September Restart (Hopefully)
Posted: Wed 1 September, 2021 Filed under: D4D™, Depression, Domestic, Health, SAD, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts Leave a comment »So, yes, I’m still alive. There’s been a bundle of stuff going on that isn’t blog-friendly (or even interesting) and August has been it’s usual shower of shit.
I don’t know why it happens, but it does, and it’s not a conscious process at all. But I’ll have about two weeks where pretty much nothing goes right, and it whacks my brain hard, and then I realise that yes, yet again, it’s bloody August.
Obviously this year I also got slightly walloped by July, but well, who’s counting?
As is obvious, I got through it all – and in fairness, it’s nothing major that’s been occurring, I’m still in the same house, same job, nothing epic has altered. But it hits me hard anyway, like I’ve had enough energy to keep going ’til now, then I just feel like I’ve been slammed into a wall, and there’s little to no time or energy to do anything for a few weeks.
So anyway, yes, September. Let’s see how things go from here…
Ten Years Back
Posted: Mon 14 January, 2019 Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Health, Looking Back, Memory, Norfolk, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts, Weight Loss 1 Comment »This weekend there’s been a bit of a “ten years ago” meme going round social media, and while I won’t get involved (mainly because I don’t do photos of me, let alone photos of me from a decade ago) it did make me go back to the archives here and have a look at what was going on. Which was quite interesting (to me, anyway)
Ten years ago, I was still with Herself, we were in the Norfolk house, and sleeping abysmally while also sick as chuff with a chest infection of sorts. So, some things never change. I was working in a local-government job I hated – and the post about that was exactly ten years ago today – and generally doing OK.
I did also find a post about my weight – and again, not much has changed. I’ve lost a bit of weight since then – which I’m happy with – but all told it’s really stayed pretty stable. (There’s another post back in Jan 2005 about the same thing, with similar figures to where I’m at now)
Of course, there have been a lot of changes in that ten years, but it’s also interesting to see what’s stayed much the same…
Lag-Free
Posted: Wed 16 May, 2018 Filed under: Domestic, Insomnia, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts, Travel 2 Comments »Having come back from Toronto on Saturday into Sunday, I’ve managed to stay remarkably free of jet-lag. Most people have pointed out that this is probably because my body-clock and sleep-patterns are so utterly screwed anyway, but I’m still surprised by how I’ve got through it so far. (And yes, I’m aware it could still ruse up and bite me in the arse, but it’s looking less and less likely)
Basically, I just beasted my way through it. I was awake by 6am Toronto time on the Saturday, we spent most of the day walking the final bits of Toronto that we hadn’t seen, got to the airport, and took the 18:30 flight out. We got in to Heathrow at 6:30am UK Time (so about 01:30 Toronto time), and I then drove home.
Being aware of having been up 24-ish hours already, I didn’t do much for the rest of the day – sorted out all the domestic stuff, laundry and so on – but got through the day, and finally went to bed at about midnight, after being awake for about 36 hours straight. Then was up again by my usual time, and it’s been an easy switch back to the usual timetable.
It kind of worries me that I’ve been able to deal with that kind of jet-lag and time change with no ill-effects. It makes me wonder how far I’d have to travel in order to get hit by it – not that I want to, particularly, but it’s sort of interesting, I suppose.
Seasonal Transitional
Posted: Fri 18 March, 2016 Filed under: Change, Depression, Domestic, Fog, Introspective, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts, Weather Leave a comment »This time of year is hard for me. A lot of it is related to the change of the seasons, the transition between winter and spring/summer, the weather, and the resultant effect on my depression.
It’s weird, really. Through the winter, I expect the grey days and the lack of sunlight – it’s par for the course, and I’m used to handling it, fighting against depression and not wanting to go out. I get as much daylight as possible – currently helped by my office facing big windows, which maximises things, and walking at lunchtime – and basically just get through Winter the best I can.
