Aging

Posted: Mon 1 May, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Food, Getting Old(er), London, M1, Sociable | 1 Comment »

This weekend was one of my dafter ones in a while.

On Thursday I did my usual ‘site visit’ to the office where my primary client is based – which is about 100 miles drive each way. Makes for about four hours driving as well as most of a working day.  At the same time I’d somehow sort of knackered my foot – slightly swollen, almost like a gout attack but nowhere near toes. Odd, but nothing major.

Then Saturday was a trip down to London – a good lunch with friends first before going to the theatre in the evening and then home.  Again, 100 miles-ish driving each way, plus London transport and walking.  Got home about 1am, but didn’t get to sleep til after 3am.

Then Sunday was a trip up to York to meet another friend for more food and drinks. Entirely my own choices, and I’m blaming no-one, it’s just how it all worked out.  But another 100 miles each way, another 2 hours each way in the car, plus a shitload of walking.

So between Saturday morning and Sunday night I’d driven the entire length of the M1 (London to York).  Twice.  I’d walked just under 23Km over the two days, but it was the driving that took it out of me the most.  I got out of the car here and everything just hurt and pretty much shut down – indeed I ended up with a reaction like shock – shivering, cold and clammy, and not really all that functional.  It eased off, but I wonder if it was that sudden “everything hurts all at once” that dumped the body into a state of surprise and “What the hell’s happened there?”

It’s all been fine by today – aching legs and so on, but nowhere near as bad as last night – and I’ve spent the day doing Not Much, along with rehydrating.

But I think I might just have to admit to myself that I’m getting a bit older – and that eight hours of driving in 48 as well as a load of walking and general alcohol and idiocy is perhaps no longer as easy as I’ve usually found it.

Re-Identified

Posted: Mon 25 October, 2021 | Author: | Filed under: Customer Services, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Technology, Thoughts, Travel | Leave a comment »

For some reason, this year has involved renewing both of my primary forms of ID – a few months ago it was the passport that got done, and I’ve now had to do the driving licence as well.

In fairness, both processes have been pretty painless, and made much easier through technology – the passport had some issues with uploading a new photo (because I wear glasses, and photos without a reflection on the lenses is *difficult*) but it’s all involved a lot less hassle than one would expect.

The driving licence also pulls through the photo from the passport process (although the reverse doesn’t apply, weirdly) but it needed a lot more linked information than I expected – for example, why does my driving licence renewal require me to know/remember my NI Number? I’d already connected it to the passport system/number etc. for verification, so that seems like an unnecessary extra step, really.

Still, it’s all done, the new licence card arrived promptly – and well within the quoted two weeks – and the old one got cut in two and returned.

I now shouldn’t need a renewal on these things for another decade. How time flies, and all that!

Non-Emergency

Posted: Mon 20 September, 2021 | Author: | Filed under: Customer Services, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health, Introspective, Milton Keynes, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

Back in early 2021, I did something stupid to my knee – still no idea what – which I didn’t take overly seriously.  It was sore enough that I did use a knee brace – particularly overnight – but it didn’t incapacitate me or anything.

Anyway, it turns out that the brace is quite possibly the worst thing I could’ve done, as it allowed things to heal incorrectly and so on.

The knee still plays up – but it’s intermittent. When I first stand or move, it’s sore as fuck, but then it eases off. I’m still fully capable of walking miles on it, but it’ll hurt significantly the next day, or if I then stop and leave it in one position for a long time (for example, driving home from wherever)  Having talked to others with a similar thing, and doing some research, I think what I managed to do was a meniscal tear – basically ripping some of the meniscal membranes in my knee.  Ooops.

Honestly, it’s pretty certain now that there’s not going to be much I can do to improve it. It’s as healed as it’ll get.  But I’d like to get a proper diagnosis of it, in case I’m wrong – I’m only basing this so far on personal experience (of my own damage, and the stories of others) and Dr. Google/Wikipedia, so it’s quite possible that I could be wrong.

However, getting that diagnosis is proving problematic.  It’s not an urgent thing by any chalk, but that’s an issue. My GP surgery are still only taking bookings on the actual day, so it’s a free-for-all of calling in at 8:30 in the morning in order to get a slot that day.  And honestly, I feel guilty at that point about trying to get a slot that could be better used by someone with, you know, something actually important/urgent.

It really is a massively fuckwitted plan. I don’t understand why they can’t do it so that at least one of the GPs in the practice is doing non-urgent bookings for even one day a week.  (Or balance the load and have a rota of who does a non-urgent day, or even week as a break from the urgent daily shit)

As it is, in this case I don’t honestly know that the GP would even be the best thing – all they’re likely to do is say “Oh, that’ll need an X-Ray/MRI” and refer it to the local(ish) hospital anyway.  So maybe it’d be better to go direct to what used to be the “Minor Injuries” clinic, so I can get a scan straight away. But “Minor Injuries” is now somehow “Urgent Care” (which is somehow different to “Accident and Emergency”) and that has the same effect on me – it’s non-urgent, and there are people way more in need of treatment than I am.

I’ll get round to it in the end, I’m sure. But in the meantime it’s a situation that is utter, utter bollocks.

Healthy Figures

Posted: Mon 29 June, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Food, Getting Old(er), Health, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Weight Loss | Leave a comment »

I said a while ago that I’d write this, and then never got round to it.  (I also thought I’d written it before, but a couple of searches didn’t find anything. Which is odd.)

Anyway. Back at the start of 2018, I did my semi-regular checkup visit at the local GP, which all worked out as “fairly healthy in general“. As usual, the main ‘problem’ was that I’m significantly heavier than I “should” be. So I asked for help from the GP, asked what they could do or suggest. And the response? “Oh, you’re not obese enough to get NHS treatment“.  Well OK, that’s about as helpful as a kick in the cock.

So, being me, I pushed for some referrals – I already wanted to lose weight, but that kind of attitude really steamed my piss, and I wanted to get some better figures and find out more about what was going on.  I’ve been logging my food intake for years now, and also keeping track of what I walk and so on, so I knew beforehand that my usual calorie intake was around the recommended 2,500 a day mark (albeit with some days/weekends of excess) and I walk an average of at least 10,000 steps a day.

First, I got a referral to Slimming World – and the less said about that, the better. An unremittingly negative and unhelpful experience all round.

I also got a referral to the Dietician service at Bedford Hospital, which wasn’t much more positive, but did end up with some good connections and results.

With the service, we tried a set of calorie-reduction diet plans, none of which worked. However, through it I also got a connection to the Uni of Beds’ Sport Science department, where I was able to (finally) get one of the tests done that I really wanted – an RMR (Resting Metabolic Rate) test, to establish what level of energy I’m actually burning. RMR is basically a measure of the calories the body burns if it’s simply laying in bed doing nothing. No food intake, no exertion at all. It took about an hour to run from start to finish, and then a couple of weeks to crunch the data and produce a report.

So. My RMR is 2,800 calories a day – even if I just laid in bed and did sod all, I’d need more calories than the recommended 2,500 a day. Taking into account calories for digestion, as well as exertion, It’s likely I’m burning around 4,000 a day. (As it turns out, I did write about BMR/RMR – ten years ago!)

On the downside, this information never really sank in with the Dietician. They kept on insisting that eating less had to result in losing weight. And in all honesty, it should – but didn’t.  Looking at the figures, I’m already taking in less than I’m expending, and dropping the intake simply widened the gap even further.  All it did was leave me even more tired, and seriously grouchy.

It ended up with a bit of an argument as my sense of humour finally failed, I wrote a full bulleted list of what was happening (with all the information from above) and why I suspected things weren’t working.  That actually finished things fairly positively, although they didn’t have any better suggestions once we were outside the standard answers.

Also along the way, I ended up joining a local group called “Gutless” for overweight men. It consisted of two hours a week, one of food education, and one of physical exercise and workouts. For me, I didn’t learn much from the food education, but the training was positive, and started me doing more than I had. And since the Gutless course finished, we’ve maintained the exercise routine with the same trainer, which has also remained positive.

All told, I feel happier with how things are – if nothing else, my health record contains the whole list of things tried from the Dietician, and the RMR figures from the Uni of Beds. It means that when the GP tries their “you’re overweight” thing again, they can see what’s been tried.

However, I don’t really know what the answer is. My food intake has stayed much the same (and some of those weekends of excess actually make me lose weight) and I do more, with the extra workouts twice a week, and the archery I’ve recently re-taken up as well as maintaining the walking I do. I’m far, far stronger than I was, my shape is better, my stamina is fearsome, and I feel far healthier – but somehow, my weight hasn’t actually changed in a good decade, no matter what I do.

I’d like to lose more some – it’s just that still, everything I try isn’t working.  I think that at some point I’ll have to go back and get more data and ideas, but really I don’t yet even know the right questions to ask.

I’ll figure it out one day, I’m sure.

Lockdown – Error #1

Posted: Wed 29 April, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Lockdown, Single Life, Thoughts | 1 Comment »

This week – week seven of Lockdown, in case anyone is counting or cares – I learned something really important.

Hair clipper grades are not the length of hair in mm.

So this week, when I decided I’d had enough of my hair being too long (by my standards) I got my new clippers out, and put on the blade that would do a 2mm length. Because that’s a Number Two, right?

Wrong.  So, so wrong.

It turns out, each grade is 1/8th of an inch, so a Number One results in hair 1/8th of an inch long, a Number Two in quarter-inch hair (about 6, 6.5mm) and so on up to Number Eight, which is a full inch long.

So currently my hair is just under a third of the length it would usually be after a trim. It looks and feels like a kiwi-fruit. (However, it’s also lost the silver halo that was developing, andlosing that’s A Very Good Thing)

As it is, I really don’t mind it. I’ve done a decent enough job of trimming it, it’s smooth enough with no tufts, and I won’t have to do it again for a while.  It’s not the same as going to the barber, and it’s not something I’m going to end up doing for myself for ever.  (Besides, I actually like going to my barber)

All the same, I’ve had a learning experience, and I’ll know better next time.

 

A Quieter January

Posted: Sun 26 January, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: 2019/20, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health | Leave a comment »

Back in December I said about planning to have things being quieter and calmer in 2020, and I’m working on it. But it’s decidedly odd in some ways.

Each weekend of January has had a day “off”, where I’m not doing as much.  I usually prefer to at least get out and do something (even if, like today, ‘something’ is just going to the cinema to see stuff) but there’ve even been a couple where I didn’t leave the house – and they definitely felt weird.

It’s actually something that is – for me – very hard to do. It’s taking time to think of it as being “OK” to have days like these.  What makes it harder is that I’m physically used to being out and doing stuff – the days of doing Not Much actually leave me feeling achy, tired and grouchy. I honestly don’t yet know how long it’ll take for that to stop happening, or at least get easier.

