A couple of weeks back I wrote about making an appointment to see the doctor about depression, lack of motivation, lack of drive etc. etc. I didn’t – and still don’t – want to ask for help, but I know that in my current state I have/had to.
Yesterday was the day of the appointment. 7am and I’m at the doctors. That’s never going to be the start of a good day…
Anyway, I talked through some of the stuff with the GP – who’s extremely wet and wanky, but means well. Better than being completely useless I suppose. But you never really get the impression he could give much of a damn one way or t’other. I suppose that’s one of the risks of being a GP though.
And now I’ve got a prescription for Citalopram, an SSRI anti-depressant. I’m going to take them, and see how things go.
I’m not happy about being on these pills, but I’m at the point where I know that I need something to break the cycle/spiral I’ve got into. This is the first step in that process. Well technically it’s the third step, I suppose- the first one was acknowledging I’m in that cycle at all, and the second was doing something about it by going to the GP.
I don’t like the thought of being reliant on pills or medication – I’m crap at even taking painkillers unless I really need them.
Also I can’t help but wonder what I’ll be like on anti-depressants. I’ve been living with depression for such a long time now, I wonder what changes there’ll be if it’s not around. It’ll be interesting to find out, anyway.
One of my challenges for April is to take part in Script Frenzy – a challenge to churn out 100 pages of screenplay during the month.
I don’t yet know if I’ll manage to do it – there’s a lot of stuff coming up over the next month what with one thing and another – but I’m going to give it a go. I had my reservations back in November about the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) but this time round it’s something I feel a bit better about having a go at it.
I won’t make any promises or guarantees about this right now – I had intended to have some plans and idea in place before the start of April about what’s going to happen and where it’s going to start/run/go, but I haven’t. We’ll see.
Well it’s New Year’s Eve, so it’s time for me to have a few thoughts and ideas for 2010.
As always, there’s a number of ideas and plans coming together at the moment, but whether they’ll all come into fruition or not is something only time will tell. But for now this is the list of what’s in my head, and we’ll see what happens. I’m trying to keep it down to four or five categories, just to simplify things a bit.
- Photography : I really want to make some progress on the photography side of things, work towards selling some bits if possible. I’ve got some contracted work to do for the charity I worked with a while back, and from there see what progresses.
- Writing : Again, I want to get to the point of having some stuff actually done and finished. I planned to do this in ’09, but that hasn’t worked out. There’s a few bits that have been started, but I need to finish at least a couple of them and work that way.
- Work : I’ve made the commitment to stay in the current job throughout 2010 – allbeit with the “unless everything turns to shit as a result” proviso – which will keep the bills being paid and me in general work. But I still want to get some of the outstanding projects and ideas into some version of reality.
- Social Life : Over the last couple of years (really since moving to Norfolk) I’ve been utterly shit on the social side of things. So I plan to spend some time getting back in touch with friends around the place, and seeing them etc.
- Money : For me, 2009 wasn’t a good year financially, and want to spend 2010 getting back into a place that I’m happy with. Currently I’m not happy with the situation for debt, and I want to get a significant dollop of all that paid off if at all possible.
And that’s it. There’ll be more detail over time, I’m sure – and there’s also stuff on the domestic side – but that’s the rough plan. It’ll do for now.
OK, so following on from yesterday’s post about what’s been done over the last year, this is the list (in no particular order) of the things I’d like to get sorted in 2009/10 as Part Four of the Five Year Plan…
- Mortgage renewal (carried over from last year – we did it, it fucked up, we couldn’t be arsed to keep on with it)
- Build up own business
- Design/Launch some of the sites I’ve got ideas for (I know, that’s an ongoing thing – but different sites/ideas this time, as always)
- Write more – I want to get at least one solid piece done. I failed in 2009, but it’s still a plan for 2010 instead. And if it fails then come this time next year I’ll try to do it as a NaNoWriMo thing, as promised already.
- Photograph more – again, I’ve got some ideas for big projects on this, I just need to get started on them.
- Lose more weight – I want to lose at least another stone in the next year, and ideally more. But a stone will be the target for now.
- Get to the gym more – something I’ve really slacked on this year
- Do some business planning, and figure out (to some degree at least) what the fuck I want to do next with my life.
- Get back in touch with (and visit) various friends I’ve been useless with for the last couple of years.
And that’s “it” for the year. There’s lots of sub-bits on pretty much all those main items, but that’s the plans so far as I can see.
I’ll probably write some more about them over the next couple of weeks, as I get clearer ideas. But for now, this’ll do.
