In The Garage
Posted: Thu 22 May, 2008 Filed under: Animals, Driving, Travel Leave a comment »So today, the car’s getting (yet more) work done on it.
Firstly (actually secondly if we look at the order of work, but well) it’s time for the annual service. I’ve just hit the 80,000 mile mark, so that’s pretty much spot on for getting it booked in and sorted. Besides, I’m happier to have it serviced before we add on another couple of thousand miles taking it to and from Ireland in June.
Secondly (Yeah, firstly in order of work. Blah Blah.) I need to get some bodywork done on the thing, haven’t clattered another deer a couple of weeks ago. Stupid thing had a clear road for a couple of miles in front of me, then my car and the one that was tailgating me, then another couple of miles of clear road. So when did it decide to run out from the nearside? Just as I came up to it, of course. Stupid fucking creature.
So it bounced under the front bumper, and up into the front wheel-arch, dislodging various things and smacking the crap out of the front bumper. Result? The car needs new front bumper, new wheel-arch liner, some pipework readjusting (turns out the air-con cylinder is also on that side of the car) and about £600 of work on it. Bugger.
Still, it could’ve been much worse. If the deer had been much bigger it would’ve done far more damage. If it had hit dead-centre, it would’ve done far more damage. Of course, if the cretinous thing had waited twenty seconds, it would’ve had a clear road and wouldn’t be dead. That’s Darwinism for you.
But anyway, it means the car’s in a couple of garages (fortuitously one right next to the other) for the day, which means I’m in a courtesy car. And what’ve they given me, bearing in mind I’m 6’4ish and built like a brick shithouse? A fucking Ford Fiesta, of course. In which I’ll be doing my normal commute to and from work. Should be good for a few comedy moments, if nothing else…
Parking a BMW
Posted: Wed 21 May, 2008 Filed under: BMW Drivers, Charm School, Cynicism, Driving, Thoughts 5 Comments »[Note: This is one of those posts I’ve kept on meaning to write, and it’s been lagging in my brain for about a month now]
As regular readers (Assuming there are any, still) of D4D™ will know, I’m really not a great fan of BMW users. OK, let’s be honest, I think that the massive majority (roughly 99.5% of ’em) of BMW owners are total dickheads. Those rare few BMW owners who aren’t complete tosswads? Exceptions to the rule, that’s it. You’ll also note that I tend to not refer to them as “drivers”. (“Arseholes” or “Wankers” is a far more probably piece of terminology)
One of the people in my current office is – you’ve guessed it – a BMW user. Every day – every day he rolls up in the carpark, and plonks his (small) BMW slap-bang over the separating line, so his car takes up two spaces, with half a car’s-width of space either side. It’s completely intentional – I don’t know why he does it, but he does it every day.
Thankfully, the car-park isn’t short of spaces, so this cock’s behaviour doesn’t actually inconvenience people for the most part. But it’s just so indicative of BMW owners, like their cars are something special, and should be treated differently from all others.
And in fairness, I do treat it differently to the other cars. Because I really want to key it, to scratch the shit out of this bell-end’s oh-so-previous paintwork. And I never feel like that about cars. Except for this one.
Communications Database
Posted: Tue 20 May, 2008 Filed under: Cynicism, News, Thoughts 3 Comments »The BBC are today reporting a plan by the government to store every phone call and email in a database. Hell, even communist russia couldn’t manage to record everything – talk about totalitarian crap. But I must admit that the entire database concept both fascinates and annoys me simultaneously.
First, how long will it take to set up something like this? (Bearing in mind we’re working on Government-time, rather than anything sane) Let’s not forget that the NHS ‘national database’ won’t be completed ’til at least 2014, having already been in development for a fair number of years.
Secondly, how will the data be collected? Would I have to register my home-based SMTP server as something that could be indexed by the database? Or is it a case that all email traffic would just be collected by the ISPs? What about spam? Will the database be recording that as well? What about text messages? Will they be stored? If not, why not? And with the incidence of pay as you go mobile phones for calls etc., how would you trace them to the right person. I suspect there’d be a lot of phones registered in the name Michael Mouse, or Donald Duck, for example.
Then there’s the entire issue of data protection – and even of how long the data will be kept. Twelve months? Twenty-four? Sixty? Considering the data-protection screw-ups of the last twelve months, would you expect the data about your emails and phone calls to stay protected any more securely than – for example – the information about your child benefits, driving licence details, credit card details, or anything else that the Government’s lost copies of recently?