Come spring though, things change. Days get longer, we have more hours of sunlight, and I know that the easier time is coming – but it’s not here yet. I’m tired from having kept the depression at bay all winter, and it hits me harder now as a result. I just don’t have the energy by now to keep on fighting with it. It’s the time when I completely lack motivation, and could happily stay in bed a lot longer, not wanting to get up.
I still do get up, and get things done. I make plans – not always conscious plans, but because I’m aware of the upcoming Glums, I make plans ahead of time, sometimes without realising just why I’m making them for that time. I still do stuff, and get on with it. But it’s definitely a lot harder than usual (as the actress said to the bishop) and a rough period.
It’s not helped by being (or at least feeling) greyer than usual. Yes, it’s getting light – but the last couple of weeks, it’s just been bright grey, with fairly thick mists and fogs most mornings. Again, a facet of the season, but one I find particularly tough to deal with. I’m OK with it being dark when I get up, I’m better with it being light and sunny when I get up. But this grey crap in between the two is just draining.
I’ll be OK. I’m used to this crap, and I can generally deal with it. I’m affected by it, but I won’t admit defeat to it.
Given a couple of weeks – usually once the clocks go forward at the end of the month – things will start to come back. But March is just a bit cruddy, with drained energy levels, and more blah than usual as a result.
Decaffeinating
Posted: Mon 9 November, 2015 Filed under: 2015/16, Diet Coke, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Food, Health, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »As people should have gathered, I’m currently doing a bundle of plans for the coming year, as well as continuing to make changes to my general life, health, fitness and so on.
One of those changes is – yet again – cutting down a lot on my caffeine intake, and seeing how things go.
My caffeine intake is highly cyclic, I cut it down (and sometimes out) for a while, and then it slowly goes back up again. And lo, another cycle continues.
Anyway, this time round I’m working on it again, and so far it’s fairly successful. I’m drinking a lot more water, and the Diet Coke intake is commensurately much, much lower.
What’s annoying, though, is that even with a massively reduced intake, it hasn’t affected my insomnia at all. It’s annoying because just about every person who has ever pointed out I drink too much Diet Coke (or caffeine in any other format) has said it explains my insomnia.
But nope, even when I’m just drinking water – and have been for a couple of weeks – my sleep is still atrocious. Indeed, sometimes even worse than usual.
It really is bloody annoying.
The Weekend of Quiet
Posted: Wed 1 July, 2015 Filed under: Domestic, Getting Organised, House Work, Milton Keynes, Seeing Films, Sleep - or lack thereof Leave a comment »As planned, last weekend was fairly quiet – and much needed.
The only booked thing I had in was to get someone from nPower’s third-party partner company in to look at my electricity meter. I’m going to write about that in a different post, because it gets long-winded, and slightly farcical. (As do all things nPower)
Other than that, I didn’t do much. The total of activities was
- Visit the cinema (twice)
- Keep up my walking targets, so I did wander round Milton Keynes etc.
- A bit of shopping
- Sorting out the back yard, including buying new pots and plants, and getting them installed/planted.
- Other very small odds and sods.
So it was decent. It would’ve been better if I’d actually been able to sleep well too, but there we go, that’d be pushing my luck too far.
Perfect Timing
Posted: Thu 31 July, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Insomnia, Sleep - or lack thereof, Sweary, Technology 4 Comments »On a totally different note, why is it that batteries in smoke alarms and CO2 detectors *always* need replacing at 4am?
Bastard bloody things.
Still, at least I now know – not that I had any doubt, and I certainly didn’t need any proof – that I can’t sleep through a CO2 alarm.
(And of course yes, I can now – because I pulled the dead/dying batteries out of the fucking thing)
Meles
Posted: Tue 11 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Dreaming, Sleep - or lack thereof 2 Comments »I’m not normally one for sharing what goes on in dreams (or indeed anywhere else in my head) but for once I have a question.
In the name of all that is rational, sane, and comprehensible, what is it meant to signify if you have a dream that involves being chased down empty streets, pursued by a rabid badger, of all things?
