Solsticial

Posted: Thu 21 December, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD | 5 Comments »

Shortest Day! Shortest Day!

Tra-la-la-la, it’s the Winter Solstice.

I don’t think I need to say any more than that, really.

Shortest

Posted: Wed 21 December, 2022 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD | Leave a comment »

In happier news, today is the Winter Solstice (at least in the Northern Hemisphere) so it’s the shortest day. This year that shortest day is 7 hours 49 minutes and 49 seconds.

The changes are (as always) tiny for a while, but it’s at least good to know that we’re done with the shortest one and that we’re heading back towards the time of sunlight…

September Restart (Hopefully)

Posted: Wed 1 September, 2021 | Author: | Filed under: D4D™, Depression, Domestic, Health, SAD, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

So, yes, I’m still alive. There’s been a bundle of stuff going on that isn’t blog-friendly (or even interesting) and August has been it’s usual shower of shit.

I don’t know why it happens, but it does, and it’s not a conscious process at all.  But I’ll have about two weeks where pretty much nothing goes right, and it whacks my brain hard, and then I realise that yes, yet again, it’s bloody August.

Obviously this year I also got slightly walloped by July, but well, who’s counting?

As is obvious, I got through it all – and in fairness, it’s nothing major that’s been occurring, I’m still in the same house, same job, nothing epic has altered.  But it hits me hard anyway, like I’ve had enough energy to keep going ’til now, then I just feel like I’ve been slammed into a wall, and there’s little to no time or energy to do anything for a few weeks.

So anyway, yes, September. Let’s see how things go from here…

Extending Daylight

Posted: Mon 23 December, 2019 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD | Leave a comment »

As of today, the days are getting longer again (for the next six months, anyway)  It’s only five seconds longer today than yesterday, but at least it’s heading in the right direction.

This is A Good Thing.

That is all.

Solsticial

Posted: Fri 21 December, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD | Leave a comment »

Today’s the Winter Solstice – the shortest day of the year. From here, the days get longer again, although initially it’s barely noticeable. (From that page, by New Year the day will be one whole minute longer than today, although the differences do increase as we go through the year)

In terms of daylight, this day is 8 hours, 49 minutes shorter than on June Solstice.

Oddly, the latest sunrise doesn’t happen ’til the end of the year, rather than being on the shortest day. (Orbital mechanics be weird, y’all)

Regardless, at least the days are going to get longer. We’re almost over the hump.

Booking Time Out

Posted: Mon 5 February, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: 2017/18, Depression, Do More, Domestic, Driving, Five Year Plan (now Ten), SAD, Single Life, Thoughts, Travel | 1 Comment »

At the end of 2017 (and of 2016, and of 2015 – I know, I know) I said about needing to take more time out, take some breaks from work and so on.

I am rotten at taking time off – it’s never been high on my driving factors, and really it just ends up being expensive, and me just spending time on my own somewhere else.  And with all that, I find it way too easy to put off booking holidays and time away, it’s such a low priority that it always falls off the bottom of the list of things to do.

So this year, I’ve booked stuff already. I’ve got three breaks locked in, booked and paid for.  One in February, one in May, and one in November.

It’ll be interesting to see, come the end of 2018, whether I feel better for having those breaks or not.  I’m not sure, but I’m going to give it all a go, and find out.

Missing Time/Posts

Posted: Mon 22 January, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, SAD | Leave a comment »

So we’re only three weeks into 2018, and already I’ve lost a week’s posts. Just didn’t do them – started stuff, but life and other stuff got in the way, so I’ve started the year by being crap.  (Not that that’s anything unusual, but there we go)  Sure, I could cheat and backdate some things, but that’s not really the way to go. I could, but I won’t.

It’s sort-of annoying, but at the same time it’s a result of being a) stupidly busy and b) that overall sense of Grey. Thankfully,the tail-end of last week involved some brighter days where blue sky was visible along with direct sunlight, and that’s helped a lot.

