Weirdly Consistent
Posted: Fri 14 December, 2018 Filed under: Cinema, Customer Services, Domestic, Films, Geeky, Single Life, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »When I moved here six-and-a-half years ago (and yes, that does still freak me out) I got a Cineworld Unlimited card, so I could see as many films as I wanted to. It’s a decent deal, less than £20 a month, so as long as you see more than one film per month, it’s paid for itself.
Because I’m a geek, I also started listing what I’d seen, with a separate sheet per year.
And it seems like I’m really quite consistent in how many films I see each year – not through any plan or schedule, it’s just the way it’s worked out.
The totals are
- 2012 – 26 films (although that’s in under six months, as I didn’t get the card ’til July/August)
- 2013 – 61 films
- 2014 – 64 films
- 2015 – 64 films
- 2016 – 54 films
- 2017 – 66 films
And so far this year I’m on… 62, with a couple of weeks to go.
Each year I think I’ll up my quality control a bit and see fewer films (when you’re not paying anything to see them, it’s remarkably easy to just say “Yeah, fuck it, I’ll give that a go”) And yet it all ends up being much of a muchness.
It’s odd, but I’m not going to complain. At least I know I’m getting value for money out of my Unlimited card. (It’s an outlay per year of £215 all told – so each film is costing me an average of £3.30, which is one fuck of a lot cheaper than the £10-ish for a single ticket!)
PIDU : Missing the Main Attraction
Posted: Mon 8 May, 2017 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, Gigs, I Don't Understand, London, People, Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts 1 Comment »[PIDU = People I Don’t Understand]
There are many, many types of people I don’t understand – or at least whose thought processes are beyond me. That’s the theme of the PIDU posts (as mentioned here, although I’ll probably repeat this a few times) and may also become a bit of a throwback to the rants of yore. It may also just fade out. We’ll see.
Anyway, one of the many things that are beyond me are the people who turn up for a concert – indeed, a performance of any kind, really – or a film, and then keep on going out, or chatting, or really doing anything that doesn’t involve focusing on that main act.
In the cinema, it boggles my mind. People will rock up late, when the film’s already started. They’ll sit for a bit, eat their sodding popcorn, slurp their bastard drinks, and before you know it, they’ve got to go to the toilet. (I assume. They never come back having purchased more food or drink, anyway) Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people, that they can’t manage to control their bladders for a couple of hours so they can sit and watch a film they’ve paid good money to see? Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever had to walk out of a film in order to have a slash. Even in the five-ish hour Alien/Prometheus double-bill the other week.
I get it, some people have bladder issues, or continence issues, and there are other complaints along the way. But I haven’t been to a film in years where no-one walks out at some point in the showing, and then comes back. Yes, those issues exist, but a) so do preventive measures and things to cater for those issues, and b) I truly don’t believe that the issues are so prevalent that it affects that many people in Milton Keynes.
And then, of course, we get to the fuckknuckles who go to concerts and performances, and chat to their mates all the way through – a lot of the time barely even looking at the stage. If they are looking, these self-absorbed vacuous twatwoggles are filming the performance/act on their bastard phones and tables, and screwing things up for everyone behind them.
What’s the point? Why would you pay £20-50 per head to go to a concert and then not bother watching/listening? If all you want to do is drink beer and talk bollocks, you might as well save the ticket money, and fuck off to the pub. Let more people in that want to see the actual gig, rather than making them listen to your braying laugh and piss-awful “banter”. (speaking of which, anyone who uses the word “banter” or “bantz/bants” to describe their interactions with friends is a fuckwitted jizzwizard by definition) Just cock off and spend your money on lukewarm piss at a Wetherspoons round the corner.
At some point, it’s all going to annoy me enough that I walk up to one of these spaffbuckles and just ask what went through their minds, why they decided to go to a gig and then ignore it all, and just chat. It’s happened before, and all I got in return was a look of blank incomprehension (I’m pretty sure it was their default expression, in fairness) but it fascinates me, I want to know why they’ve decided that those actions are a good plan.
Maybe one day I’ll find out. But I can’t see it being any time soon, because those doing it don’t have the introspection or self-awareness to be able to explain those processes.
Logan
Posted: Mon 6 March, 2017 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Films, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »As expected (and hoped-for), Logan turned out to be bloody good – and succeeded in all the aims that the writers and director had gone for.
