False Registration – Again
Posted: Sat 30 November, 2024 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving 3 Comments »Back in 2022 (so before I moved) I received a car’s V5C registration document that wasn’t for me – not in my name, and not a vehicle I’d every owned, or even seen. It also wasn’t a name I knew, and not a plate I recognised.
It turned out that this is a known scam, where the owner of the vehicle is basically going to try not paying for parking/speeding fines and fees. It’s odd, because it relies on people being useless and just throwing the V5C away – which is *not* a good plan.
Instead, take a copy of the V5C (either a scan, or photos will be fine) and then return the V5C to DVLA – their contact details are here – with a covering note explaining that the person and vehicle mentioned have never lived here and that the vehicle doesn’t belong here. Send that ASAP.
Anyway, a few weeks back, the same happened again – a different name and registration, but the same scam. So I did the same again, scanned it and sent it back with the covering letter.
And a week later I started getting parking penalty notices – all in the name of the V5C person, and relating to that vehicle. I’ve returned a couple, and kept a couple – because at some point I’m sure it’s going to end up with a visit.
Thankfully, this week I got the confirmation letter back from DVLA that they’ve accepted that the registration is flawed/faked, and they’ve taken my address off the record for that vehicle. (I’m keeping that letter safe, obviously!)
I don’t know if the parking penalty people will re-check for reigstered addresses etc., so I’m still sort-of expecting a knock on the door. But I’ve got all the defenses I can think of on that score, so at least it’ll be interesting!
Insurance Renewal Fuckery
Posted: Thu 14 September, 2023 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Domestic, Driving, Finances, Legal Leave a comment »This being the time I bought the current car, it’s also time for that annual festival of fuckery – Insurance Renewal.
I knew that this year was likely to be a pain in the arse – there’s been plenty of coverage about how insurance premiums have gone up massively as part of “the cost of living” (which in the case of insurance etc. seems to me to be just rabid profiteering – I don’t see how inflation and food costs have a knock-on effect to the car insurance industry!) so I was expecting it to be stupid. I just wasn’t expecting quite how stupid.
So – I got my renewal letter through from my current insurers, and they’d managed to double my insurance. For no changes – the address change happened before last renewal and the car hasn’t changed (other than in losing value for having been driven another 25,000 miles) But no, somehow they feel they can justify doubling the price.
Well, frankly they can fuck off.
So off I went to that site with the meerkats (because it annoys me less than the one with the opera ‘singer’, or the one with the weirdly confusing existential ads that make no sense) and looked at what was available.
As it turns out, I got a deal with a different insurer for all the things I wanted, and paying the same as I have been this year. Which I reckon is a total win, all told. So far it’s been painless – I’ve cancelled the renewal on the current one (while laughing on the phone at them, because doubling the quote is just fucking ridiculous) and the new one is in place to start in early October.
But it does make me wonder about what the business model is for so many of these insurance places. I have to assume that there’s a huge number of people who just blindly accept the renewal cost without looking elsewhere (and if that’s the case then they bloody well deserve to be ripped off, in my opinion) but that’s pretty mind-boggling, given the prevalence of these comparison sites and so on now.
Subscriptions and Stupidity
Posted: Mon 26 June, 2023 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, I Don't Understand, People, Stupidity 3 Comments »Interesting to see that subscription things are now the latest target in the Government’s “How can we protect stupid people from being stupid?” process.
Now OK, some of the tactics used by subscription-model companies can be a pain – particularly the “sign up for a free trial and we’ll charge you after that” thing – but also (as that summary hints) they bloody well tell you what they’re going to do! I assume that people just get as far as “sign up for a free trial” and then stop reading/comprehending, but it really isn’t rocket science.
If you’re wanting to try it, then sign up for the free trial. But at the same time put a reminder in your phone for 25-ish days away that says “Cancel [x]”. Then when the phone says “Cancel [x]”, do so. Voila, no charge.
Yes, the model absolutely relies on people being stupid and not bothering to cancel the subscription. Similarly, most gym memberships expect/hope that the majority of people will sign up for the year and only use the place for two or three months. (although that one is a contract, so they can’t easily get out of it) But a subscription model paid month-to-month is an easy one to cancel – assuming even a vague level of competence, of course. The first time the payment comes out, if you don’t want it, it’s easy to go “Oh, fuck it. Forgot that – let’s cancel that now so I don’t have to pay again next month!” and just log in and get it cancelled.
Now OK, I accept that I’m probably not “normal” on this, but I keep a close eye on my money – I know when payments come out, I know what I’m expecting to pay, and I check my bank account every couple of days, minimum. I know where I stand on all of it on any given day. So it absolutely gobsmacks me to see things like this (from the story linked above) :
John, for example, told the BBC he had signed up to Amazon Prime video for a 30-day free period and forgot to cancel it when he had to start paying for it.
“I’m just gutted I spent £6.99 a month for 18 months for no reason”.
Now, I’d like to see Amazon’s side of that story, and see whether “John” actually watched Amazon video in that time, and/or whether he got Amazon deliveries in that time. It’s worth noting that Amazon is actually an oddity in this case, in that you pay for Prime delivery and get the video stuff as well – so if he’s paid for Prime to get things delivered next-day and made use of that then it’s not been a waste of money in the first place!
As for cancelling, John comes up with this gem…
“It was such a stressful ordeal and left me with a lot of anxiety. It ridiculous, these companies only care about the money not the person”.
I mean…. A) Welcome to Capitalism. And B) it’s a simple process. Yes, they’ll say “Are you sure? Here’s what you’ll lose out on” and so on, because they do want to keep your custom/money. Of course they do. But it’s not a challenging thing to just say “Yep, cancel it”. Certainly most (if not all) of the online companies make it easy – a couple of clicks and it’s done. Even the dating sites don’t make a big thing of the people leaving – they know they’ll have plenty of other people signing up or staying on.
All told, if someone says they’re short of money (“Cost of living crisis” etc. etc.) and yet still ‘not knowing’ that they’re paying out for subscriptions, then they’re not actually that short of money. (Or are congenitally and irredeemably stupid)
On the other hand, I can absolutely see that it would be good/ethical for a subscription service to send a check-up message if the person using it hasn’t accessed that service at all in (for example) six months, and have them opt back in (or at least say “Yes, I want to keep going with this”) at that point. And if they don’t respond, then their account gets deactivated. Among other things, that would be useful in scenarios where the person has died or become incapacitated, and reduces the whole nightmare of trying to unsubscribe someone from something where you don’t even know their username/password.
Memory Failings
Posted: Fri 28 August, 2020 Filed under: 1BEM, I Don't Understand, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don’t remember, I don’t remember(Chumbawumba’s “Amnesia”)
Within my office block, I’m regularly gobsmacked by how people seem incapable of seemingly simple tasks, like remembering to turn things off that they’ve just turned on. For example, walking in to the toilets, turning on the lights, and failing to turn them off again when leaving. (And sometimes also somehow forgetting to turn off taps that they’ve just used)
I honestly don’t understand this – and I’m potentially being charitable by attributing it to forgetfulness, rather than just being unthinking asshats – but it does seem to be ever more prevalent. Maybe it’s related to the office rentals being all-inclusive, meaning people give less of a sod about utilities and so on.
But even then, I wonder, is that also how they are at home? Do they keep leaving things on there as well? Do their partners/parents just keep on tidying up after them, turning things off again?
(And just because I’m not perfect – I’ve been meaning to write this post for the last two weeks, and I’ve kept on forgetting to do so)
One Speed Fits All
Posted: Fri 17 July, 2020 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Weirdness Leave a comment »Recently I’ve noticed something odd on my journeys to/from the office that really annoys me. And it’s to do with speeding (as the title may have suggested)
Particularly on my way home, the drive contains a variety of country roads and towns/villages, so we fairly regularly swap between speed limits of 60 and 30mph, with one small stretch at 20mph. Which is easy, so long as you’ve got a brain, and some awareness. (And you’d pretty much hope that a driver has both)
But no. On a regular basis, I see drivers who decide to drive at about 40mph the whole way, regardless of what the limit actually is. It means they’re either going ridiculously slowly, or stupidly fast.
It’s not really a problem as such – it’s just annoying, and I truly don’t understand the thinking that leads to this behaviour. It’s all just bizarre, really.
Ambivalent
Posted: Wed 12 December, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »
This year is currently a weird one for me with regards to the Festering Season.
Usually by now I’m totally done with it, had enough, and generally pretty fucked off with the entire thing.
This year, though, I’m just ambivalent about it. And I don’t actually know why.
We’re still being faced with the same inanity and vapid bullshit on TV adverts and the like. We’ve had Christmas Shit™ (cards, confectionary, blah blah) in the shops since September. Now we’re in December they’re playing sodding christmas carols and tunes in the shops and on the radio, and various fuckwits are already blithering about “It’s christmas”. (No it’s fucking not, it’s just December)
And on the face of that paragraph, you’d think I am hating it. But I’m not. I still feel the same, that it is all crap and bollocks, but it’s not enraging me this year the same way it has in the past.
It annoys me that I don’t know why it’s not annoying me as much as usual. But I’m also not going to complain – in some ways it’s quite nice to be a wee bit more tolerant of the whole farce than usual.
I don’t like (let alone love) the season and what it does to people – and I honestly doubt I ever will. But at least this year I also don’t hate it the same way I usually do.
Current Scams
Posted: Wed 25 July, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Geeky, People, Security, Thoughts 1 Comment »At the moment, there are a couple of interesting (and fairly well-crafted) scams going around. I’ve seen/received all of these in the last week or so.
First – the ‘we know what you’ve been up to‘ scam email.
It says something along the lines of “I know what you’ve been up to – when you were on that porn site (it’s noticeably non-specific on details) I loaded a screen-grabber to your machine, so we could record your ‘activities’“. Some of them also have something like “We know your password for the site was [whatever]” – the password is usually an old one that they’ve taken from a record including your email address, and gambles on people using the same password across multiple sites. (In fairness, most people do exactly this) And then it asks for a ransom “or your shame will be available for all to see” It’s pretty basic, but is apparently enough to scare a certain sub-set of people (AKA gullible idiots) who so far have forked out around $250,000 to the scammers.
Second – and there are two types of this currently bonging around – are the HMRC scams.
These basically draw on the whole paranoia about HMRC losing payments, or trying to take the business owner to court.
I’ve had umpteen emails about “Your payment hasn’t gone through” along with attached links or forms to fill in – always a pretty damn good clue that it’s a scam. And again, they’re all ridiculously non-specific, don’t mention a company name/details, or what the payment is supposedly for – another warning sign
The second type, which is a bit nastier, is the phone message – I’ve had a couple now, with a message saying “We’re issuing a warrant in order to discuss this matter with you“, and sounding a lot more official. Still no details though, or anything about what they’re wanting to discuss. (I know, in theory GDPR would also stop them from discussing, but that’s a side point for now) However, they show the phone number – in my experience, calls from HMRC and the like come through a switchboard, and usually show as “Unknown Number” – and a quick search on that number provides more than enough evidence that it’s a scam.
Of course, there are plenty of other scam emails out there – it’s just that these are the ones I’ve noticed specifically this week, and particularly after having received a couple of the “HMRC” calls yesterday and today, so I thought I’d write a bit about them.
Calling 101
Posted: Thu 19 July, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Milton Keynes, Thoughts Leave a comment »Every so often, I decide to play the role of “responsible human being”. Today, it turned out, was one of those days.
When I got in to work, I could see that three cars in the vicinity had been broken into (or at least had their windows smashed) so opted to do the ‘responsible human’ thing, and called 101 – the UK Police’s non-emergency number. No point in doing an emergency 999, as no-one else was visible, and the damages could’ve happened any time overnight.
So 101 it was. And while I get that it’s for non-urgent stuff and so on, but man alive, what an absolute faff.
The call goes through, and starts off with “Which police force do you require?”. (Probably because I called on my mobile – calling from a landline would’ve localised things. I assume) That’s fine, if you know who you need to speak to. But if I hadn’t known that Milton Keynes is covered by Thames Valley Police, I’d have been knackered from stage one.
Then we go on to a recorded message from the chief of Thames Valley. Why? No idea. I assume it’s part of the script of 101 – I’ve heard similar on other calls to different forces – but it seems (to me) to be utterly pointless.
And then we get the voice-response asking what you want to do. If you know the name/number you want to speak to, type it now, or press [whatever] to report a crime.
And then we get some piece of crap recorded message about victim support.
And finally, finally, when all that’s done, I finally spoke to someone – who was helpful, and made sense. But what a horrific fucking faff in order to do something I didn’t even need to.
All told, it certainly makes it easy to see why people prefer to call 999, even for non-emergency stuff. At least the response to it is quicker, and gets rid of all that recorded bullshit.
Time To Spare
Posted: Wed 13 June, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Car Repairs, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Getting Organised, Time Leave a comment »I’ve written before about my tendency to be horrifically early for things – I like having time to spare, and I’m happy with being where I’m supposed to be, with a book, phone etc., and can happily while away the time.
It also, on occasion, gives me time to sort things out when I’ve sodded them up – which was the case on Sunday.
The car’s air-conditioning has been noticeably weaker this summer, so I’d decided to have it re-gassed, and see if that made a difference. I booked an appointment with Kwik-Fit to get it done on Sunday morning, and turned up (early) to where I thought I had it booked in.
Only… it wasn’t booked in there. Knackers. I couldn’t find the confirmation email (still no idea what happened to that) so ended up having to call their main customer centre to try and find out. Turned out – either through my own stupidity, or some kind of system glitch – that it was actually booked on the other side of town from where I was. Knackers again.
But because I’d been horrendously early, it meant I still had the time to get across to the correct place in time for my appointment – and even had time to spare!
It all worked out fine in the end – but if I’d been punctual for the first one, I’d have been utterly kippered for getting to the proper place on time!
A Different Value of New
Posted: Wed 28 March, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Sweary, Television, Thoughts Leave a comment »Out of interest, how the hell do the BBC get to promote a show as “Brand New!” when it’s been exhumed from the 80s and 90s (and potentially the 2000s, too)
Yes, I’m referring to the “Brand New… Generation Game“.
What. The. Absolute. Fuck?
Darwin Strikes Again
Posted: Thu 15 March, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »I can’t deny, there’s a certain part of me that is quite happy with Darwinism, and the way idiots seem to find new and exciting ways to take themselves out of the genepool. (And before anyone asks, I’ve been reading the Darwin Awards for years!)
Today’s news carried the story of an American couple where one was killed “as a YouTube prank” because he believed that a thick book would stop a bullet. So he put said book over his chest, and got his partner to shoot him. Yep, you read that right. (It’s also worth noting that the book was only 1.5 inches thick. So, not very.)
Bear in mind, when people are testing firearms, one medium that’s used to fire into is a block of telephone directories. (You can see an example here on YouTube, and there are many others) So a book that’s less than two inches thick? Yeah, no chance.
As it turns out – unsurprisingly – the guy died. His girlfriend – the one he persuaded to make the shot – has now been jailed for six months, although as the story says, the sentence is actually pretty lenient, as it’s obvious that the entire plan was made by the now-deceased, and his partner was just an idiot who believed he knew what he was talking about.
Yes, it’s a sad story, but at the same time it’s also a story of pretty epic stupidity…
Married At First Sight
Posted: Mon 19 February, 2018 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, I Don't Understand, People, Television, Thoughts, Valentine's Day Leave a comment »Following on from Valentine’s Day, Channel 4 has a documentary series going about people who have allowed themselves to be paired up by scientists and specialists, signing up to meet on their wedding day. (It turns out that this is actually the third series of it in the UK – and the results on the previous two series haven’t been all that promising!)
They’ve done it with some run-up in order to do all the stuff like declarations of intent to marry, telling family and friends, and make all the preparations. So they get told that they’ve been paired up (and are now ‘engaged’) and then six weeks later they’ll meet for the first time and get married.
Thursday’s episode was the first one, and basically all the set-up and preparations. From there I assume it’ll be about the aftermath, and how they work out once the wedding is done.
Marriage is something that, to be honest, leaves me cold – it really hasn’t ever appealed to me at all, and it’s never been on the list of Things To Do. And so far, there’s never been anyone I’ve been with who’s changed that opinion, or made me think differently about it at all.
But I do still find it an interesting concept, and the whole arranged-marriage type thing, of seeing how people handle that and so on. Whether I continue watching the programme or not is a different matter, but for now it’s at least vaguely interesting. We’ll see.
Lightly Battered
Posted: Mon 28 August, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Food, Health, London, People, Stupidity, Thoughts, Travel, Walking Leave a comment »On Thursday, I walked with friends to the National Burger Day event, and slightly broke myself along the way.
The walk (from Euston to Canada Square) should be about 5 miles. However, it’s not a location I’ve walked to before, and I hadn’t prepared properly for doing so, so I made a couple of mistakes. We were going in generally the correct direction, just by a less-direct route than it could/should have been.
Additionally, it was a bloody warm day, I hadn’t got any water with me, and (as it turned out) my walking boots were pretty much dead, so I ended up knackered, hot, sore, and (by the end) pretty dehydrated. Which also added to the mistakes in the route-finding and map-reading. All told, that walk ended up being just under 8 miles. So yes, definitely not my finest day, by a long chalk.
When we eventually got to the pub we’d planned to stop at, I was – not to put too fine a point on it – fucked. I drank two and a half litres of water just while we sat there. That’s never a good sign. (Also, it turns out that my hands swell when I’m dehydrated, which is kind of odd, but good to know for future reference)
We still did the event, and it was OK – but there wasn’t anything that massively stood out for me, to be honest. As a result, I think there’s going to be some changes for me going forwards, but that’s going to be a post for another day, when I’ve thought about it some more. Change is afoot, to be sure.
When we were done, we decided to get the Tube back to Euston, and home. Much more sensible. And once I got home, taking off the boots and finding just how twatted my feet were was… interesting, and not entirely pleasant.
I’d say I’ll use it as a learning experience, and never do the same thing again, but we all know that’s not true, and that at some point in the future I’ll do something equally stupid. Or more so.
Under The Knife
Posted: Fri 4 August, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, People, Television, Thoughts Leave a comment »This could almost be a PIDU post – but it’s not, and I don’t quite know why myself. But anyway…
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been watching Botched, a programme about Plastic Surgery, and primarily fixing the bad jobs that’ve already been done on people. It’s a ‘reality’ series, and kind of annoying, but also weirdly interesting. I find it fascinating to see the things that people have had done to themselves, the things that they feel insecure about, and what they put themselves through in order to feel better.
Personally, I don’t get that whole surgical self-improvement thing – I’m far more of an “accept what you are/have” person, which seems to result in a lot less stress. Then again, I’ve never been pretty, so I don’t have that innate vanity that sees Just One Thing that’s wrong. I don’t feel the need to “fix” things, so it’s all just a bit… alien to me.
The people who do want work done (and in the greatest number of cases, it’s definitely ‘want’ rather than ‘need’) are of interest to me, looking at the mindsets that are so obsessed with that One Thing that needs ‘fixing’, that if they fix that, then everything will be fine (while also never actually addressing the underlying insecurities that are driving the desire for surgery in the first place) and wondering why they only look at fixing the physical, rather than the mental and emotional issues that cause them to focus on these things.
More than anything, I think I feel sad for a lot of the people, to have lives that are so focused on something like that, and to be so desperate to get it fixed.
Anyway, it’s a rotten reality programme, but it still interests me for the people involved. Which, I suppose, is the whole point of reality programming.
Bad Headline
Posted: Wed 2 August, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Media, News, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »One of my free local papers had an interesting front-page headline this week. It does seem a bit specific (and somewhat prophetic) though – I mean, if they already know that someone else will die within the week, wouldn’t you think they’d add in more guards, or make the area a bit safer during that time?
(And yes, I know what they meant to say – but it’s not what it actually says! Or at least it’s rather more open to interpretation, anyway)
Updates
Posted: Mon 19 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Geeky, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »Yesterday, I was a bit stumped about what to write for today – but luckily, AVG came to my rescue.
It put up a notice yesterday on my screen telling me that six of my installed programs were out of date – which is kind of a surprise, as I’m normally pretty good at that kind of thing.
Then I read the message properly…
You’ll need to click on it to embiggenify and make it properly readable – but basically, all six programs it was telling me were out of date were actually *more* up to date than the ones it wanted me to install.
So no, I don’t think I will ‘update’ them to keep my machine safe. For fuck’s sake.
CrowdFunding
Posted: Wed 14 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, London, News, People, Politics, Thoughts 1 Comment »OK, I’ve got a new doozy of a conspiracy/cynicism thing for you.
Remember a few years back, Cameron belted on about how cuts in services meant that “Big Society” should step up, and do the things that councils and governments could no longer afford to?
Well…
Since then, we’ve seen an explosion in crowdfunding stuff – goFundMe, JustGiving, etc., – and now, any time anything happens, one of those appeals gets started.
What if…. What if those crowdfunding sites are the Big Society plan – people paying what they can to help those less well off, or in trouble because of situations that’ve been initiated by councils and governments?
