Weighty Issues

Posted: Wed 31 December, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Health, Introspective | 4 Comments »

Over 2008, one thing I planned to do was lose some weight. I know I’ve added more on, and I wrote about it back in August time when we joined up with the new gym that opened locally. At the moment I’ve still got a couple of months ’til the first dollop of membership expires, and in that time I really should start going.

You see, over the last three months I just haven’t had the motivation. (Or, in a lot of cases, the time) I know I should go, I know I need to go in order to lose the weight I’ve put on – but despite that knowing, the actual “OK, I’m going” hasn’t clicked into place.

The thing is, I don’t over-eat – I don’t sit at my desk with chocolate galore, nor am I a biscuit fiend, or a fast-food junkie. (Well, OK, I am a biscuit-fiend, but as a result we don’t buy many biscuits at all, otherwise I’d have an excuse) At home we both eat healthily (Usually vegetarian, occasionally fish, and very little ‘junk’ food) and not to excess. I admit, my portion control could probably do with a bit of work, but that’s it. Even on a diet, I don’t lose much weight – and most of the people we’ve talked to about it say I should eat more, not less, which is something I just can’t get my head round at all.

The lack of motivation gym-wise isn’t helped by the fact that the gym is now in exactly the opposite direction to my workplace, so to go to the gym I drive past the route home. It’s not much of an excuse – it’s not meant to be – but it still contributes. Equally, it’s not open late in the evenings, so we can’t go home, eat, relax, then go.

But all told, it’s really the motivation thing – I know I should go, and I should organise myself better in order to go. I just haven’t done so.

The stupid thing about it all is that I’m not actually happy with my weight being where it is – but at the same time, nor do I worry/care enough about it to want to do anything about it. It’s all a bit of a Catch 22 at the moment – logic and emotion tell me I need to do it, but the motivation side of things, yeah, that’s just not happening. And I don’t really understand why.

I want to go back in the New Year, and see how it goes. But if I’m honest, I don’t know – we’ll see.

Five Things

Posted: Tue 15 January, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Green, Introspective, Own Business, Work-related | 5 Comments »

Gordon’s dumped this meme-thing on me, so I might as well get it done.

The idea of the meme is to list five things in your life now that you would have never thought would be in your life when you were 25.

1. Herself
Yeah, I know, I know, it’s sappy. Live with it. But ten years ago, Herself was going to marry (if not already married to) the now-ex, and while we were friends I would never have thought at that time that we’d be together.

2. A House
Well, not “a” house, I suppose, but “Owning a house”, definitely not. Ten years ago I was a year out of being in the pub/hotel trade, and living in a rented flat down in Weymouth. Thoughts of house-purchase had never really been entertained, and really weren’t until late ’05, I think. Until then I was quite happy with renting, and in some ways I could still go back to it – although that’s not a statement of intent, I should point out.

3. A car
Again, I’d never really thought about sorting out driving, and passing the test. Yes, there’d been a couple of things where driving would have made things a lot easier, but there was always someone who could help out, or give me a lift on those occasions. Other than that, I didn’t really need one. Now, life would be much harder if I couldn’t drive – it probably would’ve precluded the house completely, just on the grounds that there’s absolutely sod-all public transport in the area that I could use to feasibly get to the nearest train station, supermarket, library, town, city, anything.

4. A business
Actually, I’ve had one of these before, and I’m just going through the guff of setting up a new one. But back when I was 25, having my own company was a pipe-dream, never really expecting it to happen the way it has. The additional part of that would be that I didn’t really expect to still be in IT and websites ten years on- not that I had any idea what I would be doing, either- so that’s another surprise really.

5. The lifestyle I’ve now got.At 25, I couldn’t have imagined at all that I’d be living in Norfolk, doing a passable impression of “The Good Life”, with my own chickens, garden, plans for the veg patch, and a fairly solid interest in all things Green – wind and solar power, self-sufficiency, water butts galore, (which reminds me, we really must start making some use of the big one that’s hidden away behind the shed. It’s full, and has been since October, but it’s rained so much, we haven’t had cause to drain it) butterfly and insect habitats, bird feeders, and all those trappings of hippydom. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.

So, who else to tag with it? Oh, I think probably Blue Witch, Dragon, SkyTower, Quixotic Evil and Matt.

Twelve Months

Posted: Mon 31 December, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Introspective | Leave a comment »

It occurred to me recently that I hadn’t written much about depression of late – and there’s been a number of reasons for that. Anyway, it seems as good a time as any to do it, what with 2008 being just round the corner and so on.

In a lot of ways, 2007 has been quite a tough year for me – there’s been a lot of work going on, but I’ve found myself prone to occasional deep bouts of blah, where all motivation and interest fall out the window. Some of it has been due to sheer workload throughout the year – in the last year we’ve bought a house, (and all the fun that entailed) done a load of work on it, moved in, continued working on it, worked in/on the garden, and made a whole bundle of alterations. (Of which there’ll be even more in 2008) At the same time, while I’ve stayed working for the same primary place all year (again, something that will change in ’08) I’ve also worked on a whole range of other sites and so on privately. So overall the workload has been pretty high.

But the thing that’s hit me the hardest, oddly enough, has been the weather. While we had a couple of decent months early in the year with lots of warmth and sunlight, the rest of the year really hasn’t lived up to the initial promise, and it seems to have been predominantly grey and grotty – which has a major effect on my levels of depression and so on. May/June in particular were tough, as I don’t think we had one decent day in that time, and it hit me seriously hard. The rest of the year has been a bit better, but not by much.