It’s a superhero/comic-book film that doesn’t work to the normal stereotypes. Most importantly, it’s one where you don’t need to have seen any of the other X-Men or Wolverine films before seeing Logan. It’s more a stand-alone film that just happens to occupy the same space as some of those movies.
In many ways it’s actually more of a Western than a superhero film, and that’s no bad thing in my book. They make a lot of connections with Shane, but it could just as easily have been Unforgiven. There’s a kind of bitterness to the whole film, both an anger at getting old, and an acknowledgement that it’s happened – and also a huge sadness about it.
In the case of both of the major characters, age is hitting the things they’re most valued by – Charles Xavier, always valued for his intelligence/genius, is suffering from dementia (among other things), and Logan’s regenerative ability is fading, leaving him sore, scarred, and hurting in ways he’s never had to get used to.
The next generation is ably served by Laura (AKA X-23), played by Dafne Keen, who is frankly awesome. She doesn’t speak for the greater part of the film, but the emotion and feeling she conveys in a glare and an eyebrow is nothing short of stunning.
Obviously, if you hate superhero and comic-book films, Logan won’t change your opinion. If you’re open to them, it’s one that is well worth seeing.
Wicking Away
Posted: Wed 15 February, 2017 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Films, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »So yes, last night I went to see John Wick Chapter 2 at the cinema. If nothing else, it amused me that they were putting on the preview release of this on Valentine’s Day, as it’s just about the absolute antithesis of a romantic film.
I really liked the first John Wick film, which was a bit of a sneak hit that people hadn’t really been expecting. It’s exceptionally violent – as you’d kind of expect from the basic premise of “a retired killer comes back to avenge the death of those important to him” – but also highly stylised and stylish, with stuff shown in ways that hadn’t really been done before. It was also helped by the fact that the directors ( Chad Stahelski and David Leitch ) are both ex-stuntmen, who know what works and what looks good. They brought that experience and energy to the original, and continue to do so for the second chapter. It also made a decent amount of money ($86m from a $20m budget) so a sequel was always likely to happen.
Wick 2 is written and directed by the same primary people (although no David Leitch this time) and managed to keep all the same primary cast, while also adding in some pretty high-powered names along the way.
Happily, it is just as insane and violent as its predecessor – if you’re not into that type of film, just don’t even contemplate going. I have no idea how it got away with being a 15 certificate, but it did, so there we go.
Again, it’s also hyper-stylised, with an individual style and look, as well as building up an ample mythology that will (I suspect) take it into a third (and probably fourth) film with ease. It also looks like it’ll do better than the original – at the time of writing it’s already made $44m on a $40m budget, and that’s before the UK release. Indeed, it only came out in the US on 30th January, so it’s had two weeks there, and made its money back already. Not bad going.
So yeah, worth seeing, assuming you like the same sort of ridiculous rubbish as I appear to…
Attention Span
Posted: Thu 5 January, 2017 Filed under: Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Domestic, Films, People, Seeing Films, Technology, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Yesterday, there was a bundle of news coverage about Apple’s supposedly-upcoming “Cinema Mode” for iPhones and iPads as part of the next iOS release.
This will (again, supposedly) allow people in cinemas – and other darkened environments, one assumes – to check their phones without disturbing those around them, mainly through use of a ‘dark’ colour-scheme, so the display doesn’t glow like a lighthouse.
In fairness, this annoys me on a regular basis at the cinema – there’s always some fuckknuckle who wants to check stuff while ‘watching’ a film, leaving their phone’s volume up, or some other piece of vacuous self-centred idiocy. But really, a phone mode to cater for that?
It irritates me that so many people now seem to be utterly incapable of sitting for a couple of hours and watching a film. There’ve been a couple of films I’ve seen recently where it seemed like everyone else was eating popcorn (or sweets, or both) from rustling paper bags throughout the film, and/or then sodding off out to the toilet and whatever else.
As has been noted before, I really don’t understand people. I don’t get why someone would pay to see a film, spend even more on food and drink, then either not be able to sit through the film without breaks, or without checking their phones. If you’re going to do all that, why not wait til it comes out on disc/download/TV and watch at home, where you can pause, rewind etc., and not worry about missing bits while you go to drain your microscopic bladder?
Mind you, I also don’t understand why cinemas insist on putting all their food/refreshments in noisy paper bags. Surely there must be another option by now? A fabric version or similar? Or larger bags/tubs that allow hands in and out without touching the sides?