So like today, ‘raise £200,000 to help people at Grenfell‘ – a fire that’s at least been contributed to by the negligence and shitness of funding by councils and governments. And what’s the betting that those crowd-funded compensations take the place (to a degree) of councils having to take the strain and fund accommodation, clothing etc.?
It’s dark as fuck, but somehow it also makes sense…
#1 Dad
Posted: Wed 14 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Creativity, Cynicism, Design, Domestic, Geeky, Marketing, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Sometimes, you see something, and your brain just goes “What?!?” (or words to that effect, but with more swearing) Currently, there seems to be a theme connecting that with both Father’s Day and Star Wars.
Last year, we had the card with Kylo Ren…
[Spoiler from two years ago – Kylo Ren kills his father]
This year, I’ve seen this in Sainsbury’s…
I’m pretty damn sure they haven’t seen the same Star Wars films I have…
Parking Distances
Posted: Fri 9 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Milton Keynes, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »One of the things I like about working (and travelling) in Milton Keynes is their attitude towards parking, along with a nice dose of apparent cynicism and understanding of human nature/lazyness.
Milton Keynes has been pretty much designed around the use of cars (I know, it wasn’t originally so, but the New Town concept pretty much was) and thus there’s a lot of parking available. Sure, the city gets busy, but there’s usually parking spaces available.
The great thing though – in my opinion – is that they organised (and priced) the parking according to proximity to the main areas that people use. So the parking spaces that are the closest to the high-footfall areas are the highest-priced. If you go a bit further out – by which I mean a block, not miles – then the price is about a quarter of the highest-rate, which seems like a valid reward for being prepared to walk a bit more.
Note : I’m aware that this could also affect those with disabilities and mobility issues, but there are mobility and disabled spaces right next to the main areas, and they’re not at the high rates.
Down near the train station, there’s a great example. The closest car-park to the station now charges £8 for the day. But if you go to the next one – literally, the other side of the (dual-carriageway) road – then it’s £4. And if you’ve got a Milton Keynes Employee permit (which will be the subject of a separate post) then it’s even less – £2.40. So an extra distance of maybe 20 yards can save at least 50% of the parking cost.
As a plan and concept, it understands human nature and lazyness, and take some advantage of it. I think that’s brilliant, to be honest.
On Being A Cretin
Posted: Wed 7 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Do More, Domestic, Finances, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Organised, Health, Milton Keynes, People, Stupidity, Weigh Less Leave a comment »With life taking several turns over the last year, I’d given up a bit on going to the gym. OK, I’d given up on it a lot. So I’d put my membership on hiatus, paying a small maintenance fee rather than the full monthly amount. (Because while I’m definitely an idiot, as will be shown shortly, I’m not a complete idiot) It meant I wouldn’t have to pay a re-joining fee etc., and could reactivate things really easily once I was back to being in the mood for it.
Last month, I decided I wanted to get back to going. Again, a number of reasons, but mainly just realising I wanted to do more, as well as some preparation for my idiot event in September – of which more later.
So I went to the PureGym website, logged in, and reactivated my membership. Oddly, I had to pay a joining fee again, but I thought I’d just not read the terms and conditions properly, and it’s not a huge amount, so there we go. The proper payment comes out of my bank about a week later, and all good. Job done, I’m going back to the gym from June 1st.
Come June 1st, I look at my bank account, and there’s that maintenance charge again. Weird. Maybe it’s connected to that billing cock-up where I paid a joining fee.
So I call PureGym, to try and find what’s going on. They tell me that the Direct Debit reference I’ve given them isn’t connecting to any of their records, so they’ll need more information from the bank, to know where that DD started, where it’s going etc. Annoying, but indicative that a significant cock-up has occurred.
I ring the bank, and speak to someone there. Let’s cancel that under the DD guarantee, here’s the details, it’s a Direct Debit for The Gym… And a light goes on in my head. I’m a cretin.
For whatever reason, I’ve got “PureGym” in my head as the one I’m going to. (And it’s one I was a member of, in two different locations) Only that’s not the one I’m using. I’m using “The Gym”, and that’s where the maintenance payment’s come from. So I’ve re-joined a gym I don’t want, and not restarted the membership of the gym I do want. For fuck’s sake.
The lady at the bank (having laughed) reinstated the DD for the Gym, and re-paid the money to them that’d gone out that day. Then I went back to PureGym, explained that I’m a complete idiot, what had happened, and asked if it was possible to get my money and joining fee back from them. No problem if not, we’d class it as an idiot tax, but if possible it’d be great.
And they did. It’s not a standard thing, but I’d not used the gym, it was still on the first full day of “membership”, and – I suspect most importantly – I’d admitted it was entirely my fault, and that I’m a moron. (It also made them laugh, which is fine)
All told, I got lucky in many ways. I’m lucky that (in general) my bank are pretty good on this stuff. I’m lucky that both gyms in question are month-to-month ones rather than contracts. I’m lucky that the people in both cases were nice, and obviously far more used to people shouting and swearing, and making out it’s all Their fault.
I’ve not lost anything (except some self-respect) and it’s all worked out. But man alive, do I feel like an absolute cretin.
On Dealing With FitBit
Posted: Fri 2 June, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Domestic, Health, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »This week, I was unlucky enough to have to try and deal with FitBit‘s idiotic e-commerce system. I’ve had a Fitbit for several years now (well, two or three devices over that time, but all Fitbit devices) and the strap on the current one is getting a bit ropy, so I wanted to order a new one.
The ordering part is… OK, I suppose. Then we get to entering addresses. It tells me that it can’t validate my preferred delivery address at all, and won’t progress the order any further. Not “Would you like to add this address to the system?” or “Please confirm the details, and we’ll accept your word for it that you know where the hell you work“. Just point-blank ‘Computer says No‘ dead-end. So far, so unhelpful.
In fairness, that should’ve been the warning sign. But I carried on. Rather than delivering to my office, I’ll set it to deliver to home. That’s OK, except for the standard “Royal Mail PAF says this address should be in [nearest city], so do you want to use that, or the info you’ve entered”. I’m used to that – it’s ridiculous, but it’s PAF, so I’m used to it, and it’s not going to change.
Enter in the card details, all well and good. Do the ‘Verified By Visa’ bag-o’-shite verification, and complete the transaction. Get the email saying “It’s on its way”. Happy day, job done.
Or so I thought…
Half an hour later, I get another email. “There’s a problem with this transaction”, saying that either…
- The billing address provided doesn’t match the address on file with your financial institution (No, it matches fine)
- Your financial institution denied the charge for unspecified reasons (OK, maybe)
- Your financial institution denied the charge due to insufficient funds (Nope, definitely not)
- Your financial institution doesn’t recognise Fitbit.com as a vendor (that sounds like cock to me)
I call the card company. Nope, all fine, not even a declined transaction. And “doesn’t recognise the vendor” is a bag of cock. To quote them, “If it were for ISIS-Iraq.com, we might be blocking it, but not standard stuff”
I call FitBit, who are *massively* incompetent, unable to understand basic English, and can only “resubmit the transaction”. Can’t change the card details, just ‘resubmit it’.
“OK sir, that’s gone through fine, so you’ll get a confirmation in a minute”
“Has it actually gone through the card company this time?”
“Yes, it’s gone through fine”
“What’s the transaction authorisation code?”
“We don’t know yet, it hasn’t gone to the bank”
“……”
So…. Fitbit, these <sarcasm>masters of eCommerce</sarcasm>, don’t do the card transactions immediately. They cache them, for some fuckforsaken reason. And no-one knows ’til then what’ll happen.
When I checked the resubmitted one, the phone cretin had also decided to change the address for billing and delivery to the PAF-recommended one (without even asking) so I ended up talking to them again, they edited the order, and ‘confirmed the transaction’ again (i.e. re-submitted it, and played wait’n’see with the cards)
That failed too, unsurprisingly. Same email, you need to speak to us, same list of possible reasons. Card company re-confirms that absolutely nothing has touched the account – they’ve had a 1p pre-authorisation amount go through, which verifies the card details, but after that, nothing else has been received by them at all.
In the end, I’ve called Fitbit (again!) and just cancelled the order. There’s better and quicker ways to do this. Hell, I can get a pikey knock-off strap through Amazon for a tenth of the price, and it’d be delivered tomorrow.
The really telling thing though, for me, was that when I cancelled the order, there’s not even a process for it. No questions about why I want to cancel, no attempt to keep the order, nothing. Just “OK, that’s cancelled. You’ll get an email telling you so”. That tells you everything you need to know about whether a company gives a shit or not.
Bank Holidays
Posted: Mon 29 May, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Noise, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Here in the UK, today is a Bank Holiday – and that link is an interesting read, if you want to know more about why they exist etc.
Since moving to the current house – in my head it’s still the ‘new’ house, but that’s patently untrue, having been there five years now – I’ve become far less of a fan of Bank Holidays, mainly for one significant reason.
I live near(ish) to the only pub in my village. Usually that’s fine, there’s little-to-no trouble, and it’s all pretty decent. I’m yet to darken its doors, but that’s a different thing entirely. People come, people go, and it’s all good.
On Bank Holiday weekends, however, people seem to become fuckbags. The pub itself usually has some kind of event on – a band or whatever – and opens a bit longer, and both of those things are fine. But by the time we’re mid-evening, there are always people screaming and shouting, having arguments, and generally being cocks. And that goes on ’til gone two in the morning. Every Damn Time.
You can hear these arguments all around the place – the people involved try walking/stomping away, only to be followed by the other party, screaming and yelling to “get back ‘ere” and whatever (or my favourite, chasing after them yelling “Go on, fuck off then!”, which I still can’t get my head round) Fortunately, it rarely gets nasty – once or twice it has, but usually it’s just loud and twatty.
For me, it’s unavoidable. I live close enough to be in earshot, and to be on the main route back to most of the rest of the village, so short of being away on Bank Holiday weekends, I can’t miss what’s going on. It’s not a huge thing, just an annoyance, and it grinds on me after a while. The thing is, it also makes me not want to visit the pub at other times – and to be fair, I don’t need much of an excuse on that score anyway. It’s just another factor that adds to my Reasons Not To Bother.
One Minute
Posted: Fri 26 May, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, I Don't Understand, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Yesterday, a lot of people held a one-minute silence for the victims of Monday’s bombing in Manchester. Personally, I don’t really understand why this appears to have become one of the “done things” to do for any tragic event.
Yes, the bombing is awful, and should never have happened. The people who did it are unutterable motherfuckers, and deserve to be damned to whatever eternity their religion believes in. The victims shouldn’t have been victims, because this shit shouldn’t have happened.
But it did, and so we go on.
But what do these silences actually do? They re-focus attention on the event (but of course we’re not going to give terrorists the air of publicity that they crave, except when we then have every news broadcast for the next 72 hours focused pretty-much-purely on that event) and make people think about it even more. But we’re not going to let terrorists change our lives, are we? Except when we do, when there are now more armed police on the streets, and even more security on the streets, in airports and elsewhere – all of which changes our lives, and makes us think about terrorism even more.
I know the silences started off from the two-minutes-silence on Armistice Day – and I’m fine with that. But when did they become the done thing, the marker for every event?
I feel the same about the huge numbers of bouquets at the sites of deaths and tragedies. I get that people want to voice their sympathies, but when did a bouquet and gifts become the way to do it? It’s almost enough to make you wonder whether it’s not the florist industry behind it all, in a similar way to Valentine’s Day, just to improve their own profits – but this time out of the grimness and death of others. And the sodding cards that go with it – the ones that get read out in news broadcasts, that all seem to be suspiciously “on-message” for whatever’s been being reported.
The real start for the floral stuff seemed (to me) to be the death of Princess Diana, when flowers appeared everywhere, in true Damien Day style. Since then, they’ve accompanied every bloody event known to man.
Fine, people want to show their concerns, voice their sympathies and so on. But surely it’s better to do so with donations to a particular cause, with speaking up about (in the case of Manchester) terrorism and the like, to actually do something, rather than pay lipservice through a wallet and a minute’s silence?
Missing The Point
Posted: Wed 24 May, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, News, Stupidity Leave a comment »A brief extra post, containing the headline of the day (from this story on Metro) …
Someone may have just missed the point there…
PIDU : Missing the Main Attraction
Posted: Mon 8 May, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, Gigs, I Don't Understand, London, People, Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts 1 Comment »[PIDU = People I Don’t Understand]
There are many, many types of people I don’t understand – or at least whose thought processes are beyond me. That’s the theme of the PIDU posts (as mentioned here, although I’ll probably repeat this a few times) and may also become a bit of a throwback to the rants of yore. It may also just fade out. We’ll see.
Anyway, one of the many things that are beyond me are the people who turn up for a concert – indeed, a performance of any kind, really – or a film, and then keep on going out, or chatting, or really doing anything that doesn’t involve focusing on that main act.
In the cinema, it boggles my mind. People will rock up late, when the film’s already started. They’ll sit for a bit, eat their sodding popcorn, slurp their bastard drinks, and before you know it, they’ve got to go to the toilet. (I assume. They never come back having purchased more food or drink, anyway) Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people, that they can’t manage to control their bladders for a couple of hours so they can sit and watch a film they’ve paid good money to see? Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever had to walk out of a film in order to have a slash. Even in the five-ish hour Alien/Prometheus double-bill the other week.
I get it, some people have bladder issues, or continence issues, and there are other complaints along the way. But I haven’t been to a film in years where no-one walks out at some point in the showing, and then comes back. Yes, those issues exist, but a) so do preventive measures and things to cater for those issues, and b) I truly don’t believe that the issues are so prevalent that it affects that many people in Milton Keynes.
And then, of course, we get to the fuckknuckles who go to concerts and performances, and chat to their mates all the way through – a lot of the time barely even looking at the stage. If they are looking, these self-absorbed vacuous twatwoggles are filming the performance/act on their bastard phones and tables, and screwing things up for everyone behind them.
What’s the point? Why would you pay £20-50 per head to go to a concert and then not bother watching/listening? If all you want to do is drink beer and talk bollocks, you might as well save the ticket money, and fuck off to the pub. Let more people in that want to see the actual gig, rather than making them listen to your braying laugh and piss-awful “banter”. (speaking of which, anyone who uses the word “banter” or “bantz/bants” to describe their interactions with friends is a fuckwitted jizzwizard by definition) Just cock off and spend your money on lukewarm piss at a Wetherspoons round the corner.
At some point, it’s all going to annoy me enough that I walk up to one of these spaffbuckles and just ask what went through their minds, why they decided to go to a gig and then ignore it all, and just chat. It’s happened before, and all I got in return was a look of blank incomprehension (I’m pretty sure it was their default expression, in fairness) but it fascinates me, I want to know why they’ve decided that those actions are a good plan.
Maybe one day I’ll find out. But I can’t see it being any time soon, because those doing it don’t have the introspection or self-awareness to be able to explain those processes.
10,000
Posted: Thu 23 February, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, Health, Laziness, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over the last couple of days, there’s been some coverage about an American scientist (which seems to be a pretty endangered species in the Age Of Trump) claiming that fitness trackers and pedometers are pretty arbitrary, and not necessarily the best way to go.
Which, I think it’s fair to say, we can file under “Sherlock, Shit, No”.
Of course that 10,000 steps a day advice is arbitrary. Even the figure tells you it’s arbitrary – those nice round numbers for ‘ideals’ simply don’t occur that often in reality.
Hager claimed the 10,000 steps target dated back to a 1960s Japanese study that showed there were health benefits for men who burned at least 2,000 calories per week through exercise – roughly equivalent to 10,000 steps each day. An early pedometer was known as the manpo-kei, which means “10,000-step meter” in Japanese.
Really, if anyone is taking anything from these devices as gospel truth, they’re a fucking moron. At best, these devices are indicators.
The heartrate monitor is well known to not be accurate – but so long as it’s fairly consistent per user/wearer, it’s a decent-enough indicator of where you stand. And if it suddenly dropped to reporting 10bpm (or 200bpm) then anyone vaguely sensible would take themselves to a GP for a proper check.
The same’s true for the sleep monitor (which I do use). It’s not gospel truth. But it’s a decent-enough indicator of awake vs. disturbed ‘sleep vs. actual REM sleep. Do I believe it innately? Hell no. But does it consistently show me my bad nights vs. less-bad ones? (I’m yet to have a good night’s sleep) Yes.
And if you can’t rely on those indicators, why would you rely on the step monitor? Simple, you wouldn’t. Can you game it and mess figures simply by swinging your arms more? Yep. But what’s the point of doing that, unless all you’re interested in is attaining that arbitrary [x],000 steps in a day? The only benefit in that is you, and you’re just cheating yourself.
However, it does make for a useful indicator, and a reminder to actually move more. I can understand (kinda) why people make these things into targets, but really all that’s important is being more active. And that’s what counts.
Booked in Advance
Posted: Thu 20 October, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, 2016/17, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Organised, Health, Thoughts Leave a comment »Considering that I’m planning on a quieter year in 2017 without quite so many busy weekends, is it a good or bad thing that I’ve already got two things booked in for September 2017?
And of course, me being me, they’re both on the same weekend.
I suspect I may just be an irredeemable idiot.
Apprentice Thoughts
Posted: Fri 14 October, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Business, Cynicism, Domestic, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »Once again, the BBC has a series of the Apprentice running. And yet again, every single contestant currently appears to be an inveterate fuckknuckle with all the business skills of a bundle of second-hand scrotum skin.
What I don’t understand about the competitors (more even than being so massively underprepared and underqualified) is what think will happen afterwards. This year, there’s 18 competitors, and that means that 17 are going to lose, and go back to reality.
But anyone who has seen the programme will know that they’re insufferable, incompetent, and in most cases utterly vile human beings who couldn’t truly run a business if their lives depended on it.
So – what happens when they look for new work? Or even just return to the job where they’ve managed to negotiate a break or sabbatical? (Come to think of it, that situation might be even worse, with the added weight of expectations etc.)
I know that if, regardless of whether I were interviewing or being interviewed, any single one of them were in the room, I’d know they’re (at best) useless, gobby, opinionated, and shit at their supposed job; and wouldn’t work with them. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d do the same.
All told, pretty mind-boggling.
Eating Well For Less
Posted: Mon 22 August, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Brands, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, Food, Health, Laziness, People, Shopping, Television, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over the last few weeks, I’ve been watching the BBC’s “Eat Well For Less” series. It’s an interesting concept, helping people with their eating habits (and more accurately, their spending on food) by removing all the labelling and branding from food in people’s houses, removing all the prejudices etc. around their food spending. They replace expensive branded stuff with ‘own-brand’ or cheaper alternatives (and in some cases with more expensive, but better/healthier options) and also leaving some things alone. Additionally, they help people with recipes for their favourite meals, rather than buying pre-packaged and so on.
A lot of it is insanely annoying, but the core information is (in my opinion) worth it, for both the families on the programme, and people watching it.
But oh Dear God, those families are fucking pathetic. There’s lots of preconceptions about brands being preferred “because they wouldn’t be so popular if they weren’t the best” and so on, which drives me crackers.
The most recent one tonight, though, drove me crackers. One family member had been diagnosed as coeliac, and had spent six years eating salads he hated. Six. Fucking. Years. How does anyone end up eating stuff they don’t like for six bloody years? There’s no logic in it that I can see – unless they haven’t done any enquiries or research about what’s got gluten in and so on?
In this case they were buying loads of pre-packaged food – and I get that more, because they were so worried about cross-contaminating from their foods to his, and making him ill – but with no thoughts or understanding. I think the peak point for me was buying pre-packaged “gluten-free” rice, not understanding that all rice is gluten-free, in the name of Jesus H Pant-shitting Christ.
So yeah, it’s been an interesting series, but Holy DogEggs, some people are fucking lazy/stupid/pathetic*.
(* Delete as applicable)
Sporting Chronoclasm
Posted: Sun 10 July, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Sport, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Every year it boggles my mind that this weekend seems to be All The Sport – due to some epic scheduling, we always end up having the finals of Wimbledon on the same day as the British Grand Prix.
This year, we’ve also got the finals of Euro 2016, just in case we didn’t have enough bloody sport to contend with already.
Not that I care (in case you hadn’t guessed) as I won’t be watching any of it.
But seriously, how much organisation and planning does it take, to get three major sporting events to all climax/happen on the same damn day?
Slack Data
Posted: Fri 10 June, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Laziness, People, Privacy, SatNav, Security, Stupidity, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »In the car I hired last weekend, it had a load of built-in tech – Ford’s Sync system – that was quite interesting, not least for the fact that it worked really nicely and easily. Connecting my phone to the car was a doddle, the satnav worked well (and better than my usual stand-alone device in several ways) and it all just seemed pretty easy.
