Festerous
Posted: Thu 21 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, D4D™, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Shopping, Thoughts Leave a comment »
This year I’m trying hard to not get ranty about the Festering Season – which is no mean feat, I can assure you. (I’ve also just discovered that I’ve not used that Scrooge image for nearly three years in a Festering Season post, so welcome back owd fella)
After all, my local Tesco Tosspots had Christmas Cards on sale at the end of September, for fuck’s sake. They’ve had mince pies since August, but I didn’t even bother getting any photos of those.
Since then, it’s just been going on and on. Their tree went up (fully decorated) before Hallowe’en was done. The foodstuffs have been in since November 1st.
I know shops need to have the time to sell all their festive shit. I suspect that they’re also stretching out the season ‘because of the financial climate’, allowing their customers to spread the cost of the Festering Season over greater time, rather than being crippled in December. I get that, and I don’t mind. (Too much)
It still narks me that everything is so obsessed with materialism, gifts, and the social-status inferred therein. I can’t help it. I don’t like seeing it in the shops for three damn months, or hearing poxy bastard carols on shop sound systems for two months. But it’s pretty much unavoidable – I try to limit my exposure to it all, but there still has to be some, sadly.
But I’m trying hard to not be too ranty about it. For now. That may change over the next few weeks – after all, there’s still a month to go…
Search Terms
Posted: Tue 19 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Media, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yesterday it was announced that Google and Microsoft (by which they mean Bing) were editing/updating 100,000 search terms linked to images of child abuse. That’s all well and good, except that
- I’m sure there’s a lot more than 100,000 terms that could be used/created/combined in order to find those results
- I’m also pretty damn certain that the main perpetrators, creators and viewers of such images don’t hunt for them using run-of-the-mill search engines like Google and Bing.
- And yes, OK, probably there are people stupid enough to search using mainstream search, but those are the ones that are easy (well, easier) to track down and locate anyway.
So really (as far as I can see) this is more of a sop to the media and government than it is likely to be of any real use or relevance.
Following the Crowd – Again
Posted: Sat 16 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charity, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Introspective, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Following on from yesterday’s post about charity, Children in Need, and doing what everyone else does, another current grouse is around Movember. It’s a great cause – raising awareness of male cancers, and raising funds for fighting them – but it’s another group thing.
In my office, every other male member of staff is doing it. And when you ask their motivations? Yep, it’s either “Well, everyone else is doing it, so I thought I would”, or “it’s for charity”. Yet when I asked them what charity it was for, at least half had no bloody clue, and aren’t even doing it to raise money.
Movember started off as a fun idea – but this year it’s got huge sponsors (including Gilette – which is kind of obvious, in fairness – and Three) but I just kind of get twitchy when it comes to charitable stuff with large corporate sponsors.
So yeah, if you’re going to do something that’s based around charity – at least support that charity, or know what the frick you’re talking about, rather than just following the damn crowd.
Twats
Posted: Fri 15 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, News, People, Stupidity Leave a comment »Sometimes it seems to me that people are just too self-absorbed to carry on breathing.
This story from the BBC, of holidaymakers walking along a jammed M11 to get to Stansted Airport is one of those times.
End Credits
Posted: Fri 8 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, People, Seeing Films, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I went to see Thor2 with a friend.
It’s crap, but watchable crap – I’ve never been a massive Thor fan (well, not the comic-book version anyway) but it’s OK.
However.
It’s a Marvel film, and (to my recall) all Marvel films are known to have at least one ‘during-the-credits’ extra scene, which is usually worth hanging around for. Thor2 actually has two – one mid-credits, and one right at the end. Which is fine – it’s (I thought) a known thing, or at least should be to regular cinema-goers, and fans of Marvel films. I know a lot of people on Twitter have mentioned them, so I figured they were well-known.
But it amazed me how many people started leaving as soon as the credits started. I reckon a good 60% of the audience had gone by the time the first ‘during-the-credits’ scene appeared, and probably 95% had gone by the time of the final one. OK, the scenes aren’t essential to the main film or anything like that, but they’re fun additions – I’m just surprised by how many people apparently still don’t know that these things happen.
Premature Celebration
Posted: Sat 26 October, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, People, Weirdness 2 Comments »I don’t know why, but as a nation we seem to be making a real habit of celebrating things earlier than their assigned dates – and not just the Festering Season.
Tonight – October 26th – I’ve had about four sets of people knocking on the door for Hallowe’en / “Trick or Treat” shenanigans, and I know lots of places are doing Hallowe’en parties. Don’t forget, Hallowe’en isn’t even until Thursday – so we’re not even on the nearest weekend to the poxy thing.
And then we’ve also had the village fireworks display – and that’s still two weeks away!
Widow
Posted: Thu 24 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Health, Media, News, People, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »This year’s symptom of the media Silly Season appears to be the “False Widow” spider, which is the UK’s most venomous spider, but is also nowhere near as poisonous/bad/evil as it’s been portrayed, along with the resultant hysteria.
For whatever reason though, it’s been all over the news, with hysterical coverage about people who’ve been bitten “and nearly died“. Of course, it’s hard to gauge how near-to-death anyone was when they actually survived – I could say I “nearly died” anytime I cough, sneeze, or have a particularly strenuous dump.
The latest ridiculously hysterical reaction was the closure of a school in the Forest of Dean because of ‘an infestation’ of false widows (for fuck’s sake)
Now yes, I’m quite sure the bite hurts – and that there are a tiny minority of people who react badly to said bites, in the same way that there’s a small selection of people who react badly to wasp stings, peanuts etc. But it’s a tiny minority who get bitten at all (most just introduce spider to literature anyway) and an even tinier minority therein who react in such a way. But if you read the media, they’re everywhere, and everyone’s being bitten.
I know, I know, it’s always been thus with the media – compare any hysterical theme story with people you actually know, and you’ll find that most of them are stories that only happen to a tiny minority. Supposedly it’s that fact that makes the stories “news”, but that hype then blows it all out of proportion/sanity, leaving idiots people with the impression it’s happening everywhere.
Sometimes I wish the media would just shut the fuck up about stupid hype-ridden hyperbolic stories, and (in an ideal world) allow people to get on with their lives without this hysterical bullshit constantly going on.
Big Screen
Posted: Tue 15 October, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, People, Technology, Television 3 Comments »An email went round work yesterday, that Costco have a 65″ TV on a special deal for £2,000. (I don’t know why we get these emails, but hey ho)
I’m just gobsmacked by that. A 65-inch screen – that’s nearly five-and-a-half feet of diagonal screen-size!
I honestly don’t get the desire/need for these super-large screens. Admittedly some of that is due to the fact I live in a tiny house where something that size would take up about two-thirds of the available wall space, but I still don’t get the appeal, the way that TVs now seem to dominate living space.
I used to have a big-ass wide-screen TV, although that was pre-flatscreens, and was a huge lump of Sony Trinitron that took two people to lift it. Even that though was only about a 36 or 38″ screen – this advertised one would be nearly twice that in size.
Fair play, other people seem to want TVs this size – it’s just not something I aspire to own, and I can certainly think of many better things to spend £2,000 on.
Legally Dead
Posted: Fri 11 October, 2013 Filed under: Geeky, Ideas, Legal, News, People, Thoughts, Writing 1 Comment »The BBC today has a fantastic story about Donald Miller, an American man who had disappeared for 8 years, was declared legally dead in 1994, then reappeared in 2005, having been drifting and moving from place to place since 1986.
Because he’d been declared legally dead, his ‘widow’ was given his Social Security death benefits, so when he reappeared – and I’m reading between the lines a little – it looks like they’ve tried to claim that back.
However, because he’s been ‘dead’ so long, that decision can’t be resolved or overturned. Apparently it can be within three years (which is pretty mind-boggling in itself) but not after 19 years – unsurprisingly.
What this means is that Donald Miller remains legally dead.
Of course, my mind went off on a tangent at that point, and thought about how cool this actually is. (in some ways) I wonder what would happen if (for example) he robbed a bank. Could a legally-dead person be charged with a crime? Could it go to court? I suspect not. Even fingerprint checks would – as I understand it – come back as being those of a dead person. And what happens when he does actually die?
It’s all a very odd story, based around odd tenets of law. And I suspect we haven’t heard the last of it.
CEOP and NCA
Posted: Thu 10 October, 2013 Filed under: Cynicism, People, Security, Thoughts 1 Comment »I see that with the introduction of the new National Crime Agency (whose name sounds more like a criminal organisation, similar to Murder, Inc., than a law-enforcement one – you’d have thought National Crime Prevention Agency would’ve been a better choice) they’ve also wrapped up CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection) into it as well.
I’ve always had my doubts about the use of CEOP as anything except propaganda. (and I’ve said so before) I don’t doubt that there is such a thing as child pornography, nor that abuse happens, that it’s more prevalent (or at least more reported on) now, and that t’internet has made things easier for paedophiles and abusers to both find victims and distribute those images. (And on a related subject, I also just read this story from the Guardian, and Bloody Hell)
But – ah, but – I do doubt that the methods for distribution of those images include things like Facebook and Twitter. I do doubt that ‘abuse’ on social media is as prevalent as CEOP makes out. The stats they release every quarter always make me think that they’re more about justifying their own existence, as do most of their stories, press releases and news soundbites. Yes, there should be an area of Policing and/or Law Enforcement that deals with these issues – but in my opinion it should be a part of standard policing, similar to New York’s Special Victims Unit (yes, it’s real, not just part of a TV Series mythology)
I’d rather see specialists per force – with the ability to communicate and operate between forces – than an agency that works so hard to justify its own existence.
Or of course, I could be being wholly cynical and uninformed about the entire thing. Who knows?
Tenancies and Tenants
Posted: Wed 9 October, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, Housing, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »I wrote on Monday about the fact I’ve been able to renew my tenancy with the current place for another year, and how easy all of that process has been.
At the same time, another semi-friend, an ex-colleague, has been having a nightmare of a time with her new tenancy – having paid for references etc., the landlord has then announced that he’s putting the house on the market to sell it. She hasn’t paid the deposit etc., so she hasn’t got a leg to stand on, and all told it’s a pretty shitty situation.
But. Ah, but.
In the two-ish years I’ve known her, this is her third or fourth move. As regular readers know, I’d never snark on someone for moving a lot – my own current record of eight moves in ten years goes some way to illustrating why – but in her case, and in each case, she’s moved because there’s been something major wrong with the place she’s living. White goods haven’t been working properly, maintenance hasn’t been great, bad neighbours, bad landlords – indeed, she’s taking her current landlord through the Housing Ombudsman, which I didn’t even know existed. She’s also taken neighbours at the current place to court for some reason or other.
To my mind – and in my experience – when someone always has problems with something, you sometimes have to sit back and look at the common factors. In this case, we’re talking about four or five different landlords, and different properties, all of which are supposedly bad. But what’re the odds?
I’ve been renting places for *cough* twenty-plus years, and I’ve never had a landlord or property that bad. Ever. My brother’s in a similar position, having rented places for a fair old number of years as well. We’ve certainly both had smaller issues with places, or with landlords, (The one that always stands out for me was the one in Manchester that got broken into twice – the landlord for that one was a commercial entity, and totally useless) but I’ve never felt the need to make a big thing of it, let alone take anyone to court or ombudsmen, and I’m sure my brother’s the same.
All told it makes me just think that the person is a nightmare rather than the houses/landlords.
Because of the situation she’s currently in, I did think about acting as a referee for her – not a guarantor by any stretch, but just a referee – and then thought about the rest of it, the fact that whatever I did would come back and almost certainly bite me on the arse, that wherever she goes next will also be “a nightmare”, and you know what? I just don’t need that much hassle in my life.
More cynically, I figure that a lot of it is about reaping what she’s sown, but that’s not my problem, and it’s not my place to help those who won’t help themselves.
Not Quite An Apology
Posted: Thu 3 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Literacy, People, Sweary, Thoughts, Words 2 Comments »One of the phrases that keeps on annoying me at the moment is the current ‘approved’ terminology for an apology
We’d like to apologise for [x]
Why does it annoy me? Because if you look at it, it’s not actually an apology. It’s a mealy-mouthed excuse. “We’d like to apologise for [x]” isn’t the same as “We are really sorry about [x]”
I know it’s probably only me that even notices this kind of thing, but regardless, it’s an annoyance.
If you’re sorry for something, say you’re sorry. Apologise. Don’t tell me that you’d like to apologise – because that’s not actually apologising. It might as well say “We’d like to apologise, but won’t, because well, fuck you”
Just say “Sorry”. Don’t wank around the bushes with it. Say you screwed up, apologise, move on.
Nationality
Posted: Thu 3 October, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, People, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »Over the last few days, the BBC website has had some really interesting pieces on Nationality, and people giving up one Nationality for another. What I’ve found really interesting has been the motivations for doing so – and how so many of them seem to be financial, of the country they’re no longer resident in making financial demands on ex-pats. America is particularly hot on this, apparently (<sarcasm>I know, hard to imagine America being fiscally tight.</sarcasm>)
Anyway, it’s made for interesting reading…
- Goodbye, US Passport was the article that started the series
- Twenty ex-Americans explain why – pretty self-explanatory
- Twenty readers who switched nationalities – and then twenty other people, explaining their reasons for switching Nationality from other countries
I’ve often thought about going to another country – I still don’t know if I will in the end or not, there’s a lot of rebuilding to be done yet, regardless – but it’s been interesting to see these knock-on effects that you don’t really think about all that much, and particularly about the ongoing demands of the country you’ve left.
Approaching Year-End (Part 2)
Posted: Mon 23 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season, People, Shopping 1 Comment »At the end of August, I wrote about the signs that we were coming to the end of the year, and the Festering Season. Obviously X-Factor and Strictly being back on TV are the two primary harbingers mentioned in that one.
Now though, I’m seeing more signs – and they seem to be earlier than ever.
- On TV, we’re starting to see the adverts for perfumes/fragrances (for both men and women) and also the music compilation CDs that only ever seem to be on the shelves for the Festering Season. It’s always the “Oh god, I don’t know – get something” gift of last resort.
- In the supermarkets, hard though it is to believe, there’s already Christmas confectionary and mince pies on the shelves.
- And then there was this, spotted yesterday…
Yep, Christmas Cards are already on the shelves. I despair.
I’m surprised at how early all this tat is hitting the shops- I assume it’s retail’s way of handling people having less money than usual, so making the items available ever earlier. Personally I think that’s bollocks, and they’re just hoping for as many sales as possible – but as you can see from the picture above, people are actually buying the damn cards already…
Up For Sale
Posted: Sun 22 September, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, House Purchase, Norfolk, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »Having just done a random search, I’ve found out that the house in Norfolk I had with Herself is back up for sale.
