Twelve Months
Posted: Mon 31 December, 2007 Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Introspective Leave a comment »It occurred to me recently that I hadn’t written much about depression of late – and there’s been a number of reasons for that. Anyway, it seems as good a time as any to do it, what with 2008 being just round the corner and so on.
In a lot of ways, 2007 has been quite a tough year for me – there’s been a lot of work going on, but I’ve found myself prone to occasional deep bouts of blah, where all motivation and interest fall out the window. Some of it has been due to sheer workload throughout the year – in the last year we’ve bought a house, (and all the fun that entailed) done a load of work on it, moved in, continued working on it, worked in/on the garden, and made a whole bundle of alterations. (Of which there’ll be even more in 2008) At the same time, while I’ve stayed working for the same primary place all year (again, something that will change in ’08) I’ve also worked on a whole range of other sites and so on privately. So overall the workload has been pretty high.
But the thing that’s hit me the hardest, oddly enough, has been the weather. While we had a couple of decent months early in the year with lots of warmth and sunlight, the rest of the year really hasn’t lived up to the initial promise, and it seems to have been predominantly grey and grotty – which has a major effect on my levels of depression and so on. May/June in particular were tough, as I don’t think we had one decent day in that time, and it hit me seriously hard. The rest of the year has been a bit better, but not by much.
How can I tell? Because autumn and winter haven’t really had any noticeable effect on my levels of blah – they’re already way down, so the change is nowhere near as significant as it has been in other years.
There’ve been other bits along the way as well, but over all it’s just been a bit of a grind to get through this year. All I can do is hope that 2008 is at least slightly easier to get through, or at least that the weather’s better, and so I can deal with some of it via the power of sunlight.
Solstice
Posted: Fri 21 December, 2007 Filed under: Depression 2 Comments »Today is the best day of the year (in some ways) for all those who suffer from SAD. It’s the shortest day of the year, so while today isn’t great in itself, what it does mean is that after today the days start getting longer again, which is always a good thing.
(Note : Technically the moment of solstice is tomorrow at 06:08 but I can’t be chuffed with that, it’s the shortest day that’s important, and that’s either today or tomorrow – I usually remember it as the 21st of the month, though)
So yes, happy Solstice.
Seasonal?
Posted: Sat 14 July, 2007 Filed under: Depression, Introspective Leave a comment »From the perspective of seasonal depression, this year has been decidedly odd. I know I’m badly affected in winter, when I don’t get enough sunlight, and I work fairly hard to make sure that I get out as much as possible during the (very few) daylight hours in order to alleviate the depression symptoms as much as possible.
However, I’ve also noticed this year that I’ve been affected quite a lot by the constant grey overcast skies. It’s not rocket science – hell, in hindsight it’s pretty fucking obvious why I was affected this way – but all the same I hadn’t figured it out ’til recently. Sure, I’ve known I’ve been fairly depressed, that my motivation and inspiration levels were well down on usual, but I couldn’t figure out why.
Of course, now that we’re back into some weather that actually bears a resemblance to summer (in that at least it’s not grey and overcast all day) I’m beginning to feel better again. So I’ve definitely been affected by the last six weeks or so of consistent grey skies and rainfall.
Hardly a surprise, I suppose. Well, with hindsight, anyway. At the time it was strange, and I just couldn’t figure it out. Still, I’ll know for the future…
Weight Loss
Posted: Sun 18 March, 2007 Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Health, House Purchase 3 Comments »When I had my medical a couple of weeks back, (which reminds me, I really must write about what fuckwit scumbags Friends Provident areHell, and most people who read D4D™ on any kind of regular basis) know, I’m never going to qualify as a lightweight. Or even a middleweight. Unless I opt for at least a double-amputation, I will always be large, and heavy. It’s unavoidable.
Back at the start of ’06, I did lose a fair amount of weight, admittedly – about three or four stone. I felt a lot better for it, and I managed to keep most of it off. But when the doctor weighed me, I was 21 stone. (That’s about 133kg, for the metric among you) Nowhere near what I used to be (roughly 24 stone) but heavier than I’d expected to be, if I’m honest.
So when all’s said and done, yes, I know I should lose some of that, and at some point I probably will. But right now, I’m just at a point where I can’t be chuffed to do it. Some of it is down to the entirely crap experiences with Holmes Place at the arse-end of last year, which has left me with a pretty negative perspective on the entire fitness, gym, and health-club thing.
Some of it is down to the way everything else in life is going at the moment as well. In short, it’s chaotic – there’s the move, the house-purchase, the wondering what to do next when it comes to work (of which more later in the week) and more importantly the where of that work, and it all just puts the gym and weight-loss things into perspective at the ‘lalalalalala-can’t hear you’ end of the spectrum.
But really, when all’s said and done, and if I’m being completely honest, at the moment I just can’t be bothered with it. I’ve no heavy motivation to lose the weight, and I’m having trouble finding any motivations. Again, if I’m honest, I’m not actually looking all that hard, either.
Even the life insurance and so on that caused me to hae the medical in the first place isn’t a sufficient motivator – at the end of the day, when they decide my premium should go up because I’m a fat bastard, that’s what the premium will be. They won’t change it in a couple of years time, if I’ve lost the weight. Even if I baffled medical science and dropped down to my so-called ideal weight of 13.5 stone, the premium wouldn’t change. I’d still be paying fat-bastard-rate, regardless. Hardly a motivator, is it?
Desperate
Posted: Thu 22 February, 2007 Filed under: Cynicism, Depression, Domestic 2 Comments »(Kind of following on from my earlier post about programmes, cancellations and the like.)
Oh dear God, no, please.
[TV Show ‘Desperate Housewives”] creator Marc Cherry has just signed a four-year deal with US TV network ABC, ensuring the future of the suburban comedy series.
Trade paper Variety reports that the key members of the cast, including Teri Hatcher and Felicity Huffman, will remain with the programme as long as Cherry is involved.
The writer indicated that the show would end in 2011, saying: “I think that at the end of my deal and after seven seasons it will be a good time to call it quits.
As if it hadn’t already become dire enough, another four years?!?
Fuck me dead, there’s just no justice in the world.
Daylight
Posted: Wed 7 February, 2007 Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Travel Leave a comment »Over the last couple of weeks, its been really noticeable the way the days are getting longer, and brighter again.
I’m no longer travelling to work in darkness, and when I leave the office to come home there’s still some light in the sky – and that’s only going to keep on improving over the next few months. I’m enjoying the daily commute more now, although sometimes it can be very distracting, being able to see outside, the fields, the woods, and the animals that populate them.
I particularly love seeing the unexpected – a flash of movement in the peripheral vision can become a fox or deer when I focus on it.
But really it’s just having more sunlight that lifts my mood, and makes me happier.