The Lemming Advice Centre

Archive for the category “Weirdness”


Yesterday, I was a bit stumped about what to write for today – but luckily, AVG came to my rescue.

It put up a notice yesterday on my screen telling me that six of my installed programs were out of date – which is kind of a surprise, as I’m normally pretty good at that kind of thing.

Then I read the message properly…

You’ll need to click on it to embiggenify and make it properly readable – but basically, all six programs it was telling me were out of date were actually *more* up to date than the ones it wanted me to install.

So no, I don’t think I will ‘update’ them to keep my machine safe.  For fuck’s sake.

#1 Dad

Sometimes, you see something, and your brain just goes “What?!?”  (or words to that effect, but with more swearing)  Currently, there seems to be a theme connecting that with both Father’s Day and Star Wars.

Last year, we had the card with Kylo Ren…

[Spoiler from two years ago –  Kylo Ren kills his father]

This year, I’ve seen this in Sainsbury’s…

I’m pretty damn sure they haven’t seen the same Star Wars films I have…

One Minute

Yesterday, a lot of people held a one-minute silence for the victims of Monday’s bombing in Manchester.  Personally, I don’t really understand why this appears to have become one of the “done things” to do for any tragic event.

Yes, the bombing is awful, and should never have happened. The people who did it are unutterable motherfuckers, and deserve to be damned to whatever eternity their religion believes in. The victims shouldn’t have been victims, because this shit shouldn’t have happened.

But it did, and so we go on.

But what do these silences actually do? They re-focus attention on the event (but of course we’re not going to give terrorists the air of publicity that they crave, except when we then have every news broadcast for the next 72 hours focused pretty-much-purely on that event) and make people think about it even more.  But we’re not going to let terrorists change our lives, are we? Except when we do, when there are now more armed police on the streets, and even more security on the streets, in airports and elsewhere – all of which changes our lives, and makes us think about terrorism even more.

I know the silences started off from the two-minutes-silence on Armistice Day – and I’m fine with that.  But when did they become the done thing, the marker for every event?

I feel the same about the huge numbers of bouquets at the sites of deaths and tragedies.  I get that people want to voice their sympathies, but when did a bouquet and gifts become the way to do it? It’s almost enough to make you wonder whether it’s not the florist industry behind it all, in a similar way to Valentine’s Day, just to improve their own profits – but this time out of the grimness and death of others.  And the sodding cards that go with it – the ones that get read out in news broadcasts, that all seem to be suspiciously “on-message” for whatever’s been being reported.

The real start for the floral stuff seemed (to me) to be the death of Princess Diana, when flowers appeared everywhere, in true Damien Day style. Since then, they’ve accompanied every bloody event known to man.

Fine, people want to show their concerns, voice their sympathies and so on. But surely it’s better to do so with donations to a particular cause, with speaking up about (in the case of Manchester) terrorism and the like, to actually do something, rather than pay lipservice through a wallet and a minute’s silence?

Attention Span

Yesterday, there was a bundle of news coverage about Apple’s supposedly-upcoming “Cinema Mode” for iPhones and iPads as part of the next iOS release.

This will (again, supposedly) allow people in cinemas – and other darkened environments, one assumes – to check their phones without disturbing those around them, mainly through use of a ‘dark’ colour-scheme, so the display doesn’t glow like a lighthouse.

In fairness, this annoys me on a regular basis at the cinema – there’s always some fuckknuckle who wants to check stuff while ‘watching’ a film, leaving their phone’s volume up, or some other piece of vacuous self-centred idiocy. But really, a phone mode to cater for that?

It irritates me that so many people now seem to be utterly incapable of sitting for a couple of hours and watching a film. There’ve been a couple of films I’ve seen recently where it seemed like everyone else was eating popcorn (or sweets, or both) from rustling paper bags throughout the film, and/or then sodding off out to the toilet and whatever else.

As has been noted before, I really don’t understand people. I don’t get why someone would pay to see a film, spend even more on food and drink, then either not be able to sit through the film without breaks, or without checking their phones. If you’re going to do all that, why not wait til it comes out on disc/download/TV and watch at home, where you can pause, rewind etc., and not worry about missing bits while you go to drain your microscopic bladder?

Mind you, I also don’t understand why cinemas insist on putting all their food/refreshments in noisy paper bags. Surely there must be another option by now? A fabric version or similar? Or larger bags/tubs that allow hands in and out without touching the sides?

Sporting Chronoclasm

Every year it boggles my mind that this weekend seems to be All The Sport – due to some epic scheduling, we always end up having the finals of Wimbledon on the same day as the British Grand Prix.

This year, we’ve also got the finals of Euro 2016, just in case we didn’t have enough bloody sport to contend with already.

Not that I care (in case you hadn’t guessed) as I won’t be watching any of it.

But seriously, how much organisation and planning does it take, to get three major sporting events to all climax/happen on the same damn day?

Mysterious Delivery

On Monday, I came home to a mysterious delivery from Amazon.

It turned out to be a DVD box set for a British TV series I’ve never heard of (from the year before I was born) – but only the episodes that still remain, so all of Series 1, and about half of Series 2 and 3.

There was no note, no delivery, nothing.

So I’ve no idea who ordered it and got it sent to me, or why. I’ve mentioned it on Twitter and Facebook, with no responses, and so it’s all just a bit weird.


Round where I live, we have a block of six houses and another set of houses behind it, all of which are served by the same access road.

It sounds a bit mad, but most of the time it’s fine.

Our block all use a set of communal bins, as no one house has the space for their own set of bins. Which is fine. I’m usually the one to put those bins out for collection, and someone else usually brings them in.  The houses behind all have their own bins, and put them out individually, but they’re all in the same area for collection.

Over the last two weeks, there’s been a spare bin floating around. The communal bin area has its full complement, so it’s obviously one from one of the other houses – or it should be.  However, the bin has a number on it, which isn’t the number relating to one of the houses.

So, weirdly, there’s been one house at the back that hasn’t had a recycling bin for the last two weeks – I assume because it wasn’t “theirs”, as it had a different house number on.  This is particularly barking – as was the fact that they kept on then moving the bin into the (very tight) alleyway to the communal bins, and just leaving it there, like ‘out of sight, out of mind’. (Which is OK, except that alleyway is also our escape route in case of problems etc.)

All I can assume is that whoever brought the communal bins in (and they’re all just green plastic, remember) took in one from the houses behind, and left out one of ‘our’ bins as it wouldn’t fit.  And then some fuckknuckle wouldn’t take in the ‘wrong’ bin, but didn’t want it cluttering up either, so kept on ‘hiding’ it in our alleyway.

I truly don’t get the whole thing of being possessive about one’s bins. They’re bins, for fuck’s sake. We’re not paying for the bins themselves, they’re not ‘owned’ (regardless of house numbers being painted on etc.)  I certainly don’t get why you’d deprive yourself of a bin because of that reasoning…


Post Navigation