Night of the Animals
Posted: Thu 16 June, 2005 Filed under: Animals Leave a comment »I’m a bit groggy today. My brain is still fine for an “at work” period, as CrapCo aren’t exactly challenging me mentally at the moment anyway. (They’re more like “mentally challenged”, but it’d be harsh of me to say so) The reason for being groggy? The bloody pets.
Psycho Cat® snores. OK, he slept on Herself’s side of the bed last night, which was a bonus as he normally wraps himself round my knees, then sticks his claws into my calf muscle if I move. Which is – to say the least – disturbing. But last night he slept on Herself’s side, but snored like a bastard all night. You’d never believe the noise comes from the cat, but it does. I know, because I’m awake to hear it, so it’s not me.
Then, come about 5am, Hound® starts up. No idea why, but I suspect it amounted to “I’m awake, so everyone else should be”. Normally this can be sorted by letting the poxy creature out of her cage/bed (she’s happy in there, it’s not cruel, nor punishment. Just a “safe place”. Mainly safe because I can’t fling my boot at her when she starts effing barking. But I digress.) and have a slash in the garden and/or a drink of water, then back in the cage and back to sleep.
Not today. All of the above, out in the garden, drink of water, back in the cage, and bark, bark, bark. Bastard. Half five in the sodding morning, and no chance of sleep. So in the end I just gave up, went downstairs again, let Hound® out of the cage again, opened the back door, and left her to it.
But by then I’m wide awake too, so I finished off the book I was reading. But right now my brain’s really letting me know it’s been up for longer than expected. *sigh*
Cat
Posted: Wed 18 May, 2005 Filed under: Animals 3 Comments »I’ve written about The Cat before. Little shitbag that he is.
Last night, we/I forgot to put the bastard’s food out. So at 5am he starts attracting attention. First of all it’s a simple meow, then it gets louder/shriller. After that he starts running along the hallway before doing an emergency stop into the carpet, which he knows makes one hell of a racket, and generally wakes me up. (if I’m honest I wake up when the little sod starts meowing, but I’m not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that) If I don’t move at that point, he’ll take a run-up along the hall, take a sharp right into the bedroom, and hurl himself at me, claws protruding. That’s a definite wake-up, but I’m not going to let that happen again.
What really gets me though is that when I do get up to put down the fuckers food, he bounces up and is all cuddly and purry, as if to say “Oh, were you up? While you’re there, you wouldn’t mind putting down my food would you? Pretty please. Pretty, pretty please.” Like he’s some innocent, and it was all the evil twin’s fault. Not his.
This morning, as revenge, I woke the little sod up twice from his bone-idle slumbers on the spare bed. I’m awake, and so are you.
Tonight may just be messy…
Little Sod
Posted: Thu 5 May, 2005 Filed under: Animals, Thoughts 1 Comment »I think that The Cat missed us while we were away last week. Since coming back, there hasn’t been a night where he hasn’t spent time snoring between us. Last night had an added joy – my leg was obviously in the exact position where the aggressive bugger wanted to sleep. Well, if it wasn’t, it certainly was as soon as he saw my leg was there.
So he decided to attack it, sticking his claws in, to get me to move. This is not an unknown tactic with The Cat. When he does it to Herself, she moves. When he does it to me, he flies. The problem with this last night was that The Cat landed on Herself. And bit her. At three in the morning. Oops.
Cat is slowly learning that I’m not to be attacked. If he does attack me, he goes flying. Not hard – but hard enough that he generally falls off the bed. This has been a learning curve for The Cat.
It’s a battle of wills. Only time will decide the victor.
Gardenage
Posted: Sun 24 April, 2005 Filed under: Animals, General 2 Comments »In today’s impressive tasklist, one achievement stands out above all others.
I broke a spade.
Yes, I actually broke the thing. Cracked the metal blade right across. In fairness, it was fairly old (about seven or eight years) and not overly strong, plus we were digging in fairly clay-y soil, but still, I’ve broked a spade. Bizarrely I’m quite chuffed about this. Although it does mean that we need to buy a new – and far sturdier – spade once we get back next weekend. It’s a hardship.
However, today we’ve also put up two fence panels plus metposts, concrete, trellis, the lot. There’s been a lot of preparation done for the week away, and now we’re both – frankly – utterly fucked.
Hound is now away for the week too, at her favourite kennel-type place, and the house is horrendously quiet without the barky little sod. Roll on tonight, and tomorrow’s travel etc.
Domestic Life
Posted: Sun 24 April, 2005 Filed under: Animals, Thoughts 3 Comments »It’s been four months now since I moved in with Herself. A third of a year. Which seems like as good an opportunity as any to take a bit of stock of how the year’s going, and how we’re going.