It’s kind of weird, seeing the changes that have been put in by the new owners – some make sense, and are things we’d talked about doing. However, others are – somewhat mental.
As a prime example of the latter, the new owners have brutally trimmed the cherry tree in the front garden, and completely removed the huge weeping willow that was in the back garden. (and was one of the factors that made me like the place) I can see why they would have got rid of it – it was a pain in the tits to mow around, and dropped crap on the grass all year round – but it was such a fantastic tree, I’m actually kind of sad to know that it’s gone.
Interestingly, despite the work the new owners have obviously done, the price isn’t actually any different than we paid for it six years ago.
Progress, eh?
Changing Homes
Posted: Fri 13 September, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »No, it’s not me that’s changing homes, for once – I’m staying firmly put for a while longer, I think.
In this case, one of the houses along the road from me went up for sale nearly a year ago, sold in February of this year, and last weekend they were finally able to move out. (I don’t know the people, I’ve just seen how long they’ve stayed there after the ‘sold’ sign went up!) The front garden of the house was filled with plants, including a spectacular lilac, and was really quite decent. Not my thing, but decent all the same.
Anyway, within a week of moving in, the new owners have completely ripped out everything in the front garden. I don’t know what they’ve done with it all (one assumes the tip’s been busy) but I came home the other day and noticed the change straight away.
I understand the whole thing of buying something/somewhere to do your own thing to it, and all that Sarah Beeny crap. I get making it your own, making it more attractive, more sellable, blah blah. I just don’t necessarily get the reasoning of buying something, only to rip out one of its more appealing features. I just think it’s a bit of a shame really. (And yes, I know it’s nothing to do with me.)
Common Sense (Or Lack Thereof)
Posted: Fri 6 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Driving, Fog, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s horrid (yet spectacular) crash in Kent on the Sheppey Crossing, the BBC’s now carrying a story saying that various people are wanting warning signs, lighing etc. on the bridge to prevent such an accident again.
The thing is, I don’t see how that’s going to improve things. (other than in the context of Being Seen To Be Doing Something)
The accident(s) happened in thick fog. As such, I would suspect that the actual primary causes of the accident(s) were
- Fog
- Drivers going too fast
- Drivers not using their lights/foglights
- Drivers being dickheads
I get the idea of warning signs on the crossing – again, in that context of Being Seen to be Doing Something – but I can’t see how they’ll improve safety. After all…
- If they’re warning of thick fog, will people be able to see them in – um – the thick fog?
- If they’re giving warnings, won’t they also be distracting the attention of dickhead drivers who don’t seem able to multitask?
If the warning signs just read “Don’t be a fucking moron”, it might help. But even then, it would be helping far less than drivers simply not being fucking morons.
Driving Thoughts
Posted: Thu 5 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Fog, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »A small selection of questions and thoughts from the drive in to work this morning…
1) Look, if you’re driving so slowly in a car that trucks are pulling out to overtake you, maybe you should speed the fuck up, or get off the bloody road.
2) It’s foggy. So why are so many people driving
- without any lights at all or
- without their foglights on?
Usually it only takes a tiny piece of mist and they’re all in use, but this, with visibility of fuck-all-squared, there’s loads of people without lights. What the hell?
(And on a side note, bloody hell, I’m glad I’m not involved in this lot in Kent!)
3) Relatedly, why is it that once the fog clears up, you fuck-knuckle bastards leave your sodding foglights on ? They’re there for a reason, remember to turn the cocking things off when they’re no longer necessary
4) Why is it that so-called “professional drivers” (articulated trucks, delivery stuff, coaches etc.) usually end up being the most dangerous ones on the road?
5) If that’s how you drive, Mr Driving Instructor, then I truly fear for the skills of your pupils.
6) If you can’t steer/handle a shopping trolley, it really scares me to know that you’ve arrived here by car, and will be driving home. Jesus.
Driving Through
Posted: Wed 7 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »My local supermarket is on a small(ish) retail estate, and there’s also a McDonalds in the area, with a full “drivethrough” (sorry, “drivethru” *spitting noise*) option. Every time I go past it, there’s something that boggles my brain.
I don’t understand the drive-through option. Well, that’s not true – there’s one particular aspect of drivethrough behaviour that I really don’t understand. I get the whole “grab food while driving, and continue going” concept, that’s fine. For now we’ll gloss over the whole road-safety aspect – after all, if it’s dangerous to use a mobile phone while driving, surely it’s equally dangerous to be eating a messy burger – but I get the concept.
What I don’t get though, are the people who use the drive-through, and then park up to eat their ‘food’. What’s the reasoning? If you’re going to do that, surely it’s just as easy to take a proper break, go inside, sit at a table, eat, and then leave to go back on the road.
What’s the logical process for getting food, and then sitting right outside the premises (I refuse to call it a restaurant, sorry) to eat them?
Yet every time I drive past, there they are – people doing exactly that. They’ve bought at a drive-through, and now they’re sat in the car park to eat it. It truly makes my brain bleed.
Body-Image and Vanity
Posted: Thu 1 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Health, People, Television, Thoughts, Weight Loss 1 Comment »On Channel4 this week there was a really good documentary(ish) with Alex Brooker about male body image, called “My Perfect Body”
It’s interesting to see how the perception of men’s bodies has changed over the last few years, and particularly a lot of men’s self-perception of their bodies, and particularly the assertions that a man isn’t ‘successful’ if they’re overweight, don’t have a six-pack stomach, etc. etc. In a lot of ways I think the programme was right, that a lot of men do ‘value’ themselves by way of their bodies, and that this is (at least to a degree) related to advertising/marketing, and those images of male perfection.
The other interesting side to it was about male vanity, and the surge in male grooming, ‘metrosexuality’, and even how male groups react to each others bodies; the basic answer being that men are (in many ways) bitchier to their friends than women are to their friends.
Personally, the whole vanity thing isn’t something I’ve ever been prone to. Yes, I currently want to lose some weight – but that’s more for health reasons and the like, rather than wanting to be thin/’successful’/’desireable’ and all that pap. Realistically, I’ll never be some 14-stone super-fitty, and honestly I don’t want to be.
I find it fascinating how the whole ‘group think’ perception seems to work, but I’m pretty immune to it. I wonder sometimes if that’s because I’ve never really had a whole group of male mates, and never been inculcated into that type of setup. I don’t know.
I’m not going to worry about it – part of my whole self-image/self-perception is probably more easily described as “This is me. Like it, don’t like it. Your choice”. In general, I’ve always found that seems to be a fairly healthy self-image, and it certainly causes me a lot less stress than a lot of people in the documentary…
Children and Racism
Posted: Thu 25 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, People Leave a comment »This video is really interesting…
Basically, Cheerios released an advert in America that featured a multi-racial relationship, and – unsurprisingly – a lot of people complained about it. The video below shows the ads, and then the reactions of some young children to it, and to the ‘controversy’.
If nothing else, it gives us some hope for the future, where America will possibly become less racist.
Pulling Out
Posted: Tue 23 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Driving, People, Stupidity 2 Comments »On my route to work – in particular, although I’ve noticed this phenomenon in many road/junction situations – there are a couple of junctions from which people can pull out onto the main roads, which are (of course) much faster.
I’ve noticed of late that there seem to be a significant number of drivers who either don’t look before pulling out, or look but who are incapable of actually judging the speed of oncoming vehicles. To whit, my oncoming vehicle.
I’ve actually lost count of the number of times this year where I’ve been hacking down the main road at 60, and these ball-bags just pull out in front of me, necessitating my needing to significantly slow down.
Even worse, they pull out and then just pootle along at 20 or 30 mph. I know it takes time to get up to speed – but seriously, so should they. And if you’re going to do a manoeuvre like that, you damn well make sure that you’re going to be speeding up in pretty fucking short order. (Well, I do!)
I don’t understand the logic (or lack thereof) in doing this, of pulling out in front of someone who’s already on the main road. All I can assume is that it’s either a) some innate need to be ‘first’, even if that means running the risk of being killed, b) they’re wanting an accident which would be “not their fault” in order to claim and replace their vehicle, c) an arrogance that their driving will force the other driver to slow down, d) they’re just fuckwit bastards, or e) all of the above.
Regardless, it just pisses me off.
Heatwave
Posted: Wed 17 July, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, People, Weather Leave a comment »I know it’s been said by many, many people over the last few days, but fucking hell, it’s warm.
I don’t mind heat when there’s some breeze to cool it down – which is probably why I like the coast, lakes and the like. But at the moment it just seems to be so still, so stale, so humid.
Still, at least it’s warm and sunny, and that’s a good thing after what has felt like a very long winter.
Reaping What’s Been Sown
Posted: Sun 14 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Parking, People Leave a comment »Tonight, I’m enjoying a dose of schadenfreude (“enjoying the misfortune of others”, if you didn’t know)
Yesterday morning, an idiot parked up in a big-ass Mercedes in the pub car park opposite where I live. And left their parking light on. I don’t know where they’re staying – the pub doesn’t have rooms, so really they’re just taking the piss anyway. So the parking light has stayed on while they’ve been staying wherever.
Now they’ve come back to the car – parked up for 36 hours in a commercial(ish) car park, parking light on – to discover that a) they have a parking ticket, and b) their battery is flat, the car won’t start, and they’ve had to call the AA. (I don’t know for sure, but I assume that the AA will charge as well, as it’s down to driver idiocy.) Of course, because their car is safe, off the road, and not in any feasible danger, it’s right at the bottom of the priority list.
All told, I’m finding it very hard to be sympathetic to their plight, and may in fact be chuckling quite a lot.
And yes – I know I’m going to reap something on this myself, so by the end of the week expect me to be saying something about a broken car.
Not What They Meant
Posted: Thu 11 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Media, Pedantry, People, Writing Leave a comment »Today in the EDP (well, on their website at least) there’s this headline
Murdered Wisbech pensioner’s niece makes emotional appeal six months after she was brutally stabbed to death and set on fire
Now, you know they mean “Niece makes emotional appeal six months after her pensioner aunt was brutally stabbed and set on fire“, but that’s not what it actually says.
So instead I’m going to be impressed at the moral strength of someone so distraught that she can make an appeal about a pensioner six months after being brutally stabbed and set on fire.
Yes, yes, I’m a bad person.
Power Play
Posted: Sun 23 June, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Sat in the cinema, waiting for the film to start, another couple come in. They start to discuss where to sit. She wants to be near the front. He – it’s safe to say – doesn’t.
Her : “I want to sit here, it’ll be fine”
Him : “let’s go to the back. There’ll be less people” (wrong, but hey ho)
Her : “I want to sit here”
Him : “fine babe, you pick where you want to sit”
She does.
Him : “well I’m not sitting there” and walks off, expecting her to follow.
She doesn’t.
Five minutes later, he comes back, and sits next to her.
Funny as hell, to the observer. 🙂
Commuting in Half-Term
Posted: Wed 29 May, 2013 Filed under: Commuting, Driving, M1, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Currently, the schools around where I live and work are on a break for half-term , and the effect this has had on my commute is just ridiculous.
During term-time, a “good” commute is 35-45 minutes door-to-door in the morning, and a “bad” one can be an hour plus. The difference in departure time to change from a good to a bad one can be less than ten minutes.
Today, my door-to-door morning run – even with still fairly heavy traffic on the M1 – was 22 minutes. That’s nearly half the time it takes during term-time.
I know more parents drive their kids to school “these days” (and yes, I also know what an old fart that makes me sound like) but the difference in traffic-flow really is surprising, even with that knowledge.
Ageing
Posted: Sat 25 May, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Most of the time, I forget I’m 41. Hell, most of the time I have to work it out when someone asks how old I am. No-one ever believes I’m the age I am, and most people seem to estimate it as mid-30s (or less than 12, depending on my behaviour at the time) which is fine with me. Fact is, people have been estimating my age as mid-30s since I was early 20s, so I suppose I’m aging fairly well in general – although I must’ve been fuck-rough at 20.
My hair’s been going grey since mid-20s, and that doesn’t really bother me. My mum went grey early on – less charitable souls could observe that might be related to having me – so it’s always been expected.
Recently though, there’ve been other signs of ageing, and I can’t deny, my own sense of vanity (small though it is) rebels against them.
Firstly it’s been the hair growing on my ears – what the hell is that about? For some reason I now get long hairs growing on the top of my ears, and rounds the edges. I don’t see the point of it, but there we go. It’s annoying- to me – but I’m sure no-one else cares.
And now the grey hairs are appearing elsewhere. Eyebrows first – and man do they show up! And now today, I discovered the latest ignominy – I’m even getting grey chest-hairs. Obviously they’re less publicly visible, but all the same, it’s just a bit depressing, all these combining signs that I truly am getting older…
Bastardry
Posted: Mon 15 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Over the last year, one particular section of my daily commute has made me realise two things
- People are really fucking stupid
- I’m a complete bastard, and still get amused by watching stupid people screw things up
The road section is this one – Junction 13 of the M1. The particularly bad section is at the top – I come off the Motorway at the bottom right of the photo, have to go all the way round the first roundabout, over the motorway bridge, and straight over the second one to head towards home.
Junction 13 of the M1
However, rule #1 above says that people are really fucking stupid. This means that
- At least once a week, I see people on the first roundabout wanting to turn right (i.e. the same way I go), get confused, and drive back on to the M1, instead of taking the next turn off.
- Pretty much every day I see people in the wrong lanes on the first roundabout, being in the left-hand lane to turn right, right-hand lane to turn left or go straight-on, cutting lanes across the roundabout, etc. etc.
- Probably three times out of five, I’ll see people come off the other roundabout, and be totally confused about where to go next. That turn-off has two lanes – the left one to go straight on, the right one to – yes! – turn right. The number of people I follow who are in the wrong lane, and completely bemused by the junction is just unreal.
Of course, with option two there is also the – very minor – justification that it’s a confusing or badly designed junction (and in my opinion it is a bit shit) but it actually isn’t that bad. Slightly obscure, but not bad – so long as drivers read the signs and the roads. Which is, of course, the underlying problem.
And rule #2 is that I’m still a bastard. I can’t help but laugh at the fuck-knuckles who drive back onto the M1, and also (to a lesser degree) to the ones who fuck up the second roundabout.
I’m not perfect when it comes to driving – and I’d never claim to be – but at least I can read the road and don’t screw up the simple things.
Sweary Hypocrisy
Posted: Sun 14 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »I’ve found a new source of amusement – the “Parental Guides” for films on IMDB.