However. It’s obvious that it was designed for a standard “family car” scenario, rather than a vehicle that would be hired to many different users. Which makes sense, but leads to an interesting longer-term problem…
Basically, people are lazy – and don’t think about their data. So the convenience of connecting one’s phone to the car system for hands-free calls etc is great, as is the simple download of the phone’s address book to the system. But if you then don’t delete it when you take the car back to the hire place, it’s all available to the next user. The same applies to the satnav system – ‘recent destinations’ is a goldmine of activity, right down to house number and location. (And I suspect, with a bit of work, one could connect the destination to a phone number in that downloaded phonebook)
It just interests me, how little people care (or understand) about their information. I cleared down the whole car system before I returned it, which took less than five minutes all told. So it’s not much work, but it’s still work, which most people don’t seem willing to undertake.
I’ve suggested to the hire company that it should perhaps be part of the car sanitising process when it’s returned (or before it’s hired back out, whichever) although I realise that makes it more hassle for them, and there’s a lot of different setups in the various cars.
Of course, it’d be better if people cleaned up after themselves – or the car tech had a “forget everything” button/process (although that would still be too much effort for most people) that did the job. But that won’t happen until people realise how important this shit can be, and sadly that tends to only happen by negative paths/occurrences/events, and will always be learned too late.
Second Thoughts
Posted: Thu 21 April, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Charity, Cynicism, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), London, Stupidity 1 Comment »As I wrote a while back, I’ve signed up to the NSPCC’s “Climb the Gherkin” challenge in about eight weeks’ time. It involves walking (or, if you’re a lunatic, running) up the 38 flights of stairs inside the Gherkin in London to get to the top.
It’s fair to say, I’m having some doubts and second thoughts about the wisdom of it. It’s a lot of steps…
I’ve looked it up – because I’m an idiot – and now know that it’s over 1,000 steps to the top, and that’s making it all a bit real. There’s a lot of me to lift up that many steps, and really not many places where you can get to train or prepare for something like that.
I’ll still go, and I’m sure I’ll complete the challenge. It’s just that it might destroy me along the way…
Security Stupidity
Posted: Thu 24 March, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Design, Laziness, Milton Keynes, People, Security, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »Every so often, I’ll see a scenario that just leaves me utterly gobsmacked. Sadly, they’re usually based around security of some sort – for whatever reason, it’s something I’m generally pretty tuned in to, and aware of.
Yesterday’s one was an absolute blinder – and caused by a complete lack of thought/awareness.
While I was walking at lunchtime, the person in front of me was paying a bill over the phone. Using hands-free, so it was all done out loud. (I don’t quite get why some people use hands-free for conversations on mobiles while walking – particularly when they’re still holding the mouthpiece to their mouths anyway. People be weird)
That wasn’t so bad – he was entering the card details using the keypad, so in that aspect it was fairly secure. Not how I’d have chosen to do it, but hey, I’m not one to judge.
The bit where it all went tits up, though, was that the payment line then reads the numbers back to the user, as a confirmation. “If this is correct, press 1“.
It’s a scenario where the developers etc. have thought about how to confirm the card data, and it makes sense to read it back. They’ve just not seen the real-world situations where people then do these things in public, on hands-free speakers. But it meant that – were I a bad person – I’d have all of that guy’s card information (it even read back the CV2 validation number) which I could have made use of.
And in case anyone’s wondering, I did tap him on the shoulder when he’d finished the call, and explained that he really should get that card changed ASAP. If I could hear it, or if he does that on a regular basis, then the card is compromised, and it’s only fair to make him aware of it.
It’s up to him, of course – but the fact I told him his card number, expiry date, and CV2 (correctly – I really do need to get out more) certainly seemed to focus his mind somewhat…
Leap Day
Posted: Mon 29 February, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School Leave a comment »It’s February 29th, Leap Day
Only four years ’til the next one…
Desperate and Gullible
Posted: Tue 26 January, 2016 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Marketing, News, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »It was interesting yesterday to see the BBC’s piece about the growing prevalence of ‘online rental fraud’ – basically, where a fraudster/criminal advertises a rental property for a great price, and people then pay a deposit for it without ever seeing the property – because it’s a great price in a sought-after area.
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Yep – the fraudster doesn’t own the property, doesn’t represent the agents, and has no real connection to it at all. They’ve just grabbed photos, submitted the ad, and then people pay the ‘deposit’ into an account named by the fraudster.
Now, while I think it’s pretty scummy, I can’t help but also see it as more of an idiot tax. You’ve got to be pretty desperate – and pretty fucking dim – to put down money without seeing the place you’re renting, particularly without ever meeting an agent/agency/landlord etc. I know that these people are good at getting people to believe they’re valid, and that there’s this urgency – but really, it’s still taking advantage of people too dumb to look at a deal and think “what’s wrong with this picture?”
Maybe that’s harsh. Maybe not. For me, it’s hard to feel real sympathy for someone who just leaves themselves open to this sort of shit. Take a look at what one victim says in the article…
[He] said: “I was willing to take the flat without a viewing based on the location, just on the price of it.
[I felt] anger, disgust, I was really disappointed. I was thinking, ‘Wow I’ve spent money I couldn’t afford and what’s happening to me right now? I’m in a nightmare and I can’t wake up’.'”
I think the worst part, probably, is that now it’s been mentioned by BBC and on TV, it’s something that other scammers will look at and thing “Oooh, that’s a good idea”, so it’ll become even more prevalent…
Home Security
Posted: Tue 29 December, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Security, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over the last couple of years, I’ve walked round the village fairly frequently, just for extra exercise (and also, you know, why not?)
Over the last couple of days (the days between Christmas and New Year, which I saw someone call “the festive perineum”, which amused me more than it should have) while doing that route, it’s made me think about just how easy people make it for potential burglars, just by advertising that they’re not home.
No lights, curtains open, even stuff left outside the door. It’s really quite gobsmacking.
After all, it’s not like time-switches are rare (or expensive) – they’re the easiest thing to use to at least make a house look occupied. Yet even that simple thing seems to be beyond so many people. I (kind of) get it, if you’re in 355 nights out of the year or whatever, that it might not be something you bother with. But it’s not like the Festering Season comes as a surprise – and if you know you’re going to be away, why not spend a tenner and at least get a couple of timeswitches so you can put on a radio/TV and a light?
Maybe (hopefully) these people have never had a break-in, have never known that icky feeling that someone else – someone uninvited – has been in your home, has gone through your things. Let alone that that person has then taken some of those things, and you have to figure out just what has gone. I hope that’s the case, but it’s still no excuse for being complacent about it (in my opinion) and leaving oneself open to the chance of that happening.
It’s no excuse for complacency, but then, people so rarely seem to need an excuse to think “It’ll never happen to me”. Until it does – and then it’ll be everyone else’s fault.
Pushing the Limits
Posted: Mon 28 December, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Food Leave a comment »Over the last year in particular, I’ve been more and more interested in Michelin-starred restaurants, and have been to a few, as well as other high-end places that don’t have stars.
One that fascinates me is The Fat Duck, which re-opened this year after a major refit and refurb. However, regardless of that fascination, there’s no chance I’ll go – primarily because I just think their attitude currently is horrific.
For one thing, you pay upfront – the full price of the food, at the time of booking. And that price is exceptionally hefty – £255 per head, no less. That’s nothing short of obscene – while I’m sure it’s a remarkable one-off experience and rah rah rah, I could go to the three-Michelin-starred Alain Ducasse in London and have the full 10-course tasting menu. Twice.
Bear in mind, currently the Fat Duck has no Michelin stars. That’s worth remembering.
The attitude doesn’t improve when you start to read their terms and conditions, and even more so with their FAQs.
Among those, there’s a number of gems…
- You can’t get a table for one – the smallest is a two. And they won’t change that for anyone.
- You can’t arrive early and have a drink at the bar. There’s no bar. (I get that the place is small, but still)
- There’s no waiting list, or notification if someone cancels. You’ve just go to keep on checking on the website. That’s it.
- If you cancel the reservation and they can’t rebook the table (or if you cancel with less than 28 days to go) you don’t get your money back. Only if they can rebook the table do you get a refund.
- On top of that £255 per head – and a minimum of two people, so we’re already on £510 – they add a ‘discretionary’ 12.5% service charge to the bill. Plus, of course, any extra drinks, wine, etc. Even if you’ve only paid for the food, that’s an extra £63.75. That’s just taking the piss.
And all that, without even a Michelin star to its name. That is one hell of an ego at work.
So no, much as I’d love to go and experience it, the Fat Duck can fuck off.
Ghost Town
Posted: Fri 18 December, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Festering Season, Travel, Weirdness, Work-related 2 Comments »According to the BBC, today is the peak day for travelling around the Festering Season. Schools break up, companies close down, and people piss off on holiday – so there’s travellers alongside the commuters and so on. Supposedly, there’ll be more than 13 million journeys of at least 20 miles, which makes it even less of a joy than usual. (Which seems about right for the Festering Season, but then, I’m a cynic)
That figure’s an odd one though – journeys of at least 20 miles? Does that even qualify as a journey these days? In my head (which we all know is a strange place at the best of times) 20 miles is barely a trip, let alone a journey.
Round here, it’s been weirdly quiet all week – regardless of whether it’s on the roads, in town, or in the office, a lot of people seem to have already stuffed off. Which makes it all very peaceful. I suppose it’s easy for small companies (2 or 3 people at most) to take longer breaks and so on.
As it is, I’m working right through ’til the 24th (as usual) and so are the companies I’m working for at the moment. I don’t mind – but then, I’m not travelling, or doing much over the Festering Season.
For Your Safety
Posted: Fri 6 November, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Legal, News, People, Politics, Privacy, Security, Thoughts Leave a comment »You know, I for one am getting really tired of the government phrases “It’s for your safety” and “it’s for your security”, which are getting bandied around more and more.
This week it’s been used about blocking flights to and from Sharm El-Sheikh because of an alleged – but unproven – bomb in the hold of the plane that crashed in the Sinai desert last week. It’s also been used in discussions about monitoring everyone’s internet traffic and holding those records for at least a year, and in revelations about MI5 monitoring every domestic phone-call in the UK for the last ten years.
Governments like people to be scared – and more and more, we seem to be happy to let the government take these measures ‘because it makes us safer’. It doesn’t, it just gives up more information to the government – and all in the name of ‘safety’.
Basically, it’s shit.
[I know, I need to think more about this and write more. But it’s a phrase that bugs me every time it’s used]
Privacy Breach
Posted: Wed 2 September, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Agency Idiocy, Business, Corbett, Customer Services, Geeky, Laziness, Marketing, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yet again, today there’s a story about another place revealing a confidential list of customers in emails – and as usual, in what’s known as a Corbett round here (courtesy of a certain Irish marketing person) it’s looking like the leaker sent the email using CC instead of BCC.
In this case, the information is even more sensitive than usual, as it’s people who’ve used a particular STI clinic in London, and may have also revealed their HIV status. Oh, bloody whoops.
It amazes me how often this seems to happen – and how easy it should be to fix.
The first answer is, obviously, train people.
But after that, it’s about defending against laziness and stupidity. But even that’s pretty easy.
All it really needs is a block on recipients in CC. If you’re sending an email and it’s got more than (say) 10 addresses in the CC field, it simply asks if you’re sure you want to send it with those people in CC rather than BCC. That’s an email-client thing – but is easy to do.
It can’t be that difficult – my own email clients all already ask if I want to send an email with no attachments if the message contains keywords like ‘attached’ or ‘CV’, after all.
A similar thing could be done on the mail-server as well – put in a rule that if there’s more than [defined limit] of addresses in the CC, it doesn’t send without an authorisation, an acknowledgement that this is OK.
There will still be the odd blithering fucktrumpet who manages to send out a whole mailing-list in CC (or even To) – but at least make it harder for them to do so.
Surely that’s not asking too much?
Shoe Issues
Posted: Mon 24 August, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, Domestic, Getting Old(er), Health, Milton Keynes, Stupidity Leave a comment »Since doing the 10km walk for Marie Curie, my feet have been having some issues, which have been no fun.
In the preparation for the walk, my feet had gained some hard skin areas, which – like a twat – I’d picked apart. To stop them from hurting or getting worse on the walk, I put on a couple of blister plasters – whose glue melted off during the walk, and actually caused the blisters I ended up with. Oops.
The blisters cleared up and healed quickly, but left some weaker spots of skin, which have then been a bit of an issue.
Basically, the Cat boots I’ve had this year haven’t been anywhere near as good as usual, and the lining had dissolved in places – again, causing blisters in the bits that rubbed, and those weaker spots of skin. Because I’d bought them from Schuh, I was able to take them back to the store, and they’ve exchanged them for a new pair without question – which is pretty stunning customer service, in my opinion. However, because they’d died, I had worn an older pair for the day – and that exacerbated the problem tenfold.
Because I’m an idiot – so I’d walked a lot in those old, old boots, with their worse wear. I didn’t think anything of it ’til the end of the day, when I got home – at which point I had blood-filled blisters on blisters. Pretty skanky, and very sore. As a result, yesterday I spent the day doing amazingly little, and just giving my feet some recovery time. Which seems to have been a fairly good plan, all things considered. I didn’t even do half my normal walking for the day – which I feel bad about, but at least it was for a vaguely good reason.
All this has been within a couple of weeks – it’ll all heal, but it’s been a painful time because of my own stupidity (and some ropy build quality along the way).
So really this post is just a reminder to future me to not be such a fucking idiot, and to take more damn care of my own feet.
And that’s it.
Ker-Fut 2 – Getting to the Garage
Posted: Mon 6 July, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Car Repairs, Customer Services, Domestic, Driving, Getting Organised, Insurance, Milton Keynes, People Leave a comment »F0llowing on from Friday’s car issues, it’s been a semi-eventful weekend.
When I got home on Friday, my first job was sorting out a hire car for the coming week (possibly two) as I’m all over the place. That got sorted relatively easily – one place was closed, and I’d have had to call their Glasgow office to try and find out what was available (a ridiculous state of affairs, and frankly, fuck that) and the second one, while closed, enabled me to book a car to be collected the following morning, in a dead easy process.
And then it was a small case of hunting for the necessary identity documents. Driving licence (and the new necessary code from DVLA for the online driving record – needed since the paper part of the licence is now outdated) was OK, as was passport – but finding documents to prove address were somewhat more difficult, as I now do all my bills online, so rarely get anything “official” through the post. (As an aside, I wonder how that will change things over the next couple of years, as more and more paper-based stuff is removed/reduced/made into a cost) I did find the necessary bits in the end, but it’s getting to be more hassle than it should be.
Collecting the car (a new Vauxhall Insignia, which is not at all bad, as Vauxhall’s go) was an absolute doddle. The place is quite new, but was really a case of walk in, do the paperwork, check the car, bugger off. All told it was less than 30 minutes – fairly impressive. Because I’d used the same company before (when the Mondeo died on me) I had a lot less ID-checking to do – which seemed odd, as that was two-and-a-half years ago, and lots could’ve changed since then – but it was a nicely painless experience all round.
I’ve plonked about with it a fair bit over the weekend, and yeah, not bad at all.
I’ve also been looking at replacement vehicles – I suspect the Saab has blown up significantly, and will be more to repair than it’s worth, so I’m sounding out alternatives – and there’s a couple I’m going to check out this week, once I know more about the state of the Saab.
And then we come to getting the Saab to the garage. I’d thought a lot about this, and decided that the best plan would be to drive it (slowly, and along backroads) to the garage on Sunday, avoiding all the heavy traffic and any potential issues. If it died, well, I’ve got recovery as part of my car insurance. I left it ’til later in the Sunday, rather than trying to do it while people were still going shopping and so on. I did have my doubts about the plan – but figured it was infinitely better than trying to do it on Monday evening, let alone Tuesday morning!
Anyway, set off lateish on Sunday afternoon (about 5.30) and it was all fairly successful. I got most of the way fine, but then it did die out properly, so I had to do the recovery thing. In fairness, even that ended up going really smoothly – the recovery vehicle turned up within half an hour, and took me to drop the car off at the garage. (I was actually really lucky, because one thing I hadn’t taken into consideration was the fact it was the Grand Prix at Silverstone, so traffic and breakdowns were greatly increased later on!)
Then it was just a case of dropping off the keys, and getting a cab home – all told, I was home by 8pm, which wasn’t bad, when everything was taken into consideration.
Average Speed
Posted: Tue 2 June, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, Driving, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »[No, for once this isn’t about the fuckwits who can’t drive properly with average speed limits/cameras on the M1]
A couple of times in the last week, I’ve witnessed something a bit different when following other drivers on the more rural roads around me. It’s people who seem to stick to a speed, regardless of what’s going on around them.
There’s a few winding roads near me on key routes – A-roads to get me to see the parents, for example. They’re decent roads, but with absolutely no way to safely overtake when you’re following a fuckwit, crane, HGV etc. – which can make those roads… somewhat wearing.
In this case, I was behind a silly bastard who was sticking to 45mph like shit to a blanket. The road is national-speed-limit, and perfectly doable and safe at 60mph, but no, 45 it was. Then we get to a village on the road, the speed limit goes down to 30 (for good reason – it’s good a big-ass set of bends in the middle, as well as everything else) including the flashing warning signs if you exceed that. But no, silly bastard still sticks to 45. So we’ve gone from too-slow to too-fast, without him moving a muscle. That takes some skill, I suppose.
I’ve seen a couple of other drivers since with the same mind-set, and it’s no less frustrating or weird when you see more than one person doing it.
What I can’t work out is whether it’s pig-headedness (“I’ll get where I need to go at 45, it’s a fine speed”), ignorance (“I don’t care about anyone else, I’m going at my speed”) or just a complete lack of awareness of their surroundings, so they don’t even see the signs, or the line of cars in the mirror.
I just don’t know. They’re bloody scary to follow though…
Self-Inflicted Damage
Posted: Wed 13 May, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Sport, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »[Note : As always, I don’t actually give a shit about sport/cricket – I’m more interested in the mindset beneath it in this case]
Over the last couple of days, the news has been full of bloody Kevin Pietersen throwing a strop about not being allowed – yet – back into playing cricket for England.
Apparently a while back it was…
suggest[ed he] could add to his 104 England caps if he joined a county and scored enough runs to merit a recall.
(Quote from the BBC story)
Pietersen did this, and fair play to him. Earlier this week, he scored a personal best innings, something like 350 not out. So he’s assumed that on that one showing, he should be allowed back into the England team.
He met Andrew Strauss – the new ‘director of cricket’, apparently – who said there was no chance this summer, and that some people didn’t trust Pietersen. Which is also fair – Pietersen’s always been an asshat.
But now he’s thrown his toys out the pram about it, and has written about how he feels ‘deceived’ and so on in his column in the Telegraph.
Really, all it seems like is a whining brat. Yes, he’s done what was asked, and had one excellent innings. But that doesn’t make a team player, and doesn’t mean he has to be immediately accepted as part of the England team.
Indeed, if anything is now going to make sure he doesn’t get back in, I’d say it’s his own behaviour in this. (Of course, he won’t see it like that, because he’s perfect and no-one else is. Rah rah rah. Standard asshat behaviour) I would’ve said he might have a chance if he continues to excel at county level – the same criteria as could be applied to any other up-and-coming player.
But really, how can you trust anyone who throws their toys out like this at any opportunity? When they decide to destroy their own chances and credibility, in a fit that looks more like the act of a stropping toddler kicking their feet and screaming in a supermarket than one of someone wanting to play for – and thus represent – a country’s cricket team?
Electioneering
Posted: Thu 7 May, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), People, Politics, Thoughts Leave a comment »I will be really glad to see the end of this week, with the General Election being completed and a result being in.
The biggest challenge this year has been in finding someone – anyone – that I actually want to vote for, and wouldn’t want to punch myself repeatedly in the face if they got in.
I suspect today’s election will end up being another coalition and a parliament built on compromise and cobblers, but I still hope that all the punditry and bullshit will be confounded by one party winning enough votes to have overall power.
But that’s it, and I’ll just really be glad when it’s over. And from there, a new idea/phase/plan can kick in a bit, and see how things go. Another five-year project/plan, shall we say?
A Very Good Deal
Posted: Sun 3 May, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, Getting Organised, Shopping, Weirdness Leave a comment »Over the weekend, my toaster finally died. (You can tell this one’s going to be interesting, can’t you?) It’s done fairly well, daily service for three years, if not more. Over Easter it had started playing up, but then on Saturday it gave up completely.
So – off to the retail superstore of gloom. (It’s closest, I couldn’t be arsed with faffing about too much, and I had some vouchers to use up)
I had a look, and decided on this one, mainly because it’s purple – I’m shallow like that – and because it was £10 off the marked price, so £40 instead of £50. Fair enough.
But when I got to the tills, it scanned at … hang on … £19? OK, I’ll check it with the customer services, but that’ll do.
As it was, I also had a number of vouchers (all in “You would’ve saved £x at a different store, so here’s the difference” price-match vouchers) that came to £25. So I effectively ended up with Tesco paying me £6 for my new toaster…
I don’t know quite how it all worked out like that, but I’m not going to complain.