Birthday Weekend – Aliens
Posted: Fri 11 November, 2016 Filed under: 2016/17, Cinema, Do More, Domestic, Films, Five Year Plan (now Ten), London, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »For the birthday weekend, once I’d done Le Manoir on Saturday, and Dinner for lunch on Sunday, it was time to make my way down to the Royal Albert Hall, which was showing Aliens on a big screen, accompanied by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra performing the soundtrack.
Aliens is one of my favourite films, and one I’ve seen far more times than I’d care to admit – both the original release and the Director’s Cut / Special Edition. But I hadn’t seen it on a big screen for a proper cinema-style presentation, and definitely never with a live soundtrack!
And it was great. I’d wondered how they’d do soundtrack/music from the orchestra while keeping the dialogue and other sound-effects, and there’s obviously been a fair amount of work involved in doing this. I assume that the music soundtrack is on a different channel (or whatever) from the other bits of audio, so it’s more a case of ‘not playing’ one track, but I don’t know.
Regardless, hearing the music live enabled me to notice bits I hadn’t appreciated before – subtle in the recorded version, obvious live – such as the drum roll that’s used for all the more militaristic scenes, and other small thematic pieces along the way.
I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing – well, except for the seats, which were some of the most uncomfortable in Christendom – and now really want to see other films show in the same way. It’s bloody brilliant.
Swiss Army Man
Posted: Thu 6 October, 2016 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Films, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Last night, I went to see Swiss Army Man – and it’s definitely the strangest film I’ve seen in a long time. I’m glad I got to see it, though.
The first five minutes tells you pretty much everything you need to know – Hank (Paul Dano) is a man alone on a deserted island, trying to commit suicide, and a corpse (Manny, played by Daniel Radcliffe) washes up on the beach. The corpse is loudly deflating, which disturbs his final moments, until he realises that he can use this farting corpse as an escape from the island, and rides him like a jet-ski out to sea.
And that’s just the start.
It’s worth pointing out that if you’re easily offended, just don’t even contemplate seeing this film.
But it’s not just gross-out fart jokes and weird stuff with a corpse. That would be too simple. There’s a *lot* more to this film. It’s strangely emotional, and says quite a bit about modern manners and squeamishness as well as about solitude, loneliness, and how people are.
In truth, I came out wondering what the hell I’d just seen – but also glad I’d seen it. Even having seen as many films as I have, I really have no valid reference points for describing what it’s like. And that’s an even harder task when also not giving anything away about the film.
I liked it, but I didn’t. I could see it again, and I’d come out just as confused as I currently am about it. There’s a lot of good stuff, and certain images will definitely last longer than they perhaps should.
I think it’s too much to call it ‘thought-provoking’, but it’s also not dumb, and there is stuff that keeps echoing back afterwards.
In short, I just don’t know about this film. I’m hard-pressed to recommend it, because it’s just *so* odd. But it’s also not bad, and if it weren’t so odd I’d say yes, go and see it.
A very Marmite “love it or hate it” film, I think.
Ridiculously Organised
Posted: Fri 19 February, 2016 Filed under: Cinema, Day Trips, Domestic, Films, Geeky, Getting Organised, London, Thoughts, Travel Leave a comment »So far, this year has been pretty non-stop with travel, visits, concerts and idiot day-trips (mainly to see concerts) and I’ve kept on saying that I must calm things down a bit, build in some time for myself and so on.
And I’m trying to, I really am.
But then cool stuff comes up that I want to go to – which means I now have plans all the way through this year. Not every weekend, or anything similar – but there’s already stuff planned right the way through to December.
The latest one, last night, was finding out that the Royal Albert Hall is doing a showing of Aliens – with the soundtrack performed by a full orchestra, as a celebration of the 30th anniversary of its release. Even more fortuitously, it’s on the weekend of my birthday. Oh, I am so there.
And so yes, tickets are booked for it. I’d already got stuff booked in for December as well, so as it turns out, November was the only month this year without something already booked in.
Now my main challenge will be to not book up the rest of the year, and suddenly realise I’ve had ridiculously few ‘downtime’ weekends. Again.
CGI
Posted: Mon 10 March, 2014 Filed under: Cinema, Films, Photography, Seeing Films, Technology, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over on Twitter this morning, I saw this image, a behind-the-scenes photo from Pirates of the Caribbean, showing the actors in their motion-capture suits, that allows CGI stuff to be added afterwards and move the same way the actor does.
Now what interested me the most was that the entire outfit – clothing etc. – was also all applied in CGI. And that had never actually occurred to me. I got that the various faces/tentacles/prosthetics were applied by CGI, but for some reason I’d never clicked that the clothing was all computer-generated as well.