A perfect example is here, for the new Tom Cruise film “Oblivion”
Why is it so amusing? For wondrous things like this…
bitch used 2 times bastard 1 time ass 4 times shit 6 times 1 use of fuck. Son-of-a-b***h is used once.
It’s the hypocrisy of it all – coupled with the tweeness. In the example above, it’s OK to write bitch, bastard and fuck, but son-of-a-bitch gets asterisked out? Fuck me.
Increased Security
Posted: Sat 13 April, 2013 Filed under: D4D™, Geeky, Getting Organised, People, Security, WordPress 1 Comment »At the moment, there is a huge attack going on against blogs using WordPress.
It’s primarily attacking the blogs who’ve kept a lot of the default settings – particularly keeping the primary user as “admin” with weak/known passwords – but still, it’s better to make sure that things are secure.
D4D™ has always been on an altered install of WordPress – mainly because I’m really bad at leaving things alone – so I’m less concerned about it, but all the same, I’ve added in a couple of security plugins just to reinforce things. I’m also making use of Cloudflare to add another level of security.
It’s going to make things interesting for a lot of Blog Owners on the WordPress platform, though. Basically, if you’re on WP you need to :
- Make sure you’re not relying on the “admin” user
- Add a new user to WP , give it admin rights (and a strong password)
- Set “admin” to have the lowest possible permissions (contributor), or delete it completely.
- If possible, make sure your database isn’t using the wp_ prefix for all wordpress tables.
- Use Cloudflare or similar
- Install the Limit Logins plugin
- If you know what you’re doing, also install the Extend WP Security plugin
- Take backups!
There’s other stuff along the way, but those really are the key points.
Stalker TV Ad
Posted: Sun 17 March, 2013 Filed under: Advertising, Cynicism, Marketing, People, Television, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »At the moment, Santander have a set of adverts ‘starring’ Jensen Button, Jessica Ennis and Rory McIlroy. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty creepy…
Seriously, what crack-headed advertising exec ever thought this would be a good idea? To have sporting ‘celebrities’ effectively invading the homes and lives of everyday people, and stalking them? I can’t even understand how it’s going to portray bankers and banking in a positive light.
Indeed for me all it does is serve to make me actively not want to use Santander for anything. Ever.
(Although, on a more cynical note, it does amuse me that Santander are also paying to have the logos for Nike and Adidas all over their ad)
Foggy
Posted: Fri 8 March, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Fog, M1, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Last night and this morning, my drive from/to work was extremely foggy. This morning was worse, but even last night was pretty entertaining.
What always gets me though is the way people handle foggy conditions when they’re driving – particularly with regard to one of the banes of my life, foglights.
At night, it’s exceptionally rare to need foglights – they’re only for times where visibility is exceptionally low, and you’ve no chance of seeing the vehicle in front of you without the additional lights. The good old Highway Code says
Rule 236 : You MUST NOT use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced (see Rule 226)
Rule 226 : “You MUST use headlights when visibility is seriously reduced, generally when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 feet). You may also use front or rear fog lights but you MUST switch them off when visibility improves.”
With lights on at night, it’s exceptionally rare to not be able to see the car 100 metres ahead of you.Yet most of the fuckknuckle cunts are there, belting along with their foglights on.
And yet this morning, when it was actually really bad visibility, most people didn’t put their lights on at all, let alone the foglights.
I truly do not understand people.
Congestion Lane (Again)
Posted: Thu 28 February, 2013 Filed under: Commuting, Driving, M1, People, Travel Leave a comment »Last night, I finally saw the M1 Congestion Scheme in full effect – vehicles in all four lanes, using the whole thing properly.
The only problem?
All the signs were saying “Hard shoulder for emergency use only”, so the scheme wasn’t *actually* active at the time.
Some days I really despair.
The Value of Romance
Posted: Mon 11 February, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, Food, Marketing, People, Thoughts, Valentine's Day Leave a comment »While out over the weekend, I went past a Wetherspoons pub, and they’ve got a stunning offer for Valentine’s Day.
2 for twenty quid – feel valued yet?
Yup – take your beloved out and show her how much you love and value them by making it a Meal for Two for £20. What could possibly be more romantic than that ?
And the sad thing is, I bet they’ll be bloody packed.
Weird Marketing
Posted: Fri 1 February, 2013 Filed under: Advertising, Cynicism, Marketing, People, Valentine's Day, Weirdness 2 Comments »The other day, I got the strangest marketing email in a long while.
It’s from Apple, which probably explains a lot, but still, you’ve got to wonder when it comes to a subject/tag-line like this…
iPad or iPad mini. The perfect choice for Valentine’s Day.
I just can’t compute how that even works .
The additional image didn’t help explain, either.
What. The. Fuck?
Snow Shopping
Posted: Sat 19 January, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, Getting Organised, People, Shopping, Thoughts, Weather 4 Comments »Where I am now, the snow hasn’t been too bad so far. Some of the roads on the way to work are entertaining (the village where work is based is at the top of a hill, so all routes in/out involve some fun slopes) and the lane to the office is deeply dodgy, but where I live has been OK. Snow, but nothing epic.
Compared to the Norfolk and Suffolk places, it’s been a doddle. It helps that all the roads around here are major – M1, and A421 are the two main ones – which means they’re part of the gritting plan and so on.
Anyway, I hadn’t worried about the snow, but did need to do a small amount of shopping today, just basics of veg, bread and the like – but having seen the media reports of people panic-buying, of empty shelves in supermarkets and the like. (And to be fair, the village shop has/had no bread etc. today)
So I girded my loins, and prepared for a shopping trip into chaos, with the supermarket full of idiots. But it didn’t happen. The roads were virtually empty, which boded well. When I got to the local(ish) Te$co, it was virtually empty. Spaces throughout the car park, and virtually no-one around at all.
Inside the store was the same- really quiet, no problems with stock, and very few idiots. (There’s always some, but well, nothing’s perfect) It was probably the best shopping experience I’ve had in that particular store – certainly the one with the fewest people. I got everything I needed, and only wanted to beat one gormless muppet to a pulp with a tin of beans.
So from my side, it just meant that for all the purported problems with snow, it actually made my life easier, better, and less stressy than usual. Which is kind of odd, when you think about it.
Acid Attacks
Posted: Sat 19 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Television, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yesterday I watched the Channel 4 documentary “Saving Face” about Dr Mohammad Jawad, a renowned plastic surgeon who provides pro bono work rebuilding the faces of Indian women who have been the victims of acid attacks by their husbands.
Yeah, attacks with acid – usually sulphuric – being thrown in their faces. Seriously, what the absolute fuck?
I know women in India aren’t treated with the same accord as in the UK and other countries – but seriously, what kind of mindset is there that makes it OK, indeed ‘the done thing’, to disfigure your partner ? What the shit?
It’s just totally beyond me, I simply don’t understand the process that makes this kind of thing OK.
(And yes, I do know – but don’t understand – the philosophy that one’s woman/partner is just a possession, an object you can choose to keep, throw away, or burn to fuck with acid. I know the philosophy, but still, it’s just wrong. )
Embarassing Fat Bodies
Posted: Wed 16 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, 2012/13, Cynicism, Food, Health, People, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Weight Loss Leave a comment »Channel 4’s got a new series of “Embarassing Fat Bodies” at the moment, and it’s really annoying me. Not just because of my own ongoing issues with weight-loss, but just because of the people.
I know I’ve a long way to go, that’s a foregone conclusion. As such I’ve probably not got much room to talk, currently. You know what? I really don’t care.
You see, the difference with me is that I’m doing something about it. I’m taking the hints from my body, and I’m doing something about it.
The people on Embarassing Fat Bodies just don’t – or at least haven’t – and it’s like they’re waiting for some bloody wizard to come along and wave a wand at them to fix the problem.
One of the people on this week’s programme had a hernia the size of a basketball, a lipoma the size of two footballs, is housebound, and has a BMI of 79. Yes, seventy-fucking-nine! But still she eats – and admits to eating – meals for three or four people.
Another one, 35 stone, BMI of 66 waddled in, having done a food diary, talking about “a bag of crisps”. It turned out that what she meant by that was the huge family-bag size bag of crisps. This is someone who can’t stand, and has brought an office-chair into her kitchen so she can scoot around the kitchen rather than walking around it. But still, a diet of crisps, chocolate, full-fat fizzy drinks.
How long does it take to pick up the hints? If you’re that size, at least cut down what you’re eating, or go for the healthier alternatives!
Again, I’m not perfect, I know. Some of my diet isn’t grand – but my intake is on the low side, not the excesses listed by some of the people on this programme.
The Hotel, Channel 4
Posted: Sun 13 January, 2013 Filed under: Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »On Channel 4, they’re currently showing a new series of “The Hotel”, about the Grosvenor Hotel in Torquay.
In many ways it’s absolute road-crash TV, the sort that makes you think “What were they thinking when they agreed to this?” . All the people portrayed are just horrendous, total idiots. Indeed, it’s so bad that you wonder if it’s not completely staged, one of these ‘scripted reality’ shows like “Only way is Essex” etc. Indeed, I’m not yet fully convinced that it’s not.
There are a couple of reasons I’m more given to believe that it’s just stupid people with no clue and no insight into how they appear. They are :
- I’ve worked with several people who have exactly those levels of self-delusion and stupidity. (Funnily enough, all in that same industry)
- The media coverage that the hotel did end up getting sold to new owners
All told, it’s another of Channel 4’s excursions into excruciating people and teeth-grinding situations.
Health Check (Kind of)
Posted: Fri 4 January, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, Health, People | Tags: GP, health 4 Comments »So – how the hell does a GP surgery manage to be no less than 40 minutes late for appointments by 9.40 in the morning? I’d be impressed, if it weren’t for – well – being 40 minutes late.
Even then the full check hasn’t been done – I’ve had the bloods taken to check for Diabetes, Thyroid Levels and Cholesterol, but no blood-pressure test or anything. Supposedly “the receptionist should’ve booked you for a double slot so I could do all that, I don’t have the time to do it all in one slot“.
Of course, that just pissed me off. Other things can cause delays of 40 minutes, but you’re going to just ditch me off because you haven’t got the time? Perhaps it would be easier if you were slightly more organised, and didn’t take half the time I was in there to faff about trying to find things?
So far though, all OK.
I’m now due back in two weeks’ time to find out the results of the blood tests and so on, and at the same time they’ll do my blood-pressure. (Mind you, it’ll likely still be low-normal, which always befuddles the GPs who look at my height/size, and then retake it twice more)
Season Change
Posted: Wed 2 January, 2013 Filed under: Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Now that we’re over and done with on the Festering Season, it’s a season change in the advertising world.
Away go all the ads for perfume, shitty music compilations, and Christmas stuff in general.
Instead, for the start of the new year we get adverts for
- Dating sites – eHarmony, Match.com, etc.
- Weight-loss programmes – WeightWatchers, DietChef and Slimming World
- Holidays (and airlines)
- Banks
One advert is missing from the list though – I think this is the first time in about a decade that I haven’t seen an advert for stopping smoking . I assume they think everyone who’s going to quit has done so by now. Or maybe it’s an extension of all the other laws/rules about not advertising cigarettes – they now also can’t advertise stopping smoking?
Anyway, it’s all interesting, in that it shows how much advertisers expect people to be ‘normal’, to do certain things at certain times of the year. I find that fascinating.
Forward Thinking
Posted: Fri 14 December, 2012 Filed under: Commuting, Driving, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Last night, my drive home (less than twenty miles, all on motorway) took nearly two hours. The cause? A truck with a blown tyre, needing to get it replaced. Because it was an offside wheel, Health and Safety now apparently means that the inside lane needs to be coned off and closed as well, ensuring a safe (or at least comparatively so) workspace for the people replacing the tyre. And I’ve got to be honest, that’s one job I wouldn’t fancy.
I understand that need though, and it doesn’t annoy me. It’s one of those things – it’s not like the trucker planned it to happen, it’s just a facet of the number of miles trucks do. Shit happens.
But while that was the cause of the delays, it wasn’t the reason for the delays. The reason is something that does piss me off – shitty drivers (and particularly the so-called ‘professional drivers’ of trucks, coaches etc.) who don’t move out of the closed lane ’til the last possible second.
In this case, the ‘lane closed’ warnings were in place for eight or nine miles beforehand – and the delays went all that way back. And all of that distance, people were sticking into that lane that they knew was closed – that the signs were reporting as closed. I kept on seeing ‘professional drivers’ bombing down the hard shoulder as well, trying to avoid the stuck traffic. I truly hope those cunts got hauled in by the police and/or Highways Agency, but I’m willing to bet they didn’t.
The only time these (primarily truck-driving) fuck-knuckles moved out of ‘their’ lanes was once the cones were pushing them out, so they had to come in to the next lane, and squeeze in at the last second. It buggers things up, because the people already in that lane then have to move out, or brake and pause to let the fuck-knuckles in, and every time that happens, the jam behind gets worse.
If people moved out in plenty of time, paid heed to the road signs, and worked with the flow of traffic, the entire thing wouldn’t be anywhere near the hassle it proved to be last night.
Oh, who am I trying to kid? It’s never going to happen.
Inside Claridges
Posted: Fri 7 December, 2012 Filed under: Customer Services, Domestic, London, People, Reviews(ish), Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »On BBC currently there’s a wonderful documentary series called “Inside Claridges”. Obviously it’s a ‘behind the scenes’ look at how Claridge’s Hotel runs – and it’s absolutely fascinating, a true “How the other half live”
The entire thing is quite, quite mad – I understand why and how they do what they do, but it really is potty. For example, taking photos of how a suite is laid out when a guest leaves, so that it can be laid out the same way if/when they return to the hotel in the future. I suppose if you’re paying £5,500 per night it’s the kind of invisible thing you expect – and yes, I think paying £5,500 per night is utterly obscene – but to me, it’s also potty.
All told, it’s a really sweet little series, well worth catching on repeats, iPlayer or whatever. It’s what BBC documentaries should be (in my opinion) about – things that the general viewer will never see, the way other people live, even if those lives are completely antithetical to our own.
Seeking Proofreaders
Posted: Thu 22 November, 2012 Filed under: Charm School, Cynicism, Education, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »One of my favourite stories today is that of the Suffolk school that’s now hiring proofreaders to check for mistakes in teachers reports. Yes, really.
From the story…
Northgate High School said the role would include correcting “spelling mistakes, poor or missing punctuation, incorrect capitalisation” and improving “poor grammar”.
The role at the local authority school pays £14 an hour.
Headteacher David Hutton said the work indicates the “high level of professionalism” at the school.
