Amphibian
Posted: Wed 20 March, 2019 Filed under: Animals, Charm School, Domestic Leave a comment »As we’re heading into Spring, I assume that somewhere nearby, frogs are spawning.
Why do I assume this? Because the bloody Bengal is having a field day, bringing frogs into the house.
Now, first things first, did you know that frogs scream? I didn’t, until a couple of years ago. It’s the weirdest thing/noise, and doesn’t half freak you out the first few times.
Also, I assume that they exude something on their skins that tastes really nasty – so most of the time, the Bengal brings the frog through the cat flap and just goes “Ptuh!” and spits it out in the kitchen. She then stands around licking her mouth/face, watching the frigging thing crawl and hop around.
Sometimes she then ‘plays’ with them, and I’ve come home a couple of times now to frog bodies with catastrophic damage, but that turn out to still be alive (or at least still with plenty of automatic twitch responses – I’ve not wanted to study too closely) and need to be removed from the house.
Cats. They are just such a joy to have around the house…
Twelfth Night
Posted: Mon 7 January, 2019 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Festering Season, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »
Unsurprisingly, today is probably my favourite day of the Festering Season™
All the real Christmas trees are down, and waiting by the bins for collection, all the lights and decorations are down, and even the radio is back to playing normal music instead of being bloody carols all the time.
I know I’m a grumpy bastard, but getting rid of all the tat for another nine months is A Very Good Thing.
Saturday – Slow
Posted: Wed 16 August, 2017 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, D4D™, Domestic, Health, London, People, Sweary, Thoughts, Travel 1 Comment »While I was walking in London two weekends ago, I posted a ranty bith on Facebook, asking
HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE, WALK AND THINK SO FUCKING SLOWLY, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE?!?!?
To which Gordon asked how I live with being so irrationally angry to others. The answer to that ended up as a bit of a rant, but was still absolutely true, and I thought I’d add it here as well, rather than losing it to the vagaries of Facebook.
That answer was this…
In fairness, my friend, if any of them had any awareness of what was around them, I’d be fine.
I fully acknowledge I walk a buttload faster than most people, and think/move/avoid at similar pace. I take on at least 90-95% of the responsibilities for getting out the way, and for understanding/accepting that difference.
All I ask – well, hope for – is for people to have the ability to see this fast-moving juggernaut of a human being, AND NOT WALK AT ME.
Fair enough, I’m enough of a fat bastard that I obviously create a gravity well and people just fall at me. I get that, I accept it. But they could make a bit of sodding effort.
It’s not even like I’m hard to see. But still these motherfuckers walk at me, stop in my path, decide to suddenly stop and take selfies (which is how I’ll end up on fucking Crimewatch, I just know it) or just look me dead in the eye, stop, and see what I’ll do, like they’re expecting me to slam into them.
So yeah, if there were even a smidge of acknowledgement, avoidance, observation, or even just a conscious fucking thought, I’d be fine.
But no. None of it. So you get the rants.
All told, it was a bit of a throwback to the D4D of old…
Bad Headline
Posted: Wed 2 August, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Media, News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »One of my free local papers had an interesting front-page headline this week. It does seem a bit specific (and somewhat prophetic) though – I mean, if they already know that someone else will die within the week, wouldn’t you think they’d add in more guards, or make the area a bit safer during that time?
(And yes, I know what they meant to say – but it’s not what it actually says! Or at least it’s rather more open to interpretation, anyway)
Unintentional Racism
Posted: Wed 12 July, 2017 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »Yesterday, an MP got suspended for using ‘a racist term’ in public, while talking about Brexit.
Anne Marie Morris, the MP for Newton Abbot used the term “n****r in the woodpile“, in a similar context to ‘the elephant in the room’ – i.e. something that shouldn’t be discussed, but needed to be.
Her excuse afterwards was “The comment was totally unintentional.” – which is what I have an issue with.
You see, if a comment like that, with such a loaded word – and particularly if you’re also a politician, and thus likely to be recorded on everything you say, for fuck’s sake – then I agree, it probably was unintentional. As in “not thought about”.
But really all that tells me is that it’s likely that such words and attitudes are part of her everyday life, thoughts, and experience. And that’s where the story should really be – that she perceives these words and phrases as ‘normal’, that they’re something that’s part of her unconscious thoughts and speech.
It’s not “I used the wrong phrase”, or “I mis-spoke”. It’s just “unintentional” – used so normally it wasn’t even worthy of a thought.
I can (sorta kinda) live with people who use racism intentionally. They’re at least voicing an opinion – albeit one I don’t like – and a mindset that goes with it.
But unintentional and unconscious racism? That shit’s pernicious, because the people who do it don’t even realise it’s bad…
Attention Span
Posted: Thu 5 January, 2017 Filed under: Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Domestic, Films, People, Seeing Films, Technology, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Yesterday, there was a bundle of news coverage about Apple’s supposedly-upcoming “Cinema Mode” for iPhones and iPads as part of the next iOS release.
This will (again, supposedly) allow people in cinemas – and other darkened environments, one assumes – to check their phones without disturbing those around them, mainly through use of a ‘dark’ colour-scheme, so the display doesn’t glow like a lighthouse.
In fairness, this annoys me on a regular basis at the cinema – there’s always some fuckknuckle who wants to check stuff while ‘watching’ a film, leaving their phone’s volume up, or some other piece of vacuous self-centred idiocy. But really, a phone mode to cater for that?
It irritates me that so many people now seem to be utterly incapable of sitting for a couple of hours and watching a film. There’ve been a couple of films I’ve seen recently where it seemed like everyone else was eating popcorn (or sweets, or both) from rustling paper bags throughout the film, and/or then sodding off out to the toilet and whatever else.
As has been noted before, I really don’t understand people. I don’t get why someone would pay to see a film, spend even more on food and drink, then either not be able to sit through the film without breaks, or without checking their phones. If you’re going to do all that, why not wait til it comes out on disc/download/TV and watch at home, where you can pause, rewind etc., and not worry about missing bits while you go to drain your microscopic bladder?
Mind you, I also don’t understand why cinemas insist on putting all their food/refreshments in noisy paper bags. Surely there must be another option by now? A fabric version or similar? Or larger bags/tubs that allow hands in and out without touching the sides?
So Here It is
Posted: Fri 23 December, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, Introspective, Personality, Thoughts Leave a comment »And now, the Festering Break begins. Not that I’m taking much of a break – that’s not even a surprise these days – but still, it’ll be four days of doing very little. And I’m OK with that.
As it turns out, the entire Festering Season thing hasn’t annoyed me too much this year. Sure, it’s got the standard annoyances and irritations – the same old, same old adverts on TV that you can’t miss for a good couple of months, the inane bollocks that shops do (filling the shelves with tat, blah blah blah) and so on, but that’s all pretty much par for the course.
What’s different, and has been for the last couple of years, is that I have less and less people trying to tell me how I should feel, or how I should be, around the Festering Season. I’m rotten at doing (or feeling) what I “should” do at any given time anyway, but for some reason this Season always exacerbates that, with people telling me I “should” be more festive, or “should” decorate my office, or “should” do a Christmas meal/party with clients, and any number of other things that I should be doing, because ‘everybody else does it’.
So it turns out that really, my enjoyment (or at least tolerance) of the Festering Season is more than a little dependent on (and inversely affected by) the number of people who feel it’s their place to tell me what I should do or feel in that season.
This year, far fewer people have done it, so conversely I’m OK with the season. More or less.
It’s Begun
Posted: Wed 9 November, 2016 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Cynicism, D4D™, Festering Season Leave a comment »So here we are. Not even ten days into November, and the run-up to the Festering Season is fully underway.
The Christmas adverts have kicked in- and the ‘event’ ones like John Lewis etc. will be launching over the next few days.
The supermarkets have got all their tat out already, the cards, mince pies, chocolates etc., and even the fucking Christmas trees in the entrances, for shit’s sake.
Of course, the TV schedules are filling up with the standard reality TV run-ups, the BBC’s “Strictly” and ITV’s “X-Factor”.
Seven weeks or so to go, and it’ll be over for another nine months or so. In the meantime, D4D will be brought to you courtesy of the words “For”, “Fuck’s” and “Sake”. As usual.
Speed Walking
Posted: Wed 29 June, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Day Trips, Health, London, People, Public Transport, Thoughts, Travel 1 Comment »With last week’s time in London, I did a lot of walking (as usual)
On the conference days, I was getting in to London early (before the main rush hour kicked in) and then had the option to grab a tube down to Charing Cross and walk from there to the venue, or say sod it, and walk the whole thing from Euston to Westminster. (And then back in the evening, of course)
The first day, I opted for the Tube down, so I was there in plenty of time. That was easy, and once we were done for the day I walked back up, feeling the need for movement, having been sat for 95% of the day – I needed that walk! For the second day, I walked down in the morning, and back up once we were done. And finally, on the Saturday I walked down, but grabbed the tube back up to Euston, as it was late and I didn’t fancy waiting for the final Train of the Damned.
But on each of those longer walks, I kept finding myself thinking about other people, and just how slow they are. And wondering just how people manage to live so slowly.
I walk fast, I know. Well, to me I walk at normal speed, and everyone else is just Slow – but I know that really means I walk fast! I consistently average at least 4mph – even when I think I’m dawdling along, knowing I’ve got plenty of time. Indeed, when I think I’m dawdling and going slow, I tend to be walking even faster than usual. But that’s just another weirdness of self-perception.
Regardless though, most people are just Slower. In pace, but also in reaction times – even when they look directly at me, they don’t seem to realise the speed I’m going, and still drift out in front of me, or just stop to do something else, or whatever. It’s amazing in many ways – not least that they’ve definitely got no concept of momentum and inertia, of what’ll happen if I do decide to keep going, and walk into them rather than permanently being the one to avoid, dodge, and get out of their way. By any stretch of the imagination, I’m a FMFB and could easily damage just about any of them, simply through colliding at speed.
Anyway, it always surprises me a bit, just how slow the people around me are. It gets tiring to keep on avoiding people, swerving and carving through crowds of slower people who don’t even realise I’m blasting through until I’m already past, staying aware of everything around me (including traffic when I have to go into the gutter to get past a whole pavement-width crowd of plodders) and all the possibilities.
It makes me wonder just what my speed would be in empty streets, to be honest. Although I do also speed up when I get annoyed by people, so it’s possible it would stay about the same.
Anyway, it meant I did a lot of walking over the last week, which is never a bad thing.
Squelchy
Posted: Sun 19 June, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Health, Thoughts Leave a comment »It’s been another quiet week round here – mainly because of a truly vicious dose of self-inflicted food-poisoning. Admittedly, some of that is also because I’ve pretty much given up on daily updates/posts these days – but for purposes of this post, it’s the food-poisoning.
It’s my own fault – the chicken I’d cooked for the proper time etc. turned out to be slightly less done than it should’ve been, and I tempted the gods of shit and puke by thinking “Oh well, I’ve eaten some of it already, I’m sure I’ll be fine”. Oh how wrong I was.
Wednesday evening I was at a tech event, and felt rotten. I left early, went home, and was in bed by half-eight. It wasn’t a great night, with the combination of regular wake-ups due to sharp belly-ache, and ended up puking what felt like half my body weight at about 4am.
Thursday was pretty much a write-off, and found me hugely sleepy. And, safe to say, squelchy.
That situation hung around through Friday, although I was doing better until the evening when we had a real resurgence through into Saturday morning.
Since then, it’s been improving – I was out on Saturday anyway, and Immodiummed myself to the eyeballs, and got through that event, came home, and squelched again.
Thankfully, today has been better, with no incidents to report – we may actually be through it now. I certainly hope so – this week’s a busy one, and I can do without being incapacitated for any of it!
Stating The Obvious
Posted: Tue 26 April, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Sweary, Television Leave a comment »Why is it that on just about every TV competition show – X-Factor, Masterchef, Bake Off, whatever – when it comes to the semi-finals, one of the hosts always has to say
Any one of these people could win it
Of course they fucking could, they’re in the semi-sodding-final. Stop stating the bloody obvious, you fatuous bollocks-spouting cretins.
Negative Company
Posted: Tue 5 April, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Day Trips, Domestic, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »On Sunday, I travelled down to Reading, lending immoral support to a friend who was running the Reading Half Marathon. (and did bloody well!) It was her first time running it, and I was at the end of the last hill of the run, on one of the main junctions. As it was, I got to stand next to a couple who were the most unremittingly negative people I’ve listened to since my grandparents were around. *Everything* was bad. (I bet they read the Daily Mail. And agree with it)
Highlights were :…
“Well, I won’t be pleased for her if she’s running it this slowly” and “These people in fancy dress are just detracting from the seriousness of the race” Yes, they seriously said that – and with no sense of humour whatsoever.
However, my absolute favourite was her saying to him “What’s the next time marker?” and he responded “The last one was 1hr 55, so the next will be 1hr 60” (or two hours, as it’s known to most sane people) and said in all seriousness, not a stupid comment like I’d do. Pompous bellend.
The finale was when other people appeared and stood in their oh-so-precious sightline, to which he tutted loudly, and complained (loudly) about how some people were so selfish, it was outrageous, just turning up and standing in front of others. (Bear in mind that they could’ve moved forwards too, due to there being loads of room. But no, that would’ve been far too understanding)
I think my “muttered” comment of “Well, you could always fuck off” may* (*bloody well was) have been heard, as they tutted and sodded off quite soon afterwards.
Leap Day
Posted: Mon 29 February, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School Leave a comment »It’s February 29th, Leap Day
Only four years ’til the next one…
February
Posted: Mon 1 February, 2016 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Marketing, Valentine's Day Leave a comment »And lo, already we’re a month through 2016. How time flies when you’re having fun, and all that rot.
Of course, with it being February we’re now going to be pummeled for the next couple of weeks about all the romantic shite you can do on the 14th – and on no other day, according to marketing twerds – and all that gubbins.
I’m still really tempted to book a table for a meal, and then go on my own, looking really sad as if I’ve been dumped or the other person hasn’t made it, and just generally messing with the whole thing for everyone around me…
Desperate and Gullible
Posted: Tue 26 January, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Marketing, News, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »It was interesting yesterday to see the BBC’s piece about the growing prevalence of ‘online rental fraud’ – basically, where a fraudster/criminal advertises a rental property for a great price, and people then pay a deposit for it without ever seeing the property – because it’s a great price in a sought-after area.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yep – the fraudster doesn’t own the property, doesn’t represent the agents, and has no real connection to it at all. They’ve just grabbed photos, submitted the ad, and then people pay the ‘deposit’ into an account named by the fraudster.
Now, while I think it’s pretty scummy, I can’t help but also see it as more of an idiot tax. You’ve got to be pretty desperate – and pretty fucking dim – to put down money without seeing the place you’re renting, particularly without ever meeting an agent/agency/landlord etc. I know that these people are good at getting people to believe they’re valid, and that there’s this urgency – but really, it’s still taking advantage of people too dumb to look at a deal and think “what’s wrong with this picture?”
Maybe that’s harsh. Maybe not. For me, it’s hard to feel real sympathy for someone who just leaves themselves open to this sort of shit. Take a look at what one victim says in the article…
[He] said: “I was willing to take the flat without a viewing based on the location, just on the price of it.
[I felt] anger, disgust, I was really disappointed. I was thinking, ‘Wow I’ve spent money I couldn’t afford and what’s happening to me right now? I’m in a nightmare and I can’t wake up’.'”
I think the worst part, probably, is that now it’s been mentioned by BBC and on TV, it’s something that other scammers will look at and thing “Oooh, that’s a good idea”, so it’ll become even more prevalent…
Picked Up By The Fuzz
Posted: Fri 9 October, 2015 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Driving, Food, Milton Keynes, People, Weirdness 2 Comments »Last night, while driving home from a meal, I got stopped by the police. The conversation was kind-of entertaining…
“Hello sir. Do you know why we’ve stopped you?”
“Well, it’s half nine on a Thursday and there’s been football and rugby on, so I’m guessing that you think I’ve been drinking, because I’ve taken two roundabouts absolutely correctly, which is something that no other sod in Milton Keynes ever does”
“Yes, sir. You’re driving carefully and trying to not attract attention, so we think you might be over the limit. When did you last have a drink?”
“Ummmmm. June?” (I’ve since realised I had one in September, but hey ho)
“OK, can you blow into this device please”
“Yeah, no worries. I should warn you though, I’ve just eaten a brutally spicy curry, so it might melt the little plastic tube”
I blew an absolute zero – same as I have on the other two occasions I’ve been breathalysed. And the tube didn’t quite melt, but it was close. I’ve also now recommended the curry place to the local police, which has to be a good thing.
However, I can’t deny that it does gall me slightly that I’ve now been pulled over twice in my driving history – and on both times, it’s been for driving properly and to the limits/conditions, rather than anything that’s actually wrong to attract attention.
Shoe Issues
Posted: Mon 24 August, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health, Milton Keynes, Stupidity Leave a comment »Since doing the 10km walk for Marie Curie, my feet have been having some issues, which have been no fun.
In the preparation for the walk, my feet had gained some hard skin areas, which – like a twat – I’d picked apart. To stop them from hurting or getting worse on the walk, I put on a couple of blister plasters – whose glue melted off during the walk, and actually caused the blisters I ended up with. Oops.
The blisters cleared up and healed quickly, but left some weaker spots of skin, which have then been a bit of an issue.
Basically, the Cat boots I’ve had this year haven’t been anywhere near as good as usual, and the lining had dissolved in places – again, causing blisters in the bits that rubbed, and those weaker spots of skin. Because I’d bought them from Schuh, I was able to take them back to the store, and they’ve exchanged them for a new pair without question – which is pretty stunning customer service, in my opinion. However, because they’d died, I had worn an older pair for the day – and that exacerbated the problem tenfold.