Ain’t progress grand?
Giving The Game Away
Posted: Mon 3 March, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Cinema, Domestic, Films, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Yesterday, for want of anything better to do, I went to see Ride Along at the cinema. I expected it to be bad – but screw it, it was free (although if it hadn’t been, I’d have been wanting my money back. Hell, I considered asking for a refund anyway)
It’s definitely an early contender (in my opinion) for the Worst Film of the Year (Mainstream / ‘Comedy’) category, but (as said) I pretty much expected that. Hated it. Although others in the audience at least laughed, so I guess that’s something.
What did surprise me though was how many of the key ‘jokes’ and scenes had been given away in the trailer – but also how many people still laughed at them.
It made me wonder if they’d actually seen the trailer before going to see the film, and if so, had forgotten them in the intervening time.
All very strange.
It’s a Pie
Posted: Tue 18 February, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Bad Ads, Cinema, Cynicism, Marketing, Media, Pedantry, Writing Leave a comment »Another in the occasional series of “adverts that annoy me” – this one is one of the ones from Santander (which I still think are creepy, as I have said before)
Why does it annoy me? Again, because of one line.
At the start, we can see that the guy is making a pie, and putting a pastry lattice over the top. Yet the woman says
“I really like what you’re doing with that cake”
It’s a fucking pie, you idiot.
Bad Writing
Posted: Sun 16 February, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Cinema, Films, Pedantry, Writing Leave a comment »Recently my visits to the local cinema have included the trailer below, for a new film called “Winter’s Tale”
Within that trailer is the line
I’ve had no memory for as long as I can remember
which just drives me crackers. Seriously, people get paid for writing piss like that?
I mean, if you’ve no memory then of course it’s for as long as you can remember. Because you’ve got no fucking memory, you insufferable ballbag!
And breathe…
Bladder Control
Posted: Thu 9 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I was at the cinema – of which more tomorrow – but I was reminded of something else that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. And that’s this – why are so many people incapable of controlling themselves and sitting still for a couple of hours?
OK, in this case it was a viewing specifically for Unlimited Card holders at the local Cineworld. This meant that the viewing was free, and so perhaps there’s not that same “perception of value”. I don’t know. Mind you, this is something that’s been bugging me for a while, and not just at Cineworlds, so I assume that it also happens even when everyone’s paid to see the damn film.
I wasn’t actually counting, but in that two-and-a-quarter hour film, there must’ve been a good thirty people who went out and then came back in. I assume a fair number of those were toilet breaks – potentially a couple got calls, or had messages they needed to reply to, I suppose. (I’m in a semi-charitable mood today) And I’m also open to believe that a couple might’ve had medical conditions that meant they had less control over their bladders.
But really – how has this become a thing? If you can’t sit and watch a film without taking a break, or needing a piss, then surely there’s something wrong? Even if you’ve consumed that whole bucket of Coke you purchased, surely you can still contain yourself for a couple of hours?
Captive Audience – Anti-Piracy Ads (Updated)
Posted: Sat 4 January, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Cinema, Customer Services, Cynicism, Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Back in October 2012 – fucking hell, is it really over a year since I wrote it? – I wrote about cinema adverts for anti-piracy, which really annoyed me. Basically, the ads are aimed at stopping film/video piracy, but were only being seen by people who’d already paid for a ticket, and were thus – um – unlikely to be pirates in the first place.
The even greater irony being that, of course, pirated films don’t have the anti-piracy adverts on them. (Which I can only see as a plus point for pirated films, to be fair)
Anyway, it occurred to me this week that actually, I haven’t seen one of those adverts in a few months – which is no bad thing.
Maybe all the complaints I made to Cineworld about them have paid off. And if that’s the case, maybe it’s time I start complaining about the bloody awful ones for EE, starring Kevin Bacon. After all, all they do is add EE to the list of people I will never, ever give my money to.
My Films of 2013
Posted: Wed 1 January, 2014 Filed under: Cinema, Films, Geeky, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts, Words, Writing Leave a comment »Yesterday, Karen made a comment on a previous post, and asked for my top five films from 2013. And I thought “Well, why not?”. Although be warned, my taste in films is rotten.