[Additional] : When I went to customer services to check, in case a) the price was wrong or b) their system was wrong, I waited ages to be seen and then the person involved said “Oh, for electrical enquiries you’ve got to go back upstairs and ask them“. To which my thought response was “Fuck that, if you can’t be arsed to check it, I can’t be arsed to report it any further“.
So – a nice new toaster for the princely sum of minus six pounds. I can live with that.
Make Up Your Damn Mind
Posted: Wed 29 April, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, Food, Health, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »While shopping this morning, I looked at “Glaceau Vitamin Water“. Not for any intention of buying, just out of interest (I got a promo thingy for it, so thought I’d look).
The labelling is….. interesting.
Zero or not?
So… “Zero Calories”, but 100ml contains 1.5 calories, and 500ml contains 8calories.
All told, that makes it a pretty interesting interpretation of “zero”…
April 1st
Posted: Wed 1 April, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, D4D™ Leave a comment »And so, another International Day of Japery and Shit Tricks/Jokes/Pranks.
Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Normal programming will be resumed tomorrow.
Six Weeks and Counting
Posted: Mon 30 March, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, News, Politics, Thoughts 1 Comment »Last night (well, technically this morning, as it happened at 00:01) the UK Parliament was dissolved, in preparation for the General Election on May 7th.
So that’s six weeks of most televised news coverage/programmes, with pontificating ballbags – both politicians and commentators/experts/specialists spouting loads of crap from all the available parties about what they promise to do for the next few years (and almost certainly won’t actually do, once they get in)
As with the run-up to the Festering Season, I’m going to try and avoid as much of it as possible.
I will do (and have been doing) my own reading on who to vote for – mainly by using the actual party’s websites, but also this outline guide, which is vaguely handy – who to support and who not.
I’m still considering (and at this point strongly considering) doing my own party for the next General Election, and seeing how things go. It could be entertaining – which is more than I can say for the next six weeks of bullshit…
Missing Limb
Posted: Mon 30 March, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Getting Organised, Stupidity, Technology, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »This morning I somehow managed to leave my phone at home. (Well, I hope it’s at home – otherwise I’ve done something really stupid with it)
It’s quite an odd feeling really – you only realise how much you use the damn thing when it’s not there. The ubiquity of a smartphone for simple things is suddenly noticeable.
Already today I’ve had several thoughts of “Oh, I’ll just get the phone and…”, followed by the realisation that I can’t.
Calling it a “missing limb” is a bit hyperbolic, but it’s definitely a feeling of something missing, something you’re used to having around that’s not there any more.
I’ll be fine – it’s not like I’m surgically attached or anything – but every so often something will jar, and I’ll think “Bollocks” again.
Let’s just hope the damn thing is at home. I’m sure it is, but there’s that nagging ‘what if you did something dumb?‘ mental voice going on…
Change is Gonna Come
Posted: Mon 16 February, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, Getting Organised, nPower, Utilities Leave a comment »As per comments on the previous post about my asshole energy suppliers, I will definitely be looking at changing them this year.
However, because of the ongoing billing fuckups, right now I have no decent figures for comparison purposes. I’m sure I’m not getting a good deal from the cockwhistles at nPower, but I don’t actually know for sure how bad the deal is. I haven’t had a clear and accurate bill in nearly three years – which makes figuring anything else out into quite a struggle.
As always, I don’t see the point in changing anything until I know I’m getting a better deal – so for now I’ll be keeping things with nPower.
However, that’s only for the next couple of months, during which time I’ll be keeping an eye on actual usage and what I’m paying. Once I’ve had the next bill, and know more about the usage and expectations, I’ll be able to make a far better estimation of what I’m spending versus what I could/should be spending.
And from that point, I’ll then have to decide whether I’m going to stick with [current location] for at least another year’s tenancy. If I am, and there’s a good offer around, I’ll swap. Until then, it’s going to be about making sure I’ve got the figures to back up the decision one way or t’other…
Energy Madness
Posted: Sat 14 February, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, nPower, Stupidity, Thoughts, Utilities, Weirdness 2 Comments »Since moving to the new (current) place, I’ve had an ongoing (and too depressing for words) set of issues and disputes with nPower. These have included, but not limited to
- Not having the correct name on the account for eighteen months, despite repeated requests to change it
- Losing documentary proof (including my tenancy agreement) of my address. Originals were insisted upon, sent recorded delivery, signed for, and then lost. Hard to place blame anywhere except nPower
- Billing issues – my bills went up, down, sideways, and every way except correctly
- Misrepresentation – sending a meter reader into my house under the guise of being someone to do ‘legal gas meter checks’. (This was also while the bill/account was in the wrong name, so there was also some issues legally around that)
- A meter reading done by a representative of nPower, who then managed to register that reading to a completely different address, and denied ever having done one for this house. (Despite his having done readings/visits recorded to every other house in my block at the same time)
So it’s fair to say that I regard nPower as incompetent useless dickwhistles at the best of times.
Today, though, has taken it to a whole new level.
Things have settled down somewhat, and on Tuesday I gave them a meter reading directly through the website. At that point, my account was £1.62 in credit. Happy day, all well and good.
Today I logged in for a quick check. £595.82 in credit. Um, what? So I look, and it’s got four cancelled bills, adding up to the amount in credit. Four bills I’ve received, and paid. Now cancelled. File under “Fuck, What The”
So I gave them a call. The first incompetent managed to put the phone down on me. So I called back, and finally got through to one of the (few) efficient and competent individuals who work at nPower. (I’m quite sure she won’t last long, having been actually pleasant and competent)
It turns out that – once in receipt of a valid meter reading – nPower cancel out all the estimated bills back to the previous correct reading. They then recalculate all those bills with the correct figures (although technically they must still be estimates of what was used, averaging out the figures over the number of bills) to bring everything back up to date. So for however far back, the bills get cancelled – despite having been printed, posted and paid – and then recreated. Then I’ll know what I need to pay to be up to date.
Except of course that they’ve also got to send out all those new bills. So next week I’m going to get five bills from nPower – the four reconstructed ones – as well as the one to bring me up to date.
Now, I realise that this is something that’s required by the energy regulator – but does it strike anyone else as a completely fucking barking way to run a business?
Shit on the Sidewalk
Posted: Thu 5 February, 2015 Filed under: 1BEM, Animals, Domestic, People, Sweary, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’ve come to the conclusion that in some circumstances, I bloody hate dogs. Well, more the dog owners, rather than the dogs themselves. Let me explain…
Every time I walk around the village in daylight (which I do a fair amount, due to an increased rate of exercise etc.) there are areas that are just covered in dog shit. Particularly in the area where it’s footpath across fields, any time you step off the pavement (for a cyclist, or other people) you’re at risk of stepping in shit. It’s even riskier in the evenings, because you’ve no chance of seeing the fucking stuff.
There are shit bins at either end of this particular footpath, but no, these people just allow their dogs to shit and leave it. They also let it happen in the alleyways between houses – as a houseowner there, I’d be debating CCTV and/or violence. I wonder how they’d feel if I went and took a dump on their doorstep one day?
As a prospective dog owner (or indeed an actual dog owner) you must surely understand that picking up dog shit is part of the deal. I always understood that, and would pick it up wherever possible – obviously if they’ve run across miles/fields and there’s no-one ever going to go in that direction, you’re less likely to pick it up – but if it was ever near/on somewhere people would regularly walk, I picked up after Hound.
The facilities are there. Fucking use them. People piss me off.
Publicity
Posted: Sun 21 September, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Media, News, Politics, Thoughts 1 Comment »Over the last few weeks, there’s been a whole load of stuff talked about IS (AKA Islamic State, Isal, or ISIS) – both stuff about hostages held by IS (and the killing thereof) as well as politicians saying how people who go to fight for IS in Syria and the like are just Wrong.
Maybe I’m missing something, but surely if you don’t want people to go and fight for IS etc., there’s a few things that could be done ?
- Don’t keep feeding them the oxygen of publicity. The more they’re mentioned, the more they’re talked about and covered in the media, the more they’ll be seen as an attractive option by those of a certain persuasion / defective nature.
- If you feel they have to be publicised, you do the same as happened to the IRA, where no spokesman was allowed to be broadcast, any statement was done by an actor’s voice, so on and so forth.
- And make sure you don’t show anything but disgust for them. Fuck impartiality, allow presenters etc. to show what they think. Make it clear, say “The terrorist organisation IS has done this, but that’s the most we’ll say about it”.
If you take away the glamour of the organisation, stop feeding them airtime and headlines, they’ll stop being popular.
Of course, the other thing that can be done is to stop focussing on, and alienating, those sectors of the populace, making them feel that the country is against them.
As an example of that, I’ve a colleague who happens to have the surname Ahmed. He flies a lot for the company at the moment, and has been told – in no uncertain terms – “Oh, your name makes sure you’ll never be on the accelerated access programme to get back into the UK”. That’s a completely law-abiding, tax-paying, UK-resident, UK-born person, who now feels more victimised than he has any right to.
But of course as a nation, we’re not letting terrorists win. Riiiight.
Miscalculation
Posted: Mon 18 August, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Geeky Leave a comment »People always say that if there’s one thing computers can do, it’s count.
That really doesn’t explain this particular status message…
Which is a bit of a worry
Perfect Timing
Posted: Thu 31 July, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Insomnia, Sleep - or lack thereof, Sweary, Technology 4 Comments »On a totally different note, why is it that batteries in smoke alarms and CO2 detectors *always* need replacing at 4am?
Bastard bloody things.
Still, at least I now know – not that I had any doubt, and I certainly didn’t need any proof – that I can’t sleep through a CO2 alarm.
(And of course yes, I can now – because I pulled the dead/dying batteries out of the fucking thing)
Interesting Parking
Posted: Wed 30 July, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Driving, London, News Leave a comment »In today’s news, “Driver crashes through railings into Elephant and Castle Subway” (the underpass, not the fast-food sandwich place)
And wouldn’t you know it? It’s a BMW driver. Colour me totally unsurprised.
Covering All Options
Posted: Mon 7 July, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, News, People 3 Comments »Is *anyone* really surprised at the news over the weekend that it’s “fairly likely” that allegations of paedophilia by famous people in the 70s and 80s were hidden and denied by politicians? I know I’m not surprised at all.
What did amuse me (or made me despair, I’m not quite certain which) was the quote explaining how documents had gone astray…
The Home Office’s 2013 review found 527 potentially relevant files which it had kept, but a further 114 were missing, destroyed or “not found”.
Well, “Missing, destroyed or ‘not found’” pretty much covers every eventuality, doesn’t it?
The Devil in the Details – Lloyds
Posted: Fri 23 May, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Cynicism, Finances, Marketing, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s post about Nissan’s dodgy advertising, maths and small-print, the other ad currently incurring my ire is from Lloyds Bank, advertising their new “Club Lloyds” current account.
Now, while I think that clubbing Lloyds would be a fantastic idea, that isn’t the thing with this new account. Here’s the ad…
And again, here’s that small-print, while they’re bleating on about how great it is to have an account paying 4% interest…
Pay two separate monthly Direct Debits to earn variable tiered monthly interest. 4.0% AER (3.93% Gross) on balances between £4,000 and £5,000. Lower rates apply for lower tiers
So yep – that 4% interest ONLY applies if you keep more than £4,000 in your current account – but below £5,000. And if we look at that Club Lloyds webpage, what do we find? (I’m going to paraphrase, but you can look for yourself)
- Balances from £1 – £1,999.99 – 1% interest
- £2,000 to £3,999.99 – 2% interest
- £4,000 to £5,000 – 4% interest (and note how that band is half the size of the other two)
And right at the bottom of the explanation?
We don’t pay interest on amounts over £5,000.
Yep – no interest at all if you’ve got over the £5,000 in there.
Fuck you, Lloyds.
The Devil in the Details – Nissan
Posted: Thu 22 May, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Corbett, Cynicism, Driving, Green, Marketing, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »As regular readers will know, I have a really bad habit of reading the small print. (I say ‘really bad’ although it’s not – anyone who doesn’t deserves everything they get. It’s just ‘really bad’ from the advertiser’s perspective) There’s two ads doing the rounds at the moment that annoy me, so you know what? You get two posts out of it. Lucky you.
The first (which arrived in my inbox just now, and motivated me to write it) was for a leasing arrangement on a new car – a Nissan Leaf, if anyone cares.
The deal offered is this :
The 100% electric New Nissan LEAF Visia Flex FROM ONLY £199 A MONTH*
WITH A £3,250 ADVANCE RENTAL CONTRIBUTION
OK, so they mention that “Advance Rental Contribution” (which is a deposit, surely?) right at the start, and already it’s skewing the figures. But then we get to the bottom, and the small print…
Finance is available subject to status on eligible new vehicles registered between 01/04/14 and 30/06/14 in the UK to persons aged 18 or over. Rental stated is for Nissan lease. Advance rental of £5,750 (includes £3,250 Advance Rental Contribution) followed by 48 monthly rentals of £199 a month and final rental of £6,201.
Hang on – £5,750 upfront? That’s another £2,500, on top of the “Advance Rental Contribution” – where has it come from, and what’s it for? Even if you take out the first month’s £199, that’s still £2,300 unexplained. Fucking hell.
All told – with all those amounts listed, that comes to £21,503. For a poxy Nissan Leaf.
But then it gets better… (Sorry, “better”)
Once you have paid the final rental you can keep using the car by paying an annual rental of £50 + VAT; if you choose Nissan lease then you will never own the car.
As well as entering in to a lease agreement for the vehicle, you will need to enter in to a separate lease agreement for the battery. Monthly price shown includes the on-going monthly battery lease charge of £70.
Now they’re just taking the piss, surely ? So even when you’ve stumped up your £21,503 – sorry, £21,563 including that little final ‘annual rental’ charge, then you will *still* be paying £70 a month for the fucking batteries?
Up yours, Nissan.
Parking Mad
Posted: Thu 24 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Customer Services, Cynicism, Driving, Parking, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »At the moment, the BBC has a documentary series on about Traffic Wardens (Parking Agents, Collection Agents, whatever else you want to call them) called “Parking Mad” and it’s been pretty interesting.
What I find most interesting is the people who don’t pay their parking fines, then get all snotty and sweary about it when the costs for it go up and up.
No matter how paranoid you are, I think the great majority of parking wardens just give tickets to people who’ve overstayed their tickets, not bothered, or are parking like cunts in the first place. I’ve spoken to a fair few over the years (I’m a twat for talking to just about anyone) and haven’t ever really come across a bad one. I’m sure they exist, don’t get me wrong – I just don’t believe every one is a bastard, or hates every other driver.
So if you’ve got a ticket- and again I emphasise that this is In My Experience Only – the odds are that you’ve fucked up and done something wrong. The ticket is going to cost you £30 to pay in the next 28 days, or £60 after that (and with extra costs the more they have to do to recover it) – so just sodding pay it. It’s a fee for fucking up.
I think I’ve now had four parking tickets. Two in Cambridge (where I’d be the first to admit that I pushed my luck anyway, and/or forgot to renew the ticket at the end of its duration) and two in London when I was commuting, and had a brain-fart about paying the ticket. The London ones were a pain, because you couldn’t buy the ticket before 9am- not from the machine, not online. I *know* it was a plan to get more people to forget to pay it, and thus do the tickets. But in six months, I forgot a grand total of twice.
I just don’t get the point of not paying a ticket – you know you’re going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it paid while it’s cheap. Even if I were going to protest it, I’d pay while lodging the appeal. (Unless it’s better to not do so – I don’t know, never had to do it)
The programme seems to specialise in these ball-bags who park like twats, make a mistake, and then blame everyone but themselves. Of course, they don’t pay, and then bitch even more when the bailiffs come round (or stop them in the road) and charge £500 for what could’ve been dealt with for £30.
I’ve said many times that there’s whole heaps of stuff about people that I simply don’t get. Parking tickets are just one more facet of that lack of knowledge/understanding.
Gabriel Again
Posted: Wed 23 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Getting Organised, Gigs, Music Leave a comment »Back in October, I was supposed to go and see Peter Gabriel at the O2. Tickets paid for, car-parking paid for, all prepared. And then my body rebelled, so I didn’t get to see the concert. Which was seriously bloody annoying.
Today, tickets went on sale for another concert, this time in December at Wembley Arena.
I’ve got a ticket.
I’m going to go. I am, I am.
Skewing Perceptions
Posted: Tue 15 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, News 1 Comment »This story from Business Insider contains one of the worst (or cleverest, depending on your perspective) graphs in history.
The story is about gun deaths in Florida, and contains the graph below, created by Florida’s Department of Law Enforcement.
Looks like deaths went down after the “Stand Your Ground” law came in, doesn’t it?
But no, look at that Y axis on the chart (or the bold ‘totals’). The scale is upside down – so gun deaths actually increased after that law came in.
I can hear Blue Witch gnashing her teeth about that graph already…
People Carriers
Posted: Fri 4 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Travel 1 Comment »As has been noted before on here, I do a fair amount of driving on any given week, mainly for commuting. It’s about 400-500 miles per week at the moment – although I’ve had greater mileages, and lesser ones.
One of the things I notice during those drives is how drivers do seem to group up, and that certain groups are infinitely worse than others. There’s always the usual culprits – BMWs, Audis, and White Vans, but there’s another one I notice more over time. MPVs, or people carriers.
I don’t know if it’s because BMW et al don’t actually do people carrier vehicles, but it does seem that MPV drivers are on a par with BMW drivers. In particular it seems that Citroen Xsara Picasso (now renamed the C4 Picasso, I think) are a breed of shit drivers. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen these vacuous bell-ends approach roundabouts in the wrong lanes, cut across lines of traffic, cruise across busy roundabouts, stick their cars into the flow of traffic, weave across multiple carriageways, and generally act like cunts.
So yes, welcome to the ‘shit drivers’ group.
- BMWs and Audis
- White Van drivers
- MPVs – and Picasso drivers in particular.
Mislaid
Posted: Fri 28 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Films, Finances, Getting Organised, Kindle, Reading, Stupidity Leave a comment »I am, on occasion, a bloody idiot. Last night was a prime example of that.
I went to the cinema to see the new Captain America film, and also had a meal. Because I was out like that, I took my Kindle, and because it was chiffing cold, I also took a jacket. (I’m normally pretty immune to cold, and don’t bother with jackets or coats at all)
When I got to the cinema, I put the jacket down by the side of the seat, with the Kindle in its inside pocket.
When I left the cinema, I also left the jacket – because it’s not in my mental software to get it, I completely forgot about it. I am, in short, a complete fucking idiot.
I went back this morning first thing (I had a day off anyway, for a number of reasons) to see if they’d found it, but no-one had handed it in. I’ll check again, just in case it’d been held over somewhere, but the odds are that the jacket and the Kindle are gone.
Of course, things could have been so much worse. It could’ve been an expensive coat/jacket, I could have left my wallet in the jacket as well. The Kindle could have had my payment details in it, or personal information. A couple of years ago, the loss of something like this would have knackered me, would have led to some financial juggling and so on just to replace it.
Now though, I’ve already registered it as lost, ordered a replacement, and it’s really not a big problem. It’s annoying – and of course a reminder that I’m a fucking idiot – but it all could have been so much worse. Indeed, it’s gone some way to showing me the changes that have happened over the last year or so, and in that, it’s no bad thing.
Pheasant Terrorism
Posted: Wed 26 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, News, People, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »Some days I pretty much despair of the human race. (OK, OK, most days. Nearly every day.)
Yesterday’s example was caused by this story in the BBC about a pheasant ‘terrorising’ people at a farm in Cambridgeshire.
From the story…
A delivery driver was trapped for 20 minutes after the bird blocked his way, flew at the bonnet then chased his van.
“One young girl was having her first driving lesson on our land and could not move the car because the pheasant would not leave it alone.”
“I don’t think we’ll see our delivery driver for a while either,” Mrs Hamilton added.
I’m sorry, but if you’re in a vehicle, and being ‘terrorised’ by a pheasant then
- You’re a pathetic wanker of the first order
- YOU’RE IN A CAR. Run over the sodding thing. Job done.
Lit
Posted: Thu 13 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, A428, BMW Drivers, Commuting, Driving, Fog, People, Travel, Weather, Weirdness Leave a comment »This morning’s drive in to work was foggy – foggy enough that you could see maybe three or four car-lengths ahead, and not much more.
So it left me quite gobsmacked to see how many drivers today weren’t bothering with their foglights – and in some cases without any lights on at all.
Considering how every pisswit fuck-knuckle in Christendom seems to put their fog lights on when it’s misty – and then leave them on for three damn days afterwards – it’s pretty amazing when you come across cars today (and particularly bloody silver ones) with no lights on at all.
What on earth are these drivers thinking? (And yes, I know, they’re not thinking) After all, it’s not like they can see any better than I could – I just don’t get the mindset of “Oh well, other people will be able to see me, even if I can’t see them”
I don’t mind people being stupid, inconsiderate, and fuck-witted. If they want to die on the road, that’s fine with me. What I do mind is the other people affected by those decisions. And that’s just cuntish.
