Automotive
Posted: Fri 9 March, 2007 Filed under: Cynicism, Travel 6 Comments »So, this coming weekend it looks like I’m finally going to become the owner of a car. How scary is that?
Up ’til now I’ve been able to resist such a thing. Firstly because I didn’t drive (’til eighteen months ago, give or take) and then because, well, I still didn’t need one of my own. If I did need one of my own for anything (like going away for the weekend, say) I hired one.
But now, it’s (hopefully) coming close to the time when we move to the new place, out in the arse-end of nowhere. No, not Norfolk – we’re there already. But this is more ‘arse-end of nowhere, even for Norfolk’, which is a pretty scary concept in itself.
But that also means that yes, it’s time to buy a car. So I’m off to see and test-drive a couple I’ve got my eye on over the weekend, and we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, well, be afraid. Be very afraid…
Changing Lanes
Posted: Thu 8 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Driving, Travel 4 Comments »I know, I know, every time I rent a car, I end up having a rant about bad drivers.
And this time is no different, you’ll be pleased to know.
But for once it’s not about those tossers who sit in the middle lane and never fucking move.
No, in this case it’s all based around roadworks. Now I suspect the roadworks is something that most people could rant about – particularly the fact that you can go past entire sets of roadworks and not see one single bloody person is working, or even visible.
But what gets me – unsurprisingly – is certain people’s driving ability. Or lack of.
I just don’t understand the mind-set that comes up when one lane is closed – and signposted as such from a good two miles off – and people still drive right to where the lane is coned off before trying to pull in to the still-open lane. It screws up the traffic flow, and leads to those self-same tailbacks that they’ve just cruised past. Cunts. But of course, that’s not their problem, so long as they’ve managed to get past all the other drivers.
Mind you, it’s bloody funny when some smeghead scrote BMW driver who’s gone roaring past everyone is then blocked entry by all those same drivers…
Ooops
Posted: Wed 7 March, 2007 Filed under: Cynicism, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »Now this is enough to make any man cry. Well, that and snigger smugly too. Schadenfreude (and Month of the Bastard) is alive and well, after all.
A beautiful Bugatti Veyron crashed into a tree. Personally, I couldn’t ever spend £800,000 on a car – but all the same, the owner of it must be bloody livid right about now.
Cunts (Missing in Action 4)
Posted: Wed 7 March, 2007 Filed under: Customer Services, Cynicism, Sweary 6 Comments »Well, it’s established – Ticketmaster are utter, utter cunts.
Thank you for your email.
The tickets you have received are part of an event that is general admission and as such the event has a limited capacity, which is set by Health and Safety. Ticketmaster is unable to issue duplicate tickets for this event as it may cause the event to go over capacity, as we are unable to cancel the original tickets, therefore they can still be used.
This is a decision that is made by the individual venue and Ticketmaster as an agent has to adhere to this. If the venue goes over capacity, the venue could lose its license, which could jeopardise all future events, due to this we cannot re-issue your tickets.
Ticketmaster’s policy is that once a booking has been confirmed, it cannot be exchanged or refunded unless the event is cancelled. So unfortunately we cannot issue you with a refund of the cost of the tickets. Due to these reasons i have passed on a request to our customer service department to contact Secure Mail to investigate this situation. In doing this we will try and make a claim against Secure Mail to refund your booking.
Our representative from customer services will contact you as soon as possible regarding the outcome of the investigation.
I am sorry i cannot help you any further.
So – you ordered tickets, we sent them to the wrong address, where they were signed for by someone obviously not you. That’s your fault. You should’ve known that we’d use a courier ‘service’ (I use that term as loosely as possible) instead of using recorded delivery royal mail like we did for the Massive Attack tickets (which, funny enough, came straight to me, no problem at all) and gone back to your old address for the day when we were going to deliver them.
A refund? Fuck off. It’s all your fault.
And I suppose it is. After all, I ordered using Ticketmaster. My mistake. But believe me, I’ll never make the same mistake again, you cunts.
Missing in Action 3
Posted: Tue 6 March, 2007 Filed under: Customer Services, Cynicism Leave a comment »An update, an email from the idiots at Ticketmaster…
Thank you for your email.
Given the nature of your request it has been forwarded to our Customer Service Department for further investigation. However, this sometimes requires assistance from third parties, such as promoters and venues and may take a little longer to look into.
We are grateful for your co-operation, as every effort is made to reach a satisfactory outcome for you. We will contact you with a response as soon as possible.
The gig’s tomorrow. So whatever happens, the outcome ain’t going to be satisfactory…
Month of the Bastard (MOTB)
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2007 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, MOTB 6 Comments »I’ve decided that for the month of March, I’m going to feed my inner bastard. Any number of things that normally get on my tits will be dealt with in a very different manner to usual. This includes, but is not limited to :
- People who have walked past four display screens telling them where the train is going, get on the train, and then ask “Is this the train for Ely / Norwich?”. The answer in March will be “No”.
- Couples walking arm-in-arm towards me and blocking the entire path, with no intention of seperating or moving, as if they’re actually physically joined at the hip. During March, I will not be avoiding them, or stepping into the road to go round them.
- In a similar vein, the chuffwit tosspots who ride their bikes down the pavement, ringing their bell so the pedestrians get out of their way. Steel-toecapped boots will be used in enterprising ways on these doughnuts during the month
- On trains, the nongs who sit in the outer seat of a pair (i.e. the one closest to the aisle) with no-one on the inner seat, then sigh when someone wants to sit in the empty seat. These people may be sat on…
Hail, Ceasar
Posted: Wed 28 February, 2007 Filed under: Cynicism Leave a comment »I love this – the multi-billion dollar Space Shuttle, whose next launch has been delayed because of a hailstorm.
In fairness, golfball-sized hail is fairly impressive, and 7000 dents/impacts isn’t to be shrugged off either, but all the same, Hail halts Shuttle. Bloody marvellous.