5. Gravity – Probably the smartest sci-fi film (albeit with some bugs still, mainly around orbital mechanics – and the fact Sandra Bullock doesn’t bloody die) of the year, Gravity is short and powerful. Worth seeing in 3D (which is saying something – I’m no 3D fan at all) although I can well imagine it could kick off a dollop of illness in those prone to motion sickness. But that disorientation is almost key to the film, it manages to convey some of how it must feel to be weightless and with no idea what your orientation is.
It also gets a lot of the tech stuff right (although a fair amount wrong, as well) as well as keeping the story tight. I was in two minds about seeing it, if I’m honest (not being a massive fan of Sandra Bullock at the best of times) but I’d say it’s probably the best thing she’s done – in my opinion, anyway.
4. Elysium – Another smart sci-fi, with a dark ‘them and us’ premise that seems to be becoming all the more feasible. Hell, even Jodie Foster was good in it – which is a real revelation, as usual I can’t abide her in films.
The basic premise – that as the majority of the world’s population get poorer, the rich opt to take off to a space environment/station, where they carry on their lives, with the best of technology, medical care etc., effectively leaving the poor to their own devices – is pretty dark, but also (I found) very believable, even though you know the required leaps in technology would be huge. I’m a fan of the director’s previous stuff (particularly District 9, another near-ish-future scifi) and also looking forward to his next film.
3. Iron Man 3 – Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, written and directed by Shane Black? I’m *so* there. IM3 lived up to its premise, far more than 2 did. Indeed it pretty much ignores 2 for the heap of crap it was. Smart snappy dialogue, some great action scenes, a glorious twist (that again seems ever more feasible in reality) and Robert Downey Jr just being himself. You can usually tell when people had fun making the film, and that comes across in this one.
And yes, I’ve even ended up watching it again on TV over the Festering Season. And it’s still fun, even when you know all of how it works out. Besides, just how damn good an actor is Guy Pearce?
2. Pacific Rim – I never expected anything more from Pacific Rim than what was in the trailers – big robots fight big monsters. If you expected more than that, you were – at best – frighteningly optimistic. But going in with no expectations more than that, I loved this film. Yes, it has some epic bugs and plot holes – the biggest being “if they’re clones, how can one be pregnant, FFS” – which rankle more on repeated viewing. (And yes, I’ve seen it rather more than once!) But still, epic effects, an absolutely cracking soundtrack – which I also bought – and it’s just ridiculous, fun, and probably the most entertaining film (for me) of the year. So why isn’t it at number one?
1. Mud – And the answer to that is ‘because Mud is’. I don’t know why this appealed to me as much as it did, but it’s probably the film that stuck with me the most through 2013. Matthew McConaughey has really grown on me as an actor since he’s stopped doing all the rom-com shit, and he’s really pretty versatile. This one’s more ‘American Mythology’ than anything else, I suppose – matched up with a doomed love story, coming-of-age stuff, and a whole lot more. For whatever reason, I just really liked this one.
And just for fun (and I won’t even credit them with links!), my five worst films have been…
5. White House Down – I was aiming for brainless entertainment. I got brainless.
4. I Give It A Year – I have no idea why I even went to see this. Romcom tat that was about as funny as infected piles.
3. The Counselor – Great expectations from a great trailer, but the film just wasn’t what had been expected. Beautifully shot, and some great set-pieces, but all told a real disappointment of a film.
2. Ender’s Game – One of the few this year that left a really bad taste in the mouth – the whole child-soldier thing, with some very dark morality (and no, I hadn’t read the book, so didn’t know what to expect) and again that feeling that somehow it’s not a concept that America would have any great issues with in the future. All-told, really quite unpleasant.
1. Only God Forgives – In a similar vein to Counselor, a film that didn’t live up to it’s trailer, and turned out in truth to be a very different film from that portrayed. Very arty, beautiful, but utterly up itself. Probably a good film when you’re in the mood for an art-house essay about violence, vengeance and [whatever else] but I wasn’t, so I really didn’t like it.
But bear in mind, there’s a lot of others just outside that list – including Last Stand, Man of Steel, Pain and Gain, and The Paperboy…
Cinematics Followup
Posted: Tue 31 December, 2013 Filed under: Business, Cinema, Customer Services, Domestic, Marketing, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s post about this year’s Cinema viewings, a couple of things were explained to me outside of D4D™ about how Cineworld make their money on Unlimited Tickets.
The main profit-engine – and one I’d never even thought about – is based on attendance. As I understand it, Cineworld pay [whichever movie distributor] based on a percentage of gross ticket sales per week. However, Unlimited card-holders mean there are bums-on-seats that never show up as ticket sales. That £16 per month is pure gravy for Cineworld, and significantly reduces the amount they have to pay to movie distributors.
