nokia 7250i.

While I liked the Motorola, the Three network itself is utterly shonky, and the way they’ve crippled the 920 is nothing short of a sin. If it had been allowed to do what it was designed for (i.e. a high-speed access phone, capable of rendering most sites through it’s Opera mobile browser, with Bluetooth and infra-red as standard ) then it would’ve been fine. Instead, Three decided to cripple the Bluetooth and IR, ringfence the internet access to solely their content, and turn a potentially stunning phone into an utter sack of shite.

That’s not to say that the phone didn’t have its problems too. The battery life was abysmal (roughly a day between charges, even if only left on standby) and since Christmas it’s needed rebooting at least once a day. Quite simply, an utterly unacceptable state of affairs. But – and this is worth pointing out – when it actually worked, the A920 is a stunning bit of kit.

For now though, I’m going to take this “backward” step. Backwards to a phone that works, that has a standby time of close to two weeks, to a network that, while shite, is still better than Three. We’ll see how things go.

Weirdness and Obscurity

Over the years, one of my favourite authors has been a not-overly-well-known writer, Jack O’Connell. He’s not written anything in about four years now, although there was supposed to be something in the offing back in 2001. I’ve been a fan of his work right back to the first novel, “Box Nine”, then through “Wireless” (my personal favourite), “Skin Palace” and “Word Made Flesh”. All deeply strange, and based around the fictional American industrial town of Quinsigamond (the town doesn’t exist, but the name does.), O’connell manages to construct not just a place, but the entire history of it, the areas, the stories behind individual landmarks and buildings, and also major events that have affected Quinsigamond, such as a pogrom in the city of Maisel (again, to my knowledge a fictional location) which brought a great number of emigrés to the town. In addition, he has an obsession with language and communication, with spoken word (in Wireless and Box Nine), visual shorthand (Skin Palace) and the written word (Word Made Flesh) and the ways it works. Intelligently written, and conveying ideas far beyond the scope of a simple “noir” novel

On a different scale, I’ve also always loved the music of Yello. Formed in 1979 in Zurich, they’ve been recording albums ever since, including last year’s “The Eye”. Every album has felt like it could be the soundtrack to a film – the album holds themes together, sometimes successfully, sometimes not so, but it’s always there, the feeling that the album is more than just ten or twelve tracks plonked together on a disc. There’s a storyline, a set of events portrayed, and done in a way that some would class as “avant garde”, others as “way ahead of their time”.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been re-reading O’Connell’s “Word Made Flesh“, the novel that I’ve always found to be the darkest and most impenetrable of the four novels. It’s a novel about insanity, obsession, the written word, the Maisel Sweep, and many other subjects besides. It starts with a breathtaking description of a man being skinned alive, and just carries on from there. However, because I’ve mainly been reading it on the bus while commuting to and from work, I’ve also had the MP3 player going, and that’s been playing Yello’s “Motion Picture” album – and the two have converged into almost a working mental film. Very very strange, and also somehow very moving.

Bizarrely Proud

In other news (and because I haven’t mentioned them in a while) I’m strangely chuffed to come up #2 in Google for “how shite are united utilities?“. (The answer, by the way, is very. I even ended up doing some work on their “Green Energy” section, and yes, they’re definitely shite.

In the more surreal searches, an AOL search for “irregular heartbeats in hockey players” manages to find d4d™, as does a Yahoo! search for “brownfield munitions risk” – not sure what that’s about, but there we go.

I’m sure there are plenty of other surreal searches that end up here, but they’re the ones my strange brain noticed today.

Return to Type

It couldn’t last.

Excuse me, is there something wrong with your bollocks? (resisting the temptation to add “and if not, would you like there to be?”)
No
Well would you mind closing your fucking legs then, so someone else can sit on that seat too?

Am I in the minority by being male, and being able to sit with my legs together, rather than with a 100° angle between them?