Fitbit Flex – Sleepy Time
Posted: Thu 20 February, 2014 Filed under: Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Health, Insomnia, Project 42, Reviews(ish), Sleep - or lack thereof, Technology Leave a comment »Carrying on from yesterday’s post, I’m writing a bit about how I’m doing with the Fitbit Flex, a wristband pedometer and sleep monitor. Today it’s more about the sleep monitoring that the Flex does.
As with the pedometer side, the sleep monitoring can be a useful tool, but it’s not something to rely on absolutely.
The sleep monitoring is activated manually (which is usually OK, but could be a pain in the ass on occasion) and also needs to be manually deactivated – which is more of a pig, because if you forget, it screws the figures. It would be nice to have some automatic deactivation in there, although I suspect that the variables for it are pretty wobbly.
Based – I assume – on movement during the night, the Flex can report on “Sleep”, “Disturbed Sleep” and “Awake”. “Sleep” is – again, I assume – when the sleeper is motionless, as REM sleep paralyses the body. (which is why most people don’t sleepwalk, or do anything else physical that they’re dreaming about) “Disturbed Sleep” is when the sleeper is moving about. I’ve no idea how it discerns “Awake” though – it pegs my awake-in-bed time as ‘disturbed sleep’- so I assume that “Awake” means “Registered as sleeping, but actually walking around”. As such, the categories are a bit rough, but at least provide an illustration of sleep quality – or lack thereof.
One thing I do find affects me though is actually looking at the results. (Which is a bit meta and ‘chaos theory’, but bear with me) It’s one thing to feel like you’ve had a bad night, but it’s another one entirely to know it with the readings from the Flex. And yes, I could ‘leave it’ til later, but damn it, I’m interested. However, it does make me feel more tired, more justified in being tired, with that knowledge of “Oh yeah, but I had a crap night”. Seeing the information makes me aware of that crap night, and does affect how I feel during the day. (Similar to how reading a horoscope first thing can sometimes subconsciously direct you towards doing the things ‘predicted’)
It is interesting though. It’s proven that I usually actually get by on 3.5-4 hours sleep per night most of the time, and that it’s really only when I’m on sub-three-hours that I feel shockingly bad. I have good nights (rare), bad nights (common) and very bad nights (thankfully not quite as common as I’d thought)
I’ll keep on using the Flex for this – as I’ve said, it’s a useful indicator, if nothing else. Whether I continue to be aware of the timings or not, bearing in mind how much that knowledge affects me, remains to be seen.
Monitoring Sleep
Posted: Thu 9 January, 2014 Filed under: 2013/14, Domestic, Dreaming, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Organised, Health, Insomnia, Project 42, Sleep - or lack thereof, Technology Leave a comment »Over the years, I’ve kind of got used to sleeping really badly – although I’d still like to know the causes, and whether it really is as bad as I think/feel it is.
The reason I’m not sure is because – as I think I’ve said before – according to partners, sometimes I’ll have slept through the night, but woken up and been convinced I’ve had a bad night. Yes, I apparently manage to dream that I’m waking up and having a bad night. And yes, that is really really fucked-up, however you look at it.
Anyway, as part of the whole ‘weighing less’ part of this year, I was also wanting to monitor (or at least better monitor) my activity, steps-per-day and the like. So I’ve ended up ordering a FitBit Flex which should let me keep an eye on all of that at once. It’ll also integrate with a couple of other apps on the phone etc., which will make for some interesting reading over time. The only downside is that I’d have liked one that also allows me to check/monitor heart-rate (and really, why can’t you get a wearable wristband device that’ll do that? It can’t be that difficult, surely?) but there just isn’t anything like that around at the moment. The closest would be the Pulse from Withings – but that doesn’t do the integration stuff, and doesn’t keep track of heartbeat in the way that I wanted.
I’m not relying on it, or assuming it’ll be the thing that changes everything for me – but it should at least answer some questions, particularly about how I sleep. And that at least will be interesting, and make it worth what I’ve paid. Anything else is a bonus, really.