Surely a better mark of the ‘high level of professionalism’ at the school would be to hire teachers who – you know – are capable of spelling correctly and using grammar properly in the first place? After all, if they’re making mistakes on the reports, I’d be pretty damn sure they were making the same mistakes in lessons…
Waiting / Wasting Time
Posted: Wed 21 November, 2012 Filed under: Domestic, Shopping, Shopping, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »One of my regular activities (and of course everyone else’s regular activities) is the domestic shop – it’s not something I enjoy too much, but it’s got to be done. And at the same time I find it fascinating in some ways.
Mainly I love observing people, looking at their motivations, habits, and mindsets. I don’t always understand those mindsets and actions – as with the Reverse Parking thing I commented on a while back.
There’s going to be more of these posts, I think – it’s all making me think a lot about people, their psychology, the mindset for shopping and so on. It’s all just in my head a bit.
Anyway – back to the point of this one. Still in the supermarket carpark, I’m afraid.
So here’s the thing – why do people feel the need to park as close as humanly possible to the actual store? Even to the extent of driving round the nearest loop three or four times, rather than finding a space somewhere else? And particularly to the extent of sitting waiting for someone to load their shopping into the car, return the trolley, and then (eventually) drive off, leaving a queue of people behind, and generally screwing up the entire circuit ?
Me, I park further out, dump straight into a parking slot, and get on with the job. Last weekend I managed to do that, go in, shop, and come back out while at least one twat was still waiting for a parking spot on his circuit.
In short, I really don’t get the concept of ‘saving time’ by parking close to the store, if you have to circle repeatedly and wait for a spot.
Hallowe’en
Posted: Wed 31 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, Hypocrisy, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yes, once again it’s that time of year.
The one where, after telling children all year that they shouldn’t talk to strangers, let along accept sweets etc. from strangers, it’s now acceptable – but only for one night (and the following weekend, of course) – to go knocking on doors and – um – accept sweets from strangers.
What could possibly go wrong?
I feel the same about Santa in the Festering Season – again, don’t talk to strangers, but oh, it’s ok this time because you’re talking to Santa and accepting presents. Hey, good move.
In short, ’tis the season to introduce your children to hypocrisy and double-standards. Enjoy.
30 Things
Posted: Mon 20 August, 2012 Filed under: Bankruptcy, Change, Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, People, Thoughts 4 Comments »via Blue Witch , I came across Black Dog Tribe‘s “30 things to stop doing to yourself“. It’s a great list – I think probably most people don’t do all of them, but most do some of them, at least.
I’ve copied it here for posterity, and so I can come back to it when I want/need to. It’s particularly relevant for me at the moment, with all the other stuff that’s going on, so I hope it helps others too.
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living — to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen — in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: ‘What’s something I have that everyone wants?’
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, ‘What you did to me is okay’. It is saying, ‘I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.’ Forgiveness is the answer- let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either — cry if you need to — it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility — you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: ‘Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?’ If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Enjoy.
Naming
Posted: Mon 16 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, People Leave a comment »Yesterday, I witnessed one of the funniest conversations I’ve ever heard…
I went down to the village shop, and while waiting in line at the till, the guy in front was getting served. The guy behind the till was doing all the talking
“Hi Paul, what can I get you?”
“The blue ones down on the left Paul, yeah?”
“Thanks, Paul, that’ll be [Whatever the amount was]”
By this time, even I was thinking “Yeah, OK, pal, you know the guy’s name. Fuck sake”
Guy hands over the money
“Thanks Paul, see you again soon”
“It’s Dave.”
I just about killed myself with laughter.
Olympic Links
Posted: Sat 14 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, London Olympics, People, Thoughts 5 Comments »Lord, this is becoming a theme, isn’t it?
Another item in the long list of stupid bullshit that the organisers of the London 2012 Olympics are doing.
In this case, it’s an example of how draconian organisations really don’t understand complex concepts like Freedom of Speech, or t’Internet.
In London2012’s Terms of Use for the website, it says this…
5.a. Links to the Site. You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner. The use of our logo or any other Olympic or London 2012 Mark(s) as a link to the Site is not permitted. View our guidelines on Use of the Games’ Marks.
(Bold emphasis is my own).
Yep, that’s right. You can’t link to the London 2012 Olympics website if you’re going to say nasty things about them.
Which is pretty fucking ridiculous, when you think about it.
Indeed, the links in this post almost certainly break those Terms. Ah well. Luckily the European Human Rights Act still allows me to say that in my opinion this kind of policy from the London Olympics is draconian bullshit.
Communal Spirt – Or Lack Thereof
Posted: Wed 4 July, 2012 Filed under: Domestic, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »Where I live now, the arrangements for the bins are a bit awkward. (You can tell this post’s going to be interesting, can’t you?) Basically, it’s a row of terraced houses- almost like a throwback to Manchester days – with an alleyway at the back connecting them all. The bins are stored in a communal hidey-hole roughly mid-way down the terrace. I’m at one end of the row, the street-access is at the other end.
However, it seems like no-one actually puts those bins out. The bin collection men certainly do fuck-all with them – I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by that, anyway. But equally, no-one from the row of houses does anything with them – rubbish goes in, but the bins don’t go out.
So at the moment I seem to have taken on the role, making sure they go out in time, the right bins on the right day, and all that crap. I don’t actually mind, it’s just one of those things, but it does sort of annoy me that (as with many things) there seems to be this perception of always “Oh, someone else will do it”.
In this case, they will. It’s probably a selfish thing, just making sure that my rubbish gets dealt with in a timely and non-stinky manner, as I’ve no intention of having to deal with vermin issues and the like. But I do think it’s sad that communal bins aren’t dealt with in a communal way.
Maybe I’m just more idealistic than I’d thought.
Removing Bridges
Posted: Mon 2 July, 2012 Filed under: Change, Commuting, Driving, People 2 Comments »Over the weekend, the M1 near me (well, my entire commuting route) was closed to facilitate the removal of a bridge that is now un-used. It’s all part of the works on that stretch of the M1, and I’ve been watching as it all changes. Luckily I wasn’t going on that road over the weekend, or the detour would’ve been impressive.
The new bridge opened in May, and the last month has been spent removing all the sliproads to the old bridge, leaving it all isolated. By Friday they’d got rid of everything except the span of the bridge crossing the M1. And this morning, it’s completely gone, including the centre stanchions, and the massive block they stood on. It’s actually pretty impressive, seeing the speed it must have been demolished and removed.
Indeed, if you went past it for the first time today, you’d never really know there’d been a bridge there at all. There are no indicators of its existence at all.
Personally, I think the new junction is currently quite dangerous, although I think that’s also heavily related to the fact that people driving to the 50mph average speed limit turn into complete fuckwits. We’ll see how it works out as time goes on, the roadworks are removed, and normality fights to re-assert itself again.
Reverse Parking
Posted: Sat 23 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Parking, People, Shopping, Thoughts 2 Comments »When visiting the local supermarket – I’m not going to specify, because this set of thoughts are location-independent, having seen the same thing at at least six places – I’m always bemused by a certain parking style.
No, this isn’t YPLAC (You Park Like A Cunt) – for once – but it’s something just as bizarre. And I’m going to phrase it as a question
If they’re going to a supermarket, and doing their weekly/monthly big shop, why the FUCK do these people reverse into parking spaces ? I always see at least one per visit where they’re then faced with real issues when it comes to putting that shopping into the boot of the car.
I just don’t understand the logic – or maybe the lack thereof – that goes into this. I do get that some people don’t like reversing out of a space, although I’ve no idea why. Personally, I think reversing in to a space is far more prone to being visited by the Fuck-Up Fairy, but there we go. Still, personal choice, and all that shite.
But for loading shopping into a car, it seems like it just makes things so much harder when you’ve reversed into the space, rather than going in forwards, and leaving the boot of the car out in the open, so you can just lift’n’load.
People are, to be sure, weird.
Food Origins
Posted: Fri 15 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Education, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’ve known for a while about how some people don’t know where their food comes from – but even so, this particular story is pretty shocking.
Basically, in a poll of 2000 people by LEAF “Linking Environment and Farming” – although I can’t currently find mention of this poll on their site – 33% of young adults aged between 16 and 23 were unaware of where eggs come from – and 11% answered that eggs are produced from wheat or maize.
Additionally, 36% of the same age group failed to answer that bacon comes from pigs, while 40% did not know that cows produce milk.
Now it might be that one third of the sample were thick as mince, but all the same, it’s pretty scary.
Mind you, I’ve also known of people who
- when asked where chicken/beef/pork come from, answer “Tesco”
- didn’t know that chicken (the meat) comes from chicken (the bird) – I’ve seen that one myself
So I’m not too surprised, but all the same, it’s pretty depressing. My parents always taught my brother and I where food came from – to the extent that my brother used to refer to animals by the condiments that went with them : Cows = Horseradish. Lamb = Mint Sauce. Pigs = Apple Sauce.
Mind you, still no-one really knows what meat goes into kebabs, or just where on a chicken creates McNuggets…
Unrewarded Idiocy
Posted: Tue 13 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Driving, People, Stupidity 4 Comments »On my commute this morning I saw one of the more incredible things of late.
In the outside lane of the M1, two drivers had managed to have a small collision in the traffic. Nothing major, from the look of it, a few scratches, maybe a resprayed bumper or somesuch. But there was nothing major – no broken bodywork, no wheels askew, or anything like that.
The drivers had stopped to exchange details, as one should in an accident.
In the outside lane of the M1. As one shouldn’t, in an accident or at any other time.
Some people are just too stupid to deserve to live.
Celebrity Sharktank
Posted: Thu 8 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, MOTB, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »Over on Twitter today, I was having a conversation with a couple of friends, and an idea came to. It would never be made – but we can dream…
The idea, as the title of this post suggests, would be Celebrity Sharktank. (Or Celebrities Swimming with Sharks – either way)
The premise – and this is the good bit – is to take ten ‘celebrities’, and let them go swimming with a whole swarm of sharks. Great Whites, Makos, Hammerheads, all the good ones. Throw in a bit of chum (bloody meat/fish, if you didn’t know) and you’ve got a TV programme to be proud of.
The ‘Winner’ of the programme would be the last one alive. Of course, if the recovery crew were really slow at getting to the ‘Winner’, would anyone care?
In my mind, the contestants for the first episode would be :
- The Kardashian sisters
- Jedward
- Simon Cowell
- the cast of TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) and
- the cast of Jersey Shore
The first episode would be called “Feeding Frenzy” in honour of there being rather more victims (sorry, contestants) than usual. I suspect Cowell would “Win”, but only because there’s a limit to the shit that even a shark can eat.
I suppose the only downside of this would be the potential for complaints about cruelty to animals…
Hidden Messages
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Depression, Domestic, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Recently I’ve noticed a similar ‘message’ in at least two songs on Radio 1‘s current playlist. I know, I’m way outside the target demographic for R1, and blah blah, but I just can’t bring myself to switch to either Radio 2, or some godawful commercial hunk of crap.
Anyway.
First is Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games”…
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Second is Nervo’s “We’re all no-one”
We’re all no one ’til someone thinks that we’re someone
‘Til then we’re no one
Notice the similarity?
In both cases, supposedly there’s nothing good in the world, unless we’re with someone else.
And that really pisses me off.
Intrusive
Posted: Wed 29 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, People, Sweary, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’d forgotten about this ’til now, but it annoyed me at the time.
Over the weekend, I went in to the local Asda store.Along with some other things, I bought some Diet Coke in 500ml bottles. I prefer them that way for drinking in the car, or whatever.
Anyway, I got to the till, and put them on the conveyor belt thingy. At which point the woman stood behind me pointed at them and said “Osteoporosis”.
*shrug* OK, weird. I know, but frankly what business is it of yours, lady?
Obviously she hadn’t stuck her nose in enough yet…
“That’s really bad for you, you know”
“Yep, I know. Mind you, I’ve always said that it’s either Diet Coke, or I can take up heroin instead.”
Her daughter laughed out loud.
“And I can’t imagine all that chocolate and sweetener you’re buying is going to do you any good.”
Silence.
But really, how fucking rude do you have to be, to shove your (unwanted) opinion in someone else’s face in the middle of a supermarket?
Advertising Excellence
Posted: Wed 29 February, 2012 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, People, Sweary Leave a comment »Apparently, the ASA has told Sofa King to stop using this advert because of its rude phrasing…
Advert for Sofa King
I can’t understand what their problem is…
Marketing, Data, and Predictions
Posted: Fri 17 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Business, Cynicism, Marketing, People, Shopping 4 Comments »Over at Forbes.com, there’s a really interesting article about how companies can make predictions about your life and life-events, based purely on your buying habits.
In this case, the US store Target did analysis on its customers who signed up for their ‘pregnancy club’, and then data-mined their buying habits in the run-up to the birth. Of course, you need something to identify these people by – that’s what ‘loyalty’ cards are for. (Tesco’s Clubcard, Sainsbury’s’ Nectar etc. etc)
And of course it turns out that they could then send out marketing to those people – in one case, knowing a girl was pregnant before her own father did.
It’s always worth remembering, stores don’t give you loyalty cards and ‘rewards’ for nothing. They own all the data about you that the cards give – what you’re buying, why, when, where etc. – and they’re using that for their own profitability.
As David Mitchell said, (and I think I’ve posted it here before) :
When you’re getting something free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product.
Updated : A quick add – this was also something written about in the New York Times Magazine article ‘How Companies Learn Your Secrets‘
CEOP
Posted: Tue 7 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Geeky, People, Stupidity, Technology Leave a comment »And on the subject of CEOP, which is (apparently) part of the UK Police, wouldn’t you have thought they could’ve made the acronym into eCOP instead?
As an example, they probably could have called it ‘Exploited Children’s Online Protection’. Or something.
Mind you, it just goes to show how little thought went into CEOP in the first place, doesn’t it?
Ian Corbett and Toyota Ireland – Retraction Of Comments
Posted: Thu 8 September, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, D4D™, People, Stupidity, Sweary, Toyota IE 7 Comments »Following a request from his legal advisers, I am retracting these comments forthwith, and have deleted the original post(s) to reflect this. I apologise for any harm caused.
(This retraction has been approved by Gore Grimes Solicitors. My personal view hasn’t changed, but legal stuff prevails over personal opinion, it seems. Maybe next time he’ll remember about BCC, and privacy concerns resulting therefrom)
Late to the Story
Posted: Thu 4 August, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »I see today in the news that Heather Mills is complaining today that her phone was hacked by the Mirror Group of newspapers 8 years ago. Yep – 8 years ago.
Is it only me who thinks that this might – just maybe – be a bit of a bandwagon jump? Phone hacking has been in the media for most of this year, and even more so over the last month. And it’s only now that Mills (and several others) jump into the ring too. Very odd.