I’m still working on it though. February is currently planned to be similar – I’ve only got one weekend where there are things booked for both days. So we’ll see how things have progressed in that time, and whether I’m doing better on Not Much days than I currently am…

Into 2020

Posted: Sat 4 January, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Change, Domestic, Driving, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Looking Back, Milton Keynes, Norfolk, People, Rebuilding, Single Life, Thoughts, Time | Leave a comment »

It’s been interesting (for no good reason other than that this is a year that ends in a zero) to look back at what was going on this time ten years ago.

It’s fair to say that a lot has changed in that time – albeit none of it recently.

Back then I was still in Norfolk, and working in Bury St Edmunds (and I did keep the promise to stick with the one workplace for the full year of 2010…)  I’d just had the first (and still only) accident of my driving career, sliding on ice onto a set of concrete fence posts, which did a blinding job of twatting the front nearside.

So in that ten years, I’ve

  • split with Herself, had another shorter-term relationship, and been single now for much longer than either one.
  • moved four times – and been in one place (the current one) for far longer than anywhere else I’ve ever lived since leaving home
  • changed jobs more times than I care to think about (I could work it out, but truly can’t be chuffed) and been doing the current one for far longer than I ever expected
  • been through the whole bankruptcy process, and come out the other side
  • been to more plays and theatre things than I’d ever have thought I’d have been to
  • and the same for restaurants – Michelin-starred and otherwise. This time ten years ago, I’d not been to any Michelin places – that happened in mid-2010, and I wasn’t impressed at the time. Maybe I should go back there, maybe not.
  • changed car twice, and rented a bundle of others as needs directed

There’s a lot of other stuff – it’s interesting to see how a lot of the things I wanted to change then that I still want to change now, for example – and I’ll write more about that elsewhere/elsewhen.

It’s a whole new decade out there (and I can’t be arsed with the argument about whether that’s 2020 or 2021, so don’t bother) and it’ll be interesting to see what happens next.

2019/20 – Doing Less – Plans

Posted: Fri 27 December, 2019 | Author: | Filed under: 2019/20, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

In the comments on the post about doing less, Gordon said

For your ‘busy’ do you get anxious when the calendar is empty, do you just like having ‘a plan’? Would it work if you planned an afternoon of deliberately doing nothing? (the challenge being to stick to it?)

It’s a bit more – and less – complicated than that.

I don’t need a full plan of “I’ll do [x], then [y], then [z]” for either a day or a weekend.  In general I’m happy with an outline idea, even if it’s just “I’ll go to London” or whatever.

However, I do like having at least that idea. A blank space in the calendar is an oddity, and it does leave me feeling uncomfortable.

The other side of it is that my time off is precious to me, my weekends are important. I make sure that I do all my domestic stuff during the week, I refuse to spend half of those important two days doing cleaning, laundry, shopping and so on. They’re my own days, and if I do nothing with them, I feel they’ve been wasted.

So long as I do *something* with them, I’m OK. And even ‘just’ spending a day at the cinema catching up on films counts as “doing something”, so my criteria are quite low on that basis.

It’s that balance I need to find, somewhere between going out – day trips and time away, seeing friends, that kind of thing – and just doing enough to appease my work ethic. I also probably should find a way to be able to class days of doing nothing as also somehow counting as doing something.

It’s not an easy balance to find, and I’m not quite sure how I’ll get it right, but I think it’s time to at least try…

Equinoctual

Posted: Mon 23 September, 2019 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Thoughts, Time | Leave a comment »

Today is the Autumn Equinox, when the day and night are equal in length.

What that means is the from now until next March, the nights will be longer than the days.

Winter is coming, my friends, winter is coming

Nasturtia

Posted: Tue 13 November, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Food, Getting Old(er), Health, Single Life, Solo Dining, Thoughts, Travel | 2 Comments »

So far this week, I have been Unwell.  It was very similar to the episode in February where I was also spectacularly Unwell – thankfully this time wasn’t as bad, but it’s still been no fun.  Well, I say it’s been better, whereas actually it’s been just as nasty, but in different ways – and I’ve been more prepared this time to deal with the warning signs early.

In February I wasn’t sure what had caused it – I’d had a meal at a (now closed) Michelin-starred restaurant, and was pretty certain that it wasn’t food-poisoning in any way that I recognised.  This weekend was the same, no real idea of causation – although I’d had another couple of spectacular meals in the preceding days.

However, there’s only been a couple of common ingredients through the various meals, and with the whole set of symptoms being so similar, they’re what I’m looking at in particular.  (And this is also where it’s really useful to have taken photos of the stuff I’ve eaten, to be able to use them for reference on stuff like this)

The conclusion I’m being drawn to is that I have a *really* unpleasant reaction to either nasturtiums or marigolds. It takes about 24-36 hours to kick in, and then yeah, no fun at all.  In the case of this week, the lunch I had in Manchester on Saturday was very heavy in nasturtium garnishes, and I think that’s what triggered everything.  And looking at WebMD (via a Google search) I found that nasturtium can cause stomach upsets (look in the “side effects” tab) – which is one nice term for what’s affected me on both occasions.

I may at some point decide to experiment a bit, by trying another meal with nasturtium garnishes and see if the results are the same – but it’s not something I’m going to be eager to do.

In the meantime, it’s not an allergic reaction – and I’ll never be dramatic enough as to claim it as one – but at the same time I think it’s going to be something I might need to start mentioning to restaurants when I book in. Which sucks, but when all’s said and done, it could be a lot worse.  And at least I’ve now got a fairly good idea of what’s going on.

Friendship Gap

Posted: Wed 31 January, 2018 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Single Life, Thoughts, Weirdness | Leave a comment »

Something odd occurred to me the other day, and it’s been bouncing round my skull a bit since.

Basically, it’s pretty simple – I realised that I don’t have any real friends or connections still in my life from the time I was with Herself, or her successor. Nothing. It’s like there’s this eight year hiatus, from 2004 through to 2012.

Plenty from before 2004, plenty from after 2012.  Just a complete blind-spot over those years.  In some ways it’s like they simply never happened.

I find I feel like that with a lot of the stuff that went on – a lot happened, a lot changed, and by the end of it, there were very few positive memories at all.

Of course, hindsight has shown that period proved to have some massive mistakes in it – but at the same time, it looks now like I sort of knew that even while they were going on, even while they were good (or at least OK) I wasn’t leaving any anchors or connections to it all.

What annoys me most is that I don’t quite know why or how that happened.

2017/18 – What’s Next? The Coming Year

Posted: Sun 5 November, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: 2017/18, Bankruptcy, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health, Own Business, Rebuilding, Thoughts, Work-related, Writing | Leave a comment »

As is traditional round these D4D parts, I lay out my hopes and/or plans for the coming year on my birthday. Like New Year’s Resolutions (and as likely to be completed, it seems) but on a different arbitrary date. Because why not? It’s as good a day as any.

That list for last year (2016/17) wasn’t massively successful, mainly due to my inability to get out less, so I’m hoping to be slightly more realistic this year…

So, the plan for the coming year is…

  1. Keep rebuilding the finances, adding to savings and so on.
    By the end of this year, I’ll have completed the whole bankruptcy process, and it should be off my credit history. (As I understand it. Some people have said it only comes off at six years from the end of the bankruptcy period, which’d make it September 2019. We’ll see)
  2. Exercise more, lose weight, improve health
    Another ongoing process, carried over from 2016/17
  3. Complete September’s walking marathon
    This imploded epically in 2017, so it’s another carry-over.  And this year I’ll do some more training, and not destroy my feet four weeks before it…
  4. Write more
    Actually complete some stuff, and see what to do with it from there.
    I’ve also got some tech answers to this, giving me more time and space for writing (I hope)
  5. Do less
    I’ve written about this before, but I am *really* bad at doing nothing. Lazy days do my head in, and I end up feeling stupidly guilty about “wasting” a day.  But conversely, I’m acknowledging that I do need downtime for other things. So I need this as a reminder.
  6. Business ideas
    Look at completing some of the business ideas and plans, and see what I can do with them from there.

And for now, that’s it.  I’m hoping it’ll be a bit more successful than last year’s list!

2016/17 – What Happened ?

Posted: Sat 4 November, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: 2016/17, Bankruptcy, D4D™, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Food, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health, Introspective, Rebuilding, Single Life, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

So, a year ago I listed the following as the plans for 2016/17…

  1. Continue rebuilding the finances, and keep boosting the savings
  2. Exercise, improve health, lose weight
  3. Complete September’s walking marathon – ideally in under seven hours. (My target is more ambitious than that, but I’ll be happy with 7 hours)
  4. Write more. (And ideally complete/publish some)
  5. Do more of the ideas around my own business
  6. Get out less.  Ideally, some kind of middle-ground between being ultra-quiet/sensible, and the idiocy of the last year
  7. Look more at some political ideas, and see how that goes. (This one’s the random ‘maybe’ one, I don’t know if anything will happen with it or not)

How did it go?

  1. Finances : Yeah, not bad.  Not at the totals I wanted to be at (which is a familiar theme) but I did what I wanted to, so I’m happy with that one
  2. Health : Less so. I haven’t gained any weight, but nor have I lost much. Good intentions have been undermined by an utter failure on Number 6, and life getting in the way of things
  3. Walking Marathon : Failed utterly, as I’ve wittered about at length.  But I’m already signed up for the 2018 one…
  4. Write more : Failed utterly. There are ideas, but as with Health, I’ve been abysmal at doing less, so yeah. Bugger.
  5. Own Business : Kinda. I’ve written out more of the plans, got some ideas in code, and been looking at other stuff. But actually done? Nope.
  6. Get Out Less : Also an utter failure.  I’ve been out loads, and in many ways have kept even busier than I did in 2015/16 – less Michelin-starred restaurants, but more things
  7. Politics : Looked at the ideas, but in the current political climate of Brexit and so on, getting involved on that score strikes me as…. less than wise.

So what’s on the list for 2017/18? Well, we’ll cover that tomorrow…

Dragging

Posted: Fri 3 November, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Animals, Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, SAD, Single Life, Thoughts, Time, Travel, Work-related | Leave a comment »

This week is always a tough one for me – I find that more and more, my body is really messed up by the changing of the clocks. It leaves me slightly disoriented, particularly because daylight levels have suddenly changed according to the clock. For example, last week I was getting up in the dark to be ready for work, but evenings still had some light to them.  Now, arbitrarily on one day, it’s changed so that I’m rising and going to work with daylight, but that the evenings are darker much ‘sooner’.

Because of the Seasonal Depression I get anyway, I know that my brain is aware of light levels and so on, but it’s always interesting to see what affects it. It’s not fun while I’m in that change, but it’s still interesting to see it.

All told it leaves me just out of kilter, more tired than usual, and just that nagging feeling that Something Is Not Right.  It eases off – it usually takes about a week to do so, so we’re nearly there now – but it’s a tough week of being tired, demotivated, and slightly crankier than usual.

