The Devil in the Details – Lloyds
Posted: Fri 23 May, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Cynicism, Finances, Marketing, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s post about Nissan’s dodgy advertising, maths and small-print, the other ad currently incurring my ire is from Lloyds Bank, advertising their new “Club Lloyds” current account.
Now, while I think that clubbing Lloyds would be a fantastic idea, that isn’t the thing with this new account. Here’s the ad…
And again, here’s that small-print, while they’re bleating on about how great it is to have an account paying 4% interest…
Pay two separate monthly Direct Debits to earn variable tiered monthly interest. 4.0% AER (3.93% Gross) on balances between £4,000 and £5,000. Lower rates apply for lower tiers
So yep – that 4% interest ONLY applies if you keep more than £4,000 in your current account – but below £5,000. And if we look at that Club Lloyds webpage, what do we find? (I’m going to paraphrase, but you can look for yourself)
- Balances from £1 – £1,999.99 – 1% interest
- £2,000 to £3,999.99 – 2% interest
- £4,000 to £5,000 – 4% interest (and note how that band is half the size of the other two)
And right at the bottom of the explanation?
We don’t pay interest on amounts over £5,000.
Yep – no interest at all if you’ve got over the £5,000 in there.
Fuck you, Lloyds.
The Devil in the Details – Nissan
Posted: Thu 22 May, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Corbett, Cynicism, Driving, Green, Marketing, People, Thoughts Leave a comment »As regular readers will know, I have a really bad habit of reading the small print. (I say ‘really bad’ although it’s not – anyone who doesn’t deserves everything they get. It’s just ‘really bad’ from the advertiser’s perspective) There’s two ads doing the rounds at the moment that annoy me, so you know what? You get two posts out of it. Lucky you.
The first (which arrived in my inbox just now, and motivated me to write it) was for a leasing arrangement on a new car – a Nissan Leaf, if anyone cares.
The deal offered is this :
The 100% electric New Nissan LEAF Visia Flex FROM ONLY £199 A MONTH*
WITH A £3,250 ADVANCE RENTAL CONTRIBUTION
OK, so they mention that “Advance Rental Contribution” (which is a deposit, surely?) right at the start, and already it’s skewing the figures. But then we get to the bottom, and the small print…
Finance is available subject to status on eligible new vehicles registered between 01/04/14 and 30/06/14 in the UK to persons aged 18 or over. Rental stated is for Nissan lease. Advance rental of £5,750 (includes £3,250 Advance Rental Contribution) followed by 48 monthly rentals of £199 a month and final rental of £6,201.
Hang on – £5,750 upfront? That’s another £2,500, on top of the “Advance Rental Contribution” – where has it come from, and what’s it for? Even if you take out the first month’s £199, that’s still £2,300 unexplained. Fucking hell.
All told – with all those amounts listed, that comes to £21,503. For a poxy Nissan Leaf.
But then it gets better… (Sorry, “better”)
Once you have paid the final rental you can keep using the car by paying an annual rental of £50 + VAT; if you choose Nissan lease then you will never own the car.
As well as entering in to a lease agreement for the vehicle, you will need to enter in to a separate lease agreement for the battery. Monthly price shown includes the on-going monthly battery lease charge of £70.
Now they’re just taking the piss, surely ? So even when you’ve stumped up your £21,503 – sorry, £21,563 including that little final ‘annual rental’ charge, then you will *still* be paying £70 a month for the fucking batteries?
Up yours, Nissan.
Poly / Mono / A
Posted: Sun 11 May, 2014 Filed under: Domestic, Introspective, People, Personality, Thoughts Leave a comment »In many ways, I try to be as open-minded and non-judgemental as possible. That doesn’t apply in certain sectors – BMW drivers, idiocy, and bigots in general – but for the most part I accept peoples lives as their own, and I’m happy with that.
For whatever reason, I’ve also ended up with a number of friends in polyamorous relationships – all of whom I’m ridiculously proud of for a range of reasons.
It does all make me think though. I know that polyamory isn’t for me – I wouldn’t rule out being with someone who was in a poly relationship with someone else, but I also know that multiple partners isn’t something that would work for me. However, a lot of the time I’m pretty sure that monogamy isn’t really for me either.
I can quite happily live with being single, with not being in a relationship at all. I’m good with my own time and space, with my own life.
Does that make me selfish? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not about not sharing or anything, or most of the usual selfish motivators – I’m just comfortable and content on my own.