Micro-sleeps
Posted: Thu 9 January, 2014 Filed under: Commuting, Driving, News, People, Sleep - or lack thereof Leave a comment »If you ever wanted to be really scared by a statistic, try this one from this story from the BBC about ‘micro-sleeps’…
Of 1,000 drivers it interviewed, 45% of men admitted to micro-sleeping while driving, as did 22% of women.
A micro-sleep is an episode of light sleep lasting five to 10 seconds. The brain goes to sleep involuntarily and it is more likely to happen in a monotonous situation. People wake suddenly, often with a sharp jerk of the head.
I know I’ve driven behind people before that I’m sure were doing this – but maybe it’s more prevalent than I thought. Jesus.
A Warm Resting Place
Posted: Wed 6 November, 2013 Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Sleep - or lack thereof Leave a comment »Over the last couple of weeks, the Bengal cat has been very strange – even by her standards. For the first time in three years, she’s been sleeping on my bed – without attacking my feet.
I don’t mind (too much) in general – it’s probably a good sign that the autistic little twatbag is feeling quite settled and trusting. Or alternatively that she’s not feeling settled, but trusts me enough to use me for comfort.
Mind you, last night she spent most of it sleeping on me as if I were a tree-branch. Very cat, very Bengal, and not at all comfortable for the two-legs. But of course that’s not important in cat-world, it’s about finding a warm resting place that doesn’t move too much.
She’s also been sitting on me more during the evening, and if not fully asleep then enough that she’s comfortable and relaxed. (By “not fully asleep” I mean that if I move too much, she’ll either open her eyes and glare at me, or get off in a huff)
Regardless, it’s quite weird and noteworthy. I’ve always been aware that Bengals can be quite a handful to live with – and she’s shown that on *many* occasions – but also that once they’ve decided that the two-legs is “OK”, things relax a bit. I’m not counting my chickens just yet – we’ve had too many ups and downs over the years for me to do that – but right now I’m pretty sure she’s feeling settled though – and it’s only taken 18 months in the new house to get to this point.
Midweek
Posted: Fri 18 October, 2013 Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Gigs, Insomnia, London, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts Leave a comment »This week and next, I’m out at fairly large events held mid-week. In London. I must be mad.
This week was, of course, the Neil Gaiman event at CHW in London, which resulted in me getting home at about half-midnight(ish) having opted for getting the train back to Milton Keynes and then driving the final bit, rather than driving and parking in Central London.
Next week will be seeing Peter Gabriel at the O2, which I’m really looking forward to. I suspect I’ll be getting home at about the same time, although this time I’ll be driving it instead of relying on public transport.
On the downside, I find that nights like that take it out of me now for the following night as well. I’m not sure if it’s a sign of getting older, or just that I’m out of practice – either way, my sleep/insomnia on the Wednesday night after the Gaiman event was even worse than usual, despite being more knackered.
Although with this kind of thing, it’s also making me even more pleased that I’m not doing that commute into Cambridge any more!
Weird Dreamage
Posted: Mon 17 December, 2012 Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts 4 Comments »Last night, I woke up to the sound of one of the cats puking. It’s a distinctive sound, to say the least.
Weirdly, this morning I could find no sign of it happening – which is worrying.
It means either
- The cat puked, and then it’s been eaten (either by the same cat, or one of the others) or…
- I dreamed it. (Dreamed? Dreamt? Not sure)
If it’s Option One, that’s pretty gross, and doesn’t usually happen.
If it’s Option Two then then I think I really need to worry about my brain, because I dread to imagine what any dream analyst would come up with as a reason to dream about a cat puking.
Vivid Dreaming
Posted: Thu 11 October, 2012 Filed under: Domestic, Insomnia, Sleep - or lack thereof, Weirdness Leave a comment »One thing I’ve realised more and more over the last few months is that I dream very vividly – to the point that I can’t easily tell dreams from reality. It’s only when I think back and actually analyse things that I work out sometimes whether it’s been dream or real. That’s not helped by the fact that most of my dreams appear to be quite reality-based anyway. I’ve never dreamed about flying naked, or whatever.
Don’t get me wrong, they get very weird – but it’s extrapolations from reality, rather than just starting weird and getting worse.