Because I’m an idiot – so I’d walked a lot in those old, old boots, with their worse wear. I didn’t think anything of it ’til the end of the day, when I got home – at which point I had blood-filled blisters on blisters. Pretty skanky, and very sore. As a result, yesterday I spent the day doing amazingly little, and just giving my feet some recovery time. Which seems to have been a fairly good plan, all things considered. I didn’t even do half my normal walking for the day – which I feel bad about, but at least it was for a vaguely good reason.
All this has been within a couple of weeks – it’ll all heal, but it’s been a painful time because of my own stupidity (and some ropy build quality along the way).
So really this post is just a reminder to future me to not be such a fucking idiot, and to take more damn care of my own feet.
And that’s it.
Where There’s A Will
Posted: Tue 28 July, 2015 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Legal, News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »In the news today, there’s a lot going on about the person who’s managed to get her mother’s will overturned, and thus inherit a third of the money from it, despite the mother’s written explanation of why she didn’t want her daughter to get anything.
Personally, I find this kind of thing deeply unpleasant – not least for the greed it shows, and the all-round contempt for final wishes in this case. I think if a will has been made out with certain intent and intentions, that’s what should happen.
As it is, in this case the person is going to use the proceeds (although what’ll be left after legal costs is another question) to purchase their house from the local authority, which appears to have ‘always been what was intended’.
And – again, personally – that’s what drives me crackers, that expectation of (and reliance on) inheriting money, and even making plans for the money that will come when parents die. I’ve known a few people of similar mindsets over the years, and it always leaves me cold, that whole “Well, when they’ve died we’ll be able to [x]” attitude. It’s just unpleasant.
I know parents die – it’s a logical assumption that they will do so. But counting down the days ’til it happens, effectively looking forward to them dying, that’s just wrong. (Again, and as always, in my opinion)
As and when my folks go, I would hope that their will says “We’ve spent the lot, and anything else can go to the cats home”. I’d be fine with that – and you can be damn sure I wouldn’t be fighting through the courts because it was “unfair”.
Grrrr, People. They really do piss me off sometimes.
Average Speed
Posted: Tue 2 June, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, Driving, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »[No, for once this isn’t about the fuckwits who can’t drive properly with average speed limits/cameras on the M1]
A couple of times in the last week, I’ve witnessed something a bit different when following other drivers on the more rural roads around me. It’s people who seem to stick to a speed, regardless of what’s going on around them.
There’s a few winding roads near me on key routes – A-roads to get me to see the parents, for example. They’re decent roads, but with absolutely no way to safely overtake when you’re following a fuckwit, crane, HGV etc. – which can make those roads… somewhat wearing.
In this case, I was behind a silly bastard who was sticking to 45mph like shit to a blanket. The road is national-speed-limit, and perfectly doable and safe at 60mph, but no, 45 it was. Then we get to a village on the road, the speed limit goes down to 30 (for good reason – it’s good a big-ass set of bends in the middle, as well as everything else) including the flashing warning signs if you exceed that. But no, silly bastard still sticks to 45. So we’ve gone from too-slow to too-fast, without him moving a muscle. That takes some skill, I suppose.
I’ve seen a couple of other drivers since with the same mind-set, and it’s no less frustrating or weird when you see more than one person doing it.
What I can’t work out is whether it’s pig-headedness (“I’ll get where I need to go at 45, it’s a fine speed”), ignorance (“I don’t care about anyone else, I’m going at my speed”) or just a complete lack of awareness of their surroundings, so they don’t even see the signs, or the line of cars in the mirror.
I just don’t know. They’re bloody scary to follow though…
Self-Inflicted Damage
Posted: Wed 13 May, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Sport, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »[Note : As always, I don’t actually give a shit about sport/cricket – I’m more interested in the mindset beneath it in this case]
Over the last couple of days, the news has been full of bloody Kevin Pietersen throwing a strop about not being allowed – yet – back into playing cricket for England.
Apparently a while back it was…
suggest[ed he] could add to his 104 England caps if he joined a county and scored enough runs to merit a recall.
(Quote from the BBC story)
Pietersen did this, and fair play to him. Earlier this week, he scored a personal best innings, something like 350 not out. So he’s assumed that on that one showing, he should be allowed back into the England team.
He met Andrew Strauss – the new ‘director of cricket’, apparently – who said there was no chance this summer, and that some people didn’t trust Pietersen. Which is also fair – Pietersen’s always been an asshat.
But now he’s thrown his toys out the pram about it, and has written about how he feels ‘deceived’ and so on in his column in the Telegraph.
Really, all it seems like is a whining brat. Yes, he’s done what was asked, and had one excellent innings. But that doesn’t make a team player, and doesn’t mean he has to be immediately accepted as part of the England team.
Indeed, if anything is now going to make sure he doesn’t get back in, I’d say it’s his own behaviour in this. (Of course, he won’t see it like that, because he’s perfect and no-one else is. Rah rah rah. Standard asshat behaviour) I would’ve said he might have a chance if he continues to excel at county level – the same criteria as could be applied to any other up-and-coming player.
But really, how can you trust anyone who throws their toys out like this at any opportunity? When they decide to destroy their own chances and credibility, in a fit that looks more like the act of a stropping toddler kicking their feet and screaming in a supermarket than one of someone wanting to play for – and thus represent – a country’s cricket team?
Overtaking – On the decline
Posted: Thu 16 April, 2015 Filed under: Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, People, Thoughts, Travel, Weirdness 2 Comments »Over the last few weeks of driving, I’ve been noticing more and more that other drivers seem to be quite averse to overtaking, even with miles of clear and visible road ahead. I don’t quite know why it is – maybe it’s about how generally risk-averse we’re becoming – but it’s bloody annoying.
I do overtake – so long as it’s safe, and the road is clear. (That should go without saying, but still) But I now seem to be in the minority.
Of course, the irony is that when you’re then on a multi-carriageway road, every single one of those motherfuckers is sitting in the outside two lanes, overtaking fuck-all. But I digress.
The thing is, if you’re behind five or six – hell, even two or three – vehicles who aren’t overtaking whatever’s holding everyone up/back, then my own overtaking manoeuvre becomes difficult, if not impossible. So you just end up sitting there, because no-one else is prepared to do anything.
It’s an odd state of affairs – and sometimes bloody annoying. But there’s not a lot that you can do, except accept that it’s just going to be one of those days…
April 1st
Posted: Wed 1 April, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, D4D™ Leave a comment »And so, another International Day of Japery and Shit Tricks/Jokes/Pranks.
Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Normal programming will be resumed tomorrow.
Knackers
Posted: Tue 23 December, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Festering Season, News, People Leave a comment »Among the things that have amused me today, the image on this BBC story about German Christmas Markets made me chuckle.
After all, how many times do you get to see the word “Knacker” on the BBC? And particularly in connection to the whole Festering Season…
Knackers to German Christmas Markets
It probably says a lot about my mindset that it was the word ‘Knacker’ that I noticed first out of the entire thing…
PetStore Humour
Posted: Sat 20 December, 2014 Filed under: Animals, Charm School, Domestic, People 4 Comments »This week I needed to sort out one of the regular bulk purchases of cat litter and cat food sachets, so it was time for a trip to the local Pets at Home. (I’m sure there’s places that’re slightly cheaper, but Pets at Home is fine for my purposes)
Once I’d got the necessary items – plus a new scratching post – I stopped to have a look at the rabbits and hamsters – no particular reason, just had a look before getting to the till.
One of the store assistants came up, and asked “Are you looking for anything special”. And oh dear, my mouth went into action before my brain.
“No, not really. I’m just seeing if anything appeals as a Christmas Meal treat for my cats”
The look of utter disgust on her face should leave me ashamed, but actually it was just funny as chuff.
Christmas Parks
Posted: Mon 24 November, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Stupidity, Sweary Leave a comment »I don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.
This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen
But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.
Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.
People Carriers
Posted: Fri 4 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Travel 1 Comment »As has been noted before on here, I do a fair amount of driving on any given week, mainly for commuting. It’s about 400-500 miles per week at the moment – although I’ve had greater mileages, and lesser ones.
One of the things I notice during those drives is how drivers do seem to group up, and that certain groups are infinitely worse than others. There’s always the usual culprits – BMWs, Audis, and White Vans, but there’s another one I notice more over time. MPVs, or people carriers.
I don’t know if it’s because BMW et al don’t actually do people carrier vehicles, but it does seem that MPV drivers are on a par with BMW drivers. In particular it seems that Citroen Xsara Picasso (now renamed the C4 Picasso, I think) are a breed of shit drivers. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen these vacuous bell-ends approach roundabouts in the wrong lanes, cut across lines of traffic, cruise across busy roundabouts, stick their cars into the flow of traffic, weave across multiple carriageways, and generally act like cunts.
So yes, welcome to the ‘shit drivers’ group.
- BMWs and Audis
- White Van drivers
- MPVs – and Picasso drivers in particular.
Pheasant Terrorism
Posted: Wed 26 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, News, People, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »Some days I pretty much despair of the human race. (OK, OK, most days. Nearly every day.)
Yesterday’s example was caused by this story in the BBC about a pheasant ‘terrorising’ people at a farm in Cambridgeshire.
From the story…
A delivery driver was trapped for 20 minutes after the bird blocked his way, flew at the bonnet then chased his van.
“One young girl was having her first driving lesson on our land and could not move the car because the pheasant would not leave it alone.”
“I don’t think we’ll see our delivery driver for a while either,” Mrs Hamilton added.
I’m sorry, but if you’re in a vehicle, and being ‘terrorised’ by a pheasant then
- You’re a pathetic wanker of the first order
- YOU’RE IN A CAR. Run over the sodding thing. Job done.
Wunch
Posted: Fri 28 February, 2014 Filed under: Charm School, Writing Leave a comment »I’ve been made aware today of the perfect/correct terminology for a collection of bank people.
It’s a Wunch.
Meaning you can describe a crowd of bank people as a Wunch of Bankers.
You’re welcome.
The Writing On The Wall
Posted: Tue 21 January, 2014 Filed under: Charm School, People, Travel, Weirdness 2 Comments »Every so often I have to use a public toilet – and every time, my mind boggles at people.
Primarily, I really can’t understand the entire thing of writing numbers on the walls of the cubicles. I know the history of it, and the reasons, but times have changed – so does anyone ever actually call those numbers or make contact that way? I find it pretty unbelievable, to be honest. And even less so when it comes to those ones that say “Meet me here at 7pm on a Tuesday” – really? I just don’t believe it.
The other thing that boggles me is the state some people leave the bogs themselves in. I don’t know if they leave every shitter in the same way, or just leave public ones like it because there’s someone else who’ll clean it all up. But either way, it’s vile when you walk in to be greeted by piss on the walls/floor/seat, and even worse when the bowl is covered in a haze of shitty lumps. And of course there’s also the fuckers who leave a turd in the bowl unflushed , as if to say “Look on my mighty works, mortals, and despair!”
Finally, there’s the ones who cover the cubicle in bog-roll, although that is somewhat less offensive. (At least assuming it’s not used bog-roll, of course) Mind you, even then you can also end up with the dickweeds having also blocked the entire thing with bog-roll too, which just leads to overflowage and sharing the vileness.
It’s not everyone, of course. But there do seem to be a percentage of people who feel that all of this stuff is acceptable, because every time I go to a public toilet, there’s some remnant from some other dirty bugger.
I despair of people, I really do.
New Year’s Eve
Posted: Tue 31 December, 2013 Filed under: Change, Charm School, Cynicism, Festering Season, New Year, People, Resolutions, Thoughts Leave a comment »Unsurprisingly, I don’t really do New Year’s Eve. Partly it’s that whole “Everyone else does it, so I don’t” thing I’ve written about before on here, but primarily I just don’t quite get the whole concept. OK, we go from [old year] to [new year]. Big whoop. I get it – or at least more so – with birthdays, the anniversal thing of being another year older. (Or, more pessimistically, the celebration of having got through another shit year) But celebrating a new year leaves me cold – let alone the whole ‘resolutions’ thing.
I suppose it makes sense in a “The new one will be better than the old one” spirit of hope and optimism over [x] years of experience, although one assumes that leaves most people really quite disappointed.
I’ve never been a fan of it though – I did too many New Year’s Eves working in pubs, dealing with pissed idiots singing “Auld Lang Syne” and being all ‘love thy fellow man’ at midnight, and kicking the shit out of each other by quarter-past. New Year’s loses its happy glow when you’re sat (for the third year running) waiting for an ambulance by half-past.
I know, I’m a grouchy old sod. I accept that about myself, and try to stop it from affecting others, and their decisions.
All the same, I’ll be quite contented tonight to be at home, just doing my own thing.
Have a good one, wherever you are, and whatever you choose to do.
Marketing/Branding Bollocks
Posted: Fri 13 December, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, Design, Marketing, Sweary, Thoughts, Work-related Leave a comment »According to this article, Pantone (they’re ‘the colour people, don’t’cha know?) have decreed that this purple is “the colour of 2014”. (And fuck off, Americans, it’s ‘colour’, not bloody ‘color’)
Now, I like purple as much as the next person – I’d go so far as to say it’s probably my favourite colour. But
- This is not proper purple. It’s a kind of wanky lilac, at best. Hell, they’ve not even called it Purple – it’s “Radiant Orchid”, which might as well be a name made up by Dulux.
- You know, there are people who get paid for coming up with this kind of shit
- And there are people whose job it is to come up with names for paints. I truly hope they feel fulfilled and happy in their work. I’d want to be killing people.
- How the blue, blazing, fiddly fuck do you have a “colour of the year”, for shit’s sake?
All told it’s just marketing bollocks of the highest order.
Festerous
Posted: Thu 21 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, D4D™, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Shopping, Thoughts Leave a comment »This year I’m trying hard to not get ranty about the Festering Season – which is no mean feat, I can assure you. (I’ve also just discovered that I’ve not used that Scrooge image for nearly three years in a Festering Season post, so welcome back owd fella)
After all, my local Tesco Tosspots had Christmas Cards on sale at the end of September, for fuck’s sake. They’ve had mince pies since August, but I didn’t even bother getting any photos of those.
Since then, it’s just been going on and on. Their tree went up (fully decorated) before Hallowe’en was done. The foodstuffs have been in since November 1st.
I know shops need to have the time to sell all their festive shit. I suspect that they’re also stretching out the season ‘because of the financial climate’, allowing their customers to spread the cost of the Festering Season over greater time, rather than being crippled in December. I get that, and I don’t mind. (Too much)
It still narks me that everything is so obsessed with materialism, gifts, and the social-status inferred therein. I can’t help it. I don’t like seeing it in the shops for three damn months, or hearing poxy bastard carols on shop sound systems for two months. But it’s pretty much unavoidable – I try to limit my exposure to it all, but there still has to be some, sadly.
But I’m trying hard to not be too ranty about it. For now. That may change over the next few weeks – after all, there’s still a month to go…
Following the Crowd – Again
Posted: Sat 16 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charity, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Introspective, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Following on from yesterday’s post about charity, Children in Need, and doing what everyone else does, another current grouse is around Movember. It’s a great cause – raising awareness of male cancers, and raising funds for fighting them – but it’s another group thing.
In my office, every other male member of staff is doing it. And when you ask their motivations? Yep, it’s either “Well, everyone else is doing it, so I thought I would”, or “it’s for charity”. Yet when I asked them what charity it was for, at least half had no bloody clue, and aren’t even doing it to raise money.
Movember started off as a fun idea – but this year it’s got huge sponsors (including Gilette – which is kind of obvious, in fairness – and Three) but I just kind of get twitchy when it comes to charitable stuff with large corporate sponsors.
So yeah, if you’re going to do something that’s based around charity – at least support that charity, or know what the frick you’re talking about, rather than just following the damn crowd.
Missing the M1
Posted: Thu 26 September, 2013 Filed under: Charm School, Commuting, Driving, M1, Work-related Leave a comment »I have to say, because of this I’m very glad I’m not commuting via the M1.
It wouldn’t have affected me directly, but from the traffic reports, the closures and rubberneckers were screwing things up for everyone else, so I’m pretty pleased that I was commuting in the opposite direction, away from the M1 entirely…
Oops
Utilities Part Two – Anglian Water
Posted: Fri 20 September, 2013 Filed under: Anglian Water, Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, Getting Organised 2 Comments »Following on from yesterday’s post about nPower’s abysmal customer service, I’ve also been dealing with Anglian Water for far too long since moving in to the new place.
It’s not been anything quite as drastic as the farce with nPower – at least Anglian got my name right from day one. It’s just they’ve never managed to get my bills right.
Part of the problem is the metering setup. For some godforsaken reason, my house (and the others in my section) all have two meters: one for the main property, one for the separate outbuilding. This seems to cause them no end of confusion – my first meter reading, they managed to put the same reading in for both meters which overcharged me on one by some sixty units! Since then, despite no end of times telling them the outbuilding one only has a washing machine in it (and is thus epically low on usage) every damn bill or reading needs to be done twice, because they don’t believe the first one. (Personally I’m not keen on what this also says about their attitude to their own meter-reading people, but we’ll leave that for now)
Compounding this has been an ongoing issue with their ‘outreaders’ – little grey boxes that (supposedly) connect to the main meter, and mean the meters can be read without the person needing to access my property. Except that
- Some twat decided that they should both be situated within the courtyard bit between house and outbuilding. Yes, the bit with no access from the outside, without going through the damn house. #slow_handclap right there.
- At no point have the outboxes read the same as the actual meters.
I’ve had Anglian out twice to have the outreaders recalibrated to the meters now, so one would hope they were working. But no…
Back in July I had a meter-reading done. It was one of the days I wasn’t working, so that was fortuitous. And then I expected a bill – it normally comes in August. Nothing. So I called them this week to find out what was happening – the last thing I want on my record right now is a “late payment” flag, particularly for a utility company.