Apparently, a Cineworld cinema only needs to have 1,000 Unlimited card-holders to break even for the year. It’s that cost-effective.
Then there’s the secondary profit-engines…
- They get customer data – linked to specific customers – of viewing preferences, linked sales, attendance etc. That’s useful for many many reasons
- The extras (as I’d always suspected) – even with the discount from the ticket, you’re still paying much more than you would anywhere else for drinks etc.
There’s probably others as well, but they’re the main ones. It gives an interesting perspective on business etc.
Cinematics 2013
Posted: Mon 30 December, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Finances, Seeing Films, Thoughts 2 Comments »This time last year, I wrote about the number of films I’d seen in 2012, thanks to that Cineworld Unlimited ticket.
Last year, in six months I saw 26 films.
This year, I ended up seeing 65 films – and all for the princely sum (over the year) of £192. Cineworld raised the price of the card to £16 per month – from £15 – but that still means that seeing more than one film a month means the card pays for itself. And that doesn’t include the extra discounts (now 25%) on any food/drink I happen to buy at the cinema. (not that I bother in general, but still, it’s the spirit of the thing) That’s a pretty sweet deal for someone as geeky as me.
When you work it out per film, that means I paid £2.95 per film. That’s ridiculous. Hell, I don’t even pay for parking at the Milton Keynes Xscape one – if you go during the day and pay for parking, you tear off one part of the ticket, and they refund that too.
I really don’t understand how Cineworld makes money off these tickets – except, I suppose, that it’s guaranteed income for the year. One assumes that they hope that the majority of card holders come and also pay for food/drink/popcorn (sorry, but popcorn just isn’t food) which boosts it up. It’s either that, or they hope it’s like gym membership, and people sign up for the year, then don’t come as often as they expect/plan to.
Reduced Interest
Posted: Fri 13 December, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »I don’t quite know why it is, but this last couple of weeks have had a severe reduction in the number of films I can be bothered to see.
Indeed, I haven’t even been to the cinema in three weeks – which is noteworthy this year. That Cineworld Unlimited card has certainly been worth the money – I reckon it’s saved me at least three hundred quid this year. (I’ll do the final figures at year-end, but that’s a conservative estimate)
And yet this last two or three weeks, there’s just been nothing that I’ve thought “Oh yeah, I fancy seeing that” – and bear in mind that on this one, my quality-control can be remarkably low.
I’m taking my dad to see the new Hobbit one this coming weekend, which’ll be good. But even then, that’s the only one coming out this week that I’ve wanted to see.
Hopefully things will improve again – although I’m guessing that’s not likely to be before the Festering Season at this rate. As in Summer, the next couple of weeks appear to be primarily loaded with child-friendly fodder for while they’re off-school, and the usual inane set of ballbag romcoms and guff. Always a joy.
Automated Projection
Posted: Mon 28 October, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Customer Services, Domestic, Media, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Until recently, it had never occurred to me that most multiplex cinemas have now automated their film projection rooms. I still envisioned it as either being one-projectionist-per-screen, or (at worst) one-projectionist-per-[x]-screens. The only reassuring fact from this is that I’m obviously not the only one to have not realised. (As opposed to being (apparently) the only one to never click that James the Red Engine was ‘reddy for anything’)
But no, it turns out you’re very lucky if there’s a projectionist at all. It’s all programmed, automated, and generally human-free. They have been for (at least) five or six years now, apparently.
I don’t know why it hadn’t clicked for me, because looking back it makes total sense. If you’ve got a 16-screen cinema that is (apparently) only staffed by four spotty teenagers and a manager or two, why on earth would you expect it to then have 16 projectionists? (Or even 2, one per eight screens)
What this does mean though, is that if there’s a fault in the showing, no-one knows about it unless you go out and tell someone. There’s no-one in the room at the back, checking the quality. It’s all done automagically.
I’ve been in a couple now where the projection/showing has gone a bit tits-up – one with no sound, one where everything had a weird pink overlay to it. Both times the rest of the audience has sat there bitching, but still done nothing else, assuming (I assume) that the projectionist would “just fix it”. I just go out and let a member of staff know it’s kippered, which gets things fixed.
I wonder if the cinemas should actually do more to let people know about those changes though?
Power Play
Posted: Sun 23 June, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Sat in the cinema, waiting for the film to start, another couple come in. They start to discuss where to sit. She wants to be near the front. He – it’s safe to say – doesn’t.