This year I don’t know that I’ll always keep to the posting routine – but I’ll do my best.

Anyway, here we go for the rest of the year, and let’s see how I do…

Grey Skies

Posted: Fri 12 January, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: D4D™, Depression, Domestic, SAD, Weather | 1 Comment »

January is a funny old month in some ways – and particularly so when I look at how it affects my SAD and so on.

As usual, this January has been grey. Different degrees of grey admittedly, including some brighter/lighter grey days, and a fair bundle of darker ones.

Grey days are the ones that affect me the most, regardless of the degree.  I find that a grey week with no sight of the sun really affects me – I still get out for fresh air and some daylight, but a few days without direct sunlight and it leaves me feeling far flatter and more tired than usual.

As it is, I’ve found more and more that I can deal with shorter days (although obviously I notice them, and they affect me) so long as they’re bright, and have sight of sunlight.  The days now are getting longer – almost imperceptibly, but they are.  But with this weeks lack of sun, it’s actually been a far tougher week to get through.

Hopefully the coming week will have more chances for some decent daylight.

Getting Longer

Posted: Fri 22 December, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Change, Depression, Domestic, SAD, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

Yesterday was the Winter Solstice – the Shortest Day (and, of course, the Longest Night) of 2017.

From here on, for the next six months, the days get longer again. Only by a few seconds per day, but it all adds up.

Honestly, the Winter Solstice is more important to me than the whole of the Festering Season.

So every year I’m happy to see it happen.  The dark days are finite, even if they come round again next year.

Downtime(ish)

Posted: Mon 27 November, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Films, SAD, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

The weekend just gone ended up being a proper weekend “off”, and much needed. The last few weeks (well, months) have been pretty hectic, what with one thing and another. This weekend had been kind-of empty, but that also meant I’d booked stuff in.

I should’ve taken the hint though – a couple of weeks ago I cancelled off my first plan (a restaurant visit) because I just wasn’t feeling it, wasn’t looking forward to it, and where’s the fun in it when every single reaction to it is “blah”?  So I sacked that off, and had made other plans, which then fell through a bit. No-one’s fault, just short-notice and other things already booked with the people in question.   So I’d made a third plan, a day-trip to Manchester (travelling by train, so it was still semi-sensible, by my standards) which would’ve been fun – I haven’t been back to Manchester in a good eighteen months or so.

And then on Wednesday/Thursday I got an email making me aware that Manchester was going to be full of football stuff, plus a few other events, and I realised that actually I didn’t want that – and I particularly didn’t want that super-packed train home. Not in the mood for the people and the crowds, blah blah.

So I sacked it all off, admitted defeat (not quite the right word, but it’ll do for now) and stayed home. I still did a fair amount – sorted a bundle of domestic stuff, got rid of some things to the local tip, went to the cinema to watch a rubbish and easy-watching film on the Saturday, and then went out with local friends on the Sunday evening.

Basically, it was all enough to appease my brain’s nagging work ethic, but without doing much more than the bare minimum to appease it.

It was good – but also annoying, because I don’t actually feel any better for that quiet weekend. Maybe it’s a lost hope now, but I wanted to sleep, and to feel somewhat refreshed by the end of a peaceable and quiet weekend – but I don’t. I’m still tired, still feeling a bit blah about things, and just trying to figure shit out.

It was needed, but I kind-of wish it felt like I’d had more benefit out of it…

Dragging

Posted: Fri 3 November, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Animals, Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, SAD, Single Life, Thoughts, Time, Travel, Work-related | Leave a comment »

This week is always a tough one for me – I find that more and more, my body is really messed up by the changing of the clocks. It leaves me slightly disoriented, particularly because daylight levels have suddenly changed according to the clock. For example, last week I was getting up in the dark to be ready for work, but evenings still had some light to them.  Now, arbitrarily on one day, it’s changed so that I’m rising and going to work with daylight, but that the evenings are darker much ‘sooner’.