Shock, Horror
Posted: Wed 6 April, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, Pedantry, People, Thoughts 3 Comments »At least two different media sites are today carrying the story about the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) telling clothing company Jack Wills (ever heard of them? I hadn’t) to not continue publishing their current catalogue until certain images are changed.
The story’s on the BBC here – and on the scumrag Daily Mail here.
Only one of the two stories manages to also show the image in it’s full “offensive” version. Guess which one?
Yep, you got it – good old Daily Fail, making sure its readers know precisely what they should be offended by.
[Oh, and if you do want to know what the image is, look below the ‘More’ link]
Juxtaposition
Posted: Wed 23 February, 2011 Filed under: Cynicism, Daily Mail, Media, News, People, Stupidity Leave a comment »Yet another from the Daily Fail…
Organic vs. normal
Yep, in story one organic vegetables “aren’t as good for your health”, yet in story two “pesticides on fruit and veg interfere with male fertility”.
You’ve got to have some kind of admiration – and not necessarily positive admiration – for a ‘newspaper’ that can have two opposing viewpoints in two stories right next to each other.
It’s Just a Job
Posted: Sun 20 February, 2011 Filed under: Design, Domestic, People, Thoughts, Work-related Leave a comment »Via the Koriblr tumblr feed…
It's just a job - attributed to Muhammad Ali
Definitely something to remember when the workplace gets skanky
Yes / No
Posted: Mon 7 February, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Agency Idiocy, Business, Cynicism, Design, Geeky, People, Stupidity, Work-related Leave a comment »Via the linguistic/literacy genius known as Sevitz (or Svetzi) comes this gem…
Oh. My. God.
I’ve worked with some spectacular options for Yes/No, but this one is way up there.
Raise the Double Standard
Posted: Thu 3 February, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Hypocrisy, News, People 3 Comments »You’ve got to love the Daily Mail, haven’t you? Much as it’s a bigoted vicious racist hate-mongering shit-rag, it’s also the most hypocritical, two-faced piece of crap outside of politics.
And then they do double standards as portrayed here…
Two stories in the same day, both about Kelly Osborne
Ho Effing Ho
Posted: Thu 16 December, 2010 Filed under: Art, Charm School, Festering Season, People, Shopping, Sweary 3 Comments »
Nice to see that someone else feels roughly the same way about the Festering Season as I do…
In this case,
a ‘disgruntled employee’ of Harrods disabled the correct lights until he could spell out his feelings to Harrods bosses and Christmas shoppers alike. He was removed by security guards after an hour-long stand-off, then handed over to police.
It could be is photoshopped, I don’t know. But it is excellent. (Updated : The story is originally from The Poke, a spoof news site. The original photo pre-photoshop is visible here.)
FO at Christmas
Which Deal ?
Posted: Fri 10 December, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, People, Shopping, Thoughts 7 Comments »Being a tad addicted (still) to that Tropicana Orange and Lime juice at the moment, I’m aware of which supermarkets have it on special offer at the moment. It’s odd, it always seems to be on some kind of “deal”.
Anyway, at the moment
- Supermarket One has it at 2 for £3
- Supermarket Two has it on 3 for £5.
I found it interesting, because Supermarket Two’s offer instinctively looks like a better deal. And I don’t know why.
Logically, Supermarket One is actually the better deal. But I had to think about it to be sure.
What do you think? Which one looks the better offer? (I know which one is the better one, obviously – I’m interested in perceptions rather than fact)
Detection, not Prevention
Posted: Thu 9 December, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, People, Technology, Thoughts 1 Comment »In Birmingham, the police are installing microphones/sensors to detect the sound of gunshots. It’s being marketed as a way of reducing/preventing gun crime. And I don’t quite get that.
As an overview in the BBC story says,
West Midlands Police seem sure this initiative will help cut gun crime and give officers more confidence heading into unpredictable situations.
Despite this being a pilot there is a belief that if successful this will be rolled out to other UK cities.
But it’s not going to cut gun crime.
These sensors work on the sound of a gunshot. So they’re maybe – maybe – going to detect that a gun’s been fired, and roughly where. (A 25m (80-odd feet) radius in a city is a pretty big location) But the gun’s got to be fired before it can be detected. It has issues (obviously) detecting gunshots from inside a building, or where a silencer is used.
And the detection method? Again from the BBC story,
The £150,000 system records an audio clip and sends police a GPS location.
A police officer trained to listen to the clips then makes a judgement on what they have heard before deploying officers.
So the sound has to be detected/recorded, then sent to the control room, then listened to by a trained officer, then the police get deployed.
Not really preventative at all then, is it?
David Attenborough on God
Posted: Wed 24 November, 2010 Filed under: Animals, Cynicism, Media, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »David Attenborough…
David Attenborough
I often get letters, quite frequently, from people who say how they like the programmes a lot, but I never give credit to the almighty power that created nature. To which I reply and say “Well it’s funny that the people, when they say that this is the evidence of the Almighty, always quote beautiful things. They always quote orchids and hummingbirds and butterflies and roses”.
But I always have to think too of a little boy sitting on the banks of a rier in west Africa, who has a worm boring through his eyeball, turning him blind before he’s five years old. And I reply and say “Well presumably the God you speak about created the worm as well”.
And now I find that baffling, to credit a merciful God with that action. And therefore it seems to me safer to show things that I know to be truth, truthful and factual, and allow people to make up their own minds about the moralities of this thing, or indeed the theology of this thing.
Honest Intent
Posted: Fri 5 November, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, People, Politics, Security, Thoughts Leave a comment »On this particular day, remember that Guy Fawkes is still the last person to enter the Houses of Parliament with honest intentions.
The Gunpowder Plot is a healthy reminder that terrorism really is nothing new. Mind you, if the risk of terrorism now were to involve being hung, drawn and quartered, I wonder how many would still think it such a cool thing ?
39
Posted: Fri 5 November, 2010 Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, Driving, People, Photography, Travel Leave a comment »Today, I is 39.
Today, I is travelling down to Bristol to be at Pixeldiva‘s wedding. A camera will be in attendance too.
Today is a good day.
Zombie Stormtrooper
Posted: Thu 4 November, 2010 Filed under: Art, Geeky, People Leave a comment »via Back to Dreams comes this excellent image…
Nothing disturbing at all, honest.
Yep, Zombie Stormtroopers. How cool is that? What a fantastic idea.
Mis-Spelling
Posted: Wed 3 November, 2010 Filed under: People, Stupidity 1 Comment »On Ugly Tattoos, I spotted this the other day…
It's not spelt like that...
How to spot an idiot…
Firefight
Posted: Tue 26 October, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, People 1 Comment »Apparently, London Fire Brigade are in the middle of a dispute about the scrapping of current rota systems, and plan to strike in protest. For 48 hours starting on the 5th November – pretty much their busiest day of the year. Way to go.
Even more impressive, Diwali this year also falls on November 5th, so that’s going to concentrate the fireworks and so on into one weekend. And the firemen will be on strike.
Genius.
Breaking Point
Posted: Sun 24 October, 2010 Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Introspective, Norfolk, People, Thoughts 14 Comments »Roughly this time last month, life came to a bit of a crunch point. I haven’t written much about it so far – and won’t write much more about it after this – but a number of things bubbled up at the same time, and I feel it’s worth adding in some thoughts with a bit of hindsight etc. I’m not going to be going into the whys and wherefores of any of it.
Basically, I had a bit of a breakdown. Going home on the Thursday night plunged me into a huge dollop of depression, which isn’t exactly great at the best of times. I thought I could get over it, that it was a “bad day” thing, but the next day was actually worse, to the extent that I simply couldn’t face going home for the weekend. It was a real physical reaction, that I just couldn’t do it. So instead I went away for the weekend- went back to the house, sorted things there, got some clothes, and left again. I didn’t even wait for Herself to come home- I sent her a text message to let her know what I was doing.
I’m not proud of myself for that, not even slightly. It was completely unfair, unreasonable, and downright shitty. There are no excuses, no glossing over it – it was an utterly unutterably crappy thing to do to anyone, let alone a partner of five years, a friend of twenty years.
What it was, though, was a way to survive. If I’d stayed there for the weekend, I don’t honestly know what would’ve happened, or where I’d have ended up. Some people have called what I did cowardly – and fair enough, maybe it was. I can’t say I was honestly in my right mind. But at that point, where you physically and mentally can’t face going back somewhere, I don’t think “being in one’s right mind” is ever going to happen.
Again, I’m not proud of what I did. It had to happen, but I should’ve/could’ve done it one hell of a lot better.
So a lot’s changed since then, and I’m working on all the necessary changes. I don’t know how they’ll work out, I don’t know how any of it will work out. But I’m not going to put myself in that situation again if I can possibly help it.
[Comments on this post are now closed]
Water Balloons
Posted: Fri 22 October, 2010 Filed under: News, People, Photography Leave a comment »From NPR, I love this set of shots of water balloons without the balloons…
Splash (C) Edward Horsford
From the article :
Edward Horsford‘s high-speed photography freezes the spherical innards of water balloons — just as the balloon skins break open, and just before they splash to the floor. He works at night in his garden in London, using flashes to light the action.
Very, very cool.
Visibility
Posted: Fri 24 September, 2010 Filed under: Advertising, People, Weirdness 1 Comment »One of the more bizarre sights at AdTech this year was this…
Yellow Camouflage, Yellow Shirt, Yellow DM Boots
Very, very yellow – and very odd.
But what is the point of camouflage trousers in bright yellow? The mind boggles – I want to be concealed, fit in with the forest, but also bright yellow. Maybe it’s for hiding in fields of oil-seed rape.
Night Driving
Posted: Tue 21 September, 2010 Filed under: Driving, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »There’s a story on the BBC today about whether it would be better for new drivers to not be allowed to drive at night for a defined period once they’ve first passed their tests.
In some ways I do think this is a good idea – I’ve said before that I like the Australian method, with limitations on night driving, no alcohol level allowed at all, and a limitation on number of similar-aged people in the same car.
However, as the story says, it would also be a nightmare to administrate and enforce.
So perhaps a better idea would be to simply insist that the learner undergoes a certain number of lessons at night, and thus gets used to night-driving in as controlled a way as possible?
WTF
Posted: Fri 17 September, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Stupidity, Sweary Leave a comment »Every so often a story in the news just makes me say “What. The. Fuck?” – this one is one of those stories.
Children at a school near Selby have had a play break cancelled and hard ball games banned after neighbours complained to the council about noise.
Barlby Community Primary School has also put up a soundproof fence because it fears a noise abatement order.
So people who live near a school – and one assumes, have either a) lived there for a while, or b) moved in thinking it would be nice and quiet (because they’re shit-for-brains morons) – complain that the school is noisy at play time.
You really have to wonder sometimes. In the town where I grew up, a housing estate was built that backed on to the local sewage farm. People who moved into those houses complained about the smell, and tried to get the (pre-existing) sewage farm shut down. When I was in Manchester people who moved in to one part of the city centre complained about the noise from the bars, and tried to get them shut down.
If you’re that fucking stupid that you move near a school, or a bar, or a sewage farm, and only then complain that there’s a problem, then you don’t deserve to be allowed to complain. Live with it, and shut the fuck up. You moron.
Shit for Brains
Posted: Fri 20 August, 2010 Filed under: Cynicism, News, Offensive Repetition, People, Sweary, Thoughts 1 Comment »I love the story on the BBC this week about a council who’ve used the word “shit” in their adverts about dog-fouling. (even though it’s starred out to “S**T”) Supposedly a number of people have complained about the word “S**T” appearing in print. Which strikes me as pretty Mary Whitehouse at the best of times.
Way back when I was working with the council in Oldham, this was something that we discussed heavily. One of my projects there was working on a lexicon of expressions that people actually used, and then translating them into council-ese. For example “roadworks” becomes “Highways maintenance”, “bins” becomes “refuse collection” and the like. I always said – and could prove with the search logs (pardon the pun) – that “dog shit” was the most common search-term when people were looking for information about dog-fouling, reporting issues with dog-shit etc. But the powers-that-be in the council at the time were very sure – despite all the evidence to the contrary – that having “shit” in the lexicon was A Bad Thing, and would lead to Bad Press – another Very Bad Thing. Considering that most people at the time used the word “Shit” as pretty much synonymous with that council in general anyway, I always figured they were on a hiding to nothing on that one.
Personally I could never figure out why people thought – and obviously still do think – that councils can’t use words like shit, when they’re the ones that most (if not all) of their constituents/inhabitants use.
*sigh* People are strange.
Road Maintenance and Sarcasm
Posted: Mon 16 August, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Norfolk, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Over the weekend, one of the significant crossroads near us was completely closed for re-surfacing. The problem was that at least one route to get to that crossroads didn’t have any mention of said road closure.
Which means I get to send sarcastic emails to Norfolk County Council. (Again)
To whom it may concern,
I’d just like to congratulate the person(s) involved in sorting out signage for the road closure in Hingham this weekend.
If (as many people did) you took the road from Little Ellingham towards Hingham using Hingham Road->Little Ellingham Road -> Attleborough Road to the crossroads in Hingham, there was not *ONE* sign saying that the road ahead was closed. The signage was in fact before this junction (at roughly the spot of the red circle in this map)
This meant that anyone coming through on the route from Little Ellingham came round the corner to find the entire road closed off, and then had to turn round and go back. This also had the effect of stuffing a significant amount of the newly resurfaced road before the junction.
Of course, the road from Little Ellingham isn’t that heavily used. Except when Little Ellingham has its Vintage Working Weekend event- yes, the weekend just passed.
I look forward to any response Norfolk Council deigns to give in explanation of why there was no thought given to this route, or signage on it.
Sincerely
Lyle
I know it’ll do bugger-all good, but I felt better having written it. And that’s what matters.
Rural Weekend
Posted: Sat 14 August, 2010 Filed under: Norfolk, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »This weekend the village down the road has their annual “vintage working weekend” event. It’s a bizarre thing – not quite a steam rally, not quite anything particular – but means that our road is pretty much constantly thronged by tractors running up and down.
Right now though there’s a parade of tractors going past the front of the house, some with passengers on trailers, most just being driven along as part of the parade. Completely mad.
So far there’s been about forty of the damn things…
Facebook Users
Posted: Thu 29 July, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Technology, Thoughts 2 Comments »Radio One’s headline on this was “Facebook users details are available online” – which elicited a “Well, duh!” response from me. They’ve always been available online – at Facebook. All of the information held in this file was already available at Facebook – it’s just it would’ve taken a bit more effort to get it all.