Travel Time
Posted: Thu 13 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Thoughts, Travel 1 Comment »Over the past year, much has been made of the HS2 train route, and how it’ll improve transport links in the UK. It’s absolute balls, as most common sense would tell you. Mind you, what *would* be useful would be a route going across the country, rather than up-and-down it.
An example…
My current contract is in Cambridge, and I live near Milton Keynes. Road-wise it’s an OK run, takes me 45-60 minutes each way.
But by public transport? Oy, fuck me, what a nightmare. For fun, I had a look.
Milton Keynes -> Cambridge isn’t a direct route (because there’s no ‘across’ rail line) Instead, I’d have to go :
- From Milton Keynes into London Euston
- From Euston to Kings Cross
- From King’s Cross to Cambridge.
Now that is madness – it’d be 3 hours in the morning, and at least two on the way home. (Weirdly, trains seem to run better on the return journey)
And then you get to the real madness. The price. Because it’s a ‘via-London’ route, and at ‘peak time’ the cost was always going to be high. But it turns out that a day return comes to £73.70. Yep, just under seventy five quid. Per day. I don’t pay that for a week’s fuel.
And if you think I’m lying – here’s the screenshot from Trainline.com…
Meles
Posted: Tue 11 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Dreaming, Sleep - or lack thereof 2 Comments »I’m not normally one for sharing what goes on in dreams (or indeed anywhere else in my head) but for once I have a question.
In the name of all that is rational, sane, and comprehensible, what is it meant to signify if you have a dream that involves being chased down empty streets, pursued by a rabid badger, of all things?
Away Again
Posted: Sun 9 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Green, Hypocrisy, Travel Leave a comment »And of course bear in mind, when I’m wanking on about reducing impact and so on, that I’m actually a hundred-and-odd miles away from home this weekend, and I’ve driven the whole way.
So yeah – trying to reduce the impact, and all that piss. And sometimes failing. But it’s worth it.
Reducing The Impact
Posted: Sat 8 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Green, Thoughts Leave a comment »While – as per yesterday’s minorly ranty post – I’m not epically green, eco, and wanky about ‘saving the planet’, I do believe in lessening one’s impact where possible.
- I’m not the kind of hand-wringing apologist wanker who’ll replace an existing working vehicle with an electric car, or a hybrid. I’d rather use my old one ’til it dies and needs to be scrapped/recycled.
- I recycle what I can, but not obsessively for every separated bit of packaging. Some things just go in the bin. Life’s too fucking short.
- I don’t chuck away loads of unused food, and all that.
- The only reason I use more than one bin-bag a week is because of the cat’s litter tray.
- I’m fucking shit at reducing my annual mileage – mainly due to commuting. Although those longer commutes do (allegedly) help maintain engine efficiency, so *shrug*
- I *try* to use public transport when it’s reasonable/feasible. It’s just that for a lot of things, it’s neither reasonable to do so, nor feasible.
- I don’t leave lights/TVs on etc when I’m not using them.
In short, I try to lessen my impact. I’m not perfect, but nor am I obsessively green.
All told, it seems to be a pretty sensible perspective, and generally pretty well balanced.
Saving The Planet
Posted: Fri 7 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Green, Hypocrisy, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »And yes, green eco-wankers who bleat on about how we’re “killing the planet” piss me off too.
The planet is [roughly] 4½ billion years old. It’s doing fine – and did so well before Homo Sapiens made its appearance, and will continue to do so well after we screw ourselves up and die out.
Whatever we do – even nuclear war – won’t destroy the planet. Sure, things might change (nuclear winter, global warming, whatever) but change is part of the planet’s life cycle. Ice ages, global tidal waves, mass extinction events. They’ve all happened before, and they’ll all happen again. The human race might be around to see them, it might not.
In typical human hubris, what we actually mean by “killing the planet” is “fucking up our chances for long-term survival”. Changing the environment won’t destroy the world, it’ll just kick off another evolutionary event, and knock our own race off the globe.
The planet itself will carry on regardless.
So fuck off telling me you’re saving the planet. You’re not – you’re actually taking part in an innately selfish human-centric piece of behaviour. That’s all.
Charging
Posted: Thu 6 March, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Green, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »On my walks round Milton Keynes, I regularly see electric cars plugged into the provided charging points. Just left there, charging.
Now, is it really childish that every time I see one, I want to either
- Unplug the car and/or
- Move/hide the charging cable/block completely ?
Actually, I know it’s really childish – it’s just I get annoyed by the palpable smugness of these ‘eco’ ballbags who think they’re ‘saving the planet’ by leaving their shitty electric cars plugged in for hours to an inefficient method of energy generation/accumulation…
Bad Writing
Posted: Sun 16 February, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Cinema, Films, Pedantry, Writing Leave a comment »Recently my visits to the local cinema have included the trailer below, for a new film called “Winter’s Tale”
Within that trailer is the line
I’ve had no memory for as long as I can remember
which just drives me crackers. Seriously, people get paid for writing piss like that?
I mean, if you’ve no memory then of course it’s for as long as you can remember. Because you’ve got no fucking memory, you insufferable ballbag!
And breathe…
Information Security
Posted: Mon 3 February, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, London, People, Security, Thoughts 1 Comment »While commuting in London the last few days, one thing that has really surprised me (although I know it shouldn’t) is how much information people give away unconsciously, and their general lack of consideration of their own security.
Standing on the tube, every day I see people using their phones without lock codes, as well as reading confidential emails etc. while on the train. I know, I know, some of it is just that I’m a nosy bastard – but all the same, it’s pretty surprising (to me) that people are so unaware of people around them who could be getting information etc.
It’s not just the emails and phones, of course. Standing in the local sandwich shop, I can see the PIN numbers people use on the Chip+PIN machines. (And of course the odds are that people use the same PIN number for their card transactions and for their phone unlock codes) Then they go and sit down, putting their bags beside them.
And I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve seen carrying laptops in laptop bags, with the strap just over one shoulder – easy to slip off in a crowd and get away with into the distance.
If I were criminally inclined, I would have been able to easily nick two or three iPhones a day – and know which ones were unlocked with no PIN lock at all, or what the PIN code is. I’d be able to take handbags or wallets and know what those PIN codes are in order to make cash withdrawals etc. And I could probably get away with a laptop bag or two as well.
It gobsmacks me how little people seem to think about their own security, and the security of their information. It’s not even an “It won’t happen to me” attitude – I think most people aren’t even conscious of those potential risks.
I don’t have any answers to it. People just don’t seem to take it seriously. It’s the same with passwords (we’re always seeing lists of weak passwords that are in use, but even so they don’t change) and many other things. How we change it, I truly don’t know…
Balconies
Posted: Wed 29 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Housing, London, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 3 Comments »Where I’m working in London this week, I’m in an office opposite an apartment block. (Which used to be known as a ‘block of flats’, but that’s not cool or trendy enough for people now) Personally I’d hate it, but that’s OK, I don’t live there.
What I don’t get about the building though is that certain windows have bars outside – I assume to look like they’ve got balconies. But all they are is the bars, there’s no outside space to them, they’re just a ‘feature’. But why? I don’t get the reasoning behind it. OK, you’ve a door you can open (into the flat/apartment) so I suppose it’s for ‘safety’ in case someone walked out of that door and fell to the street. But why have the door? It’s not even a sliding one, just a normal hinged doorway to fuck-all.
You might as well have done away with the ‘balcony’ and door completely, and just replaced it with a decent window. Same amount of ventilation, low-to-no risk of falling out (depending on the window style/opening) and no faffing about with the door protruding into the living space, and not having to look through a semi-barred window.
City-living is bloody strange on occasion.
Benefits Street
Posted: Mon 13 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Stupidity, Television, Thoughts Leave a comment »At the moment, Channel 4 has a documentary series called “Benefits Street”, based around one road in Birmingham where the majority of its inhabitants are – yes! – on benefits.
It’s pretty standard C4 documentary fare, and follows on from others in similar vein, including “Skint” (families in Scunthorpe who are – yes! – on benefits) and so on. And as with the other similar ones, it got Twitter, Facebook, and the media in general up in arms. The fact that all this makes for great free advertising for the programme (because people want to watch it and see what everyone else is talking about) is of course purely coincidental.
No, of course Channel4 aren’t trolling media and social media in order to boost their own viewing figures. Of course not. *cough*
I didn’t bother with it – I know pretty much what it’ll show, they’ll focus on “human interest” stories within the street, edit it to within an inch of its life, show all the stereotypes, the ‘boss’ of the street, people shoplifting, drug-growing/dealing ‘to make ends meet’ and all the rest of it.
The thing that annoyed me the most about the entire hysteria though was that people started a petition to stop Channel 4 from showing the rest of the series. Which is inherently pointless. The programme’s been made, it’s all over and done with. Hiding it away is effectively no different to hiding away the issues of people who are on benefits. More importantly, it’ll make it into more of a talking point, and boost viewing figures.
If you don’t like this kind of programme, there’s a simple answer. Don’t watch it. Don’t promote it. Don’t talk about it, don’t link to it. Don’t bitch about it. But most importantly – don’t watch it. There’s plenty of other channels and programmes. Channel4 is funded by its advertisers – by the people who want to promote their goods/products within the programme and the ad breaks. The more a programme is viewed, the more Channel4 can charge those advertisers.
If you don’t watch the programme, it doesn’t get viewers. And Channel4 won’t bother making more of a set of programmes that lose money, that don’t have viewers, and they’ll do something else instead.
It really is that simple.
Bladder Control
Posted: Thu 9 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I was at the cinema – of which more tomorrow – but I was reminded of something else that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. And that’s this – why are so many people incapable of controlling themselves and sitting still for a couple of hours?
OK, in this case it was a viewing specifically for Unlimited Card holders at the local Cineworld. This meant that the viewing was free, and so perhaps there’s not that same “perception of value”. I don’t know. Mind you, this is something that’s been bugging me for a while, and not just at Cineworlds, so I assume that it also happens even when everyone’s paid to see the damn film.
I wasn’t actually counting, but in that two-and-a-quarter hour film, there must’ve been a good thirty people who went out and then came back in. I assume a fair number of those were toilet breaks – potentially a couple got calls, or had messages they needed to reply to, I suppose. (I’m in a semi-charitable mood today) And I’m also open to believe that a couple might’ve had medical conditions that meant they had less control over their bladders.
But really – how has this become a thing? If you can’t sit and watch a film without taking a break, or needing a piss, then surely there’s something wrong? Even if you’ve consumed that whole bucket of Coke you purchased, surely you can still contain yourself for a couple of hours?
Unnoticed
Posted: Thu 2 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, News, People 1 Comment »As always, stories like this bring me out in shivers.
Basically, a priest who had been reported as ‘missing’ has been found, dead. Dead in a supermarket carpark, slumped over the driving wheel of his car. The police now believe he might have been there for three damn days – and no-one noticed.
That’s what does me – that no-one’s noticed, no-one’s realised. For three damn days.
How? If I were to see someone slumped over their driving wheel, I’d at least check – whether it’s by tapping on the window or something else. If there’s no response, the very fucking least I’d do is make sure that the store were aware, and depending on how things go, probably call the police/ambulance as a bare minimum.
How did no-one at the store itself notice? One care, parked in one place for three damn days – with someone in it? You’d think that right then they’d check it out. But no.
People piss me off sometimes.
Marketing/Branding Bollocks
Posted: Fri 13 December, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, Design, Marketing, Sweary, Thoughts, Work-related Leave a comment »According to this article, Pantone (they’re ‘the colour people, don’t’cha know?) have decreed that this purple is “the colour of 2014”. (And fuck off, Americans, it’s ‘colour’, not bloody ‘color’)
Now, I like purple as much as the next person – I’d go so far as to say it’s probably my favourite colour. But
- This is not proper purple. It’s a kind of wanky lilac, at best. Hell, they’ve not even called it Purple – it’s “Radiant Orchid”, which might as well be a name made up by Dulux.
- You know, there are people who get paid for coming up with this kind of shit
- And there are people whose job it is to come up with names for paints. I truly hope they feel fulfilled and happy in their work. I’d want to be killing people.
- How the blue, blazing, fiddly fuck do you have a “colour of the year”, for shit’s sake?
All told it’s just marketing bollocks of the highest order.
Christmas TV Clash
Posted: Thu 5 December, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, News, Television, Thoughts Leave a comment »I don’t know why, but somehow it’s ‘news’ that major TV programmes will clash in their scheduling over Christmas this year. (And every year in the last 30 or so, I’m sure)
Now really, are these clashes something that will even affect most people any more? Since the advent of the video-recorder, we’ve been able to watch one programme and record another to view later. With DVRs/PVRs (Sky+, Freeview Boxes, TiVo etc.) it’s even easier, with two (or even three) recordings able to happen at once.
So – why is this a problem? I know not everyone has such a set-up, but I’d guess that the great majority have something that can record a programme. Plus there’s also all the VOD stuff (BBC iPlayer, ITVoD, 4OD et al.) allowing us to catch up later on anything that we do happen to have missed.
The only thing I can think of is that it screws the viewing figures for people watching [Programme X] right now, and viewing figures like that still seem to be the main reference point for how succesful a programme was. (And surely that has to change or be updated, with all the developments above?)
But still – does that make this newsworthy? Or should it really read “Newsflash : TV Schedulers Screw Up Again“?
Maladjusted
Posted: Tue 26 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »As the nights have drawn in, obviously I’m driving home in the dark.
It amazes me how many people drive with either one headlight out (and in some cases both, which utterly baffles me) or really badly adjusted lights.
There also seems to be a newer trend for people driving on dual-carriageways and motorways with their full-beam headlights on, and refusing to dip them.
To me, lights at this time are just one of those essential things, and I try to make sure that they’re as safe and sorted as possible. I just don’t really get why so many other drivers don’t seem to think that such things are important.
Festerous
Posted: Thu 21 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, D4D™, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Shopping, Thoughts Leave a comment »This year I’m trying hard to not get ranty about the Festering Season – which is no mean feat, I can assure you. (I’ve also just discovered that I’ve not used that Scrooge image for nearly three years in a Festering Season post, so welcome back owd fella)
After all, my local Tesco Tosspots had Christmas Cards on sale at the end of September, for fuck’s sake. They’ve had mince pies since August, but I didn’t even bother getting any photos of those.
Since then, it’s just been going on and on. Their tree went up (fully decorated) before Hallowe’en was done. The foodstuffs have been in since November 1st.
I know shops need to have the time to sell all their festive shit. I suspect that they’re also stretching out the season ‘because of the financial climate’, allowing their customers to spread the cost of the Festering Season over greater time, rather than being crippled in December. I get that, and I don’t mind. (Too much)
It still narks me that everything is so obsessed with materialism, gifts, and the social-status inferred therein. I can’t help it. I don’t like seeing it in the shops for three damn months, or hearing poxy bastard carols on shop sound systems for two months. But it’s pretty much unavoidable – I try to limit my exposure to it all, but there still has to be some, sadly.
But I’m trying hard to not be too ranty about it. For now. That may change over the next few weeks – after all, there’s still a month to go…
Search Terms
Posted: Tue 19 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Media, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yesterday it was announced that Google and Microsoft (by which they mean Bing) were editing/updating 100,000 search terms linked to images of child abuse. That’s all well and good, except that
- I’m sure there’s a lot more than 100,000 terms that could be used/created/combined in order to find those results
- I’m also pretty damn certain that the main perpetrators, creators and viewers of such images don’t hunt for them using run-of-the-mill search engines like Google and Bing.
- And yes, OK, probably there are people stupid enough to search using mainstream search, but those are the ones that are easy (well, easier) to track down and locate anyway.
So really (as far as I can see) this is more of a sop to the media and government than it is likely to be of any real use or relevance.
Following the Crowd – Again
Posted: Sat 16 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charity, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Introspective, People, Thoughts 2 Comments »Following on from yesterday’s post about charity, Children in Need, and doing what everyone else does, another current grouse is around Movember. It’s a great cause – raising awareness of male cancers, and raising funds for fighting them – but it’s another group thing.
In my office, every other male member of staff is doing it. And when you ask their motivations? Yep, it’s either “Well, everyone else is doing it, so I thought I would”, or “it’s for charity”. Yet when I asked them what charity it was for, at least half had no bloody clue, and aren’t even doing it to raise money.
Movember started off as a fun idea – but this year it’s got huge sponsors (including Gilette – which is kind of obvious, in fairness – and Three) but I just kind of get twitchy when it comes to charitable stuff with large corporate sponsors.
So yeah, if you’re going to do something that’s based around charity – at least support that charity, or know what the frick you’re talking about, rather than just following the damn crowd.
Twats
Posted: Fri 15 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, News, People, Stupidity Leave a comment »Sometimes it seems to me that people are just too self-absorbed to carry on breathing.
This story from the BBC, of holidaymakers walking along a jammed M11 to get to Stansted Airport is one of those times.
End Credits
Posted: Fri 8 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, People, Seeing Films, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I went to see Thor2 with a friend.
It’s crap, but watchable crap – I’ve never been a massive Thor fan (well, not the comic-book version anyway) but it’s OK.
However.
It’s a Marvel film, and (to my recall) all Marvel films are known to have at least one ‘during-the-credits’ extra scene, which is usually worth hanging around for. Thor2 actually has two – one mid-credits, and one right at the end. Which is fine – it’s (I thought) a known thing, or at least should be to regular cinema-goers, and fans of Marvel films. I know a lot of people on Twitter have mentioned them, so I figured they were well-known.
But it amazed me how many people started leaving as soon as the credits started. I reckon a good 60% of the audience had gone by the time the first ‘during-the-credits’ scene appeared, and probably 95% had gone by the time of the final one. OK, the scenes aren’t essential to the main film or anything like that, but they’re fun additions – I’m just surprised by how many people apparently still don’t know that these things happen.
Changing Qualifications
Posted: Fri 1 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Change, Cynicism, Education, News, Thoughts 3 Comments »It’s been announced today that OfQual has announced the finalised changes to GCSEs from 2015, with first exams in 2017. The changes will initially be for English language, English literature, and Maths – others will be announced later.
The key changes are :
- Grading by numbers 9-1 rather than by the current letters A*-G
- No more modular courses, instead full exams taken at the end of two years
- Controlled assessments (coursework done under exam conditions) will be scrapped for most subjects
I think most of these are good, but the one that makes my brain bleed is about the changes to grading. I don’t care about it being numbers or letters, but why change the order of them? Until now, for decades, A has been the highest mark. Why would it now change to 9? That’s just counter-intuitive. When you think of ‘the best’, it’s usually “Number One” to be the best, not “Number Nine”.
Employers are used to that grading system, with A being the best. Changing that round is – I suspect – likely to cause more confusion than any other part of this revamped assessment.
Widow
Posted: Thu 24 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Health, Media, News, People, Stupidity, Weirdness Leave a comment »This year’s symptom of the media Silly Season appears to be the “False Widow” spider, which is the UK’s most venomous spider, but is also nowhere near as poisonous/bad/evil as it’s been portrayed, along with the resultant hysteria.
For whatever reason though, it’s been all over the news, with hysterical coverage about people who’ve been bitten “and nearly died“. Of course, it’s hard to gauge how near-to-death anyone was when they actually survived – I could say I “nearly died” anytime I cough, sneeze, or have a particularly strenuous dump.
The latest ridiculously hysterical reaction was the closure of a school in the Forest of Dean because of ‘an infestation’ of false widows (for fuck’s sake)
Now yes, I’m quite sure the bite hurts – and that there are a tiny minority of people who react badly to said bites, in the same way that there’s a small selection of people who react badly to wasp stings, peanuts etc. But it’s a tiny minority who get bitten at all (most just introduce spider to literature anyway) and an even tinier minority therein who react in such a way. But if you read the media, they’re everywhere, and everyone’s being bitten.
I know, I know, it’s always been thus with the media – compare any hysterical theme story with people you actually know, and you’ll find that most of them are stories that only happen to a tiny minority. Supposedly it’s that fact that makes the stories “news”, but that hype then blows it all out of proportion/sanity, leaving idiots people with the impression it’s happening everywhere.
Sometimes I wish the media would just shut the fuck up about stupid hype-ridden hyperbolic stories, and (in an ideal world) allow people to get on with their lives without this hysterical bullshit constantly going on.
Wavering
Posted: Tue 22 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Driving, Getting Organised, Gigs, Introspective, London, Music, Self-Doubt, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »This afternoon/evening, I’m supposed to be going to see Peter Gabriel at the O2. I’ve booked the afternoon off work, I’ve paid for the parking at the O2. As an aside, I always feel that parking cost is an iniquitous extra, but such is life – while it might be feasible for me to get there by public transport, it’s completely unfeasible for the return journey.
I will go
But right now, my brain’s wavering and havering, thinking “Yeah, but…” on a number of reasons, a range of logical excuses to not go. Tired, distance, time, return time, work – it’s all in there, all making me doubt.
I will go. I want to go.
I just wish my brain would be more certain, and shut up a bit.