Recently, I’ve also been vivid-dreaming that I’m awake. Or I think I have – it’s a possibility, anyway.
Either way, I’m either awake and not sleeping, or I’m asleep, dreaming I’m wide awake, and thus – um – dreaming about insomnia.
I honestly don’t know which it is. There are bits where I know I’ve been awake ’til ungodly hours – and have physically moved to pick up the clock and look at the time, for instance. Others, I’m less sure – I’ve felt like I’ve had no sleep, but then I also recall things that were definitely (with analysis) dreams.
It’s all very confusing, and not at all helpful.
Core Sleep
Posted: Mon 30 August, 2010 Filed under: Domestic, Sleep - or lack thereof Leave a comment »Over the weekend, I caught up on some sleep. I’ve said before, my “core sleep” hours are between 7 and 9 am – if I get woken up (or have to wake up) within that time, I’m foul for the day, and resemble a grizzly bear woken from hibernation.
Come the end of those core hours, I usually wake up naturally within a couple of minutes, and all is right with the world. It’s weird, but true.
Anyway, this weekend I couldn’t work out why I was waking up at 10am instead.
And then it occurred to me.
It looks like my core hours are actually 7 to 9am GMT. We’re in BST, so that’s 8-10am.
Bizarre, but true.
Rain, Storms
Posted: Mon 23 August, 2010 Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Norfolk, Sleep - or lack thereof, Weather Leave a comment »When it rains heavily (particularly when it does so at night) having the animals becomes distinctly harder work than any other time. This weekend has been a perfect demonstration of that – we had a proper thunderstorm on Saturday night / Sunday morning, and heavy rain last night/this morning.
Hound has decided that heavy rain equals Thunder, and skitters round the room to lay next to my side of the bed. I don’t mind this too much – she’s been really good this weekend on this score, without getting stressy and stupid, let alone trying to burrow through the wall as she has done on previous occasions. But she still makes enough noise to wake me up, which isn’t great. Saturday night we ended up moving into the living room again (for some reason one of Hound’s “safe places”) because it was proper thunder etc., and it’s easier to have her in there than down the side of the bed.
Sunday night we had heavy rain, so Hound came round to my side of the bed again. This time though it was Psycho Cat that was the pain in the arse – having got utterly soaked, he decided that the best way to warm up and dry off was to snug into the back of my knees, and then turn round repeatedly so that everything dried off evenly. It has to be said that there is little worse than being woken up by the sensation of cold wet cat fur in the back of your nice warm legs.
The little shit even then went back out again once he dried off and warmed up, and was whining again by 7am that he was cold and wet and why wouldn’t anyone do anything. I seriously wonder sometimes whether it wouldn’t be easier to just drown the little fucker and be done with it.
So all told
Weekend Timing
Posted: Sat 24 July, 2010 Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Sleep - or lack thereof Leave a comment »I really wish that Hound would get the idea about weekends. I know, I know, she’s a dog, and dogs aren’t supposed to understand these concepts. But for a time-oriented and very insistent/herding animal, weekends are a real pain in the arse.
It’s my fault (of course). During the week I get up at 6.30, do all the morning things, let the chickens out, and go to work.
On a weekend, well, I went a lie-in. But Hound doesn’t care.
So by 7am she’s scratching on the door, effectively saying “You’re late! It’s time to get up and get back in the routine!”
If you tell her to sod off (or words to that effect) she’ll go and lie down for ten minutes. And it’s exactly ten minutes – you could set your clock by it.
7.10. Scratch scratch. “Sod off”
7.20 Scratch scratch. “Sod off”
7.30. Scratch scratch scratch. “Sod Off“. Scratch “You’re really really late now. And The Girls still need letting out”
7.40. Scratch scratch. “Sod Off”
7.50 Scratch scratch scratch. “Sod it“.
By now Hound’s up a height, stressed that all her routine is just ruined. “Daddy’s late, The Girls aren’t out yet, I haven’t had my pills yet, it’s just all going horribly wrong.”
Poxy fucking animals.