Because of the Seasonal Depression I get anyway, I know that my brain is aware of light levels and so on, but it’s always interesting to see what affects it. It’s not fun while I’m in that change, but it’s still interesting to see it.

All told it leaves me just out of kilter, more tired than usual, and just that nagging feeling that Something Is Not Right.  It eases off – it usually takes about a week to do so, so we’re nearly there now – but it’s a tough week of being tired, demotivated, and slightly crankier than usual.

And of course it’s not helped by also a ) being very close to my birthday, and b ) having been another busy week or so. I was away last weekend, I’ve been out most evenings this week, and then it’s busy this weekend as well, although I’ll at least be home in the evenings/nights.  Being out so much also means that the cats decide I’m leaving or something, and get extra clingy and annoying while I’m home – which also doesn’t improve my mood or temper. I’m not good at being In Demand – and particularly not at being In Demand And Shouted At – but there we go, that’s what this week has entailed.

It’ll all ease off again, I know.  It just means that this week post-clock-change is a beast.

A Paucity of Postings

Posted: Sun 15 January, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Creativity, D4D™, Depression, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Organised, SAD, Thoughts, Weather, Writing | Leave a comment »

Despite the best of intentions, this week’s been quiet here on D4D™.

Mainly, it’s because I’ve been absolutely snowed under with work, including beating the living hell out of databases – and cursing the clowns that wrote Microsoft Access, which is what I’ve been taking data out of and putting into something decent. One of these days I’d like to meet the people who created it, and ask just what the fuck was going through their minds when they made certain decisions.

Along the way, there’s been a whole bundle of other stuff, insomnia and the like, and well, it’s just January.

I have a hard time with January, for some reason. It’s part of the reason I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions, because I know I’m never good with the start of the year.  The thing is, I don’t really know why it’s such a tough one for me.

I’ve got my suspicions – and primarily it’s about preparation.

I know I get affected by autumn and winter, as the nights draw in and so on, and I can fight it for a long time. Then there’s the standard dislike of the Festering Season, which I’m ready for and can keep on fighting.  But now we’re through all that, the days are getting longer, and we’re through the whole Christmas period.

This is where (I suspect) my problems kick in – the days are still short, even if they’re lengthening. It’s just not doing so quickly enough. This week in particularly has been pretty much solidly grey and overcast, with little to no sunlight coming through. And I’m just tired, with no real energy for continuing to fight the whole Seasonal thing.

It leaves me flat, tired and uninspired. It shouldn’t, in all sense, but regardless, it does.

So yeah, this week’s been more about downtime, about being tired and grey, and not really in the mood for doing much. I’ve got a fair amount of stuff in the coming week as well, which will help. But this week’s been a flat and down one. Such is life, and all that rot.

Solsticial

Posted: Mon 21 December, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Festering Season, Health, SAD, Weather | Leave a comment »

Happily, today is the Winter Solstice for 2015 – the shortest day, the longest night. (technically it’s tomorrow at 4.20am, but traditionally it’s today, the 21st, so I’m sticking with that)

From here, the days get longer – and that’s always a good thing.  I suspect the impact of it will be lessened this year, as we’ve had such a stunningly warm December anyway, whereas the impact is always greater when November and December have been consistently grey and crap.

The day’s won’t feel longer it for a while – the increase is only seconds until at least the new year – but just knowing that it’s happening is A Good Thing.

And once the Festering Season is over and done with, it’s all improvements from there.

Flat (Again)

Posted: Fri 20 March, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: 2015 vs 2014, Cynicism, Depression, Domestic, Finances, Health, SAD, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

It’s all been a bit quiet chez D4D™ – but I’m OK. The Bronchitis is pretty much gone, bar the odd cough – so that’s good.

