D4D

Don't get mad - get a shotgun.

Black Friday

According to half the retailers in the UK, today is ‘Black Friday‘. Except, um, it’s not, not really.

Black Friday is the American equivalent of our Boxing Day sales. It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and is traditionally when American stores have all their bargains and super-deals, because it’s usually regarded as the start of the Christmas shopping season.

Obviously, Thanksgiving isn’t something that we in the UK celebrate – and if we did, it would be more about celebrating getting rid of those puritanical shitbags onto the Mayflower in the first place, going off to found the Plymouth Colony.

So Black Friday means the sum total of fuck-all squared, except as a marketing ploy for people to follow and buy yet more shit they don’t really need.

Life Is Loud

A long time ago (six years, no less) I wrote in fairly comprehensive detail about ear-wax buildup, and how the brain copes with blocked-up hearing.

I’d had my ears re-done in the interim – I know there was one time in Norfolk at least – but it’s improved and I hadn’t needed to have it done again since at least moving to this house. I reckon it’s about four years since it last needed doing.

But lo, the time was upon me once again – one ear’s been bad for a while, and the other was well on its way – and being a bit more pro-active than in the post six years ago, I got myself booked in before both were completely shagged.

Today was the day, and all is done now. It wasn’t as bad as it has been before – but it was still pretty grim. (And let’s face it, blocked ears are never going to be less than grim)

As always, it amazes me how much the brain rebalances things, and accomodates for these issues as the happen. It’s incredible – but in some ways it doesn’t actually help, because you don’t recognise how bad things have become until it’s all been fixed and is back to normal.

It’ll settle down again, but right now, wow, Life is loud.

Racist Epilation

One aspect of working from home on a regular basis is that sometimes I get to see daytime TV – including, on occasion, adverts.

In this case, I saw one for the Homedics Duo epilator, and then noticed the small print at the bottom of the screen.

Not effective on red, grey, or light blonde hair. Not suitable for black skin

Now seriously, what the actual fuck is that all about?

An epilator that won’t work on any hair except brown, black (or, one assumes, ‘dark blonde’- whatever the fuck that is) and not on black skin.  Makes it pretty shit, surely?

Mind you, that’s probably why they’re advertising it on bloody daytime TV…

Christmas Parks

ScroogeI don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a  “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.

This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.

Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.

Domesticity

Today, I was planning to take a trip up to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park – there’s a couple of exhibitions up there that I want to see before mid-January – and it was likely to be as good a day as any.

However, I got up later than planned, and the weather was bloody grotty, so I changed my plans, and did a bundle of domestic stuff instead.

So today I managed to…

  • Cook up an excellent Venison Goulash – my first slow-cooker recipe of winter
  • Filled up the car
  • Did all the outstanding ironing
  • And the laundry
  • Wrote some new stuff, and jotted down more ideas
  • Made some notes and plans for 2015

It might not sound like much, but it feels good to be a bit more sorted. In particular, having no outstanding laundry or ironing is a great feeling – although I know there’ll be ironing to do again once the laundry is dried – but it’s been a decently productive day, and all things are good.

Inept

Following on from yesterday’s post about car maintenance, and giving the Saab a treat, there was one final thing that needed doing.

Over the last couple of months, the car’s been intermittently reporting “Key battery needs changing”. It did it for a week, then stopped doing so. Then every so often the message would return. (I know, that’s pretty much the definition of ‘intermittent’. Sod off)

Anyway, last week it got more consistent, and over the weekend it started not locking etc., which I figure is a pretty good indication that it’s time to sort it out. (Luckily I’ve got two keys, so it wasn’t a complete hassle) Having looked at the instruction book – yes, a man reading the instructions, what a rarity – and picked up the necessary battery on Sunday, expecting it to be a two-minute job.

Safe to say, it wasn’t a two-minute job. Following the simple instructions, the panel on the key simply wouldn’t open. I probably could’ve forced it, but what the hell would be the point of that?

So it ended up that yesterday I went to my Saab garage, and got them to do it instead. It cost me nothing (except the fuel to get there, of course) and yes, it took them less than two minutes all told.

On occasion it’s galling to be quite this inept – although they did say it’s something that a lot of people have issues with doing – but at the same time I’m fairly secure in my inpetitude, and in getting things done by those who know how to do so.

Basic Maintenance

This week, the Saab must think it’s been stolen – allbeit by someone who actually gives a damn about cars.

With the various odds-and-sods and issues of the last few months, basic car stuff had kind of gone by the wayside. I’ve been promising the car some attention, and so now normality has been somewhat resumed, it’s been time to do it. Plus, of course, the onset of winter conditions, which means it makes sense to ensure things are sorted.

Over the weekend, it got a proper clean inside and out (I don’t quite know how car windows get so disgusting on the inside, but they do) which made a world of difference. There were also new windscreen wipers – the last MOT said they were OKish and wouldn’t fail the car, but did need replacing. So with the colder/wetter weather (and with the next MOT due in a couple of months) it was worth sorting out.

Finally, it’s now sitting on new tyres – it’s a year since I did the last new set, and they’ve done nearly 30,000 miles in that time.

Of course, now it’s had another couple of hundred quid spent on it, it’ll now break down spectacularly in the next couple of weeks, knowing my luck.

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