And if there’s polyamory and monogamy then surely there’s also a term for someone who’s really not bothered by relationships. It’s not asexual per se, but perhaps agamy – although that sounds weird in a different way.
Regardless, if there’s any term that’ll fit me, I suspect it’s just that – agamous.
Parking Mad
Posted: Thu 24 April, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Customer Services, Cynicism, Driving, Parking, People, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »At the moment, the BBC has a documentary series on about Traffic Wardens (Parking Agents, Collection Agents, whatever else you want to call them) called “Parking Mad” and it’s been pretty interesting.
What I find most interesting is the people who don’t pay their parking fines, then get all snotty and sweary about it when the costs for it go up and up.
No matter how paranoid you are, I think the great majority of parking wardens just give tickets to people who’ve overstayed their tickets, not bothered, or are parking like cunts in the first place. I’ve spoken to a fair few over the years (I’m a twat for talking to just about anyone) and haven’t ever really come across a bad one. I’m sure they exist, don’t get me wrong – I just don’t believe every one is a bastard, or hates every other driver.
So if you’ve got a ticket- and again I emphasise that this is In My Experience Only – the odds are that you’ve fucked up and done something wrong. The ticket is going to cost you £30 to pay in the next 28 days, or £60 after that (and with extra costs the more they have to do to recover it) – so just sodding pay it. It’s a fee for fucking up.
I think I’ve now had four parking tickets. Two in Cambridge (where I’d be the first to admit that I pushed my luck anyway, and/or forgot to renew the ticket at the end of its duration) and two in London when I was commuting, and had a brain-fart about paying the ticket. The London ones were a pain, because you couldn’t buy the ticket before 9am- not from the machine, not online. I *know* it was a plan to get more people to forget to pay it, and thus do the tickets. But in six months, I forgot a grand total of twice.
I just don’t get the point of not paying a ticket – you know you’re going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it paid while it’s cheap. Even if I were going to protest it, I’d pay while lodging the appeal. (Unless it’s better to not do so – I don’t know, never had to do it)
The programme seems to specialise in these ball-bags who park like twats, make a mistake, and then blame everyone but themselves. Of course, they don’t pay, and then bitch even more when the bailiffs come round (or stop them in the road) and charge £500 for what could’ve been dealt with for £30.
I’ve said many times that there’s whole heaps of stuff about people that I simply don’t get. Parking tickets are just one more facet of that lack of knowledge/understanding.
Squish
Posted: Fri 11 April, 2014 Filed under: A428, Animals, Commuting, Domestic, Driving, People, Thoughts 3 Comments »Maybe I’m more aware of it this week, with Death of the Mau, but on my drive to and from work I’ve noticed a lot more dead animals by the roadside this week.
Uncommonly, the great majority seem to be badgers (of varying sizes and ages) which I always find very sad. At least these are on dual-carriageways, rather than the completely-intact bodies I sometimes see on the edge of other roads. (I’m never quite convinced that these aren’t actually from farmers/people gassing them, and using the roads as a convenient excuse/reason for dead badger, and disposal thereof. But I’m horrifically cynical)
In my opinion it’s always sad to see dead badgers – they’re awesome creatures – but particularly seeing younger ones depresses me.
I suppose it’s that time though, with semi-mature ones making way for new litters and exploring the world, and also post-winter-sleep. (I know they don’t ‘hibernate’ as such, but they certainly appear to slow down significantly over winter) All the same, you’d hope that a driver would notice a bloody big black-and-white creature lumbering across a dual-carriageway. (I know they don’t, because they have issues noticing other cars, let alone animals. But still, we can hope)
The Imposter
Posted: Mon 7 April, 2014 Filed under: Films, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Weirdness Leave a comment »Over the weekend, I finally watched The Imposter, a documentary about a man who impersonated Nicholas Barclay, an American teen who had disappeared four years previously.
It’s a fascinating – and very creepy – film, which would be dismissed as unrealistic and impossible if it were a fiction story/film.
The Imposter himself, Frédéric Bourdin is a very strange character, and (in my unprofessional opinion) probably about as much of a pure-bred psychopath as it’s possible to be. The family of Nicholas Barclay are also extremely strange – and yes, I know, editing etc. – and make you wonder just why a family would accept in a stranger that could not possibly be their child/relative.
I don’t know the full story – I doubt anyone ever will – but the documentary makes you think of alternatives, of options, and of coincidence. Maybe it was Bordin’s bad luck to pick Barclay as a person to impersonate – it certainly leads to a much bigger story, and a whole different set of possibilities.
Totally recommended, even if documentaries ‘aren’t normally your thing’