Every one of the people listed in the file hadn’t set their privacy settings properly. That’s more of an indictment about either
- how complex Facebook made their privacy settings
- how stupid / lazy people are when it comes to those settings
- how people really don’t think about their privacy and security at all
And that’s it.
If you can’t be bothered to check your privacy settings, you deserve to have your details published. After all, if one person can do it, so can others.
Speed Cameras
Posted: Wed 28 July, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Driving, People, Politics, Thoughts 2 Comments »It’s currently looking like one of the victims of this new political Age of Austerity (AKA The”Can we cut it? Yes, we can!” years) will be the funding for speed-cameras. Sorry, ‘safety cameras’.
So far Oxfordshire is one of the first to say they’ll be turning the fixed cameras off, which will save them some £600,000 a year.
I have to say that I really don’t have an issue with this – I think that getting rid of the cameras will (in most cases) actually make the roads a bit safer. Yes, there are rat-runs where people are stupid and drive too fast – but in my experience, speed cameras cause far more dangerous driving than they prevent.
One prime example of this is the A11/A14 around Cambridge (and I think I’ve written about this before) – the intersection where they join has a speed camera just after it. I’ve seen far too many near-accidents at that point, where people have been feeding in just fine from the A11 at 70mph(ish) and then have to slap the brakes on because the people in front of them have dropped from 70mph to 50mph to get past the camera. Yes, it’s down to human stupidity to drop to 50mph – 70mph is fine for going past that particular camera – but it’s still a much more dangerous junction because of the speed camera.
You see the same thing all over the place – people suddenly slowing from an already-legal speed, just to “make sure” they don’t get done by the camera.
So yeah, I think that getting rid of the cameras might just be an improvement to road safety in general, rather than a detriment to it.
Public vs Private
Posted: Fri 23 July, 2010 Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Driving, Norfolk, People, Thoughts, Travel 1 Comment »In my post about the mileage I’ve covered this month, Gordon pointed out
I use this invention called ‘the train’. Saves adding miles and miles to your car (cost).
And that’s a perfectly valid point. If I could, I’d use public transport – and particularly trains – a lot more. But there are some reasons why this month I couldn’t/didn’t/wouldn’t.
Among those reasons are :
- Hound
- Cost
- Convenience
- Time
- Practicality
Let’s look at just one of the journeys I did – taking Hound down to Berkshire – Wokingham, to be more precise – and compare driving to trains.
- Hound : There’s no way Hound could go on public transport without being muzzled. In the temperatures that were around when we did the journey, that’s just not going to happen – she’d be unable to pant properly or anything. She’d also be a complete pain in the arse – not just to me, but to everyone around – for the entire journey. And taking Hound through the London Underground while changing stations? You’re having a fucking laugh. In the car, she just slept in her basket, cool in the car’s air-con atmosphere.
- Cost : The cheapest I could do the journey, for a return ticket is (at the time of writing) £48.40. That’s not including getting to the station nearest home, or the cost of getting from station to kennels at the other end. (And back again) The 300 mile round trip in the car cost me about £30 – £35 (I can’t remember exactly) all in, door-to-door.
- Convenience : Again, door-to-door vs. all the fucking about of train travel, getting to station, travelling, three changes, getting from station to kennels, and back again. All while carrying dog stuff, my stuff, and the dog basket. Yeah.
- Time : Just for the train journey is four and a half hours. One way. Driving? Three hours one way. Door-to-door.
- Practicality : I’ll let you figure out which one’s best on this score. And we haven’t even touched on delays, travelling with other people, the ability to have peace and quiet while travelling, so on and so forth.
The trip to Manchester(ish) is an even better example, even if Hound’s not a factor…
- Hound : N/A
- Cost : Train (return ticket) £80.80 – best I can find. Car : £40 fuel.
- Convenience : Train ? Office to Bury St Edmunds Station. Three changes. Manchester to Oldham. Oldham to [Village]. Car? Door to Door.
- Time : Train (again, train only, one-way, not including sodding about) five hours. Car? 3 hours.
- Practicality : Car wins. Again. And I don’t need to fix everything around when the trains run.
I would use public transport more. But when you look at the factors in this way, you can see why I don’t…
New Scam/Phishing Email
Posted: Thu 22 July, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Geeky, People, Security, Stupidity Leave a comment »Yesterday I noticed a new spam / scam / phishing email that seems to have appeared.
It purports to come from Amazon, and tells you that your order has been despatched, along with some links that are clickable. The links actually go off to a russian site, but I’ve no idea what that does, and have no intention of finding out.
The biggest clue that it’s a spam/scam are
- the prices are all in dollars (which is a bit of a giveaway for us in the UK)
- you haven’t ordered anything from Amazon
- it’s got a link to “see the ordered items”, rather than just listing them in the mail
- the email address it’s been sent to isn’t the one you’ve got listed with Amazon
But all told it’s one of the better spam/scam/phishing-type emails of the moment. Best to publicise it and be aware of it.
Superstitious
Posted: Tue 29 June, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, People Leave a comment »In the runup to the (as it turned out) last England match of the World Cup, one thing that amused me was Radio 1’s coverage about the superstitions of England Fans.
The number of idiots people who were saying about “Well I wore these clothes when they won, so I’ll wear them again” and so on was just hilarious.
I don’t honestly get the entire reasoning (if there’s any reasoning at all) behind this kind of thing, the apparent conviction that the team will succeed if the fans do all their little rituals. Maybe it’s just something about feeling a part of the entire process. I don’t know.
But to cynical old me, well, it made me laugh.
Giving Details
Posted: Sat 19 June, 2010 Filed under: Domestic, Norfolk, People, The '10 Writing Project, Thoughts, Writing 4 Comments »A while back I wrote about Emma Ward, who’s been missing from the next village for about two months now. The police have now charged her husband (ex-husband? Widower? What’s the term for someone who’s suspected of killing their wife?) with murder, even though as yet they haven’t found her body. I guess there’s enough other evidence for them to know it’s been done, just not where she’s been disposed of.
Anyway, the police are now doing door-to-doors for “correlation”, just to find out if anything else has been seen, who’s visited the house, who knows the Wards etc. etc. We got visited yesterday as part of this, and had (well, we probably could’ve refused, but it would’ve looked even dodgier) to give all our information.
In a way it’s quite interesting really – the sheer amount of information that they take, and particularly information about us. Supposedly it’s all locked into a database just for this case (and when was the last time you trusted anyone who says “Oh, the information’s only accessible to this investigation”?) and is ‘only’ used for correlation – for example if other people said they’d seen someone approximating my description walking past while another suspicious vehicle was toodling along, they’d be able to come back and ask me more about that particular time/incident.
It’s all done through HOLMES (or more technically HOLMES II) which is apparently a very good bit of database and data-mining kit.
I don’t know if anything will come of it all – I doubt we ever will, unless they find Emma Ward’s body – but it’s been an interesting insight into the entire “murder investigation” thing.
Village Life
Posted: Sat 29 May, 2010 Filed under: Domestic, News, Norfolk, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »This week has been fairly eventful in the life of one of the nearby villages.
On Tuesday Norfolk police arrested a man about the suspicious disappearance of his wife, Emma Ward, who hasn’t been seen since the start of April. Since then the house has been taped off, and there’s always a police person sat outside it in a car. He’s been released on bail for the moment, but it’s all a bit “wait and see if she appears”. Her friends have put up a Facebook group, and it’s had coverage in the local media too.
It’s strange really – I walk past their house every day with Hound, and you realise afterwards that you haven’t seen two cars there for a while, but you don’t really think about it ’til something like this occurs. I do keep an eye open as I walk round, but still you don’t think about that kind of thing. I wouldn’t know either of them in the street – while I know some of the people in the village,and others as I walk round, I couldn’t put names to most of them, and I certainly don’t know their life histories. Maybe I should- personally I don’t think so, but there we go- but I don’t.
I’m not one of these “Oh, it’s so shocking that it happens near where we live” merchants – this kind of thing goes on wherever you live. It’s just it’s not the first thing in your head – “Oh, the car hasn’t been there. I wonder what’s happened to the owner”.
Of course I’ve mentioned it to the plod sat outside, that one car’s not been there for a while. In a fit of community spirit I even remembered that Google StreetMap had gone through the village a while back, and was able to give them a printout of the StreetMap photo of the house with the now-missing car in the driveway. (No numberplate, but it gives them a colour, make and model to work from) I’m sure they knew already, but well, I’d rather they got told thirty times than everyone assuming they’d got the information already.
My personal suspicion is that she’s dead. If she’d just disappeared then you’d think the husband would be the first person to report it, and to take far less than six weeks to do so. Not reporting her missing just makes you look so suspicious anyway, but the entire thing just strikes me as strange.
Ah, the intrigues of village life.
Wakefield Struck Off
Posted: Mon 24 May, 2010 Filed under: Health, News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Today the GMC has struck off Dr Andrew Wakefield, the doctor whose ‘research’ caused so much of the tension and bad press for the MMR (Measles, Mumps and Rubella) innoculation jabs, and a purported link to induce autism-related conditions.
The GMC also said Dr Wakefield, who was working at London’s Royal Free Hospital as a gastroenterologist at the time, did not have the ethical approval or relevant qualifications for such tests.
And the panel hearing the case took exception with the way he gathered blood samples. Dr Wakefield paid children £5 for the samples at his son’s birthday party.
It also said Dr Wakefield should have disclosed the fact that he had been paid to advise solicitors acting for parents who believed their children had been harmed by the MMR.
Quite amazing, how this doctor’s research was both so universally accepted as Truth, and was so flawed from the start. That research has caused so many knock-on effects with the increasing incidence of both Measles and Rubella in children whose parents decided not to innoculate them because of the supposed issues.
Parking – Again and Again
Posted: Sat 22 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Parking, People, Photography Leave a comment »Same day, same bit of the carpark. Possibly that was just the section for people who can’t park cars…
This isn't how it's supposed to be done
AP05HTG, you’re supposed to park in the bit between the lines, not on the bit with the lines through it. FFS.
Parking – Again
Posted: Sat 22 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Parking, People 2 Comments »Another trip to the supermarket, another bunch of twats that can’t park…
Maybe this one thinks the white lines either a) don’t apply to them or b) are just guidelines to be ignored at whim. Maybe that car is just too damn valuable to run the risk of getting it damaged by being too close to other vehicles.
Maybe they're a guideline
Or maybe – just maybe – the driver of YS05DBU is just a fuckwit cunt. Who knows?
Nearly Killing
Posted: Thu 20 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Today I nearly killed a child. That’s a pretty scary thing to have to write – and in this case there was nothing I could do about it, except avoid the situation.
On the way to work I popped in to the little supermarket to pick up a couple of things. No biggie. There’s a car-park right next to the shop for about six cars, and a bigger one on the other side of the (very minor) road, which is the one I use.
Coming back from the supermarket, there’s a family getting out of their car a couple along from me. There’s two adults and three kids, one of which gets put in a pushchair from the boot of the car. The mother (I assume) is managing the impressive task of talking on her mobile phone (which appears to be superglued between her ear and shoulder) while also talking to her partner, who’s getting back in the car.
To get out of the car park I have to reverse out and turn towards this group in order to get to the exit. You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yup, reversed out, keeping an eye on the two mobile kids. At no point did the mother even move from what she was already doing. No call to the kids to keep out the way, nothing.
It was as I was turning that I realised the kid in the pushchair was still behind the car – about three feet away from it, so pretty much slap bang in the middle of the carpark. Fortunately I was keeping an eye open, and missed everything by a good foot or two. Even then the mother didn’t move at all.
But – And there’s always those buts in hindsight, aren’t there – what if I’d done the turn closer to their car? What if there’d been cars parked on the other side, meaning I couldn’t roll back as far as I did? That pushchair was low enough that I couldn’t see it out of the rear-view mirror, couldn’t see it if I’d looked round and out the back window. It was only visible in the side mirrors as I came round.
If I’d been driving much faster, done the turn much tighter, or not been paying total attention, I’d have killed – or at least impacted with- a child today.
Malvern Spring Show
Posted: Thu 13 May, 2010 Filed under: Domestic, Green Garden, People, Travel Leave a comment »One of our main reasons for coming to Malvern this week on our break was to go to the Malvern Spring Show. My mum’s always recommended it as a good plant/flower/garden show, so we thought we’d give it a thrash.
We went to Chelsea show a couple of years back, and hated the number of people crammed in to too small a space, and being unable to see what we wanted without fighting our way through the people first. The show was OK, the size and people were awful.
By contrast, Malvern was a really pleasant experience. There were still lots of people, and plenty of shitheads with sodding tugalong trollies, but it didn’t feel crowded. In the indoor exhibitions there was plenty of space between stands, wider aisles, all told there was just space to spare. There was tons to see, lots of stands, exhibitions, products and the like, and it was a really good day.
We came out of it with plenty of ideas for the garden, shitloads of brochures and information, and sore feet from walking. We’ll be going back next year.
Extreme Skateboarding
Posted: Wed 12 May, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, People Leave a comment »I have to say, I love this…
Skateboarding down bobsleigh tracks. Insane, but fun.
Motherf…..
Posted: Sat 1 May, 2010 Filed under: Cynicism, People, Sweary Leave a comment »I love Tim Minchin – not all the time, but when he hits a target he really hits it.
Do NOT play the video if you’re offended by “Fuck”, or have serious positive views/beliefs about Catholicism, the Pope, and the entire Paedophile Priests thing.
Tim Minchin’s Pope Song
If not though, go for your life. You’ll need speakers on, but man is it worth it.
Craven
Posted: Fri 30 April, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, News, Offensive Repetition, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Much as I was disappointed by Frankie Boyle when he played the Cambridge Corn Exchange (and wouldn’t bother going to see him again anywhere) I do still like a lot of the things he says, does, and jokes about. (We’ll also get past that thing about the Down’s Syndrome jokes, which were stupid and based on attitudes from about twenty years ago)
I’ve also been impressed with his statement here about the apology issued “on his behalf” (and apparently without his knowledge) by the BBC in regard to jokes he made on a radio programme two years ago…
In case you missed it, the jokes in question are: ‘I’ve been studying Israeli Army Martial Arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well…that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew.’
I think the problem here is that the show’s producers will have thought that Israel, an aggressive, terrorist state with a nuclear arsenal was an appropriate target for satire. The Trust’s ruling is essentially a note from their line managers. It says that if you imagine that a state busily going about the destruction of an entire people is fair game, you are mistaken. Israel is out of bounds.
The BBC refused to broadcast a humanitarian appeal in 2009 to help residents of Gaza rebuild their homes. It’s tragic for such a great institution but it is now cravenly afraid of giving offence and vulnerable to any kind of well drilled lobbying.