And I have to say, it’s pretty good. In fact, the worst aspect of the move so far has been the job – and that’s not the fault of Herself at all. I made a fairly bad decision – the job, not the move – and it’ll get sorted. Just I’m going to take my time about it this time, and not dive into another mis-placed idea about work. Don’t believe the hype, and all that jazz. I’m in the process of looking, but it’s not at the point (and quite honestly, I don’t intend it to get to the point) where “anything’ll do, so long as it’s not here”. I want to be selective, to be picky, to take on something where I’m actually going to be challenged, rather than bored and ultimately uninterested.
Domestically though, it’s all good. We’re pretty much settled, and stuff has been distributed within the space. Having a widescreen TV in the bedroom is slightly decadent, but hell, why not. Books and bookcases have been sorted out, furniture has been placed, purchased, or chucked, and really it’s all looking pretty damn good at the moment.
The animals are settled, and have decided that (for the most part) they like me. Gawd knows why, I’m dead rotten to them a lot of the time – Hound sometimes gets called Fuckface, and (to my slight shame) is now beginning to respond to it. Cat is just a bastard, but seems to like being stroked, and sleeping on my face. OK, so that’s not ideal, but there we go. Could be worse – the little sod could still be trying to turn my legs into stumps. He tried that a couple of times, then realised that when he does it, he takes a flying lesson.
Herself – as my father observed during a conversation earlier this week – appears to have the sanity gene necessary when dealing with idiots like me. She can talk sense into me, making me see that it might be a better option to cycle 4ish miles a day and let the train do the tough bits, rather than my busting a gut with the entire route from day one. My mother has the same trait when dealing with my father. It’s necessary.
I’m still a messy sod, but even the worst excesses of that are getting tamed. Obviously there are things I do that annoy her – but equally there’s stuff that annoys me. It’s a mutual thing, a development, a relationship.
And that’s the thing – it IS a relationship. We know each other so well anyway, and yet with every day or week, we know each other better. I wonder how long that can keep on happening? We’ve both got ambitions, for ourselves, and for each other, and we’ll work towards achieving them.
On current evidence, we’re doing well – coming up to being together for a year – and it looks like that’s going to be the continued trend.
Four months in, and many more to go. Maybe even a lifetime, but who knows? Who can predict?
Moggy – Finalé
Posted: Sun 17 April, 2005 Filed under: Animals, Domestic 5 Comments »Well, the cat is shaved. (And please, no jokes about shaved pussies (hello Google) – they’ve all been done already)
Not entirely, which is most disappointing – but he’s decidedly patchy. And epically pissed off. Which is why I haven’t yet been able to get a photo of the little sod’s bald bits.
Personally, I think he’d have actually looked far better just done as a poodle instead of the “hacked to death by a YTS trainee hairdresser on her first day” look that the vet has opted for. Still, the cat’s mortified by this turn of events, so I suppose it might still all turn out for the best…
UPDATED : Got the photos…
Moggy
Posted: Thu 14 April, 2005 Filed under: Animals, Domestic 4 Comments »I don’t write much about Herself’s psychotic cat. Most of the time no-one would believe the stuff the little git does anyway.
However, one thing that is beyond dispute is that this cat is a dirty sod. I’ve never seen it in a cat before,but he just doesn’t clean himself up at all. Most of the time this isn’t too bad, but come spring he goes outside and sleeps under cars, and generally ends up oily, dirty, and – frankly – bloody manky. At the moment his fur is almost in dreadlocks in places – utterly matted.
We’d made an appointment for the little sod to go to the vets and get the matted bits removed. Yes, the vets need to do it. He’s a dangerous wee beastie – the people who read Mike Ripley’s “Angel” books will understand if I say that this thing would give Springsteen a run for his money. To get sorted out he needs to be anaesthetised, and then they can trim/shave the fur.
Of course, this means that the cat can’t have food for 12 hours or so before going in – and he wasn’t in in time to eat last night before 8pm. So he’s had no food all night, and thus keeps us awake by yowling for food, plucking carpet, attacking beds, anything to get attention and thus get food. But no, we were good, and didn’t feed the annoying little sod.
By morning though, I have to say I wasn’t awake. Residue from yesterday’s joys plus lack of sleep equated with twuntdom.
I let the bloody cat out. As Scary would say, “Oh spoons“.
So we’ve now got to go through it all again tonight. I may just nail the little sod’s feet to the floor, and superglue his lips together. Alternatively, I’m going to ask the vet to shave the cat in the style of a poodle. If everyone laughs at him for three months while the fur grows again, he may learn to clean himself up…