Of course, those questions don’t even scratch the surface of the problems. Why the hell should the government be allowed to just keep all records, based on the premise that they might (and let’s be honest, it’s a pretty fucking slim chance. Even 1000 ‘terrorist’ cases – a number I’ve pulled out of the air – would be less than 1% of 1% of the UK’s populace.) be needed in some kind of anti-terrorism case.
Even more importantly, if this system were to be created and used by the government, now that it’s been publicised, you’d have to be a remarkably fucking stupid terrorist to then communicate via email, phone call, or (perhaps) text message. Instead, they could just go back to using the post, or meeting up, or notice-boards.
Communication doesn’t rely on email and mobile phones – no matter how much the Government wishes it would, so that they could record everything.
Strange Wedding
Posted: Sun 18 May, 2008 Filed under: Domestic, Weirdness Leave a comment »Over the weekend, I had to go to the wedding of my cousin – it was a family thing, and with our side being rather short of numbers at the best of the times, there was definitely an air of “Thou Must Attend”. Herself had to work, so off I went.
It was very strange. Not in a happy-clappy “out in the world” way, or anything like that- in the context of ceremony it was pretty much a standard register-office thing. Well, except that the register office was no longer where the council’s website said it was, and nor was it where we’d been told it was (with postcode etc.) which resulted in a last-minute flurry of mobile-phone calls finding out just where the feck everyone was supposed to actually be.
Eventually found the place though, so all went OK. I’m also glad I didn’t take my main camera, as the “wedding photographer” would’ve been a bit miffed. He was using a Fuji “bridge” camera – fair enough, if it turns out the results, and I’ve had one similar which was excellent – but hadn’t yet managed to figure out (for example) how to turn off the little beeps and ‘shutter clicks’ that it made. Which made things a little bit more amusing during the ceremony, I suppose (for me, anyway) but it just all seemed a little uninspiring. Oh, and he later ran out of battery power just before they cut the cake, so there were no photos of the cake, or anything for any events after that (first dance, etc. etc.) – again, hardly inspiring stuff for a so-called wedding photographer.
Various people had also decided to just get pissed , and were making twats of themselves even before the wedding meal had finished. Still *shrug* not my problem – I don’t have to meet the pillocks ever again, so I don’t really care.
But all told, it just came filed under a very strange wedding, and my parents and brother agreed with that verdict. Ah well, at least I kept the peace by having gone to it.
Lowered Resistance
Posted: Fri 16 May, 2008 Filed under: Domestic, Health 3 Comments »Following on from the dread puking lurgie a couple of weeks back, I suspect that my resistance to illness has fallen somewhat. I’m not completely sure why, but it sure seems to have happened.
This week I’ve been plagued by a sore throat and cough that just keeps getting worse. It’s not rib-rattling (yet) but I’ve also seen the effect it’s had on a colleague (who I suspect I’ve caught it through – the joys of working in an office that sometimes seems to resemble a plague-ward on a bad day) who is most definitely on the rib-rattling stage.
I’ll see how it goes over the weekend – I’m not debilitated by the cough (at the moment) although it’s making sleep rough. (Not helped by the fact that Psycho Cat followed me into the spare bedroom last night, and still spent the night wrapped round my feet.) Not much fun, but there we go.
And once I’ve knocked this one on the head, I suspect I’ll be making sure I take all my vitamins, and make sure that Vitamin C in particular is kept a bit higher than usual, just to build up some resistance to these things again.
Almost Quackricide
Posted: Thu 15 May, 2008 Filed under: Animals, Driving, Thoughts Leave a comment »At the end of our road is a duck-pond (one of four in the village) which has it’s own community of ducks. They’re never exactly afraid of cars at the best of times – one of the people on the road feeds them regularly, so it’s quite common to see a whole line of mallards crossing the road – but they’re even worse at the moment.
It’s breeding/hatching season, you see – so it’s not just all the mature adult ducks, but whole conglomerations of fresh-out ducklings too. And they’re even more food-focussed than the adults. Or maybe they’re just dafter, I’m not sure.
This morning, on leaving the house, I had to stop and wait for the whole line of feathered (OK, downy) fuckwits to cross the road before I could get on with my journey. I don’t mind really – it’s nice to see them plonking about – but it does make me wonder how many will actually survive through to adulthood.