Only they hadn’t sent a bill. As usual, the outhouse’s meter reading had tripped all their flags, so they needed to check the reading. (Done by a person, don’t forget) I said I’d do a reading that evening, and then they could sort it out. I also said I’d do both the outreader and the meter itself.
Lo and behold, the outreaders are under-reading by about ten percent. The meter on the house says 98, the outreader says 88. The one on the outbuilding says 22, the meter says 25. Yep, they’re still buggered then. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind their readings under-reporting by 10% – except I also don’t want hassle at some future date when someone reads the meter instead of the outreader, and suddenly I’m getting hit (again) for 50 units more than I expected.
They’re now coming out on Saturday to fit two ‘smart meters’, replacing the existing meter and outreaders. Supposedly these ones upload straight to a website, so I can monitor the usage and see if there’s a problem. Considering the issues so far with them, you can be damn sure I’ll be keeping an eye on those reading for the rest of the year!
Driving Thoughts
Posted: Thu 5 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Fog, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »A small selection of questions and thoughts from the drive in to work this morning…
1) Look, if you’re driving so slowly in a car that trucks are pulling out to overtake you, maybe you should speed the fuck up, or get off the bloody road.
2) It’s foggy. So why are so many people driving
- without any lights at all or
- without their foglights on?
Usually it only takes a tiny piece of mist and they’re all in use, but this, with visibility of fuck-all-squared, there’s loads of people without lights. What the hell?
(And on a side note, bloody hell, I’m glad I’m not involved in this lot in Kent!)
3) Relatedly, why is it that once the fog clears up, you fuck-knuckle bastards leave your sodding foglights on ? They’re there for a reason, remember to turn the cocking things off when they’re no longer necessary
4) Why is it that so-called “professional drivers” (articulated trucks, delivery stuff, coaches etc.) usually end up being the most dangerous ones on the road?
5) If that’s how you drive, Mr Driving Instructor, then I truly fear for the skills of your pupils.
6) If you can’t steer/handle a shopping trolley, it really scares me to know that you’ve arrived here by car, and will be driving home. Jesus.
Children and Racism
Posted: Thu 25 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, People Leave a comment »This video is really interesting…
Basically, Cheerios released an advert in America that featured a multi-racial relationship, and – unsurprisingly – a lot of people complained about it. The video below shows the ads, and then the reactions of some young children to it, and to the ‘controversy’.
If nothing else, it gives us some hope for the future, where America will possibly become less racist.
Reaping What’s Been Sown
Posted: Sun 14 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Parking, People Leave a comment »Tonight, I’m enjoying a dose of schadenfreude (“enjoying the misfortune of others”, if you didn’t know)
Yesterday morning, an idiot parked up in a big-ass Mercedes in the pub car park opposite where I live. And left their parking light on. I don’t know where they’re staying – the pub doesn’t have rooms, so really they’re just taking the piss anyway. So the parking light has stayed on while they’ve been staying wherever.
Now they’ve come back to the car – parked up for 36 hours in a commercial(ish) car park, parking light on – to discover that a) they have a parking ticket, and b) their battery is flat, the car won’t start, and they’ve had to call the AA. (I don’t know for sure, but I assume that the AA will charge as well, as it’s down to driver idiocy.) Of course, because their car is safe, off the road, and not in any feasible danger, it’s right at the bottom of the priority list.
All told, I’m finding it very hard to be sympathetic to their plight, and may in fact be chuckling quite a lot.
And yes – I know I’m going to reap something on this myself, so by the end of the week expect me to be saying something about a broken car.
Independence Today
Posted: Thu 4 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts 2 Comments »It’s July 4th, which means America is celebrating Independence Day.
Personally, I’ve never understood why the UK never celebrates Independence Day too, as “The day we got rid of that pestilential colony”.
Mind you, I’ve also always thought we should make more of the voyage of the Mayflower, and celebrate that initial migration of Puritans to their new land of hope and glory.
Data Migration – Kindle
Posted: Mon 10 June, 2013 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, Geeky, Getting Organised, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »By contrast to the ease of migrating data to the new laptop, resyncing a new Kindle is an absolutely shite experience.
The actual purchase/delivery of it is great – ordered on Friday, arrived today. But synchronising it is crap.
Rather than a simple “download everything” option – or even having a “download everything on this page” – you have to choose to download each eBook individually. Even on the website, it’s a list with individual controls. Not even a checkbox against each item and a ‘download all’.
Why? I’ve no idea. But it means that what should be a simple “connect this device to my Amazon account” to download everything becomes a nightmare of (in my case) roughly 1,000 mouse-clicks. That’s no exaggeration. I’ve got 260 books on my Kindle. For each one you’ve got to click on “Actions”, then “Download”, then Select the device (there’s only one device – at least fucking auto-select it!) . For each book.
It’s a truly painful and shit experience, and there’s an email going to Amazon to explain that.
Bastardry
Posted: Mon 15 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Over the last year, one particular section of my daily commute has made me realise two things
- People are really fucking stupid
- I’m a complete bastard, and still get amused by watching stupid people screw things up
The road section is this one – Junction 13 of the M1. The particularly bad section is at the top – I come off the Motorway at the bottom right of the photo, have to go all the way round the first roundabout, over the motorway bridge, and straight over the second one to head towards home.
Junction 13 of the M1
However, rule #1 above says that people are really fucking stupid. This means that
- At least once a week, I see people on the first roundabout wanting to turn right (i.e. the same way I go), get confused, and drive back on to the M1, instead of taking the next turn off.
- Pretty much every day I see people in the wrong lanes on the first roundabout, being in the left-hand lane to turn right, right-hand lane to turn left or go straight-on, cutting lanes across the roundabout, etc. etc.
- Probably three times out of five, I’ll see people come off the other roundabout, and be totally confused about where to go next. That turn-off has two lanes – the left one to go straight on, the right one to – yes! – turn right. The number of people I follow who are in the wrong lane, and completely bemused by the junction is just unreal.
Of course, with option two there is also the – very minor – justification that it’s a confusing or badly designed junction (and in my opinion it is a bit shit) but it actually isn’t that bad. Slightly obscure, but not bad – so long as drivers read the signs and the roads. Which is, of course, the underlying problem.
And rule #2 is that I’m still a bastard. I can’t help but laugh at the fuck-knuckles who drive back onto the M1, and also (to a lesser degree) to the ones who fuck up the second roundabout.
I’m not perfect when it comes to driving – and I’d never claim to be – but at least I can read the road and don’t screw up the simple things.
Sweary Hypocrisy
Posted: Sun 14 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »I’ve found a new source of amusement – the “Parental Guides” for films on IMDB.
A perfect example is here, for the new Tom Cruise film “Oblivion”
Why is it so amusing? For wondrous things like this…
bitch used 2 times bastard 1 time ass 4 times shit 6 times 1 use of fuck. Son-of-a-b***h is used once.
It’s the hypocrisy of it all – coupled with the tweeness. In the example above, it’s OK to write bitch, bastard and fuck, but son-of-a-bitch gets asterisked out? Fuck me.
Infamy, Infamy, they’ve all got it infamy
Posted: Mon 28 January, 2013 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, D4D™, Legal, Marketing, Privacy, Thoughts Leave a comment »Eighteen months ago, I had to issue a retraction of comments I’d made about the professionalism of a marketing manager and his company, due to some seriously heavy-handed legal threats from over the water.
As a quick “I wonder”, I did a Google search today on the name of the marketing manager and his company. And yes, D4D still comes up as the first result on Google for that search.
When you think about it, that’s really funny. (And is also what I warned them would happen when the legal people insisted I use his name as part of the apology on the title)
After all, this is a marketing manager of a major company – a company whose products also use the name D4D on some of them. He’s also always had the right of reply, I’ve never closed the comments on any of those posts. Nary an acknowledgement, not a rebuttal or apology for damaging the privacy policy of his own company, not even a “thanks for the apology”. Which, I suppose, shows the quality of the man.
And still, there I am, at the top of the search results.
It amused me, anyway.
Acid Attacks
Posted: Sat 19 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Television, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yesterday I watched the Channel 4 documentary “Saving Face” about Dr Mohammad Jawad, a renowned plastic surgeon who provides pro bono work rebuilding the faces of Indian women who have been the victims of acid attacks by their husbands.
Yeah, attacks with acid – usually sulphuric – being thrown in their faces. Seriously, what the absolute fuck?
I know women in India aren’t treated with the same accord as in the UK and other countries – but seriously, what kind of mindset is there that makes it OK, indeed ‘the done thing’, to disfigure your partner ? What the shit?
It’s just totally beyond me, I simply don’t understand the process that makes this kind of thing OK.
(And yes, I do know – but don’t understand – the philosophy that one’s woman/partner is just a possession, an object you can choose to keep, throw away, or burn to fuck with acid. I know the philosophy, but still, it’s just wrong. )
The Hotel, Channel 4
Posted: Sun 13 January, 2013 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »On Channel 4, they’re currently showing a new series of “The Hotel”, about the Grosvenor Hotel in Torquay.
In many ways it’s absolute road-crash TV, the sort that makes you think “What were they thinking when they agreed to this?” . All the people portrayed are just horrendous, total idiots. Indeed, it’s so bad that you wonder if it’s not completely staged, one of these ‘scripted reality’ shows like “Only way is Essex” etc. Indeed, I’m not yet fully convinced that it’s not.
There are a couple of reasons I’m more given to believe that it’s just stupid people with no clue and no insight into how they appear. They are :
- I’ve worked with several people who have exactly those levels of self-delusion and stupidity. (Funnily enough, all in that same industry)
- The media coverage that the hotel did end up getting sold to new owners
All told, it’s another of Channel 4’s excursions into excruciating people and teeth-grinding situations.
Apostrophes
Posted: Wed 26 December, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, D4D™, Education, Literacy, Writing 1 Comment »One of the better explanations I’ve seen for using apostrophes and abbreviations. (And I didn’t write this originally, honest)
Maybe if it were taught like this in schools, people would remember it better.
Seeking Proofreaders
Posted: Thu 22 November, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Education, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »One of my favourite stories today is that of the Suffolk school that’s now hiring proofreaders to check for mistakes in teachers reports. Yes, really.
From the story…
Northgate High School said the role would include correcting “spelling mistakes, poor or missing punctuation, incorrect capitalisation” and improving “poor grammar”.
The role at the local authority school pays £14 an hour.
Headteacher David Hutton said the work indicates the “high level of professionalism” at the school.
Surely a better mark of the ‘high level of professionalism’ at the school would be to hire teachers who – you know – are capable of spelling correctly and using grammar properly in the first place? After all, if they’re making mistakes on the reports, I’d be pretty damn sure they were making the same mistakes in lessons…
Hallowe’en
Posted: Wed 31 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, Hypocrisy, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yes, once again it’s that time of year.
The one where, after telling children all year that they shouldn’t talk to strangers, let along accept sweets etc. from strangers, it’s now acceptable – but only for one night (and the following weekend, of course) – to go knocking on doors and – um – accept sweets from strangers.
What could possibly go wrong?
I feel the same about Santa in the Festering Season – again, don’t talk to strangers, but oh, it’s ok this time because you’re talking to Santa and accepting presents. Hey, good move.
In short, ’tis the season to introduce your children to hypocrisy and double-standards. Enjoy.
YPLAC
Posted: Wed 12 September, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Driving, Parking | Tags: YPLAC Leave a comment »From the truly mighty You Park Like A Cunt (YPLAC) comes this absolute gem.
Nothing else needs be said
Phone Insurance – Rejected
Posted: Thu 28 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Insurance, Stupidity 6 Comments »So, following on from yesterday’s post about the idiots at Homecare Insurance (part of CPP Insurance) it now turns out they’ve rejected my claim, because I “didn’t take reasonable precautions”.
Now, the phone is (supposedly) covered against accidental damage. But that apparently doesn’t include accidents. Of course, with insurance, the devil is in the details.
The actual circumstances of the phone’s demise are that I left it on the cistern of the toilet while I had a shower. While in the shower, I assume I received a call or a message and vibrated, because the poxy thing was in the toilet when I got out of the shower. And since then, it’s been knackered, for obvious reasons.
So apparently, I didn’t take enough care of the phone. Sure, I could have been in the bathroom, then left, put the phone somewhere else, and gone back in. I could have put the phone somewhere else in the bathroom – a windowsill, or whatever. But the fact is, I didn’t, I didn’t even think past “It’ll be fine on a flat surface”. Which it has been in the past. I didn’t think it’d fall in, because it was on a flat safe surface, not even close to the edge.
And this all means I didn’t (currently) take reasonable precautions. I freely admit to being an idiot, but the process wasn’t a careless or slapdash one – just a stupid one.
It’s being appealed, and the entire process is now also a full formal complaint.
But short story? If you’re insured with Homecare or CPP, don’t expect accidental damage to be covered, even when they say it is.
Venue Regulations
Posted: Wed 6 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, London Olympics, Thoughts | Tags: 2012, London, Olympics, Venue Regulations 2 Comments »(via Diamond Geezer)
Apparently, a bundle of new signs have gone up round the sites for the London Olympics, that look like this…
Venue Regulations sign
Only those Venue Regulations aren’t so easy to find on the site. Indeed, they’re in a PDF (thanks, Google) which is going to make it pretty difficult to read them before you go into the Venue.
And the list of regulations – which you’re accepting without being able to read them – is pretty draconian…
- ‘Games’ means the London 2012 Olympic Games and Paralympic Games
- ‘LOCOG’ means The London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games and Paralympic Games Limited, One Churchill Place, Canary Wharf, London E14 5LN
- ‘Person’ means an individual, partnership, firm, corporation, association, trust, unincorporated association or any other legal person
- ‘Terms and Conditions’ means the Terms and Conditions of Ticket Purchase, the terms of the Ticket Application Form (and accompanying Ticket Guide), LOCOG’s Ticketing privacy policy (full details of which are available at www.tickets.london2012.com) and any other rules brought to the attention of a Person prior to entry to the Venue
- ‘Venue’ means a location under the control of LOCOG including but not limited to all venues where a Games event is to be held
- Notwithstanding possession of any ticket, security pass or accreditation, permission to enter and to remain on the Venue is at the absolute discretion of LOCOG.
- LOCOG has the right to search any Person entering the Venue. Any Person who rejects a security search or refuses to comply with rules and security notices published by LOCOG from time to time will be refused entry to or ejected from the Venue.
- LOCOG reserves absolutely the right to refuse entry to or eject from the Venue any Person:
- failing, or (in LOCOG’s opinion) likely to fail, to comply with any of these Venue Regulations, the Terms and Conditions or any instruction issued by LOCOG, a police officer or any person authorised to act on behalf of LOCOG;
- whose presence within the Venue is, or (in the opinion of LOCOG) could, be construed as constituting a source of danger, nuisance or annoyance to any other Person
- who is in possession of a Prohibited or Restricted Item as set out in the Terms and Conditions of Ticket Purchase (which can be found at http://www.tickets.london2012.com/purchaseterms.html)
- engaging in threatening, abusive or violent behaviour, and foul or abusive language; or
- causing, or (in LOCOG’s opinion) likely to cause, damage to the Venue or any equipment, fitting or fixture within the Venue.
- The obstruction of access ways, exits and entrance, stairways, common areas and any other areas within the Venue is strictly forbidden and this includes, but is not limited to, the erection or unauthorised occupation of tents or other temporary or permanent structures anywhere within the Venue and any Person creating or attempting to create such an obstruction will immediately be ejected from the Venue.
- No sponsorship, promotional or marketing materials may be brought into, used or displayed by any Person within the Venue unless expressly permitted in writing by LOCOG.
- Mobile telephones are permitted within the Venue, provided that they are used for personal and private use only and provided that no material (including audio, visual or audio-visual material) captured by a mobile telephone may be made available to any third party.
- CCTV cameras are in use around and within the Venue and LOCOG may itself use or pass to the police any recordings.
- Any property left on the Venue remains at the entire risk of the owner of the property or person leaving the same and LOCOG accepts no liability for the theft or other loss or damage of such property.
- LOCOG excludes (to the maximum extent permitted by law) any liability for loss, injury or damage to persons or property on the Venue.
Item 3 in particular has some interesting stuff about who might not be allowed in to the venue (odd, considering you’ve already gone in, and accepted these terms) – but basically it comes down to “Anyone who is – or in our opinion might be – going to be naughty”. I don’t mind the “is” part – that’s common sense – it’s the “or, in our opinion” part that causes discomfort. Who knows what might incur the blacklist ?
And according to Item 5, you can’t wear anything with logos. That’s pretty hard to do, in fact. I’m generally logo-phobic, but I know I have stuff that has a logo on it. And according to Item 6, you also can’t upload your photos to – for example – Facebook, Flickr, 500px etc.
All told, it’s a wonder that anyone actually wants to go to the Olympics at all, isn’t it?
Funding the Daily Mail
Posted: Wed 4 April, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Media, Stupidity 1 Comment »In yesterday’s Daily Mail, a woman called Samantha Brick wittered on wrote an article about how life was so difficult for her ‘because she was so beautiful’. (That’s a link to the story, if you really must read it – but hang on before you do so)
Predictably, t’internet – and Twitter in particular – frothed up about it massively, and the story went viral. Which is exactly what the Daily Fail wanted.
According to their own follow-up story, that original article garnered 4,500 comments. And the ‘top-rated’ comment received 18,000 ‘green arrow’ upticks. (Think of a Green Arrow as being similar to a Facebook Like)
The Daily Fail lives by advertising. The Mail’s Online Ratecard shows that they charge a minimum of £20 per 1,000 advert impressions – and it can be a lot more.
The original story had (at the time of writing the follow-up) received 1.5million hits – that’s a minimum of £30,000 they’ve made on the one story. Of course, the original story/page is still live, and there’s also a follow-up piece from Brick herself. From the Fail…
And today she is sure to provoke another avalanche of strong reaction as she defends herself in a fresh article on MailOnline, insisting that: ‘While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proved my point. Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.’