And of course it’s not helped by also a ) being very close to my birthday, and b ) having been another busy week or so. I was away last weekend, I’ve been out most evenings this week, and then it’s busy this weekend as well, although I’ll at least be home in the evenings/nights.  Being out so much also means that the cats decide I’m leaving or something, and get extra clingy and annoying while I’m home – which also doesn’t improve my mood or temper. I’m not good at being In Demand – and particularly not at being In Demand And Shouted At – but there we go, that’s what this week has entailed.

It’ll all ease off again, I know.  It just means that this week post-clock-change is a beast.

Heated

Posted: Fri 23 June, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Insomnia, Thoughts, Weather | Leave a comment »

As I wrote about the other day – and as just about anyone in the UK already knows – this week has included the warmest June day in at least forty years, with Wednesday hitting 34.5°C (94°F) . As always, I know that people in other countries will be pissing themselves laughing at the way we’re unable to cope with temperatures at extremes (or at least what the UK sees as extremes)  but that’s because for us they are extremes – and as such, we simply don’t have the infrastructure to cope with them.

We get hot periods during the summer, but we’ve not been this hot since 1976.  So we don’t bother with air-conditioning in houses, or anything to deal with things like train rails expanding, tarmac melting etc. – because it only happens for small occasional periods, instead of months every year.   It’s the same in Winter, if we end up with serious (for us) snow or freezing conditions – they don’t happen often, so we don’t invest in snowploughs, or underground systems like places that have deep snow for weeks and months on end.

Personally, I don’t mind warm (and even hot) days – but I hate hot nights.  The other part of this week’s heat has been that there’s little to no breeze, so it’s been stifling and claggy at night, which makes it (for me) massively unpleasant. Indeed, on Wednesday night I even ended up giving up and going to sleep out in the garden instead, which helped a bit – although also resulted in interrupted sleep because of the cats.

In that context, it’s all made for what feels like a really long week…

Changeable

Posted: Sat 11 March, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Business, Domestic, Films, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Seeing Films, Sociable, Stupidity, Theatre, Travel, Work-related | 1 Comment »

The last couple of weeks – and the coming one – have been… chaotic, to say the least.  I’m used to this in general, but it’s felt like it’s been even more frenetic than usual this month, and there’ve been a lot of contributory factors that have all conspired to make it so.

Work-wise, I’ve been ending up on-site at least twice a week, rather than the usual one day a week, and that’s just disturbed things a bit. Usually I can take my work laptop on-site on a Monday, and then leave it in my own office for the rest of the week, rather than constantly lugging it around.  This month though it’s been on-site, in-office, on-site, in-office etc. etc.

Around the work stuff, there’s been a lot of other bits going on, with stuff in London on some evenings, as well as other social stuff and going to the cinema.  And it all adds up.

For example, this week has involved…

  • Monday – on site
  • Tuesday – working from home, then going to London to Mere in the evening.
  • Wednesday – in office
  • Thursday – on site, then seeing Kong: Skull Island in the evening
  • Friday – in office
  • And then just my usual idiocy in the coming weekend, another trip to London to see friends, and a social-and-food even locally on Sunday

Next week is no different really, including two London trips to the theatre, as well as all the usual work. I’m vaguely hopeful that I won’t be on-site more than once, but I’ll only find that out during the week.

Once next week is done, I’m hoping that things will be a bit quieter again. That’s certainly the plan – if nothing else, I need some downtime – but we’ll see how it goes.  In fairness, I can handle the multiple days on-site or I can handle the other stuff – it’s just when it’s both things at once that it gets somewhat harder to deal with.

A Decade

Posted: Wed 22 February, 2017 | Author: | Filed under: Change, D4D™, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Thoughts, Time | Leave a comment »

For a number of reasons, I’ve been thinking a lot about time past, so I had a look back at what was going on here ten years ago.

Man, there’s been a lot of change in that time.

Back then, I was newly in Norfolk, living with Herself (and Hound and Psycho Cat, of course), still in the rented place and in the process of buying the Norfolk place. Working in Cambridge, and generally settled for the time.

How time flies, and all that piss.  Food for thought, etc etc

Restorative

Posted: Tue 22 November, 2016 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health, Thoughts, Travel | Leave a comment »

Looking back over the weekend, and the twatted ankle, I do find it interesting that whatever I’m doing (or have done) to myself, I still appear to be lucky enough and healthy enough to repair and heal pretty quickly.

Considering that I fit with no-one’s image of a fit person, and that I’m also capable of doing 13-15 mile walks in a day with no further ill effects, that all makes me a lot happier than it maybe should.

Of course, if I were less of an idiot, and more open to allowing small injuries/damage to put a stop to plans, I’d probably heal up even quicker, but that’s not likely to happen any time soon.

Maybe it’ll change as I get older, but for now, I’m pretty content with how things stand.

 

Reduced Insomnia

Posted: Mon 3 October, 2016 | Author: | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Business, Change, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Insomnia, Rebuilding, The Future, Thoughts, Travel | 2 Comments »

During the week in Cornwall, I slept better than I have in absolutely years – to the tune of about 2 hours more sleep per night. It’s the first time since I started recording my sleep times with the Fitbit that I’ve had more than four hours in a night – and it happened all week.

So, it looks like the possible cure (or at least improvement) in my insomnia is :

  • Move to Cornwall (or somewhere with equally remote areas)
  • Walk at least six miles a day
  • Sleep in a house miles from anywhere, in absolute pitch-black darkness and silence.

At the moment, none of that is massively feasible. But in the future, it may well be. I need to look at how things work, what I do and what I want to do, and how to get to where that kind of plan might be possible.

So, that’ll be fun.

Automagic

Posted: Fri 3 June, 2016 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, M1, Thoughts, Travel | Leave a comment »

I’ve got another weekend of driving ahead of me, and because I’m still not 100% confident in the Saab, I’ve rented one again for the weekend.

This time, for variety’s sake, I went for an automatic – no idea what type yet, but automatic.

I haven’t driven autos that much – I rented one back when I was in Norfolk, which I wasn’t massively impressed with – so figure I might as well get some more experience with them, and see how it goes on a weekend that involves a fair number of motorway miles.

Part of my thinking is that (assuming I don’t mind it) it’s something that I may consider in the next car, because I seem to drive primarily on motorways, and in traffic jams- occasionally at the same time.  I’ve noticed that, when I’ve had a really bad day of slow-moving traffic or city stuff, it can make my legs hurt, purely from just using the clutch all the time, so it’s something to consider, at least.

I’ll write more next week, once I’ve done a bundle of driving in it. One things for sure though – it’s going to be interesting.

Slowdown

Posted: Mon 7 December, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Health, M1 | Leave a comment »

Having had an utterly chaotic and busy three months – I’ve covered 1,500 miles just in the last month – things are finally calming down.

This weekend spent in Manchester was my last full weekend away ’til mid-February, although I still have a number of things booked in for days, and a couple of busy weekends doing lots of stuff, at least I’ll be back home in between for each one.

This is definitely A Good Thing.

 

Shoe Issues

Posted: Mon 24 August, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health, Milton Keynes, Stupidity | Leave a comment »

Since doing the 10km walk for Marie Curie, my feet have been having some issues, which have been no fun.

In the preparation for the walk, my feet had gained some hard skin areas, which – like a twat – I’d picked apart. To stop them from hurting or getting worse on the walk, I put on a couple of blister plasters – whose glue melted off during the walk, and actually caused the blisters I ended up with. Oops.

The blisters cleared up and healed quickly, but left some weaker spots of skin, which have then been a bit of an issue.

Basically, the Cat boots I’ve had this year haven’t been anywhere near as good as usual, and the lining had dissolved in places – again, causing blisters in the bits that rubbed, and those weaker spots of skin.  Because I’d bought them from Schuh, I was able to take them back to the store, and they’ve exchanged them for a new pair without question – which is pretty stunning customer service, in my opinion.  However, because they’d died, I had worn an older pair for the day – and that exacerbated the problem tenfold.

Because I’m an idiot – so I’d walked a lot in those old, old boots, with their worse wear. I didn’t think anything of it ’til the end of the day, when I got home – at which point I had blood-filled blisters on blisters.  Pretty skanky, and very sore.  As a result, yesterday I spent the day doing amazingly little, and just giving my feet some recovery time. Which seems to have been a fairly good plan, all things considered. I didn’t even do half my normal walking for the day – which I feel bad about, but at least it was for a vaguely good reason.

All this has been within a couple of weeks – it’ll all heal, but it’s been a painful time because of my own stupidity (and some ropy build quality along the way).

So really this post is just a reminder to future me to not be such a fucking idiot, and to take more damn care of my own feet.

And that’s it.

Where There’s A Will

Posted: Tue 28 July, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Charm School, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Legal, News, People, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

In the news today, there’s a lot going on about the person who’s managed to get her mother’s will overturned, and thus inherit a third of the money from it, despite the mother’s written explanation of why she didn’t want her daughter to get anything.

Personally, I find this kind of thing deeply unpleasant – not least for the greed it shows, and the all-round contempt for final wishes in this case. I think if a will has been made out with certain intent and intentions, that’s what should happen.

As it is, in this case the person is going to use the proceeds (although what’ll be left after legal costs is another question) to purchase their house from the local authority, which appears to have ‘always been what was intended’.

And – again, personally – that’s what drives me crackers, that expectation of (and reliance on) inheriting money, and even making plans for the money that will come when parents die. I’ve known a few people of similar mindsets over the years, and it always leaves me cold, that whole “Well, when they’ve died we’ll be able to [x]” attitude. It’s just unpleasant.

I know parents die – it’s a logical assumption that they will do so.  But counting down the days ’til it happens, effectively looking forward to them dying, that’s just wrong. (Again, and as always, in my opinion)

As and when my folks go, I would hope that their will says “We’ve spent the lot, and anything else can go to the cats home”. I’d be fine with that – and you can be damn sure I wouldn’t be fighting through the courts because it was “unfair”.

 

Grrrr, People. They really do piss me off sometimes.

Reintegrating

Posted: Tue 23 June, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Insomnia, Introspective, People, Thoughts, Work-related | Leave a comment »

By the time my contract comes to its (current) end date, I’ll have been ‘working from home’ for nine months, with only one day a week in the office.  It’s fair to say I’m getting pretty used to that kind of state of affairs, where I don’t have to deal with loads of idiot colleagues all day every working day.

So I’m already wondering what’ll happen when it comes to The Next Job, which will – pretty much certainly – involve being back on-site five days a week.   It’s going to be interesting, for sure.