Legalised
Posted: Tue 22 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Corbett, Cynicism, D4D™, Geeky, Legal, Marketing, Stupidity, Time Leave a comment »It’s now two years since my little spat with Ian Corbett (of Toyota Ireland) and his legal advisors was completed. I said at the time that the way they’d requested things to work out wouldn’t actually get rid of the search engine results that annoyed him so much. But he’s a marketing manager, so one assumes he knows these things, and that I would be wrong.
On a random whim, I searched the other day on Google for said person – and lo, I was right. Even when searching for just name + company (with no mention of D4D™ at all) up comes D4D™ with a nice healthy 4th place in the search results. And now there’s also Google Images, I can also see what the glaikit bawbag looks like, too.
All told, I can’t deny, I do find this very amusing. And there’s nothing at all I can do about it, it’s all in the hands of That There Google.
To The Ombudsman!
Posted: Mon 21 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Business, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, nPower, Utilities 2 Comments »As nPower have today announced that the average joint-fuel bill will be going up by over 10% from December 1st, I’ve decided that I’m now definitely going to take my complaint to the Energy Ombudsman, and cost the fuckers some money.
Jesus christ, a 10% increase. Do they think people are made of money? Fucking hell.
I wouldn’t mind so much if there were any decent alternatives to change over to. Sadly though, they’re all as shitty as each other.
Utilities 6 – nPower Communications
Posted: Sun 13 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, nPower, Utilities 3 Comments »[For the rest of this one, click here]
Yesterday, I got a letter from nPower – addressed to the correct name, at the correct address. (This is actually noteworthy, as it hasn’t happened in the preceding eighteen months) It relates to the complaint I made about – um – the fact that they couldn’t (well, hadn’t) corrected my name and address on my account, despite repeated requests to do so.
Apparently, because they haven’t been in touch in so long since I raised the complaint, I can now speak to the Energy Ombudsman about it. (Which I threatened to do last month, when it all actually got sorted)
So. Should I do so?
After all, the complaint has actually been fixed, but it now looks as if their entire system is so broken that even though it’s been sorted – and the correctly addressed envelope proves it’s been sorted – it hasn’t been flagged on the system as sorted. Which really is pretty fucked, however you look at it.
I’m tempted to do so, and cost them some more money (apparently even registering an issue with the Ombudsman lands them with a fine) and see where it takes me…
Utilities Part 5 – More Metering
Posted: Sat 12 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Anglian Water, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Utilities Leave a comment »[You can read previous bits of this here, if you care]
This morning, Anglian Water are supposed to be (finally) fitting my two ‘smart’ meters. They’re due sometime between 8am and 1pm.
Whether they’ll turn up – and indeed whether they’ll get it right this time – as yet remains to be seen…
Too Hot for Football
Posted: Fri 4 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, News, Sport 2 Comments »I must admit, I really don’t understand the whole ‘it’ll be too hot’ kerfuffle going on about the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.
After all, you would imagine that FIFA were aware when they awarded the World Cup to Qatar that playing it in the Summer is likely to be – well – bloody hot.
But no, it seems to have come as a surprise to them that any countries would be a tad upset at this, and also at the ‘back-up plan’ of playing it in Winter rather than Summer. Because well, playing it in Winter means that the football seasons for many of the countries in question will be spectacularly disrupted for a couple of months.
I don’t get the thinking behind it – assuming there was any – although I have to also point out that I don’t much care one way or the other anyway. It just seems pretty stupid to organise a sporting World Cup in the middle of summer in the Middle East. It’d be like awarding the Olympic Games to the region. But then, what would I know?
Not Quite An Apology
Posted: Thu 3 October, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Literacy, People, Sweary, Thoughts, Words 2 Comments »One of the phrases that keeps on annoying me at the moment is the current ‘approved’ terminology for an apology
We’d like to apologise for [x]
Why does it annoy me? Because if you look at it, it’s not actually an apology. It’s a mealy-mouthed excuse. “We’d like to apologise for [x]” isn’t the same as “We are really sorry about [x]”
I know it’s probably only me that even notices this kind of thing, but regardless, it’s an annoyance.
If you’re sorry for something, say you’re sorry. Apologise. Don’t tell me that you’d like to apologise – because that’s not actually apologising. It might as well say “We’d like to apologise, but won’t, because well, fuck you”
Just say “Sorry”. Don’t wank around the bushes with it. Say you screwed up, apologise, move on.
Approaching Year-End (Part 2)
Posted: Mon 23 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season, People, Shopping 1 Comment »At the end of August, I wrote about the signs that we were coming to the end of the year, and the Festering Season. Obviously X-Factor and Strictly being back on TV are the two primary harbingers mentioned in that one.
Now though, I’m seeing more signs – and they seem to be earlier than ever.
- On TV, we’re starting to see the adverts for perfumes/fragrances (for both men and women) and also the music compilation CDs that only ever seem to be on the shelves for the Festering Season. It’s always the “Oh god, I don’t know – get something” gift of last resort.
- In the supermarkets, hard though it is to believe, there’s already Christmas confectionary and mince pies on the shelves.
- And then there was this, spotted yesterday…
Yep, Christmas Cards are already on the shelves. I despair.
I’m surprised at how early all this tat is hitting the shops- I assume it’s retail’s way of handling people having less money than usual, so making the items available ever earlier. Personally I think that’s bollocks, and they’re just hoping for as many sales as possible – but as you can see from the picture above, people are actually buying the damn cards already…
Utilities Part One – nPower
Posted: Thu 19 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, Getting Organised, nPower, Utilities 2 Comments »Since moving in to the new place, one of the banes of my life have been the utility companies for the property.
nPower in particular have been stunningly shit. It’s taken them eighteen months to get the name right on the account – the letting agency notified them of the change, and they did nothing. I’ve gone through the process no less than six times, sending ID and proof of tenancy, and it all disappeared into the black hole of “Fuck-All Happening” that seems to define nPower. Even their complaints team were so bad that they didn’t even call me within the expected timescale, despite repeated requests. The best one was emailing the proof documents the fifth time, putting on ‘read receipts’ etc., and getting one back saying “The message was deleted without being read“. That was when I started getting really pissed off.
Additionally, because of ‘moving to a new system’, they managed to not send me any bills – and not be able to send bills, because gawd knows, I asked! – for a year. I then got four bills in a day – all printed on the same day, all sent out, all for different amounts. And all with one week in which to pay.
It appears to have now been sorted. I totally lost the plot, and requested that they just send me a “we can’t be arsed to fix the problem” deadlock letter so that I could take it up with the Energy Ombudsman and get them properly screwed over. Suddenly I finally got through to nPower’s one efficient person, and everything was done within twenty minutes, with her not even being able to understand why it had taken so long. I think her phrase “Well I can see that someone put the documents in the system. They just didn’t bother to do anything else with them” pretty much sums up the entire painful process with nPower.
I’m going to wait for the next bill so I can see whether they’ve finally got things right or not. I’m remaining pessimistic for the moment, but who knows, maybe miracles do happen on occasion…
Common Sense (Or Lack Thereof)
Posted: Fri 6 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Driving, Fog, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s horrid (yet spectacular) crash in Kent on the Sheppey Crossing, the BBC’s now carrying a story saying that various people are wanting warning signs, lighing etc. on the bridge to prevent such an accident again.
The thing is, I don’t see how that’s going to improve things. (other than in the context of Being Seen To Be Doing Something)
The accident(s) happened in thick fog. As such, I would suspect that the actual primary causes of the accident(s) were
- Fog
- Drivers going too fast
- Drivers not using their lights/foglights
- Drivers being dickheads
I get the idea of warning signs on the crossing – again, in that context of Being Seen to be Doing Something – but I can’t see how they’ll improve safety. After all…
- If they’re warning of thick fog, will people be able to see them in – um – the thick fog?
- If they’re giving warnings, won’t they also be distracting the attention of dickhead drivers who don’t seem able to multitask?
If the warning signs just read “Don’t be a fucking moron”, it might help. But even then, it would be helping far less than drivers simply not being fucking morons.
Driving Thoughts
Posted: Thu 5 September, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Fog, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »A small selection of questions and thoughts from the drive in to work this morning…
1) Look, if you’re driving so slowly in a car that trucks are pulling out to overtake you, maybe you should speed the fuck up, or get off the bloody road.
2) It’s foggy. So why are so many people driving
- without any lights at all or
- without their foglights on?
Usually it only takes a tiny piece of mist and they’re all in use, but this, with visibility of fuck-all-squared, there’s loads of people without lights. What the hell?
(And on a side note, bloody hell, I’m glad I’m not involved in this lot in Kent!)
3) Relatedly, why is it that once the fog clears up, you fuck-knuckle bastards leave your sodding foglights on ? They’re there for a reason, remember to turn the cocking things off when they’re no longer necessary
4) Why is it that so-called “professional drivers” (articulated trucks, delivery stuff, coaches etc.) usually end up being the most dangerous ones on the road?
5) If that’s how you drive, Mr Driving Instructor, then I truly fear for the skills of your pupils.
6) If you can’t steer/handle a shopping trolley, it really scares me to know that you’ve arrived here by car, and will be driving home. Jesus.
The Beginning of the End (Of the Year)
Posted: Fri 30 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season, Television 1 Comment »It’s only August, but we’re already building up towards the end of the year.
This weekend, it’s the return of evil Saturday-night ITV drivel ‘contest’ The X-Factor. Knowing that the target for this is (as always) the Christmas Number One single, you know it’s only [x] weeks ’til the Festering Season is upon us once more.
Next weekend, BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing is back on. In the same way, that’s now part of the run-up to the Festering Season.
I won’t be watching either of them, but it’s still a signpost that that fat old bearded bastard is on the way, red suit, reindeer and all.
Bah Fucking Humbug.
Replacement Card
Posted: Thu 29 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances Leave a comment »On Bank Holiday Monday, I went out and about, and used my debit card to get some cash out of a cashpoint (ATM, Hole-in-the-Wall, whatever) at a branch of my bank. The card slot looked a bit odd, but both machines looked the same, and I know Barclays love to piss about with how their machines work. So I thought nothing of it.
However, about twenty minutes later I walked past a different Barclays cashpoint (why they’ve got them in multiple places in the town I don’t know, but such is life – this one was in the wall of a WHSmiths) and its card slot was different, and didn’t have the bits that I’d wondered about on the ones at the branch.
As a result, I called my bank, and cancelled the card. Bit of a pain in the bits, but far less inconvenient than the potential for losing money to dirtbags and having to find it. I was expecting it to be a week before getting the replacement card – that’s about normal, and didn’t cause me any real problems – but just a pain in the bum.
Anyway, I’ve got to say I’m impressed. The card arrived yesterday morning. Two days for production, printing, whatever, and sending. I know it’s how things should work, and it’s still pretty sad to be impressed by something that’s just being done correctly, but in this one, well, all fairness to Barclays, they’ve got something right.
Driving Through
Posted: Wed 7 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 2 Comments »My local supermarket is on a small(ish) retail estate, and there’s also a McDonalds in the area, with a full “drivethrough” (sorry, “drivethru” *spitting noise*) option. Every time I go past it, there’s something that boggles my brain.
I don’t understand the drive-through option. Well, that’s not true – there’s one particular aspect of drivethrough behaviour that I really don’t understand. I get the whole “grab food while driving, and continue going” concept, that’s fine. For now we’ll gloss over the whole road-safety aspect – after all, if it’s dangerous to use a mobile phone while driving, surely it’s equally dangerous to be eating a messy burger – but I get the concept.
What I don’t get though, are the people who use the drive-through, and then park up to eat their ‘food’. What’s the reasoning? If you’re going to do that, surely it’s just as easy to take a proper break, go inside, sit at a table, eat, and then leave to go back on the road.
What’s the logical process for getting food, and then sitting right outside the premises (I refuse to call it a restaurant, sorry) to eat them?
Yet every time I drive past, there they are – people doing exactly that. They’ve bought at a drive-through, and now they’re sat in the car park to eat it. It truly makes my brain bleed.
Body-Image and Vanity
Posted: Thu 1 August, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Health, People, Television, Thoughts, Weight Loss 1 Comment »On Channel4 this week there was a really good documentary(ish) with Alex Brooker about male body image, called “My Perfect Body”
It’s interesting to see how the perception of men’s bodies has changed over the last few years, and particularly a lot of men’s self-perception of their bodies, and particularly the assertions that a man isn’t ‘successful’ if they’re overweight, don’t have a six-pack stomach, etc. etc. In a lot of ways I think the programme was right, that a lot of men do ‘value’ themselves by way of their bodies, and that this is (at least to a degree) related to advertising/marketing, and those images of male perfection.
The other interesting side to it was about male vanity, and the surge in male grooming, ‘metrosexuality’, and even how male groups react to each others bodies; the basic answer being that men are (in many ways) bitchier to their friends than women are to their friends.
Personally, the whole vanity thing isn’t something I’ve ever been prone to. Yes, I currently want to lose some weight – but that’s more for health reasons and the like, rather than wanting to be thin/’successful’/’desireable’ and all that pap. Realistically, I’ll never be some 14-stone super-fitty, and honestly I don’t want to be.
I find it fascinating how the whole ‘group think’ perception seems to work, but I’m pretty immune to it. I wonder sometimes if that’s because I’ve never really had a whole group of male mates, and never been inculcated into that type of setup. I don’t know.
I’m not going to worry about it – part of my whole self-image/self-perception is probably more easily described as “This is me. Like it, don’t like it. Your choice”. In general, I’ve always found that seems to be a fairly healthy self-image, and it certainly causes me a lot less stress than a lot of people in the documentary…
Children and Racism
Posted: Thu 25 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, People Leave a comment »This video is really interesting…
Basically, Cheerios released an advert in America that featured a multi-racial relationship, and – unsurprisingly – a lot of people complained about it. The video below shows the ads, and then the reactions of some young children to it, and to the ‘controversy’.
If nothing else, it gives us some hope for the future, where America will possibly become less racist.
Pulling Out
Posted: Tue 23 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Driving, People, Stupidity 2 Comments »On my route to work – in particular, although I’ve noticed this phenomenon in many road/junction situations – there are a couple of junctions from which people can pull out onto the main roads, which are (of course) much faster.
I’ve noticed of late that there seem to be a significant number of drivers who either don’t look before pulling out, or look but who are incapable of actually judging the speed of oncoming vehicles. To whit, my oncoming vehicle.
I’ve actually lost count of the number of times this year where I’ve been hacking down the main road at 60, and these ball-bags just pull out in front of me, necessitating my needing to significantly slow down.
Even worse, they pull out and then just pootle along at 20 or 30 mph. I know it takes time to get up to speed – but seriously, so should they. And if you’re going to do a manoeuvre like that, you damn well make sure that you’re going to be speeding up in pretty fucking short order. (Well, I do!)
I don’t understand the logic (or lack thereof) in doing this, of pulling out in front of someone who’s already on the main road. All I can assume is that it’s either a) some innate need to be ‘first’, even if that means running the risk of being killed, b) they’re wanting an accident which would be “not their fault” in order to claim and replace their vehicle, c) an arrogance that their driving will force the other driver to slow down, d) they’re just fuckwit bastards, or e) all of the above.
Regardless, it just pisses me off.
Reaping What’s Been Sown
Posted: Sun 14 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Parking, People Leave a comment »Tonight, I’m enjoying a dose of schadenfreude (“enjoying the misfortune of others”, if you didn’t know)
Yesterday morning, an idiot parked up in a big-ass Mercedes in the pub car park opposite where I live. And left their parking light on. I don’t know where they’re staying – the pub doesn’t have rooms, so really they’re just taking the piss anyway. So the parking light has stayed on while they’ve been staying wherever.
Now they’ve come back to the car – parked up for 36 hours in a commercial(ish) car park, parking light on – to discover that a) they have a parking ticket, and b) their battery is flat, the car won’t start, and they’ve had to call the AA. (I don’t know for sure, but I assume that the AA will charge as well, as it’s down to driver idiocy.) Of course, because their car is safe, off the road, and not in any feasible danger, it’s right at the bottom of the priority list.
All told, I’m finding it very hard to be sympathetic to their plight, and may in fact be chuckling quite a lot.
And yes – I know I’m going to reap something on this myself, so by the end of the week expect me to be saying something about a broken car.
Not What They Meant
Posted: Thu 11 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Media, Pedantry, People, Writing Leave a comment »Today in the EDP (well, on their website at least) there’s this headline
Murdered Wisbech pensioner’s niece makes emotional appeal six months after she was brutally stabbed to death and set on fire
Now, you know they mean “Niece makes emotional appeal six months after her pensioner aunt was brutally stabbed and set on fire“, but that’s not what it actually says.
So instead I’m going to be impressed at the moral strength of someone so distraught that she can make an appeal about a pensioner six months after being brutally stabbed and set on fire.
Yes, yes, I’m a bad person.
Independence Today
Posted: Thu 4 July, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Thoughts 2 Comments »It’s July 4th, which means America is celebrating Independence Day.
Personally, I’ve never understood why the UK never celebrates Independence Day too, as “The day we got rid of that pestilential colony”.
Mind you, I’ve also always thought we should make more of the voyage of the Mayflower, and celebrate that initial migration of Puritans to their new land of hope and glory.
Power Play
Posted: Sun 23 June, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Sat in the cinema, waiting for the film to start, another couple come in. They start to discuss where to sit. She wants to be near the front. He – it’s safe to say – doesn’t.
Her : “I want to sit here, it’ll be fine”
Him : “let’s go to the back. There’ll be less people” (wrong, but hey ho)
Her : “I want to sit here”
Him : “fine babe, you pick where you want to sit”
She does.
Him : “well I’m not sitting there” and walks off, expecting her to follow.
She doesn’t.
Five minutes later, he comes back, and sits next to her.
Funny as hell, to the observer. 🙂
All in One – or Not
Posted: Sun 9 June, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism 2 Comments »Currently, Persil have some adverts running on TV about their new “All in One” washing capsules. (There’s no youtube version of it so far that I could find.)
Except, if you read the “terms and conditions” text (also known as “the bit where we need to be a bit more honest”)…
“Capsules do not contain fabric softener”
So – not really ‘All in One” at all then?
Lying fuckstick bastard advertisers.
More Broken
Posted: Fri 7 June, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Finances, Geeky, Stupidity, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »It’s obviously the month for tech stuff to break.
Following on from the laptop, the iPhone battery pack, and the iPhone cable, the Kindle’s just died. (I know, I know, “That doesn’t happen with books”, blah blah) My own fault, out with friends last night, had the Kindle (in a case) in my pocket all night, and somewhere along the line it’s got squished, and the screen has cracked in the way eInk ones do, so it’s no damn use to anyone.
I *should* have left it in the car, but forgot. That’s the way of things sometimes. No idea exactly when it happened, although it was probably when five of us crammed into a taxi, which was fairly tight.
Ah well, live and learn.
Bastardry
Posted: Mon 15 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Over the last year, one particular section of my daily commute has made me realise two things
- People are really fucking stupid
- I’m a complete bastard, and still get amused by watching stupid people screw things up
The road section is this one – Junction 13 of the M1. The particularly bad section is at the top – I come off the Motorway at the bottom right of the photo, have to go all the way round the first roundabout, over the motorway bridge, and straight over the second one to head towards home.
Junction 13 of the M1
However, rule #1 above says that people are really fucking stupid. This means that
- At least once a week, I see people on the first roundabout wanting to turn right (i.e. the same way I go), get confused, and drive back on to the M1, instead of taking the next turn off.
- Pretty much every day I see people in the wrong lanes on the first roundabout, being in the left-hand lane to turn right, right-hand lane to turn left or go straight-on, cutting lanes across the roundabout, etc. etc.
- Probably three times out of five, I’ll see people come off the other roundabout, and be totally confused about where to go next. That turn-off has two lanes – the left one to go straight on, the right one to – yes! – turn right. The number of people I follow who are in the wrong lane, and completely bemused by the junction is just unreal.
Of course, with option two there is also the – very minor – justification that it’s a confusing or badly designed junction (and in my opinion it is a bit shit) but it actually isn’t that bad. Slightly obscure, but not bad – so long as drivers read the signs and the roads. Which is, of course, the underlying problem.
And rule #2 is that I’m still a bastard. I can’t help but laugh at the fuck-knuckles who drive back onto the M1, and also (to a lesser degree) to the ones who fuck up the second roundabout.
I’m not perfect when it comes to driving – and I’d never claim to be – but at least I can read the road and don’t screw up the simple things.
Sweary Hypocrisy
Posted: Sun 14 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »I’ve found a new source of amusement – the “Parental Guides” for films on IMDB.
A perfect example is here, for the new Tom Cruise film “Oblivion”
Why is it so amusing? For wondrous things like this…
bitch used 2 times bastard 1 time ass 4 times shit 6 times 1 use of fuck. Son-of-a-b***h is used once.
It’s the hypocrisy of it all – coupled with the tweeness. In the example above, it’s OK to write bitch, bastard and fuck, but son-of-a-bitch gets asterisked out? Fuck me.