So to all the people who comment, or even just click through to read the story, I say this.
YOU are the people who fund the Daily Mail. Every single one of you. Now, don’t you feel proud?
Crackers for Easter
Posted: Mon 2 April, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Festering Season, Sweary 1 Comment »Over the weekend, in Sainsbury’s, I spotted packs of Easter Crackers. Yeah, like Christmas Crackers, but for Easter.
What. The. Fuck?!?
(Looking on Google, it appears that this is becoming a common thing, somehow)
I didn’t get any photos this time – I’ll try to get some next time I’m there.
But really, what the hell is going on, if Easter Crackers are now a thing?
Smartphone, Stupid App
Posted: Wed 21 March, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, iPhone Leave a comment »Ah, RBS, I do so love the way you make life really complicated when it doesn’t need to be – and indeed shouldn’t be.
As I wrote before, I recently upgraded my phone to the iPhone 4S, which was a remarkably painless process. (I know, Apple stuff “just works”, but that’s not always been my experience, it’s safe to say – and there’s still a few niggles to sort out) All the Apps I’d purchased on the 3GS came over smoothly, all the contacts, blah blah, all worked fine – except for one.
Yep, the RBS “Mobile Banking” app wouldn’t work at all. Fair enough, security for banking, I can live with that. And there’s a button for requesting a new passkey. Clicky. Oh. It’s going to come in the post, and might take seven working days. Sheesh.
Seven working days on, nothing has appeared. So I call RBS Mobile Banking.
“Oh yes, we don’t send those any more.”
“…”
“Yes, what you need to do is text STOP (and yes, it has to be all in capitals) to 87727, then uninstall the existing app, reinstall it from the App Store, and go through the setup process.”
“You’re kidding, right? This is how RBS ‘make things easier’?”
“Yes, this is the quickest process for getting things done.”
Fuck sake. Anyway, it’s been done – but what a total bag of bollocks.
Celebrity Sharktank
Posted: Thu 8 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, MOTB, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »Over on Twitter today, I was having a conversation with a couple of friends, and an idea came to. It would never be made – but we can dream…
The idea, as the title of this post suggests, would be Celebrity Sharktank. (Or Celebrities Swimming with Sharks – either way)
The premise – and this is the good bit – is to take ten ‘celebrities’, and let them go swimming with a whole swarm of sharks. Great Whites, Makos, Hammerheads, all the good ones. Throw in a bit of chum (bloody meat/fish, if you didn’t know) and you’ve got a TV programme to be proud of.
The ‘Winner’ of the programme would be the last one alive. Of course, if the recovery crew were really slow at getting to the ‘Winner’, would anyone care?
In my mind, the contestants for the first episode would be :
- The Kardashian sisters
- Jedward
- Simon Cowell
- the cast of TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) and
- the cast of Jersey Shore
The first episode would be called “Feeding Frenzy” in honour of there being rather more victims (sorry, contestants) than usual. I suspect Cowell would “Win”, but only because there’s a limit to the shit that even a shark can eat.
I suppose the only downside of this would be the potential for complaints about cruelty to animals…
Tactical Driving
Posted: Wed 7 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Driving, MOTB 6 Comments »Over the last few days I’ve been taking part in a fun new game I’ll call “The Tactical Driving Game”. It’s also called “the 505 game”, because it’s currently taking place on the A505.
Basically, find a route with several speed cameras on it. The A505 between Baldock and Royston is good for it, and I’d imagine that the A1 around Elkesley is another gem.
While driving at normal speed, end up with some titbag trying to intimidate you into shifting and letting them past.
Pull in when you get a chance – but particularly at certain spots along the road.
Titbag then goes blasting past, attempting to intimidate/impress with their speed/acceleration/car.
And *flash*, off goes the speed camera.
It’s a joy, I tell you. A joy.
Intrusive
Posted: Wed 29 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, People, Sweary, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’d forgotten about this ’til now, but it annoyed me at the time.
Over the weekend, I went in to the local Asda store.Along with some other things, I bought some Diet Coke in 500ml bottles. I prefer them that way for drinking in the car, or whatever.
Anyway, I got to the till, and put them on the conveyor belt thingy. At which point the woman stood behind me pointed at them and said “Osteoporosis”.
*shrug* OK, weird. I know, but frankly what business is it of yours, lady?
Obviously she hadn’t stuck her nose in enough yet…
“That’s really bad for you, you know”
“Yep, I know. Mind you, I’ve always said that it’s either Diet Coke, or I can take up heroin instead.”
Her daughter laughed out loud.
“And I can’t imagine all that chocolate and sweetener you’re buying is going to do you any good.”
Silence.
But really, how fucking rude do you have to be, to shove your (unwanted) opinion in someone else’s face in the middle of a supermarket?
Advertising Excellence
Posted: Wed 29 February, 2012 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, People, Sweary Leave a comment »Apparently, the ASA has told Sofa King to stop using this advert because of its rude phrasing…
Advert for Sofa King
I can’t understand what their problem is…
Parking Tickets
Posted: Mon 13 February, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, Creativity, Domestic, Driving, Parking 1 Comment »I *so* want some of these…
You suck at parking
Mind you, I must admit I made a *right* balls of parking at Homebase over the weekend – really should’ve submitted myself to YPLAC.
John Terry – Unproven, yet punished
Posted: Fri 3 February, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts Leave a comment »First of all, remember, I couldn’t give the tiniest shit about football in general.
I do find myself somewhat bemused though by today’s news that John Terry has been stripped of his captaincy of England (again) – this time because he’s been accused of racially abusing another footballer.
Now note, he’s been accused of it, has pleaded ‘not guilty’, and the case is going to court in July. (conveniently just after this year’s Euro 2012 football) So at the moment he’s not been found guilty (or, of course, not guilty) of the offence. Yet he’s already been punished.
And just what kind of message does that send out to the courts, jury, fans and everyone else? Are they punishing him because they think he is guilty? (and so are acting as judge and jury before it goes to court) Or just because “it’s safer” ?
Late to the Story
Posted: Thu 4 August, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »I see today in the news that Heather Mills is complaining today that her phone was hacked by the Mirror Group of newspapers 8 years ago. Yep – 8 years ago.
Is it only me who thinks that this might – just maybe – be a bit of a bandwagon jump? Phone hacking has been in the media for most of this year, and even more so over the last month. And it’s only now that Mills (and several others) jump into the ring too. Very odd.
Royal Knees-Up
Posted: Sat 30 April, 2011 Filed under: Charm School, Media, Photography Leave a comment »From a range of sources, this has to be the best/funniest photo from the Royal Wedding yesterday…
Dirty Mind, Royal Wedding
Ho Effing Ho
Posted: Thu 16 December, 2010 Filed under: Art, Charm School, Festering Season, People, Shopping, Sweary 3 Comments »
Nice to see that someone else feels roughly the same way about the Festering Season as I do…
In this case,
a ‘disgruntled employee’ of Harrods disabled the correct lights until he could spell out his feelings to Harrods bosses and Christmas shoppers alike. He was removed by security guards after an hour-long stand-off, then handed over to police.
It could be is photoshopped, I don’t know. But it is excellent. (Updated : The story is originally from The Poke, a spoof news site. The original photo pre-photoshop is visible here.)
FO at Christmas
Clamper’s Contract
Posted: Tue 2 November, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Creativity, Customer Services Leave a comment »James Holden has come up with an ace way of combatting car clampers…
Parking Contract
Everybody is familiar with the notices displayed in car parks. The gist of them is that by parking you are entering into a contract which obliges you to pay a sum of money if you breach the terms of the agreement. These notices are enforced by contract law and are very different to the legitimate PCN (Penalty Charge Notice) tickets that public officials can issue, which you have to appeal properly if you think you’ve been ticketed unfairly.
This got me thinking. If I can be said to have entered into a contract by simply being near one of these signs, so can they. It should cover off enough of the angles of attack, fines, clamping, towing and so on
Excellent stuff.
Firefight
Posted: Tue 26 October, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, People 1 Comment »Apparently, London Fire Brigade are in the middle of a dispute about the scrapping of current rota systems, and plan to strike in protest. For 48 hours starting on the 5th November – pretty much their busiest day of the year. Way to go.
Even more impressive, Diwali this year also falls on November 5th, so that’s going to concentrate the fireworks and so on into one weekend. And the firemen will be on strike.
Genius.
Eighty Fucking Quid
Posted: Thu 23 September, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, National Express East Anglia, Norfolk, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »One of the more surprising things about yesterday’s trip to London was the cost of the train ticket to do the journey.
Now I wrote about it last year when National Express East Anglia decided to almost-double the cost of the trainfare overnight from £40 to £74, and ended up with a letter from NEEA telling me that oh yes, it’d been an error, and the prices would drop back down at the next revision.
Looks like that was a lie, too. Indeed, the price has now gone up, so a return ticket with travelcard cost me £80.80 That really takes the piss. I could’ve driven down, parked all day, and driven back for less than half that amount – the only reason I didn’t was that I wasn’t in the mood for navigating London and the M25.
On the (very minor) plus side, the trains are now a lot less busy than they were when I was using them on a daily basis a couple of years back. Of course, that just means that (in theory at least) NEEA will then try and gouge their remaining customers even more in order to maintain the same levels of income.
WTF
Posted: Fri 17 September, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Stupidity, Sweary Leave a comment »Every so often a story in the news just makes me say “What. The. Fuck?” – this one is one of those stories.
Children at a school near Selby have had a play break cancelled and hard ball games banned after neighbours complained to the council about noise.
Barlby Community Primary School has also put up a soundproof fence because it fears a noise abatement order.
So people who live near a school – and one assumes, have either a) lived there for a while, or b) moved in thinking it would be nice and quiet (because they’re shit-for-brains morons) – complain that the school is noisy at play time.
You really have to wonder sometimes. In the town where I grew up, a housing estate was built that backed on to the local sewage farm. People who moved into those houses complained about the smell, and tried to get the (pre-existing) sewage farm shut down. When I was in Manchester people who moved in to one part of the city centre complained about the noise from the bars, and tried to get them shut down.
If you’re that fucking stupid that you move near a school, or a bar, or a sewage farm, and only then complain that there’s a problem, then you don’t deserve to be allowed to complain. Live with it, and shut the fuck up. You moron.
Refurbishment
Posted: Sat 21 August, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Driving, Parking, Stupidity Leave a comment »Currently, our largest local(ish) Sainsbury’s store is undergoing a major refurbishment – a project which looks like it’s going to roughly double the size of the store.
Not that you’d know it from the Sainsbury’s information page about the Longwater store.
You’d think that information like “we’re refitting this store” would be useful – and positively easy to add to a webpage, wouldn’t you? But no, no mention of it.
As it is, the improvements mean that the main carpark has been reduced to (at most) half its previous size, along with being completely replanned. But that’s OK, because there’s a big simple overflow carpark over the other side of the access road.
Except – um – there’s not. Because in a fit of total planning genius, they’ve also ripped that up to re-plan it and generally fuck about with it.
So of that 694 spaces listed on the information page ( 647 normal spaces, 22 disabled and 22 ‘parent-and-child’) there’s about 250 left. Of course, all the disabled and ‘parent-and-child’ ones are kept available, it’s just the other ones that’ve been epically reduced.
So fuck you, Sainsburys.
Road Maintenance and Sarcasm – The Response
Posted: Thu 19 August, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Norfolk Leave a comment »Following on from the post earlier this week about certain idiocy with roadworks near us, I actually got a response from Norfolk Council about it. In less than a week!
As Surfacing Engineer for Norfolk County Council Environment, Transport
& Development Dept. I was responsible for the construction phase of the
resurfacing operations at Church Steet, Hingham and your complaint has
been passed to me for action.Firstly I would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused by the
surfacing works in Hingham carried out over the last two weekends.
During our initial consultations with the businesses and parishes in the
Hingham area the Vintage Working weekend was not identified as a
potential issue.The official diversion route for this scheme was extensive and required
traffic to be diverted along the B1077 from Carbrooke to Attleborough,
along the A11 to Wymondham and then back to Hingham via Wicklewood &
Hackford. Special advance warning signs were planned for various
locations along this route to intercept cross country traffic such as Gt
Ellingham crossroads.Unfortunately the Traffic Management contractor did not identfy any
signage at either Bush Green Lane or Lt Ellingham Road junctions and I
apologise for this oversight. This has raised a potential issue with
publicity of local events and the need for NCC to consult in future with
all parish councils etc on the diversion route to check for any possible
conflicts.If you have any further queries relating to these works please give me a
call
In fairness, that’s not a bad response, all things considered…
Road Maintenance and Sarcasm
Posted: Mon 16 August, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Norfolk, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Over the weekend, one of the significant crossroads near us was completely closed for re-surfacing. The problem was that at least one route to get to that crossroads didn’t have any mention of said road closure.
Which means I get to send sarcastic emails to Norfolk County Council. (Again)
To whom it may concern,
I’d just like to congratulate the person(s) involved in sorting out signage for the road closure in Hingham this weekend.
If (as many people did) you took the road from Little Ellingham towards Hingham using Hingham Road->Little Ellingham Road -> Attleborough Road to the crossroads in Hingham, there was not *ONE* sign saying that the road ahead was closed. The signage was in fact before this junction (at roughly the spot of the red circle in this map)
This meant that anyone coming through on the route from Little Ellingham came round the corner to find the entire road closed off, and then had to turn round and go back. This also had the effect of stuffing a significant amount of the newly resurfaced road before the junction.
Of course, the road from Little Ellingham isn’t that heavily used. Except when Little Ellingham has its Vintage Working Weekend event- yes, the weekend just passed.
I look forward to any response Norfolk Council deigns to give in explanation of why there was no thought given to this route, or signage on it.
Sincerely
Lyle
I know it’ll do bugger-all good, but I felt better having written it. And that’s what matters.
Parking – Yet Again
Posted: Mon 16 August, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Driving, Parking, Travel 7 Comments »Another Saturday in Tesco, another tossbag who can’t park their car
This time it wasn’t even over the blank spaces for clear view lines, it was just slap-bang over two parking spaces…
Twat
KC51WTE, you park like a cunt.
Facebook Users
Posted: Thu 29 July, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Technology, Thoughts 2 Comments »Radio One’s headline on this was “Facebook users details are available online” – which elicited a “Well, duh!” response from me. They’ve always been available online – at Facebook. All of the information held in this file was already available at Facebook – it’s just it would’ve taken a bit more effort to get it all.
Every one of the people listed in the file hadn’t set their privacy settings properly. That’s more of an indictment about either
- how complex Facebook made their privacy settings
- how stupid / lazy people are when it comes to those settings
- how people really don’t think about their privacy and security at all
And that’s it.
If you can’t be bothered to check your privacy settings, you deserve to have your details published. After all, if one person can do it, so can others.
Missing Pink
Posted: Thu 1 July, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, Driving, Introspective, Stupidity 2 Comments »Following on from yesterday’s post about Pink, Portman Stadium, and signs in general, some extra thoughts…
1) I can be a total arse. I know that’s not really news, but all the same, it’s worth re-iterating.
2) I fucking hate getting lost, being late etc.
3) If I’ve had a crap day, my tolerance for 2) is particularly low, leading to qualifying even more for 1)
Tuesday was, however I look at it, an exceedingly crap day. Stuff had come up at work that had affected me – nothing seriously traumatic of negative, it’d just been one of those days. In all fairness I really wasn’t in the mood for a late night – particularly with the knowledge of an early start in the morning. (For a number of reasons, last working day of the month is a big day in the current job, and requires coming in earlier than usual)
So the afternoon/evening didn’t start off all that well, and my mood wasn’t the best. Not being able to find the stadium just pissed me off a lot, and I didn’t do what I should’ve done, which was either
- Stop and think a bit
- Call someone else already there and find out how to get there
- Use the iPhone to do the same as 2
- Stop somewhere and ask someone.
I should have done one or more of those. Instead I got locked in to trying to find the place by driving along the A14.
Admittedly, I also didn’t expect the stadium to be in the town/city centre. All the other stadia (stadiums? I dunno) I know of are on the outskirts, not in the centre. Manchester, Norwich, Oxford, Crewe, Stockport – all on the outskirts. I also kind of expect there to be signs to say where the hell to go – after all, it’s not like a stadium is somewhere that no-one ever goes to.
But anyway, I did get pissed off, and went home. It wasn’t my smartest move, but it was the one I did.
No excuses for it at all, just sometimes an extra explanation is worthwhile.
Hey Ho.
Pink, Portman Road, Ipswich
Posted: Wed 30 June, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, Driving, Reviews(ish), Stupidity, Travel 13 Comments »Last night I was supposed to be seeing Pink at the Portman Road stadium in Ipswich. I didn’t see it.
Why? Because I couldn’t find the fucking stadium.
I’m normally pretty good on finding places, but must admit that in this case I’d figured there would be some signs to follow. After all, it’s a football stadium for fuck’s sake. Surely they need some signs for away fans to get there etc.?
Apparently not. I have to assume that Ipswich is truly embarassed about the stadium – they sure as shit don’t like to admit that they’ve got one.
Driving along the A14, I got to the first turn-off for Ipswich. There’s a sign there that says “Football Stadium” with an arrow pointing straight on (i.e. don’t take the turn-off). Fine. Second junction’s the same – “Straight on for Football Stadium“. After that, nothing. I got to the far side of Ipswich, no more signs. I turned round, coming back from Felixstowe direction to Ipswich, and there’s not one fucking sign. Not one.
All told I did that stretch three times, checking the exit roads, trying to see any damn signage whatsoever that pointed me in the direction of the stadium. Nothing except those two signs saying “straight on” from one direction.
So in the end I said fuck it, and drove home.
I assume Portman Stadium etc. won’t give a shit, as they’ve got their money for the gig already. But you can be damn fucking sure I won’t be going back there again.