It’s fair to say that I’ve already become very used to working on my own schedule and workload, and it suits me nicely. Even better, I don’t also have to hear the inane banter and chatter of other people, particularly about things I’ve no interest in – soap operas, X-factor, Big Brother and the like – or fuckwitted opinions with no basis in anything like reality.  I’ve become more acclimated to peaceful offices where I can have a radio on if I want (or not) and that’s about it.  I’m less stressed because of it, and generally less ratty. (And if I could then sort out my sleep patterns, all would be rosy in the world)

In short, it turns out to have suited my personality quite well.

As a result, I may end up focusing more on further jobs where ‘working from home’ is the primary – but there’s no guarantee that they’ll happen, or come up in a timely manner.  As always with my stuff, I’ll take whatever gets offered first, and work from there.

In honesty, I can’t say I’m looking forward to any return to full-on office-based work, but it’s something I’ll face up to as and when it happens.

Sleeping Places

Posted: Mon 22 June, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Change, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Insomnia, Thoughts, Weirdness | 4 Comments »

Following on from the insomnia attacks of late, I’ve also been thinking a lot about the things that do work for me when it comes to sleep.

Because I’ve also been doing a lot of travelling and visiting, it’s given me a wide range of reference points, which always makes things more interesting.

One oddity I have noticed is that I seem to sleep better on sofas than I do in bed.  It’s strange, but true.  I’ve also had a few occasions of coming home in the afternoon and getting a nap on my own sofa, but that’s more for catch-ups when they’re absolutely needed, rather than becoming a routine.

It’s been true for a long time though – certainly right back to the Norfolk house, where I’d sleep on the sofa-bed when we had bad weather and I had to take Hound in to the smaller bedroom to stop her being an arse.  When I think about it, it’s also applied a lot of times over the years, when going to see friends and so on, and preferring to crash on sofas rather than spare beds.

As a result, I’m doing a lot of thinking about whether I change my bedroom and bed, investing instead in a decent sofa-bed.  It’s food for thought at the moment, but not going to be a change I make quickly. After all, if I make the change and don’t sleep any better, then it’s been a loss/waste of a bed and so on.

It may be that I leave it until I move house again – which is something that’s on the agenda, but not any time imminently. That’ll definitely be to a bigger place – hell, it’d be a challenge to find anywhere smaller – so I can look at it seriously at that point.

I’ll think about it more – there’s other factors in that kind of decision-  but we’ll see where things go, I think.

 

Insomniac

Posted: Sun 21 June, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Insomnia, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

While life’s been busy over the last few months, it’s also been a rotten period for my insomnia.

Well, the insomnia’s been doing really well – it’s just that what’s good for insomnia is (by definition) fucking bollocks for my sleep. So I’m knackered, and have been for a fair while now.

Obviously it varies – and to a degree I’m used to rotten sleep – but it’s been pretty cruddy of late, even by my own standards.  I’m used to – and pretty much fine with – around 4 hours a night, and can even get by for a while on 3 a night.  But recently I’ve been lucky to get two.

This, from last night, is the best night I’ve had in ages…

SleepTimes

Frankly, that’s just messed up.

The thing is, no matter what goes on, nothing changes it significantly. I can go to bed early, I can go to bed late. I can drink coffee and diet coke, or I can cut out caffeine – either from sometime during the day, or completely. Eating early, eating late. Reading, not reading. Temperature, clothing, bedding (i.e. on the quilt or under it) – i’ve tried changing all of those things.

And none of it affects whether I sleep badly or not. When it was really bad a while back, I cut out caffeine totally for a couple of weeks. Even by the end of that period, I was sleeping even worse than usual.

All told, it’s just a pain in the bits. I’m hoping it’ll settle a bit more now, but well, we’ll see.

Three Years In One Place

Posted: Tue 5 May, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Day Trips, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, Single Life, Thoughts, Time, Travel | Leave a comment »

It’s now three years since I moved into the current house – which also means I’ve been single that long.  How time flies, and all that rot.

I’m definitely still here for another six months (that’s when the current tenancy expires) and I’m still undecided on what I do from there.

I suspect I’ll stick with it for another year’s tenancy, to be honest – unless anything in life changes radically in that period.  That’s quite scary in some ways, it’s almost like I’m feeling more settled and (almost) putting down some roots.

That’s not the case though – the current place isn’t where I want to stay longer-term, but at the moment it’s just convenient, and – as I’ve said before – makes travelling easy to just about anywhere else.

Exercise More, Feel Worse

Posted: Wed 25 February, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: 2014/15, Cynicism, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Health, Sweary, Weigh Less, Weight Loss | Leave a comment »

The last few days have been somewhat sore.

As I’ve said before, I’ve been doing more walking with the new office location etc. Despite that (or, in my cynicism, because of it) on Saturday my back wrenched. Simply bending over to pick up a pen, and pop, gone. Ow, Ow, Fucking Ow.

It’s not as bad as it could’ve been – but is still bloody sore. Oddly, a decent walk seems to help loosen things, but the first bit of that walk hurts like fuck.

And things could be worse. I could have a cold/cough, that wracks the spine every time it happens.

Oh yes, I’ve got that too.  Thanks life, health, and general body stuff. You unutterable bastard.

Hopefully it’ll all wear off before too long. In the meantime, safe to say that I feel like shit.

In the meantime, this losing weight and getting healthy (or at least healthier) crap isn’t all it’s knocked up to be, I tell you.

A Measured Year

Posted: Sun 1 February, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Health, Weigh Less, Weight Loss | 2 Comments »

Oddly enough, while I was writing about the new Fitbit ChargeHR, I got an email from Fitbit about my activities of the last 12 months.

According to them (and who am I to argue?) in the last twelve months I’ve walked a total of 873 miles, through 1,763,045 steps.  That’s not bad, for someone who didn’t/doesn’t get out as much as I should…

That adds up to an average of just under 2½ miles walked every day, just over 4,800 steps a day.

OK, it’s not the recommended 10,000 steps a day – but that wasn’t really my goal in the first year (or possibly even the second).  However you look at it, 10,000 steps is a lot, coming in at around 6 miles a day.  But it is better than I did the previous year (due to being more aware of it, and more determined to get out more) and I’m happy with where it’s at.  I know plenty of others will say “Is that all?”, but that’s fine too – it gives me plenty of options.

So I’m happy – and it’s also good to know those details, rather than just thinking I’ve walked more etc. And this year’s target will be to comfortably beat those totals. Maybe 1,000 miles in a year? Who knows.

 

Fitbit ChargeHR

Posted: Sat 31 January, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health, Technology, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Weight Loss | Leave a comment »

Over the last year or so, I’ve been using the FitBit Flex wristband to keep track of my daily steps, sleep statistics and so on.  I’ve been generally impressed with its ease of use and so on, as well as the integration/communication with the FitBit App.

As it worked out, the only thing I wasn’t too impressed with was the strap itself – in that year-ish, I got through two straps, and had just ordered a replacement for the second. That’s not ideal, and is something of a design flaw. (I’ve let them know about it, so we’ll see what happens)

At the time I got it, I was a bit annoyed by a perceived lack of functionality within the Flex, so I was interested to see that they’ve released some more wearable things with more functionality – the Charge, ChargeHR and Surge (which is almost a smart-watch in its own right) – and I ended up getting a new ChargeHR.

Because I’m exercising more and so on, I was wanting a device to track heart-rate and so on as well, and the ChargeHR does that. I don’t need the full functionality of the Surge (plus I didn’t want to be taking myself up to that price point) but this one does pretty much what I want, particularly in combination with the phone.

The strap on this is a bit more obtrusive than that of the Flex – I can feel it as I’m typing this, for example – but all told I’m so far impressed with the device. And it has some of the extra things I wrote about a year back – and the Surge has built-in GPS as well, which was another.

It’s interesting seeing how these devices improve over time. It’d still be nice to see more innovation, but at least they’re doing more, and still maintaining a decent battery life and so on.

I’ve only had it a couple of days so far, but will probably write more about the ChargeHR in a couple of months’ time, as I’m more used to it.

What Kind Of Year Will It Be?

Posted: Thu 1 January, 2015 | Author: | Filed under: 2014/15, 2015/16, Business, Creativity, D4D™, Domestic, Finances, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Photography, Resolutions, Sociable, Thoughts, Travel, Weigh Less, Work-related, Write More, Writing | 1 Comment »

As regular readers know, I don’t really do New Year’s Resolutions. It’s partly my knee-jerk response to the whole “Everyone else is doing it” ethos, which means I won’t. But also New Year is just an arbitrary day for making plans – and I tend to do it from birthday to birthday, for no better reason than that it’s an easy day to remember as a start/finish date.

Anyway, with that said I do have plans for 2015. Sometimes plans work better on a calendar year instead of birthday-to-birthday – although there’s also a couple of ideas and plans this time that would also work better to a fiscal year, April to March. But for the sake of argument I’ll stick (for now) to my usual resolution/plan structure, while also acknowledging the whole 2015 thing.

What I won’t do is go into reams of details – I know what I want to do, and I’ve got most of it written down in to-do lists and the like – but it can all be summed up in four key points, which can be summarised as:

  • Create More – includes writing, photography, and web-based work/business plans
  • Do More – includes activities, day trips, longer weekends, and perhaps even a holiday or two.
  • Save More – working to rebuild finances, build up some backup savings, and restore the credit score.
  • Weigh Less – the goal is to lose another two stone in 2015, which is what I also lost in 2014. So it’s feasible.

And that’s “it”. Obviously there’s details, sub-plans and sub-goals in there as well, but they’re the key points. They’ll do me for now.

I’m hoping that 2015 will continue in the positive direction that started in the last quarter of 2014.  I’m quite sure there’ll be some hiccoughs and roadbumps along the way – that’s realism rather than cynicism, my life is never a truly smooth process – but with any luck at all it’ll be a positive year, and lots will get done.

And if not, if things go wrong, then I’ll just do what I can, and keep on in the same way as I had to with 2014.

But I do hope that 2015 is positive and constructive. That’s the intention, at least. But we’ll see.

43

Posted: Wed 5 November, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 2013/14, 2014/15, 42-43, D4D™, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health, Own Business, Project 42, Weight Loss, Work-related, Writing | Leave a comment »

Today, I is forty-bloody-three. It doesn’t seem like a year ago I was forty-bloody-two, but there we go. Time flies when you’re having fun. (Or dashing around trying to avoid a shower of shit. Either way)

I’ve looked back to what I wrote this time last year, the usual ‘plans’ post and it’s not been too bad for once.

And in general it’s worked out for the most part. Goals in bold, explanations in normal text.