I do still feel quite drained and flattened by it all, though – and I think that’s what’s finally coming through this week. I have to keep remembering that it’s only ten days since I finished the antibiotics, and that I’m still fighting off the remnants.

While this year’s been pretty good so far – and how the chuff are we nearly in April, for goodness’ sake? – it’s also been pretty manically busy with work and life, and I suspect that’s having a knock-on effect as well.

Basically, I’m tired, demotivated and just a bit flat. I really can’t be arsed – particularly with work. I’m still plodding through, but it’s an effort. Sleep is always an issue with me, but I am beginning to wonder if depression isn’t rearing it’s ugly head.

I don’t think it’s depression – but then, that’s what people say when they’re depressed. It’s not at vicious levels or anything, but I’m aware that I’m just all a bit Meh.   Herself used to note that I was OK in Winter because I know I get hit by SAD , and so prepare myself for it – which means I’m less affected by it. However, then Spring comes along with longer days and more sunlight, and I relax, expecting to be doing better, and get sledgehammered by depression again when I’m not prepared for it instead.  I don’t know if that’s valid – but it’s something that’s been bouncing round my head a bit this month.

I’m going to see how things go though.  The current work situation only has three weeks left to run, at which point I’ve booked a break anyway. (Up to Edinburgh for a very chilled long weekend) Then we’ll see how things progress from there, I think.

At worst, at least I’m aware and conscious of it all, and will deal with it if necessary.  At best, it’ll ease up once the current work stuff is dealt with, and things can progress again from there.

At the same time, I’m aware that I’m in a pretty decent situation and life is looking up, so maybe I’m more just worrying about stuff, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Time (as always) will tell.

Losing an Hour

Posted: Sun 26 October, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD | Leave a comment »

And now – well, at 2am –  the clocks go back, and we welcome GMT back into our live.

In some ways, I’m quite happy about this – mainly because my body clock has been absolutely knackered for the last few weeks, so with any luck this will help reset it.

Creativity Locked

Posted: Thu 29 May, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Health, Insomnia, Project 42, SAD, Words, Writing | Leave a comment »

Over the last couple of months, my creative side has felt like it’s completely locked up. I don’t particularly know why – although I suspect it’s linked to feeling constantly tired, burned out, and unwell.

After this weekend, I’m making some changes again – mainly employment stuff (of which a bit more tomorrow) but also a few life-based things.

With the new job, I’m aiming to limit myself to work-based stuff just in work hours. With the last couple of jobs they’ve been coming home with me, and it’s been sitting in my head. I suspect that’s been a mistake.  It’s certainly put me in a position where a lot of the time I don’t even want to look at a computer while I’m at home – although again that may be down to also feeling depressingly run-down – so I’m currently hoping that if I limit myself a bit more workwise, I might have the time and inclination to do other stuff when I’m back at home.

It could also be that I’m going through a bit of a depression dump. It wouldn’t be the first time that I get affected like that once the days have started getting longer. I can deal with – and fight – the seasonal depression of long nights and grey days, but once the days get longer I lower my guard, lower my resistance, and sometimes it just hits hard for a while.

I’m hoping I’ll find some ways to reset myself a bit over the next couple of weeks, but we’ll see.

 

Shortest

Posted: Sat 21 December, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, SAD, Time, Weather | 2 Comments »

Today, December 21st, is this year’s Winter Equinox – the shortest day of the year.  And about damn time too.

Today, the sun will be around for 7h 44m 14s , even if it doesn’t feel like it’s that long. Tomorrow’s only one second longer, but by the end of the year the sun will be setting after 4pm, and the day will already be five minutes longer, at 7h 49m 32s. It’s not much, but it’s an improvement.

In six months time, the day will be 16h 44m 24s, a full nine hours longer. I know that’s nothing in comparison to  Tromsø (for example) where December is truly dark and June is completely lit.

All the same, knowing that today is the shortest day is a reason for celebration, and keck-all to do with the oncoming Festering Season.