Foggy
Posted: Fri 8 March, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Fog, M1, People, Stupidity, Travel Leave a comment »Last night and this morning, my drive from/to work was extremely foggy. This morning was worse, but even last night was pretty entertaining.
What always gets me though is the way people handle foggy conditions when they’re driving – particularly with regard to one of the banes of my life, foglights.
At night, it’s exceptionally rare to need foglights – they’re only for times where visibility is exceptionally low, and you’ve no chance of seeing the vehicle in front of you without the additional lights. The good old Highway Code says
Rule 236 : You MUST NOT use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced (see Rule 226)
Rule 226 : “You MUST use headlights when visibility is seriously reduced, generally when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 feet). You may also use front or rear fog lights but you MUST switch them off when visibility improves.”
With lights on at night, it’s exceptionally rare to not be able to see the car 100 metres ahead of you.Yet most of the fuckknuckle cunts are there, belting along with their foglights on.
And yet this morning, when it was actually really bad visibility, most people didn’t put their lights on at all, let alone the foglights.
I truly do not understand people.
Phone Security
Posted: Tue 5 March, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Geeky, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yesterday there was a load of stuff on radio news with police warning about people who don’t secure their phones with a PIN code.
Supposedly it makes them more valuable (to thieves) if they’re unlocked, and also means all your personal information is available – which is obviously usable for nefarious purposes.
Personally, I’ve always had a PIN-lock on my phones, and don’t really get why most people don’t – yet apparently only 20% of people use a PIN-lock at all.
I do understand the concerns of some people – that, for example, they may be in an accident and emergency services would need contact numbers – but at the same time I’ve always got that elsewhere in my wallet etc.
As it is, I’d rather keep my primary information safe.
Reporting Potholes
Posted: Mon 4 March, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Driving, Getting Organised, Pedantry Leave a comment »One thing I’ve become a bit of an arse about over the last few months has been reporting potholes and road damage to the local council(s).
I’m not the only one doing it, I’m sure – but particularly with Bedfordshire it’s interesting to see the speed of response from when I’ve reported stuff to when it gets fixed.
I’m drawing the conclusion that it’s down to me because in some cases I’ve left the report for a month or more, with nothing happening. When I report it, it gets checked and fixed quite shortly afterwards. Now sure, it could be that my report is the one that breaks the limit on reporting – but not every time, I’m sure.
I know that councils are reducing their road repairs as part of all this austerity and cost-saving bollocks, but it’s a false economy. The costs/claims for damage are a big factor – and particularly claims are more likely to be paid up when the pothole has been reported (but not repaired) because that shows more of a disregard for maintenance.
I’m not interested in that side particularly. I am interested in getting decent road quality without dangerous potholes causing issues – both to myself and others.
Annual Non-Imaginative Day
Posted: Thu 14 February, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Valentine's Day Leave a comment »So yes, Valentine’s Day. Again.
It’s the day where unimaginative couples everywhere buy cards, flowers, chocolates and/or food to say something they should be doing on every day except this one.
Enjoy. Or, you know, say it with roses…
Rose with a skull in it
The Value of Romance
Posted: Mon 11 February, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, Food, Marketing, People, Thoughts, Valentine's Day Leave a comment »While out over the weekend, I went past a Wetherspoons pub, and they’ve got a stunning offer for Valentine’s Day.
2 for twenty quid – feel valued yet?
Yup – take your beloved out and show her how much you love and value them by making it a Meal for Two for £20. What could possibly be more romantic than that ?
And the sad thing is, I bet they’ll be bloody packed.
Holiday Results
Posted: Tue 22 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Weirdness Leave a comment »Sometimes I swear my brain works differently to everyone elses. (Or at least differently to the people who work in advertising agencies) I’ve just seen an advert saying
“Book your holiday with [company] before January 31st, and your first child comes free!”
And my first thought was “Well, I suppose if it’s conceived there…”
Acid Attacks
Posted: Sat 19 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Television, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yesterday I watched the Channel 4 documentary “Saving Face” about Dr Mohammad Jawad, a renowned plastic surgeon who provides pro bono work rebuilding the faces of Indian women who have been the victims of acid attacks by their husbands.
Yeah, attacks with acid – usually sulphuric – being thrown in their faces. Seriously, what the absolute fuck?
I know women in India aren’t treated with the same accord as in the UK and other countries – but seriously, what kind of mindset is there that makes it OK, indeed ‘the done thing’, to disfigure your partner ? What the shit?
It’s just totally beyond me, I simply don’t understand the process that makes this kind of thing OK.
(And yes, I do know – but don’t understand – the philosophy that one’s woman/partner is just a possession, an object you can choose to keep, throw away, or burn to fuck with acid. I know the philosophy, but still, it’s just wrong. )
Embarassing Fat Bodies
Posted: Wed 16 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, 2012/13, Cynicism, Food, Health, People, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Weight Loss Leave a comment »Channel 4’s got a new series of “Embarassing Fat Bodies” at the moment, and it’s really annoying me. Not just because of my own ongoing issues with weight-loss, but just because of the people.
I know I’ve a long way to go, that’s a foregone conclusion. As such I’ve probably not got much room to talk, currently. You know what? I really don’t care.
You see, the difference with me is that I’m doing something about it. I’m taking the hints from my body, and I’m doing something about it.
The people on Embarassing Fat Bodies just don’t – or at least haven’t – and it’s like they’re waiting for some bloody wizard to come along and wave a wand at them to fix the problem.
One of the people on this week’s programme had a hernia the size of a basketball, a lipoma the size of two footballs, is housebound, and has a BMI of 79. Yes, seventy-fucking-nine! But still she eats – and admits to eating – meals for three or four people.
Another one, 35 stone, BMI of 66 waddled in, having done a food diary, talking about “a bag of crisps”. It turned out that what she meant by that was the huge family-bag size bag of crisps. This is someone who can’t stand, and has brought an office-chair into her kitchen so she can scoot around the kitchen rather than walking around it. But still, a diet of crisps, chocolate, full-fat fizzy drinks.
How long does it take to pick up the hints? If you’re that size, at least cut down what you’re eating, or go for the healthier alternatives!
Again, I’m not perfect, I know. Some of my diet isn’t grand – but my intake is on the low side, not the excesses listed by some of the people on this programme.
Taxi to the Kerb
Posted: Wed 9 January, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Parking Leave a comment »When I got home last night, I was greeted by this exceptional piece of parking, that really did need to be credited.
Couldn’t be much further out
From another viewpoint…
And from another viewpoint
You really couldn’t make it up.
Oh Good God
Posted: Fri 16 November, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charity, Domestic Leave a comment »
Once more, it’s Children in Need day.
This means I’ll be avoiding people like the plague all day. Yes, even more than usual.
Hallowe’en
Posted: Wed 31 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, Hypocrisy, People, Thoughts, Weirdness 1 Comment »Yes, once again it’s that time of year.
The one where, after telling children all year that they shouldn’t talk to strangers, let along accept sweets etc. from strangers, it’s now acceptable – but only for one night (and the following weekend, of course) – to go knocking on doors and – um – accept sweets from strangers.
What could possibly go wrong?
I feel the same about Santa in the Festering Season – again, don’t talk to strangers, but oh, it’s ok this time because you’re talking to Santa and accepting presents. Hey, good move.
In short, ’tis the season to introduce your children to hypocrisy and double-standards. Enjoy.
Odd Name Choice
Posted: Sun 14 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Business, Commuting, Cynicism, Driving, Thoughts Leave a comment »Travelling on the M1 today, I saw a truck for a company called “Fly By Nite” (a courier company)
Now in my mind, “Fly by Night” (regardless of the spelling) is synonymous with something really dodgy – usually smuggling, and the like.
So it seems like an odd choice for a name, but maybe I’m wrong.
Would you use a company where the name was (in your perception) dodgy?
Advertising Irritation
Posted: Wed 10 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cinema, Cynicism, Thoughts Leave a comment »A few days back, I whiffed on about awful adverts in the cinema, ones that have a different effect on people than was perhaps expected
This piece of crap – for Coke Zero, as part of the Skyfall marketing behemoth – is a perfect example.
You can just tell that the ad agency- and probably the client- thought it conveyed a sense of humour, something new and fun to be talked about. But in the cinema, it gets no reaction, no laughter, nothing. (Although there is the occasional “Fuck sake”, or similar)
Super-Specific
Posted: Tue 9 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bankruptcy, Cynicism, Thoughts 1 Comment »Another set of thoughts about advertising, I’m afraid. It’s becoming a bit of a theme at the moment – although that probably indicates I’m watching too much TV, or something.
Anyway, in this case the advert in question is for Lloyds TSB Bank, and their Vantage account.
The ad is making a big deal of their 4% AER interest rate. But take a listen, (and/or a look) at the conditions.
- To qualify for that rate, your account must have a minimum balance of £5,000, and the interest rate is payable up to a maximum balance of £6,000
- You have to open an account and have two direct debits set up by the end of October
- Your account must have at least £1,000 paid in each month, and must stay in credit
Indeed, it’s so specific, I wonder whether anyone will actually qualify for this ‘deal’ at all…
Captive Audience – Part Two
Posted: Sat 6 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cinema, Cynicism, Domestic, Legal, Thoughts Leave a comment »While at the cinema, there’s one other piece of ‘advertising’ (Well, I suppose it comes termed as adverts, but really “lectures” is a better term) that annoys me excessively.
Those adverts/lectures are the anti-piracy lectures, and the one that really fucking grates is this one…
Now bear in mind, this is being shown at the cinema. Everyone who is watching this advert has paid to see the bastard film – we’re not the ones that need to be preached to about not pirating films.
For these pieces of shit, we – the cinema-going audience – are a captive audience. We can’t fast-forward, we can’t go and get a cup of tea, we pretty much have to watch the fucking thing. And it’s preaching to the people who are (I suspect) the least likely group to be pirating films.
Even worse, the adverts are actually counter-productive. Because let’s face it, pirate copies don’t have these bloody anti-piracy adverts on them. And that, to me, is a point in favour of pirated films.
Not really getting it
Posted: Sat 29 September, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Public Transport, Travel, Weirdness Leave a comment »While looking today at train ticket prices, I came across this…
Now I might be missing something, but if the train will take me 35 minutes, and cost £13(ish), why would I be interested in going by National Express, which would cost me more to travel for three times as long ?
I think someone might’ve missed the point…
Not guilty, yet guilty
Posted: Thu 27 September, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, News, Thoughts 13 Comments »[Disclaimer : I know fuck-all about football, and generally couldn’t care less]
I really, truly do not understand the Football Association (FA).
In today’s news, John Terry has been given a four-match suspension, and a £220,000 fine for racially abusing Anton Ferdinand during a match last year. Fair enough, racial abuse is never right (even among footballers), and those doing these things should be punished.
Ah, but. In this case Terry had already been cleared back in July by Westminster Magistrate’s Court of the exact same offence.
So what I don’t understand is why someone can be cleared in a court of law, but punished by a player’s association? Or have I missed something relevant?
Mass Transit
Posted: Sat 22 September, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Public Transport, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »While I’m no hater of public transport in general (with the exception of Virgin Trains, but that’s a different matter) I find that at the moment I’m a bit bemused by the apparent craze in cities for “Guided Busways” at the moment.
When I was in Norfolk/Suffolk and working around Cambridge, they had the Cambridge Guided Busway (also known as “The Busway“) being constructed, and now I’m working near Luton, I see the same construction going on for the Luton-Dunstable Busway.
I do understand the thoughts of getting buses out of the main roadways, freeing them up to run punctually and not affect (or be affected by) other traffic. That makes sense. But as far as I understand it, the perceived negatives far outweigh those positives.
As I see it currently…
- Guided busways reduce the number of available stops, and easy-on/easy-off of ‘normal’ bus routes
- The investment required is massive
- The construction takes a long time, and so
- The disruption involved is equally massive
- In short, it appears to be a total pain in the arse.
I wonder what the real motivations for these things are – I assume there are a whole load of incentives, grants and funding whatevers for this kind of boondoggle.
YPLAC
Posted: Wed 12 September, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Driving, Parking | Tags: YPLAC Leave a comment »From the truly mighty You Park Like A Cunt (YPLAC) comes this absolute gem.
Nothing else needs be said
Alternative Version(s) of Free
Posted: Mon 23 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »While at the cinema this weekend, I saw an advert for the Nokia Lumia – this advert, in fact (although the final price was different)
Most of it’s nothing major, but the last five seconds or so hold the kicker.
“Free, from £15 per month”
And you’ve just got to wonder, how something that costs from £180 a year can be seen as free by anyone except marketers/advertisers.
Naming
Posted: Mon 16 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, People Leave a comment »Yesterday, I witnessed one of the funniest conversations I’ve ever heard…
I went down to the village shop, and while waiting in line at the till, the guy in front was getting served. The guy behind the till was doing all the talking
“Hi Paul, what can I get you?”
“The blue ones down on the left Paul, yeah?”
“Thanks, Paul, that’ll be [Whatever the amount was]”
By this time, even I was thinking “Yeah, OK, pal, you know the guy’s name. Fuck sake”
Guy hands over the money
“Thanks Paul, see you again soon”
“It’s Dave.”
I just about killed myself with laughter.
Olympic Links
Posted: Sat 14 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, London Olympics, People, Thoughts 5 Comments »Lord, this is becoming a theme, isn’t it?
Another item in the long list of stupid bullshit that the organisers of the London 2012 Olympics are doing.
In this case, it’s an example of how draconian organisations really don’t understand complex concepts like Freedom of Speech, or t’Internet.
In London2012’s Terms of Use for the website, it says this…
5.a. Links to the Site. You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner. The use of our logo or any other Olympic or London 2012 Mark(s) as a link to the Site is not permitted. View our guidelines on Use of the Games’ Marks.
(Bold emphasis is my own).
Yep, that’s right. You can’t link to the London 2012 Olympics website if you’re going to say nasty things about them.
Which is pretty fucking ridiculous, when you think about it.
Indeed, the links in this post almost certainly break those Terms. Ah well. Luckily the European Human Rights Act still allows me to say that in my opinion this kind of policy from the London Olympics is draconian bullshit.
Olympic Security
Posted: Thu 12 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, London Olympics, News, Thoughts 3 Comments »Another day, another Olympian feat of fuckuppery.
Today, it’s the news that 3,500 extra troops are being drafted in for Olympic security, in addition to the 13,500 already allocated to the job.
And why is this happening? Because ‘security group’ G4S (who used to be, if memory serves, Securicor, then Group 4) can’t guarantee that they can supply the full quota of 10,000 guards that they’ve been paid £300m to provide.
Some of the extra soldiers have only recently returned from postings overseas. And I wonder how many of them have also recently been told that they’re surplus to requirements ?
Chipless
Posted: Wed 11 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, London Olympics Leave a comment »Following on from other thoughts about Olympian Idiocy with regard to branding, rules and regulations, the following one came up today…
Yep – you can’t even get chips, except for McDonalds’ chips. (Or at least McDonalds soggy wet horrible version of chips)
Now, what I want to know is why on earth anyone would actually want to go to a venue/event so Draconian in its branding and obsession with sponsorship ? (Apparently, wearing a t-shirt that features non-Olympics sponsors has also recently been banned in the Olympic Park) If I want to see anything Olympian, I’ll be able to do so from home, wearing what I want, eating what I want, without feeling ripped off, abused, or corraled.
Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe that’s the plan. To stop the transport infrastructure etc. from imploding, maybe all of this is A Plan by Boris to stop people from wanting to go and see the Olympics at the venues?
UPDATED 12/7/12 – According to the Guardian, the ban has now been lifted.
Phone Insurance – You couldn’t make this shit up
Posted: Mon 9 July, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Insurance, iPhone 2 Comments »This morning, I got three letters from CPP, the muppets company dealing with the claim for my knackered iPhone.
All three are dated the same day – 27th June! Nearly two weeks to get sent out – and all ‘signed’ by the same person. Combined, they make for a brilliant record of how CPP handle things. Well, it’s hilarious if you’re not receiving them.
- Letter 1 – “We need more information – proof of purchase, and a more detailed description of what happened”
- Letter 2 – “We need a more detailed description of what happened” – guess this means they’ve received the proof of purchase ?
- Letter 3 – “Claim denied”. So they’ve received a more detailed description? Or did the one in the initial phone call suddenly suffice?
And bear in mind, this is all two weeks ago – it’s already been appealed, and complained about.
I wonder what excuse they’ll use for these letters, and the fact it’s taken two weeks to receive them…
Phone Insurance – Rejected
Posted: Thu 28 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Insurance, Stupidity 6 Comments »So, following on from yesterday’s post about the idiots at Homecare Insurance (part of CPP Insurance) it now turns out they’ve rejected my claim, because I “didn’t take reasonable precautions”.
Now, the phone is (supposedly) covered against accidental damage. But that apparently doesn’t include accidents. Of course, with insurance, the devil is in the details.
The actual circumstances of the phone’s demise are that I left it on the cistern of the toilet while I had a shower. While in the shower, I assume I received a call or a message and vibrated, because the poxy thing was in the toilet when I got out of the shower. And since then, it’s been knackered, for obvious reasons.
So apparently, I didn’t take enough care of the phone. Sure, I could have been in the bathroom, then left, put the phone somewhere else, and gone back in. I could have put the phone somewhere else in the bathroom – a windowsill, or whatever. But the fact is, I didn’t, I didn’t even think past “It’ll be fine on a flat surface”. Which it has been in the past. I didn’t think it’d fall in, because it was on a flat safe surface, not even close to the edge.
And this all means I didn’t (currently) take reasonable precautions. I freely admit to being an idiot, but the process wasn’t a careless or slapdash one – just a stupid one.
It’s being appealed, and the entire process is now also a full formal complaint.
But short story? If you’re insured with Homecare or CPP, don’t expect accidental damage to be covered, even when they say it is.
Missing the Point – Insurance
Posted: Wed 27 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Insurance, Stupidity, Thoughts 1 Comment »Just under two weeks ago, I buggered up my iPhone. Like an idiot, I’d laid it on the cistern of the loo while I had a shower. I assume it received a message while I was showering, vibrated, slid off the cistern, splosh.
Fortunately, the phone is/was insured, so a claim is being processed.Equally fortunately, the insurance is an added benefit to my bank account – and that’s fortunate, because if I was paying for this policy, I’d be a lot more annoyed than I currently am.
The company, Homecare insurance, are part of the CPPGroup and are – frankly – a bunch of clowns.
When I first called, their systems were unavailable. So they said they’d call me back – except they can only call me back on my registered number. Which is, of course, my mobile. Which is knackered, hence why I’m calling them. But you can’t change the number, it’s only the registered one. And when I asked to speak to a manager, they couldn’t be put through because the systems were down. (Why managers are unavailable when the system is down is something we’ll just ignore for now. I suspect it’d make my brain hurt)
So. They can send out a claim form, but you can’t email or fax it back – it’s got to be posted. And then it takes five days to process. Bearing in mind that everything in the policy says “covered against accidental damage, water damage etc.”, I don’t quite know how it takes five days to make that decision.
Anyway. I got an email from the cretins today.
“We have attempted to contact you by telephone to discuss the claim you have made on your phone insurance policy but were unsuccessful in contacting you.“
Yes, they’ve tried calling the mobile number – again – and can’t get through. Considering it’s the phone I’m claiming for, I wonder why they can’t get through?
Reverse Parking
Posted: Sat 23 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Parking, People, Shopping, Thoughts 2 Comments »When visiting the local supermarket – I’m not going to specify, because this set of thoughts are location-independent, having seen the same thing at at least six places – I’m always bemused by a certain parking style.
No, this isn’t YPLAC (You Park Like A Cunt) – for once – but it’s something just as bizarre. And I’m going to phrase it as a question
If they’re going to a supermarket, and doing their weekly/monthly big shop, why the FUCK do these people reverse into parking spaces ? I always see at least one per visit where they’re then faced with real issues when it comes to putting that shopping into the boot of the car.
I just don’t understand the logic – or maybe the lack thereof – that goes into this. I do get that some people don’t like reversing out of a space, although I’ve no idea why. Personally, I think reversing in to a space is far more prone to being visited by the Fuck-Up Fairy, but there we go. Still, personal choice, and all that shite.
But for loading shopping into a car, it seems like it just makes things so much harder when you’ve reversed into the space, rather than going in forwards, and leaving the boot of the car out in the open, so you can just lift’n’load.
People are, to be sure, weird.
Food Origins
Posted: Fri 15 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Education, People, Stupidity, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’ve known for a while about how some people don’t know where their food comes from – but even so, this particular story is pretty shocking.
Basically, in a poll of 2000 people by LEAF “Linking Environment and Farming” – although I can’t currently find mention of this poll on their site – 33% of young adults aged between 16 and 23 were unaware of where eggs come from – and 11% answered that eggs are produced from wheat or maize.
