Da Vinci Bollocks

No, not a new recently-discovered masterpiece. Instead, the Vatican has come out with a lecture about why the Da Vinci Code is bollocks. (OK, they didn’t phrase it quite like that, but hey, artistic licence and all that)

Frankly, who cares? Anyone who’s brain-dead enough to think that The Da Vinci Code is anything other than utter shite – admittedly, page-turning shite, but utter shite all the same – doesn’t deserve to have it explained to them, they deserve to receive a tattoo on their forehead saying “Gullible Fuckwit”. Ideally written in reverse, so that it makes sense every time they look in the mirror.

The Da Vinci Code is toss. Badly-written pulp novel toss, albeit with sales figures that feature in Tom Clancy’s wet dreams. I’ve read it. It’s toss. That’s my critical opinion of it. And of Dan Brown‘s other books too. Toss. All of ’em. I’m not jealous – fair play, he’s written a pile of shit, and made millions from it. Good for him. But to start linking it with reality is the sign of nothing more than epic levels of brain injury in lots of people.

As for debunking the theories in it, or explaining where they’re wrong, well all I can say is that the Vatican really hasn’t got its collective brain round the conspiracy theory idea yet, has it? “A denial is as good as an ovation to a rumour”, and all those other bon mots. But quite honestly the more people who stand up and say “the Da Vinci Code is bollocks, and knows it”, the better. But denying it is just going to make the tinfoil-hat brigade believe all the more. I bet the bloody thing sells in its hundreds around Area 51, and at the “Kennedy didn’t really die, it was all a plot, like when they faked the moon-landings” school of bullshit, Texas.