D4D

Come near me with that umbrella again and I"ll shove it up your arse

Archive for the category “Cinema”

Ridiculously Organised

So far, this year has been pretty non-stop with travel, visits, concerts and idiot day-trips (mainly to see concerts) and I’ve kept on saying that I must calm things down a bit, build in some time for myself and so on.

And I’m trying to, I really am.

But then cool stuff comes up that I want to go to – which means I now have plans all the way through this year. Not every weekend, or anything similar – but there’s already stuff planned right the way through to December.

The latest one, last night, was finding out that the Royal Albert Hall is doing a showing of Aliens – with the soundtrack performed by a full orchestra, as a celebration of the 30th anniversary of its release.  Even more fortuitously, it’s on the weekend of my birthday. Oh, I am so there.

And so yes, tickets are booked for it. I’d already got stuff booked in for December as well, so as it turns out, November was the only month this year without something already booked in.

Now my main challenge will be to not book up the rest of the year, and suddenly realise I’ve had ridiculously few ‘downtime’ weekends. Again.

CGI

Over on Twitter this morning, I saw this image, a behind-the-scenes photo from Pirates of the Caribbean, showing the actors in their motion-capture suits, that allows CGI stuff to be added afterwards and move the same way the actor does.

Pirates of the CaribbeanNow what interested me the most was that the entire outfit – clothing etc. – was also all applied in CGI. And that had never actually occurred to me. I got that the various faces/tentacles/prosthetics were applied by CGI, but for some reason I’d never clicked that the clothing was all computer-generated as well.

Ain’t progress grand?

Giving The Game Away

Yesterday, for want of anything better to do, I went to see Ride Along at the cinema. I expected it to be bad – but screw it, it was free (although if it hadn’t been, I’d have been wanting my money back. Hell, I considered asking for a refund anyway)

It’s definitely an early contender (in my opinion) for the Worst Film of the Year (Mainstream / ‘Comedy’) category, but (as said) I pretty much expected that. Hated it. Although others in the audience at least laughed, so I guess that’s something.

What did surprise me though was how many of the key ‘jokes’ and scenes had been given away in the trailer – but also how many people still laughed at them.

It made me wonder if they’d actually seen the trailer before going to see the film, and if so, had forgotten them in the intervening time.

All very strange.

It’s a Pie

Another in the occasional series of “adverts that annoy me” – this one is one of the ones from Santander (which I still think are creepy, as I have said before)

Why does it annoy me? Again, because of one line.

At the start, we can see that the guy is making a pie, and putting a pastry lattice over the top. Yet the woman says

“I really like what you’re doing with that cake”

It’s a fucking pie, you idiot.

Bad Writing

Recently my visits to the local cinema have included the trailer below, for a new film called “Winter’s Tale

Within that trailer is the line

I’ve had no memory for as long as I can remember

which just drives me crackers. Seriously, people get paid for writing piss like that?

I mean, if you’ve no memory then of course it’s for as long as you can remember. Because you’ve got no fucking memory, you insufferable ballbag!

And breathe…

Bladder Control

Last night I was at the cinema – of which more tomorrow – but I was reminded of something else that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. And that’s this – why are so many people incapable of controlling themselves and sitting still for a couple of hours?

OK, in this case it was a viewing specifically for Unlimited Card holders at the local Cineworld. This meant that the viewing was free, and so perhaps there’s not that same “perception of value”. I don’t know.  Mind you, this is something that’s been bugging me for a while, and not just at Cineworlds, so I assume that it also happens even when everyone’s paid to see the damn film.

I wasn’t actually counting, but in that two-and-a-quarter hour film, there must’ve been a good thirty people who went out and then came back in. I assume a fair number of those were toilet breaks – potentially a couple got calls, or had messages they needed to reply to, I suppose. (I’m in a semi-charitable mood today) And I’m also open to believe that a couple might’ve had medical conditions that meant they had less control over their bladders.

But really – how has this become a thing? If you can’t sit and watch a film without taking a break, or needing a piss, then surely there’s something wrong? Even if you’ve consumed that whole bucket of Coke you purchased, surely you can still contain yourself for a couple of hours?

Captive Audience – Anti-Piracy Ads (Updated)

Back in October 2012 – fucking hell, is it really over a year since I wrote it? – I wrote about cinema adverts for anti-piracy, which really annoyed me. Basically, the ads are aimed at stopping film/video piracy, but were only being seen by people who’d already paid for a ticket, and were thus – um – unlikely to be pirates in the first place.

The even greater irony being that, of course, pirated films don’t have the anti-piracy adverts on them. (Which I can only see as a plus point for pirated films, to be fair)

Anyway, it occurred to me this week that actually, I haven’t seen one of those adverts in a few months – which is no bad thing.

Maybe all the complaints I made to Cineworld about them have paid off.  And if that’s the case, maybe it’s time I start complaining about the bloody awful ones for EE, starring Kevin Bacon. After all, all they do is add EE to the list of people I will never, ever give my money to.

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