I do feel like a right bell-end for not being able to find a sodding football stadium. But at the same time it’s not just me, others have said it’s a shit to find unless you actually know where it is. Personally, I’m not going to make the effort to try and find it again.
Road to Nowhere
Posted: Thu 27 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Driving, Norfolk, Weirdness Leave a comment »Only in Norfolk.
Over in Attleborough, there’s a new road been put in which currently goes nowhere. It got used straight away as a place for a bunch of travellers. (and I believe there’s rumour of it being used as such on a longer-term basis) They got cleared out a few weeks back though.
Over the weekend I went past it, and there’s some road signs been put up.
30mph on a dead-end road with no houses or buildings on it
Fake Flying
Posted: Tue 18 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »Awesome – a guy flies passenger jets on a fake pilot’s licence. For 13 years.
If you’ve ever flown with Air One (now Alitalia), he could’ve been your pilot.
And now he’s been caught, having flown hundreds of flights with thousands of passengers, what’s the punishment? A fine of $2,500 and being grounded for a year.
Yeah, grounded from flying – like that’s going to have an effect, as he’s not had a licence anyway. That’s like banning someone from driving because they don’t have a licence.
Customer Perception
Posted: Sat 15 May, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Thoughts Leave a comment »For some reason these anti-depressants also seem to be turning me into some kind of altruistic do-gooder. Pretty scary stuff.
Mind you, in this case I’m pretty sure I’d have dealt with it regardless, but there we go.
Anyway, in this particular instance I was at the till in the local Sainsbury’s, and behind me was an old couple, one in a wheelchair with one of the disabled trolley things on the front. They were having serious issues with getting the stuff from the trolley onto the till belt, so I offered to help them. It embarassed the woman a bit I think, to be seen as “needing assistance”, but still I did help, and got it all done with them.
The bit that pissed me off though is that this particular till was the one where the till “supervisor” stands, and at the time there were three members of Sainsbury’s staff at that position, along with the useless sack of shit known as a security guard. All three of the staff had looked at the old couple, seen they were having problems, and ignored them. Cue the red mist.
Once I was done, I got the till supervisor over, and really gave him a bollocking. I don’t know if it’ll have any effect, but I think it got through to him pretty clearly that I was deeply pissed off, that it was incredible for three staff (plus a useless lump) to watch that couple and do nothing, and for it to end up with another customer helping them out instead of the staff doing it.
My Own Policies
Posted: Fri 7 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, Politics, Thoughts 2 Comments »Thank the lord, we’re finally through all the election guff. At the time of writing this, I don’t know who’ll have won the election.
I do think, though, that a plainly-put list of policies and ideas would’ve been a far better idea than the wanky ethereal guff spouted in most of the manifestos this year. And I reckon that if a party had put forward the following list, they’d have had a pretty good chance at getting in. I could be wrong, but I figure it’d be a set of policies I’d vote for, anyway.
The policies I’d put in are (in no particular order, but as they occur to me) :
- Banning HGVs and coaches from the outside lane of all multi-carriageway roads. That would mean HGVs and coaches could overtake etc on three-lane motorways by using the inner two lanes, but wouldn’t be able to do so on dual carriageways and two-lane motorways like most of the M11
- Reducing fuel duty
- Reducing our energy imports by increasing our nuclear-power capacity and promoting green energy
- Making Inland Revenue into an efficient organisation
- Local authority management reductions
- NHS improvements – removing managers, increasing “front-line” staff
- Speaking plainly and clearly rather than evasive waffle
- [Added later, because I forgot] – Electoral reform, making it law that everyone eligible has to vote, but there is a “None of the above” option on the ballot.
- [Added later, because I forgot] – Enforcing use of fuel duty/road tax to maintain/upgrade transport and roads
- [Added later, because I forgot] – Looking at re-nationalising train service, along with investment from the above point to upgrade rail network/rolling stock
How would this be paid for? By (to a greater or lesser degree) :
- Increasing tax for earners of >£100,000
- Chasing non-dom non-taxpayers
- Increasing VAT by 2.5% to 20% – when it was dropped from 17.5 to 15% everyone said it was a piss-poor reduction – so will they complain if it increases by the same?
- Improving efficiency – not by cutting costs, but by improving efficiency and reducing red tape and crap
There’s probably other bits I could add to this, but it seems like a pretty good list so far.
Mind you, I fully expect to be ripped apart on some of these by certain readers. 🙂
Hardly a Shock
Posted: Tue 30 March, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, News Leave a comment »So, Ricky Martin has come out as gay.
And this is news?!?
Double Standards
Posted: Tue 16 March, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, Thoughts Leave a comment »A few days ago I noticed that a certain hate-filled hypocritical shitrag had a big story about how shocking the latest Lady Gaga video is. And then goes on to have screenshots in the story of all the pieces of the video for Telephone that people should be shocked or offended by.
Anyway, now it’s time to make your own mind up, as the video for Telephone is available online. Choose for yourself, not based on what the hate-rag says.
Parking – Yet Again
Posted: Wed 3 February, 2010 Filed under: Charm School, Driving, Parking 3 Comments »Another piece of residue from the weekend…
Here's a thought W642OAH- maybe you are meant to park BETWEEN the lines, not ON them
Parking – Bury St Edmunds
Posted: Tue 19 January, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Driving, Parking Leave a comment »This time, it’s a spectacular piece of parking in the Sainsbury’s at Bury St Edmunds…
That isn't a parking space, you utter twat
So yes, driver of S3NUM, you’ve been added to the Gallery Of Bell-ends. Congratulations.
A Vindictive Shit
Posted: Wed 6 January, 2010 Filed under: Animals, Charm School, Domestic 2 Comments »This morning, Psycho Cat excelled himself, the little fucker.
I’ve written before about his penchant for a “vindictive shit”, that when he’s displeased about something. It’s usually done somewhere unpleasant – previous examples have included in the office’s paper-recycling bin, under one of the desks, on a four-plug extension lead, on the bed (while we weren’t in it) and a couple of other places too. And then people wonder why we have tiled floors now.
Because I get up a lot earlier than Herself, I normally leave my clothes in the bathroom for the next day, get dressed in there so she can continue to sleep.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yes, last night the cat – unamused by (I assume) the weather and/or the fact he couldn’t get into the bedroom (we’d closed the door) – went into the bathroom and crapped all over my clothes for today. I knew as soon as I walked into the bathroom this morning – it fucking stank – but by then all you can do is handle the fallout.
So there ended up being a load in the washing machine before 7am, and I don’t want to see the cat at all for at least a week. If I do, he might just end up in the next washing load.
Unbelievable
Posted: Fri 4 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Weirdness Leave a comment »I saw a trail for this TV programme (on BBC Three, no less) earlier this week, and assumed it was just a massive piss-take where I’d missed either a) the run-up or b) the punchline.
But no, apparently it’s real. A programme called “Move like Michael Jackson“.
And if your instant thought (like mine) was “Well that’s not going to be difficult, is it?” then you’re going to Hell too.
See you there.
Jesus Venn
Posted: Thu 3 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »I can’t now remember where I saw this first, but I loved it…
Brum Again
Posted: Sun 29 November, 2009 Filed under: Business, Charm School, Customer Services, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »Today we’re off to Birmingham and the NEC again, this time for the BBC Good Food Show. It’s just been one of those months where we’ve ended up there twice. Mind you, hopefully we won’t be going back again ’til it’s time for the International Spring Fair.
The Good Food Show (and most of the others held at the NEC) is usually good, except that the NEC – and probably most other show venues as well – does insist on trying to stuff in as many exhibitors as possible. I understand that up to a point – after all, it’s good business – but it gets annoying when each aisle is wide enough for three or four people at most. That’s fine when people are moving along, but when they’re stopped at a stall and trying to either a) get to it or b) get samples of whatever’s on offer it gets ridiculous. At that point those “4-people wide” aisles become half the size (at best) because there’s people either side of them stopped and not moving.
I’m going prepared this time. No, I’m not taking a stungun – although that would be a good alternative – but I’ll be prepared to go and sit somewhere else, either with the laptop or a book, and just not get involved. It’s not ideal, because I’d actually like to be going round the stalls – but if I do that, the odds are that someone’s going to get hurt. And people, it won’t be me.
Restaurant Owner’s Rant
Posted: Sun 22 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Business, Catering, Charm School Leave a comment »It’s probably done the rounds by now anyway, but I still find this rant email from the owner of the New York restaurant “Paradou” to be pretty amazing. And not in a good way.
Basically, he’s asked the waiters and bar hosts to get email addresses for their customers – one assumes so that they can be sent marketing shite – and is unhappy (to say the least) that people don’t seem to be doing what he wants. (Although I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at the owners being tosspots, looking at how fucking horrible their website is!)
And I have to say, on the face of this email, I wouldn’t want to work for the fucker either.
Ignored
Posted: Wed 4 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services Leave a comment »Coming home last night, there was a card slotted into the door from City Link couriers, saying that there were two boxes left in our black bin.
So I look in the black bin, and this is what I’m greeted with…
Yes, this is exactly how they left it.
So yeah, thanks for that Shitty Link, you fuckwit bastards.
The Hallowe’en Paradox
Posted: Sat 31 October, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Weirdness Leave a comment »In some ways I feel the same about Hallowe’en as I do about The Festering Season. Mainly it’s the paradoxes that annoy me.
In the case of Hallowe’en, we’ll float past the crap about grown people dressing up like kids and so on.
But what gets me is this :
For most of the year (excluding the run-up to the Festering Season and Hallowe’en) children get told to not talk to strangers, not accept sweets from strangers, not accept anything, so forth, so fifth. But come the Festering Season, they’re told to talk to strangers about what they want, accept presents and all that shit. And come Hallowe’en, all of a sudden it’s fine for kids to dress up, go round the neighbourhood and knock on the doors of people they don’t know and have never met, and get sweets.
Which is – to me, anyway – just really fucking weird.
Stating the Obvious (Yet Again)
Posted: Wed 28 October, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, Thoughts 1 Comment »Monday’s verdict from the inquest into the death of three men in an RAF Puma helicopter was a perfect exercise in “No shit, sherlock”.
Apparently, “the pilot was attempting manoeuvres beyond his capabilities“.
Which is pretty obvious when you think about it. After all, the helicopter crashed.
The news coverage though was even better – and how they didn’t end up with a really rude answer, I don’t know. It’s another of those situations where I’m glad I’m not involved in this kind of idiocy, because my response would’ve been rude, insensitive and many other things.
At one point the reporter asked “So was the helicopter flying too low?”. Of course it fucking was, it ended up flying into the ground.
Priorities
Posted: Wed 30 September, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, News, Thoughts 2 Comments »Today I’ve found myself repeatedly annoyed by news coverage.
There appear to be two main stories today :
- Tsunamis kill at least 90 people in Pacific
- The Sun newspaper changes allegiance from Labour to Conservative
Yet every media outlet I’ve seen today has those stories in the opposite order, and that annoys me.
Somehow, UK politics appear to have taken precedence over (at least) 90 people being killed.
It’s Fucking September
Posted: Sun 27 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Festering Season 2 Comments »I’m seriously thinking (allbeit for next year now) of getting some big stickers printed up that just say
For christ’s sake, it’s still only fucking September!
Where will I use them? In supermarkets, when they’re already selling Christmas cake, pudding, mince pies, and general Festive Tat.
I mean seriously, we haven’t even got the bloody Hallowe’en stuff out in some of the shops – let alone feckin’ fireworks – and yet there we are, all the food and tat for the Festering Season is on the shelves already.
One of the local garden centres even has on display all the chavtastic house-decoration shit.
It’s fucking September. I despair.
Abandoned 2
Posted: Sun 20 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Driving, Parking, People, Stupidity 5 Comments »The same Tesco carpark as my previous post about arsewit parking, but this time it’s just *so* much more impressive. In this case, I’ve left the bell-end’s number-plate in view too. Screw it, parking like this needs to be recorded and credited to the correct knob-head.
Of course, it just had to be a BMW driver, didn’t it?
So bad it's hard to believe
Yep, not even just half-over the line – but parked up in a completely hatched off zone right next to the pedestrian crossing.
In this case I can’t deny it, I went in and spoke to the staff about it – the driver got a telling-off from them too. Seems fair to me.
Artistic Copyright etc.
Posted: Mon 14 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School Leave a comment »I still love Charlie Brooker.
This week’s summation by him of artistic integrity, rights, and copyrights is spot-on.
The arrest may not be Hirst’s fault, but sod it: let’s appropriate any resultant outrage and apply it to him anyway. Cartrain’s almost certainly a self-promoting gump and a poor man’s Banksy – but he’s 19, for heaven’s sake. He’s allowed to be an almost impossible arse.
But you’ll have to read the article to see how the above quote fits in with the one below…
In its heyday, the Radio 1 Sunday evening Top 40 countdown constituted the biggest file-sharing portal in British history, with millions of users hooked up simultaneously, mercilessly downloading content to their tape decks.
Un-fucking-Believable (Part 4)
Posted: Mon 7 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, National Express East Anglia, Sweary, Travel Leave a comment »Following on from the rest of the story, today was the day that NEEA put the prices way up for my ticket from Attleborough to London.
The sole explanation of this anywhere on the station platform was one sheet of A4 paper wrapped in plastic sticky-taped to one noticeboard, which explained (and I may be paraphrasing slightly here…)
Because we’re profiteering fuckwit bastards, the line between Norwich and Cambridge has now been deemed a ‘peak-line’ train, which means we’ll rip you the fuck off for a full-price ticket until 10am.
This is to bring this service in line with other services leaving London. In other words, live with it, and we’ll take your money. Suckers.
The excuse of ‘bringing this service in line with others leaving London’ would be almost fine, if it weren’t for one or two very fucking significant points.
Point the First
The line between Cambridge and Norwich doesn’t go anywhere near London. At all. To travel to/from London, you’ve got to change first at Cambridge or Norwich. There is NO direct service.
Point the Second
Off-Peak tickets for leaving london only apply (according to NEEA’s own T&Cs) for trains arriving in London before 10am. The 7.55am service gets in to London Kings Cross at – um – 10.15am. Leaving at 7.55, in fact, there is no fucking way I can get to London before 10am.
In most cases the off peak day travelcard is not available for travel on trains arriving in London* before 1000 or departing from London before 0930. Travel is also not permitted on services departing from London* between 1629 and 1834 Monday to Friday, except for travel to stations between Hatfield Peverel and Braintree inclusive on the 1636 departure from London.
So all told, it just looks like a massive profiteering move on NEEA‘s part to double the prices and grab as much profit as humanly possible.
In the meantime, I’ve complained to NEEA direct, although I’m willing to bet that they don’t even bother responding. I’ll add the complaint letter as a post on D4D™ sometime this week, just for fun. I’m also going to be writing properly, rather than just in email – and I suspect a copy might make it’s way to the local papers etc. too…
NHS Staffing
Posted: Thu 3 September, 2009 Filed under: Business, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, Health, News, Thoughts 2 Comments »Today there’s a lot of coverage about a suggestion to reduce the workforce of the NHS by 10% – and the resultant kerfuffle between Government, the NHS, and management consultants.
Currently the Government is saying that they have rejected this advice by McKinsey and Company, (Never heard of ’em? Me either.) which included closing 137,000 clinical and admin posts in order to save £20bn by 2014.
I’m pretty sure I could show how to save the NHS that much money by 2014, without losing a single clinical staff member.
Mind you, it would involve getting rid of shitloads of middle-managers, consultants, and fuckstick accountants. And of course that’s a plan that would never achieve approval – because it’s got to go through all those levels of shitbag middle-managers, consultants and fuckstick accountants before it can happen. And those self-serving fuckers are never going to do themselves out of a job. (Which is the same reason the “paperless office” will never happen)
I’m not suggesting getting rid of all the managers, as I think most people would agree that there need to be some of the buggers around, if only in order to make sure that the clinical professionals don’t drown in paperwork and procedures in the meantime. (Although of course if you get rid of enough of the middle-managers, you probably get to eliminate a whole host of the bullshit paperwork at the same time – sorry, it’s “streamlining” now isn’t it, not “getting rid of the shit”)
Still, wield a big enough axe, drop it from high enough, I’m pretty sure it’d still work…
Idiocy
Posted: Mon 24 August, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Stupidity, Thoughts 7 Comments »Having read this story about a rescue helicopter that couldn’t land because some people wouldn’t get out of the way (and thus endangered themselves by being in the way of the rotors) I think we’re just too nice to idiots.
In this case, once people have been told to get out the way, it’s their responsibility to do so. If they fail to do so, and don’t take into account bloody great (unmissable) rotor blades above them, then they’re idiots and thus accept all responsibility for any accidents and/or damage that occur as a result.
As I see it, people need to take more personal responsibility, rather than letting others do it for them. If you do something stupid, and your excuse is “Well nobody told me not to”, then sorry, but you damn well deserve to have been hurt.
It’s Coming…
Posted: Sat 22 August, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Festering Season, Thoughts Leave a comment »Tonight, “The X-Factor” returns to Saturday Night TV. “Oh joy, oh happiness, oh bliss” etc. etc. in a suitably sarcastic tone of voice.
Not just a celebration of lip-syncing, unoriginality, freakshow auditions and an almost terminal lack of talent (in the presenters and judges as well as competitors) it’s also the first sign that yes, the Festering Season is soon(ish) to be upon us.
Fucking Hell, 2009’s going past fast…
Poll-Fixing
Posted: Fri 21 August, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Stupidity Leave a comment »(via Yorkshire Soul)
I wouldn’t normally add a link to a hate-mongering bigoted shit-rag (also known as the Daily Mail) but in this case I will.
Go to this survey (about halfway down the page) and vote Yes. The survey asks “Should the public fund a trans-gender police support group?”