  • Weigh Less  – Successful. I’m now more than two stone lighter than I was a year ago. There’s still a considerable way to go, but it’s been significant progress throughout the year.
  • Write More – Also successful, albeit not to the degree I’d have liked.  I’ve got more ideas and more plans of what I want to write in the coming year, I’ve got two projects started and significant progress, and completed some shorter stuff, including submitting three pieces to competitions. None were successful, but it’s still progress.
  • IAM – Didn’t do. Mainly because of the fluctuations of the year, the IAM thing just didn’t happen. It will do this coming year, though.
  • Own company – Successful. Again it’s been knocked a bit by fluctuations and inconsistencies, as well as a couple of let-downs, but generally successful.
  • Business Ideas – Kinda successful. I know more about the direction, but need to do the work.
  • Rebuilding the finances – 50/50. It was successful – but then with those fluctuations, and the shower of shit, it’s back to square one at the moment. At the same time, it didn’t descend into “being in the shit”, although it was close. So, you know, little victories.

And for my 43rd year? Much the same, I think…

  • Weigh Less (continued work)
  • Write More
  • IAM Test
  • Own Business Ideas
  • Build the Finances

There may be others, there may not. But if I can have the successes of this year without the downsides and letdowns, it should be pretty positive. That’d be nice.

Slightly Quiet – the Recovery

Posted: Sun 26 October, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Driving, Finances, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Stupidity, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Work-related | Leave a comment »

Carrying on from the last couple of posts – Reasons and Repercussions – I’m hoping that I’m now on the road back. (If nothing else, the fact I’ve done these three posts should say that I’m on the way!)

This last few months has been tough, there’s no denying it. There’ve been a number of facets to that toughness, but I’m generally optimistic that they’re all on the way back to something approaching sanity.

Financially it’s definitely been tough, and I’m back to pretty much square one again. This month will (hopefully) be the last of that level of toughness, now I’m back to working on contract instead of permanent roles. The last few months have cost me dearly, going into what savings I had amassed, based on promises that salary deficits would be fixed and so on – which never happened.

Socially it’s been absolute piss. I’ve hardly seen anyone – some of that is related to the financial stuff, some of it down more to depressions, to not wanting to go out, as well as to feeling a bit trapped by a number of things.

Workwise – well, we covered that in other posts. Safe to say, it’s not been fun, and it’s affected me pretty negatively.

Creatively, it’s been a bit of a dead zone. The only positive is that the amount of time spent on the road while commuting gave me the opportunity to think a bit about some writing ideas, although I didn’t have the time or inclination to actually get them done. Still, with any luck that’ll be part of the next phase.

Really, the only real positive of the last few months has been health-wise – I’ve managed to lose two stone in weight, and been walking far more than I was. And again, that’s something I’ll continue making the effort on, I think, as well as (now I’ve got some more time to myself and my life) getting back to the gym a bit more.

This last few months have left me feeling pretty flat and wiped-out. I’m hoping that now it’s a bit more settled and sorted, things will head in a more positive direction for a while.

Slightly Quiet – the Repercussions

Posted: Sat 25 October, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Stupidity, Thoughts, Work-related | 1 Comment »

As I wrote yesterday, some of the stuff of the last few months has affected me in a number of ways, none of which I’m all that great at explaining at the time.

The work and jobs I’ve been doing this year haven’t left me in a good place, and I’ve found that (as on other occasions) it affects me more than I’m actually happy about.

I value myself to some degree by the work I do – and I like doing good work. Being part of a grinding factory of make-work bullshit isn’t my thing, and that was the kickstarter this time, a three-month contract with a company in Cambridge that was almost local-government in its use of people and make-work self-justifying crap that signifies the environs I really hate working in.

The work I did there was negligible – it wasn’t even relevant – which never helps. The next one was just bad, totally demoralised staff and an obsession with everything being “Agile” and a “Minimum Viable Product” (MVP), which appears to be techie-code for “Yeah fuck it, that’ll do”.

The idea of MVP is a good one in a startup business, or one that’s launching. It means that you do the basics, get it ready and get it out, then continue improving, adding functionality, listening to customer demands and the like.  However, when you’re in a business whose product has been available for a while, MVP means basic “do what the customer requested”, but without any thought for knock-on effects, or even how that functionality affects or integrates with existing code and setup.

From there, the next role was more challenging, but owned by an asshat. Lots still ongoing on that one, but at least it’s over.

But when all’s said and done, it all affects me – and more than it should. More than I admit, probably even to myself.  It leaves me demotivated, and not wanting to work on my own projects – whether web/tech-based, or just writing.  You’d think – and logic would dictate – that when I’m down about my paid-work being shit, I’d want to rectify that with producing decent stuff outside of work. But it doesn’t work like that – if I’m not happy with what I’m doing, I don’t want to do more of it.

With the excessive work hours at the last place as well, I didn’t really have time. I felt like I was existing only to commute, work, and sleep. Never a good place to be.

About the only positives to come out of it all have been that I’ve learned ever more about things I really don’t want to do, more warning signs about working with/for douchebags, and some more writing ideas when I get back into the mood for it.

Staying Put

Posted: Sat 27 September, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

In other news, it’s the time of year again where I renew (or not) the tenancy agreement on my current place. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here two and a half years now, but that’s how long it’s been. Time flies when you’re having fun, and all that.

As always, I do some thinking when this comes round, deciding what I want to do, where I want to be, all that tat.

I know that at some point I will want to be moving on, going somewhere new, doing all that stuff again. But the time for that isn’t now. In some ways I really do want to move on, but the time isn’t right, and I don’t know where I want to be. So this’ll do for the time being.

I’m signing up for another year. By then, I’ll most likely have decided what’s next. Or I might stay another year. I don’t know. There’s lots can change in that time.

By the time of the next renewal, this will have been the longest I’ve been any one place in a very long time. And yet I don’t feel settled – and I don’t quite know why. I’m sure I’ll figure it out at some point.

Inherently Useless

Posted: Wed 20 August, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Getting Old(er), M1, People, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

On my commutes, I regularly find myself bemused by the whole thing of performance cars – things like Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Aston Martins, AMG Mercedes and the like.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like the look of a lot of them, as well as the idea of fast cars. I love seeing them, and some of the stuff about them, the hand-made elements and so on. But here in the UK I just don’t really see the point of them.

I get that some of it is about showing off, that you can afford a fast car (as well as the petrol etc.) and fair play. Personally I don’t value myself by my possessions – large or small – and I don’t define myself by that perceived value, or that of the brand/marque that’s been chosen.

But regardless of whether you’ve got a shitty old Mk1 Ford Fiesta (or any other ‘low-end’ vehicle) or a £200,000 Mercedes SLS AMG, you’re legally limited to 70 mph. 80 at a push. And the run I do on a daily basis is populated with speed cameras and police, so it’s really not worth speeding past that – it’ll become a very expensive hobby, for sure.  So what’s the point of a car that can do 200mph, if it’ll never get there?

Sure, there’s other places you can speed, where there’s less cameras. But even then if you do get caught, it’s going to be expensive.

And then you get to the fuel consumption. That SLS gets 21mpg on the combined cycle – and I bet that drops like a stone if you put your foot down.

Great, you’ve got the money to make it feasible for you. I’m happy for you – not impressed, and not bothered, but it’s not for me, it’s for you.

Mind you, if you own that £200,000 car, it must really steam your piss to be overtaken by a shitty 13-year-old Saab that’s worth less than a hundredth of what your car cost…

Stone Down

Posted: Fri 11 July, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 2013/14, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Health, Weigh Less, Weight Loss | Leave a comment »

In other news, I’ve now lost a stone in weight this year.

That puts me on a weirdly OCD number (ending with two zeroes) although still at the high-end of “Functioning fat fucker”, with a way to go.

I’m happy with the progress though. I’d like it to be quicker (wouldn’t we all?) but at least it’s progress.

Progress

Posted: Wed 7 May, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health | Leave a comment »

For the first time in about ten days, I can breathe clearly today. This is A Good Thing.

For the first time in about a month, I can also move without twinges of the muscles in my back, and without wincing.  This is A Joy.

 

I do wonder if I’m not a bit run-down at the moment – things seem to be taking longer to repair than usual, and to be slightly more fragile than they have been.

Or maybe, as BW said a while back, I’m just getting old(er).  Not Old old, but approaching middle-age, and all that rot.

I don’t know – I’ll see what happens over the rest of this year. I’m hoping for things to be a bit calmer (although my calm is most people’s ‘chaotic’, as we all well know) but we’ll see.

Time Marches On

Posted: Tue 25 February, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Thoughts | Leave a comment »

A brief inkling of time’s march came to me over the weekend.

Looking back, I realised that the twin babies I shared a house with in Oxford (well, with their parents, technically – but that’s outside the scope of this) are now 21.

Twenty-bloody-one.

(And by further use of That There Maths, that also means I must’ve been Twenty-One at the time. Which had kind of passed me by. How time flies)

Getting Old?

Posted: Thu 30 January, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Commuting, Driving, Getting Old(er), London, Travel, Work-related | Leave a comment »

This week I’ve been commuting into London on a daily basis – and for some reason it’s left me knackered. More importantly and relevantly, I don’t know why.

As has been written about before, I’ve done a lot of stupid commutes (both distance and time) and in truth the current one isn’t actually that bad – a drive to Milton Keynes train station, train into Euston, and then tube to Farringdon. It’s about 75 minutes door-to-door each way, so nowhere near the worst I’ve done.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve become more used to shorter commutes over the last eighteen months or so, I don’t know.

I’m still doing OK, and I’m sure I’d be fine with doing it longer-term as I get used to it again, but it’s just a bit weird that it’s leaving me knackered at the moment…

High Milage

Posted: Mon 9 December, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), M1, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

Over the last month I’ve done a fair number of miles, including two trips to the North-East, one to the North-West, and one to the South-West, as well as a couple to closer parts of the country.

Indeed, by my rough reckoning I’ve done about 1,700 miles this month on those journeys, as well as my usual 600 of commuting – and as regular readers know, that’s one of my lowest-mileage monthly commutes in recent years. Indeed – having just checked – it’s the shortest commute since I worked in Oldham while living in Manchester. (And that took longer to do by far, as it was reliant on public transport)

The next few weeks will be quieter though – I’m done for long-mileage trips for the next month or so at least, which is no bad thing.

The Slab has done well on it all though. When I got home last night, the odometer read 99,500 exactly. The 100,000 mile service is booked in for just before Christmas, so the timing on that should be pretty spot-on, all things considered. Even if I go slightly over by then, it’ll still be within the next 1,000 – all told, no bad thing.

The only thing I really miss on Slab from Mondeo, it turns out, is cruise-control. I never used to use it much, but it does come in handy on long motorway drives where your leg doesn’t move much from one position on the accelerator. It meant I could engage the cruise-control for a couple of minutes, stretch and move my leg, and stop my knee from totally locking up.  Instead, getting home last night I must’ve looked like a pirate getting out the car, for the first couple of minutes it really wouldn’t move well at all.