Irony in action

I love the story today of the twitchers who (pardon the pun) flocked to see a rare American Robin in Grimsby (you can tell that the poor sodding thing was lost, can’t you?) only to watch it get ripped to shreds by a sparrowhawk.

Absolutely hilarious.

Change of Attitude

Contrary to the impression perhaps conveyed by the post below, I’m currently trying to not be quite such a ratty twat. The last few weeks have pushed me more than usual, so some time off would be nice.

However, from the evidence of today, I should perhaps also invest in full page ads in every paper reporting this desire to have some peace, and also a full suit of armour. Or alternatively a force-field of Death Star-esque proportions.

Walking back to the office, a knobber actually collided with me. He was running for the bus, and bang, straight into me. Understandable(ish) if it were a side-impact, if one of us had crossed into the path of the other. But no, this was from behind (ooooer missus), and a direct impact. The man was just a cockhead – I’m 6’4″ish, and hardly a beanpole. I’m about as missable as, oooh, an office block, say. But no, this knobber managed to collide. It was all I could do not to kick him in the head after he’d hit the ground. There’d have been no worries about brain-damage – he didn’t fall on his arse.

Potential Merchandising – Part Three

Following on from last week’s design ideas, this one occurred today. I was going to get one done for the idiot ringlicking twunt colleague who STILL can’t add images to Word® documents, but as he’s the PR officer for the entire council, it’s possibly not such a smart idea.

But it’s still bloody tempting. Akin to a statement of “I can put an image on a mug, you can’t even put ’em in a bloody Word doc.” (Oh, and yes, the original concept had a MUCH ruder word. *Grin*)

Moose – Addition

OK, now that’s confusing. I had a card last week from the Post Office, telling me there was a package I had to collect. Wasn’t expecting anything (other than the – still not arrived – mug from last week ) I didn’t have a chance to collect it from the Post Office ’til this morning. Hmmm, large box – that’s bloody big packaging for a mug…

Of course, it wasn’t a mug. It’s a Moose. (Well, they say it’s a reindeer. But we know better… )A moose from – even more bizarrely – La Senza, and posted from Nottingham. All very strange.

But thank you, whoever sent it.

Music and Sociology

The entire of this article could be filed under “No Shit, Sherlock”.

Apparently, people like to wear music players (be they MP3, cassette (showing yer age there, Lyle) or CD) so that they can have more control of their surroundings, and also to provide an illusion of public space where really there is none. Music on earphones provides a personal “bubble” that is controlled solely by ourselves, and this helps to relieve the stress of everyday urban life.

I think that’s pretty much the précis of the article. Hands up who’d never realised that kind of thing before this academic study…

Dogs

Out of interest, what the hell gave the award to the whippet? Utterly bizarre. The Giant Schnauzer was utterly beautiful, and deserved the award. Grrr.

Revisit – Permanence pt 3

Visiting my home town is always a good way of reminding me of the stuff that really doesn’t enthuse me at all. Every time I go back, I can be guaranteed to meet various people I went to school with, ones who swore they’d leave Thame and never go back. Except it turned out to be “where their mates were” and “the place they knew best” – the massive majority of them have come back there, made homes near their parents and/or friends, and now have children who are going to the same schools their parents went to.

Fair enough – that’s their perogative, at the end of the day. For me it’s just something that appeals about as much as agreeing to receive an hourly kick in the bollocks. Sure, I can think of worse things than going back and living in my home town – but I don’t want to do those either, and given the choice, they’re all pretty much lumped together. Personally I find it virtually soul-destroying to go back, to know that nothing radical will have happened, that the town just shambles along, looking pretty, and slowly becoming a dormitory for commuters.

It’s not just Thame though – the same thing happens everywhere. It’s not just a village thing, or a town thing – even in cities there are whole family dynasties that never leave the area. Maybe it’s just the natural thing to do, that urge to stay close to family, to friends, to the familiar. Are we just really creatures of habit, and the ones who travel, who find new places to live (or at least different ones) are the exceptions, rather than the rule. If so, that’s not something that bothers me – I’m happy to be an exception.