Currently, the “Yes” result is pegging about 77%. Go on, fuck with the heads of Daily Mail readers – It’s certainly not the result they were expecting…
PR Words to Ban
Posted: Tue 4 August, 2009 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Creativity, Thoughts Leave a comment »Just a quickie, but I love this TechCrunch article about “10 words I would love to see banned from press releases”
Thankfully I don’t get too many press releases, but I see enough of them online that I have to agree with pretty much all of what’s been said in this one…
Wembley Stadium Parking Revisited
Posted: Thu 9 July, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, D4D™, Music, Reviews(ish), Wembley Stadium Parking 1 Comment »Ten days ago (roughly) I was at Wembley Stadium, and at the end of the evening had a total farce of a time getting out of the car parks. The following morning, I sent off a complaint email to both CS Parking and Wembley Stadium’s “customer services” people.
In fairness to CS Parking, I got a response back pretty quickly from the MD of the company – impressive in itself – after which there was a fairly long email ‘conversation’ about what had happened. That all got closed off by last Friday (i.e. a week after the even) and was all fine. I still think the parking situation is
- Shit
- Unmanaged for people leaving Wembley Stadium
- Farcical
but I can at least now understand why it’s shit, unmanaged, and a total Grade One ClusterFuck.
Wembley Stadium’s customer services, on the other hand, have only just come back to me today, and their email is rather more of a “Not our problem, mate. Go complain to someone else” effort…
All event day parking is managed by a contracted 3rd party; City & Suburban Parking in partnership with the local authority Brent Council and the Metropolitan Police.
The official car parks were full, accommodating in excess of 3,000 cars and in addition there were approx 3,000 cars parked in unauthorised car parks and a further 1,000 vehicles collecting from the area after the concert. As a result of the high volume of traffic, there were delays clearing the car parks the main car parks were not clear until 1½ hours after the end of the concert. We do not believe that these delays are acceptable however the local roads are under the control of Brent Council, not Wembley Stadium. We will be reviewing the exit plans with Brent Council and the Metropolitan Police for future concert events.
Thank you once again for contacting us. We hope you will be able to visit Wembley Stadium again in the future.
Considering that I’ve since had comments here on D4D from people who had the same problem with Wembley Stadium’s Parking after the Take That concerts, I think it’s fair to say that you’re actually far better off if you can avoid using the car parking at Wembley Stadium. Well, either that or make use of the “pirate” car parks around the stadium, rather than the Stadium’s piece-of-shit “official” car parking.
Complaint to Wembley Stadium’s Parking people
Posted: Sat 27 June, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Driving, Wembley Stadium Parking 7 Comments »Ah, I do love writing letters of complaint. In this case, it’s about the car parking at Wembley Stadium, and the exit nightmare…
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to you to complain in the strongest possible terms about the farcical car-parking situation at Wembley Stadium. I understand that it is primarily a “public transport” venue – however, National Express don’t do coaches to anywhere within 40 miles of my location, so driving was the only way to come to Wembley Stadium.
Last night, after the AC/DC concert, we left the Stadium by 11pm, and didn’t get to leave the car-park ’til 12.15am. 75 minutes to get out of a car-park (we were in Green Car Park, on Level 4, so there was only one ramp to go down in order to exit the venue) is simply not an acceptable time. The O2 manages to get people out within ten minutes, mainly because they have parking attendants guiding and managing the traffic.
In a venue like Wembley Stadium, where so much thought has been given to managing the flow of people out of the stadium, it’s deeply bizarre to then have absolutely no thought or management of the car parking. Getting away from the Stadium is, by necessity, the last thing one remembers: it is the freshest memory, and colours the judgement of the entire event. In this case, while the concert itself was fantastic, the parking and exit strategy is going to be enough to make me severely reluctant to visit Wembley Stadium again. I would rather go to a venue like the O2 where the exit policy is smooth, organised and rapid than go to Wembley Stadium where it is nothing short of farcical and shambolic. Paying £25 for the privilege of being stuck for an hour and a quarter is just adding insult to injury, I’m afraid.
I look forward to hearing your response to this complaint.
Sincerely
Lyle
See, and not a swearword in place! I wonder what the response will be?
Yuck 2
Posted: Fri 12 June, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Geeky, Weirdness Leave a comment »In other news, Panasonic have released a very strange (and really quite creepy) prototype for a new remote control unit.
This conceptual gel remote from Panasonic lays limp when not in use, pulsating with a soft light. But when its sensors detect a hand coming, it stiffens, ready for action!
Thankfully, it’s a prototype and not released yet – otherwise I’d have thought twice about buying the new Panasonic DVD-Player/Speakers I’ve just got…
Ross Kemp
Posted: Tue 2 June, 2009 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts Leave a comment »I notice on Sky that they’re doing a programme/series called “Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates“.
Now, can we just get “Ross Kemp held to Ransom”, make it a public appeal (in the vein of JustGiving or whatever) and see just how many people actually want to see the tosspot get released.
Mind you, I suspect more people would pay to see the twat tied up and in fear of his life than would pay to see him freed and/or on TV again.
Forecaster
Posted: Thu 21 May, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Sweary Leave a comment »(via Sevitz)
Now this is how a weather forecast should be done.
When can we get the BBC weather to be like this?
April Fools – What He Said
Posted: Wed 1 April, 2009 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »My attitude to April Fools day really can be summed up by the words of John Scalzi…
I will not be trying to fool you all here today. Rather, I will feed you lies and disinformation on any day I damn well feel like doing it. I may have done it already, in fact. You don’t know. You will never know. That’s what makes it fun.
That is all.
Yup – what he said.
Misguided Motivations
Posted: Tue 31 March, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »As I may have mentioned before, sometimes a phrase or quote from someone just leaves me bemused, and wondering what the hell they were thinking at the time.
This happened to me again yesterday, reading the story about how a communications officer for British Transport Police lied about a significant fact, which then caused a delay in finding the body of a missing woman.
He wrongly claimed to Essex Police that trains were fitted with sensors that would detect any collision on the line. This affected the police’s “perception of the likelihood of Natasha being on the railway lines”, the report said.
“The communications officer admitted he lied to an Essex police officer, initially telling IPCC officers that he did so to end the call which would allow him to get on with his job, and that he actually had no knowledge of train sensors,” the report said.
Now really, you’ve just got to wonder about the motivation there, haven’t you?
I guess it could be paraphrased as “I told a lie so I could get rid of the call, and go back to doing something else. Sure, the call was about a missing 17-year-old girl, but that wasn’t my problem or my job.”
I just think the entire thing’s weird, let alone the motivation for using that as an explanation of why he made that mistake…
Parking
Posted: Mon 30 March, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, D4D™ Leave a comment »Today’s XKCD comic is just great.
It also probably sums up at least one reason why Herself will never allow me near oxy-acetylene cutting gear…
Uncharitable 2
Posted: Fri 13 March, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »“It’s Comic Relief day! We’ve all got to ‘Do Something Funny For Money'”
“Tell you what. Go fall under a bus. I’ll laugh.”
Uncharitable
Posted: Fri 13 March, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism 2 Comments »*mutter*
*snarl*
Red Bastard Nose Day
*grunt*
Although it is amusing to have a charity day on Friday 13th, in my opinion. Now if only something vile could befall those who come in to work in fancy dress.
“Smile! It’s for Charideeeeeeeeee”
“Fuck off”
Nottingham Snow
Posted: Mon 2 February, 2009 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »(via Mike TD)
Yet again, Nottingham shows its class in the snow. (Screengrab from the market square webcam)
Changing Passwords
Posted: Tue 13 January, 2009 Filed under: Charm School, Geeky, Sweary 2 Comments »When faced with passwords that needs to be changed on a regular basis, one thing I always seem to forget is the relevance of timing.
After all, you don’t have to change it as soon as the stupid little dialogue box comes up to tell you to change it. At that point, you’ve still got (usually) a week or two to change it before everything goes tits-up.
So I need to remember that whatever else happens, don’t change it on a bloody Friday. Because then I bugger off for the weekend, and come Monday morning I don’t have a single bloody clue what I changed the frigging thing to. It usually takes about ten attempts to remember what the hell it was. Sometimes it also depends on what my mood was like when I changed it, which can have a knock-on effect in whether the password is sweary (which results in passwords like ‘cuntflaps’) or not.(resulting in words like ‘prestidigitate’) Both of those have been passwords in the past, by the way – but they’re not the current ones. (obviously)
I did remember it in the end (for once it was a non-sweary one) but it’s something I really need to learn to remember…
Chargeable
Posted: Tue 30 December, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Thoughts 1 Comment »How come people who call 999 for stupid reasons like these don’t get charged with wasting police time?
One would hope that having the threat of actually being charged and getting a criminal record for excessive fuckwittery might actually be some kind of incentive to these bell-ends to think before dialling.
Over recent times, I have actually called the police (or emergency services) three times
- One was for an accident that we’d just driven past, and that was obviously extremely recent. For that, I used 999
- One was to check whether I needed to report an accident involving a deer – I know some car accidents involving animals need reporting, I didn’t know whether deer were one of those. (They’re not). For that, I used the non-emergency number.
- The final one was to report the overnight theft of a neighbour’s stone horse-head wall statue things. Neighbour was away, we’d seen/heard nothing ’til the morning. Guess which number I used? Yep – non-emergency again.
I simply can’t imagine calling 999 because a pizza company has put the wrong toppings on my pizza, or to ask about shop opening times. I assume that some people are so self-centred that anything they need to do is “an emergency” so they use an emergency number. Bell-ends, the lot of ’em.
Open Letter
Posted: Thu 18 December, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts 3 Comments »To the gobby Australian at the Tracy Chapman concert on Monday night:
Look, in all honesty I just don’t care about how you feel so hard done by for having to work a late shift on your birthday, and an early the morning after. I particularly don’t care upon your fourth repetition of the same information. Equally, I don’t give a damn about whether you think that an accountant would be someone good to marry, “because they’ve got a boring job”. (Note, I don’t understand the logic of it either, but I’m working on not thinking about the idiot antipodean bint’s inanity)
As for your abysmal punctuation skills, I’m hard pressed as to be more gobsmacked at the fact you were quite happy for the entire back row of the Hammersmith Apollo to know you were that easy, or the fact that you can’t spell/punctuate, and thus don’t know whether you’ve upset your one-night paramour. The fact that he “thanked you for last night” by text message, along with a desire for a re-match post-Festering-Season was enough for me, regardless of your response of “No thank you”, when you meant “No, thank you!”. No-one cared that you were a) an idiot, and b) a slapper, but you still felt the need to broadcast both pieces of information at great volume.
We all noticed how hard-done by you are to not be able to return to Australia four times a year, the way your (obviously much more highly-paid) sister can, and yet not one person managed to summon up any sympathy. Hell, even the friends you were shouting at talking to didn’t care enough to do anything except let you carry on making yourself look like a shallow twat.
However, I suspect that I wasn’t the only one who found the irony amusing of your tale of your neighbour having been taken ill and the ward nurse telling you she couldn’t give information about a patient’s medical status as you a) weren’t family and b) it was unethical to divulge medical details – only to then tell everyone in earshot about how he’d had some kind of liver failure, and was on 15-minute observations, along with a large amount more information I can’t be arsed to recall right now. I assume you got the information through your work as a nurse – I think it was at Barts, but you mentioned so many hospitals where friends worked, I lost the ability to care or recall which was which – but to then be busy broadcasting it again in a public venue, well, it almost made me wish your supervisors were there too.
As it happened, some people were trying to hear the support act – not your Australian foghorn. No-one else cared about your life – much as you didn’t appear to care about anything resembling privacy, consideration, or any concept of “unsuitable conversations for a public space”.
In short, shut up and fuck off. No-one cares.
Secret Satan
Posted: Mon 24 November, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Festering Season 1 Comment »Sometimes, you just have to love ScaryDuck. Today is one of those days.
The post “On Christmas Cheer really does take some beating. An ace idea for the office Christmas Party.
Brand/RossGate
Posted: Mon 3 November, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, News, Thoughts 2 Comments »I’m going to come into this one a bit late, now that the hype around Russell Brand,Jonathon Ross, and those phone calls has faded a wee bit.
First of all, I didn’t hear the calls when they went out. Secondly, I’m not a great fan of either Brand or Ross, as I tend to think they’re both pretty much complete cocks at the best of times.
However, I don’t think that Brand deserved to lose his job (resign, quit, whatever – he still lost his job) for being a cock. I don’t think that Ross deserved a three-month suspension for being a cock. I do think that the producers of Brand’s show should have been fired – something which I don’t know whether it’s happened or not – as the calls were pre-recorded, and should’ve been checked pre-broadcast. And I think that the R2 controller should’ve fired the producers, not quit herself.
My personal opinion is just that the entire thing was Daily Mail-fuelled spite and hysteria (not for the first time) considering that at time of broadcast, a grand total of two people complained, and the complaints only exploded in number once the Daily Bigot had gone up in arms about it. (As usual, the Guardian’s Charlie Brooker sums it up far better than I ever could)
Yes, Brand and Ross are utter cocks. But they’re paid to be utter cocks. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is up for debate – if I had control of a radio station, I wouldn’t employ them, but as I don’t, I’m left with the option to just not bother listening to them, or watching them. Which is in fact pretty much what I do. And that, so far as I can see it, is how things should be – we can all make the choice of who to listen to – and if we want to complain about something they’ve said, then fine – but at least complain about something that you’ve heard, not what some hate-mongering bigoted black-shirt rag tells you to complain about, or be offended by.
Electoral Prejudice
Posted: Fri 17 October, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Weirdness Leave a comment »I’ve been fairly good about not mentioning the US Presidential Election campaign, but Holy Jesus Fuck, sometimes Americans scare me.
Some of the sentiments in this report are just bizarre – you have to wonder how people get to be so bigoted and prejudiced. Very, very scary viewing.
Staying in Business
Posted: Mon 13 October, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Sweary 1 Comment »Sometimes I wonder how some companies stay in business at all. I’ve recently had two perfect examples of this.
1. Three months ago, I ordered something from a bunch of shysters called Urban Junkie. When it hadn’t turned up after a month, I chased them up, and on the third chase-up, finally got a response.
“I have checked your order, unfortunately the item has gone out of stock and is not due back in for a few more weeks. No payment has ben taken and we fully understand if you wish to cancel due to the delay.
Sorry for the inconvenience.”
And that’s been it. Two more months and no word at all.
So I’ve cancelled the order.
2. Back when I was using the bunch of shyster twunts known as Parasol IT (I’ve now had £1800 of tax refunds for two consecutive tax years because of Parasol’s inefficiency – that’s £150 per month for two years that they were fucking up) I also got a stakeholder pension through one of their related companies.
Since leaving Parasol, I’ve told Parasol Financials on no less than four occasions that I’ve left Parasol, and need the details of the pension so I can keep on paying in to it. Last week they called, denied having ever heard from me about leaving Parasol (although that soon changed once I forwarded them copies of the emails, and replies to them) and getting quite snotty.
The snottiness changed when I then asked them to send me details, and asked what address they held for me. And (again despite repeated updates from me to them) the address was still the one in fucking Bracknell. From two years ago. Useless twats.
So yes, needless to say, I think I’ll be pulling the pension out from Parasol Financial’s control ASAP.
Really, you just have to wonder how organisations like these stay in business, don’t you?
At Long Last
Posted: Sat 20 September, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic Leave a comment »We’ve finally received confirmation from Anglian Water that we are now allowed to use our water again.
This farce has only been going on since mid-April.
About fucking time.
Vindication
Posted: Fri 19 September, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic 1 Comment »Sometimes (as I’ve said before) you get a customer services call, and you just know that it’s going to be fun. (You may also want to hover over the links to see the full URLs for them. Up to you, of course.)
Today’s example:
“Hello, is that [Lyle]”
“Yes”
“A couple of weeks ago, you called Anglian Water. Do you mind answering a few questions about that?”
[rubs hands in glee]
“Not at all.”
“Ok. Now, what did you call Anglian Water about?”
“I called because Anglian Water had sent me the half-yearly bill for water rates. Considering Anglian Water has insisted that we can’t use their water now for six months, I thought that was taking the piss. So I called the customer services people.”
“Ah. And did the call go through immediately?”
“No. Once we’d gone through the AVR system, the phone rang for a good ten minutes before getting answered.”
“Oh. And was the customer services person helpful?”
“No. In fact, he was so sarcastic, I lodged a complaint about him with his supervisor. Who, in fairness, has been very very good.”
“Ooookkkkkk. So would you say that Anglian Water‘s customer services handled the call well?”
“Well, that depends. If it were any other company, I’d say that their handling of the call was abysmal. But with my experience with Anglian Water, I’d say that this call was about normal.”
“[laughs]. So you’re not a fan, then?”
“Put it this way. I currently think Anglian Water‘s sole purpose on this planet is to give estate agents someone to look down on.”
“OK, thanks”
“You’re not going to put that on the sheet of paper, are you?”
“Oh, I have done. Thanks, you’ve been very entertaining.”
Pants
Posted: Thu 28 August, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism 1 Comment »On the BBC today, this story of a man who found his phone banking password had been changed made me laugh.
Pissed off with the twunts at Lloyds TSB, the man changed his password to (a remarkably tame) “Lloyds are pants”. And someone within Lloyds changed it to “no, they’re not”. Even better, he then wasn’t allowed to change it back, and wasn’t allowed to have “Barclays is better”.
“The rules seemed to change, and they told me it had to be one word, so I tried ‘censorship’, but they didn’t like that, and then said it had to be no more than six letters long.”
Now if it were me, at that point I’d have chosen “Fkwitz” and insisted that it was my great-grandmother’s maiden name. But then, I’m malevolent like that.
Also, no-one has yet raised the issue that actually, it looks like Lloyds TSB staff can see your entire password. Which isn’t particularly secure, is it?
The man is a god
Posted: Mon 18 August, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »Charlie Brooker spouts forth about the London Olympics in comparison to the Beijing Olympics.