Additionally, 36% of the same age group failed to answer that bacon comes from pigs, while 40% did not know that cows produce milk.
Now it might be that one third of the sample were thick as mince, but all the same, it’s pretty scary.
Mind you, I’ve also known of people who
- when asked where chicken/beef/pork come from, answer “Tesco”
- didn’t know that chicken (the meat) comes from chicken (the bird) – I’ve seen that one myself
So I’m not too surprised, but all the same, it’s pretty depressing. My parents always taught my brother and I where food came from – to the extent that my brother used to refer to animals by the condiments that went with them : Cows = Horseradish. Lamb = Mint Sauce. Pigs = Apple Sauce.
Mind you, still no-one really knows what meat goes into kebabs, or just where on a chicken creates McNuggets…
Anchor
Posted: Thu 14 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Commuting, Driving, Sweary 2 Comments »I got sent this today, and loved it enough to want to share…
Don’t drive like a …
What’s next, I wonder ?
Don’t drive like a tw@ ?
Venue Regulations
Posted: Wed 6 June, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, London Olympics, Thoughts | Tags: 2012, London, Olympics, Venue Regulations 2 Comments »(via Diamond Geezer)
Apparently, a bundle of new signs have gone up round the sites for the London Olympics, that look like this…
Venue Regulations sign
Only those Venue Regulations aren’t so easy to find on the site. Indeed, they’re in a PDF (thanks, Google) which is going to make it pretty difficult to read them before you go into the Venue.
And the list of regulations – which you’re accepting without being able to read them – is pretty draconian…
- ‘Games’ means the London 2012 Olympic Games and Paralympic Games
- ‘LOCOG’ means The London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games and Paralympic Games Limited, One Churchill Place, Canary Wharf, London E14 5LN
- ‘Person’ means an individual, partnership, firm, corporation, association, trust, unincorporated association or any other legal person
- ‘Terms and Conditions’ means the Terms and Conditions of Ticket Purchase, the terms of the Ticket Application Form (and accompanying Ticket Guide), LOCOG’s Ticketing privacy policy (full details of which are available at www.tickets.london2012.com) and any other rules brought to the attention of a Person prior to entry to the Venue
- ‘Venue’ means a location under the control of LOCOG including but not limited to all venues where a Games event is to be held
- Notwithstanding possession of any ticket, security pass or accreditation, permission to enter and to remain on the Venue is at the absolute discretion of LOCOG.
- LOCOG has the right to search any Person entering the Venue. Any Person who rejects a security search or refuses to comply with rules and security notices published by LOCOG from time to time will be refused entry to or ejected from the Venue.
- LOCOG reserves absolutely the right to refuse entry to or eject from the Venue any Person:
- failing, or (in LOCOG’s opinion) likely to fail, to comply with any of these Venue Regulations, the Terms and Conditions or any instruction issued by LOCOG, a police officer or any person authorised to act on behalf of LOCOG;
- whose presence within the Venue is, or (in the opinion of LOCOG) could, be construed as constituting a source of danger, nuisance or annoyance to any other Person
- who is in possession of a Prohibited or Restricted Item as set out in the Terms and Conditions of Ticket Purchase (which can be found at http://www.tickets.london2012.com/purchaseterms.html)
- engaging in threatening, abusive or violent behaviour, and foul or abusive language; or
- causing, or (in LOCOG’s opinion) likely to cause, damage to the Venue or any equipment, fitting or fixture within the Venue.
- The obstruction of access ways, exits and entrance, stairways, common areas and any other areas within the Venue is strictly forbidden and this includes, but is not limited to, the erection or unauthorised occupation of tents or other temporary or permanent structures anywhere within the Venue and any Person creating or attempting to create such an obstruction will immediately be ejected from the Venue.
- No sponsorship, promotional or marketing materials may be brought into, used or displayed by any Person within the Venue unless expressly permitted in writing by LOCOG.
- Mobile telephones are permitted within the Venue, provided that they are used for personal and private use only and provided that no material (including audio, visual or audio-visual material) captured by a mobile telephone may be made available to any third party.
- CCTV cameras are in use around and within the Venue and LOCOG may itself use or pass to the police any recordings.
- Any property left on the Venue remains at the entire risk of the owner of the property or person leaving the same and LOCOG accepts no liability for the theft or other loss or damage of such property.
- LOCOG excludes (to the maximum extent permitted by law) any liability for loss, injury or damage to persons or property on the Venue.
Item 3 in particular has some interesting stuff about who might not be allowed in to the venue (odd, considering you’ve already gone in, and accepted these terms) – but basically it comes down to “Anyone who is – or in our opinion might be – going to be naughty”. I don’t mind the “is” part – that’s common sense – it’s the “or, in our opinion” part that causes discomfort. Who knows what might incur the blacklist ?
And according to Item 5, you can’t wear anything with logos. That’s pretty hard to do, in fact. I’m generally logo-phobic, but I know I have stuff that has a logo on it. And according to Item 6, you also can’t upload your photos to – for example – Facebook, Flickr, 500px etc.
All told, it’s a wonder that anyone actually wants to go to the Olympics at all, isn’t it?
Discovery / Stupidity
Posted: Tue 29 May, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Driving, Education, Stupidity Leave a comment »Every so often, you discover something, and realise you’ve either made a stupid mistake, (even if based on a logical premise) or just never clicked on the reasons why.
An example of the latter for this was that I only realised last year that the Jubilee line is silver on the London Underground map because it was – yes – the Queen’s Silver Jubilee. Yeah, yeah, I know.
Another – this time from my father – was that in the “Thomas the Tank Engine” stories, James was red, because he was “ready for anything”. The look of “Oh!” on my dad’s face was priceless when he eventually clicked on to it – but it was a long time after he’d been reading the books to my brother and I.
Anyway, today’s discovery was more on the ‘stupid but logical’ side. Until looking at a map today, and seeing it by chance, I had never actually realised that Watford Gap is nowhere near Watford. Indeed, there’s about 60 miles between the two…
So I feel a bit of an idiot, although I can justify/explain the logic beneath that thought…
Savings
Posted: Mon 28 May, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Business, Customer Services, Cynicism, Thoughts, Weirdness 5 Comments »Over the weekend, I was in Sainsbury’s, and saw a fine example of weird savings…
I’m sure I’ve waffed on about this before, but I can’t be chuffed to double-check. (Turns out, July 2009) Anyway, it’s hardly news.
In this case, a 4-pack of 2L Diet Coke bottles is retailing at £6.50. (And let’s not get onto the price-increase side of things – It’s not long ago that that 4-pack was £5) As a 2L bottle on its own is around the £2 mark – I think it was £1.98, but who’s counting? – then £6.50 for four isn’t a bad deal.
Except – except! – that if you pay a bit more attention, they’re also doing “3 for the price of two” on the individual 2L bottles.
So you can get six bottles for £8 ( or £1.33 a bottle) , instead of four for £6.50 ( £1.62 per bottle )
Supermarkets are very strange places when it comes to saving money…
Funding the Daily Mail
Posted: Wed 4 April, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Media, Stupidity 1 Comment »In yesterday’s Daily Mail, a woman called Samantha Brick wittered on wrote an article about how life was so difficult for her ‘because she was so beautiful’. (That’s a link to the story, if you really must read it – but hang on before you do so)
Predictably, t’internet – and Twitter in particular – frothed up about it massively, and the story went viral. Which is exactly what the Daily Fail wanted.
According to their own follow-up story, that original article garnered 4,500 comments. And the ‘top-rated’ comment received 18,000 ‘green arrow’ upticks. (Think of a Green Arrow as being similar to a Facebook Like)
The Daily Fail lives by advertising. The Mail’s Online Ratecard shows that they charge a minimum of £20 per 1,000 advert impressions – and it can be a lot more.
The original story had (at the time of writing the follow-up) received 1.5million hits – that’s a minimum of £30,000 they’ve made on the one story. Of course, the original story/page is still live, and there’s also a follow-up piece from Brick herself. From the Fail…
And today she is sure to provoke another avalanche of strong reaction as she defends herself in a fresh article on MailOnline, insisting that: ‘While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proved my point. Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.’
So to all the people who comment, or even just click through to read the story, I say this.
YOU are the people who fund the Daily Mail. Every single one of you. Now, don’t you feel proud?
Crackers for Easter
Posted: Mon 2 April, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Festering Season, Sweary 1 Comment »Over the weekend, in Sainsbury’s, I spotted packs of Easter Crackers. Yeah, like Christmas Crackers, but for Easter.
What. The. Fuck?!?
(Looking on Google, it appears that this is becoming a common thing, somehow)
I didn’t get any photos this time – I’ll try to get some next time I’m there.
But really, what the hell is going on, if Easter Crackers are now a thing?
Unrewarded Idiocy
Posted: Tue 13 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Driving, People, Stupidity 4 Comments »On my commute this morning I saw one of the more incredible things of late.
In the outside lane of the M1, two drivers had managed to have a small collision in the traffic. Nothing major, from the look of it, a few scratches, maybe a resprayed bumper or somesuch. But there was nothing major – no broken bodywork, no wheels askew, or anything like that.
The drivers had stopped to exchange details, as one should in an accident.
In the outside lane of the M1. As one shouldn’t, in an accident or at any other time.
Some people are just too stupid to deserve to live.
Celebrity Sharktank
Posted: Thu 8 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, MOTB, People, Television, Thoughts 2 Comments »Over on Twitter today, I was having a conversation with a couple of friends, and an idea came to. It would never be made – but we can dream…
The idea, as the title of this post suggests, would be Celebrity Sharktank. (Or Celebrities Swimming with Sharks – either way)
The premise – and this is the good bit – is to take ten ‘celebrities’, and let them go swimming with a whole swarm of sharks. Great Whites, Makos, Hammerheads, all the good ones. Throw in a bit of chum (bloody meat/fish, if you didn’t know) and you’ve got a TV programme to be proud of.
The ‘Winner’ of the programme would be the last one alive. Of course, if the recovery crew were really slow at getting to the ‘Winner’, would anyone care?
In my mind, the contestants for the first episode would be :
- The Kardashian sisters
- Jedward
- Simon Cowell
- the cast of TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) and
- the cast of Jersey Shore
The first episode would be called “Feeding Frenzy” in honour of there being rather more victims (sorry, contestants) than usual. I suspect Cowell would “Win”, but only because there’s a limit to the shit that even a shark can eat.
I suppose the only downside of this would be the potential for complaints about cruelty to animals…
Tactical Driving
Posted: Wed 7 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Charm School, Commuting, Driving, MOTB 6 Comments »Over the last few days I’ve been taking part in a fun new game I’ll call “The Tactical Driving Game”. It’s also called “the 505 game”, because it’s currently taking place on the A505.
Basically, find a route with several speed cameras on it. The A505 between Baldock and Royston is good for it, and I’d imagine that the A1 around Elkesley is another gem.
While driving at normal speed, end up with some titbag trying to intimidate you into shifting and letting them past.
Pull in when you get a chance – but particularly at certain spots along the road.
Titbag then goes blasting past, attempting to intimidate/impress with their speed/acceleration/car.
And *flash*, off goes the speed camera.
It’s a joy, I tell you. A joy.
iDevice Upgrade
Posted: Mon 5 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Change, Domestic, Geeky, iPhone 2 Comments »Just under two years ago, I succumbed and got an iPhone. No-one was more surprised than me, as I wasn’t (and I’m still not) a fan of the Apple hype and fanboy obsessions with iDevices
As it turns out, I’ve been quite pleased with the iPhone, and it’s done everything it’s supposed to without annoying me too much. There’s niggles, but I think there’s niggles with any smartphone or similar device.
However, over the last couple of weeks, it’s been getting a bit flaky. The display had taken on a weird tendency to get a purple filter on it, which is visually interesting (and I must have some photo fun with a similar kind of effect, if I can manage it) but it was beginning to annoy.
Being well past the 18month contract, I went in to the local O2 shop over the weekend, and changed phone – to an iPhone 4S. (I’d previously had the 3GS) So far, I’m pretty pleased with it – and the backup/restore process to bring everything over from old phone to new was, I’m pleased to say, a really simple process.
I did look at other phones, Android OS and the like, but in the end the updated iPhone suited my requirements/use better than the other options. Again.
(Oh, and a quick thing – yes, 2 year device life is bobbins. Anyway, once I’ve cleared/reset it, I’m submitting the 3GS for recycling, which is better than nowt)
Hidden Messages
Posted: Thu 1 March, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Depression, Domestic, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Recently I’ve noticed a similar ‘message’ in at least two songs on Radio 1‘s current playlist. I know, I’m way outside the target demographic for R1, and blah blah, but I just can’t bring myself to switch to either Radio 2, or some godawful commercial hunk of crap.
Anyway.
First is Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games”…
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Second is Nervo’s “We’re all no-one”
We’re all no one ’til someone thinks that we’re someone
‘Til then we’re no one
Notice the similarity?
In both cases, supposedly there’s nothing good in the world, unless we’re with someone else.
And that really pisses me off.
Intrusive
Posted: Wed 29 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Domestic, People, Sweary, Thoughts Leave a comment »I’d forgotten about this ’til now, but it annoyed me at the time.
Over the weekend, I went in to the local Asda store.Along with some other things, I bought some Diet Coke in 500ml bottles. I prefer them that way for drinking in the car, or whatever.
Anyway, I got to the till, and put them on the conveyor belt thingy. At which point the woman stood behind me pointed at them and said “Osteoporosis”.
*shrug* OK, weird. I know, but frankly what business is it of yours, lady?
Obviously she hadn’t stuck her nose in enough yet…
“That’s really bad for you, you know”
“Yep, I know. Mind you, I’ve always said that it’s either Diet Coke, or I can take up heroin instead.”
Her daughter laughed out loud.
“And I can’t imagine all that chocolate and sweetener you’re buying is going to do you any good.”
Silence.
But really, how fucking rude do you have to be, to shove your (unwanted) opinion in someone else’s face in the middle of a supermarket?
Google Web History
Posted: Thu 23 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Geeky, Legal, Privacy, Security, Technology 3 Comments »On March 1st, Google’s privacy policy is changing.
If you don’t want your web history (among other things) stored past that date, you need to delete it in the next week. If you leave it ’til 1st March, it will be too late – you need to have done it by the end of 29th Feb.
The EFF has a useful page here about how to delete your Google web history.
Marketing, Data, and Predictions
Posted: Fri 17 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Business, Cynicism, Marketing, People, Shopping 4 Comments »Over at Forbes.com, there’s a really interesting article about how companies can make predictions about your life and life-events, based purely on your buying habits.
In this case, the US store Target did analysis on its customers who signed up for their ‘pregnancy club’, and then data-mined their buying habits in the run-up to the birth. Of course, you need something to identify these people by – that’s what ‘loyalty’ cards are for. (Tesco’s Clubcard, Sainsbury’s’ Nectar etc. etc)
And of course it turns out that they could then send out marketing to those people – in one case, knowing a girl was pregnant before her own father did.
It’s always worth remembering, stores don’t give you loyalty cards and ‘rewards’ for nothing. They own all the data about you that the cards give – what you’re buying, why, when, where etc. – and they’re using that for their own profitability.
As David Mitchell said, (and I think I’ve posted it here before) :
When you’re getting something free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product.
Updated : A quick add – this was also something written about in the New York Times Magazine article ‘How Companies Learn Your Secrets‘
CEOP
Posted: Tue 7 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Geeky, People, Stupidity, Technology Leave a comment »And on the subject of CEOP, which is (apparently) part of the UK Police, wouldn’t you have thought they could’ve made the acronym into eCOP instead?
As an example, they probably could have called it ‘Exploited Children’s Online Protection’. Or something.
Mind you, it just goes to show how little thought went into CEOP in the first place, doesn’t it?
Internet Safety
Posted: Tue 7 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Geeky, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »Today is, allegedly, “Safer Internet Day“.
Surprisingly, it’s not being mentioned or promoted by CEOP, the Child Exploitation and Online Protection bunch of muppets Centre. Not a thing.
Wouldn’t you think that – if CEOP were actually any fucking use at all – they’d support and cross-promote this Safer Internet Day? Or even have created the concept themselves.
You Park Like a Cunt
Posted: Tue 7 February, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Driving, Parking 1 Comment »(via @thehacksaw – thanks!)
I know I’ve posted one or two ( *ahem* ) pictures in the past of people parking like titbags, but this site is just brilliant. Sterling work.
Ian Corbett and Toyota Ireland – Retraction Of Comments
Posted: Thu 8 September, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Cynicism, D4D™, People, Stupidity, Sweary, Toyota IE 7 Comments »Following a request from his legal advisers, I am retracting these comments forthwith, and have deleted the original post(s) to reflect this. I apologise for any harm caused.
(This retraction has been approved by Gore Grimes Solicitors. My personal view hasn’t changed, but legal stuff prevails over personal opinion, it seems. Maybe next time he’ll remember about BCC, and privacy concerns resulting therefrom)
Late to the Story
Posted: Thu 4 August, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, News, People, Thoughts 1 Comment »I see today in the news that Heather Mills is complaining today that her phone was hacked by the Mirror Group of newspapers 8 years ago. Yep – 8 years ago.
Is it only me who thinks that this might – just maybe – be a bit of a bandwagon jump? Phone hacking has been in the media for most of this year, and even more so over the last month. And it’s only now that Mills (and several others) jump into the ring too. Very odd.
Words Are Weapons
Posted: Thu 9 June, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Art Leave a comment »Arm yourself
Words are Weapons - Arm yourself
Shock, Horror
Posted: Wed 6 April, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, Pedantry, People, Thoughts 3 Comments »At least two different media sites are today carrying the story about the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) telling clothing company Jack Wills (ever heard of them? I hadn’t) to not continue publishing their current catalogue until certain images are changed.
The story’s on the BBC here – and on the scumrag Daily Mail here.
Only one of the two stories manages to also show the image in it’s full “offensive” version. Guess which one?
Yep, you got it – good old Daily Fail, making sure its readers know precisely what they should be offended by.
[Oh, and if you do want to know what the image is, look below the ‘More’ link]
Yes / No
Posted: Mon 7 February, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Agency Idiocy, Business, Cynicism, Design, Geeky, People, Stupidity, Work-related Leave a comment »Via the linguistic/literacy genius known as Sevitz (or Svetzi) comes this gem…
Oh. My. God.
I’ve worked with some spectacular options for Yes/No, but this one is way up there.
Raise the Double Standard
Posted: Thu 3 February, 2011 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Daily Mail, Hypocrisy, News, People 3 Comments »You’ve got to love the Daily Mail, haven’t you? Much as it’s a bigoted vicious racist hate-mongering shit-rag, it’s also the most hypocritical, two-faced piece of crap outside of politics.
And then they do double standards as portrayed here…
Two stories in the same day, both about Kelly Osborne
Which Deal ?
Posted: Fri 10 December, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, Domestic, People, Shopping, Thoughts 7 Comments »Being a tad addicted (still) to that Tropicana Orange and Lime juice at the moment, I’m aware of which supermarkets have it on special offer at the moment. It’s odd, it always seems to be on some kind of “deal”.
Anyway, at the moment
- Supermarket One has it at 2 for £3
- Supermarket Two has it on 3 for £5.
I found it interesting, because Supermarket Two’s offer instinctively looks like a better deal. And I don’t know why.
Logically, Supermarket One is actually the better deal. But I had to think about it to be sure.
What do you think? Which one looks the better offer? (I know which one is the better one, obviously – I’m interested in perceptions rather than fact)
Detection, not Prevention
Posted: Thu 9 December, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, People, Technology, Thoughts 1 Comment »In Birmingham, the police are installing microphones/sensors to detect the sound of gunshots. It’s being marketed as a way of reducing/preventing gun crime. And I don’t quite get that.
As an overview in the BBC story says,
West Midlands Police seem sure this initiative will help cut gun crime and give officers more confidence heading into unpredictable situations.
Despite this being a pilot there is a belief that if successful this will be rolled out to other UK cities.
But it’s not going to cut gun crime.
These sensors work on the sound of a gunshot. So they’re maybe – maybe – going to detect that a gun’s been fired, and roughly where. (A 25m (80-odd feet) radius in a city is a pretty big location) But the gun’s got to be fired before it can be detected. It has issues (obviously) detecting gunshots from inside a building, or where a silencer is used.
And the detection method? Again from the BBC story,
The £150,000 system records an audio clip and sends police a GPS location.
A police officer trained to listen to the clips then makes a judgement on what they have heard before deploying officers.
So the sound has to be detected/recorded, then sent to the control room, then listened to by a trained officer, then the police get deployed.
Not really preventative at all then, is it?
Honest Intent
Posted: Fri 5 November, 2010 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, People, Politics, Security, Thoughts Leave a comment »On this particular day, remember that Guy Fawkes is still the last person to enter the Houses of Parliament with honest intentions.
The Gunpowder Plot is a healthy reminder that terrorism really is nothing new. Mind you, if the risk of terrorism now were to involve being hung, drawn and quartered, I wonder how many would still think it such a cool thing ?