How can I tell? Because autumn and winter haven’t really had any noticeable effect on my levels of blah – they’re already way down, so the change is nowhere near as significant as it has been in other years.

There’ve been other bits along the way as well, but over all it’s just been a bit of a grind to get through this year. All I can do is hope that 2008 is at least slightly easier to get through, or at least that the weather’s better, and so I can deal with some of it via the power of sunlight.

’tis.

Posted: Tue 25 December, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Festering Season, Introspective | 1 Comment »

Bah, Humbug‘Tis the season to be jolly say “bollocks”.
Fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

I’m taking the dog out for a walk. Hibernation seems like a good plan, but instead the demands of animals is upon us.

More tomorrow.

Where Next?

Posted: Sun 9 December, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Organised, Introspective, Work-related | Leave a comment »

At the moment it’s looking like my contract in Cambridge is coming to an end – they haven’t actually told me either way yet, but as it comes closer and closer to the end of the month, the likelihood of it finishing is becoming more real. Not that I’m bothered, to be honest – it’s about time for me to move on, but I could stay there another couple of months if I had to, too. At the moment it’s one of those *shrug* decisions – I don’t honestly mind whether I stay or go.

But while they can’t decide, it means that my CV starts doing the rounds again, and I find myself wondering where’s (and what’s) next.

It’s not an uncommon thought, to be honest – and I know I’ve written about it before- (Probably several times – I just can’t be chuffed to check) but I also find myself coming back to the question of “Is this what I actually want to do?” And at the moment, the answer comes back “No”. The problem arises from the fact that I don’t really know what I actually do want to do for a living. Well that’s not true either – it’s more that I know the things I’d like to be able to do for a living, but there’s a whole shitload of work to do to break me in to those areas before I can change.

So for the moment I know I’ve got to keep on with what I do, and see how things progress. At the same time, I need to work hard towards the things I do want to do as I go on. And really that’s the plan. I know what I want to do, what I want to be, and now I “just” need to work towards those goals.

[Quick Update: The contract is now likely to extend to the end of Jan, but on a seriously reduced number of days, so if I can find something new that’ll be a good thing too.]

Networking

Posted: Sun 2 December, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Introspective, Own Business, Work-related | 1 Comment »

Part of the entire process of developing more work for myself is the networking thing. I’ve almost certainly whittled on about this before- and almost certainly will do again- but it’s something I have to keep doing, and it’s interesting (to me, if no-one else) to see how things develop.

I’ve been a member of LinkedIn for about a year now, as well as Freelancers.Net and Cambridge Refresh.

In addition, I’m now working on getting added to more local networks, like the “Produced In Norfolk” and “Norfolk Network” sites, both of which seem to cater for the kind of things I’m doing. I think the real downside of this is that it all costs – although that’s OK so long as it gets some business coming back in. If it doesn’t, then it’s probably not worth renewing come 2009, I suspect. Then again, that’s all part of the big adventure, discovering that works, what doesn’t, which contacts are good, which aren’t.

The thing is, while I’ve made contacts through things like LinkedIn and Freelancers.Net, I haven’t had any business from them. In fact on that score I’d say LinkedIn is worse, because at least on Freelancers I can still ask and answer relevant questions, and build up the “brand recognition” of my company name due to the Google indexing of the forum, whereas with LinkedIn it’s more about making contacts without the extra “brand” cachet.

In fact, all my actual business in 2006 and 2007 has been generated by either personal contacts, word of mouth, or recommendations from clients and agencies where I’ve got a pre-existing relationship. So that says to me that actually while the “brand recognition” stuff from the forums is useful for “references”, it’s still the personal networking side that generates the actual business.

Lose Some Weight in ’08

Posted: Wed 14 November, 2007 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Health, Introspective, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

One of the things I know I really should/need to do over the next year is get back into going to the gym, doing more exercise of whatever type, and generally lsing some weight.

This last year, and particularly following on from the farce with Holmes Place (Now Virgin Active, but still scumbag dickheads) I lost all real motivation to keep going to the gym, which was a habit I’d managed to get in to before starting work in Cambridge.

About two months ago, we did get round to joining the one in Dereham, although not paying a monthly subscription – and maybe that’s part of the problem as well. Because it’s “Pay as you go” rather than “Pay regardless” it means that there’s still not actually much drive to get us there. If they were taking £35 a month from us and we weren’t using it, we’d feel far more guilty, and would have more drive to go.

At the same time, this year we’ve been hyper-busy with stuff on the house and garden, which has also added to our lack of motivation for going to the gym. Of course, working in the garden should also add to the general exercise regime, and probably will, but it’s not quite the same as a gym session.

So I know that in the new year (possibly before then, although the way the next seven weeks are looking at the moment, I wouldn’t guarantee it) I need to do more on the exercise and fitness front. It won’t just be the gym, I suspect – I still want to get back into the archery, but when it’s only held on a Sunday, it eats in to the time I’ve got for dealing with house stuff too. Still, I’ll look round, see what other clubs are available – I don’t mind taking up an evening with going, but a Sunday is (at the moment anyway) a bit too much.

I also need to think about getting the bike back on the road – I had it serviced and repaired recently, so that it’s in full working order again, but then just haen’t been using it, or really feeling like I want to get out and use it. I may make use of it in the time between Christmas and New Year, when I’m not working, and see how things go.

All told though, I know that I need to get back to where I was in mid 2006, regularly going to the gym and generally getting into it, losing a fair amount of weight, and gaining a commensurate amount of fitness. I know I need to do it, but I still need to locate the motivation to actually do so. And that’s what I need to work on first, breaking back into the habit, and wanting to go, rather than “just” knowing I need to.

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