The full statement (as per the above link) is available here
Fashion – in the loosest sense
Posted: Fri 9 April, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, People, Photography 3 Comments »Holy Jumping Jesus – sometimes I’m really glad I have no real interest in (or concept of) fashion.
Well, if this little lot are fashionable then I’m deeply glad I’m not.
Bunnies
Posted: Wed 7 April, 2010 Filed under: Creativity, People, Script Frenzy, Weirdness, Writing 1 Comment »Sometimes it’s really quite scary seeing just how disturbing some bunnysuits are.
Bizarrely, I was doing some research on a writing idea to get me to that site. That’s quite worrying in itself…
Roofwork
Posted: Sat 3 April, 2010 Filed under: Domestic, Norfolk, People, Thoughts 5 Comments »One thing I find weird living out here in Norfolk is the times people get work done.
All three winters we’ve been here, a noticable number of properties get their roofs redone. I’ve never quite understood that – surely it’s better to get the roof of your house redone in summer when the weather’s better, rather than in winter when it’s cold, wet, snowy and nasty?
The same seems to be true of chimney work – there have been several chimney-stacks this year with scaffolding around them, and again I’d probably rather work on them during summer when the fires aren’t lit and there’s no need for the extra heat.
Of course I realise I’m not at all practical and there’s probably some other very good reasons for roofing to be done in winter. I hope someone can explain it to me.
Ouch
Posted: Wed 31 March, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »Ouch. The mind boggles as to why you’d do this to yourself…
Just why?
Connections
Posted: Wed 3 March, 2010 Filed under: Cynicism, News, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Two stories in the same day… [UPDATED : OK, as Andy C points out in the comments, they weren’t on the same day, just one linked from the other, and I can’t read…]
Number One : Jon Venables, one of the two who killed James Bulger, is taken back to prison “for breaching the terms of his licence”. People are surprised, one quote being
“He could have been recalled on licence if he committed an offence, it could be that he returned to Merseyside, it could be he might have approached the family. There is no evidence so far that he did any of these things.”
Number Two : Denise Fergus, the mother of James Bulger, tells how she found Robert Thompson, the other one who killed James Bulger, and stood within twenty feet of him, although she couldn’t confront him.
Mrs Fergus said it was now her aim to find Venables and track him down in the same way.
I wonder if there’s a connection? Particularly if the News of the World is in on the act/witchhunt…
Bridge and Terry
Posted: Mon 1 March, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, News, People, Stupidity, Thoughts 2 Comments »Am I the only one that thinks both John Terry and Wayne Bridge need to grow the hell up?
To me – and I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a great team-player, and don’t give a tin shit about football in general – Bridge’s stepping down from the England team (and thus international football) is a self-destructive dummy-chuck of weapons-grade proportions.
And besides, why on earth does Bridge (and/or the media in general) think Bridge has got any fucking right whatsoever to throw a strop about who his ex-girlfriend decided to be with once they’d split up? Let alone do the full petted-lip and “taking my ball in” strop about it. In the same perspective, what right has Bridge got to throw a strop about who John Terry decides to shag?
I must have missed something relevant in this entire farce, because it seems to me that this is all the kind of thing that most people got over in secondary school.
Litrucy
Posted: Sat 27 February, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Education, Literacy, News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Via Margo and Phiala I came across this story about literacy in Americans, which says that in America someone reading 4-9 books a year is classified as an ‘avid’ reader, and that 1 in 4 [American] people read no books at all. As Margo says, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen similar figures for reading / book buying habits here, too although I can’t currently find a link or evidence of it.
As with Margo, I can’t really recall a time in my life that didn’t have books. My parents read stories to me every night, and that’s where I started learning to read, by learning the patterns the words made and linking them to the sounds they made as my parents read them. I was more than able to read by the time I started school, and I’ve been reading ever since.
I don’t have anywhere near as many books as I used to – if I’d kept all of them over the years, I could probably stock a decent-sized library. Even so, I’ve probably got around four to five hundred books all told, and they’re all the ones I’ll go back to and read more than once. Additionally I’m a regular visitor to the local library – on Herself’s persuasion, admitterdly – but normally get through about 10-20 books a month just through that. If I see books I want to read now – particularly new ones or new authors – I try to get them through the library rather than buying them outright as an experiment, which is what I used to do.
I can hardly even imagine only reading even 9 books a year. I mean really? One book every six weeks? Jesus.
Just as a current example, this week I’ve read (or am currently reading)
- Steel Beach by John Varley (in the car, reading at lunchtimes)
- The Shift by George Foy(also in the car, finished this week before starting Steel Beach)
- Dead and Gone by Andrew Vachss (at home, in the bedroom)
- Missing by Chris Mooney (also at home)
- Spider by Michael Morley (really really crap)
- The werewolf’s guide to life : a manual for the newly bitten by Duncan Ritch
- Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffmann (just about to start)
And that’s a quiet/slow week where I’ve been doing a ton of work as well. Even so, that puts me near the top end of the American average book level for the year within a week. I don’t honestly know how many books I read a year – on that level, it must be a couple of hundred per year.
But more to the point, if that’s my reading level, and the average number of books read per year in the UK is (hey, let’s be charitable) 20 then that still means there’s a whole bundle of people at the other end of the scale who are reading maybe one book a year, or less. And to me that’s really quite scary.
Blindsided
Posted: Mon 22 February, 2010 Filed under: Driving, People, Weather 2 Comments »This morning the weather while driving was truly fucking foul – icy, heavyish snowfall (heavy for the UK anyway) and a few dollops of fog to just top it off.
And yet still there was a significant percentage of drivers who didn’t have any lights on whatsoever. Well into double figures during my drive this morning. There were even more with only one working headlight, but at least they had one light working.
I simply don’t understand the logic that says “I don’t need to use lights”, although I suppose it’s something similar to the entire “Problem [x] will never happen to me”. I just think it’s another example of where people really should be done more regularly for driving without due care and attention.
Stinky
Posted: Fri 19 February, 2010 Filed under: News, People, Travel Leave a comment »How smelly do you reckon someone needs to be in order to get thrown off a flight?
“People were just mumbling and staring at him,” said a woman who sat near the man, according to The Guardian, a newspaper in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, where the flight originated on February 6. It was a very uncomfortable situation, she added.
Another passenger described the smell as “brutal.”
Pretty damn smelly, I’d suggest…
Tower Block of Commons
Posted: Mon 8 February, 2010 Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »I’ve been watching the new Channel 4 series “Tower Block of Commons“, where politicians leave their homes and move into council estates across the country, to see the reality of the resident’s lives.
It’s not bad, as these things go, although obviously there’s some aspects that are pretty “Made for TV”. Personally I think that MPs should live in among their constituents – not necessarily in council houses, but certainly in “standard” accommodation for each ward/district/whatever. After all, how can you represent the people of your district if you don’t know what their living standards are truly like?
I also find that the priorities of the families the politicians live with are fascinating – in some cases they’ve got no carpets, live on the absolute cheapest food and so on, but still have what looks to be Sky+ boxes and widescreen TVs. There’s also the families where they’ve got the kids and so on, living on benefits, but somehow still manage to get methadone and the like.
It’s interesting to watch, in a similar way to Secret Millionaire and other programmes of a similar ilk, but still leaves you with that “made for TV” cynicism…
Captaincy
Posted: Sun 7 February, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Media, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »So John Terry did end up getting sacked as captain of the England Football Team and replaced with Rio Ferdinand.
Purportedly the sacking is because of Terry’s shagging around with the ex-girlfriend of a team-mate, which somehow makes it impossible to be a captain, as it’s a bad influence on the players, and the perception of the England team. Or something.
And then you get to this part of the BBC story…
Ferdinand, 31, is currently serving a four-match ban for violent conduct after only just returning to action following a three-month lay-off because of a back injury.
So, replacing a “bad influence” with someone currently serving a four-match ban for violent conduct. And that is the message we want to send out to the impressionable people who follow football and (apparently) model themselves on the behaviour of footballers.
Shagging’s a terrible thing, but violence? Oh, that‘s OK.
I really don’t understand sport/media, obviously.
Visibility
Posted: Thu 14 January, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, People, Stupidity, Weather 1 Comment »Sometimes you just sit gobsmacked at the stupidity of people…
You might want to try scraping the snow off before leaving
Not seen by me, but instead featured on this story on Sky News (and other locations) with the photo provided by Devon police.
Apparently the person driving (an old woman) was told off, and given an ice scraper.
Not An Emergency
Posted: Wed 30 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, News, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »As always, I despair of people’s idiocy when it comes to calling 999. (And regular posts and Twitters from Reynolds reinforce this too)
In this case, a woman calling 999 because her cat has been playing with string for two hours. I have no idea whatsoever what makes this an emergency in anyone’s mind (or what passes for a mind in this case) but I do think that anyone who thinks it’s an emergency deserve a punishment served up by a stun-gun.
Parking
Posted: Tue 15 December, 2009 Filed under: People | Tags: Y209WGF 2 Comments »Turning into a bit of a theme, this.
Yep, right over two spaces
The excuse for this (I talked to the car-park attendant) was “I’ve got to have space to get out of my car”. The driver wasn’t disabled, didn’t have mobility issues, didn’t have any hindrance to being able to get in and out in a normal space.
Take Responsibility
Posted: Sun 13 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, News, People, Stupidity, Thoughts 2 Comments »Apparently, the EU is caling for a volume limit to be put on all MP3 players. A report last year warning that up to 10m people in the EU face permanent hearing loss from listening to loud music for prolonged periods.
Stories like this drive me mental. People need to take responsibility for their actions – not be told everything they can and can’t do. Fine, put a warning on the boxes (or even on the display when the volume goes past a certain level, as my Sony MP3 player already does) that loud volume for long periods fucks the hearing. But let people decide, and take that responsibility.
After all, these things are (or at least bloody well should be) down to personal choice. It’s not the MP3 players decision, it shouldn’t be a government/EU decision. If someone decides that their music needs to be at absolute top volume all the time, fine, they’ll have issues in later life. Let them make the decision.
Designer Pissoir
Posted: Sat 5 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Art, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »Lucky swine that I am, I came across these yesterday. They’re wrong in just so many ways…
Yep, urinals designed as flowers to piss in
Hard to believe someone’s designed something like this, isn’t it?
Relocation Irritation
Posted: Fri 4 December, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »I caught an old episode of Channel 4’s “Relocation Relocation” last night, and yet again my old problem with the programme reared its head.
In short, while I get that some people do need to do the “two properties” thing, why do so many of the ones on this programme have such tight budgets?
I’m sure that most of them end up getting sane, and buying just one place in the end. But it seems to me that most of the people on there are really taken with the idea of “a little Pied á Terre” in London while living “out in the country” for weekends until they look at the practicalities of it. I’m sure it’s a situation that works for some people (for example, I could sort-of see myself doing it, if I were getting paid enough and working in London while still being here in Norfolk) but it’s a nightmare to do. Yes, it’d be nicer than staying three or four nights per week in a cocking Travelodge, but at the same time would it be any cheaper? I doubt it.
Personally I’d rather have a nicer/larger place out in the country – and if I did have to be working in London (or wherever) then I’d just use a hotel or a B&B and get a decent bulk-buy rate.
But maybe I’m just more sensible (or perhaps just less mad) than the people on Relocation Relocation.
December
Posted: Wed 2 December, 2009 Filed under: Cynicism, Festering Season, People, Photography 1 Comment »It seems like loads of people around us spent last weekend putting up all their fucking manky house decorations for the Festering Season. some of them really do have to be seen to be believed.
In particular, two houses on my regular commute have gone hysterically over the top. I’m going to have to stop off some time this week on the way home and see what I can do about getting a couple of photos.
The TV’s full of shitty ads about perfume, CDs, chocolates, and fucking scumshit bastard Iceland.
And to top it off I’ve just had a spam email of “Festive Offers from Tesco Credit Card”. Fuck off, you dirtbags.
Well hellooooo, December.
Dragging Behind
Posted: Mon 30 November, 2009 Filed under: Domestic, People, Travel 1 Comment »Yesterday’s trip to the BBC Good Food Show went OK – as expected it was mentally busy, and in a lot of cases nowhere near enough space between the stands. This particularly applied to the smaller stands where the little independent businesses were showing, and even more so in the cases where they were giving away samples and/or selling their wares. (i.e. Most of them)
But the other big problem this time (in my opinion, and that of others who I heard commenting about it) was the bastard wheeled trollies/cases that loads of people had brought with them.
I’ve written about my feelings about wheeled suitcases – and the people who use them – on a couple of occasions in the past (I thought there was one more recently, but I can’t find it currently) and my feelings really haven’t changed.
In the case of the Good Food Show, it was exacerbated by the sheer number of people around, and the brain-melting stupidity/vapidity of the people wielding the fucking trolleys. I lost count of the number of times the self-obsessed twats would either a) stop, leaving the wheeled trollies dangling out for people to trip over or b) ran over my feet. (and one assumes the feet of many other people too) If I’d been wearing my steel-toecap boots, there’d have been a few of those trollies that got a serious kick as I went past/over them – and there’d have been a couple of their owners receiving the same treatment.
Today I’ve got an exceptionally sore foot from where it got run over several times. I now wish I had taken that stun-gun to the show – although the people with wheeled bags are probably pretty lucky that I didn’t.
Banks, Overdraft Charges, and Sanity
Posted: Fri 27 November, 2009 Filed under: Business, News, People, Thoughts 3 Comments »I’m sure I’m not the only person to actually be quite pleased that the banks won their case about overdraft charges this week – but it’s pretty hard to find anyone else who’s actually willing to say so. If the case had been lost by the banks, it would likely have ended up meaning that everyone had to pay a fee for having a bank account – and thus the people in credit subsidising those who weren’t.
I do, however, think that the banks take the piss on just how much they charge for going over the overdraft limit and so on. Fine, a fiscal penalty makes sense – but £30 per refused item? £15 for going over the limit? That’s a pisstake right there.
I can see the point of some of the people who were (rightly, in my opinion) furious with the banks for charging £30+ when they went 50p over their limit. That’s a punishment that’s out of proportion with the “crime”. As with many of these things, I would like to see some fuzzy limits in place, rather than rigid “10p over and you’re fined” limits. For example, if someone goes a couple of pounds past their limit – and these accidents can and do happen, it doesn’t take much for an unexpected item to drive you close to (or over) that limit on occasion – then they shouldn’t be charged. That policy shouldn’t be publicised as such, but would (again, in my opinion) help provide a far better response from customers.