Back when I was at school, so many of my classmates swore they’d leave and never return. Of the ones I know, or know of, there’s about ten who have actually lived up to what they said they’d do. Fair enough, one of them has helped out the average a lot, as he’s now a pilot out of Hong Kong, but the massive majority – probably 90-95% – have returned. What I find even more amazing/ridiculous is that when I see them, they don’t even appear actually to like Thame. “It’s boring, but it’s close to work”, “there’s not much to do, but my mates are here”, “I’d move. but there’s nowhere that’s better”. That’s just three quotes from this weekend – there were several others.

For me, I could never go back on a permanent basis to Thame. It’s not my kind of place at all – plus it would feel somewhat like a backward step, a retrograde maneouvre, a return to a place of history. I’ve never been any good at going backwards, of going back to places I’ve already been to, to things I’ve already done. Perhaps that’s my own character flaw – the need to do new things, rather than returning to the security of the known, the reduced risk of the previously experienced.

Nokia

It’s fascinating – why do SO many people keep that hugely annoying diddle-ee-dee diddle-ee-dee daa Nokia standard ringtone? Do they not know it’s now legally a justification for GBH, Assault, and even Criminal Damage (to whit, flinging the phone out of the nearest window) and that it qualifies under the Geneva Convention as a cruel and unusual punishment? It’s on a par with dum-dum bullets and mental torture.

Even worse – amazing as this concept may seem – is the newer polyphonic Nokia enema ringtone. Diddle-ee-dee diddle-ee-dee daa, only with knobs and bells on. And why is it that on a train, where you’re not really all that likely to miss the bloody call, and surrounded by 80 other people, is it essential to have the phone’s ringtone on maximum possible volume? Already I want to find out who owns that phone on this train carriage, and by the time I’m done with it, they’ll have to clench their arse-cheeks in order to answer the bloody thing.

Stopped in the Street

How to kill a conversation in four words.

Hello Sir, can you stop for 30 seconds to learn how to Help the Aged?

Can I suggest Euthanasia?

And before certain people go up in arms, I’d just like to point out that I don’t actually believe in it, but a) it was pissing down, b) I was in a hurry, and c) I wasn’t in the mood for dealing with bloody on-the-street fundraisers.

This weekend will be quiet

In the name of familial harmony – and the fact I haven’t seen them since December! – this weekend will be low on updates here at d4d™. I’m chez parental units, and doubt I’ll be anywhere near a PC. I’ve got some stuff that needs writing while I’m travelling (and yes, that includes emails to some people I haven’t written to this year in far too long) and so I’ll probably add some content come Sunday or Monday (depending on when I return from the wilds of the Home Counties)

In addition, I’m finally going to be able to take the A3 print down to them that I got done back in January for them. (The A2 print would have been to large to fit in anywhere properly, but I think the A3 will be about right) I just hope they like it – again, I’m sure they will, but that old insecurity bug still kicks in…

And I may even take some photos of the dump town. Woo-hoo, I bet you’re excited now…

Changes – Permanence pt. 2

Over at Naked Blog, Peter was asking about what you would shed if you could. And as part of the general existential funk that I’m in at the moment (see here for slightly more details) I’ve been thinking about some of the changes that I think I’m going to go through in the next few months.

Over the last six months or so, I’ve been feeling more and more drained, generally lacking energy or inclination. In part this has been due to the fact I’ve felt constantly “in demand” with very little self-time. Fair enough, it’s nice to be wanted, but not all the time. I need a break. More importantly, I need to look at some of the people around me, and decide whether I actually want to stay in touch with them.

During the winter the seasonal depression hit me a lot harder than normal, and I think that a fair percentage can be laid at the door of keeping “busy”. For reasons only attributable to my family’s work ethic – and general stupidity – my “busy” equates pretty well with most people’s “Stop the world, I want to get off!”, and in general I’ve now been “busy” (AKA Manic) for about six months. Again, having a hectic social life is good in some ways, but it also needs time off.