Yet even as my eyes took delight in the colour and magic, my spirits sank. I’m no patriot, but I feared for our national pride come the 2012 London Olympics. How the hell are we going to top a display like that?
Our plans currently consist of six roman candles, Bernie Clifton riding his ostrich, and some Britain’s Got Talent prick-a-ma-boob beatboxing on a trampoline. It would be less shameful if we all marched into the arena one by one, dropped our trousers, yanked our bumcheeks apart and let the entire globe gaze right up our apertures for an hour, while the Kaiser Chiefs perform their latest single in the background.
If nothing else, it would give the rest of the planet something to think about.They’d never mess with us again, that’s for damn sure.
© Charlie Brooker/Guardian Newspapers 2008
I’ll be back in a bit – I just have to get Sprite out of my sinuses.
Something Wrong…
Posted: Thu 10 July, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Driving 4 Comments »There’s got to be something wrong with the picture, when you see a BSM Driving School Instructor (In his BSM-logoed car) making a total mess of a roundabout, being in the wrong lane, and then cutting up another driver (to whit, me) in order to get to the correct place.
It does make you wonder how many of that instructor’s pupils fail though…
Mail Down
Posted: Wed 2 July, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Geeky 2 Comments »Currently, it’s looking like the mail server for 34sp.com is totally down. [UPDATED : The service was broken on my reseller server, rather than 34sp as a whole. It’s also now fixed.]
I can’t send or receive email at all when using their services/servers, and haven’t been able to since last night.
Calling their support line, it does amuse me that the musical hold I ended up with was the Muppets theme song. Somehow you’ve just got to love a company with that kind of humour.
Litrucy
Posted: Wed 18 June, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism 5 Comments »Is it better to be worried, or just depressed, when you get an email from an IT agency with the subject line…
Great Oppertunity!
Spammer
Posted: Fri 23 May, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, D4D™, Weirdness Leave a comment »I don’t normally bother to write much about spam – partly because I get a fair amount of it (although D4D™ doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere near as much as it used to – anyone else noticed their blogs not getting so many spam comments?) and mainly because well, it’s just rubbish.
But one arrived this morning which just made me chuckle. No good reason except for a very childish sense of humour.
From: Morgan Wang.
Subject : Natural Impotence Supplement
Yes, impotence supplements coming from a Wang. I’m saying no more.
Parking a BMW
Posted: Wed 21 May, 2008 Filed under: BMW Drivers, Charm School, Cynicism, Driving, Thoughts 5 Comments »[Note: This is one of those posts I’ve kept on meaning to write, and it’s been lagging in my brain for about a month now]
As regular readers (Assuming there are any, still) of D4D™ will know, I’m really not a great fan of BMW users. OK, let’s be honest, I think that the massive majority (roughly 99.5% of ’em) of BMW owners are total dickheads. Those rare few BMW owners who aren’t complete tosswads? Exceptions to the rule, that’s it. You’ll also note that I tend to not refer to them as “drivers”. (“Arseholes” or “Wankers” is a far more probably piece of terminology)
One of the people in my current office is – you’ve guessed it – a BMW user. Every day – every day he rolls up in the carpark, and plonks his (small) BMW slap-bang over the separating line, so his car takes up two spaces, with half a car’s-width of space either side. It’s completely intentional – I don’t know why he does it, but he does it every day.
Thankfully, the car-park isn’t short of spaces, so this cock’s behaviour doesn’t actually inconvenience people for the most part. But it’s just so indicative of BMW owners, like their cars are something special, and should be treated differently from all others.
And in fairness, I do treat it differently to the other cars. Because I really want to key it, to scratch the shit out of this bell-end’s oh-so-previous paintwork. And I never feel like that about cars. Except for this one.
Table Habits
Posted: Fri 18 April, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, News 1 Comment »One of the funniest things I’ve read in a while is here – about food-eating habits that people have.
While the article itself is fairly amusing on the subject, the comments underneath it are well worth reading in their own right.
Slanguage
Posted: Fri 11 April, 2008 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »You’ve got to love it when a girl asks for “a cab, innit?” and receives a display cabinet rather than the taxi she was expecting…
Ferndale Lodge
Posted: Tue 8 April, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism Leave a comment »Just under a month ago, I ordered a couple of things from Ferndale Lodge for Herself’s birthday, which should’ve arrived in plenty of time.
Except, of course, one thing didn’t. One delivery came nice and quickly, all sorted – and on the delivery note it said that the other item had been “despatched seperately”. OK, still two weeks before Herself’s birthday, so it should still get here.
Except, of course, it didn’t. Two weeks passed, and nothing arrived.
I emailed Ferndale Lodge on Friday, expecting some kind of response so I could know what was going on. Nothing.
Having given them a fair crack of the whip at answering, I called them today and (eventually) got through. Turns out they were out of stock of this particular item, and just couldn’t be arsed to tell their customers. Their systems don’t integrate with the website, so if it’s out of stock, you can still order it, and they’ll just send it out when they get more stock.
Now it’s fair enough to put things on back-order, I don’t mind that. But all the same, it would also still be nice if Ferndale Lodge at least considered letting their customers know that, rather than just annoying them by ignoring the problem and hoping it’ll go away.
Supposedly, everything will now be delivered by the weekend.
I’m not going to hold my breath.
Still Talking
Posted: Fri 4 April, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Driving 2 Comments »Driving to work yesterday, I spent half the journey in front of some cock who was talking into his mobile the entire way. I don’t normally want to see the police while I’m driving (not that I have a problem with them, but well – they’re never a happy sight) but damn I wanted to see one during that drive.
It amazes me still that people just think it’s OK to talk and drive. Personally, I aim to never use the phone – in fact I’ve only done so once, when the person called me back four times in a row without leaving a message, and that was when the road was straight, clear, and dual carriageway with no traffic coming the other way. I think the call lasted twenty seconds all told. Even then, it wasn’t OK to do, but was less distracting than the repeated calls.
All the same, fifteen-minute calls are taking the piss.
Valentine’s
Posted: Thu 14 February, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism 1 Comment »Another year, another February 14th. Another dollop of crap overpriced cards, flowers, and blah blah.
And another year with the title bar image of Al Capone’s Valentine’s Day Massacre. My kind of Feb 14 celebration.
Redesign
Posted: Mon 7 January, 2008 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Weirdness 2 Comments »No, not here.
I noticed the other day though that my bank had decided to arbitrarily redesign their online banking log-on area, so that it looked very different from how it used to, yet they hadn’t said anything about it.
Now, when everyone’s banging on about identity theft and phishing scams that direct you to copies of banking sites etc. and get you to add in all your normal log-in details, don’t you think it would’ve been smart to actually let their customers know that they were redesigning it, rather than just doing it and pushing it out to the world? Particularly in the week before Christmas, when customers are likely to
- be using the site more often
- be rather more sensitive than usual to the risk of losing their details/money to some phishing scumbag scammer?
I spoke to their customer services department about it – partly because I wanted to verify I wasn’t falling to some DNS-redirection hack or whatever, but mainly because it just struck me as such a monumentally fucking stupid thing to do – and their response was
Oh yes, I suppose we should’ve done that, shouldn’t we? Oh well, too late now.
Admittedly, I’m paraphrasing slightly – but not by much. The first sentence is verbatim, the second is paraphrased.
Santa Balls
Posted: Tue 18 December, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Festering Season Leave a comment »(via Random Acts of Reality)
Finally, a company whose ideas about the Festering Season match mine. In fact, I could even be persuaded by at least one of their christmas decorations. I just wish I’d known about them before now.
Ah well, there are plans afoot for the 2008 Festering Season (of which more later in the month) so I’d best make sure I keep the information on Santa Balls ’til then.
Ho fuckin’ ho, indeed.
Festering Charm School #2
Posted: Mon 10 December, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Festering Season, Work-related Leave a comment »How to upset people around the Festering Season – the second in a number of lessons.
On receipt of a christmas card from a colleague. (Note: Doesn’t matter whether you like them or not)
“Great, thanks.”
[Buzz, Whirr (The sound of the office shredder in action)]
Note :The office recycling bin works just as well in this situation
Festering Charm School #1
Posted: Sat 8 December, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Festering Season 2 Comments »How to upset people around the Festering Season – the first in a number of lessons.
(Note : This one was witnessed by me, not said by me)
“Oh, congratulations, I didn’t know. When’re you due?”
“I’m not pregnant.”
[Frosty Silence]
1 Month to go…
Posted: Mon 26 November, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Festering Season, Travel Leave a comment »Just think, this time next month the Festering Season will be over, and we can all go back to “normality” once more.
Of course, the coming month is one of ridiculous work levels and travelling – on Friday we’re at the BBC Good Food Show in Birmingham, on Saturday we’re down in Esher for something for Herself, and on Sunday – hmm, what’s Sunday? – oh yeah, Herself is doing a craft show locally. Then in a couple of weekends time we’re down in Reading for the Saturday night – being sociable etc.
There’s also a whole bundle of other things going on, but that’s the main stuff I can recall for now.
Still, one month to go. Not that I’m counting or anything, you understand…
Long-Term Residents
Posted: Wed 12 September, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Travel, Weirdness 1 Comment »I must admit, on my first reading of the story yesterday of the couple who have been living for 22 years in a Travelodge hotel (and I use that term very loosely) my first reaction was “Why?!?”, closely followed by “Freaks.”
It’s taken me a good 24 hours to get past that reaction- and if I’m honest, it still comes back to that on occasion. Personally, I couldn’t stay in a Travelodge for 22 days, let alone 22 years. I’ve written before about staying in one, and about their dodgy booking practices (although that appears to have stopped now) – but I have to admit that they’re comfortable to sleep in, if nowt else.
However, seeing one of the quotes from the couple, I can understand their motivation a bit more.
“The Travelodge room suits us so much better than our first-floor flat in Sheffield, which has no disabled access for Jean. It’s important as she now suffers from a bone disease and uses a wheelchair.”
Now yeah, fair enough – their disabled access isn’t bad at all, usually.
But still, twenty-two years in a Travelodge. Fucking hell. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Overtaking
Posted: Fri 7 September, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Driving, Travel, Weirdness 3 Comments »Over the last few weeks, as I’ve said before, I’ve been doing a lot of driving – commuting between home and Cambridge, roughly 110 miles per day. In that time I’ve also seen a huge dollop of bad driving. I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver – Gawd knows, I’ve made enough mistakes as well in that time. But there’s a couple of things that drive me mental every time I see them, and they both involve overtaking. Just for reference, this is usually done on motorways and dual-carriageways, rather than single-carriageway roads.
First, I don’t get the entire thing of starting an overtaking manoeuvre and then indicating. It drives me potty. OK, it’s slightly better than the tosspot BMW drivers who all appear to have their indicators turned off by default.
Second – and this is the big one – is the people who pull out to overtake, and then either stick at 5mph above whatever vehicle they’re overtaking (and so take forever to do it) or even worse, slow down! Why? What’s the fucking point? Well, except for being the sort of selfish festering bell-end who enjoys blocking up lanes and screwing things up for other road-users, of course.
Regular Dumping
Posted: Fri 27 July, 2007 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism 1 Comment »You really have to wonder about some people, don’t you?
Not content with taking a shit out in public, this guy apparently made a habit of it, ‘regularly’ getting caught short. Sorry, but if it’s a regular occurrence, then be prepared for it, you know?
Swearage
Posted: Sat 21 July, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, D4D™, Sweary Leave a comment »Every so often, I realise that my swearing is becoming too commonplace, and it’s losing any useful impact or utility. It’s not a process I’m conscious of in general, but I do always suddenly get to a point where I think “that’s too much, it’s getting boring now.”
So I’m now going to cut it right back down again – I was going to cut it out completely, but there’s a big project at work that’s due for a deadline of the end of August, so there’s no chance of it being a complete cut-out.
But the plan is that I’ll be cutting it right back down from now, but definitely for the entire of August. It also means that I get to play (yet again) with new swear-words to replace the old standards, and that is almost as much fun in its own right.
Updating
Posted: Fri 20 July, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Geeky, Sweary 7 Comments »One thing I do very irregularly is update software. A case in point is iTunes. Or “Fucking iTunes”, as it’s known in this house.
Now fair enough, I get why a program can’t be running while it upgrades itself. That’s fine. It makes sense.
But in the name of all that’s fucking holy, why the blue blazing shit does iTunes need to shut down Fucking Microsoft Outlook while it upgrades?!? I could understand (ish) restarting a web browser. But email? (And yes, before any techie spod gets a hold on this one, I know poxy Outlook uses the IE rendering engine for HTML emails – well , until Outlook’07, anyway – but that’s a rant for another day. Oh yes.)
Even more annoying, if I tell it to “Ignore” the problem with Outlook, it goes back, tries again – and still insists that Outlook gets shut down. Apple has the funniest fucking perspective on the word “Ignore”, doesn’t it?
And then, not content with fucking about with poxy bloody email, once the upgrade is over and done with, it tells me it also needs to restart the entire fucking PC. Why?!?
And when all’s said and done, what sits there in the fucking system tray again? Oh yes, it’s Quicktime. Which I drop from the system tray every bastard time, because it’s a system-hungry piece of shit that doesn’t pissing bastard well need to be running every time I start the PC. If I want a fucking Quicktime movie to play, I’ll wait the extra ten bloody seconds for the fucking thing to start. That’s fine. I don’t care. But stop running in my fucking system tray all the time, you bastard piece of crap.
And then people reckon I should buy an iPod as well. Fucking Apple. I wouldn’t touch their hardware with a syphilitic leper’s dick.
Terrorism Bollocks
Posted: Thu 5 July, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Security, Thoughts 3 Comments »On the way home last night, I got ‘stop and search’ed in the entrance hall of Cambridge station under the auspices of the Terrorism Act 2000. It wasn’t for any reason, just part of the random shite during ‘heightened’ alerts.
Now, in general I don’t really have a problem with the stop-and-search stuff. I got used to it a long time ago, when I was in the throes of heavy insomnia, and would regularly get stopped and searched at 4am when I was out for a walk. I understand the principles of it, and the Bentham-esque supposed panopticism, where the theory goes that if you are under constant scrutiny, you never know when They really are watching you. It’s the same motive that underlies all the CCTV crap, and many other bits of our current legal surveillance framework.
What I do object to is that when I get stop-and-searched, the search is so cursory as to be utterly fucking pointless. Yesterday’s one was a case in point.
All they did was look in my backpack. That was it. I didn’t have to turn on the laptop that was in there, to ‘prove’ that it wasn’t an explosive device cunningly disguised. I didn’t have to open the bottle of water there, to prove it was water, and not some colourless liquid explosive. They didn’t even open the pockets on the bag – at least one of which was heavy with portable hard-drive, USB stick, headphone cables, metal pen, and some other stuff that had all the hallmarks of a small explosive device. (electronics, wires, small compact box, blah blah)
They didn’t check me at all. I could’ve had weapons on me, small gas canisters (those little gas capsules for CO2, for example) or been wired to chuff and back – hell, my entire belly area could’ve been padding and C4. But none of it was checked.
And let’s be honest, if I were some numpty bent on self-immolation with a C4 waistcoat or whatever, would a stop-and-search have any effect? Would it bollocks. If I were that dedicated/committed to blowing myself to kingdom come, and taking as many people as possible with me, (which I must emphasise to the hard-of-thinking I am most certainly not) then fuck it, the rail station entrance hall is as good a place as any. And ooh look, the chance to take out three or four policemen as well. Bonus.
Would stop-and-search have been of any use in the current wave of so-called ‘attacks’. Would it bollocks. Well, unless they’ve a method for using stop-and-search against oncoming burning vehicles, or ones being driven at speed towards the station.
And when all’s said and done, that’s what I object to – the fact that the entire thing is just staged shit to make people ‘feel’ more secure. It’s got no practical use whatsoever. Maybe iit would’ve had some use f I’d started sweating, or praying, or some other massive giveaway. I doubt it though.
2012 Logo
Posted: Mon 4 June, 2007 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts 5 Comments »OK, now just what the fuck is the new logo for the London 2012 Olympics supposed to be representing?
The old logo with the outline of the Thames running through it at least made sense.
This one looks more like a four-year-old has been playing with pink post-it® notes and scissors…
EDIT : Ok, having looked at the logo a bit more, I can now discern the ‘2012’ in the pink bits of the logo. So it makes a bit more sense now. Still looks like shite to me though. Then again, I’m neither a designer nor a marketer.
Stupid?
Posted: Mon 4 June, 2007 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School 2 Comments »When I first read this story about drivers not recognising various road signs I figured that it was hardly news to know that two-thirds of the drivers surveyed couldn’t identify the ‘no through road’ sign, or that a third didn’t recognise the ‘no motor vehicles’ one.
But when it got to the second section, about the signs that (supposedly) people did want, I just despaired.
I’m sorry, but how is a sign saying ‘Wifi Zone’ going to help things? Or one saying ‘Drive-Through Approaching’? (although I bet Mac-fucking-donalds would sponsor those) The final quote just made me laugh, though:
“We’ve all been on wild goose chases looking for cash machines. A new road sign could save endless hours searching the streets.”
No, I’ve never been on a wild goose chase looking for a cash machine. If all else fails, go to the nearest supermarket. Simple.
Grrr.
At long last
Posted: Thu 10 May, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, News Leave a comment »Seven weeks today, and Blair finally quits..
Frankly, the time just can’t go quickly enough.
However, I assume that the media needs that much time to figure out what to whittle on about incessantly, now that all the speculation about ‘when the lying little weasel-shagger will finally fuck off'(© Me.) is over and done with.
Spiderman 3
Posted: Tue 8 May, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Reviews(ish) 3 Comments »Well, I’m no Barry Norman or Jonathon Ross, but I can still sum up Spiderman 3 pretty well.
It’s shit.
