Posted: Sat 11 April, 2015 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Cynicism, News, People, Stupidity |
[Posted delayed, while I’m away]
One of my favourite articles this week has been the BBC’s telling of the man who air-mailed himself home from Australia – and nearly died several times over.
It’s a gob-smacking tale – and beautifully written – that makes you wonder at both the desperation to leave Australia, and the sheer madness of how he did it.
I won’t ruin the tale – it’s a good ‘un.
Posted: Mon 30 March, 2015 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Getting Organised, Stupidity, Technology, Thoughts, Weirdness |
This morning I somehow managed to leave my phone at home. (Well, I hope it’s at home – otherwise I’ve done something really stupid with it)
It’s quite an odd feeling really – you only realise how much you use the damn thing when it’s not there. The ubiquity of a smartphone for simple things is suddenly noticeable.
Already today I’ve had several thoughts of “Oh, I’ll just get the phone and…”, followed by the realisation that I can’t.
Calling it a “missing limb” is a bit hyperbolic, but it’s definitely a feeling of something missing, something you’re used to having around that’s not there any more.
I’ll be fine – it’s not like I’m surgically attached or anything – but every so often something will jar, and I’ll think “Bollocks” again.
Let’s just hope the damn thing is at home. I’m sure it is, but there’s that nagging ‘what if you did something dumb?‘ mental voice going on…
Posted: Sat 21 February, 2015 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Customer Services, Cynicism, Domestic, Finances, Getting Organised, HMRC, People, Stupidity, Work-related |
As regular readers probably vaguely recall, HMRC have never been an organisation I’m a great fan of. I find it amazing that they can be quite as unhelpful, disorganised, obstructive and basically clown-like they really are.
Way back in the 2012-13 tax year – about the only year in my entire employment history where I worked fully PAYE for just one employer throughout the year – supposedly I underpaid my tax by just over £600. Yep, underpaid by £50 a month, all year – and somehow I am responsible for a fuckup that I have absolutely no influence or input on, so I have to repay that money. Even though the entire thing was between HMRC and my employer at the time, and I wouldn’t know one end of a tax calculation from the other.
It’s hardly going to ensure that either HMRC or the payroll department have to get things right, is it – if the only person penalised by those two sections fucking up is the person paying the tax, not the people who’ve actually screwed it up.
Anyway, the figures were disputed by me, and it’s been going on for two years now, with HMRC doing fuck-all. (Which seems to be what HMRC excels at)
I got a final demand for the money last month, with a deadline of this week. I’ve spoken to them in the meantime, but no, because of other figures and assumptions they’ve made, it was pay it all, or start having legal proceedings. Always fun. And despite repeated requests, HMRC still haven’t given me any of the figures that have brought them to the conclusion that I’ve underpaid. (Which also makes me think the entire thing is dodgy as shit, if they’re so unwilling to provide documentation)
Today I called them to make the payment, and spoke to someone vaguely competent. It still took an hour (and of course that’s at my expense, both in time, and cost of the call) but things are more promising now. Bear with me, this might take some time…
The person in question looked into the entire thing. Weirdly, despite having had the same employer all year, my record shows three – because the company in question went through restructures and fucking about. So they’ve screwed things up from that point. The screwup is still there, and still my fault – but at least I (sort of) understand where it’s come up. They’ve also promised to send me the calculations and explanations, although I’m not holding my breath on that score…
However. Ah, the however. It turns out that I also overpaid tax in tax year 2013-14 – something that HMRC have completely failed to tell me at all. It’s been a year, but nope, no information about overpaid tax, or anything. If only they were as good at telling you you’re due a refund as they are when you’ve under-paid.
Additionally, somewhere along the line – and bear in mind that HMRC now receive “RealTime Information” with every payroll run about my details, employer details, salary, and tax paid – HMRC have decided that my expected income for this tax year (2014-15) to be in the region of £150,000. No-one can tell me where that figure has come from, or how it’s fallen into their system – because of course it’s updated every fucking week with the correct and up-to-date information – but there we go, a calculation that I’ll receive a salary nearly three times what’s expected.
All of which means that I now have only about £200 to repay (still not my fault, but sometimes the fight just isn’t worth it any more) because the overpayment from 2013/14 has balanced most of what was ‘underpaid’ in 2012/13. So that should be all sorted now. I can pay that £200, and we’ll all be good.
Except – yep, another however/except…
Here we are, in February 2015. Online payments have been around for a good decade. Payments by phone for a lot longer than that – probably what, 25 years now?
And HMRC don’t have any system for paying unpaid/outstanding PAYE payments online. Or by phone. Or by debit/credit card at all. The ONLY ways that HMRC can take a payment for unpaid PAYE are – are you ready for this? – by cheque, postal orders, or banker’s draft. (Or by taking it out of the tax payments for the forthcoming tax-year – which I didn’t want to do, for a number of reasons) They can take payments online for other things, but not unpaid PAYE. No-one can explain why – the best I got was “We’re looking into it, but the system isn’t ready yet”. But with unpaid PAYE, we’re back int the 1970s.
My bank hasn’t issued cheque-books now for at least five years. The person I spoke to didn’t even realise you had to pay extra for postal orders or bankers drafts – so there’s no chance whatsoever that I can discount the costs from what I owe. Yup, yet again I’d be liable for the costs – and also if (as has happened to me before) HMRC ‘mislaid’ a payment.
So even though it’s the only option I didn’t want – and that’ll get complicated for other reasons – I’m going to end up paying that £200 over the tax year, rather than knowing I can start from scratch again.