Anyway, even though I was hectic as hell, the depression still hit very hard. Throughout 2003 I had people telling me “you’re always there to listen to my problems – you know I’ll be there to do the same for you if you need it” – and towards the end of the year, I did. And of the people I did talk to, and say I was having a hard time of it, not one of them lived up to their promise. Not bloody one. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself about it – mainly because it was still pretty much what I expected – but it doesn’t make it any easier. Perhaps I expect too much from people, just to be treated in the same way I treat them.

The thing is, I still feel drained by these people. I think that the next few months are going to be a bit of a sea-change, as I move away from being always available, perhaps become a bit more obtuse and reclusive. There are some odds and sods that I want to try (Semi-related to yesterday’s question – that should keep you guessing!), and that I need the time for. (And not forgetting that bloody OU course too! Aaargh!) So yes, I think I’ll be spending some time sorting out my own life for a while, and getting headed towards things I want to do. Selfish is a new thing for me, so that might be interesting too. We’ll see.

Detection Fault

Ah, now it’s time to get the readers involved for once. It’s a simple question, but I’ve been racking my brains over it for the last week, and I’m still stumped. So, answers in the comments box to this…

Can anyone think of a UK or US TV series involving detectives/police where the main character has been gay?

I can’t. The closest I’ve really come is the gay cop in Six Feet Under – but that’s not the kind of thing I mean. I’m thinking more of the main character, similar to a Frost, Morse, or whatever, but any detective/policeperson who’s gay. Male/Female doesn’t matter, I’m just stumped…

All responses gratefully received. Bobblehats on, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

Easy Come, Easy Go

It’s definitely one of those days today. Money comes in, money goes out – this time I’ve had to pay off the finale of my council tax, following a complete cock-up by the local authority. When I moved to the new place, they sent me a notification of what I owed, and I was able to pay the entire thing at once. No worries, I’m sorted ’til April-ish.

Last week I got a letter from them saying I still owed them £100.20. A suspiciously round(ish) figure. So I rang them up, trying to find out why it’d gone up by a hundred quid, and why they hadn’t let me know ’til now.

Well, we sent you out the first bill, which you paid. However, there was a reduction on that because at the time you hadn’t moved in to the house, so once you’d moved in we put the bill up to the correct amount, rather than the discounted rate you got while you weren’t in the house. However, we realised that on that bill we hadn’t given you the single person discount, so we had to send you another notificiation, which was for £whatever, which includes that £100.20.

As for why we didn’t tell you til now, even though you paid us in one lump sum, our system runs monthly, so it’s only this month that that first payment has run out, which is why we’ve now let you know that you owe some more money

Grrrrrrrr, bloody local authorities. I sometimes wonder if their systems aren’t just designed to make life as complicated as possible, and thus justify huge numbers of bean-counters and middle managers.

Squirrel Shag Support

I saw this on the local TV news, and thought it was hilarious. The Highways Agency has created a suspended bridge to allow randy squirrels to cross a road without getting squished. How perfect is that? The branches that overhung (overhanged?) the road were all cut back by the Highways Agency, so the red squirrels in Formby, Merseyside were having to run across the road instead – and were getting squashed more often than not.

Now, they have a rope “bridge” across the road. I hope they use it, but I do think the entire concept is pretty damn funny.

Will to Live – Permanence pt. 1

Well, it’s been confirmed that my contract is being extended (again) with the council, so I’m here for another three months now. I don’t mind the work- it’s hardly rocket science, after all – and it’s been OK to work on other stuff for myself at the same time, which probably comes under the terms “getting away with murder”, or alternatively “having your cake, and eating it”.

But at the same time, I don’t really feel overly enthused about staying here ’til July. I’ll do it, no worries – but I have to say that right now I really wouldn’t have been upset at all if they’d turned round and said “Sorry, we don’t need you after the end of this contract period”. There’s been a lot of stuff going on recently, both within the council and with my own work everywhere else, and in some ways I just want to get on with it all, and get some changes under way.