Fire Works

Posted: Thu 7 November, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Animals, Domestic, Getting Old(er) | Leave a comment »

This year, the cats have been OK (in general) with fireworks again. There seem to have been more of them in the village than last year – although it’s still nothing like the warzone that Bracknell became throughout October to January. Still, at least I don’t have a moronic and hyper Hound to deal with.

Personally, I don’t mind fireworks. I like seeing them – not really surprised, with a birthday of November 5th.  I know that animals aren’t overly keen, but my lot have been OK. They stay inside more – which is fine with me, considering how vile the weather’s been – and can crowd me a bit for security (and yes, I do think that might be why the Bengal is sleeping on my bed at night) but it’s all good.

Driving home from work on Tuesday I even got to see some of the fireworks from local displays, which is always pleasant.

Life really is a much more peaceful experience without Hound, it has to be said.

Anniversal

Posted: Tue 5 November, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2013/14, 41 - 42, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er) | Leave a comment »

Bloody Hell, I’m forty-sodding-two.

It’s going to be an interesting year, I’m sure. And come April, I’ll be halfway through the rebooted Five Year Plan, from Age 40 to 45.  I think there’ll be more about that over the coming few days/weeks/months.  I bet you can’t wait…

Self Doubt

Posted: Fri 25 October, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Self-Doubt, Thoughts | 2 Comments »

Over the last two years or so, one thing I’ve noticed more and more is that I doubt myself far more than I ever used to.

Ten years ago, back when I was living in Manchester, I’d make a decision and stick with it – and sometimes those decisions wouldn’t work out, or they’d be based on flawed assumptions (god knows I made a fair few of those over the years) But most of the time they worked out, things grew from there, and I didn’t regret any of it. Again, sometimes mistakes were made – but they were based on what felt to be the best thing at the time. I did some truly idiot shit along the way – the ill-fated six month period of daily commuting round-trips by train between either Manchester and London, or Bath and London would probably be the lowest point in that particular theme. But I still did it – I’d made the decision to do so, and continue to do so, I reaped what I’d sowed and decided upon, and that was fine. (I pretty much had a breakdown at the end of it, but well, them’s the breaks)

Over the last decade though, that self-confidence (or at least confidence in one’s decisions) has been rocked a few times, and in some cases to the point of pretty much capsizing the entire damn thing. (I know, I’m kind of mixing metaphors. Live with it)  And it’s had a lasting effect, which I’m not entirely pleased about. I’m still working on it, aiming to build back up on that, along with everything else.

I’m still OK on a lot of things – if I’ve said I’ll meet someone anywhere, I’ll do it. If it involves others, those decisions are solid, and it doesn’t matter what happens, I’ll do my damnedest to be where I said, when I said.

The real crux though is when it’s something involving just me. It doesn’t have to be travel, or an event, it can be anything really. (The Peter Gabriel gig this week being a case in point) Because it’s only me doing it, my brain can descend into a spiral of second-guessing itself, a whole range of “Do I want to go?” internal questions, a bundle of “What If”s, “Yeah But”s, and “Well…”s.  I hate it, it annoys me so much. I’ve decided to do something, I want to just go on and do it. It’s the run-up, the cue time, the delays that bring about the doubts. [NOTE : When I talk about internal conversations, I’m not meaning ‘voices in my head’ as such, or any other inclement sign of madness]

I don’t know what’ll fix it – or even if anything will.  I’m working on rebuilding it, on knowing that when I’ve decided to do something, it’s the right thing to do – even if it turns out, with hindsight, to have been fucking stupid.  But sometimes at the moment it’s easier to give in to the self-doubt, to let it win, to take the easier and quieter route – which is, for me, most definitely the road less travelled.

Sometimes I think I’ve fought for so long, battled everything about myself and my life for so long, maybe I’m just tired of fighting for a while.

[NOTE – having read that last bit back, and realised alternative interpretations, this does not mean I’m giving in/up, or aiming to do anything stupid.]

Wavering – Updated

Posted: Wed 23 October, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Gigs, Health, Insomnia, Music | 3 Comments »

Following on from yesterday’s post about my – well, my subconscious’s – wavering about going to the Peter Gabriel gig at the O2.

I didn’t go.  I wanted to, I intended to.

I got home, had some lunch, had tons of time, felt like crap and had a quick nap. Not common, but not unusual.

I woke up five hours later, just as the concert was due to start. I’m about 75-90 minutes drive from the O2.

Piss.

Midweek

Posted: Fri 18 October, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Gigs, Insomnia, London, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

This week and next, I’m out at fairly large events held mid-week. In London.  I must be mad.

This week was, of course, the Neil Gaiman event at CHW in London, which resulted in me getting home at about half-midnight(ish) having opted for getting the train back to Milton Keynes and then driving the final bit, rather than driving and parking in Central London.

Next week will be seeing Peter Gabriel at the O2, which I’m really looking forward to. I suspect I’ll be getting home at about the same time, although this time I’ll be driving it instead of relying on public transport.

On the downside, I find that nights like that take it out of me now for the following night as well. I’m not sure if it’s a sign of getting older, or just that I’m out of practice – either way, my sleep/insomnia on the Wednesday night after the Gaiman event was even worse than usual, despite being more knackered.

Although with this kind of thing, it’s also making me even more pleased that I’m not doing that commute into Cambridge any more!

More Change

Posted: Mon 7 October, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Commuting, Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Work-related | Leave a comment »

Following on from last week’s post about change, today is the start of a new job.

The previous contract was OK, but really wasn’t working for me for lots of reasons, mainly related to the work involved. (as I’ve said before, it turns out I really don’t like working with pure data, I find it boring and uninspiring)  Coupled to that, I didn’t overly like the company, or the way they did things.  The final bit was the commute (and yes, this is me, the King of Idiot Commutes saying this) which just pissed me off. The route from home to Cambridge is just shit at busy times, being all single carriageway, and prone to absolutely solid traffic the entire way along it, so I’ve been leaving home earlier, and leaving work later, spending the ‘spare’ time reading, as the workplace won’t let me do flexi-hours.  If the job itself were fun, interesting or challenging, the commute and extra time wouldn’t be an issue. But because the job isn’t/wasn’t fine, that commute just became the final straw.

So anyway, I got a call two weeks ago about a job that was closer to home, much more my type of thing (eCommerce portals, creating stuff from scratch, integration with existing processes, etc etc.) and based in an office on the grounds of one of the local stately homes. Spectacular stuff.

They interviewed me by phone last Monday, and offered me the job by the end of the day.  I’m starting today, and I haven’t even met these people yet. That’s kind of scary, but it’s also pretty cool, being hired for my skillset rather than how I look in a suit.

Whatever happens, this means I’m getting back about three hours a day in travel time, getting paid about the same, and getting my life made easier and happier.  It really is a no-brainer as far as all that is concerned.

We’ll see how it goes – all I know right now is that I’m just so pleased to be finished with the previous one.  And I’ve kept my 100% record on successful interviews for this year, which is even better.

Upcoming

Posted: Sat 5 October, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er) | Leave a comment »

Somehow, it’s only a month ’til I hit 42.

Time flies, and all that.

2013 Phase 3 : One week in

Posted: Mon 16 September, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2012/13, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Food, Getting Old(er), Health, Weigh Less | 6 Comments »

So, as I wrote a week ago, I made some minor(ish) changes to lifestyle last Monday. Obviously it’s only a week in, but I thought I’d write a wee bit about what’s happened in that week.  I’m trying to get back into routines and patterns on these things, so I know that a week is kind of short, but if I’ve done it for one, I can do it for more.

The changes were

  1. Cutting out bread completely
  2. Eating better while at work  (i.e. no sandwiches, in particular)
  3. Walking/cycling more

And so far things have been OK, I’m pleased to say.

I’ve had no bread at all – although I’ve not cut out pasta or other wheaty products as such – and honestly I’ve felt no change, and seen no changes or results. I’m going to keep on with it for a while more though.

I’ve certainly eaten better at work, mainly through getting back to eating stuff I’ve made at home and taking that in, rather than paying for it on a daily basis.  I do need to find a balance here still, because as a contractor, it’s better for tax purposes (don’t ask) to buy something each day.

Exercise has been the big one. I’ve been out on the bike five times, and covered fifteen miles, there being a rather nice little three-mile circuit from home that works well for me. My times have dropped noticeably already – I’m using the Strava app on the phone to track things – and we’ll see how it goes.  My leg muscles in particular hurt like buggery on a couple of occasions, which isn’t surprising considering that the last time I was  cycling properly was in 2005 when I worked at CrapCo. But I’ll get better, get fitter, get faster. That’s the plan, anyway.

More importantly though, I’m quite enjoying it at the moment. I’m hoping to get into the routine before the nights draw in and the weather gets worse, so that then I’ll have even fewer excuses for not going. I have missed a couple of days this week- one through vile weather, another through being busy doing other stuff – but I can live with a five-out-of-seven plan for the moment.

All told, it’s all looking fairly positive.

New Job, New Commute

Posted: Tue 27 August, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Business, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Public Transport, Travel, Work-related | Leave a comment »

Today I start my new contract, over in Cambridge.  The commute is kind of weird, I’m going in the opposite direction to last time I travelled that route.

As long-time readers of D4D know, I’m not averse to the odd idiot commute. This one is actually pretty sane in comparison, although I suspect I’ll have to spend some time finding the ideal route. There’s a couple of sections – primarily from St Neots to Caxton – that are vile, although honestly I suspect all the routes are much the same when it comes to heavy traffic.

As it is, I’ve gone from the 20 mile journey to Previous Place (well, Previous Long-Term Place) to a 40 mile journey to the new one, so my commute has doubled. Although, weirdly, it’s pretty much the exact same distance as the drive to the office of the short-term contract – just in the opposite direction.

Apparently for a lot of people a 40-mile journey to work is too much, but for me it’s nothing – it’s still less than half of what I was doing when I was living in Norfolk and Suffolk, and working in London. And it’s nowhere near my record commutes – although they were by train rather than driving – of  Bath->London (115 miles each way, each day) and Manchester->London (200 miles each way, each day)  although I will never do a journey/commute/contract like that again. It pretty much killed me when I did it fifteen years ago, I can’t see it would be any different now.

Still, in that context, a 40-mile journey is absolutely nothing. I’ll spend some time figuring out best routes, best times and the like, and settling into the new schedule. But really that’s all just part of a new contract for me.

I’ll write more about it once I’m more settled into the routine, and know more about what I’m actually doing.

Employed

Posted: Thu 15 August, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2012/13, Business, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Work-related | Leave a comment »

It’s now been confirmed that I’m gainfully employed in a long-term contract from Tuesday 27th August. It’s a six-monther, based in Cambridge, and stands to pay me more than a year with my previous employer – and that’s before taking into consideration the expenses thing and so on.