Shockingly, depressingly bad; overlong, and well, just shit. I guess it was expected. What I didn’t expect was to come out thinking “You know, in the terms of trilogies, and final parts thereof, maybe Blade Trinity wasn’t so bad after all”. And Blade Trinity sucked the balls of dead gorillas.
Spiderman 3 could’ve – hell, should’ve- been done in 90 minutes, just a slam through where you didn’t have to think about it too much, just a powered blitz through the storyline. But no, it’s all got to be so emotional, and there’s got to be a story curve where most of the bits from the previous two get cleaned up and closed off. But we don’t need any of the Sandman (No, not Gaiman’s Sandman Morpheus) sections, although from an effects point of view they’re cool. We don’t need half the shit about splitting up with MJ – and we particularly don’t need that bloody awful jazz-club scene.
The problem with “Peter Parker goes bad” is that he can’t go truly bad, because he’s the ‘hero’, so all he can do is go out and look like Jarvis Cocker without the specs. A little bit emo, nothing special. And utterly, utterly unbelievable. (I know, I know, we’re talking about a comic-book movie. But still.)
In short, if it’d been done in 90 minutes, it’d (probably) be OK. As it is, it’s shit. Don’t even bother.
And Sony? That’s another 2.5 hours of my life I want back, you bastards.
Mood Change
Posted: Wed 18 April, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, MOTB, Sweary 2 Comments »While MOTB may now be officially over, I notice that still there is nothing that changes my mood from OK (if “Oh God it’s early”) to Growl quicker than some stupid little smeghead cunt cycling up behind me on the path and ringing their bell in order to make me get out of the way.
In fact, it’s like flipping a switch. One little *ting* from that bell and Bastard returns, slowing down, making sure that the shit-for-brains arsewipe fucker behind me can’t get past.
In the end I didn’t quite slow down enough for them to fall off their bike, but they had to go off the path and onto the road in order to get past. And didn’t quite dare yell anything at me, as they’d been in the wrong anyway. (not that that appears to matter to Cambridge cyclists most of the time)
Really quite satisfying.
Mid-Bench
Posted: Tue 17 April, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism Leave a comment »When I’m working, at lunchtime I tend to go out, get a sandwich from somewhere, then find somewhere to sit and eat it. I like being outside – even in Winter – unless the conditions are just ridiculous. For instance, there’s obviously no point sitting outside when there’s a thunderstorm.
Particularly when it’s sunny though, I find there’s something that really pisses me off. If I’d thought about it, I’d have added it to Month Of The Bastard. (and I probably will do for the next one – because oh yes, there’ll be another one without a doubt) It involves the benches in the local park. Well, wherever I go for lunch – currently it’s Parker’s Piece in Cambridge, but the same appears to apply wherever.
Now I don’t mind people sitting on the benches, and I don’t mind sharing my bench with other people. Amazingly, I’m kind of reasonable like that. But the huge majority of people don’t want that, r don’t think about it – and they plonk themselves right in the middle of the bench/seat. I don’t know if it’s a conscious decision, to be honest, but when you have eight benches, each with one person plonked in the middle and trying to dominate the entire thing, well, it pisses me off.
Me? I sit at one end of the bench. Then anyone else who comes along can also site at the other end, or if it’s a couple, they can sit together. Doesn’t bother me, I don’t mind – they’re public property after all (well, council property, but you know what I mean) so who cares?
But with Mr (and it’s usually a bloke) Middle-Sitter, they’re trying to dominate, to make sure that people don’t sit on the same bench as them. It’s as though the bench is- at least temporarily- theirs, and no-one else can encroach upon it. Of course, to me that’s like a red rag to a bull, so I tend to sit in one of the spare sections. Even if there’s an empty bench just along the way. (Not that any of the Mr Middles ever mentions that) It’s funny as hell.
Signage
Posted: Sun 15 April, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Weirdness 2 Comments »Last weekend, a couple of new road signs appeared in Attleborough. They’re the flashing ‘slow down’ type, which are supposed to be effective against speeders. Yeah, yeah.
They’ve been installed in a 30mph area, but they’ve actually been set to somewhere around 20mph.
As such, they just flash at every single vehicle, telling them to slow down even though they’re well within the speed limit for the area. And as a result, they’re just being ignored. If they were set accurately, they might have some effect – but in this case no, people just ignore them.
Or, in my case, wave two fingers at them, and tell them to fuck off. I’m charming like that.
Oh, you have.
Posted: Sat 14 April, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic Leave a comment »This Post from More A Way of Life made me laugh out loud (no, really) this morning.
Genius.
Now if only it’d been sent to the person concerned…
Notification
Posted: Mon 12 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Technology, Weirdness 4 Comments »In the course of my current work, I use laptops a lot. I suppose desktop machines may do this too, but I don’t know – the one I use at home doesn’t really have that problem.
Anyway – whenever I turn on the laptop (whether my own, or the one at work) in the office, it’ll flag up a little notifier in the bottom-right hand corner of the screen saying something about “Unable to detect any wireless networks”.
Now, fair enough, I don’t mind it telling me that it can’t find the network. What really annoys me though, is that – particularly in the case of the work laptop – I have wireless networking switched off at the hardware switch. It’s not operating. Full stop. There’s no wireless network in the office, so it’s pointless having the damn thing turned on.
But Windows is unable to detect that actually, there’s no active hardware for finding a wireless network – so there’s no flaming chance at all of discovering that network. But it still flags up the message, every bloody day. I know there’s no wireless networks found, because the bloody sodding wireless network card is turned off, you stupid, stupid machine.
Grrrrr.
Changing Lanes
Posted: Thu 8 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Driving, Travel 4 Comments »I know, I know, every time I rent a car, I end up having a rant about bad drivers.
And this time is no different, you’ll be pleased to know.
But for once it’s not about those tossers who sit in the middle lane and never fucking move.
No, in this case it’s all based around roadworks. Now I suspect the roadworks is something that most people could rant about – particularly the fact that you can go past entire sets of roadworks and not see one single bloody person is working, or even visible.
But what gets me – unsurprisingly – is certain people’s driving ability. Or lack of.
I just don’t understand the mind-set that comes up when one lane is closed – and signposted as such from a good two miles off – and people still drive right to where the lane is coned off before trying to pull in to the still-open lane. It screws up the traffic flow, and leads to those self-same tailbacks that they’ve just cruised past. Cunts. But of course, that’s not their problem, so long as they’ve managed to get past all the other drivers.
Mind you, it’s bloody funny when some smeghead scrote BMW driver who’s gone roaring past everyone is then blocked entry by all those same drivers…
MOTB #3
Posted: Tue 6 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, MOTB 2 Comments »Last night on the train…
Announcer on the train’s PA system : Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the train for Norwich, stopping at Brandon, Thetford, Attleborough, Wymondham and Norwich.
Idiot, having listened to the announcement : Excuse me, is this the train for Birmingham?
Yours Truly : Yes, I think so.
Month of the Bastard is turning into real fun…
Missing in Action
Posted: Sat 3 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Music, Sweary Leave a comment »You know, I’m beginning to think I’m cursed when it comes to gigs – particularly at Brixton Academy.
Last time I was supposed to go, to see Massive Attack, it snowed, and I didn’t go.
This time, I’m supposed to be going to see Nine Inch Nails next Wednesday, only I haven’t yet received the ticket from cunty fucking Ticketmaster. Yeah, sure, I’ve moved since I ordered the tickets, but I’ve also registered that change of address with the useless bastards, so that shouldn’t be a problem.
Yesterday it took me half an hour just to get to, fill in, and send the form to ask where my tickets are. I still haven’t heard back. Useless fuckers. The site has been ‘improved’ and now lags to chuff, blows up the browser, and is generally now just as broken as Ticketmaster’s ‘service’ in the first place. So I suppose that at least it’s representative…
So far, the odds of me seeing NIN are emphatically not good. I stand to be signally unimpressed…
Quotes
Posted: Fri 2 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »Now this is the way to do it…
Lady: You think wearing the skin of a dead cow is cool or something? You’re promoting murder by wearing that.
Leather jacket guy: I don’t wear this because I like leather. I wear this because I hate cows. My father was gored to death by a bull. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to Burger King.
MOTB #2
Posted: Fri 2 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, MOTB Leave a comment »Isn’t it fascinating just how difficult it is for cyclists who insist on using footpaths to steer around people?
In fact, you could almost think they try to intimidate pedestrians into getting out of the way, rather than having to steer at all. And it really befuddles them when someone (can’t think who, of course) refuses to move aside for the bell-tinkling fuckers.
However, no matter how pissed off that cyclist may get, it’s really not a good idea to then try swiping said pedestrian with the handlebars as the cyclist goes past. It really buggers up their ability to steer forwards, and tends instead to result in said cyclist wobbling all over the place, then coming off their bike completely.
All together now, “Aawwwwww, shame“. *grin*
MOTB #1
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, MOTB 3 Comments »Ah, Month of the Bastard has started well…
Getting on the train this morning, one nong had got his stuff spread across the table of an entire 4-seater, and showed no signs of moving or doing anything.
So I sat on the chair diagonally opposite him – i.e. about as far from him as possible, in order to be fair about space allocation and so on – and got out the laptop. To be fair, he moved his paper across a little bit, so that there was room for it. Why he couldn’t pick the sodding thing up I have no idea. Maybe he only had intermittent use of his arms. He certainly preferred to keep them down by his side, with the paper on the table, along with all the files that he didn’t even open. But I had a plan…
Come the next station, there’s another surge of people getting on, and one pair ask whether the other seats at the table I’m using are free. Yeah, no worries. So I have to scoot across, and now sit opposite MonkeyBoy. Still using the laptop, of course. So he should move his shit from taking up all the space. Only he doesn’t. (And I was pretty sure he wouldn’t)
So having given him the opportunity to move his crap (which wasn’t getting looked at, remember) I just plonked the laptop on top of his files (and some of the newspaper that was also spread out, and that he couldn’t/wouldn’t pick up) and carried on.
Annoying? Hell yeah. Funny as chuff. Even more so.
Month of the Bastard (MOTB)
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, MOTB 6 Comments »I’ve decided that for the month of March, I’m going to feed my inner bastard. Any number of things that normally get on my tits will be dealt with in a very different manner to usual. This includes, but is not limited to :
- People who have walked past four display screens telling them where the train is going, get on the train, and then ask “Is this the train for Ely / Norwich?”. The answer in March will be “No”.
- Couples walking arm-in-arm towards me and blocking the entire path, with no intention of seperating or moving, as if they’re actually physically joined at the hip. During March, I will not be avoiding them, or stepping into the road to go round them.
- In a similar vein, the chuffwit tosspots who ride their bikes down the pavement, ringing their bell so the pedestrians get out of their way. Steel-toecapped boots will be used in enterprising ways on these doughnuts during the month
- On trains, the nongs who sit in the outer seat of a pair (i.e. the one closest to the aisle) with no-one on the inner seat, then sigh when someone wants to sit in the empty seat. These people may be sat on…
Charming
Posted: Fri 23 February, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Travel 2 Comments »It’s not just me who can be charmless, of course.
On the train last night, the two people opposite me were talking about whether they’d make their connecting train from Norwich. Now, the XDA phone has it’s uses, and the mini-version of IE is one of them. So, being in a fairly mellow mood, I checked the arrival time of the current train, and when their connecting one would go.
And I let them know that they’d be OK, and would have about ten minutes between trains.
The response? Absolutely chuff all. Not a word of thanks, just a nod of the head in acknowledgement of the information.
Tossers. And then people wonder why I end up being rude to them…
Cyclist
Posted: Wed 21 February, 2007 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »Sometimes, my temprament and charm (stop laughing, you at the back) can be severely tested.
Today, walking along the path, a cyclist came up behind me, and just started ringing her bell so I would get out the way. As she eventually got past, she tutted, which following the bell is just like a red rag to a bull.
“Well, if you decided to ride in the road instead, perhaps you wouldn’t find so many people getting in your fucking way. Idiot.”
Depressingly, she didn’t answer back…
Comedy Moment
Posted: Fri 26 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism 2 Comments »Lunchtime yesterday, I saw one of the more amusing things of recent times.
Two cyclists, riding abreast so they could talk to each other, and not paying any attention to what was going on.
The innermost of the two, facing his mate to talk to him, rode slam into the back of a parked car. The car was parked perfectly legitimately, with no problem. It’s just that the cyclist didn’t see it.
He was fine. His bike, on the other hand, looked rather bent.
Sympathy was not forthcoming, from anyone who saw it.
Temper
Posted: Fri 19 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, General 2 Comments »Something that might surprise a lot of the people that read D4D™ is that on occasion I can actually be quite nice. I’ll help other people with their questions, fix techie problems, and generally be quite a decent human being.
Lunchtime today, though, was not one of those times.
I had to go into the city centre in order to pick up a couple of things, and the streets were full of twats. You know the type, people who can’t conceive that anyone else wants to walk past them at more than the snail’s pace they’ve set themselves in order to walk three-abreast along the path, with no room for anyone else. People who just suddenly stop for no good reason. People who have major ethical/conceptual problems with troublesome concepts like crossing the road, or traffic lights.
So once I’d got in, and was faced with a fuckwit on a bike who’d decided to come off the road onto the path, and block it completely while deciding where it was he wanted to go, unfortunately the inner-Touretter made an appearance…
Oi, open your fucking eyes, bollock-jockey!
I have no idea where I got the word “bollock-jockey” from, but by God it’s a good one to use.
Oops
Posted: Tue 16 January, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »Whoops. I think that we’ve unintentionally dropped some people right in the shit. I hope we haven’t, but well, if we have, that’s life.
Basically, one of the houses we viewed a couple of weeks ago now was fantastic. We both fell in love with it, but had some questions that needed to be asked. Questions about things like planning permission – which we’d been told had been granted to the previous owners, but had lapsed as the current owners hadn’t done anything. There was also a small matter of a shared wall that needed repairing.
So I contacted the local council, and asked them what the deal was. Oops.
Turns out the property has never had a planning application made against it – since at least the 70s. And that shared wall is – um – part of a Grade 1 listed building. In short, “Oh, bollocks”. They also dropped in the little fact – which the current owners hadn’t divulged – that there were a number of trees on the property that were covered by a Tree Protection Order (TPO)
And I’ve just had another email from the council, saying that they’re going to be sending out an inspector today, to check those trees, and the property in general. OK, that’s all well and good.
Except, um, I think that the current owners have cut down two of those trees that’re covered by the TPO. And that could drop them right in the shit, with fines of up to £40,000 if I’m right.
So we didn’t intend to drop anyone in it, but in fact we may have done so. Oops.
New Year
Posted: Sun 31 December, 2006 Filed under: Animals, Charm School, Domestic 1 Comment »Bloody Hell, is it really New Years Eve? Maybe I’m getting old, but it really doesn’t feel like it, does it?
And chuff, that means I’m back at work in two days time as well. (Along with the rest of the world, I know, I know)
Anyway, New Year is another of those things that we don’t really do much for here. Partly it’s because we’re both fairly anti-social, and for me I just don’t see the fun in being in a pub or club with a bundle of other people just to celebrate midnight. Again, maybe I’m getting old, but New Year is just something else I’m not into. Ah well.
The other excuse, though, is a far better one – Hound. Of course, we don’t yet know what the firework situation is going to be like in the new place, but last year we had fireworks from about 6pm through ’til 2am, which meant a very stressed Hound by the end of it. And as this property is rented, well, it’s probably better that we stay in, and she can sit at our feet, or under the bed, while we just get on with it.
Other than that, though, Happy New Year, and all that toss.
B&Q – Comments and Feedback
Posted: Sun 17 December, 2006 Filed under: B&Q, Charm School, Customer Services 1 Comment »Back in February 2005, I wrote a very snarky post about B&Q‘s general inefficiency, incompetence, and piss-poor attitude.
It’s had a fair number of comments along the way, but yesterday, some charming person from B&Q dropped by to leave his thoughts.
Lovely…
Schadenfreude 2
Posted: Fri 10 November, 2006 Filed under: Charm School Leave a comment »Walking back from work tonight, another joyous sight :-
There’s a whole bunch of police people doing safety checks on cyclists, and pulling over all those who don’t have any lighting. Which is good in itself, as there’s a fair number of cyclists in Cambridge who seem to think that all drivers have vision like Superman, and can spot a cyclist with no lights, in dark clothing, in November, at 6pm.
Even better, though, was the cyclist coming the other way, riding on the path, who almost rode into one of the police people. Needless to say, she was stopped and got a pretty serious bollocking.
I walked on, smiling.
Inconsiderate Twats
Posted: Tue 17 October, 2006 Filed under: Charm School, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »Tonight, while out having my evening meal, I saw something that I personally consider to be one of the rudest things I’ve ever seen.
I won’t describe the person involved, except to say they were about 18. Even that’s not overly relevant, but there we go.
Anyway, this person took a call on their mobile (or they might’ve made the call, I wasn’t paying that much attention at the time) in the restaurant, which- while it’s not something I tend to do, unless it’s really important (and this really wasn’t an important call) – isn’t really something that bothers me all that much. What I did find incredibly rude, though, was that this person then proceeded to wander round the restaurant, around a whole range of different tables where people were eating, while on the phone. I’ve no idea why they did it – it wasn’t like they were having problems getting reception, they just wanted to wander around while talking.
Personally, if I’d been one of the waiting staff, I think I’d have probably told this person to either sit back down with their family, or fuck off outside and take/make the call there, rather than the way they chose to do it. It was coming close to me just telling the person to fuck off anyway.
I just don’t get that mind-set – why the hell would anyone do that?
Joggers
Posted: Tue 17 October, 2006 Filed under: Charm School, General 3 Comments »How to upset people in the morning. An occasional series.
Number One. Walk past a jogger who is puffing, panting, but still jogging. Make it look as effortless as possible.
Poor sod looked so demoralised.
And yes, I do walk very fast. But it still amused me to be overtaking joggers.