Her : “I want to sit here, it’ll be fine”
Him : “let’s go to the back. There’ll be less people” (wrong, but hey ho)
Her : “I want to sit here”
Him : “fine babe, you pick where you want to sit”
She does.
Him : “well I’m not sitting there” and walks off, expecting her to follow.
She doesn’t.
Five minutes later, he comes back, and sits next to her.
Funny as hell, to the observer. 🙂
Sweary Hypocrisy
Posted: Sun 14 April, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »I’ve found a new source of amusement – the “Parental Guides” for films on IMDB.
A perfect example is here, for the new Tom Cruise film “Oblivion”
Why is it so amusing? For wondrous things like this…
bitch used 2 times bastard 1 time ass 4 times shit 6 times 1 use of fuck. Son-of-a-b***h is used once.
It’s the hypocrisy of it all – coupled with the tweeness. In the example above, it’s OK to write bitch, bastard and fuck, but son-of-a-bitch gets asterisked out? Fuck me.
Cinematics
Posted: Sun 30 December, 2012 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Finances, Seeing Films Leave a comment »Looking back at the list I’ve kept it looks like I’ve seen 26 films this year, since May. Yeah, yeah, I kept a list – mainly because I wanted to make sure I was getting value for money from the Cineworld Unlimited ticket, but also because well, I’m a geek.
There’s probably a couple I saw pre-May, but all the same, 26 isn’t bad going. It’s been eight months since I joined Cineworld, at £15 a month, adding up to £120. 26 films would’ve cost me in the region of £260, which makes it pretty worthwhile.
In the course of 2012, I even had a couple of months where I didn’t go to see films – primarily July / August, when it was all really dire shite (in my opinion) with nothing I really fancied. So that total probably means that I really should get out more, just not to the cinema.
I won’t bore anyone with the list of films – I know I’ve got dire taste in films, but I like escapism.
2013’s going to be a year for more of the same, I’m sure. The ticket is worthwhile – it would’ve taken only 12 films to pay for itself, and I doubled that – so it makes sense to keep on with it. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Life of Pi
Posted: Tue 11 December, 2012 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Reviews(ish) | Tags: #lifeofpi 2 Comments »Last night, I went to see the new film of Life of Pi. I’ve not read the book – when it comes to films, sometimes I find it’s better to not be locked on ‘it’s not the same as the book’ – so I went with an open mind to see what it was like.
All told, it’s an impressive film – and for the first time, one where I would actually suggest seeing the 3D version, as that added a visual layer which I imagine the 2D version lacks. Certain shots – of Pi watching the ship sink, for example – had an real ‘depth’ to them.
Visually it’s beautiful. There are some stunning scenes, and the vision of the film is exceptional.
Technically, it’s stunning – the CGI for the animals is some of the best I’ve seen, and you do believe that the tiger is there in the boat.
But – ah, there’s always a but. For a film so much about belief, miracle, and wonder, it feels (or felt, to me) soul-less. I’ve had this issue with Ang Lee‘s films before – they’re beautiful, excellent films. It’s just that they have no heart, no passion. Other people’s perspectives vary, obviously, but for me, I just come out feeling somewhat dissatisfied.
All told, it’s worth seeing, and it’s a good film. It’s just not a great film. (Again, in my view)
But I will have to go and read the book now, and see if that adds more to the film…
Sightseers
Posted: Sun 2 December, 2012 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Reviews(ish) Leave a comment »Over this weekend, I went to see Sightseers, a new British film. It is very dark, basically about two dysfunctional people who form a relationship, and go away on a week’s caravan trip. Strange – and very British – tourist places merge with a tale of murder, serial killing, and general black humour.
An example line “He wasn’t human, he was a Daily Mail reader”.
I really enjoyed it – it’s not your run of the mill Hollywood offering, which is always a good thing – but I suspect it’s probably an acquired taste. If you like oddball British films, it’ll be right up your street.
Product Placement
Posted: Mon 29 October, 2012 Filed under: Advertising, Cinema, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over the weekend, I went to see the new Bond film, Skyfall. There’s been a lot of kerfuffle about the product placement in the film, Bond drinks Heineken, etc. etc. – so among other things I wanted to see if it actually made one jot of difference to the film.
And of course it doesn’t. The Heineken bottle, for example, is only visible for about ten seconds – and even then you don’t get to see the brand name. Sure, you can recognise the label, but the actual brand isn’t there. Which I thought was interesting.