Going through this whole process again has been really good for me, as it turns out. I was beginning to wonder whether I was still in the right place/industry, and while those doubts still remain to a degree, at least my own personal confidence has been somewhat restored.

All told, the events for this last month have been :

  • 17th July : Made redundant
  • 19th July : Last day of employment
  • 22-29th July : Week off, no CVs sent out etc.
  • 29th July – 4th August : Send out some CVs, talk to some agencies
  • 5th August – Phone Interview with Company X
  • 7th August – Interview with Company Y, with immediate job offer and immediate start for a short-term contract
  • 12th August – Interview with Company X.
  • 13th August – Phone Interview with Company Z. Job offer from Company X. Interview offer from Company Z

So – two face-to-face interviews, both of which have led to work.  One further phone interview, leading to face-to-face interview.

It took me three weeks (including a week off) from notice of redundancy to getting work. I could’ve done it quicker, most likely, but I took it slow and was wanting something that I wanted to do, rather than just whatever comes next.

All told, I’m really quite chuffed with that.

11

Posted: Fri 9 August, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2012/13, 2013/14, Change, D4D™, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

Somehow, D4D™ has now made it to its eleventh birthday. I never expected it to do so, but I can’t deny, I’m actually fairly proud that it has.

Events over the last eighteen months have meant that the writing here has slowed down, and lost its frequency (and in some ways I feel it’s also lost its way a bit) but I’m going to see how we do over the next year, and wait ’til this time next year to see what happens.  I might close it down, I might just keep it with irregular updates. Right now, I just don’t know.

The last couple of years have been – interesting, I think it’s fair to say.  D4D’s been through that time with me (well, obviously) and will continue to do so, I think. There’s still a long way on this old journey, and I think/hope the next year (or two) is going to be instrumental in whatever comes next.

Equipment Failure

Posted: Sun 2 June, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Change, Domestic, Finances, Geeky, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, iPhone, Shopping, Technology, Thoughts, Weirdness | 1 Comment »

Don’t worry, this isn’t another post about the joys and pitfalls of getting older…

No, instead it’s about technology, and why the bastard stuff all ends up failing at the same time.

First of all, this post is being written on a new laptop – which I really could’ve done without having to get, but needs must when the devil drives (and/or you’re a web techie and wannabe-writer).  The old Dell laptop – which it turns out I bought back in September 2009, so I shouldn’t whine so much, I guess – had been getting flakier over the last six months, but I’ve been eking out the life of it since then, suffering the occasional (and then more regular) hard-drive crash, and the ropy keyboard with some keys that only worked intermittently.

This week though it’s been crashing every time it was in use, and was obviously getting to the point where I needed to a) pull all the relevant data off it like NOW, and b) replace it with something else. And with a trip up to Manchester this week where I’m *really* going to need a reliable laptop, this was the weekend for it.

So I’ve bitten the bullet somewhat, and the new one is a (dirt-cheap) Asus thing, running the already-much-disliked Windows 8. To be fair to Windows 8, the old laptop was on the much-loathed Vista, which I never really found all that annoying. Eight annoys me more so far, but I’ll get used to it.

The other two equipment failures are both iPhone related, allbeit power-related rather than device-related. (Although I did think one of them might’ve been the phone being fucked, which was a real worry)  First the Mophie battery case has failed. Again. (More accurately, the cable/charger for it, which will no longer charge) I love the Mophie cases, but they do seem to be somewhat crap, and only last about a year. And then the normal iPhone charge/sync cable also went kerfut and wouldn’t charge the phone.  So I’ve had to get a new cable for that as well – considerably less expensive than the laptop purchase, but still, why all at the same time?

Oh yeah, and the fridge in the house also played up this week, with one day where it didn’t appear to be working all that well. Fortunately it’s now back up and running.

But why the hell would four things, two fairly major, all decide to kiff out within the same week? Weird things, I tell thee, weird things.

Time for Change

Posted: Thu 30 May, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Cynicism, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Insomnia, Thoughts, Work-related | 1 Comment »

Right now, life is (again) feeling like it’s time for some changes to start happening.  (Yeah, as if there hadn’t been enough of them already)

I’m not going to be diving into anything too much, but it’s safe to say that I’m at the point of having Had Enough of some stuff.

Work is the particular source of ire at the moment, with the feeling of being far too pressurised and overloaded, aided and abetted by an HR department that seems to think dealing with people isn’t in their job description.  I’m managing far too many projects – although keeping them just about on time and on-target, with only one glaringly delayed one that went out this week at long last – with too little recognition and acknowledgement. Additionally, for every project I close, two more come up, Hydra-like.

There’s other bits of life that are annoying me currently, but work is the main one – and the easiest one to change, I think. From there, I don’t know what’s next, but even if I increase my travel time, I suspect it’ll make life better just through the change happening.

Really though at the moment I’m just so fucking tired. I’m not depressed (or at least not massively so) just exhausted. I think burnout is just round the corner, and I need to address that soon, or it’ll happen.

Anyway, it’s just me whinging. Things will work out, change will happen.

Ageing

Posted: Sat 25 May, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), People, Thoughts | 2 Comments »

Most of the time, I forget I’m 41. Hell, most of the time I have to work it out when someone asks how old I am.  No-one ever believes I’m the age I am, and most people seem to estimate it as mid-30s (or less than 12, depending on my behaviour at the time) which is fine with me.  Fact is, people have been estimating my age as mid-30s since I was early 20s, so I suppose I’m aging fairly well in general – although I must’ve been fuck-rough at 20.

My hair’s been going grey since mid-20s, and that doesn’t really bother me. My mum went grey early on – less charitable souls could observe that might be related to having me – so it’s always been expected.

Recently though, there’ve been other signs of ageing, and I can’t deny, my own sense of vanity (small though it is) rebels against them.

Firstly it’s been the hair growing on my ears – what the hell is that about? For some reason I now get long hairs growing on the top of my ears, and rounds the edges. I don’t see the point of it, but there we go. It’s annoying- to me – but I’m sure no-one else cares.

And now the grey hairs are appearing elsewhere. Eyebrows first – and man do they show up! And now today, I discovered the latest ignominy – I’m even getting grey chest-hairs. Obviously they’re less publicly visible, but all the same, it’s just a bit depressing, all these combining signs that I truly am getting older…

One Year

Posted: Sun 5 May, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2011/12, 2012/13, Change, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised | Leave a comment »

Exactly one year ago today – date-wise, rather than weekday-wise – I moved to the new place.

It’s been one hell of a year, and eventful in many ways.  Looking back, in some ways it’s raced past and feels like only a few weeks. Indeed it’s only when I look back and list the amount of stuff I’ve actually done in that time, check out all the changes and occurences in that time, that I realise how much has been done, and then it seems amazing how I’ve fitted it all into such a short span.

There’s still a lot to do, many changes to be made, many things to be tried and worked on. Some I’ll do, some I won’t. But this last year has been a good building block, and it’s laid the foundations for a lot of the upcoming stuff that should be really quite interesting.

Time Out

Posted: Mon 29 April, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Health, London, Own Business, Sleep - or lack thereof, Thoughts, Time, Work-related, Writing | Leave a comment »

This week (and some of next) I’m actually on leave from the job. This is A Very Good Thing.

I don’t have much in the way of plans, the main thing is just Not Working, and taking the much-needed time out.

Of course, there are things I want to do, or at least get onto “paper” and out of my head, but that’s all going to be done on my terms, rather than within the demands of an office.

I’m sure there’ll be a couple of days out and the like along the way, but really the main thing is just time out. It’s been a pretty hectic first third of the year, and the next one isn’t looking like it’ll be any quieter, so downtime is definitely a good plan.

Photo Resurrection

Posted: Thu 28 March, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Photography | 2 Comments »

One area where I’ve really slacked over the last few months has been on the photography front – I just haven’t been in the right mindset, and haven’t really had any locations where I’ve wanted to take photos at all.

Last weekend, Lori held her “Rarely Wears Lipstick Awards“, a celebration of the ten years of blogging, and a whole bundle of other reasons. I was going already, but it turned out the person who was meant to be taking photos couldn’t make it, so I volunteered to do so.

I can’t deny, it felt good to be doing it again. I really enjoyed the night, but I loved taking the pics as well, seeing the people and the scenes, and grabbing the images.  It was also a joy (as always) to be using my f2 portait lens, which is so excellent in low-light, and lets me grab photos without needing flash.

All the photos on the resulting blog article are mine, but there’s a lot of others as well- obviously – some of which I’m really pleased with. Some less so, but more through issues with the lighting and focussing, rather than the shots themselves. I might add some more up here, I don’t know.

Hopefully, though, it’ll be the kick to get things going again on the photography score, though.

2013

Posted: Tue 1 January, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: 2012/13, D4D™, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Health, Weigh Less | 3 Comments »

And so – a new year. (Again)

As per many years previously, I don’t really do New Year Resolutions, they’re not my thing.

So my plan for 2013 (as written about very briefly back in November) is pretty simple. It’s not resolutions, just a bit of a plan, and that plan can be summed up thus…

  1. Weigh less
  2. Write more.

And that’s it.  There’s other stuff along the way, but that’s the two key points, really.

Anyway- have a good one. I certainly hope to do so.

The End of 2012

Posted: Mon 31 December, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: 2012/13, Change, D4D™, Domestic, Finances, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, Thoughts, Work-related | Leave a comment »

At last, we’re at the end of 2012.

It’s been quite a year, all things considered. I’ve written about that elsewhere, so don’t need to repeat myself really.  Suffice it to say, it’s been eventful.

As it is, I’m closing off 2012 with no debt, and with the groundwork done to start building back up from. There’s a long way to go – it won’t be done in 2013, I know for a fact – but the basics are done, and now it’s “just” the building back up.

I’m not planning any big changes for 2013, to be honest. I’m happy with work – yes, I did just say that – and so long as things don’t change too radically, I hope to be there for the full year. (And even I can’t believe I just wrote that) I’m as secure as possible in the house, the tenancy goes through to November for sure.  Of course, things can still change when it’s rented property, but it’s as safe as it can be for the moment.

So the basics are as safe and stable as I can make them for the moment. I’m not planning anything major changewise – 2013’s a year to get myself sorted, and to deal with myself rather than dealing with anyone else.

I feel pretty optimistic about it, to be honest. I don’t know all of what it’ll bring – who can? – but regardless, I think/hope it’s going to be a good year.

Party Avoidance

Posted: Sat 15 December, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Work-related | 4 Comments »

This weekend, I’m avoiding the work Christmas Party. It’s not local – it’s kind-of-local to the Devon office, but not for my office – and involves a 5-ish hour coach journey. Each way.

Mainly though, I just really didn’t fancy it. Not necessarily as an avoidance of the Festering Season – although that’s a happy side-effect – but more as a reflection of my current state of being.

