Warning Signs

Posted: Thu 11 January, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Customer Services, Cynicism, Weirdness | 2 Comments »

I normally find some amusement from the warning signs and notices that currently seem to be appearing everywhere.

Yesterday, I was looking in the local M&S, and had a look at one of their prawn mayonnaise sandwiches. Impressively, it had the warning

May contain shellfish

What gets me, though, is the “May”. It’s a bloody prawn sandwich – if it doesn’t contain shellfish, I want to know why! After all, at that point really it’s just a mayonnaise sandwich.

Literate

Posted: Tue 9 January, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Weirdness, Work-related | 1 Comment »

Sometimes, my job causes both depression and amusement at the same time. Today has had one of those moments.

I’ve just been dealing with a set of webpages dealing with teaching Adult Literacy.

The folder they were in was titled “Adult Litracy”

*sigh*

Out of Office

Posted: Fri 5 January, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Customer Services, Geeky, Weirdness, Work-related | 1 Comment »

Sometimes the habits of recruiters and agencies just completely amaze me.

I got an email at about 7pm last night from a recruiter about a web-development job based in York. Now, OK, I’m not interested in it (for many – and obvious – reasons) but I figure that if they’re still trying to put me in jobs in York, perhaps it’s an agency I haven’t updated (in two years) about my current situation/location. The job’s a fairly urgent start, with interviews next Tuesday and Wednesday.

So I send a reply email – to the email sent just last night, remember – with an updated CV attached, and get an “out of office” response to it.

I’m out of the office until Wednesday 10th January

So – spot the flaw in this – you’re advertising a job for interviews on Tuesday and Wednesday, but you’re not back in the office ’til Wednesday?

Bizarre.

Instructions for Use

Posted: Wed 3 January, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Weirdness, Work-related | Leave a comment »

The company that I work for has several buildings in Cambridge, all of which have glass ‘security’ doors, where you have to swipe your identity card through, then the doors open and let you in. In short, they really aren’t rocket science.

Today, we’ve had an email through from the company’s Health and Safety directorate, explaining that some 20% of the reported workplace accidents/injuries in 2006 were due to these doors. So we now have – posted on the intranet, no less – instructions on how to use the security doors. I’m not kidding…

  • Upon approach stand back behind the barrier so that the ‘person’ sensor within the barrier wall is not obstructed.
  • Present your security badge, which should “beep” in recognition.
  • Proceed through the gate.
    (You’ll note that there’s no proviso about ‘when the gate has opened, proceed through the gate’)
  • This is a precise operation and many accidents occur due to
    • Confusion on the part of the ‘person’ sensor, if you stand too far forward when presenting your badge it assumes that there are possibly two people in the channel and thus shuts prematurely
    • A lack of concentration especially when there is a queue at peak times, or when talking to colleagues.

I really really worry about some of the people I work with…

Negligible

Posted: Thu 28 December, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: Customer Services, Cynicism, Getting Organised, Weirdness | Leave a comment »

Back at the end of October, I got a letter about how much money I owed Inland Revenue for the tax year 2005-06, which was sent to me first class (and cost about 58p to send) along with a postage-paid response envelope.

Just before Christmas, I got a “statement of account” from Inland Revenue, again sent first class, again with a postage-paid reply envelope.

The amount that all this paperwork and postage is for?

88p

I’ve paid it today, by debit card. (Which should cost them even more) All told, I reckon it’s cost them about £2.00 to process £0.88. Which is impressive in anyone’s book.

Dump

Posted: Fri 22 December, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: Weirdness | 4 Comments »

Walking to the office from the station this morning, I couldn’t help but notice this.

Someone – some weird, utterly fucked up human being – had decided to have a crap in the middle of the path.

Now, I’ve now idea how fresh it was – all I can say is that it wasn’t steaming (and no-one had yet stepped in it) – but all the same, what on earth would drive someone to drop their pants in public, take a shit on the street, and then walk off?

The mind boggles.

Frost and Fog

Posted: Wed 20 December, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Thoughts, Travel, Weirdness | 3 Comments »

Last night, I did the drive back from Poole to Attleborough. I left at 5, which was already a bad move – it took an hour just to get to the M27. Absolute nightmare.

Anyway, I got home at 9.30 in the end – so once things got going, I actually made exceptionally good time – the Laguna was an absolute joy to drive, and had some decent speed, which made the journey a lot easier as well.

What was surprising, though, even to a cynic such as myself, was how many drivers seemed to forget that

  1. they had fog lights on
  2. they had full-beam headlights on
    and on a couple of memorable occasions
  3. that they really should put their lights on once they’d left a services area.

Considering that the weather was foul – although I definitely now have no problems driving in fog – it was amazing to me just how many fucking idiots there are on the roads. I know it shouldn’t, but it did/does.

This morning it was the same thing – the entire drive was pretty much blanketed in fog, and in some areas ice/frost as well – and yet there were people (mainly in white cars/vans, which didn’t help) who didn’t even have lights on, so their vehicles just disappeared into the fog. Very scary.

All went well though, and that’s another set of ticks in the “Done That” list – but jesus, people scare me.

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