There’s actually a lot of product placement – but I don’t get the current kerfuffle about it, to be honest. Bond films have *always* been a bonanza of product placement. Why scream about the product placement of a bottle of beer, in comparison to – for example – Aston Martin’s deal? Oh no, sorry, that’s ‘classic’, so somehow it doesn’t count. Bond is a label queen, always has been, always will be.
Take a second, think of all the names/brands that you mentally link to Bond…
- Aston Martin
- Lotus
- Walther PPK
- Martini (I know it’s the name of the cocktail, but all the same)
- Bollinger champagne
And that’s just ten seconds thought.
To me it’s interesting, seeing the things that people *perceive* as product placement, versus what’s there as either ‘classic’ stuff, or simply not realised.
In Skyfall, sure, the Sony Vaio brand is all over the place, and not particularly subtle. But there’s all the old favourites too. Audi cars are used in most scenes, and there’s a couple of references to VW Beetles which I’m quite certain aren’t coincidental.
Personally, I find product placement to be less intrusive than normal advertising. Well, at least when it’s done properly – I can think of a few really bad examples of super-obvious tie-ins that were just painful (I, Robot’s obsession with Converse and Audi, for example, and the Cisco overdose on Transformers films) – but for the most part it’s something my brain can gloss over.
Indeed – and again, from a personal perspective – I found that the pre-film adverts, also 90% Bond-related were far more intrusive, and led me to the point of being pissed off with Bond before the film had even started.
Product-placement and tie-ins I can live with. Related advertising is far worse.
Advertising Irritation
Posted: Wed 10 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cinema, Cynicism, Thoughts Leave a comment »A few days back, I whiffed on about awful adverts in the cinema, ones that have a different effect on people than was perhaps expected
This piece of crap – for Coke Zero, as part of the Skyfall marketing behemoth – is a perfect example.
You can just tell that the ad agency- and probably the client- thought it conveyed a sense of humour, something new and fun to be talked about. But in the cinema, it gets no reaction, no laughter, nothing. (Although there is the occasional “Fuck sake”, or similar)
Captive Audience – Part Two
Posted: Sat 6 October, 2012 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cinema, Cynicism, Domestic, Legal, Thoughts Leave a comment »While at the cinema, there’s one other piece of ‘advertising’ (Well, I suppose it comes termed as adverts, but really “lectures” is a better term) that annoys me excessively.
Those adverts/lectures are the anti-piracy lectures, and the one that really fucking grates is this one…
Now bear in mind, this is being shown at the cinema. Everyone who is watching this advert has paid to see the bastard film – we’re not the ones that need to be preached to about not pirating films.
For these pieces of shit, we – the cinema-going audience – are a captive audience. We can’t fast-forward, we can’t go and get a cup of tea, we pretty much have to watch the fucking thing. And it’s preaching to the people who are (I suspect) the least likely group to be pirating films.
Even worse, the adverts are actually counter-productive. Because let’s face it, pirate copies don’t have these bloody anti-piracy adverts on them. And that, to me, is a point in favour of pirated films.
Captive Audience – Part One
Posted: Fri 5 October, 2012 Filed under: Advertising, Cinema, Creativity, Domestic, Thoughts Leave a comment »Over the last few months, I’ve been going to the cinema more – the Cineworld Unlimited ticket has it’s uses, and what the hell, I like films. For £15 a month, I’m seeing as many films as I want, and that’s fine. More than one a month, and it’s paying for itself.
The downside of it, though, is the bloody adverts. I don’t know why or how, but cinema advertising is incredibly bad. Trailers are OK (although it all gets a bit samey after a while) but the adverts themselves are just bad.
And it’s interesting too, to see how the audience react to those adverts. I know that agencies do test viewings and so on to gauge reaction, but they really should try going to the cinema and seeing – and to some degree hearing – the reaction there.
Orange currently are one of the biggest culprits. They seem to do one ad per season – Summer’s one was based round the Expendables 2 film, and Autumn’s one is based around The Sweeney. They’re meant to be funny (I think) but they get so dull with repetition, and the Autumn one isn’t getting any reaction at all. (Understandable really, because it’s a) weird and b) shit )
Overall, I think the worst times are where ads try to be funny, and the audience stay stony-faced, not a noise from them. It’s just cringe-worthy.
I don’t know what can be done to fix it – other than lots of viewer research and surveys, and ideally a shitload more creativity – but it’s still interesting about the reactions, or lack thereof.