Deep inside, I know a lot of the issues are to do with permanence, and the way that affects me. I’ve been here doing one contract for 11 months, and by the end it’ll now be near as dammit a year and a quarter in once place. That’s the longest time in one workplace in more than a decade. In fact, I think it’s close to the longest I’ve ever stayed in one workplace. Today’s the fifth anniversary of me moving up to Manchester, and that’s the longest I’ve lived in any one place since I was 16. It’s one of those days where I feel weighted down, where things just feel permanent. It’s not a place I like being. Something makes me think I’ll be doing some changing of stuff in the next couple of weeks.

And yes, I think there will be some more bits about Permanence over the next few days. Perhaps another aspect of this all being in my head at the moment is the fact I’m seeing my parents this weekend…

Ring of Fire

Finally, I’ve just looked at my visitors, and come across this

Sense of humour? Sponsored by Preparation H?

Potential Merchandising – Part Two

There is, however, another candidate. I haven’t ordered one, just knocked up the design. But I’m tempted…

So, if given the choice, which would you go for?

Potential Merchandising

Following on from David‘s post today about mugs with logos/banners on them, I had a look at TShirt Studio to do a d4d mug. I’ve sent off a preliminary design, so I’ll know soon enough what it’ll look like. (And yes, the idea is slightly nicked from the Scarymug, but as I designed that too, then so be it.

Shallows

Regardless of everything else, sometimes Lyle really isn’t far below the surface with me.

Today’s instance has been a case in point. Having queued in order to buy a paper, some old duffer just walks in front of me in order to get served.

Oi, there’s a queue here, you know
Well, I’ve been pushed in front of loads of times
Well, I’m sure that makes it fair, you arrogant old fucker.

I’d feel ashamed, but he was a rude bastard, and frankly, fuck that.

I should point out, that “old” is simply a statement of fact, not a pejorative. I’d have been just the same (if not ruder) if he’d been 21. Particularly if he’d had a burberry cap on.

Blockquote styling

Yes, I’ve changed the colour of the blockquote style in the CSS. Actually, it looks OK. Personally I didn’t have a problem with the purple, but apparently it messed up some people’s eyes, so in the interests of being semi-tolerant (it’s the first of the month, give me time… Exceptions, rules, and all that jazz) we’ll see how this one goes. Enjoy.

Monday Morons

Happy March. And just where have the last two months gone? Scary.

BT put me on “incoming calls only” yesterday. Nice of ’em – no warning, no messing, try to make a call, and get told that it’s been diverted to BT, and that I should call them in office hours. Yup, Monday – Saturday. Hardly guaranteed to put me in a good mood for calling them this morning. As any reader with half an IQ point will know, I don’t handle incompetence well. So I call them today.

“a) Why was my phone cut off on a Sunday, when I can’t speak to the department at all ’til Monday?
b)Why was it cut off at all?
c) Why wasn’t I warned about it, or told what the keff was going on?

Answer a)
“Our system didn’t realise it was a leap year, so it thought it was cutting you off today”
(I’m virtually speechless, but still manage a brisk “And how is that my problem?“

Answer b)
You haven’t paid your bill.
What bill?
The one you received in December.
I say again, what bill?
Well you must have received it – our system says we sent it.
Does your system check with the postman? Or send it recorded?
No
So how do you ‘know’ I’ve received it?
Well, our system says we sent it.

Answer c) We sent out a notification.
Is that the same system that sends out the bills?
Yes.
Got news – I didn’t get the reminder either, you know, for the bill I haven’t paid because I haven’t received it.
You must have received it. We sent it out.

And then they’ll wonder why people get rude on the phone to customer services. I didn’t get rude, I should point out – just queried the competence of an organisation that says “you must’ve received it, we sent it out”, but won’t accept the same reason in return when told “well you must’ve received my cheque, I posted it to you”.