Sexy?

Nice to see that a lot of people have no taste whatsoever.


Weasels

So, today is the deadline for the return of the Self Assessment forms for Tax Year 2004-2005. That’s fine. And if it’s not put in by today, then you’re liable for an extra £100 fine for not sending it in.

OK, all well and good.

Except that, because in my case the Inland Revenue are utter, utter cunts, I didn’t get the return form until Saturday. Which makes the entire thing rather more difficult than it should be. As yet I don’t know whether I’ll get the £100 penalty added in, and then have to protest (again) about it before they’ll do anything. It wouldn’t surprise me.

I know it won’t be a quick process. I’m still in arguments with the incompetent tossbags about the 2003-2004 tax year, which again I didn’t get any return for at all. In fact the only reason I knew I was even being self assessed is because I ended up getting a snotty letter saying “you haven’t returned it, you now owe us £xxxx (I won’t go into the amount, but suffice to say it’s a) bollocks and b) a lot ) Eventually I got a duplicate form, which I returned along with the relevant P60 and all the documentation. Which they’ve then managed to lose.

When the Inland Revenue send out your forms, they work on the assumption that you’ve received them. “We’ve sent them, therefore you must have received them. It’s your fault you haven’t.” is the attitude. However, when you send items to the Inland Revenue, they work on the assumption that they haven’t received them. And guess what? It’s your fault that they haven’t received them. On the BBC news this morning, they had said to take your tax return to the nearest tax office, and get a receipt for it. Only it turns out that the tax offices won’t actually give out receipts. So you can hand in your form to the tax office on time, they can lose it, you won’t have any proof, and guess what? Yep, it’s your fault.

As far as I’m concerned, the Inland Revenue are scumbags of the direst proportions. The ratio of helpful people to cunts seems to be about 1:1000 (and I reckon I’m being optimistic at that level) and at the end of the day they only seem to exist to penalise you when you get things wrong. If all goes according to the plan, you fill in the forms, you tell them what you’ve earned, you tell them what tax you should pay on it, and you pay the tax. So what do the cunts actually do all day?


Secure?

As most people in the UK know, credit and debit cards have been switching over to the “Chip and PIN” system, which is supposedly more secure against credit-card fraud and the like.

On February 14, anyone with a “chip and PIN” card will no longer be able to sign a credit-card slip for their purchases, and must know their PIN number instead.

Anyway, that’s a minor digression. The main thrust is that supposedly “Chip and PIN” is more secure. It’s supposed to stop credit card fraud, and all this bollocks. We’ll ignore the fact that anyone can “shoulder-surf” and get the PIN number. And the fact that the PIN number is the same whether you’re using a cash machine or doing a transaction – which means that if someone gets your PIN number and card (you know, by shoulder-surfing the number in a shop, then grabbing the bag on the way out – that’s just one example, of course) then they can get the maximum cash transaction out like *that* (clicks fingers), which of course renders the card owner liable, as they’re not likely to have called the card company in that couple of minutes and registered the card as stolen. And, of course, the bank will say “Well, you let someone see your PIN number. Therefore you’re in breach of your agreement with us, and thus liable for all losses on that account/card”.

Again, a minor digression there.

My point is this : If “Chip and PIN” is so secure, how come I’ve just seen the following transaction…

“Did you know your PIN number’s locked on this card?” (ie you can’t use the PIN, because you’ve had three goes and failed to get it right)
Yes, I was trying to use it in the supermarket, and got all flustered with everyone behind me, so I forgot the number, and now it’s locked
OK, just sign on the slip here
Thanks
And there’s your card back

WHAT? So you can have a locked PIN, which signifies three failed attempts at the number, and instead of cancelling the card, or keeping it, it’s been given back once, then used just on the signature again, and then given back yet again? How the blue blazing fiddly fuck is that a secure transaction?


Strokes of Genius

Today in Bracknell is hovering around the 0°C mark. In other words, pretty much freezing cold.

So one of the people up the road has decided to wash their car. The path is now covered in ice.

Fucking genius. You just couldn’t make it up.


Homeless

Bah HumbugAs some regular readers may recall, around this time last year I did a bundle of photography (and got paid for it!) for a charity in Manchester that worked with the homeless and prostitutes.

This year, my eye was caught by something in one of Herself’s magazines that deals with nursing and care. It was talking about a document called “A Christian Response To Street Homelessness” (I’ve saved a copy on d4d™, it’s an 810Kb PDF if you’re interested) which has a lot of suggestions and ideas, primarily for the London area of Westminster.

The final page of the document is called “Ten tips to help a rough sleeper in Westminster”, and one of the suggestions made me absolutely howl with laughter…

Think about what subjects you might talk about and read up on them – remember that very few rough sleepers have TV sets, so talking about the latest plot of ‘Emmerdale’ might not work.

I mean, how stupid would you have to be?

“So, you’ve been homeless for 8 months, and sleeping on the street?”
“yeah”
“Blimey, that’s rough. So, did you see Emmerdale last night?”


Nom de Plume

While I remember (and thanks to the people who asked) I would like to say once and for all that no, I have not written a book under the names Alan MacArthur or Steve Lowe.

However, if I’d thought of it first, I possibly would have done so.

Sometimes life’s shit, and there’s absolutely knack-all you can do about it.


Lights Out?

Ah, it’s good to see the spirit of Christmas is alive and well in Sonning, Berkshire.

In one private road (very posh, don’t you know?) the majority of the householders are hoping to pay off the houseowner with the glowing Christmas house decorations. This guy collects from this, and then gives to charity – last year he raised £5000 – and now the residents are hoping to pay him off. Which, frankly, sucks.

It’s no secret that I’m no fan of the Festering Season, and that I think the Home Alone-inspired glowing house decorations should all be trashed and burned. But while I dislike/despise them, I don’t try to get people to take the things down. They’re nasty, manky, and cheap – and I’m intrigued by the comment in the story that “Thames Valley Police said more than 40 crimes committed in the area last year were “directly linked” to the lights” – and I despair in general of the people who have this kind of tat and think it’s attractive.

But it’s still beyond me that people would try to pay someone off in order to stop them having this kind of thing on their house. Twats.

Afterthought : Of course, it’s also made me quite tempted to go over later in the year and take some photos, just for the hell of it. I probably won’t , but it’s made me think about it.