Month of the Bastard (MOTB)
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, MOTB 6 Comments »I’ve decided that for the month of March, I’m going to feed my inner bastard. Any number of things that normally get on my tits will be dealt with in a very different manner to usual. This includes, but is not limited to :
- People who have walked past four display screens telling them where the train is going, get on the train, and then ask “Is this the train for Ely / Norwich?”. The answer in March will be “No”.
- Couples walking arm-in-arm towards me and blocking the entire path, with no intention of seperating or moving, as if they’re actually physically joined at the hip. During March, I will not be avoiding them, or stepping into the road to go round them.
- In a similar vein, the chuffwit tosspots who ride their bikes down the pavement, ringing their bell so the pedestrians get out of their way. Steel-toecapped boots will be used in enterprising ways on these doughnuts during the month
- On trains, the nongs who sit in the outer seat of a pair (i.e. the one closest to the aisle) with no-one on the inner seat, then sigh when someone wants to sit in the empty seat. These people may be sat on…
Charming
Posted: Fri 23 February, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Travel 2 Comments »It’s not just me who can be charmless, of course.
On the train last night, the two people opposite me were talking about whether they’d make their connecting train from Norwich. Now, the XDA phone has it’s uses, and the mini-version of IE is one of them. So, being in a fairly mellow mood, I checked the arrival time of the current train, and when their connecting one would go.
And I let them know that they’d be OK, and would have about ten minutes between trains.
The response? Absolutely chuff all. Not a word of thanks, just a nod of the head in acknowledgement of the information.
Tossers. And then people wonder why I end up being rude to them…
Cyclist
Posted: Wed 21 February, 2007 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »Sometimes, my temprament and charm (stop laughing, you at the back) can be severely tested.
Today, walking along the path, a cyclist came up behind me, and just started ringing her bell so I would get out the way. As she eventually got past, she tutted, which following the bell is just like a red rag to a bull.
“Well, if you decided to ride in the road instead, perhaps you wouldn’t find so many people getting in your fucking way. Idiot.”
Depressingly, she didn’t answer back…
Comedy Moment
Posted: Fri 26 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism 2 Comments »Lunchtime yesterday, I saw one of the more amusing things of recent times.
Two cyclists, riding abreast so they could talk to each other, and not paying any attention to what was going on.
The innermost of the two, facing his mate to talk to him, rode slam into the back of a parked car. The car was parked perfectly legitimately, with no problem. It’s just that the cyclist didn’t see it.
He was fine. His bike, on the other hand, looked rather bent.
Sympathy was not forthcoming, from anyone who saw it.
Temper
Posted: Fri 19 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, General 2 Comments »Something that might surprise a lot of the people that read D4D™ is that on occasion I can actually be quite nice. I’ll help other people with their questions, fix techie problems, and generally be quite a decent human being.
Lunchtime today, though, was not one of those times.
I had to go into the city centre in order to pick up a couple of things, and the streets were full of twats. You know the type, people who can’t conceive that anyone else wants to walk past them at more than the snail’s pace they’ve set themselves in order to walk three-abreast along the path, with no room for anyone else. People who just suddenly stop for no good reason. People who have major ethical/conceptual problems with troublesome concepts like crossing the road, or traffic lights.
So once I’d got in, and was faced with a fuckwit on a bike who’d decided to come off the road onto the path, and block it completely while deciding where it was he wanted to go, unfortunately the inner-Touretter made an appearance…
Oi, open your fucking eyes, bollock-jockey!
I have no idea where I got the word “bollock-jockey” from, but by God it’s a good one to use.
Oops
Posted: Tue 16 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »Whoops. I think that we’ve unintentionally dropped some people right in the shit. I hope we haven’t, but well, if we have, that’s life.
Basically, one of the houses we viewed a couple of weeks ago now was fantastic. We both fell in love with it, but had some questions that needed to be asked. Questions about things like planning permission – which we’d been told had been granted to the previous owners, but had lapsed as the current owners hadn’t done anything. There was also a small matter of a shared wall that needed repairing.
So I contacted the local council, and asked them what the deal was. Oops.
Turns out the property has never had a planning application made against it – since at least the 70s. And that shared wall is – um – part of a Grade 1 listed building. In short, “Oh, bollocks”. They also dropped in the little fact – which the current owners hadn’t divulged – that there were a number of trees on the property that were covered by a Tree Protection Order (TPO)
And I’ve just had another email from the council, saying that they’re going to be sending out an inspector today, to check those trees, and the property in general. OK, that’s all well and good.
Except, um, I think that the current owners have cut down two of those trees that’re covered by the TPO. And that could drop them right in the shit, with fines of up to £40,000 if I’m right.
So we didn’t intend to drop anyone in it, but in fact we may have done so. Oops.
New Year
Posted: Sun 31 December, 2006 Filed under: Animals, Charm School, Domestic 1 Comment »
Bloody Hell, is it really New Years Eve? Maybe I’m getting old, but it really doesn’t feel like it, does it?
And chuff, that means I’m back at work in two days time as well. (Along with the rest of the world, I know, I know)
Anyway, New Year is another of those things that we don’t really do much for here. Partly it’s because we’re both fairly anti-social, and for me I just don’t see the fun in being in a pub or club with a bundle of other people just to celebrate midnight. Again, maybe I’m getting old, but New Year is just something else I’m not into. Ah well.
The other excuse, though, is a far better one – Hound. Of course, we don’t yet know what the firework situation is going to be like in the new place, but last year we had fireworks from about 6pm through ’til 2am, which meant a very stressed Hound by the end of it. And as this property is rented, well, it’s probably better that we stay in, and she can sit at our feet, or under the bed, while we just get on with it.
Other than that, though, Happy New Year, and all that toss.