In short, HMRC are useless cunts. But I suppose that won’t change any time soon. Still, come the revolution…
Posted: Sat 14 February, 2015 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Customer Services, Domestic, Finances, nPower, Stupidity, Thoughts, Utilities, Weirdness |
Since moving to the new (current) place, I’ve had an ongoing (and too depressing for words) set of issues and disputes with nPower. These have included, but not limited to
- Not having the correct name on the account for eighteen months, despite repeated requests to change it
- Losing documentary proof (including my tenancy agreement) of my address. Originals were insisted upon, sent recorded delivery, signed for, and then lost. Hard to place blame anywhere except nPower
- Billing issues – my bills went up, down, sideways, and every way except correctly
- Misrepresentation – sending a meter reader into my house under the guise of being someone to do ‘legal gas meter checks’. (This was also while the bill/account was in the wrong name, so there was also some issues legally around that)
- A meter reading done by a representative of nPower, who then managed to register that reading to a completely different address, and denied ever having done one for this house. (Despite his having done readings/visits recorded to every other house in my block at the same time)
So it’s fair to say that I regard nPower as incompetent useless dickwhistles at the best of times.
Today, though, has taken it to a whole new level.
Things have settled down somewhat, and on Tuesday I gave them a meter reading directly through the website. At that point, my account was £1.62 in credit. Happy day, all well and good.
Today I logged in for a quick check. £595.82 in credit. Um, what? So I look, and it’s got four cancelled bills, adding up to the amount in credit. Four bills I’ve received, and paid. Now cancelled. File under “Fuck, What The”
So I gave them a call. The first incompetent managed to put the phone down on me. So I called back, and finally got through to one of the (few) efficient and competent individuals who work at nPower. (I’m quite sure she won’t last long, having been actually pleasant and competent)
It turns out that – once in receipt of a valid meter reading – nPower cancel out all the estimated bills back to the previous correct reading. They then recalculate all those bills with the correct figures (although technically they must still be estimates of what was used, averaging out the figures over the number of bills) to bring everything back up to date. So for however far back, the bills get cancelled – despite having been printed, posted and paid – and then recreated. Then I’ll know what I need to pay to be up to date.
Except of course that they’ve also got to send out all those new bills. So next week I’m going to get five bills from nPower – the four reconstructed ones – as well as the one to bring me up to date.
Now, I realise that this is something that’s required by the energy regulator – but does it strike anyone else as a completely fucking barking way to run a business?
Posted: Mon 24 November, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Stupidity, Sweary |
I don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.
This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen
But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.
Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.
Posted: Mon 10 November, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Finances, Getting Organised, Sociable, Stupidity, Thoughts |
Now that work-based sanity appears to have made a return, things are coming back to a more even keel – both life-wise and fiscally.
For me, the first major sign of this came this weekend, which went thusly…
On the Saturday, I went to meet up with friends in Nottingham. When I left home, it was a decent day, so I didn’t bother checking if I had a jacket/coat with me. (You can see where this is going already, can’t you?)
By the time I was halfway up the M1, it was absolutely slashing down, waterlogged roads the lot. “Bugger”, thought I, “but at least I’ve a jacket or coat in the boot”.
Once I got to Nottingham, it was still pissing down, but I parked up, and opened the boot. Jacket, there was none. Coat, there was none. Fuck it, thought I.
Due to being (as always) pathologically early, I still had the chance to go and buy a new jacket, so I did.
And that was the sign of being OK again. It wasn’t a worry, I knew I had the available money. I could afford this extra unexpected expense, and it didn’t mean I was concerned about what’d happen at the end of the month, what would be needed to counteract this item.
It’s still annoying, because if there’s something I really didn’t need, it’s another bloody jacket. I don’t even wear them most of the time. But needs must when the devil drives, or when the clouds open. It’s one of those things, a bit annoying, but better to have a day of not being soaking wet and enjoying things far less as a result.
But it was positive for showing the process of recovery after the shitty job…
Posted: Sun 26 October, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Driving, Finances, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Stupidity, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Work-related |
Carrying on from the last couple of posts – Reasons and Repercussions – I’m hoping that I’m now on the road back. (If nothing else, the fact I’ve done these three posts should say that I’m on the way!)
This last few months has been tough, there’s no denying it. There’ve been a number of facets to that toughness, but I’m generally optimistic that they’re all on the way back to something approaching sanity.
Financially it’s definitely been tough, and I’m back to pretty much square one again. This month will (hopefully) be the last of that level of toughness, now I’m back to working on contract instead of permanent roles. The last few months have cost me dearly, going into what savings I had amassed, based on promises that salary deficits would be fixed and so on – which never happened.
Socially it’s been absolute piss. I’ve hardly seen anyone – some of that is related to the financial stuff, some of it down more to depressions, to not wanting to go out, as well as to feeling a bit trapped by a number of things.
Workwise – well, we covered that in other posts. Safe to say, it’s not been fun, and it’s affected me pretty negatively.
Creatively, it’s been a bit of a dead zone. The only positive is that the amount of time spent on the road while commuting gave me the opportunity to think a bit about some writing ideas, although I didn’t have the time or inclination to actually get them done. Still, with any luck that’ll be part of the next phase.
Really, the only real positive of the last few months has been health-wise – I’ve managed to lose two stone in weight, and been walking far more than I was. And again, that’s something I’ll continue making the effort on, I think, as well as (now I’ve got some more time to myself and my life) getting back to the gym a bit more.
This last few months have left me feeling pretty flat and wiped-out. I’m hoping that now it’s a bit more settled and sorted, things will head in a more positive direction for a while.