Yes, you will always get the people who take the piss out of a system like that. But if you’re going to have that bit of fuzz round the edge of the limit, it’s more likely to benefit than hinder. If I’d gone (for example) £3 over my overdraft limit, I’d probably take far more note of not being charged than of being charged. It might make me think “Blimey, that’s reasonable” – or even just “Ah, they’ve fucked up and not noticed” – but at least I wouldn’t be getting pissed off with the bank and ranting about it to all and sundry.
If you go tens (or hundreds, or thousands) of pounds past your agreed overdraft though, then you should expect to pay. I don’t have an issue with the fact that people are charged extra when they’ve done that. That’s just business on the part of the banks. And if someone’s so stupid they don’t read the terms and conditions, or think they won’t get charged, then (as always, in my opinion) then they’re not really fit to have a bank account in the first place. Take some fucking responsibility for your actions.
This year, as I’ve said before, hasn’t been a great one for me, workwise. I did end up over my overdraft for a while, and I did get charged for it. Things are back to normal now, and I’m back in credit. But I didn’t object to the charges (other than their extortionate levels) because I’d got myself in that position – one could argue that fate and shit luck had a part to play, but that’s by the by – and I knew I’d get charged. The only part that rankled was that I’d tried hard to fix things and extend that overdraft limit well before the situation arose, but fell foul of long-standing problems with my bank that I keep on being assured have been fixed, only to be bitten on the arse by them again and again. So I’d tried to organise a fix, but hadn’t been able to do so. If I had been able to, I’d have been fine – I never went past the extra amount I tried to set up. Even so, I knew I’d get charged for going over that limit.
But never once have I been tempted to think “I’ll try and get a refund on all my bank charges over the last ten years” or whatever. When I’ve been charged (and it hasn’t happened often) it’s been because I’ve fucked up, or been in the shit. Or both. I’ve always known (roughly) what those charges would be, and they’ve been expected.
I don’t know why people think they can get their overdrafts “for free”, without being charged by a bank to borrow that money. Banks are in the business of lending money – they’re not (and never will) do it for free. And if you think they will, then I’m sorry, but you’re a fucking idiot.
So yes, I’m pleased that the banks won the case. I think that for once it’s actually the correct result.
Domestic
Posted: Thu 26 November, 2009 Filed under: News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yesterday, the news was full of the story about children being taught about domestic abuse in school from the age of five. And while I think the concept in general is OK, I do think it’s flawed – primarily because it shouldn’t just be about how violence against women is wrong. Domestic violence is wrong, regardless of who does what to whom. And that’s what should be taught.
Coupled with that, I think that the £13m that’s going on this project could be far better spent on resources for actually dealing with the problems that exist, rather than trying/hoping to prevent the same problems in the future.
And I have to wonder, what happens when a child’s had a lesson that week about domestic abuse, and comes home to a place where it’s situation normal? What happens if they say they’ve been taught it’s bad, without necessarily realising what danger they could be putting themselves in by asking?
Most importantly, how do children learn that domestic violence is A Bad Thing when it’s all they’ve seen, and all that their experience is based on?
Catering for stupidity
Posted: Tue 24 November, 2009 Filed under: Business, Catering, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Media, People, Thoughts 3 Comments »Many moons ago, I used to run pubs and hotels – as I’ve mentioned once or twice before. It’s still something that I’d go back to, depending on the right circumstances and so on. In fact, it’s something we’re both talking about as an idea – although not just ‘any old’ pub/restaurant. Although I’ll leave that for now.
Anyway, as a result of that, I do find myself interested by programmes like (among others) BBC’s “The Restaurant“, where nine couples compete to win the chance to run a restaurant in partnership with Raymond Blanc. It’s kind of like “The Apprentice”, but for the restaurant business. My initial plan was to watch it as research, making sure I wouldn’t make any really stupid mistakes.
However, it also leads me to be exceptionally rude and sweary. Sadly, ‘The Restaurant’ has fallen into the same kind of Reality TV trap as The Apprentice, in that the people they’ve got on there aren’t really interested in running a business, but are more interested in being on TV- and that’s also evident in the selection process, where the competitors have quite obviously been selected for their road-crash style fuckups rather than their ideas or restaurant skills.
I’m not saying I’m surprised by this, by the way – more like vaguely despairing, but not at all surprised.
In the current series we’ve already had the couple who (on camera at least) couldn’t find a proper can opener, and thus tried opening a can (and a coconut) with a razor-sharp chef’s knife, using a rolling-pin as a hammer to knock the knife in. I had to look away at that point, because I couldn’t help but wonder whether we were about to see the first on-screen amputation.
We’ve also (somehow still) got a pair where the chef doesn’t cook – and in fact appears to be actively terrified of cooking. How – and indeed why?!? – do you select a pair for a restaurant/catering-based show when the person doing the cooking side of things is (frankly) an utter bell-end whose previous ‘cooking’ experience has been – um – making cocktails in a bar?
I just think it’s a shame – and a waste – of a good idea to have ended up with it being so obviously made-for-TV. I know, it’s a TV programme – but there could’ve been so many opportunities for having something that promoted innovative food, ideas and menus, and instead it’s just another sad Reality TV staple.
Wii Pray
Posted: Wed 18 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Despite being an avowed atheist (or at best agnostic) I think that this is a hilariously brilliant idea.
It’s not quite in the same category of misguided as the infamous Amish Online Dating site which I still hope is a joke, but have a cynical suspicion that someone really created it as an idea.
And in the meantime, remember that actually it’s Satanism that is the only perfect religion. If you fuck up in Satanism, you get to go to Heaven…
Evil Santa
Posted: Sun 15 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Festering Season, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »Now this is my kind of way to scare kids in a Christmas Parade…
Santa cart with deer heads instead of reindeer...
From There, I fixed it
Always With You
Posted: Fri 13 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Art, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Via a range of weird and wonderful links (just don’t ask, OK?) I came across a site called “Pictures of Jesus 4 U” which really has to be seen to be (dis)believed.
For me, the worst/creepiest ones are done by a guy called Larry van Pelt, (Pelt also has his own site here) which raise bad art to a new level. Go on, go and have a look.
What’s even scarier is that (I assume) some people actually pay for these images. There’s just no accounting for taste, I suppose…
Obsessive Behaviour
Posted: Wed 11 November, 2009 Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, Health, People, Thoughts, Weight Loss, Weirdness 1 Comment »Over the last few months, as I’ve written about before, we’ve been attending one of the local Slimming World groups in an effort to lose a bit of weight. Obviously I’ve got more to lose than Herself, but we’re both working on it.
So far it’s been fairly successful – we’ve both lost a stone over that time. We could, in all honesty, have lost more, and/or in less time if we followed all the rules and weighed everything obsessively.
But that’s the key word – in my opinion, there’s an awful lot of this weight-loss stuff that is actually about doing stuff obsessively. We’ve seen three (I think) “group leaders” now, all of whom have lost significant amounts of weight – and absolutely fair play to them for doing so, they’ve done fantastically well – but all of whom are (to be polite about it) just a little bit crackers. There’s a number of examples of this, although right now I can’t be arsed to list them.
The one that keeps on coming back to me, though, was the one who was still utterly obsessed by food – all she’d done was replace high-calorie foods with low-calorie ones. But there was still that slightly crackers gleam in the eye when she was talking about being able to eat “whole bowls of no-Syn trifle to yourself” and so on.
And I find I just don’t have that obsessive part to me – and to some degree it actually leaves me feeling quite uncomfortable. I’m not obsessed with food, nor do I collect anything obsessively, or really anything else. It’s simply not part of me.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest. It’s just something I’ve noticed and wanted to write about it. And maybe that’s it, maybe writing is my obsessive behaviour, whether it be D4D™ or other writing projects. In some ways I’d actually be quite happy if that were the case. I just don’t know if it is.
Big Win
Posted: Tue 10 November, 2009 Filed under: People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Since the weekend, the media’s been full of stories about the two sets of EuroMillions Lottery winners, who both won £45.5 million pounds. It’s not something I’m massively interested in – fair enough, they’ve been lucky enough to win, and that’s great for them. I think if I were in a similar situation though, I’d be pretty certain to go for the “no publicity” bit – after all, I’m willing to bet that this publicity will generate loads of letters to them from people begging for help/loans/gifts/donations. That would do my head in straight away.
Actually, I don’t know that I’d actually want to win that much money. (Although of course I wouldn’t turn it down or anything!)
I would, of course, love to win a decent sum on a lottery – although even then I’d probably be just as happy to earn that amount if one (or more) of my business ideas or plans were ever to take off properly. But £45million? I don’t know. Personally I think that kind of money is too much, it’d just leave you reeling.
There are so many instances of people winning massive sums and then either just blowing it on stupid stuff (houses, cars, drugs) and ending up back to being broke with nothing to show for their win. Just about every “What happened next?” story about lottery winners describes the amount of begging letters from people, the family members coming out of the woodwork, and all the crap that goes with suddenly – and very publicly – getting a massive dollop of money.
And to be honest, I don’t think I would want that much stress and hassle in my life. Sure, the money makes up for it a bit, but I don’t know, it’s just not my thing really.
Ugly
Posted: Sat 7 November, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, People, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »Every so often, you’ll see someone and just think “Why?”. Other people create websites dedicated to that moment…
First there’s Ugly Tattoos, which does exactly what the name says. Some seriously weird and ugly tattoos where you’ve got to wonder a) why they were done in the first place , b) what the people were thinking in the first place and in some cases c) how come the tattooist didn’t get sued.
Then there’s Wedinator, with wedding events/photos that are certainly strange andsometimes just plain wrong.
Any time I wonder whether I’ve been too cynical in my estimations of people, let these sites stand as witness to the fact I can never be that cynical.
Hallowe’en Quizzage Results
Posted: Mon 2 November, 2009 Filed under: Domestic, Norfolk, People Leave a comment »The village quiz last night was – as expected – quite a laugh. What was really good to see was that it was far busier than the previous years we’ve attended, to the point that they had to set up some extra tables in order to seat everyone. Auspiciously, there were 13 teams/tables taking part.
Our table ended up with a “best-decorated table” award, mainly because of Herself’s mother, who had excelled herself with a chocolate cake made up to look like a graveyard, which got taken on a tour round all the other tables by the organisers.
In the end, we came third out of the thirteen tables, only five points off the winning score. That suits me/us – yes, it would be nice to win, but I’m usually content with a “Top Three” position. (And we’ve managed that at each of the village quizzes we’ve attended so far) After all, it’s not the winning, it’s being there and having fun with the entire thing.
All told, a fun evening – allbeit one that also makes you realise just how feckin’ nutty some of our village people really are.
Press What?
Posted: Sun 4 October, 2009 Filed under: People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Seen on the train home on Friday…
As it happens, the actual “Flush” button is hidden behind the loo-seat, so you have to put the seat-cover thing down before you can flush the toilet.
But I do wonder how many people have tried (and failed) to flush these toilets by pressing on that handrail…
Abandoned 2
Posted: Sun 20 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Driving, Parking, People, Stupidity 5 Comments »The same Tesco carpark as my previous post about arsewit parking, but this time it’s just *so* much more impressive. In this case, I’ve left the bell-end’s number-plate in view too. Screw it, parking like this needs to be recorded and credited to the correct knob-head.
Of course, it just had to be a BMW driver, didn’t it?
So bad it's hard to believe
Yep, not even just half-over the line – but parked up in a completely hatched off zone right next to the pedestrian crossing.
In this case I can’t deny it, I went in and spoke to the staff about it – the driver got a telling-off from them too. Seems fair to me.
Unsalted
Posted: Sat 19 September, 2009 Filed under: 1BEM, Health, Norfolk, People, Stupidity, Sweary, Thoughts Leave a comment »Sometimes you read a story and your mind boggles right out of its tiny capsule.
In this case, it’s a story about Norfolk’s Trading Standards launching a campaign to get people to reduce their salt intake. “How?”, I hear you cry. Well, like this…
New saltshakers with fewer holes have provided for fish and chip shops in Norfolk to help cut salt consumption. The saltshakers only have five holes and dispense 50% less salt than the usual 17-hole versions.
What ?!?
So this ‘campaign’ is only in the 400-ish fish-and-chip places in Norfolk. If you’re in a chippy, I somehow suspect that the salt in it is far less of a long-term risk than the amount of fat that’s going into that meal. But no, we’ll focus on the salt. Genius.
And what the fuck has it got to do with Trading Standards? Are people no longer judged to have enough personal responsibility to manage their own salt levels on their food?
I despair. I truly do.
Online/Offline
Posted: Fri 18 September, 2009 Filed under: D4D™, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »For me (and I know I’m not the only one), meeting bloggers etc is always a somewhat strange experience – you know so much about their lives yet have no idea what they look like, for example. (Unless they’ve posted proper photos, of course)
Even after (ye Gods) ten years of doing this kind of thing, whether through blogging or other internet connections, it’s still something that’s odd yet fun to do. And in my experience people never look like you imagine they will. Regardless of what you imagine, reality isn’t the same.
Anyway, in the spirit of this, I went off last night to see Mike ‘Troubled Diva‘ for his hour on The Plinth as part of the “One and Other” project. I’ve been reading TD for at least seven years, and he’s one of the few remaining bloggers I’d wanted to meet (the other remaining unmet ones are Gordon, Diamond Geezer, and – um – that’s about it) so being based just up the road, it simply had to be done.
And it was a fun evening – Mike is pretty much what I expected, but it’s still fantastic to finally meet, having read his life over all that time. We didn’t get a chance to talk for a long time – there were lots of people around – but it’s been great to meet, anyway.
Cycle Hire
Posted: Wed 16 September, 2009 Filed under: Cynicism, People, Stupidity, Thoughts, Travel 6 Comments »I noticed yesterday a piece on the BBC about cycle-hire programmes being introduced in some places in the UK.
And while I think it’s A Good Thing™ to bring cycle-hire etc to the fore and work on making it into a sustainable concept, I’ve got to ask what kind of Twunt puts a cycle-hire facility in fucking Blackpool? Yes, it’s fine as a UK tourist spot – but on windy days (and there are more of those than sunny ones in Blackpool, in my opinion) it’s hard enough to walk into the wind, let alone cycle into it. (And while it’ll be fine cycling with the wind behind you, in my experience the wind is always against you as a cyclist)
The bit that really makes me laugh, though is this :
According to tourism body Visit England, the number of UK holidaymakers visiting the resort in 2008 was down 26% on the previous year. Tourism bosses hope the scheme will be another attraction for people visiting the resort.
Tourists don’t (in general) cycle around cities like Oxford and Cambridge, where cycling is already de rigeur. So why the hell would they bother in effing Blackpool, for fuck’s sweet everloving sake?