In short, I’m knackered. I’m really bad at Not Working – even when I’m officially on Leave, and Not Working – and it’s always in my head. As part of an email on Thursday, I realised that my team of three (me, my developer colleague, and the designer) are responsible for no less than fifteen websites within my employer. Not just ‘basic’ websites, but also the systems to manage the businesses – and they’re complete business entities, not just side-projects or marketing biff – so it’s pretty intense. And that means my head’s always on The Next Issue.

I’ve been taking time off, as I had a massive backlog of holiday time to take, but still, I’m wiped out. Primarily because even with that, this month has involved lots of work, silly mileage, long trips, long days, and not much in the way of turning my brain off.

So the weekend would have consisted of an early start (6.30 AM – on a Saturday!) followed by a massive 5 hour drive/ride down to a venue on Dartmoor (No, it’s not Dartmoor Prison), a big company do with 100+ people and lots of drink (a lot of ex-military people equates to a lot of drink!) followed by another (minimum of) five-hour drive/ride home – allowing extra time for people to stop, week, puke and so on. That just strikes me as a weekend where I’d rather do my own stuff, sleep in, and generally recharge my batteries a bit.

Thankfully I’m not the only one missing it – there’s been a few others over the weeks – so I don’t feel too guilty. I’m best off out of it, and with the state my head’s in at the moment, everyone who is going is better off without me there. Quite simply, I’d be no fun.

All of which means it’s a quiet weekend, and right now that’s just fine with me. I’ve still got bits to do, just to get them out of my head, but at least it’s going to be done on my terms.

Greying

Posted: Tue 11 December, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Thoughts, Weirdness | 2 Comments »

One (of many) questions about aging that keeps occurring to me :

What the hell is it with hairs growing on ears?  It never used to happen – why has it started to as I get older?

King’s Cross – 25 Years

Posted: Sun 18 November, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Getting Old(er), Public Transport, Thoughts, Travel | Leave a comment »

It really doesn’t seem possible that it’s now 25 years since the fire at King’s Cross station in London which killed 31 people.

It’s not (for me at least) one of those events where you always remember where you were when you heard about it, but it was still a major event, and brought about so many changes with train stations, including replacing all the wooden escalators with metal ones, banning smoking in stations (it had already been banned on the trains, but was OK in stations) and secondary influences and improvements for things like fire-fighting services and so on.

But knowing it’s 25 years ago is a real surprise – time flies, and all that jazz.

41

Posted: Mon 5 November, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er) | Leave a comment »

Somehow, I’m now 41. Quite honestly, I’m amazed to be here, and to be saying that.  This year there’ve been some very dark times which I haven’t really written much about, although some of it can be implied from where things stand now.

A lot of it has been emphatically Not Fun, although now things are a bit more settled and stable, I can see that they’re improving. More importantly, I’m improving.

I’m not sure what the next year will bring. Hopefully not too much in the way of radical change (that’s the current plan, but well, you know me and plans) other than the plans I’m going to detail in another post later today. There’s still change, but I’m hoping/expecting it to be a steady progression, rather than anything too earth-shattering.

When all’s said and done, though, there’s been a lot of change over the last few months, and there’s still more to come. But at least it’s all in a positive direction.

Revisiting

Posted: Fri 21 September, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Thoughts | Leave a comment »

While I was up in Manchester last weekend, I had a bit of a tour of the places I used to live. Well, I was (fairly) close, so I thought “What the hell”.

Two of the three places were there, and pretty much unchanged.

But the third is – well – no longer there. The entire area, probably three or four hundred houses all told, is gone. It’s all been demolished, and left as green space with just wooden borders on the edges.

The view from where my front door used to be

The view from where my front door used to be

I don’t know what the plans are for the future development of the area, and I know that the area wasn’t great – but did all the houses really need to be demolished? They were OK houses, and just that one area could’ve been used to sort out all the homeless in the city.

30 Things

Posted: Mon 20 August, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Change, Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, People, Thoughts | 4 Comments »

via Blue Witch , I came across Black Dog Tribe‘s “30 things to stop doing to yourself“.  It’s a great list – I think probably most people don’t do all of them, but most do some of them, at least.

I’ve copied it here for posterity, and so I can come back to it when I want/need to. It’s particularly relevant for me at the moment, with all the other stuff that’s going on, so I hope it helps others too.

  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
  2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living — to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
  3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
  11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
  12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen — in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
  14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
  16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: ‘What’s something I have that everyone wants?’
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
  18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, ‘What you did to me is okay’. It is saying, ‘I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.’ Forgiveness is the answer- let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
  24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either — cry if you need to — it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility — you give others power over that part of your life.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
  28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: ‘Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?’ If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
  30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Enjoy.

Back in the Land of the Living

Posted: Tue 15 May, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Change, D4D™, Domestic, Driving, Getting Old(er), Thoughts, Work-related | 2 Comments »

Looking back, it’s been more than a month since I wrote anything here – which is a bit shit, really.

It’s been a month with lots of changes below the radar – that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it. But now there’s some light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m back in the land of the living.

So – in that month :

  • I’ve moved – and only got broadband reconnected yesterday – to a (rented) place of my own
  • The contract role I was doing has now been made permanent – and I didn’t even freak out or wobble the way I did last time I took on a ‘proper’ job
  • My dad’s been in hospital (and still is) with heart-related issues. He’s OK, but is going through (at least) a triple-bypass operation today.
  • I’ve been doing lots of driving, what with one thing and another
  • Probably a bundle of other stuff too

Still, I’m back now. I’m not saying it’s going to go back to daily updates and the like, but it won’t behaving month-long pauses again for a while.

2012 – The next twelve months

Posted: Thu 5 January, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: D4D™, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Resolutions, Stupidity, Thoughts, Time, Weight Loss, Work-related | 4 Comments »

This year I’m not going to lay down a big old list of plans. They rarely work out, or I’m just too ambitious – or other things take over.

Take last year’s list, for example :

  • Write more
  • Take more photos
  • Do more websites
  • Get more business
  • Pay stuff off
  • Get off the antidepressants

Not much, really. Yet most of it didn’t quite happen. Work and life got in the way, and things just didn’t quite happen.

Mind you, I did get off the antidepressants, and I did take photos when I got the chance, so that’s not too bad. I also completed a fair few websites, and some other projects – just not for myself.

I think I’ll be keeping the same basic list for this year though.  It’s written with the best of intentions – but the knowledge that things change, including my motivation.  But I think the 2012 list will be (in no particular order) :

  • Write more
  • Photograph more
  • Owe less
  • Weigh less

And that’ll do, I think.

Progress – What’s Next? 2010/11

Posted: Sat 6 November, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: 2010/11, Change, Depression, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Own Business, Photography, Thoughts, Work-related, Writing | 2 Comments »

So, following on from how (badly) I’ve done in 2009/10, what’re the plans for 2010/11 ?

Honestly, I don’t really know.  I guess the main points can be brought down to :

  • Write more
  • Take more photos
  • Do more websites
  • Get more business
  • Pay stuff off
  • Get off the antidepressants

Other than that, more of my activity will be down to altering life, seeing friends, travelling, doing other odds and sods along the way.

I don’t know what the run-up to 40 will bring, but right now the thing that I do want to do is not stress about it over the next year.

We’ll see.

Progress, or Lack Thereof

Posted: Fri 5 November, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: 2009/10, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Introspective, Own Business, Thoughts, Work-related, Writing | Leave a comment »

This time last year, this was the list of what I wanted to do in 2009/10…

  1. Mortgage renewal
  2. Build up own business
  3. Design/Launch some of the sites I’ve got ideas for (I know, that’s an ongoing thing – but different sites/ideas this time, as always)
  4. Write more – I want to get at least one solid piece done. I failed in 2009, but it’s still a plan for 2010 instead.
  5. Photograph more – again, I’ve got some ideas for big projects on this, I just need to get started on them.
  6. Lose more weight – I want to lose at least another stone in the next year, and ideally more. But a stone will be the target for now.
  7. Get to the gym more – something I’ve really slacked on this year
  8. Do some business planning, and figure out (to some degree at least) what the fuck I want to do next with my life.
  9. Get back in touch with (and visit) various friends I’ve been useless with for the last couple of years.

So, how did I do?

  1. Yeah, didn’t do the renewal.
  2. Still working on that, allbeit slowly
  3. I did launch a couple of new sites over the year, but nowhere near as many as I wanted to. Mind you, I’ve also culled out a number of the ones that aren’t going to work out, too.
  4. Certainly written more, along with submitting a couple of small pieces to competitions and the like.
  5. Photography hasn’t been so successful. I haven’t had the inspiration or motivation as yet – there’s been a number of things I have done, but not what I was planning to do.
  6. Lost weight – I’m down a stone on where I was, with the intention of losing more.
  7. I didn’t get to the gym at all
  8. I didn’t really do much in the way of business planning, although equally I’ve had enough to keep me going over the year.
  9. I got in touch with friends, saw a few, and then went back to being crap.

All told, not a great year for achievement. Stuff’s been done – just not as much as I wanted to, and/or not in the sections I planned it to be.  All told, it’s a bit of a worry, with the culmination in a year’s time of that five year plan – but then, there’s been lots of change in that five years, if I look back to where I was when I started it. So I can live with that – there’s been progress, work and change, they just hasn’t taken me along the path/road I expected them to.

Failed Recall

Posted: Thu 26 August, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Thoughts | 1 Comment »

For once, I’ve got a situation where my memory is failing me. I wasn’t even aware of it ’til today, but now it’s driving me mad.

On Radio One this morning, Chris Moyles mentioned having been in Hanley, near Stoke-on-Trent. And I know I went for an interview there many moons ago. It’s just that I can’t remember the name of the place-  which is odd, because I normally can remember these stupid useless details.

I know it was some kind of jazz bar/restaurant, but that’s it. I can’t remember much about it – something about the location, but not much.

It’s really bugging me. What’s worse is that I know it shouldn’t annoy me – it was something for half a day, back in what must’ve been 1993/94. I shouldn’t really even recall that I’d been there, so little does it matter.

But up there in my head, for whatever reason, it does matter. I’ll figure it out, I’m sure.

Goatee

Posted: Fri 14 May, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Domestic, Getting Old(er) | Leave a comment »

Over the week away, I grew a goatee beard. I had one years ago and it kind of suited me, but ended up making me look rather Satanic – it grew into a total point, and was cool but A Bad Thing. Well, it seemed to scare other people, anyway. I liked it.

Time goes by though, and this time the goatee was at least one-third grey, which I hated. I don’t mind having grey hair – my mum was totally grey by the time she was the age I am now, so I always knew it’d happen, and it doesn’t bother me. But I hate grey eyebrow hairs, and felt the same about the grey bits in the goatee.

So it’s not going to stay this time. In fact it’s gone already. I suspect it won’t be back, because I totally refuse to go with the “Just for Men” look.